Just as superheroes are synonymous with American pop culture, the orisa are the legendary figures of the Yoruba world. And one of the most iconic among them is Sango. Ask any young Nigerian who grew up in a typical Yoruba home, and they鈥檒l likely have stories passed down from their mothers and grandmothers about the deity known for thunder, lightning, and his signature red garments. They might even argue they know what the real Sango looks like, thanks to Nollywood鈥檚 many adaptations. 

But Sango鈥檚 legacy isn鈥檛 just a childhood memory or a movie trope; it is a living, breathing tradition. Keeping that heritage alive requires spaces where it can be actively practised, witnessed, and renewed. For Seaman鈥檚 Schnapps, this generational handover is evident in the way its bottles have become part of Nigerian celebrations. The 75cl bottle has traditionally been associated with elders, prayers, blessings, and major ceremonies, while the 20cl (Omo Agba) offers younger Nigerians a format that fits the way they interact with and evolve these traditions today.

By actively participating in these celebrations, Seaman鈥檚 Schnapps serves as a physical bridge between generations, ensuring that the sacred practices of the elders are safely and visibly passed to the youth.

A ten-day homecoming

For an orisa so deeply woven into Yoruba folklore, it makes sense that there鈥檚 a festival dedicated to celebrating his legacy. Every August, the ancient Koso Temple and the streets and corners of Oyo fill with people who have found their way home.

For ten days, the city hosts a teeming crowd of devotees, traditional leaders, and people from all walks of life. The Sango Festival commemorates Tella-Oko, the third Alaafin of the Oyo Empire, widely believed to be the earthly incarnation of the mythical Sango. Devotees honour this legacy by donning bright red outfits, sharing roasted new yams and palm oil, and gathering for high-energy rites, chanting, storytelling, and drumming.

At the center of these high-energy rites sits the iconic Seaman鈥檚 Schnapps bottle. In the hands of traditional leaders and elders, it is the definitive vessel used to offer deep blessings, pour royal libations, and anchor the prayers that help keep the people and practices of Nigerian heritage alive. 

The 20cl: Passing down the magic to a new generation

This is where Seaman鈥檚 Schnapps鈥� 20cl drink comes in. While the 75cl bottle has traditionally been part of the grand ceremonies and rituals led by elders, the 20cl size speaks to a younger generation engaging with these traditions in ways that feel more natural to them. It reflects the reality that younger people don鈥檛 always inherit traditions exactly as they found them. They adapt them, give them new meaning, and find ways to make them part of their own lives.

The Sango Festival captures this process. Children learn by watching elders during worship at the Sango Temples, while deeper elements of the culture, including Sango鈥檚 magical crafts and sacred performances, are preserved through dedicated apprenticeships. The knowledge moves from one generation to the next, but it doesn鈥檛 have to look exactly the same each time.

Seaman鈥檚 Schnapps has continued to support spaces like the Sango Festival because they give these traditions room to remain visible and relevant. Its 20cl drink fits into that same conversation. It’s an easier, more affordable way for younger drinkers to not just follow tradition, but help shape it going forward. 

As Nnenna Uche Onyenacho, the company’s Senior Brand Manager, puts it, 鈥淭he brand remains committed to platforms that promote cultural continuity through modern creative expression.鈥�

Marketing Manager at Nigeria Distilleries Limited, Mr. Gbemileke Lawal, echoed that  鈥淭his is where our values align with the people鈥檚 heartbeat. Seaman鈥檚 Schnapps remains committed to celebrating Nigeria鈥檚 rich traditions while standing as a symbol of authenticity, respect and unity.鈥�

That commitment is particularly significant at a festival built around a tradition that has lasted for centuries. 

Ultimately, culture survives only when people continue to practice it, share it, and find new reasons to embrace it. For the Sango Festival, whether it is a solemn prayer poured by an elder from a 75cl bottle or a vibrant celebration fueled by a youth with a 20cl bottle, every libation poured becomes another vital link in a tradition built to endure for centuries. 

In this week鈥檚 Marriage Diaries, she shares how the reality of marriage hit her only months after the wedding, how having children affected her mental health and exposed cracks in her relationship, and why she chose to stay after experiencing physical violence and infidelity.

Got a marriage story to share? Please聽聽and we鈥檒l reach out.

My parents made marriage look easy

I always imagined marriage would be like a fairytale; eating together, laughing, having long conversations, raising children and just being in love. I knew there would be disagreements, but I never imagined they could reach the magnitude they did. My husband and I are both calm people, so I didn鈥檛 expect big arguments.

A lot of that expectation came from my parents. Growing up, I knew they were in love. They were always talking, laughing, eating together and going out. They even dressed alike. My dad would buy 鈥淗is and Hers鈥� watches or sunglasses for them, and if he wore a yellow shirt, my mum would wear a yellow blouse or a complementary colour.

He was also fiercely protective of her. He made sure nobody disrespected my mum, including elders in our family. Our home was warm and filled with laughter and love.

As I grew older, romantic movies reinforced that picture. So naturally, I thought marriage was meant to be like that.

A few months after our wedding, my husband and I had a disagreement that I hadn鈥檛 anticipated. My first instinct was to leave and go home. When he involved our mothers, I felt blamed instead of heard, and I started questioning whether I was ready for marriage.

I took a few days to cool off and reflect instead of reacting from anger. Eventually, we talked, and I chose to forgive and move forward. It taught me to pause before making major decisions.

I just didn鈥檛 know that was only the beginning of what marriage would teach me.

Having children changed everything

Nobody warned me how much having children could change a marriage. It affected my health, our finances, intimacy, communication and careers.

I had watched my aunties have children and continue working, so I didn鈥檛 understand how complicated it could become. Pregnancy caused me amnesia. I lost a huge chunk of my memory, which I鈥檓 only just beginning to regain, 10 years later, in bits and pieces.

I had my children via CS and suffered postpartum depression. Sometimes, I lost the zeal to live. It was a rollercoaster trying to be there for my children while also trying to stay sane myself, amid the fear of being stigmatised.

Eventually, I resigned from my job because of the mental pressure, which left me financially vulnerable for a while. My marriage struggled during that period and exposed a lot of cracks.

A few months after we had our second baby, we had an argument about baby food. My husband had gone out and forgotten to buy it. I was at home with a crying baby. After breastfeeding for hours, the baby eventually slept, but I was exhausted and highly irritable.

My husband returned late, and it was clear he had spent the evening drinking with friends at an event. I let my anger get the better of me, and it led to a brawl.

I received the beating of my life, after which he ran away from home. By morning, our compound was filled with immediate family members and church leaders who had come to beg me at his behest. But I was the one with the swollen face and black eyes.

I was taken to the hospital and treated. After that, I made a solemn promise to myself that it would never happen again.

We had to learn how to disagree

That experience changed how I handle disagreements now. When I鈥檓 upset, I either send my husband a message or wait until my initial anger has passed before talking to him. We鈥檝e been married for a long time now and have fewer disagreements. When we have reservations, we state them clearly, stick to the issue and avoid inciting remarks or attacking each other.

We are not enemies. It鈥檚 okay not to be in total agreement, and we allow each other the freedom to make our own decisions. Although my husband promised never to repeat what happened, the trauma still lives rent-free in my head.

I鈥檝e also had to understand that his calmness doesn鈥檛 necessarily mean he handles things the way I do. When we met, I found his quiet nature attractive. But I didn鈥檛 realise that he isn鈥檛 a strong communicator or as expressive or protective as I expected.

Verbal conversations can feel one-sided, and when there鈥檚 an issue, he can withdraw for days. Sometimes, it feels like emotional abandonment. I鈥檝e had to learn to give him space while also asking for what I want.

I鈥檝e also had to learn to stand up for myself with family members because of his tendency to ignore pressing matters or disrespectful remarks.

Marriage changed me too

For all the ways marriage changed my expectations, it also changed me.

I lost most of my childish innocence, but I gained so much more. I found my voice and learnt self-authorship. I got my career back on track, gained independence and developed more clarity about what I want. I also gained experiences that I now use to mentor young women and couples.

One of the biggest things I鈥檝e learnt is that love alone isn鈥檛 enough. Our different backgrounds and personalities clash, and sometimes hurt can overshadow love. Marriage requires more than feelings. That became even clearer when I had to decide what to do after discovering infidelity.

Staying didn鈥檛 mean losing myself

Choosing to stay in my marriage after finding out about infidelity was one of the most difficult compromises I鈥檝e made.

In the beginning, it didn鈥檛 feel worth it. But over the years, we鈥檝e set clear boundaries and terms for our marriage. I鈥檓 fiercely protective of myself, and I don鈥檛 live in ignorance.

We restructured how we handle finances and respect. Most importantly, I get to live on my terms. Staying hasn鈥檛 meant pretending everything is fine or abandoning myself. I鈥檝e learnt that I can choose to remain in my marriage while still having boundaries and making decisions for myself.

I wish I had taken more time to know myself

If I could go back, I鈥檇 tell my unmarried self to take her time getting to know herself. Marriage will introduce you to parts of yourself you didn鈥檛 know existed. You may think you know how you鈥檒l react to something until you鈥檙e actually in that situation.

I鈥檇 also advise people to get a wedding sponsor or mentor who can offer unbiased guidance. Your parents鈥� model won鈥檛 always work for you, and their advice can be emotionally influenced.

My parents gave me a beautiful picture of marriage, but I eventually learnt that their marriage could only be a reference point, not a blueprint for mine. And I think that鈥檚 why I no longer believe love is enough to sustain a marriage. Love is an emotion, and it fluctuates. Marriage needs intention, finances, intimacy, communication and respect. Without those things, the embers of love eventually go out.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please聽聽and we鈥檒l reach out.

