The party was at Sol Beach by Box Mall. I got there at past 12, and first fell in love with how colourful the place looked.  Of course, there were many instagrammbale spots; you can鈥檛 throw a party with influencers without giving them aesthetically pleasing backdrops. There was a photo booth, where people got to take really cool pictures. There was also a  runway. I got on it, strutted up and down like a supermodel and honestly, Naomi Campbell has nothing on me. I loved seeing people have fun, making videos and taking pictures on the runway in their stylish beach outfits. I need more of this at parties, please.

Most of the activities happened around the pool. I didn鈥檛 get in the pool but other people did, and they had a lot of fun. There were water gun fights, water volleyball, swimming, and some people were just peacefully floating in the pool. Those outside the pool got to play games like beer pong, and musical chairs with a twist whoever; didn鈥檛 get a chair had to jump in the pool. 

Belly dancers came out to dance and remind us that hips don鈥檛 lie. There was also pool karaoke, which was super entertaining because people took their performances very seriously. People were asked to form music groups with backup singers and dancers. And boy, every single person took it seriously. If you heard that Beyonc茅 fell down while performing during her Renaissance tour, it鈥檚 because a group of people in VI, Lagos, Nigeria, snatched her throne for a few minutes. Or maybe they just wanted to win the cash prize,  we鈥檒l never know.

By the way, did I mention that there was free food and unlimited Flying Fish beers going around? I promise I drank responsibly. But I ate until I couldn鈥檛 anymore because I had only white rice and stew in my fridge.  Don鈥檛 judge me, please.

I had so much fun. I danced until I was struggling to breathe. I literally had to take a break to use my inhaler. I love it when people choose DJs that know how to keep the crowd hyped up until the end. DJ Dayzee and DJ Neptune killed it! 

The Flying Fish Influencer Party was an unforgettable experience. The venue was perfect, the activities were fun, and the energy was exhilarating. I’m so glad I got to attend. 

Handi and Wanni 

Not only were the main DJs for the night two gorgeous women who also happen to be twin sisters, I love how easily they got the crowd lit. They would play music then leave their DJ table to come and drop moves on the stage. I loved them so much. They got everyone really hyped up for the party.聽

Performances 

I lost my voice from screaming out loud to every song the performers performed. Odumodu Black came on stage and I sang Declan Rice like my life depended on it. Teni came on stage with her best friend鈥� a mascot (a bird wearing a jersey with Teni鈥檚 name on it) and her entire performance reminded me of how much of a badass she is at this music thing. My favourite part was when she came down from the stage and started singing in the middle of the crowd. Joeboy was the final performer and I didn鈥檛 want him to leave the stage. I just wanted him to keep serenading me like I鈥檓 the love of his life.

The DJs 

Sarz came and scattered the dancefloor with his Amapiano afrobeat mix. Every time he transitioned into a new song, people screamed in excitement because it was always a hit. Sarz is really not anybody鈥檚 mate. Then DJ Tohbad came and told us that we weren鈥檛 done dancing and kept dropping jams upon jams. My feet have still not recovered.聽聽

Everyone dancing 

I love how everyone was so comfortable and relaxed. We all danced and genuinely had a great time. The Spotify crew went around hyping people while they were dancing. It was like having your own personal hypeman for a bit.聽

The food truck

This food truck saved my life. After I used up all my energy dancing, I became crazy hungry. I was so happy that there was a food truck still serving food at midnight. I don鈥檛 know if it was the hunger or the adrenaline from all the dancing, but the shawarma I had slapped like a Nigerian mother. More parties need to adopt the concept of selling affordable food till whenever the party ends. Sometimes, Jay鈥檚 Diner is too far away.

How close to the stage I was 

One of the highlights of the entire event was how close I was to the stage. I鈥檓 talking 鈥淚-could-almost-touch-the-performers鈥�-shoes鈥� close. Also, everyone had the same tickets and had equal access to the entire venue, which is rare at Lagos parties. It made the party even more fun, we were all just feeling the music and vibing together.聽聽

The photobooth 

There was a really cool danfo photo booth that people loved. Spotify was very intentional about the ambience and decor of the venue. Even the food truck matched the theme.  

The event left no doubt that African Heat is the ultimate go-to for all things African music and culture. It proudly showcased Spotify’s strong commitment to promoting the rise of African artists and making sure they have their shining moment in the spotlight.

Remind yourself that the heart of every single gender that exists is wicked. Go to one of those and read the shege people who鈥檝e caught feelings are seeing. Your eye will clear. 

