Chikamso* (23) had known Adaeze* since secondary school, but they only became best friends at university. When Adaeze experienced a mental health crisis, her family blamed Chikamso and shut her out before she could understand what had happened.

For Sunken Ships, Chikamso talks about losing her best friend without understanding why and how the experience changed the way she approaches new friendships.

How did you and Adaeze* meet?

We attended the same secondary school and were seatmates, but we weren鈥檛 particularly close then. Then, after we graduated, we ended up at the same university. That was when we really grew a bond and became as close. 

At one point, she got into a toxic relationship that my family knew about. My mum was always concerned because she treated Adaeze like her own daughter. She eventually talked Adaeze out of that relationship. That was how much of a place she had in my life.

And how would you describe the friendship itself?

It was beautiful. In fact, we were more like sisters. We had each other鈥檚 backs. Naturally, we disagreed from time to time, but nothing that threatened our friendship. Adaeze was my favourite person, and she could be incredibly thoughtful. In 2023, I applied for a UK visa to visit my sister, but it was denied the day before my birthday. My family had spent a lot of money on the application, so I cried all morning on my birthday. 

Meanwhile, Adaeze had secretly contacted my siblings, parents and friends to make videos for me. She compiled them, sent me a gift and made the day special for me.

I also showed up for her. When she couldn鈥檛 secure accommodation, I let her stay in my hostel space for a semester because I genuinely saw her as family.

So at what point did you start noticing cracks in the friendship?

A few days after my birthday, Adaeze suddenly left the group chat we shared. We hadn鈥檛 quarrelled, so I called repeatedly, but she didn鈥檛 answer. I asked one of our mutual friends if she knew what had happened, but she didn鈥檛.

Then, one of our classmates contacted me. He said Adaeze had sent him a voice note about me and asked him to rebroadcast it, but she deleted it before he could listen to the whole thing. From what he heard, she called my family and I evil and warned people to stay away from us.

I was confused and somewhat angry.  Shortly after,  Adaeze鈥檚 brother called and told me she was experiencing a mental health crisis and had been taken to a psychiatric hospital. 

My anger immediately turned to worry. I couldn鈥檛 sleep all night because I kept thinking about her. So, I decided to visit her the next day.

And how did that visit go?

It never happened. Her brother refused to share the hospital details because the family believed I had a hand in Adaeze鈥檚 condition. 

My aunt is a pastor, and whenever Adaeze visited my family, we sometimes attended her church. She had received prophecies there, and her brother was convinced those messages had affected her.

I tried to explain that I had no idea what was going on, but there was no real opportunity to have that conversation. He blocked me. Her mum blocked me, too, and eventually Adaeze blocked me.

I also couldn鈥檛 reach her sister, so after a while, I stepped back.

Hmm.

It was one of the worst periods of my life. My UK visa had been rejected, my boyfriend broke up with me that same month, and my best friend鈥檚 family believed I had harmed her. 

I had so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn鈥檛 reach Adaeze. She wasn鈥檛 speaking to me, and I couldn鈥檛 convince her family that I hadn鈥檛 done anything.

So I bottled everything up and tried to carry on with school.

I鈥檓 sorry. What happened when she returned to school?

She saw me and walked straight past me as though she didn鈥檛 know me. It hurt so much. 

This was someone I considered a sister, yet she cut me off for reasons I didn鈥檛 understand. Whatever she believed had happened, she clearly didn鈥檛 want anything to do with me. So I took it as a sign that I needed to leave her alone.

After that, we didn鈥檛 really interact in school anymore.

Sounds cold. Did she ever apologise?

We eventually spoke in 2024 at a mutual friend鈥檚 traditional marriage.

She apologised,  and I told her what had happened from my side. I explained that I had tried to reach her, but her family had blocked me from contacting her.

She told me she didn鈥檛 know that. From her perspective, she had simply stopped speaking to me. Once we finally talked, we were able to put the issue behind us.

We鈥檙e cordial now, but the friendship isn鈥檛 what it used to be.

Do you think you could ever become close again?

No. It鈥檚 been almost three years, and I鈥檝e healed from what happened. I鈥檓 not sitting around waiting for her to explain herself anymore.

If she had spoken to me when everything happened, maybe things would have been different. I would have preferred to have a difficult conversation than wake up one day and realise that my best friend had disappeared from my life.

I don鈥檛 think I can put myself through that again.

How has the experience affected the way you approach friendships now?

It has made me scared of friendships. I鈥檝e met amazing people since then, but I still find it hard to completely trust anyone. I鈥檓 afraid the same pattern will repeat itself. 

Friendship breakups can hurt just as much as romantic ones, and this was one of the hardest experiences I鈥檝e had.

I鈥檓 still learning that just because one person disappeared from my life without an explanation doesn鈥檛 mean everyone else will do the same.

Here are some of the most expensive push gifts Nigerian celebrity mums have received.

Chioma Adeleke 鈥� Mansion, designer bags (approx. 鈧�1.34b)

After welcoming twins with Davido, Chef Chi reportedly received a $900k mansion in Atlanta, Georgia (approx. 鈧�1.2b), and luxury bags valued at $100k (approx. 鈧�140m).

Priscilla Ojo 鈥� $30k Cash (approx. 鈧�42 million)

One month after welcoming their son in August 2025, Priscilla Ojo received about $30,000 (approximately 鈧�42m) in cash from her husband, Juma Jux, alongside other expensive gifts.

Mo Bimpe 鈥� Range Rover SUV (approx. 鈧�120 million)

Nollywood actress Mo Bimpe received a brand new Range Rover SUV worth over 鈧�120 million from her husband, Lateef Adedimeji, after the birth of their triplets.