Joe* (31) and Matilda* (28) met during Joe’s NYSC placement in 2019. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about reconnecting two years later, the night Joe collapsed in Matilda’s bathroom, and she had to call his mother at midnight, and why Matilda still hasn’t felt fully at home with that same mother since. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Joe: October 2019. Matilda was recruited at the tail end of my NYSC posting at a financial services company. I was the only corper there for a while, and the youngest person in the office, too. Two months earlier, I鈥檇 heard another corper was joining. I remember the HR person used to tease me, saying I鈥檇 soon have a fellow corper to keep me company. But weeks went by and I didn鈥檛 see anyone, so I assumed it wasn鈥檛 happening.

Then, I took a one-week break from work to sort out some NYSC clearance issues. I came back the following Monday and saw this cute lady sitting at the reception. I immediately knew she was the new corper and introduced myself.

Matilda: I remember thinking, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 wrong with this one?鈥� when he stretched his hands out. It was cute and funny at the same time. But that was also my first memory of Joe. I鈥檇 actually wanted to work at a fashion brand, but every attempt to land a role at the big fashion houses fell through. Then my mum suggested doing something in the financial sector, since it was more relevant to my course of study anyway. I had real reservations, especially after hearing during the interview that I鈥檇 be the only corper there. But the salary was also convincing, so in the end, I took the job when the offer came in.

Even though I鈥檇 initially thought Joe was too forward, having him around made that first day less overwhelming. However, I鈥檇 also heard he was leaving soon, so I didn鈥檛 want to get too attached since he wouldn鈥檛 be around anyway.  But he was just really persistent, almost like a baby in a candy shop. 

Joe: Fear women. I was just trying to make her feel welcome. I didn鈥檛 get that when I joined. The corper before me was one stuck-up babe who never smiled.

Screaming. So I鈥檓 guessing you guys developed an office friendship?

Joe: We did. From that first week, we started sitting together, buying lunch together, waiting for each other after work and occasionally sharing rides on our way home. Some people in the office actually asked if we’d known each other before. I think, for me, it came from being starved of having someone my age around at work for so long.

Matilda: And it happened naturally, too. After that first day of initial gra-gra, I actually noticed Joe was a cool guy. I mean, he鈥檚 good-looking, dresses really nicely, and those are two things I look for in a guy. But as said, we fell into a rhythm of always being around each other during and after work hours. 

Sounds sweet. And what happened when Joe鈥檚 service year ended?

Matilda: Proper tears o. He left toward the end of November, and I was genuinely heartbroken. In the few weeks we spent together, I realised why he was so excited to have me around. People at that office were mostly older guys who held traditional views and just wanted to boss you around. They鈥檇 also make annoying remarks like 鈥淵ou鈥檙e still young now. You don鈥檛 have any serious responsibilities.鈥� And the women were just really judgmental. I couldn鈥檛 imagine having to be alone with people like that. I remember crying at his send-off, and people in our department were surprised at how hard I took it. But I can be quite emotional like that.

Joe: I鈥檇 actually hoped they would retain me. I did a little lobbying, but that didn鈥檛 help in the end. I wasn鈥檛 dating anyone at the time. I had a couple of girls I was messing with, but seeing Matilda emotional at my send-off did something to me. I didn鈥檛 fully understand what it was yet. But I was genuinely touched.

Curious, Matilda. Were you dating at the time?

Matilda: I was in a long-distance relationship then, and I really loved my boyfriend. I genuinely wasn鈥檛 seeing Joe in that light at all; he was just a work colleague turned friend whom I鈥檇 grown fond of. 

Got it. Did you two stay in touch after he left?

Joe: We did, mostly calls and texts. But as the months went by, the frequency naturally reduced.

Matilda: Around that same period, my boyfriend started complaining that I seemed distracted, though it wasn鈥檛 specifically because of Joe. Our relationship was just going through its own strain. 

Joe: I think it was also just because we were experiencing different realities. I didn鈥檛 get a job as quickly as I thought. I was trying to start a little clothing business, it was just so many things going on. She鈥檇 cross my mind sometimes, but I didn鈥檛 reach out all the time. Besides, I knew she was dating and I wanted to respect her boundaries.

So how did you guys end up reconnecting?

Joe: We ran into each other at an event in late 2021. I spotted her first across the room and walked up to her. We hugged and screamed so much that we drew attention. We ended up spending the rest of the party together. We had so many things to catch up on since the last time we鈥檇 seen each other.

Matilda: I remember some of my friends who were also at the party kept asking me about him afterwards. They wanted to know why we seemed so close and why I seemed so comfortable around him. I told them he was just a friend, nothing more, but for some reason, they thought I was lying.

Joe: After the party, I could stop thinking about Matilda. She鈥檇 changed a lot and looked even better than the last time I鈥檇 seen her. However, I didn鈥檛 know how to ask if she was still in a relationship, so I started checking her Instagram and Twitter for clues instead of asking outright. Instagram didn鈥檛 say much; she only had about two old pictures there. But on Twitter, I found a few tweets and that made me conclude she wasn鈥檛 dating, and if she was, it probably wasn鈥檛 something serious.

But did you eventually ask her directly to be sure?

Joe: I did, just to confirm what I鈥檇 already suspected from some of her posts.

Matilda: I actually found it funny when he asked. I told him straight up that I was single. I was talking to a few people, obviously, but it wasn鈥檛 anything concrete. My instincts had always told me Joe liked me, even back when we were coworkers at the NYSC posting. But I used to brush it off because he鈥檇 never been direct and I didn鈥檛 want to misinterpret our friendship.

Joe: Then, not long after, I sent her a message on WhatsApp telling her I鈥檇 like us to be in a relationship.

Matilda: The exact words were 鈥淚鈥檇 like you to be mine.鈥� I laughed so hard when I got the message and even sent laughing emojis. The line felt like something straight out of a movie script. For some reason, I just thought he was joking, and then he said he wasn鈥檛. I think we had a two- to three-hour call after that message, and I realised he was actually serious. But I told him he had to say everything to me in person, not on the phone.

We went on a couple of dates, kept talking regularly and eventually became official in March 2022.

Awwn. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Joe: They were sweet. We were doing all the relationship regulars. Movie dates, long hours spent on calls, visiting each other and it just felt like we were living a version of our NYSC days, only this time, as lovers. I think what really made it feel so easy was that we genuinely liked each other as friends long before feelings got in the picture. So we didn鈥檛 have to navigate any early days of awkwardness.

Matilda: I agree. That foundation made a difference for us. We could easily agree to disagree; nothing felt too serious that we couldn鈥檛 solve after a deep, honest conversation. Dating just felt like adding an extra layer to our friendship rather than starting from scratch.

Joe: I also found out Matilda was a lot more emotional than I鈥檇 clocked during NYSC days. She wears her feelings quite openly and cries easily. It was hard to navigate at first because I process things a lot differently. I get emotional, too, but not to the point of tears. The thing with Matilda is, she could be crying, and you鈥檇 think something bad had happened only to hear 鈥淚 passed my course. My friend just got engaged.鈥� Everything makes this woman cry.

Matilda: I can鈥檛 help it. I鈥檓 actually bothered that I鈥檝e never seen Joe cry. He processes his emotions differently. He鈥檇 just have this stoic, unfeeling look on his face and you wouldn鈥檛 be able to tell if he鈥檚 angry or sad. I think the most emotional moment I saw him was when he fell sick.

Oh. Tell me more about that.

Matilda: That weekend, I鈥檇 asked Joe to come to my place. At the time, I was staying in a shared flat with two friends, and they both travelled to Ibadan and I didn鈥檛 want to be alone. I鈥檇 always been the one going to his place, so for once, I asked him to come over. This naughty boy did anyway, even though he wasn鈥檛 feeling too well.

Joe: It wasn鈥檛 anything serious, to be honest. I went to work that Friday and continued with my normal activities. When she asked, it also felt like a good opportunity to relax with my babe. Plus, I was a bit worried about her being in the flat alone for two nights. So I packed a bag and went over, thinking whatever I was feeling would pass.

When I got there, everything felt fine at first. We hung out as we鈥檇 usually do, and she even made me this healthy salad that was supposed to help me find my appetite. Then, around bedtime, I started feeling lightheaded. She told me to go take a warm shower and I figured that would help. But that鈥檚 probably the last thing I remember.

Matilda: While he was in the bathroom, I heard a loud thud that startled me. I ran and found him unconscious on the floor. I completely panicked and didn鈥檛 know what to do at first, so I just started pouring water on his head, hoping it would wake him up. He eventually opened his eyes and started mumbling something, but it was inaudible. Then, when I tried to lift him, he couldn鈥檛 move at all. 

Did you try to get help?

Matilda: I actually wanted to call my own parents first, but they lived far away, and honestly, I dreaded the thought of them finding out I had a man in my apartment. By the time Joe regained full consciousness, he still couldn鈥檛 stand. Whenever he tried, he felt this sharp, excruciating pain in his waist. That was when I went into full panic mode. I thought something had happened to his spinal cord. Then he said we should call his mum, since their house wasn鈥檛 too far off. 

The call was incredibly awkward. I actually wanted Joe to speak with his mum and tell her what happened, but his words didn鈥檛 quite make sense. It felt like he was going in and out of consciousness. Eventually, I did most of the talking. By 1:30 a.m., his mum arrived with her driver and one other man. Then we rushed to the hospital.

Joe: I was barely conscious through most of it, so I only found out the full details of what happened afterwards. 

Matilda: I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e ever needed him to be his normal self more than that day. The hospital was especially awkward with his mum.