Think about the breakfast that awaits you 

If you want to truly stop catching feelings, remember what popular philosopher, Burna Boy, said, 鈥淟ast last, na everybody go chop breakfast.鈥� The fear of heartbreak will make all feelings disappear. 

Travel 

The plan is to catch flights, not feelings. What are you doing? My friend, bring out your passport and start travelling the world. By the time you鈥檙e sipping a Mai Tai in Cape Point, you鈥檒l forget about the person you鈥檙e supposed to be falling for. 

Read their messages 

Yes, this is an invasion of privacy, but there鈥檚 a high chance you鈥檒l see something that鈥檒l give you immediate chest pain that鈥檒l make the feelings disappear. And isn鈥檛 that the goal here? Either you find out they鈥檙e saying rubbish about you in the group chat, or they鈥檙e interested in someone else, it鈥檚 better to know before the feelings get too deep.

Tell your friends 

Make sure you let them know all the red flags and why you shouldn鈥檛 be liking them. Friends are best at convincing us to cancel and block any person causing us stress and pain. 

Remind yourself that a bad bitch doesn鈥檛 catch feelings

Stand in front of a mirror, beat your chest three times, and say, 鈥淚鈥檓 a bad bitch, and I don鈥檛 do feelings. So I鈥檒l stop having feelings for *insert name*鈥�. Repeat this every day for three days, and you鈥檒l be fine. 

Write an epistle 

Send the person an epistle telling them how you feel about them. Their one word/sentence reply will annoy the feelings out of you. 

Use jazz 

For some reason, people use jazz to make other people fall in love with them. Well, your case is different. You can鈥檛 be catching feelings in these streets, abeg. Time to find your nearest babalawo. 

Just accept it 

Why are you trying to stop what鈥檚 meant to be? Embrace the feelings happily. If you see shege, it鈥檚 okay. It鈥檚 part of life. 

ALSO READ: Signs You鈥檙e Dating Someone Who鈥檚 Been Single for Too Long

What do you think of our website鈥檚 new look? It鈥檒l only take a minute and let us know.

It鈥檚 partially our fault sha. After shouting, 鈥淗ow can this app be free?鈥� for years, Elon has said, 鈥淎ii bet.鈥�

Now, we鈥檙e pretty sure he鈥檒l soon say only can do these things:聽

Unlimited tweets 

He鈥檒l announce that basic bitches like us would only have access to 20 tweets per month. If you want unlimited tweets, pay for Twitter Blue. For those of us who鈥檇 finish the 20 tweets in two hours but refuse to pay, we鈥檇 finally have time to discover the cure for AIDS or come up with new creations, like a noiseless blender.聽

Unlimited mentions 

Elon would find a way to limit the number of people you can mention in a tweet, just because he wants you to subscribe to Twitter Blue. When you see, 鈥淭ag someone who鈥�,鈥� you鈥檇 think twice before responding. Your new thing would be putting the person鈥檚 name instead of their @ and sending the tweet to their DMs so they can see it and reply.聽

Twitter Spaces

Can鈥檛 lie, I won鈥檛 mind this one because people are too quick to start spaces these days.聽 Any small talk on the TL, and there鈥檚 a space. Let this be the problem of Blue Tick Twitter, abeg.聽

Quote tweets聽

Forget ratioing people who annoy you, because Elon would limit your ability to quote people’s tweets too. Before you know it, you’d see: “You can’t quote this tweet because you have reached your target number of quotes for the month. To quote as many tweets as you like, subscribe for Twitter Blue.”

Posting pictures 

People would only be able to post one picture at a time or a certain number of pictures per month, unless they pay. Forget about monthly dumps and random screenshots of everything happening in your life.聽聽

Have followers 

Yeah, that鈥檚 right. It may get to a point where people wouldn鈥檛 be able to follow you because you鈥檝e reached the highest number of followers a free account can have. You鈥檇 wake up one day and see you鈥檝e lost more than half your followers because our Tesla oga said we have to pay to have extra people following us.聽

Tweet about certain topics聽

I solidly stand behind this one. So that those who want to recycle the same topics every five days 鈥� who pays for dates or should women cook for men 鈥� would finally be stopped. Let them go and be a problem among the rich in Blue Tick Twitter. 

Everything 

The entire app would become subscription-based like Netflix or Apple Music. The way things are going, Elon will definitely ask us to pay to access the app at all. And that鈥檚 the day I鈥檒l go back to Facebook.聽

ALSO READ: You Can鈥檛 Survive Nigerian Twitter If You Don鈥檛 Know These 25 Slangs聽

What do you think of our website鈥檚 new look? It鈥檒l only take a minute and let us know.