Sharon Ooja 鈥� G-Wagon (approx. 鈧�235 million)

Sharon Ooja received a Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon worth $168k (approximately 鈧�235 million) from her husband, Ugo Nwoke, after they welcomed their child in May, 2026.

Thayour B 鈥� A Mercedes-Benz SUV

After welcoming their son in the U.S. in January 2025, Thayour B received a Mercedes-Benz SUV worth millions of naira from her husband, Yhemo Lee.

Ifeoma Ivy 鈥� Range Rover SUV (approx. 鈧�39 million)

After welcoming a child with her husband, Paul Okoye, in 2024, Ifeoma Ivy received a Range Rover SUV worth approximately 鈧�39 million.

Mercy Chinwo 鈥� Mercedes-Benz GLE Coupe (approx. 鈧�120 million)

Mercy Chinwo received a Mercedes-Benz GLE Coupe worth over 鈧�120 million from her husband, Pastor Blessed Uzochikwa, after they welcomed their first child in October 2023.

From lending money while hospitalised to organising a wedding for an ungrateful friend, these former people pleasers share the final favours that pushed them to stop setting themselves on fire to keep others warm.

鈥淚 agreed to study nursing鈥� 鈥� Niniola*, 21, F

Some of my older siblings told me to study nursing because they wanted a nurse in the family. I didn鈥檛 want to rock the boat, so I agreed and began a hard, roundabout journey to gain admission. I had to leave the school I was in to pursue 鈥渕y鈥� nursing career, and I ended up writing different exams to different schools, but couldn鈥檛 get in. I felt like I was trapped in a vicious cycle while my mates went ahead of me, graduated and began their adult lives. 

In October 2025, I decided that I鈥檇 had enough. I left home without anyone鈥檚 consent and moved in with a friend in another city. I got a job as a sales attendant to make ends meet and write JAMB again. I just got admitted to university for a course I chose myself, and I鈥檒l be celebrating my first birthday away from home this month. 

It hasn鈥檛 been easy navigating life on my own, but I鈥檓 happy that I can make my own choices. I no longer chase what people want, I just do what makes me happy.

鈥淭hey just wanted to borrow money from me鈥� 鈥� Susan*, 30, F

The last straw for me was when a friend reached out to borrow money while I was hospitalised and recovering from major surgery. She asked to borrow 鈧�200k, and I sent it. She came back, while I was still in the hospital, and asked for another 鈧�400k. I sent it. I was actually trying to raise funds for the balance of my surgery fees, but I still gave her what I could. 

When she came back a few days later to ask for an additional 鈧�50k, I told her I didn鈥檛 have it, and she switched up on me. She gaslit me and said I didn鈥檛 care about her enough, or I鈥檇 have sent her the money. That was when it dawned on me that she was using me, and she didn鈥檛 care about my health or well-being. I realised that if I kept pouring myself out to people who didn鈥檛 deserve it, I鈥檇 end up on the losing end. I鈥檝e been focusing on myself since then.

鈥淚 covered for my colleague until I nearly lost my job鈥� 鈥� Nnadozie*, 27, M

At my first job at a digital marketing agency, my colleague regularly asked me to complete parts of her work because she was 鈥渙verwhelmed.鈥� I understood because we were friends, and our manager could be demanding. At first, I only helped with small reports. Soon, I was doing entire presentations and staying late to finish her assignments after completing mine.

The last time, she asked me to prepare a report while she attended a family event. I worked on it until midnight, but there was an error in one of the figures she鈥檇 sent me. During the meeting, she blamed the entire mistake on me and claimed I鈥檇 interfered with her work without permission. Our manager issued me a written warning. 

When I confronted her afterwards, she said I was already known as the more capable employee, so I shouldn鈥檛 be worried about it. I felt so angry, and I decided to stop speaking to her outside of necessary work conversations. Now, I no longer automatically say yes when colleagues need help. Let everybody face their work and go home.

鈥淚 gave my girlfriend the money for my rent鈥� 鈥� Daniel*, 31, M 

My ex-girlfriend was constantly having financial emergencies, and I always rescued her because I was in love. The last favour she asked for was 鈧�350k to settle a debt. My rent was due in two weeks, but she promised to return the money before then. I sent it and spent the next two weeks anxiously reminding her. The day before my rent was due, she admitted she didn鈥檛 have it. Then, she suggested I borrow the money from a loan app.

Something in me snapped when she said that. I borrowed the money to complete my rent, but I ended the relationship the day after. It wasn鈥檛 about the money, it was the realisation that she considered my sacrifices normal, while giving me nothing in return. I refuse to live like that.

鈥淚 got tired of hosting my husband鈥檚 ungrateful relatives鈥� 鈥� Funmi*, 56, F 

For most of my marriage, my house was treated like the family hotel. Whenever one of my husband鈥檚 relatives came to our city, they stayed with us. Some visits lasted weeks, others lasted years. I cooked, cleaned and cared for everyone because I wanted to be considered a good wife. Even when I complained, my husband reminded me that his family was now my family.

The last favour was taking in his cousin鈥檚 22-year-old daughter while she completed her final year. She didn鈥檛 help around the house and regularly returned late without telling anyone. One evening, I asked her to wash the dishes she鈥檇 left in the sink, and she called her mother to say I was treating her like a house girl. The next morning, her mother phoned my husband to insult me. Instead of defending me, he asked me to apologise so there would be peace.