What do you mean?

Matilda: She started asking me lots of questions. What I鈥檇 given him to eat or drink, what exactly had happened before he collapsed. It felt like an unending interrogation. The whole time, I kept running different scenarios through my head, genuinely wondering what I鈥檇 gotten myself into. At that point, I鈥檇 also informed my siblings, although I told them not to tell our parents yet. Because with the way Joe鈥檚 mum was going, it felt like she was going to involve the police or something. 

But did she ask how you knew each other in the first place, or how he ended up in your house?

Joe: Throughout that entire hospital stay, my mum never actually asked about my relationship with Matilda. She probably just assumed she was a friend helping out. It wasn鈥檛 until the day I was being discharged, when Matilda came to see me off, that I properly introduced her. It felt weird considering everything that had happened.

Matilda: His mum wasn鈥檛 harsh toward me at any point, even though the questioning felt a bit too much. But she wasn鈥檛 particularly warm either. And that left me feeling really uncomfortable. 

Joe: My mum can actually be that way. She鈥檚 not the friendliest person, even if she doesn鈥檛 mean any ill will by it. She just enjoys her own company and has always been that way, even with people she鈥檚 known for years. 

Through it all, I鈥檓 just thankful for Matilda. Things could have gone a lot worse if her fear had taken over. It鈥檚 one of those experiences neither of us will ever forget. Plus, that was how my mum found out about our relationship.

Right. And how鈥檚 the relationship between the two of them now?

Joe: It’s just there, really. I do wish it could be better. I don鈥檛 want to end up in a situation years down the line where my mum and my wife don鈥檛 see eye to eye. So I really hope things change with time, because I know, deep down, my mum doesn鈥檛 mean any harm; she鈥檚 just reserved by nature and has always been that way. 

Matilda: She actually calls to check on me sometimes, so I know there鈥檚 no ill intent. It鈥檚 just hard for me to fully shake the memory of how she reacted that first day we met. I understand it was nothing personal, but still鈥�

Despite everything, what’s the best thing about being with each other?

Matilda: The friendship. We were genuinely close as people before we were ever a couple, and that’s carried us through the relationship. Sometimes, I think of Joe as my best friend first, before I even remember that 鈥渙h wait, I also get to call him my lover.鈥� He鈥檚 kind, caring and really selfless. The way Joe makes my problem his own and prioritises me is really something. 

Joe: I feel the same way about the friendship part. We genuinely like each other as people, not just as partners in a relationship. Matilda talks about selflessness, but I think I also learned from her. She doesn鈥檛 joke with my matter and I know she鈥檒l always have my back. Plus, have you seen my baby? She鈥檚 your spec鈥檚 spec.

I hear you. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Matilda: I鈥檇 say 8.5. We’re both glad to have each other, and honestly, we can’t wait for this to move toward marriage. We both know it’s coming soon, and I can鈥檛 wait to call him husband.

Joe: I鈥檇 give us a 9. Outside of the challenges with my mum, everything else about us feels solid, and I only see that getting stronger from here as we keep building together.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

In modern dating, this is called zombie-ing. And these Nigerians share what it feels like to be on the receiving end of such unhinged ghosting.

Tunde*, 25

I planned a booty call with a girl I鈥檇 been flirting with. She actually started the flirting, and I got into it. She鈥檇 occasionally ask me to buy her lunch and stuff, and I鈥檇 do it. One day, we finally planned to meet. I made all the plans and paid for a hotel. On the day, she completely ghosted me. She ignored my calls and messages, so I took my L. Almost eight months later, she reacted to my DM saying, 鈥淵ou just forgot me.鈥� I almost cursed her out. I鈥檇 even forgotten I still had her number. I blocked her and kept moving.

Charles*, 33

I met this babe on Tinder and we connected well. She invited me over, but she looked nothing like her pictures. She was much shorter and had an almost bleached complexion. I didn鈥檛 want the visit to be a waste, so I got down anyway, but deep down, I knew I鈥檇 ghost her afterwards. Funny enough, she ended up ghosting me. I couldn鈥檛 believe it. I even sexted her and sent some photos once, and she still aired me. Four or five months later, she sent a text asking me to come over. No apology, nothing. She acted like my previous messages didn鈥檛 exist. I finally got my chance to air her.

Hadiza*, 29

I met this cool Chinese guy at a tech conference in Lagos. He was super helpful and even offered me a ride home. After that, we started talking and getting to know each other. I was already imagining myself dating a Chinese guy and having cute babies. After about two months of texting, we agreed to meet again. On the day, he acted fine but kept saying he was on his way. I waited for almost two hours before he finally texted that he couldn鈥檛 make it. Three weeks later, he asked me out of the blue what I was doing that weekend. He didn鈥檛 even try to acknowledge what happened the last time or try to make it up to me. Yet, I stupidly responded to his message almost immediately. He cancelled again the day before.

Jomi*, 27

I had casual sex with a guy who鈥檇 been eyeing me. It was mutual because I also liked him. But he switched up almost immediately. He didn鈥檛 even respond to my 鈥淗ave you gotten home?鈥� message that day. I wanted to text him and pour out my mind, but I didn鈥檛 want to give him the satisfaction. The sex happened around March. Then, in November, this guy, whom I鈥檇 blocked on WhatsApp, reacted to my Instastory and simply said, 鈥淟ink up?鈥� I ignored his ass. Doing casual sex doesn鈥檛 mean you can ghost someone and then show up whenever you鈥檙e hungry for some again.

Dunni*, 33

I鈥檝e had this stupid guy randomly show up and ghost for years. We met when I was in university and were supposed to date, but he wasn鈥檛 consistent, so I left him. Since then, he鈥檇 randomly reappear and try to continue our toasting conversation like he hadn鈥檛 disappeared for years. There was a time I didn鈥檛 hear from him for almost three years. Then he randomly sent me 鈥淗ey baby girl鈥� on X. He showed up again some months ago, and I told him I was married. His response was, 鈥淪o you couldn鈥檛 wait for me?鈥� I had to send him a strong warning not to text me again. Very rubbish person.

Deji*, 24

I met this cute babe at a rave last year, and we vibed so well. I collected her number, but after her first response, she stopped replying. I鈥檇 see her photos and videos and comment on them, but she never responded. Some months ago, I attended group therapy in Ibadan, and guess who showed up? This babe tried to act like she hadn鈥檛 ghosted me for more than a year. I just said a casual hi and kept it moving. She didn鈥檛 even apologise or acknowledge what happened. I actually wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but I didn鈥檛. I just let it go.

Denzel*, 29

I once dated a babe who didn鈥檛 break up with me. She simply ghosted. She stopped responding everywhere, and three months later, I found out from her cousin that she鈥檇 relocated. I asked for her number, but her cousin was reluctant because she鈥檇 asked him not to give it to me. He eventually did, but she still didn鈥檛 respond. It messed me up because I had so many unanswered questions, and I genuinely loved her. It took time, but I moved on. She came home for Detty December in 2024 and asked if I wanted to link up. I did, but I was in Abuja. I didn鈥檛 respond.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a DM that almost went unanswered, a long-distance relationship built on a fixed timeline, and Lola鈥檚 clinginess, which Victor had to learn to embrace.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Lola: 2022. I鈥檇 just opened a new Twitter account and he was among my new followers. But we barely interacted. But by 2023, we鈥檇 noticed each other鈥檚 accounts and started bantering occasionally. He once posted a picture of a dress and asked which woman of God he should buy it for. I responded to the tweet, but I can鈥檛 even remember what I said. Another time, he tweeted about playing in the snow with someone鈥檚 daughter and I jokingly asked him to focus on God. Then he asked why he couldn鈥檛 do both, focus on God and be in love. And that was the nature of our interactions for a long time. Just pure, no-strings-attached banter.

Victor: I鈥檇 say my first memory of Lola is similar. I鈥檇 followed her account on Twitter, just the same way you鈥檇 see an account and innocently want to connect with it. Then we were constantly seeing each other鈥檚 posts on the TL. We鈥檇 banter, comment here and there, and keep it moving. I hadn鈥檛 really taken any special notice of her. She was just another female follower on Twitter. 

But did you think she was trying to say something with the constant bantering on your posts?

Victor: Not really. It鈥檚 Twitter. I genuinely didn鈥檛 think she was trying to shoot her shot or anything like that. The TL was just like that. You鈥檇 see people passing jabs at each other and that was it. Even when I also responded to her tweets, I didn鈥檛 have any hidden intentions. 

Right. How long did this bantering go on for?

Lola: For months, actually. I remember posting my graduation pictures in June 2023, and he either commented or sent a DM; I can鈥檛 remember. But he later told me that the picture is apparently what stuck with him. And it was what opened a line of communication between us. 

Victor: Then, in May 2024, I wished her a happy birthday and referenced this Yinka Ayefele song where he sings about a certain Ololade. 

Lola: He actually used to call me by that name and I鈥檒l just laugh and think, 鈥渢his funny鈥� guy.  

Victor: But that was about it between us. After that birthday, we fell back to just bantering and sometimes not talking at all. 

Right. So when did things change?

Lola: It was a random Sunday in August 2024. He came to my mind and I realised I hadn鈥檛 seen him tweet in a while. But in the same vein, I told myself I wasn鈥檛 checking up on anyone, that he鈥檇 be fine wherever he was. But for reasons I can鈥檛 explain, he just wouldn鈥檛 leave my mind. So I sent a text asking how he鈥檇 been. I didn鈥檛 get his response until the next day.

Victor: I actually didn鈥檛 see the message for some time. It was during one of my self-imposed breaks from social media to focus on work, business and my spiritual life. But Twitter has a setting that also sends notifications to your email. I saw the notification and logged in to respond via the web version. I actually think God wanted me to see that message.

