Today, I’ll be recapping Merry Men 3: Nemesis.

The following tweet is my official intro for this article.

Let’s get into it.

The movie starts with a flashback to an unspecified point in time when the entire world was covered with the sepia filter Hollywood uses for films set in Mexico. We’re introduced to two characters, Dafe and Ayo, played by the worst child actors I’ve ever seen. Ayo is showing Dafe a magic trick involving a coin.

After a title card that serves PS1 realness, the movie returns to the present day and drops us smack in the middle of a police car filmed and edited like the director was trying his hardest to make the audience vomit. Also, am I bugging or is this Andrew Tate??

The robber gets away after blowing up the police cars and returns to the rest of his crew. They takes off their mask and is revealed to be Dafe 鈥� one of the kids from the opening scene 鈥� now played by Chidi Mokeme. Dafe asks to be released from the robbery gang as he has paid what he owes (what this is all about will be revealed later), and the gang leader says no.

TEN BANKS?!

So Dafe kills the rest of the crew with poison (the poison somehow takes hold of all of them at the same time), shoots the leader in the face, and returns to Nigeria.

In the next scene, Ayo (Ramsey Nouah) is getting married to his girlfriend, Dera. Dera was played by Damilola Adegbite in the last movie, but:

As Ayo and Dera are reading their vows, a recording of Dafe’s voice starts playing over the church’s PA system. While Ayo’s groomsmen, Amaju (AY) and Johnny (Williams Uchemba), try to figure out what’s happening, the wedding guests are LIVING for the drama. My favourites are these two:

Dafe makes them watch a live stream of their friend, Naz (played in the last movie by Jim Iyke but by a body double in this one), getting blown up with a car bomb on his way to Ayo’s wedding. All the main characters react to this death to the best of their actors’ abilities. But Naz’s girlfriend, Kemi (Rosaline Meurer), reacts by screaming directly into the camera for some reason, and it’s the most unintentionally hilarious thing I’ve ever seen.

Ajamu goes to warn fellow merry man Remi (played by Falz in the last movie) that there’s a new threat but finds him dead. All I can think about at this point is how many people declined to return to this franchise by saying, “Kill off our characters and use their deaths to kickstart this anyhow plot.”

While the merry men are grieving their losses, Dafe returns to his village to see his mother. He learns from his mother’s friend that his mother died months prior from an illness, and she couldn’t be treated due to a lack of health facilities in the village.

After he says this, Dafe comes to a conclusion.

Because he’s tired of them stealing the funds meant for things like health facilities. His first target is a politician named Chief Jimoh (Jide Kosoko). Jide Kosoko is in this movie for all of three minutes and spends 99% of that time doing this:

Dafe shoots Chief Jimoh in the face, anyway. He then kidnaps the priest and friend of the gang, Uduak Francis (played by Ejike Asiegbu in the last movie but now played by Sam Dede), and promises to let Uduak go if Ayo comes.

Ayo shows up, but to no one鈥檚 surprise, Dafe shoots them both. Uduak dies, but Ayo survives thanks to a bulletproof vest. Ajamu, Johnny, and Dera take Ayo to a hospital to be cared for by a Doctor Ejiro (played by famously 35-year-old actress and reality TV star Carolyna Hutchings).

The merry men find out they’re wanted by the police because Dafe has framed them for the murder of Chief Jimoh, so they return to their secret bunker to figure out what to do next. Amaju gets a call from prison. It’s Dame Maduka (Ireti Doyle), and she wants Amaju to visit her. Amaju is worried about being caught by the police, so he dons a disguise.

Y’all. Look at this disguise.

I haven’t seen a disguise this flimsy since . Jesus Christ.

I zone out for a bit, and something Dame Maduka says snaps me back to reality and makes me question the nature of the movie I’m watching.

Keep in mind that I didn’t alter the subtitles here. So I’m just sitting there like:

Dame Maduka says she has information on Dafe’s whereabouts and is willing to share, but only if the merry men break her out of prison. And they do, with the help of a character recruited by Dera named Zara (Ufuoma McDermott). Zara initially refuses to help because she’s worried about her son’s safety.

But Dera is like:

Zara robs a bank, intentionally gets caught, and is sent to the same prison Dame Maduka is in. I pause here to laugh at how easily this plan would’ve fallen apart if she’d been sent to another prison. Thank God for plot for convenience. After delivering Dame Maduka to the merry men bunker base of operations, Zara attempts to peace the fuck out…until Dafe sashays back into the movie’s plot to reveal that he’s kidnapped her son.