That was the last straw. I refused to apologise and gave his cousin one month to move out. I also told the entire family that our house was no longer available for extended visits. They call me wicked, but I鈥檇 rather be wicked and rested than good and unappreciated.

Read Also: The Worst Things Nigerians Have Been Told in Their Marriages

This is Imade鈥檚 explanation as told to Betty

Tomi and I have been close friends since our first year at university. We鈥檝e seen so many versions of each other that I鈥檓 sure there鈥檚 no one who knows us better. I see her as my sister, and there鈥檚 nothing I wouldn鈥檛 do for her happiness.

We鈥檝e rarely had any serious fights because we understand each other so well. But there鈥檚 one thing we鈥檝e always disagreed about: men.

Tomi鈥檚 taste in men leaves much to be desired. If they aren鈥檛 nonchalant about her, they鈥檙e verbally unkind, or worse, cheaters. Whenever one of her relationships ended, it broke my heart to see how badly she was hurt. Tomi isn鈥檛 perfect, but she鈥檚 a real lover.  She pours herself into her relationships even when the person on the receiving end doesn鈥檛 deserve it. 

As we鈥檝e gotten older, Tomi鈥檚 desire to settle down has grown, and I think that has made her more willing to tolerate things she shouldn鈥檛.

In 2024, Tomi left what I considered her worst relationship. She鈥檇 spent two years with a man who strung her along with promises of marriage while being cold, emotionally manipulative and repeatedly unfaithful. He left her constantly stressed, so I was relieved when they broke up. I was even happier when Tomi said she wanted to take a break from dating and spend some time alone.

That didn鈥檛 last very long.

Early this year, she started dating Isaac*. From the moment I met him, I knew I didn鈥檛 like him.聽 He had thin, dyed dreadlocks, but that wasn鈥檛 what really put me off. When Tomi introduced us, the first place his eyes went was my chest. He hadn鈥檛 even looked at my face. Something about him immediately felt off. I told Tomi to keep her options open, but she was determined to make things work with Isaac. Since talking to her wasn鈥檛 working, I decided to test him myself.

First, I followed Isaac on social media to keep tabs on him. He followed me back immediately and began liking almost everything I posted, especially pictures where I showed a little skin. That confirmed my suspicions, but I knew Tomi wouldn鈥檛 consider a few likes enough reason to leave him.

So, I pushed further.. I started sending him reels and checking in on him whenever Tomi mentioned that he was having a difficult day. I complimented his appearance and occasionally made suggestive jokes to see how he would respond. I wanted him to believe I was attracted to him, even though I had no intention of actually sleeping with him.

A few weeks later, I ran into him at a rave without Tomi. I danced close to him, let him buy me drinks and didn鈥檛 stop him when he placed his hand on my waist. By the end of the night, he was looking at me like a hungry man looks at food.

After that, our messages became openly sexual. I told him I鈥檇 thought about kissing him at the rave and asked what he would鈥檝e done if I had. He said he wouldn鈥檛 have stopped me. 

Then he started asking to see me privately.

I kept encouraging his passes until he suggested that I come to his place. Before agreeing, I asked if he was worried about hurting Tomi. His response was, 鈥淚 won鈥檛 say anything if you don鈥檛.鈥� 

That was the evidence I needed. 

I took screenshots of our conversations and showed everything to Tomi. I told her to leave Isaac and move on before he hurt her the way her previous partners had.

I thought she鈥檇 be grateful. Instead, she became cold towards me. After Tomi and Isaac broke up, she started avoiding me. Even the group chat we shared with some other friends also went quiet.

When I eventually asked Tomi what had changed, she said she wasn鈥檛 comfortable being close to me anymore. She said I could have warned her as soon as Isaac started responding to my messages, but instead, I kept flirting with him, danced with him and allowed things to become sexual. She couldn鈥檛 understand why proving a point required me to go that far.

I explained that Isaac might鈥檝e denied everything if I鈥檇 approached her with only a few likes and flirty messages. I needed undeniable proof that he was willing to cheat. But Tomi said I hadn鈥檛 just caught him cheating, I鈥檇 carefully seduced him. I reminded her that I did it to prove that the man had no principles and would only hurt her down the line, but she still felt betrayed. She also said she could never feel comfortable introducing me to another partner.

I tried to talk to our other friends about what happened, but they took Tomi鈥檚 side, and now, I鈥檓 on the fringes of the friend group. It hurts, but everything I did was to protect her.

I can only wait for her to come around. I won鈥檛 feel bad for trying to keep her out of harm鈥檚 way.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: I Introduced a Pathological Liar to the Group Chat

Tomilola* (29) met Soji* (27) online during the 2020 lockdown. What began with conversations about music and books soon became a close friendship, and she eventually introduced him to her wider friend group. But when several friends accused Soji of lying to them, Tomilola began to realise she might not have known him at all.

For Sunken Ships, she shares how she discovered Soji鈥檚 alleged history of deception and how this has affected her views on online friendship.

How did your friendship with Soji begin?

We became close after weeks of interacting online during the 2020 coronavirus lockdown. He鈥檇 leave comments on my music posts, and from there we started texting about our personal philosophies, favourite books, and our lives in general.

We became much closer during my job hunt in May when I asked him to be my accountability partner. He agreed, and we spent the next few months encouraging each other, reviewing cover letters and sending each other job links until we both got jobs. He was a shoulder I leaned on during that time because I was dealing with financial issues and really needed a job.

That鈥檚 sweet. How did your friendship progress over time?

It was great, even though we鈥檇 never met in person. He lived in Lagos while I lived in Ibadan, but I still tried to introduce him to as many of my friends as possible, both in Lagos and online. He was cool, funny, and gave great advice, so I knew my friends would like him just as much as I did. 