Curious. What was your relationship status at the time?

Lola: I鈥檇 left a talking stage and wasn鈥檛 really in the headspace for anything new.

Victor: For me, I鈥檇 decided within myself that I wasn鈥檛 going to date until it was time to marry. So most of my time was spent focusing on things that could make my future great. 

Neat. Let鈥檚 go back to the conversation. How did it go after you responded?

Victor: It went well, actually. I explained why I鈥檇 been away from social media and we just got talking. In the middle of that exchange, I asked if I could have her number so we could move the conversation to WhatsApp or iMessage.

Lola: I鈥檒l be honest, a part of me felt like the conversation was headed for the ditch once we left the DMs. There鈥檚 just something about conversations dying when it gets to WhatsApp. Surprisingly, it didn鈥檛.

I wasn鈥檛 feeling well, so I told him I had a cough and malaria. Coincidentally, he works in the medical space. He immediately started telling me what drugs to get, checking constantly to see if I鈥檇 been to the pharmacy, even while I was at work the next day. That level of care and intentionality from someone I barely knew caught my attention. I used to think I was the better talker, but with him I was listening more, laughing more, and it just felt really good to be in an arrangement where I wasn鈥檛 constantly keeping the conversation alive.

Victor: It felt like we鈥檇 known each other all our lives. There was always something to talk about, and it never felt forced. We barely exhausted one topic before we moved to the next.

What exactly were you guys talking about?

Lola: Everything. We were learning more and more about each other. 

Victor: We鈥檙e both Christians, so our faith came up a lot, along with regular things like what happened at work that day or something we鈥檇 both seen. We hadn鈥檛 started talking about the future or any romantic interests yet, just a lot of friendly conversations.

Lola: That was when I also discovered that this guy was all the way in Ilorin. The entire time, I鈥檇 assumed he lived in Lagos. He just had that Lagos-boy vibe to him and I couldn鈥檛 have imagined otherwise.

Victor: Well, it wasn鈥檛 like I deliberately hid my location; we just never had any reason to talk about it until we got closer. 

Did that discovery affect how you saw whatever was starting to brew between you, Lola?

Lola: I had my reservations. If I wanted to get into something with someone I鈥檇 met online, it had to be someone who was committed and intentional about how we鈥檇 actually spend time together. That鈥檚 the only way to tell if they鈥檙e really serious. I didn鈥檛 know if Victor was going to be ready for all that. But it was just a thought I kept to myself. 

Got it. So when did feelings get into the picture?

Lola: We continued building the foundation. Then, in September 2024, Victor said he wanted to come to Lagos to see me. Something about the way he said it made me sit up and realise that this guy is serious. In fact, I had a wild thought that he was probably going to ask me to be his wife eventually, not just his girlfriend.

Victor: To be fair, I鈥檇 already decided I wanted to marry her by that time based on the depth of our conversations and how much our values aligned. As I said earlier, I鈥檇 never dated anyone prior and knew that any relationship I found myself in had to lead to the altar. The trip to Lagos was just like a confirmation. I wanted to put a face to the person I鈥檇 been talking to. 

And how did it feel to finally meet in person?

Victor: I came to pick her up directly from her house. She has a strict dad and didn鈥檛 want to explain that she鈥檇 just headed out with some random stranger she met online. Luckily, he wasn鈥檛 home. I met her mum and I could immediately tell that I had a chance just by how warmly she received me. She even tried to get Lola to change her outfit. That was so funny.

We left the house and went to a park, nothing too fancy because I genuinely wanted to just sit, talk and get to know her even more without distractions.

Lola: I think he missed the part about first impressions. I鈥檇 been curious about our height difference because I couldn鈥檛 really tell from pictures. That day, when he stepped out of the car, I realised I was just slightly taller than him. I still tease him about it.

Victor: She actually looked like her pictures. Simple, no make-up, and it didn鈥檛 bother me at all. As for the height, I鈥檝e always liked the idea of my wife being a little taller than me.

Lola: Anyway, we talked for hours at the park. Two young women we ran into assumed we were a couple, just from how naturally we interacted. In all, it was a cute first date.

Did you ask her out, Victor?

Victor: No. I wanted to sit with my feelings overnight and make sure what I felt in person matched what I鈥檇 felt through our conversations. We met again the next day, this time at a restaurant. That鈥檚 when I told her I wanted to be in a relationship with her.

Lola: I told him I needed some time to think and pray over it properly before giving him an answer. About a month later, he got a yes. One thing that gave me confidence despite the long distance was how clear he was about his timeline. He wasn鈥檛 vague at all. He told me plainly that he wanted to get married soon. That clarity mattered to me.

Victor: I didn鈥檛 leave any room for doubt. I laid out roughly when I hoped to do the introduction and the wedding itself. We became official on November 1st, 2024.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Lola: Sweet, and it also came with a lot of adjustments. I hadn鈥檛 been in a relationship for about five years, and he鈥檇 never been in one at all. We were both figuring things out from very different starting points. I鈥檓 a clingy lover. I wanted to talk to him all day, even through work, even when there was nothing to say. I just wanted him to stay on the call and hear him breathe. In fact, if there was a way to crawl into his skin, I probably would have done just that.

Victor: It was a completely new experience for me. Lola wanted to talk to me all the time. I hate background noise so much, but since she was calling all the time, I had to start using noise cancellation options just so we could even hear each other. She wanted to know all I was doing at every point in time. I eventually had to be frank and tell her, 鈥渢his can鈥檛 work, we have to find a balance.鈥� 

But then again, I also realised that talking wasn鈥檛 only about passing information. For her, it was also about connection. And since we were also in a long-distance relationship, overcommunicating like that was one way to keep things alive. It just took me a while to get used to it.

Lola: The truth is, I was always willing to drop everything just to focus on him, and I expected him to do the same. However, I had to learn it was unhealthy. Victor made me understand that there鈥檚 a difference between being committed to someone and losing yourself entirely in the relationship. He helped me understand that having a full life outside the relationship doesn鈥檛 take away from what we have. 

Let鈥檚 talk about marriage. When did that happen?

Lola: It was always a part of our plan from the beginning, so it wasn鈥檛 a separate conversation that started later. By the time Victor came to Lagos again in February 2025, my parents already understood what we were to each other, even though I never explicitly used the word boyfriend. He proposed on August 29th, 2025.聽

Victor: It鈥檚 just like she said. I lost my dad in April 2024, so I was cautious about telling my mother about anyone until I was sure. Then, when I was ready, Lola鈥檚 father insisted on seeing my mum first. This wasn鈥檛 an introduction. He just wanted to meet her. That was so funny. Some of my friends thought the request was a bit strange. They asked what he鈥檇 have done if my mum were out of the country or anything like that. Still, I drove my mum all the way from Ilorin to Lagos. It was a good meeting. Before then, I鈥檇 already shown my mum Lola鈥檚 picture. And meeting her and her family in person solidified it. 

Fast forward to December 27th, 2025, we had our introduction and we got married on May 9th, 2026, Lola鈥檚 birthday. It was the same date I鈥檇 first wished her a happy birthday back in 2024.

Congrats guys. And how have the past few months of marriage been?

Lola: Interesting. We鈥檙e finally together in Ilorin, and we’ve even started an Instagram page to document our lives. We want to show people that a good marriage isn鈥檛 something you stumble into, it鈥檚 something you build intentionally through patience, forgiveness and effort.

Victor: I think marriage is a covenant, not a contract that you can walk away from when it stops being convenient. It takes a lot of forgiveness and understanding on both sides.

Lola: For instance, we once had an argument that tested us. That morning, I鈥檇 asked him to do the dishes before heading to work and he just said no, without explaining why he couldn鈥檛 do it. That response really upset me, especially in the way he said it. We went to bed angry that night, and the next morning, he left for work without saying anything to me. No goodbyes or anything like that, and that scared me. My mind started running wild and I wondered if this was how things would always go whenever we disagreed.

Victor: Looking back, I should have explained that I was running late for work instead of just refusing outright. I also didn鈥檛 say anything because I鈥檓 somewhat conflict-avoidant. I just like to move on and act as if nothing happened rather than talking it through. 

I鈥檝e had to learn that walking away doesn鈥檛 resolve anything between us; it just delays and makes it worse. We eventually sat down and talked it out properly. 

Nice. What about Lola鈥檚 clinginess? What does that look like now that you live together?

Victor: It鈥檚 still a part of her, even though there鈥檚 balance now. Premarital counselling helped me understand that her clinginess comes from a genuine place of love, not insecurity. My own love language leans more towards productivity. So I鈥檝e had to channel that energy toward her. I鈥檓 constantly helping her be mindful of her goals.

Lola: I’ve learned to give him space when he’s clearly working on something, and in turn, I’ve found real joy in accomplishing things myself and sharing that progress with him. That’s something he values deeply. However, he still makes the effort to come find me whenever he鈥檚 free, which I really appreciate.

What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?

Victor: Lola has taught me patience on a level I didn’t know I needed. I also have a better understanding of leading with compassion rather than just charging ahead with decisions the moment I’ve thought them through. I love watching our shared purpose come together in real time, including the page we’ve started. Seeing how our individual paths have merged into something bigger than either of us alone could have been is genuinely beautiful.

Lola: Victor has taught me to actually focus and set goals instead of just dreaming about things without executing them. I used to be the type to hold back and question whether things would even work out, which caused friction between us early on since he’s much more decisive. My faith has grown alongside his, too, and I’ve become someone who’s actively working toward things rather than waiting for them to happen.