Zara freaks the fuck out.

She loses her entire shit and holds everyone at gunpoint for some reason.

Dame Maduka is just In the corner like:

Dame Maduka would be great at “So You Don’t Have To.”

Zara goes on a solo rescue mission and is promptly captured, beaten, and given the Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego treatment. Except that in this case, she feels the fire and dies horrifically.

Dafe says he’ll release Zara’s son if the merry men kill the senate president. They agree. While they plan for this, Dame Maduka convinces Kemi (Naz’s grieving widow) to give her the code to the group鈥檚 vault in exchange for Dafe’s whereabouts so Kemi can get her revenge.

This is incredibly stupid because the merry men already know where Dafe is. This subplot only happens so Dame Maduka can clear the vault and run off with their money while they’re on their mission. But whatever, sha.

Ayo shoots the senate president on-camera…

…while Dafe watches with so much excitement, it looks like he’s creaming his jeans.

Dafe asks the merry men to meet him at Zara’s son’s favourite place. The merry men are confused because Zara, the only person who would know this, has been barbecued. Dera correctly guesses that it’s the Hakuna Matata theme park in Lekki because that’s where she met with Zara earlier in the movie.

And that’s when I clock what’s happening.

The movie’s climax is set up to happen at Hakuna Matata theme park due to a product placement deal between the park and the movie studio. I’m just like:

The merry men get there at the same time as the police. Dafe finds out that the merry men faked the senate president shooting video, so he angrily straps a bomb to Zara’s son’s chest. The merry men show up, and many fucking awful fight scenes happen concurrently. Dafe is defeated, and the merry men are free to go because their names have been cleared. It’s revealed that Ayo is the father of Zara’s son.

Meanwhile, Dame Maduka attempts to escape with the merry men’s money but is thwarted by the police.

Hopefully, for the last time, because I DO NOT want to see another Merry Men movie.

Are you single due to no fault of your own (village people) or due to a fault of your own (madness, bad behaviour, selfishness, gaslighting, girl bossing, gatekeeping, inability to be someone’s peace, inability to piss one place make e foam 鈥� i.e. cheating) and will therefore spend this Valentine’s day alone snarling at couples in real life and online out of intense levels of jealousy unseen since Cain killed Abel?

If your answer to all that was yes, here are five ways to change your miserable fate.

Go to therapy.

The reason you’ve been unable to get anyone to love you could be because you have issues that can only be solved with the help of a mental health professional. Use the 14 days you have left between the time this article is being written and Valentine’s Day to find a therapist (or two, depending on the severity of your issues) and get to work. You don’t have time to ease into it, so you should be ready to vomit all your trauma onto that therapist’s floor during your first session.

If you’re lucky, someone will notice that you’ve changed and pick 鈥� you, choose you, love 鈥� you to do “my view, their view” with this year.

Try church.

Churches are full of people trying to better themselves, so you’ll fit right in. Just be sure not to drop the problems you showed up with and leave with someone else’s. For example, say you’re there to shake off the spiritual spouse you didn’t know tethered itself to you the time you gave your celebrity crush gluck-gluck sloppy-toppy 3000 in a dream. Don’t leave there with another demon that has no interest in you or your genitals and just wants to cause chaos.

It’s time to shine your spiritual eye.

Do juju.

Don’t make that face, ok? Deep down, you always knew it would come to this. You’re gonna find a way to get a lock of hair from your crush and take it to a Babalawo so they can jazz the person into liking you back. Contrary to popular belief, Babalawos are no longer hard to find. Hell, half the time, they’ll do the hard work by seeking you out.

Hijack someone’s proposal.

People have gotten engaged so much since November last year that I wondered if the rapture was coming and single people would be left behind. My point is that it shouldn’t be hard to find a proposal taking place. Find one, threaten one of them at gunpoint to leave and never return. Then take their place. Simple. Use the gun to get the other person to stay with you until Valentine’s Day.

Join a throuple.

If using violence or juju isn’t your thing, find a relationship that’s already in full gear and convince them to take you in by reciting Nicki Minaj’s in the song Hey Mama. If it’s good enough for the white gays, it’s good enough for you.

The lead character is always a likeable black actress.

Kelly Rowland in Mea Culpa, Taraji P Henson in Acrimony, and Jurnee Smollett-Bell in Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. My theory is that Tyler Perry casts these women to draw in black audiences and also to distract from the shitty storylines.

There’s always a black supporting actor whose character ain’t shit.