Soon, he became a core part of our group. He hadn鈥檛 met several of us in person, but online, we were one big friend group.  Some of my friends in Lagos even invited him to a game night.  They ended up meeting him in person before I did the following year. We generally had a good run until June 2022, when Soji started having issues with several people in our friendship group. 

Oh. What happened?

I鈥檇 heard that some people were upset at him, but I didn鈥檛 realise how serious things were until one of them, Amos*, approached me.

Amos said he and Soji had become closer after discovering they lived in the same area in Lagos. Earlier that year, Soji had asked Amos to lend him 鈧�600k and promised to pay him back at the end of the month. When the deadline came, he couldn鈥檛 pay and kept asking for extensions. 

Amos eventually got fed up and asked me to step in since I was closest to Soji. I was surprised because, as far as I knew, Soji earned well as a copywriter. 

Then I found out that Amos wasn鈥檛 the only person who had issues with him. A few others also reached out to complain about the lies Soji had told them.

What did he tell them?

One friend said Soji had pretended to be wealthy to impress a mutual acquaintance. He told her stories about living on the Island and having a dad who worked for an oil company. When she asked to visit him, he ghosted her. 

To another, Soji claimed he was starting a clothing business and invited her to join him as a business partner. He had her create a couple of pitch decks and promised fast profits. He later claimed he鈥檇 used the decks to get investors, but started dodging her whenever she asked for updates.

I felt embarrassed and guilty because I聽 brought him into my life and introduced him to my friends. I decided to talk to him about what had happened and see if we could resolve the issues amicably. I thought maybe he was just going through a rough patch.聽

How did your conversation with Soji go?

He claimed he was in a聽rough place mentally and had borrowed the money from Amos to handle a medical emergency involving his younger brother. He also explained the other lies as聽 misunderstandings and promised to clear them up.聽

I trusted him to do the right thing聽 and hoped the tensions would ease, but things got worse.

What do you mean?

Amos got Soji arrested for defaulting on his payment, and that incident revealed more about Soji than we ever knew. 

First, Soji didn鈥檛 have a younger brother; he was the last child. He鈥檇 made up the story to get money聽 from Amos.聽 Amos found out after contacting Soji鈥檚 family in a bid to recover his money. They told him they had disowned Soji for constantly stealing and trying to defraud people. They were tired of bailing him out of his lies and washed their hands of him.

Omo, that鈥檚 wild.

Thankfully, Amos was able to recover part of the money, and they agreed on an instalment plan to settle the rest.

After they left the police station, Amos called and told me everything. I was hurt that Soji had deceived me for so long, especially after I鈥檇 defended him to my friends.

I removed him from our group chat and blocked him everywhere. Amos also came to the group and shared what he鈥檇 found out. We all agreed to cut Soji out of our lives.

Did you talk to him when you made this decision?

I didn鈥檛. I spent weeks mulling over our friendship and wondering if he had become friends with me for ulterior motives from the beginning.

Did your friends blame you for bringing Soji into the group?

No, they tease me about it from time to time, but that鈥檚 about it.

I still felt guilty about it, though. I wished none of them had been hurt or inconvenienced because of someone I introduced them to. It took me a while to accept that I couldn鈥檛 have known what he was capable of.

Has he tried to reach out to you since then?

I don鈥檛 know. I haven鈥檛 checked any of his pages since. I鈥檝e tried to bury the memory of our friendship entirely.

Has this affected your views on friendships?

Yes, I no longer trust people I meet online. The only new friends I鈥檝e made since then are friends of friends or people my friend group has already vetted. 

I thought I was a good judge of character until I met Soji. I haven鈥檛 been able to trust my judgement since. It鈥檚 wild that a person can reinvent themselves online, and there鈥檚 no real way to know unless they show their hand or you find out.

Do you think there鈥檚 any chance of reconciliation between you and Soji?

Never. A person who can lie so blatantly can do worse, and I won鈥檛 stick around to find out. I鈥檓 okay with the friends I already have.

This is Ujunwa鈥檚 story, as told to Betty

I鈥檒l never forget the first time I was genuinely convinced my father would make good on his threats to harm my siblings and me. I was about eight at the time.

My mum had gone out, so my four siblings and I were home with my dad. He came in looking for something and quickly decided my mum must have taken it. He ransacked the house and cut into her bags with a razor blade. Then he threatened to burn us alive if she didn鈥檛 return the missing item.

My siblings and I huddled together in fear. I packed sweets and biscuits into a bag because I thought we might have to run away. My eldest sister, who was about 16, tried to calm me because I was so afraid. 

We didn鈥檛 have kerosene at home, so my dad went out and bought some, along with a fresh box of matchsticks.  When he returned, he repeated the threat and swung into action almost immediately. Doors were slammed shut, and his paces carried a determination with them. 

Our generator was running, and even at that age, I knew a fire would be deadly and spread quickly. Yet, we were trapped in the house, praying and hoping something would soften our father鈥檚 resolve.

Eventually, he found the missing item in his own room. He鈥檇 always kept that room locked, and none of us was allowed to enter it. Once he found it, he denied threatening to burn us. He claimed he鈥檇 only said he would burn my mum鈥檚 clothes. 

But we knew what we heard. He鈥檇 dangled our choice to live right in front of us. Still, we had nowhere else to go, so we had to live with it. 

That was just one of the many incidents I lived through with my dad. But it wasn鈥檛 always like this. 

***

For the first few years of my life, I thought I had the ideal family. I never doubted my parents鈥� love for each other, and that assurance of love trickled down to my siblings and me.