I love that I get to love him constantly, and I have so much love to give. Being able to pour that into someone who receives it well is honestly one of the best parts of this for me.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Victor: A 10. There鈥檒l always be small adjustments, but we’re fully committed to understanding one another as we grow, and that commitment is what makes it a 10 for me.

Lola: I’ll also say a 10. No relationship is perfect, but we’ve worked hard to get to a place of real understanding, and he’s honestly become my best friend despite the age gap between us. I’ve never once felt talked down to or unheard, and that means everything to me.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

This is Charles鈥� explanation, as told to Adeyinka

Tochi and I went to the same university and stayed in the same hostel. We weren鈥檛 best friends, but we were close buddies and spent quite a bit of time together. We knew each other well enough to joke around and generally had a good relationship.

Because it was a public hostel, the male students usually bathed together. That was how some of the guys discovered that I had a particularly small penis. Once they found out, it became a running joke in the hostel.

They鈥檇 make comments about it and sometimes even try to enter the bathroom whenever I was there just to make fun of me. It wasn鈥檛 something I enjoyed, even though I tried not to show how much it bothered me. At some point, it became so uncomfortable that I started bathing alone.

Tochi joined in sometimes, but he wasn鈥檛 as bad as the others. I could actually take the joke when it came from him because we were friends, and I knew it wasn鈥檛 coming from a malicious place. There鈥檚 a difference between friends joking with you and a group of people constantly picking at something they know makes you uncomfortable.

After university, we lost touch. We went our separate ways, and life just happened. I think he relocated to Abuja with his family while I stayed in Lagos.

Earlier this year, I ran into Tochi at an event. It was genuinely nice seeing him again after all those years. We hugged, caught up and talked about what had happened in our lives since university. It felt like one of those random reunions where you immediately remember the friendship you had before life got serious. There was no awkwardness between us, we just kept talking like we鈥檇 been together the entire time.

He told me he was having some friends over the following weekend and invited me. He mentioned that some of our old university friends would be there, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to see everyone again.

When I got to his place that weekend, I saw two of our old school friends and some other people I didn鈥檛 know. Everyone was having a good time, and there was a lot of banter because some of us hadn鈥檛 seen each other in years. I was comfortable enough to join in because these were people I had known before. It felt like we were all just catching up and remembering the old days. Then, out of nowhere, Tochi brought up my penis.

He asked if I was satisfying women in my life with it. I don鈥檛 know what made me react that way, but I immediately told him to bring his mother and sister and that I鈥檇 teach them a lesson. He got offended immediately and the mood in the house turned sour. Honestly, I didn鈥檛 care.

Maybe I shouldn鈥檛 have responded the way I did, but I also don鈥檛 understand why he thought it was okay to bring up something he knew I鈥檇 been insecure about, especially in front of other people. He knew the history behind the joke. He knew I had dealt with people making fun of me over it before.

What made it worse was that this wasn鈥檛 some random person who didn鈥檛 know me. This was someone I considered a friend and had just reconnected with after years. I expected that, if anything, he would have grown out of that kind of joke.

The whole situation ruined my mood, so I left earlier than I had planned. I didn鈥檛 want to stay around people after that and pretend everything was fine.

We haven鈥檛 spoken since then. I don鈥檛 really care if we do or not. At this point, I鈥檓 no longer the person I was in university who would just sit there and allow people to body-shame me because they thought it was funny.

I鈥檝e grown since then, and I don鈥檛 think being friends with someone means I have to tolerate every joke they make at my expense. There are some things you simply shouldn鈥檛 joke about, especially when you already know the person has been insecure about them.

If someone tries that rubbish with me again, I鈥檒l go lower than hell. People need to stop dishing out what they can鈥檛 take.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

In this week鈥檚 Marriage Diaries, he shares how an argument that turned physical made him question whether he was truly ready for marriage, why his wife鈥檚 personality change became one of their biggest sources of conflict, and how his spiritual journey taught him to respond with patience rather than anger.

Got a marriage story to share? Please聽聽and we鈥檒l reach out.

I thought I鈥檇 found someone like me

I always expected my marriage to be peaceful and without trouble. I鈥檓 a gentle and easy-going person, and I knew I wanted someone like me who didn鈥檛 like to be too social or loud. Even my parents used to joke that they hoped I would find someone like me because my siblings are my complete opposites. We had a difficult relationship growing up because they were always too hyper for my liking, and it caused a lot of fights between us.

So, my experience with them led me to decide I had to marry someone like me. I felt that if we were too different, the marriage wouldn鈥檛 survive. But as they say, we can want one thing, and God can have other plans.

I met my wife at a seven-day retreat. I wasn鈥檛 looking for a relationship at the time. I was also struggling financially, which was one of the reasons I attended the retreat. I really needed God to change things in my life.

One day, I saw her arguing with an usher. She looked so calm while expressing herself that I felt a strange nudge to intervene. Something in me just felt that she couldn鈥檛 have been at fault.

On the day the retreat ended, I asked for her number and she gave it to me. We started talking, and two years later, we got married.

At the time, it felt like she was the light I needed in my life. Things started moving well for me, and I loved her meek and gentle nature. But I didn鈥檛 know she had another side to her.

I didn鈥檛 know my wife could be this different

My wife鈥檚 nature has been the biggest surprise of my marriage. When we met, I genuinely thought I had found someone like me. She was calm, gentle and easy-going, and that was exactly what I wanted. But over the years, she changed. Sometimes, I look at who she was when we got married and who she is now, and it feels like I鈥檓 looking at two completely different people.

She changed physically too, going from slim to much bigger and bustier. But the physical changes aren鈥檛 what bother me. It鈥檚 the behavioural changes that have been harder to adjust to.

She enjoys going out more now and has become much more outspoken. You can鈥檛 put her and the word 鈥済entle鈥� in the same sentence anymore. We鈥檙e almost complete opposites now.

But I鈥檓 already married to her, and I don鈥檛 plan to have a broken home. So I鈥檝e had to learn to be patient and accept that people change.

After all, she also accepted me when I answered my spiritual calling and became a pastor. I can鈥檛 expect her to remain exactly the same person I met 14 years ago while I continue to evolve.

A physical fight made me question our marriage

A year after we got married, my wife and I had a heated argument. In the middle of it, she pushed me so hard that I fell and hurt my back. I couldn鈥檛 believe what had happened.

We didn鈥檛 speak for almost three days, even though we were sleeping and waking up in the same house. I鈥檓 introverted, so when I鈥檓 hurt, my natural reaction is to keep quiet. But those three days made me think deeply. I started asking myself whether I was really ready for marriage if I wasn鈥檛 prepared to forgive my wife.

One thing I鈥檝e learnt is that for a marriage to last, you have to get comfortable with forgiving over and over again. Eventually, I prayed and asked God for direction. I was the one who apologised, even though she was the one who had taken things that far.

That experience made me realise that marriage would require much more patience than I had imagined.

I鈥檝e learnt to keep quiet when she鈥檚 angry

We鈥檝e had several arguments over the years. Sometimes it鈥檚 family, the children or money. There always seems to be something to disagree about when two people are building a life together. But I learnt early that when my wife is angry, I shouldn鈥檛 try to match her energy.

Once she gets in her feelings and it turns into shouting, it鈥檚 better to keep quiet or walk away, as it can become physical. There have been times she has dragged my shirt or sat on me and said I wasn鈥檛 going anywhere.

In the early years, I would either shout back or leave the house for the weekend. I would also keep quiet and avoid talking about things because that鈥檚 just how I naturally am. I didn鈥檛 realise that she was also keeping certain things inside.

Eventually, whether I talked or stayed quiet, once my wife was ready to argue, she would come and meet me wherever I was. It was one of the hardest parts of our marriage. But a lot changed after I answered my calling.

These days, I try to be patient and understanding. I鈥檝e started seeing my wife as a test of my faith. Whenever she does something or wants to start a fight, I ask the Holy Spirit for guidance before I react. And every time, patience has worked. Two people cannot be fire at the same time. One person has to be water.

I was patient, but marriage taught me more about patience

Marriage has made me even more patient. If anyone had told me that I needed more patience, I would have argued with them. Ask anyone who knows me, and they鈥檒l describe me as gentle and easy-going. I鈥檝e always been the person who barely says anything.

So it genuinely surprised me to realise that I still needed to learn how to be more patient.

But I think that was God鈥檚 way of teaching me. There鈥檚 almost nothing in my spiritual journey these days that can shake me or get a brash reaction out of me. I鈥檝e learnt to diffuse a situation before reacting to it, and I learnt that through my marriage.

I should have paid more attention

If I could go back, I would tell myself to pay more attention before getting married.

I know that one or two years, or even five years, isn鈥檛 necessarily enough time to know someone completely. You can sleep and wake up with the same person for the rest of your life and still discover parts of them they鈥檝e chosen to hide from you. But you owe yourself the responsibility of trying to discover those parts.

When I was dating my wife, I naturally accepted that she was calm and easy-going like me. But I didn鈥檛 really put her in situations where I could have found out if that was truly her nature.

So I would tell anyone getting married not to assume they know the person they鈥檙e marrying. Use whatever method works for you to understand the person you鈥檒l spend your life with. You owe yourself that much.

And when people change after marriage, you also have to decide whether you鈥檙e willing to grow with them. For me, marriage has taught me that patience and understanding aren鈥檛 just things you say you value. Sometimes, they鈥檙e what keep you from giving up when you no longer recognise the person you married.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please聽聽and we鈥檒l reach out.