Trevantes Rhodes in this, Mechad Brooks in A Fall From Grace, and Robbie Jones in Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. This character always seems sweet at first but then ends up being a steaming hot piece of shit. His MO is sweet-talking and manipulation. This brings me to my next point.

The black lead female character always gets romantically or sexually entangled with the black supporting male character.

There’s always a strong reason she shouldn’t 鈥� Jurnee Smollett-Bell and Robbie Jones in Confessions of a Marriage Counselor, Crystal Fox and Mechad Brooks in A Fall From Grace 鈥� but she does it anyway, causing problems for herself. As you can see, Kelly Rowland’s character continues the tradition in Mea Culpa.

The black female lead character must suffer.

Usually because of her romantic association with the black supporting male character. It was the same with Acrimony when he turned Taraji’s character into a mad person so he could deliver the worst final act in all of film history. He does the same thing in Confessions of a Marriage Counselor when Jurnee’s character suffers domestic abuse and AIDS 鈥� the movie disgustingly frames it that way, I shit you not 鈥� at the hands of the man she’s left her husband for. Mea Culpa isn’t out yet, but you can already tell from the trailer that Kelly’s character will GO THROUGH IT for the same reason.

A poster with the most dramatic lighting you’ve ever seen.

Tyler Perry movie posters are always lit, like the characters are intensely serving face while hiding from a slasher movie villain in a closet, and the killer took the picture from outside the closet. I’m not even kidding. Check out the posters for and .

There’s always a cunty ass tagline.

The tagline for Acrimony is “Hell hath no fury”, while the one for A Fall From Grace is “Every woman has a breaking point.” I love these because they sound like the kind of lines Mary Alice Young would use for the closing narration of every Desperate Housewives episode.

Wigs that look like they cost N750.

I’m sure that when the movie premieres, we’ll be gagged by the assortment of hair pieces in it. Tyler Perry never disappoints when it comes to this.

1) Miss Bellum (Powerpuff Girls)

There’s no reason why Miss Sara Bellum, the Mayor’s assistant, was this hot. I used to have a thing against skirt suits (I believed they were all ugly and shouldn’t be worn), but Miss Bellum singlehandedly changed my views on them. The added mystery of the show never really revealing her face made her even hotter.

2) Dexter’s Mom (Dexter’s Laboratory)

As far as I’m concerned, Dexter’s mom (who was never given a name) would sashay into every episode of that show in her signature outfit and apron, look into the camera and quietly whisper, “What waist?” I was obsessed.

3) Megara (Hercules)

I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe Meg’s energy when I first saw Hercules, but now I do. Meg was cunty as hell. Legend has it that Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” and the intro to Beyonc茅’s “Pure Honey” were written about Meg. Legend also has it that I sometimes lie for comedic effect.

4) Elastigirl (The Incredibles)

Whoever came up with the phrase “Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal” was definitely talking about Elastigirl because GYATT DAMN.

5) Jasmine (Aladdin)

All I’ll say is that Aladdin using almost all of his wishes to impress Jasmine came as no surprise to me. I would’ve done the same thing.

6) Lola Bunny (Space Jam)

Yes, I know she’s a rabbit, but look at her! Why the hell was she so damn hot? Even Warner Bros knew they’d strayed far from God’s light designing her the way they did and putting her in the skimpiest of outfits that they had to tone it down the for the sequel.

1) Chess

All my life, many people have tried to explain the rules of chess to me, and each time, I have been physically unable to listen. Why can some players move about at will, and others can only shuffle sideways like crabs? Why is the queen so cunty? I love my games involving mindless fun, and chess is the opposite of that.

2) Monopoly

The housing market is the worst it has ever been. Word on the street is that many people in this generation will never own a house of their own and will rent until the Grim Reaper cometh for them. Now, why would you want to play an endless game that reminds you of the real-life rent that is kicking your ass and property you’ll never be able to own? Is it fun when you have to mortgage all your properties to pay half of what you owe to the billionaire player who owns everything else?

3) Scrabble

Let me tell you something. If I wanted to spell things, I’d go compete in a spelling bee or just watch Lawrence Fishburne bully a 12-year-old Keke Palmer into learning how to spell “pulchritude”. Don’t stress me out, please.

4) Jenga

Pulling out blocks from an already unstable structure? Jenga is insanely nerve-wracking. Jenga is the shape I imagine my anxiety would take if it could leave my body and fashion a physical form for itself. Weirdly enough, the gameplay is also an accurate representation of my mental health. But that’s another story for another day.