I鈥檓 the last child, so my dad doted on me when I was little. Whenever he bought things for us, he let me choose first. Between the ages of four and seven, I was convinced I loved him more than my mum because he spoiled me so much.

Then, as consciousness matured with the years, I began to notice the cracks. 

He spoke to my mum terribly. He鈥檇 call her a witch or a prostitute in front of us, often without provocation. The aggression came our way, too. 

He鈥檇 shout at us and drain our home of ease whenever he was around. We were constantly tense and unable to relax. If he walked into a room, we found somewhere else to be. We couldn鈥檛 even breathe properly because the slightest thing could make him turn towards us and start yelling.

I fully realised how much his behaviour had affected me in secondary school. During a Valentine鈥檚 Day celebration, a friend told me how her dad had playfully pranked her mum. He acted unconscious, and she鈥檇 rushed to him with so much worry and concern. As my friend spoke, I imagined the same thing happening in my house. Then I realised the feelings would have been far from worry or concern. We鈥檇 probably be relieved.

By then, even his affection for me no longer felt like love. How could it be when he treated my mum and siblings so badly? I couldn鈥檛 separate the version of him who bought me things from the one who scared everyone.

I saw that contradiction clearly on my eighth birthday. 

My mum usually organised a small celebration at school, but that year, my dad handled it. He brought cake, gifts and bottled drinks for my teachers. One of the bottles broke, and the headmistress offered to replace it. He smiled and told her it was fine. 

But as soon as we got home, he started shouting about the bottle and how we had lost one. He declared that nobody should ever ask him to pay for another birthday celebration. A day that had started with cakes and gifts ended with everyone walking on eggshells.

Living through these experiences with my siblings made us really close. My older sister likes to say we trauma-bonded. We had to watch out for one another and for our mum when it came to our dad. 

Over time, we became so emotionally attuned to one another that it sometimes felt like we could tell how the other sibling was feeling, even when we were hundreds of miles apart.

This bond grew even stronger when our dad withdrew financially. 

My mum had been a stay-at-home wife for most of our lives. She told us how our dad had encouraged her to quit her job early on, promising to set up a business for her once the children were older. But he never did. 

In 2018, he sold the last property he owned and gave my mum 鈧�1.8 million, supposedly to start the business he鈥檇 always promised her. But almost immediately, he stopped paying for necessities, including my brother鈥檚 university fees, food and clothing for the house. 

My mum had no choice but to use the business capital to keep the family afloat. She eventually began selling thrift clothes to make ends meet.

The rest of us did what we could. It was clear that no one was coming to help us, so we started working to ease the burden on our mum. 

My sister became a teacher after NYSC, while my immediate older brother deferred his university plans and worked at a dry-cleaning company. I also had to delay my university plans after completing secondary school in 2021. My family couldn鈥檛 afford to put another child through university. So, I took up a job as a salesgirl.

If our sacrifice should have attracted praise from our father, it did the opposite. He was angry, especially after he found out about my brother鈥檚 dry-cleaning job. He said he felt embarrassed. 

When I eventually admitted that I had a job, he subtly accused me of engaging in prostitution for trying to earn money he refused to give me.

This was our reality. A father who refused to take responsibility but shamed us every chance he got.

***

In 2022, he moved out of our house. He鈥檇 apparently developed some complications from an earlier diabetes diagnosis, but he only shared that information with his friends. We only found out about his condition after complications arose and he had to have his leg amputated. He died in July 2026.

When we heard the news, it was bittersweet. We were sad because, despite everything, he was still our dad. At the same time, we felt relieved, as though a chapter of our lives had finally closed. It was as if the shackles holding us had finally come loose.

My mum鈥檚 emotions were more complicated. I think part of her still remembers the man she met many years ago. She insists he wasn鈥檛 always the person we grew up with and that he changed completely. My siblings and I try to remind her that she doesn鈥檛 have to force herself to grieve in a particular way or carry any other burdens because of him.

Even though he鈥檚 gone, surviving our turbulent relationship with him has affected other parts of our lives, especially how we approach romantic relationships. 

My siblings and I joke that we鈥檙e good at 鈥榗locking bullshit,鈥� which is our slang for recognising our father鈥檚 traits in potential romantic partners. Whenever we meet someone who behaves like him, even a little, we run.

It has made me a very strict partner. I used to make excuses for my dad, but now I struggle to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. If someone does something I consider out of place, I鈥檓 more likely to walk away than wait for them to change or repeat it. I know this protects me, but I also know it comes from a place of fear.

I still want to get married and have a healthy relationship someday, but I often wonder how anyone can truly know another person. My mum believed she married a kind man, only for him to become someone she barely recognised. I鈥檓 afraid I could meet someone loving who wakes up one day and starts treating me terribly.

Still, my childhood taught me what safe love can look like, even if I didn鈥檛 learn it from my father. I learnt it from my siblings. 

They are the ones who notice when something is wrong, protect me when I鈥檓 scared and show up when nobody else will. What happened in our home wounded all of us, but it also taught us to rely on one another. Whatever life brings, I know I鈥檒l never have to face it alone. My brothers and sister will always have my back.

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We asked some University of Ilorin graduates to revisit their time in the school, and let鈥檚 just say they鈥檙e more than happy to be out of the institution. 