Deji* (28) and Nkem* (27) met at a tech speaking event in Lagos in 2023, and grew close over shared career ambitions.聽

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a friendship that started when Nkem challenged him mid-session, a moving-in arrangement forced by a demolition notice, and the subtle testing she now feels from his mother.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Deji: August 2023. My friends had asked me to volunteer at a tech event at my alma mater and I agreed. I鈥檇 always wanted to get involved in capacity-building work, and it just felt like a low-hanging fruit. During my session, this one lady kept interrupting me with questions. Actually, observations. She鈥檇 raise her hand and I鈥檇 expect a question, but she鈥檇 hit me with 鈥淚 actually think or read something that XYZ.鈥� It felt nice at first, because she made me feel like I was actually making sense. No one else had the same eagerness to participate. But eventually, it started to feel like she was challenging me at every turn, and I got a bit offended. I think I even signalled one of the ushers to stop handing her the microphone. 

Nkem: This was actually so funny when he shared it with me many months later. But yeah, that was me. I鈥檓 usually highly engaged at events like that. I was doing my master鈥檚 at the time and had only attended the event because I knew the organisers. I鈥檇 looked up some of the speakers prior, and I remember thinking, 鈥渙h, he looks cute and smart鈥� when I went through his Instagram page. But that was about it. I鈥檓 not sure whether that very slight interest influenced how I interacted with him during his session. 

So what happened after the session ended?

Deji: I was standing outside, chatting with friends and other attendees, when I saw her walking toward me. I think I might have rolled my eyes and said a silent 鈥測ou again!鈥� My brain had sort of filed her under the 鈥渄ifficult person鈥� cabinet, and I was bracing myself for another round of her observations. But I was pleasantly surprised.

Nkem: The truth is, I knew I came up a certain way during his presentation, so I wanted to apologise for disrupting things so much. I walked up all smiles and told him I had a few more questions. 

I鈥檓 guessing he obliged.

Deji: She completely disarmed me with that smile and apology.

Nkem: We stepped aside to a corner and ended up chatting for almost 20 minutes. I had so many career-related questions, and he was just super helpful and patient in his responses. Before I left, Deji also shared his number and said I could reach out whenever I wanted.

Deji: After she walked away, I remember thinking she was really pretty. It was the first time I properly took her in. I think she had a white top and burgundy baggy pants on. It just looked so stylish in the way she paired it.  She looked like the kind of person I could see myself dating, but it was just a passing thought. 

Right. Did Nkem reach out to you?

Nkem: I actually wanted to send a message the very next day, but I held off on purpose. I didn鈥檛 want it to look like I had some other motive behind reaching out so quickly. To be fair, I鈥檇 also noticed he looked even finer in person and was really well spoken, but I wasn鈥檛 really looking to date at that point. I was laser-focused on completing my master’s and building my side hustle. Men and relationships could wait.

But later that week, I saw a job opportunity and reached out to him to seek clarity on the role. As before, he was really helpful and patient. And really, that鈥檚 how our friendship started. It was a very professional and career-focused friendship, nothing romantic at all. I was also looking into relocating through a scholarship program, and Deji knew a lot about the process, so we always had something substantive to talk about.

Deji: We ended up attending more tech conferences together as well. We went as friends navigating similar spaces and I admit, some of the outings actually felt like lowkey dates. There were instances where we had to grab a quick lunch together at restaurants and it would just be both of us gisting and laughing and just getting to know each other. It never felt like anything beyond a valuable friendship at the time.

I hear you. And how long did the relationship stay this way?

Deji: Pretty much into the next year. But I think our dynamics really had a major shift after Nkem鈥檚 convocation ceremony. Her family couldn鈥檛 make it down to Lagos, so I made it a point to show up and make the day special for her. I invited a few mutual friends, ordered a cake and a photographer and secured a cute spot for us. She didn鈥檛 even know I was doing all that. 

Nkem: That was really sweet. In my head, I just thought I鈥檇 attend the ceremony, celebrate with Deji and a few other friends who were having a proper celebration. I didn鈥檛 know this man was already plotting a coup behind me.

Deji: I mean, I didn鈥檛 want her to feel like she was celebrating alone. Funny thing is, a lot of people at the event just assumed I was her husband or fianc茅 because of how invested I seemed all day. I was going up and down, making sure everyone was well catered for and just generally playing big daddy.聽

Screaming.

Nkem: It meant a lot to me that he did that. But then, after the ceremony, I had to pull him aside and ask the 鈥淲hat are we?鈥� question. We were already blurring the lines, and as I said, he wasn鈥檛 a bad guy at all. I think a part of me was already falling, even if I didn鈥檛 have the exact words to say what it was. But after the whole graduation thing, I needed to be clear about whether this was still a friendship or had become something more. Even though I wasn鈥檛 dating, I had a few people who were disturbing me, and I just wanted to know where things stood with him.

Deji: I鈥檇 honestly wanted to have that conversation, but Nkem beat me to it. I guess I just kept telling myself I was waiting for the perfect moment, even though I couldn鈥檛 really tell what that moment was. When she finally asked, I realised there was no point in stalling any longer, so I went all out and asked her out properly.  

We became official that same month, January 2024.

Sounds sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Deji: They were really good days. I like to call them the honeymoon phase of the relationship, but Nkem insists we鈥檙e on an everlasting honeymoon phase. 

It was a lot of getting to know each other on an even deeper level. We shared the same values and were both extremely career-oriented, which made it a lot easier between us.

Nkem: I agree, though I did feel like he could be a bit too serious sometimes. Deji鈥檚 idea of fun was attending conferences, bootcamps, volunteering events, that sort of thing. I didn’t have a problem with any of that on its own; I just needed him to find some balance and put that same energy into nurturing us as a couple, not just our individual careers. What happened to going on weekend getaways, cinema dates, or even just spending an entire week cooped up at home together? That wasn鈥檛 Deji. If something serious wasn鈥檛 somewhere in the mix, he鈥檇 feel as though he wasn鈥檛 taking his life seriously.  But I shared my concerns, and then he put me in charge of being the enjoyment minister. All I needed to do was set something up, and he鈥檇 make the time. 

Deji: I think something else that surprised me was how direct Nkem was with intimacy. I’d never been with someone who was that specific about what she wanted and how she wanted it, so it took some getting used to on my end.

Nkem: I’m that way because intimacy genuinely matters to me in a relationship; it’s one of the things I pay close attention to. If I’m not satisfied in that area, it’s reason enough for me to walk away, so I’ve always been upfront about it rather than leaving it to guesswork.

But in general, it was a good period. We barely had any major issues. We were figuring each other out properly and testing whether our values and effort matched on both sides. I鈥檇 say the period that really tested us was when I had a housing situation in 2025.

Oh. What happened?

Nkem: My rented apartment was marked for demolition, and we all received eviction notices from the landlord. I needed to leave and get a new place within a fairly tight window, and the entire thing really threw me off. I鈥檇 been living in the house since I moved to Lagos, and it had become my safe haven. Having to leave with little or no time to prepare got me in a state of constant fear and worry. Rent prices at the time were also ridiculous. Everything available felt like it was double what I’d been paying, and raising that kind of money on short notice felt overwhelming on top of everything else I had going on. 

Somewhere in the middle of all that stress, Deji suggested I move in with me.

You have your own place, Deji?

Deji: I actually live with my mum and three siblings, but it’s a big house, and we had a spare guest room that was sitting empty most of the time. Nkem had already met my family a few times by that point and they liked her, so it didn’t feel like a completely wild idea to me. It felt more like the practical solution and I guess I just wanted to ease the pressure on her. 

The other thing is, I knew she was actively planning to relocate, so it wasn鈥檛 going to be a permanent arrangement.

Fair enough. But did your mum agree?

Deji: Her main worry was the optics. She didn’t want it to look bad if Nkem’s parents found out she was living with a man she wasn’t married to, especially given how conservative Nigerian parents can be about that kind of thing. But Nkem’s parents weren’t even based in Lagos, so they didn鈥檛 realise how bad the rent situation was until she broke it down for them. The moment she started mentioning rent that ran into millions, they changed their tune.

Nkem: I wasn’t fully sold on the idea myself at first. If I’m honest, moving in with your boyfriend’s family is a big shift, no matter how you frame it. I just kept drawing up different scenarios in my head. Would I get along with his mum? His siblings? Would I have to cook for them? Go greet his mum every morning? I was just overthinking everything, and Deji kept saying it wasn鈥檛 that serious. He said they鈥檇 housed strangers several times, so why would it be hard to house someone he cares about? 

I think what really convinced me was the setup of the guest room. I’d visited the house enough times to know that it was built almost separately from the main house, with its own entrance, so it felt like there’d still be some real boundary and privacy there. 

Eventually,聽I moved in that July.

What was it like once you actually moved in?

Nkem: Things were sweet and pretty normal. I was apprehensive going in, but everyone, including his mum, made an effort to make me feel welcome. They’d include me in meals, ask me to come sit with everyone in the main house, little things like that. I realised that I鈥檇 really been overthinking a lot of things. In those first few months, there were times when I didn鈥檛 see his mum more than twice a week, or even once. She鈥檚 an early riser and always leaves for her shop very early in the morning. As for his siblings, we鈥檇 been cool before, and it just continued that way. I don鈥檛 know what Deji had told them, but I knew there was some level of restraint in how they related to me. Not like a bad restraint, more like trying to be super respectful.

Deji: I’d actually done a lot of groundwork beforehand. I made sure my mum and siblings understood how much Nkem meant to me and that I didn’t want any issues arising from the living arrangement. Obviously, they laughed and made fun of me when I told them, but they also knew I was serious. 

However, there are definitely things outside my control.

What do you mean?