WARNING: The lines below could potentially give you flashbacks to the nerve-wracking days of your childhood, not unlike the time Xavier mentally transported Magneto back to his childhood as a Jewish prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp because Magneto was kicking his ass.

In other words, strap in. It’s going to be a wild ride.

1) “Finish your food quick. Your lesson teacher is here.”

2) “We’re going to the hospital to take injection.”

3) “Go and bring your result. Let me see.”

4) “If your note is not complete, come outside.”

5) Your name on the list of noisemakers x38

6) “Rats will eat you alive if you don鈥檛 clean your room.”

7) “If I go and look for it and find it there, what should I do to you?”

8) “Eat the food I’ve made or go to sleep hungry.”

9) “Go and wear your slippers and meet me outside.”

10) “I’ll deal with you when I get home.”

11) “You’re resuming boarding school next week.”

12) “It’s time for our weekly movie viewing of Agbara Nla.”

13) “If you don’t go to church, you’ll be left behind when the rapture happens.”

14) Did I not ask you to take the meat out from the freezer?!鈥�

15) “Bring the money. Let me keep it for you.”

1) Wife Swap

“In the program, two families, usually from different social classes and lifestyles, swap wives/mothers 鈥� or sometimes husbands 鈥� for two weeks.”

– The show’s premise

Can you imagine the hilarious chaos that would result from a Nigerian version of this? If you can’t, this meme will give you an idea.

2) MILF Manor

“In the show, eight single women between the ages of 40 and 60 live in a villa in Mexico to pursue romantic relationships with eight single men a few decades younger. In the first episode, the show reveals that the men are the women’s sons.”

– The show’s premise

A group of middle-aged single Nigerian women asked to romantically mingle with each other’s sons. I can see that timeline now. Online backlash from conservatives would be through the roof, but so would the ratings and audience numbers. This would also mean that hypocrisy would be at an all-time high.

3) For the Love of DILFs

“An explosive dating show where two groups of gay men (Daddies and Himbos) compete to find love and win a $10,000 investment into their relationship. Hosted by Stormy Daniels.”

– The show’s premise

2010’s unintentionally hilarious Nollywood gay classic, “Men in Love“, worked Nigerians up into a frothy lather, so I assure you that a Nigerian version of “For the Love of DILFs” would straightup cause people to have seizures. After recovering from said seizures, they鈥檇 watch it in secret because “everybody is a motherfucking hypocrite, oh.”

4) House of Villains

“Ten of reality television’s most iconic and infamous villains come together and must outsmart, out-manipulate and out-scheme each other through a series of challenges to win a cash prize and the title of America’s Ultimate Supervillain.”

– The show’s premise.

Most Nigerian reality shows don’t produce villains. This means that a Nigerian version of this would most likely be a “Big Brother Naija: Villain All Stars” because God knows enough evil and annoying ass people have been contestants on that show.

5) 90 Day Fianc茅

“Four women travel to the US to live with their fiances for the first time using a unique 90-day fiancee visa. At the end of the 90-day trial, each couple must decide whether they want to marry them.”

– The show’s premise

The only thing that could be more unhinged than 90 Day Fianc茅’s premise 鈥� which is basically just people getting mail-order brides on live televison 鈥� would be a Nigerian version of it. I’m still trying to figure out what would make any woman want to come spend time in Nigeria sha.

Today, I’ll be recapping “A Weekend to Forget.”

“The reunion of seven friends takes a deadly turn when old tensions resurface, leading to a murder. Trust is shattered, turning friends into enemies, and they must unravel the mystery behind the murder.”

– The movie’s synopsis on Prime Video

The movie starts with a man named Chief Ajasa (Akin Lewis) stepping out of an elevator and lighting a Cuban cigar right in front of a no-smoking sign. This is so you know he’s a villain who doesn’t give a shit about rules.

The movie then cuts to another guy named Asaolu (Francis Onwochei) in a hotel room having a genital meet & greet with an unnamed girl. He’s so engrossed in his genital bump session that he doesn’t notice two enormous men dressed in all black enter the room.

By the time he notices, it’s too late. The enormous men grab him by his boobs and toss him around.

Chief Ajasa has orchestrated this. He’s pissed because Asaolu was supposed to give him a business contract but gave it to someone else. So he’s decided to retaliate by doing this:

I haven’t been more gagged by the opening of anything since Game of Thrones‘ pilot episode hit viewers with the insane combo of incest and child murder.