鈥淢y lecturer failed a whole class due to her own error鈥� 鈥� Precious*, 20

When I was in 200L, a lecturer openly admitted to failing our entire class because she couldn鈥檛 find our test scripts. Instead of calling for a resit, she said she鈥檇 add five marks to everyone鈥檚 scores out of pity. That was my introduction to the kind of frustration that came with studying Law at Unilorin. Students can graduate with first-class honours from law school, whereas the undergraduate programme would most likely have frustrated their efforts. Yet, the faculty wonders why recent alumni want absolutely nothing to do with them. 

I honestly just want to graduate in peace and never ever have anything to do with that school again. 

鈥淲e locked ourselves indoors to avoid a cultist clash鈥� 鈥� Wemimo*, 53

This happened in early 1997. I lived in an estate on campus,and one evening, I was outside talking to some neighbours when we saw a large crowd running through the gates. They told us a cult group was on its way to fight another nearby. Before we knew what was happening, the fight had moved into our estate.

We ran indoors, locked the doors and listened to the awful sounds of the fight all night. The police eventually arrived the next morning and arrested some of the cultists. A few weeks later, we heard they had been expelled. 

鈥淚 saw a dean slap a student鈥� 鈥� Janet*, 33

I did both my first degree and master’s at Unilorin, so I saw my fair share of strange things. But one incident stands out.

I was on the walkway where students usually hung out  between lectures when the dean of a faculty walked up to a student and asked, 鈥淲hy is your ID card not on your neck?鈥� 

The student obviously didn鈥檛 have it on him. Before anyone could process what was happening, the dean slapped him. It was swift and resounding, silencing the atmosphere. Nobody said a word. We just stood there staring at each other in shock. This and many more make a typical day in Unilorin.

鈥淲e had to beg staff to release my friend鈥檚 ID card鈥� 鈥� Emmanuella*, 25

Dealing with non-academic staff in Unilorin can be frustrating. I lost my ID card, and getting another one was nothing short of harrowing.

A friend followed me to the Student Affairs Office, and while we were there, a staff member seized her own ID card. We had no idea what she had done wrong, but we still had to beg to get it back. I remember leaving the office  thinking, 鈥淲hat kind of wahala is this?鈥�

鈥淎 swarm of bees chased students out of the hostel鈥� 鈥� Bimbo*, 52

Shortly after Unilorin moved some students to its permanent site in 1998, we returned from class one evening to find the new hostels covered in bees.  I鈥檇 never seen anything like it. 

There were so many bees that some students started saying it had to be a spiritual attack. Thankfully, it happened early enough in the evening for most people to escape back to the mini campus before they got stung. Some people weren鈥檛 so lucky. One of my friends was stung more than five times and had to be admitted to the hospital.

鈥淚t was missing scripts galore鈥� 鈥� Ibrahim*, 25

The lecturers are so careless with scripts, and it’s the students who suffer for it. 

In 300L, I wrote an exam that required an extra booklet. I filled almost two pages in the second booklet, but didn鈥檛 notice anything was wrong until the results came out. My score was much lower than I anticipated, so I started asking questions. That was when I found out they never found my second booklet. 

The school didn鈥檛 offer me a solution, so my GPA took a hit. What made it worse was that it wasn鈥檛 an isolated incident. I heard of lecturers losing test scripts and assignments, while students were too scared to complain. They worried that the situation could somehow be turned against them. I was constantly frustrated for the rest of my stay in the school.

鈥淚 hid in the bushes to escape security鈥� 鈥� Samuel*, 33

My biggest fear as an undergraduate was getting suspended or expelled. If management caught you flouting the rules, you would 鈥渨ear gown,鈥� which meant getting sent home. I鈥檇 already been expelled from another school, so I didn鈥檛 want my parents鈥� wahala.

One evening, I  went for a walk on campus and ran into a security guard. He demanded that I follow him so he could write me up for not having neat hair. I didn鈥檛 even argue; I just ran. I hid in some bushes and stayed there until he left. Once the coast was clear, I went straight back to my hostel, borrowed a friend鈥檚 clipper and shaved my hair.

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Whether you want something that understands the struggle of loving someone across miles or a little romance to carry you until your next visit, these movies will temporarily make you feel closer to the love of your life.

If your relationship currently exists mostly through a phone, this one might feel like someone secretly filmed your love life. Love in A Pandemic follows a couple trying to build a relationship through calls, texts and virtual dates while circumstances keep them apart. And guess what? They made it work!

Unlike some romance films that present love as a fix-all, Going the Distance shows the hardwork and that goes into keeping a long-distance relationship alive. You鈥檒l laugh, feel seen and end up discussing which one of you would relocate if the relationship demands it.

Tired of hearing that phone-based relationships can鈥檛 work? Allow Nse Ikpe-Etim and Wale Ojo to take you through a class on making the distance work. Their characters spend a considerable amount of time connecting through phone calls and still generate enough chemistry to make you fan yourself. 

Distance can make you lose focus to the point that you forget to appreciate the ordinary moments that make up a fantastic life. Beneath all the time travel is a lovely reminder that those seemingly insignificant moments with your favourite person are the ones you鈥檒l eventually miss most.

Technically, falling in love with a ghost is the most extreme form of a long-distance relationship. Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo鈥檚 charming chemistry makes this a funny, comforting watch for couples who need a reminder that a genuine connection can survive even the strangest obstacle.

This film is for long-distance couples who want something slower, quieter and more intimate. Watch it when you want to move beyond the usual 鈥淗ow was your day?鈥� conversation and spend the rest of the night asking your partner intimate questions.

If you feel like your long-distance relationship has fallen into a dull routine, Love in Every Word may just give you the jump start you need. Obiora鈥檚 鈥淥dogwu paranran鈥� energy bouncing off Chioma鈥檚 more reserved response will give you and your partner an opportunity to discuss your preferred love languages so they know exactly how to treat their 鈥淎chalugo鈥� when you reunite.