Deji: Even with all the groundwork I put in beforehand, mothers will always be mothers. My mum has her own way of showing care that doesn’t always land the way she intends, and I can’t exactly monitor every interaction between them.

Nkem: There are moments where I feel like she’s testing me, even if she’d never say that outright, and I don’t think she means it that way either. There have been times she’s insisted she only wants food that I’ve made. She鈥檒l just come to the room sometimes and go, 鈥淣kem, it鈥檚 that your jollof rice that I want to eat this weekend o,鈥� or she鈥檇 come and ask if I can make one Igbo soup or the other. It’s never said with any malice, but it still feels like a subtle test in a way I can’t quite explain. Like, there鈥檚 no way I can turn down the request even if I鈥檓 not feeling up to it.

Do you ever think she鈥檚 just trying to bond?

Nkem: I don鈥檛 deny that, but it still feels strange sometimes. And it鈥檚 not just the food. Whenever Deji is away, whether it’s for the weekend or a work trip, she insists I come sleep in her room rather than stay alone in the guest room, even though I’m perfectly comfortable there. 

Deji has tried to reassure me that she means well, that it’s just her wanting to look out for me while he’s not around, and honestly, I don’t doubt her intentions at all. It just still makes me uncomfortable in the moment. 

When I try to explain how it feels from my side, Deji tends to see it purely as his mum extending love. And it sometimes makes me feel like my feelings get brushed aside, even if that’s never his intention, 

Deji: I do genuinely believe my mum means well. That鈥檚 just her way of showing care and making sure Nkem feels included, and not like an outsider. But I recognise I need to be more intentional about drawing clearer boundaries with my family around this, rather than just assuming good intentions cover everything.

Neat. Is there a plan for how long this living arrangement will last?

Deji: We’re actually looking to relocate soon, so hopefully this whole thing comes to a natural end once that happens. I can鈥檛 wait for the day when we finally have our own space to ourselves.

Speaking of the future, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

What’s the best thing about being with each other through all of this?

Nkem: Deji is very supportive. That鈥檚 one thing I can never take away from him. There are things I鈥檝e achieved just in the few years we鈥檝e been together that would have taken me more time and effort. He has consistently shown up for me, and I love him for that. Despite the awkward moments with his family, I do genuinely feel welcomed by them, and that matters to me.

Deji: I feel lucky to have someone this purpose-driven by my side. I also don’t have to worry about whether my family accepts her, because they clearly do, even with the small frictions here and there. I’m just looking forward to when we finally move and get to have our own privacy as a couple.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Deji: I’d say an 8. Obviously, the living situation has added some strain that isn’t really about us as a couple, so I’m knocking off a couple of points for that, but Nkem is my person. 

Nkem: I’ll also say an 8. We鈥檝e built a strong foundation both as friends and lovers. I can鈥檛 wait to start exploring the world with my best man. 

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e never experienced that kind of friendship switch-up, these Nigerians have. They share what it鈥檚 like to lose friends who became famous and suddenly started treating them like strangers.

鈥淗e鈥檚 now a top producer鈥� 鈥� Tunji*, 33

I went to the same primary and secondary school with my friend, who鈥檚 now a popular music producer and artist. We were still cool after secondary school, but that was around when he started getting serious about music. We both left for university and lost contact for about a year. Before I knew it, he鈥檇 started producing for popular artists. I reached out to his younger brother, and we reconnected, but the vibe wasn鈥檛 the same. He wouldn鈥檛 respond for days, pick up my calls or generally communicate. Eventually, he stopped responding altogether. He鈥檚 much bigger now, and I don鈥檛 really like telling people we were friends because it might look like clout-chasing.

鈥淢y mum still loves her鈥� 鈥� Temi*, 29

I don鈥檛 have a personal experience, but my mum used to be friends with a popular Nollywood actress. The actress would come to our house and sometimes leave her daughter with my mum whenever she travelled for jobs. My mum treated her like a sister, and even some of her family members thought she was doing too much for her. Then the actress got her big break, and everything changed. She stopped coming around and stopped picking up my mum鈥檚 calls. Around 2020, they ran into each other at a mutual friend鈥檚 event. She apologised and gave my mum a new number, but nobody has been able to reach her on it. My mum still talks about her lovingly, but she鈥檚 hurt.

鈥淢y friend blocked me鈥� 鈥� Derin*, 30

My friend is a popular beauty influencer, and we stayed friends even after she started getting famous. At some point, she began posting that her friends were parasitic and insincere. I even asked her if I鈥檇 done something to upset her or crossed a line, but she said I hadn鈥檛. Then, around 2023, she went on an influencer trip to another country and stayed there for weeks. I found out from Instagram and tried to message her on WhatsApp. That was when I realised she鈥檇 blocked me. I still don鈥檛 know what I did. At some point, I accepted that whatever friendship we had was probably over. I don鈥檛 want to force myself into anyone鈥檚 life.

鈥淲e only talk because we鈥檙e family鈥� 鈥� David*, 27

My cousin is a behind-the-scenes person in the entertainment industry. He works with lots of celebrities and is always hanging out with them. We used to be extremely close. People even thought we were siblings because we were together so often. Before he got into the industry, I could show up at his house whenever I wanted. Since he moved to the Island, though, there鈥檚 always an excuse for why I can鈥檛 come over. He barely attends family events anymore, either. Obviously, we still talk because we鈥檙e family, but it鈥檚 nothing like before. We have mutual friends who complain to me that he no longer responds to them, and I don鈥檛 even tell them I鈥檓 dealing with the same thing.

鈥淲e were roomates in uni鈥� 鈥� Damola*, 30

My former university roommate is now a popular skitmaker and content creator. To be honest, I was the one who started pulling back when he became popular because I didn鈥檛 want to seem like I was attaching myself to his fame. I expected him to notice and reach out, or at least reassure me that nothing had changed. Instead, he also pulled back. We still have each other on WhatsApp, but we don鈥檛 talk. I also don鈥檛 tell people I know him. Once, I posted an old picture of us from university, and it ended up on a blog. He got angry and asked why I posted it. That was the last time we spoke.

鈥淭he friendship is ending soon鈥� 鈥� Funmi*, 29

My friend is an actress. She鈥檚 not extremely famous yet, but she鈥檚 been in a couple of blockbuster movies and does lots of YouTube productions. These days, she doesn鈥檛 respond to my messages like before and usually says she鈥檚 busy. She even missed my wedding, although she sent money and apologised. I just feel like our friendship can never be what it used to be. Give or take another five years, I don鈥檛 think we鈥檒l still be close. Right now, it feels like we鈥檙e both holding on because we still benefit from each other. I occasionally handle some projects for her, so there鈥檚 still a reason for us to stay in touch. But I know the friendship has changed.

鈥淗is family refused to share his contact鈥� 鈥� Seyi*, 34

I used to be friends with a popular singer. We went to secondary school and university together and even attended studio sessions together. In the early days, I was always around him, and we talked about how I鈥檇 always be part of his crew. Then he had a major breakthrough in 2019, and everything changed. He changed his numbers, travelled out and became unreachable. I tried to keep in touch and even went to his family’s house, but they wouldn鈥檛 give me his contact. They collected mine and promised he鈥檇 reach out, but he never did. He鈥檚 not popping like he used to, but he鈥檚 still popular. I still wish him well, though.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Abdulwaduud (31) and Zee (25) met during a work project in February 2025.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a DM trap set after a dinner event, a mother who nearly disqualified him over his hair before a single phone call changed her mind, and a marriage that happened in less than six months of dating.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Zee: We met through work in February 2025. A bunch of us were added to a WhatsApp group for a project, and he was on it, too. 

Abdulwaduud: I remember that meeting. She was on the team as media personnel for the brand, and I was there as the interior designer and painter. The project was about 90% complete, and we all had to meet in person to get to know each other. That was the first time I properly registered her.

Zee: Actually, now that he mentions it, I just remembered that I did a little snooping around a day before the meeting. Someone had dropped his Instagram handle in the group and I was curious to see if he knew his onions. I got to the page and was impressed. But I also saw his pictures and thought, 鈥淭his man is definitely married.鈥� It was just a passing thought, really.

When we met in person the next day, he seemed cordial and nice. At one point, he got a bit vocal with someone doing a messy job on the walls, and I must have rolled my eyes or something. But that was it, I’d already concluded he was married, so I really didn’t pay much attention beyond that.

Abdulwaduud, was there something specific you noticed about her that day?

Abdulwaduud: It was the way she carried herself. I’m very particular about composure, and she was so well put together, still is. It wasn’t really about anything else, just how present and composed she was in the room, especially surrounded by a lot of other people. She’d come straight from her regular 9-to-5 to attend, and even then, she listened more than she spoke. That evening, we had dinner before everyone left, and she was sitting right across from me, smiling at her phone. She had no idea I was already on her matter.

Right. Did you guys have an actual conversation that day? 

Abdulwaduud: Not in a straightforward way, I had to set a bit of a trap to get her attention. We took pictures at the dinner, and I figured if I tagged people in a post, she’d likely get reposted into it and eventually find her way to my page. I’d spent the entire meeting checking her out without saying much, wondering if she was even single. So that night, I posted the food photo hoping she’d stumble onto my handle through the tag.

Zee: And it worked, though it took me all of two hours of scrolling his page before I even liked anything. Then, as soon as I liked something, he reacted to an OOTD post of mine and asked, 鈥淥h, do you sew your clothes?鈥� I told him no and asked why he’d think that.

Abdulwaduud: I’d genuinely spent the last two hours on her page trying to figure out what to say that wasn’t too forward. I landed on complimenting her outfit indirectly by asking if she made it herself. When she said no, I told her whoever tailored it deserved an award, and things just flowed from there, a lot of back-and-forth banter. At some point, I mentioned it was Ramadan and that I didn’t want to spoil my fast. Then she asked what I was praying for, and I mentioned a wife, marriage, love, peace, and prosperity.