After a title card, we meet Chief Ajasa’s daughter, Lisa (Uche Montana), a popular vlogger (?), and her boyfriend, Bem (Neo Akpofure). Bem has come to pick Lisa up so they can go on a weekend trip with a few of their friends. Chief Ajasa is there to say goodbye to Lisa when he notices the car Bem arrived in and is like:

Chief Ajasa suggests they take his SUV since he doesn’t like the idea of his precious daughter riding in Bem’s rickety ass car. Bem and Lisa agree to this and immediately get in and drive off.

Next, we meet Tito (Stan Nze) and Nodal (Erica Nlewedim). Tito is the newest Nollywood star on the scene, and Ndali is his manager/girlfriend. When the movie introduces them, they’re at a product placement photoshoot for Lord’s dry gin, and Tito is showing more boob than a horny teenager in a low-budget slasher film.

Can my fellow fans in the house MAKE SOME NOISE!!!

When the photoshoot is done, Tito and Ndali head out for the weekend trip.

Next we meet Shima (Daniel Etim Effiong) and Layo (Ini Dima-Okojie). They’re married, and their childlessness is an ever-present elephant in the room because Layo wants one, but Shima kinda doesn’t. In their first scene, Layo has just gotten off a phone call with her mother.

Lastly, we meet Ferdinand (Elozonam Ogbolu), Bem’s cousin and wealthy playboy who has planned this weekend trip. Ferdinand welcomes everyone to the house he’s rented for them to party in, dressed in a cunty ass bathrobe.

There’s some tension in the group when everyone finds out Bem is coming. Shima especially makes it clear that he hates Bem’s guts.

Ferdinand takes them on a tour of the house and describes it like it’s about to be Wolf of Wall Street/The Great Gatsby levels of partying up in there, but it’s just a regular Airbnb with a few bottles of alcohol on the centre table.

What follows is an almost three-minute sequence of the most boring partying I have ever seen. The way it’s filmed is even weirder, soundtracked by KCee’s Ojapiano and with enough slow motion to shock Zack Snyder. There is one excellent shot of Ferdinand drinking champagne underwater, so I’ll just post that.

Later that day, Lisa is in the kitchen getting a bottle of water when Shima walks in and asks her how she’s been. It’s revealed that Shima is a lying bastard who dated Lisa for eight months and then ghosted her…while still married to Layo. Shima tries to gaslight her by saying:

And Lisa responds by gagging him.

She then reveals that she’s pregnant by showing him a picture of a positive pregnancy test kit.

And she threatens to tell Layo.

In the next scene, Lisa notices a giant butterfly tramp stamp on Tito’s lower back. She immediately recognises him as Jay Rocker, a famous pornstar from Xvideos, and even says she has one of his videos saved on her phone. Tito denies this with all the energy of Michael Jackson denying the plastic surgery allegations and storms off. He informs Ndali that he’s about to be exposed, and she promises to handle it.

She threatens Lisa with a defamation suit, and their interaction goes like this.

Not long after this, this happens:

Sizwe Bansi Lisa is dead. Layo, who is a doctor, checks the body and says it’s murder. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. We’re in a classic whodunit.

Things get messy as hell from here.

Tito decides to leave because he can’t have his rising star extinguished by being involved in such a scandal. Bem locks the doors and screams that none of them can leave until they figure out who murdered Lisa because he will not be suffering the wrath of Chief Ajasa by himself.

Remember Chief Ajasa? It seemed like he would be a big part of this movie, huh?

Anyway, Tito tries to fight Bem for the keys but gives up when Bem retaliates by slashing Tito’s arm with a knife.

While Layo helps treat Tito’s wound, Ndali steals Lisa’s phone so she can delete Tito’s videos.

Let’s talk about this pornstar subplot for a bit.

If Lisa didn’t recognise Tito’s face when she met him for the first time and used the butterfly tattoo to clock him, that means Tito doesn’t show his face in any of the porn videos he made. This also means that Lisa’s death lets him off the hook because she was the only one who knew.

Another thing is Lisa stated she downloaded the video from XVideos, which means that all Titos videos are pretty much on every free porn site already.

So why is Ndali still trying to delete the video?

Shima is looking for bandages to help with Tito’s wound when he finds a positive pregnancy test kit in Layo’s box. He assumes it’s the one Lisa showed him a picture of and that Layo knows of his affair. So he goes to the living room and confesses to her in front of everyone. It turns out that Layo had no idea, and the pregnancy test is hers. She was going to surprise him with the news later. She’s pregnant, which is cool, but she also just found out her husband be cheating, so damn.