From a brief stint as childhood lovers to making big decisions that yank them out of their comfort zone, Always Be My Maybe has it all. It鈥檚 a funny, warm movie that鈥檒l stir a conversation about how you can support each other鈥檚 growth while living full lives.

Distance can feel particularly difficult when one person鈥檚 life changes dramatically. Something Like Gold explores what happens when circumstances strip away the things that once made a person鈥檚 life seem stable and impressive. This one will get you guys talking about money, difficult seasons, and whether your relationship could survive if one person lost everything.

Watch

The extravagant weddings and ridiculously attractive cast are enough to make Crazy Rich Asians a fun date-night watch, but the romance is what really sells it. Nick and Rachel鈥檚 determination to choose each other despite all the family drama might make the distance between you and your partner feel slightly easier to conquer. 

If you and your partner enjoy debating, The Perfect Arrangement will give you a love triangle that鈥檒l keep you busy. Its complicated relationship dynamics give you plenty to discuss about love, and whether shared history should influence romantic decisions. 

A Lagos Story has enough romance to make the distance between you and your partner feel temporarily irrelevant. Promise and King Katoro鈥檚 constant bickering and undeniable chemistry will give you and your partner plenty to react to.  The Lagos setting also makes it feel close to home. 

Bimbo Ademoye and Timini Egbuson鈥檚 pairing is bursting with chemistry, making this an easy, funny watch. Beneath the comedy is a sweet reminder that intimacy is about having your person stick with you through the bad times. If their love can survive mystical powers and erased memories, what鈥檚 a little distance? 

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Mikun* (28) first met Demi*(28) in primary school, where Demi regularly made cruel jokes about her weight and complexion. Years later, they reconnected at university.  Demi apologised for the past, and Mikun believed they could finally have the friendship she鈥檇 wanted as a child.  But it didn鈥檛 take long for the old jokes to return.

For Sunken Ships, Mikun shares how giving her childhood bully a second chance left her questioning herself all over again.

How did you and Demi meet?

We attended the same primary school, and Demi was one of the popular students in our set. Everyone wanted to be her friend, including me. I tried to get close to her, but she often made jokes about my looks, and her friends would join in. Eventually, I stopped trying. 

We left for different secondary schools shortly afterwards and lost touch.

And how did you guys reconnect?

I ran into her in one of the cafeterias at my university during my second year. I didn鈥檛 even recognise her at first, but she called my name and introduced herself. I was surprised but happy to see someone I鈥檇 known for so long. 

I also thought we were adults now, so there was no need to hold on to something that happened when we were kids. We exchanged contact information and started talking again.

Did it feel like you were finally getting the friendship you鈥檇 wanted as a child?

Surprisingly, yes. We were studying different courses, but whenever Demi had free time, she鈥檇 come to my faculty to hang out with me. She was also a constant visitor to my room in the evenings. We鈥檇 talk about our days, study together and catch up on everything we鈥檇 missed in each other鈥檚 lives. 

At some point, we even talked about how she used to make fun of my appearance in primary school. She said she didn鈥檛 remember making fun of me, but still apologised. For a while, I felt safe with her. I thought we were becoming really close. Then she started showing me that maybe she hadn鈥檛 changed as much as I thought.

Oh. What happened?

One of my roommates, Jemima*, was very popular, and because we lived together, we naturally became close. When Demi started visiting me, I introduced them, and it soon became obvious that Demi wanted to get into Jemima鈥檚 good books. 

I didn鈥檛 mind that she wanted to build new friendships with people in my circle. What bothered me was how she tried to impress Jemima. She started making the same kinds of jokes about me that she had made in primary school.

What exactly were these jokes?

In primary school, most of her jabs had been about me being a fat, dark-skinned child. She started making similar comments again. 

Once, she complimented Jemima鈥檚 outfit and said she knew how to put a look together, unlike me. Another time, Jemima was stepping out, and Demi offered her an umbrella, telling her to use it so she wouldn鈥檛 become as dark as me. 

I kept trying to dismiss the comments as harmless jokes, but each one took me back to primary school. I started feeling self-conscious about my body and complexion around her again. 

Did you speak to her about how you felt?

I did. I called her aside and told her I didn鈥檛 like being the punchline of her jokes, especially when they were about my appearance. I reminded her that her comments made me feel the same way I had felt when she and the other children laughed at me in primary school.

I thought she鈥檇 apologise, and we鈥檇 move on. Instead, she said I was too sensitive. She said I couldn鈥檛 claim to have forgiven her and then keep bringing up the past. 

I tried to explain that I wasn鈥檛 punishing her for what she鈥檇 done as a child; I was upset that she was doing it again. But she wouldn鈥檛 accept that. She kept insisting I was overreacting. Eventually, I started wondering if she was right, and I stopped bringing it up.

What made you realise you weren鈥檛 overreacting?

One day, after Demi left my room for her hostel, Jemima asked if I was genuinely okay with the way she talked about my appearance. She said she wouldn鈥檛 tolerate those comments if she were in my position. That conversation opened my eyes. Demi鈥檚 jokes weren鈥檛 harmless, and I wasn鈥檛 being too sensitive for calling them out.

She had made me question myself instead of taking responsibility for hurting me. I was angry about that, so I decided to distance myself from her.

Did she notice?

If she did, she barely brought it up.  I didn’t announce that I was ending the friendship; I just started avoiding her. If she asked to visit me, I鈥檇 tell her I was busy. I stopped taking her calls and responding to her messages. I even started attending evening mass more so I could avoid her after classes.