Zee: The moment he said that, I figured he probably wasn’t married after all, and I thought, okay, maybe there’s something here.

Sweet. So how did things progress from that point? 

Zee: Pretty fast. Honestly, I wasn’t even ready for anything serious at the time. I’d just come out of a bad breakup and had mentally given myself a year off dating. But Abdulwaduud was so intentional right from day one. He told me he wasn’t looking to date casually, that he wanted to marry me. I was genuinely scared at first, but he never wavered. He always made sure I knew where he stood, even while we were still getting to know each other.

Abdulwaduud: It鈥檚 just like she shared. I didn鈥檛 waste time at all, even though I was also waiting for Ramadan to end before pushing things further. About a week or so after, we arranged to meet for Iftar (dinner) in person, not officially a date yet, just a chance to talk face to face instead of only over DM. 

From there, we started talking every single day, and I was very straightforward. I told her early on that I don’t do talking stages. Once I know I’m interested, I want to find out quickly whether it’s going to work rather than dragging things out. In fact, I told her we were going to get married in the same year or next. Then I gave her about a week after that conversation to decide whether she wanted to pursue things further. She visited me the following week, and that鈥檚 how our story took off.

But when exactly did it officially become a relationship?

Zee: We鈥檇 like to keep that bit to ourselves, but we’d gone to the cinema, and on the drive home, he brought it up in the car. I actually told him to stop, but he went ahead anyway. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend exactly; he used the word woman instead.

Abdulwaduud: By that point, we’d already laid out where we both stood, so it wasn’t a total surprise to her, just the timing.

Curious, Zhulaikah, how did it feel knowing this relationship wasn鈥檛 just about dating, but that marriage was always the end goal?

Zee: I鈥檒l be honest. A big mindshift had to happen before I could proceed. I鈥檇 taken a break from dating, but I鈥檇 also told myself that the next relationship I found myself in had to be worthwhile. I probably wasn鈥檛 expecting things to move so fast, but at the end of the day, we both wanted the same things. 

Got it. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Zee: Sweet. We grew closer and really got into the whole getting-to-know-each-other-properly phase. I think what I liked most was how intentional we were about ensuring our values aligned before committing to something deeper.  The early days felt like we each had an individual checklist to tick off. 

Abdulwaduud: I think the highlight of our early days was her mother getting to know me. I was still wearing braids during that period, and that sort of rubbed off on her first impression of me.

Oh

Zee: So here鈥檚 the thing. I hadn’t told my mum directly about Abdulwaduud; I’d only mentioned it to my aunt, thinking it would stay private for a while. Somehow, it got back to my mum anyway, and she called me with questions. 

When I finally spoke to her, I made the mistake of showing her his Instagram page, thinking she’d be impressed by his work. Instead, she fixated on the fact that he plaits his hair. She felt that would attract a lot of women around him and wasn’t comfortable with it. I told her to just speak to him directly before judging by what she saw. I gave her his number, they talked, and by the next call, she’d completely changed her tune. She only had positive things to say and said she wanted to meet me. I still don鈥檛 know what he said to charm her.

Did you consider cutting your hair after hearing her mum鈥檚 concern, Abdulwaduud?

Abdulwaduud: Not at all. Even before Zee became my wife, she loved my hair and how I styled it however I wanted. Funny enough, I now need her permission before I even think about doing anything funny with my hair. She loves how I take care of my hair and even invests in it herself now. People assume it’s a simple decision I can make alone, but that’s not my call to make by myself anymore.

Aside from the hair drama, were there any other things you had to navigate in the relationship?

Zee: Nothing that felt alarming. It was a discovery period for both of us, but it also brought understanding. For instance, he found out I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, even though I can cook. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen growing up, and I just don’t enjoy it the same way anymore.

Abdulwaduud: That one was karma for me, honestly. I also don’t like cooking, but I still fell for someone who isn’t big on spending time in the kitchen. However, as she said, these weren鈥檛 major issues that shifted anything about our relationship or how we felt for each other. 

Food means a lot to me, and there’s an emotional element to it for me that goes beyond just eating. So we had to have conversations about it. I told her that I’d always pictured building a food plan with my wife, having someone who’d help keep me on track and just enjoying home-cooked meals rather than eating out. It was kind of crushing to find out she wasn鈥檛 big on it. But we found a way around it. 

Nice. What was the solution?

Zee: First off, he made it clear that it wasn’t about him demanding I cook every day; it was more about figuring out conditions that would make it feel less like an obligation for me. And for me, those conditions were a kitchen environment that actually feels homely, room to communicate honestly about when I’m up for it and when I’m not.

Abdulwaduud: Exactly, she laid out what would help her feel supported, and I worked towards meeting those conditions.

Speaking of shared activities, how did the marriage conversation pick up pace?

Abdulwaduud: I was constantly bringing it up to the point where I was rushing everyone around me. I wanted everything done by July, and it felt unbelievable to me that it stretched into November. I was the one pushing hardest for us to meet each other’s families early.

Zee: Marriage was always part of the conversation from the start, so it was really just about deciding when. I’ll admit I was the one holding things back a bit; in my head, I kept thinking it was too early, too fast. We eventually agreed on a date around June, after my birthday, and decided on August for the Nikah.

Wait. Just six months into dating? Was there any pushback from family or friends about the pace of things?

Zee: My family, aside from my mum, definitely thought we were moving too fast at first. They had all these questions about how long we’d known each other and were genuinely concerned. But once they actually met Abdulwaduud and spoke to him, their whole tone changed. It happened every single time. 

Abdulwaduud: On my side, though, my family had a lot of concerns about my readiness. My grandma had been on my case for years to get married, so the pace itself wasn’t the issue. 

But my family wanted to be sure I could actually provide for and properly care for a wife. They wondered whether I could sort out my own living arrangements and all the practical things needed to set up a family. They also asked both of us to do genotype and health checks. It felt less like doubt and more like making sure we were both truly prepared, especially since I come from a broken family and had always been deliberate about not rushing that particular decision. It was one of the most emotionally demanding moments for me because my relatives kept grilling me. They just wanted to make sure I knew what I was signing up for.

So when did you guys get married?

Abdulwaduud: We had our Nikah ceremony in August, and then a larger event in November, where our families invited guests and partied. Honestly, that gap in between wasn’t for us; it was for our families, giving them time to prepare and invite people properly. If it were up to me, we’d have done both on the same day and moved on with our lives.

Oh. Does this mean you still lived apart after your Nikah ceremony? 

Zee: Yes. We didn鈥檛 start living together as a couple until after the wedding reception in November. 

Got it. Were the early days of marriage any different to when you were dating?

Abdulwaduud: Not entirely. But this time around, we lived together and that naturally required some adjustment.聽

I think the hardest part for me was more about the hard work and financial commitment it took to set up a home. It came with a lot more logistics than I expected. It was overwhelming in ways I hadn’t fully prepared for, but that moment also brought us closer. We were figuring it all out together, learning each other’s love language and what I’d call our fight language, too.

Zee: It鈥檚 just like he said. We had to make some adjustments, mostly around how we handled issues. I鈥檓 naturally slower to process issues. And that鈥檚 something that even showed up during the marriage conversation itself. I was the one wanting to take more time, while he was ready to move quickly. 

But even when we have small disagreements or differences of opinion, communication has always been our greatest strength. We鈥檝e always been able to talk things through until we land on something solid. 

But have you two ever had a major fight, though?

Abdulwaduud: I think we鈥檝e had a couple, but honestly, I can’t pinpoint one specifically. Whatever tension comes up usually dies the moment we actually talk it through, so it stops feeling like a big deal in hindsight. One example that comes to mind is about how I handle confrontation. She doesn’t love it when I get vocal with people, like okada riders driving recklessly. 

There was a day when one nearly hit us twice while we were carrying a passenger, and I got out of the car to address it. She really hated it. But for me, my first instinct in that moment was more about collective responsibility, correcting bad behaviour before it affects someone else. 

Zee: I felt like I wasn’t really being heard in that moment. The guy already apologised. If I were the one driving, my first instinct would’ve been to accept the apology and move on quickly. But Abdulwaduud has his own way of handling things, and many times that means confrontation.

Anyway, we talked it through afterwards, and I helped him understand that he could at least have listened to me in that moment. Honestly, we do a lot of talking in this relationship. That鈥檚 really our bag. There鈥檚 no issue we鈥檝e never been able to navigate after a conversation where both parties share how they鈥檙e feeling.

Neat. How would you each say this relationship has changed you?

Abdulwaduud: My sense of responsibility, mostly. I never realised how intertwined my choices would become with someone else’s feelings until we got married. I鈥檝e also realised how much I still have to learn. I used to think I had everything figured out, but being with her taught me that two different perspectives can both be true at once, and that’s been humbling. She’s taught me patience in ways I didn’t know I needed, and I’m endlessly grateful to have someone patient enough to walk me through things until I truly understand them.

Zee: I’ve learned to talk about things more in the moment instead of needing days to process before addressing anything. That’s been a real shift for me, and it’s made things easier between us over time. I genuinely believe our communication is the best thing about this marriage; without it, I think we’d have struggled a lot more than we have.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Abdulwaduud: A 10. We still have a lot to learn about each other, but we’re doing it together, and our communication is what makes that possible.

Zee: I’ll also say a 10. If there’s anything shaky in this relationship, it’s never been our love for each other; that part has always felt certain. Everything else, we’re building intentionally, together.

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