Bem sees this as a motive for Shima to have murdered Lisa, but Shima insists he was in his room with Layo, and she backs him up. Ferdinand asks Bem to relax, and Bem replies by throwing accusations Ferdinand’s way. Ferdinand asks what his motive is, and Bem says:

Ferdinand is like:

And he’s right. Bem throws his accusation as if Lisa knew about it and was going to expose Ferdinand. But we never know if she did because the movie never establishes this.

Shima, Tito, and Ferdinand are plotting to pin the murder on Bem when an alarm on Lisa’s phone goes off, and the phone is found in Tito’s pocket. Bem brandishes his knife at Tito, demanding to know why Tito has Lisa’s phone, so Tito confesses that he used to do porn before he became famous. There’s an unintentionally funny scene where Bem unlocks Lisa’s phone, and the first thing that pops up is the porn video. Bem somehow recognises Tito in the video 鈥� even though no one’s face is showing 鈥� and recoils in horror.

Because how does he know it’s Tito if he’s not a fan?

Knowing that he looks guilty as hell, Tito tries to pin the murder on Ndali. And boy, is she pissed when she finds out.

Layo and Ndali later find the murder weapon in Bem’s closet.

After a quick fight to subdue Bem, who kicks all of their asses, Ndali knocks Bem out with a vase. They all decide to pin the murder on him and toss him in the pool to die for some reason. Bem wakes up after landing in the pool, but all the guys hold him under until he drowns in the worst death scene since Talia Al Ghul’s in The Dark Knight Rises.

They place Bem and Lisa in the driver and passenger seats, respectively and roll the car into a ditch, making it look like they both died in an accident. They then clean the house and leave the following day, promising each other never to speak of the weekend’s events. Ndali also breaks up with Tito and drops him as her client.

When Shima and Layo get home, Shima finds a necklace with an L-shaped pendant in his car. He remembers giving it to Lisa while they were dating and suspects Layo is the killer. He confronts her when they’re both in the house, and she’s like:

Layo explains that she didn’t plan the murder but was driven to madness after confronting Lisa and finding out about the pregnancy. Shima can’t expose Layo because she’s now carrying his child. So the movie ends just like Gone Girl did.

Chief Ajasa sashays back into the movie’s plot and has his men find the car containing Bem and Lisa’s bodies. Then we get this:

1) Blue Eyes

People with blue eyes stare at you with the intensity of the sun as if they’re trying to burrow into your soul and extract your deepest, darkest secrets. They’ll keep doing this until you mention their eye colour; at this point, they’ll blink and break the hypnosis that began with the conversation.

2) Dimples

There’s nothing funnier than watching someone who has the faintest hint of a dimple take a picture while doing all they can to make sure the dimple shows, not unlike the guy in the picture above. I’m always concerned for them because it’s like if you squeeze your muscles any further, you’re gonna shit yourself.

3) Cheekbones

It’s nice that your cheekbones are sitting high and pretty, but do you have to mention them in the caption of every picture you post? Any small thing, “#Sunkissed #ModelFace #CheekBonesSharpAsHell #AngelineJolieHasNothingOnMe #IWasTheBluePrintForMichaelaCoelsCheekBoneSurgery”. Please rest.

4) Long legs

You have long legs. We get it. Also, do you know that taking your pictures from below to make your legs look even longer makes you look like the giant from Giant and the Beanstalk? You didn’t know? Well, now you do.

You’ve been warned.

I feel like this topic has been the subject of debate for so long I can imagine Neanderthals arguing about this around a fire in their caves. The fact that it’s still being discussed now is fucking insane. If it means that much to you, split the bill or pay for what you ordered.

“When did you know your friend actually hated you?” “When did you know you were being cheated on?” “What are the signs of a dying relationship?” “Tell me how you found out your partner was doing wash put for you.” What are you? A demon who feeds on people’s sadness??

“If you make N40k per month, your wife makes N60m per month, and y’alls rent is N1m, who should pay the rent?” “If both of you go to work at 6 am and get back at 7 pm, who should cook dinner?” If your wife makes more than you, would you tell her to take a pay cut or banish her to live under a bridge forever?” GET A FUCKING HOBBY!

This movie came out six years ago and had an 18% score on Rotten Tomatoes. It is not a good enough movie to still be debating stupid ass plot points after all this time. Who was wrong? Tyler Perry was wrong for making this shit.