The change was probably sudden from her perspective, but I didn鈥檛 want another conversation where she鈥檇 convince me that I was imagining things. So I never gave her the chance to ask why I was pulling away.

Did that experience change how you relate to other friends?

For a long time, I became very sensitive to any jokes about my appearance. My friends started seeing me as overly serious because I shut down those comments immediately. I think I was afraid that laughing along would give someone the chance to bully me again. 

Do you think there鈥檚 any chance of reconciliation with Demi?

No. I鈥檓 not giving her a third chance to be my bully.

We asked five Nigerians to share the wildest things they鈥檝e witnessed at a rave, from pocket kittens to questionable homemade cocktails. Here鈥檚 what they said.

鈥淚 met a raver with a pocket full of cats鈥� 鈥� Vanessa*, 29, F

It was my first rave, and I felt a little too shy to dance, so I stood in a corner, bobbing my head. Then a tall guy in glasses walked up to me and shouted over the music, 鈥淒o you want to dance with a cat?鈥� I thought he was joking, but I nodded anyway. He reached into the pocket of his giant trench coat and pulled out a kitten. Then I heard more meowing from inside his coat. I鈥檓 sure he probably had a few more kittens in there. I spent the rest of the night dancing with the cat on my shoulder. Somehow, it really helped me get comfortable.

At the end of the night, I found the guy and returned his kitten. It was a strange but great night.

鈥淪he came with an IV still in her arm鈥� 鈥� Dami*, 26, M

I once saw a lady at a rave with an IV still taped to her hand. I overheard her telling her friends she’d already paid for the ticket and couldn鈥檛 let her money go to waste. I was genuinely concerned, but she stayed until almost sunrise. I鈥檝e never seen anyone more determined to get their money鈥檚 worth.

鈥淢y friends saw sex on the dancefloor鈥� 鈥� Aisha*, 24, F

I didn鈥檛 see this myself, but my friends gave me the gist. They said they saw a heterosexual couple basically having sex on the dance floor. At first, they thought they were imagining it because they were really faded and tired from a night of dancing. Then they realised it was really happening. That鈥檚 the craziest thing I can imagine seeing on a night out. Can鈥檛 you get a room?

鈥淚 witnessed the worst cocktail in the world鈥� 鈥� James*, 33, M

I was waiting in a long queue to get into a rave, when I noticed some younger people in front of me. One of them poured wine, lacoco and sachet gin into a cup, then topped it off with yoghurt. Obviously, the yoghurt curdled immediately, and the drink looked disgusting, but the guy downed it in one gulp. 

What made it weird was hearing the guy tell his friends that yoghurt is his secret to avoiding getting too wasted. I was just glad I鈥檇 outgrown those bootleg mixologist shenanigans.

鈥淚 saw my first four-way kiss鈥� 鈥� Deji*, 31, M

At the very first rave I attended in 2024, I saw a four-way kiss for the first time. I actually thought it was four people whispering to each other and wondered how they could hear anything over the music. Then a beam of light hit their direction, and I realised they were having a buccal meet-and-greet. I鈥檓 curious about how that kind of kiss works, but not curious enough to try it myself.

鈥淎 stranger gave me his house keys鈥� 鈥� Michael*, 27, M

I was dancing when a guy I鈥檇 never met asked, 鈥淎re you still here?鈥� I nodded, and before I could ask why, he grabbed my hand and pressed a bunch of keys into it. He shouted, 鈥淚鈥檓 coming back,鈥� then disappeared into the crowd.

I held onto the keys for almost three hours. When I tried to leave, I remembered that this stranger might be locked out of his house because of me, so I stayed a little longer. He eventually returned and looked shocked that I was still there. He hugged me, collected the keys and walked away without even asking my name. I still wonder what his backup plan was if I had gone away with his keys.

鈥淪he came to the rave with her mum鈥� 鈥� Janet*, 26, F

At one rave, I hit it off with a babe, and we danced together for a bit. When I wanted to get some water, she offered to go with me. That was when I noticed a third, older lady with us. I assumed she was my new friend鈥檚 older sister, but she laughed and told me she was her mum. I was surprised, I didn鈥檛 think our parents鈥� generation would be interested in the rave scene. 

Honestly, her mum didn鈥檛 look very comfortable, but she seemed curious. She also didn鈥檛 dance with us, but towards the end of the night, I saw her moving her head to the beat.

鈥淢y friend kissed a couple鈥� 鈥� Aanu*, 29, F

While we were dancing the night away, my friend made out with a babe on the dance floor and, shortly after, kissed a guy. I thought they were two separate events until she told me the babe and the guy were a couple. She said neither of them knew about the other, and I was so surprised. I didn鈥檛 know the streets were getting freaky like that.

鈥淚 saw someone pass out on the dance floor鈥� 鈥� Dennis*, 27, M

I was dancing and minding my business when the guy in front of me suddenly passed out.  He looked so out of it that I panicked that something had happened to him. Thankfully, his friends were around. They picked him up, took him to a corner and started fanning him. Once  I saw that he was with his people, I turned my attention back to the DJ spinning fire.

鈥淭here was a lap dance on the dance floor鈥� 鈥� Dunmo*, 29, F

My very first rave left me shocked at every turn. I didn鈥檛 expect to see people let loose so completely. They touched and danced with each other so freely. What shocked me the most was seeing a guy in thongs give someone else a lap dance in the middle of the packed dance floor.

I wanted to stop and wonder what was happening there, but the music was too good to ignore for long.

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