Egg Sauce of life,

I’m in awe of you. I love how diverse you are. You can be cooked in so many ways with different ingredients. It鈥檚 one of the reasons why many people love you. You bring all the excitement to this marriage, and I鈥檓 grateful for it. 

When I was dating stew, not only was I always bored, but I also felt incomplete, like something was missing. I couldn鈥檛 figure out what it was until I met you. It felt like an age-old connection was rekindled, and every moment we spend together, I appreciate all that you offer me. 

You鈥檙e my best friend. I love that we can be romantic and lovey-dovey and also goofy and mischievous as hell. I remember when someone made us for lunch, ate a tiny bit and put the rest of us in the fridge. We felt so unwanted and wanted to get revenge so bad, we decided to fall on the floor the next time he took us out of the fridge. The look on his face was too funny. 

You make life so easy; when people are thinking of what to eat me with, you always make yourself an available option, and I really appreciate that. In the midst of all the chaos in this country, you鈥檝e been there for me. When people boil me too soft, you comfort me and tell me you鈥檒l deal with the person. It鈥檚 so cute when you act like you can fight. I remember when you threatened to beat up that Chukwudi boy who cut me up haphazardly and then forgot about me until I got burnt because he went to watch a football match. I found it so sexy and adorable at the same. 

I love how we work so well together, like we were meant to be. The way your sauce mixes with my soft body is the reason people love us so much. We鈥檙e the perfect breakfast combo. If anyone disagrees, they can argue with their frying pan. I hope we continue to make people happy during mealtime. I also hope I bring you even a fraction of the joy you bring me. 

You have illuminated my life and enriched it far more than I could have dreamed possible. I can鈥檛 imagine my world without you. To more breakfasts and brunches. 

Love, 

Yam 

Dear Beans, 

Remember when we were at a bukka and a man came in shouting that their food had given him explosive diarrhoea? He was so furious as told them how he spent his entire day in and out of the toilet and even finished all the tissue in the house. 

We just sat in a corner laughing because you were the cause of his stomach problem. When you were being cooked, you pretended like you were done, so the seller put off the fire and served you like that. It was even funnier because I was on the plate with you and knew the prank you were about to pull. It was such a foolish prank. 

I miss when we used to cause mischief. You were always ready to do foolish things with me, and that鈥檚 why you鈥檙e my favourite cousin in the entire world. You鈥檙e the one family member I genuinely get along with. Butter and egg are great, but they鈥檙e also boring. Their idea of fun is starting polls on who between them people prefer to eat me with. And I hate the polls because I鈥檇 rather be eaten with you.  

People used to eat us together a lot. . They used to crave us so much that, before Thursday, we would鈥檝e been served to at least 16 people in one bukka alone. We were the perfect team because we taste great for how cheap we are. But now, we rarely see each other.

You spend a lot more time with yam, plantain and rice. And I guess it鈥檚 because people don鈥檛 just want to eat you and me all the time. I鈥檝e even seen you hang out with sliced bread and spaghetti a few times. And while I鈥檓 happy you get to spend more time with other foods (I鈥檓 not sure about you and spaghetti sha), I sometimes long for the days when it was you and I, with the others as 鈥渙nce in a while鈥� options. 

You鈥檙e not just my cousin, you鈥檙e my best friend. And despite all the foods I鈥檝e met in this life, there鈥檚 no one like you. You鈥檙e so cool people even eat you alone and enjoy you. You make them gassy and that makes you such a fun food because there鈥檚 never a dull moment with you. Remember when we used to laugh at short people who ate a lot of you because they thought it would make them taller? Or when people used to dip me in Coke because that鈥檚 how much sapa had dealt with them. Good times. 

Thank you for bringing excitement into my life. Thank you for showing me there鈥檚 more to life than sitting around and waiting to be eaten. As I鈥檝e said about 100 times in this love letter, I miss you cuz. Life is boring without you. I really hope we get to spend a lot more time together this year. With the way the economy is going, more people will look for us soon, so be ready. We need to be there for them in their time of need. 

I can鈥檛 wait to see you again.

Love, 

Agege bread 

Recording videos in the snow 

One thing japa warriors have in common is recording all their videos outside in the snow. Does the snow emphasise that they鈥檙e abroad, or does it show the hardship they鈥檙e really going through? Either way, they need to stop.聽

Telling us how cold it is 

At least 100 new Ontarians have told us how cold it is. We鈥檝e heard. But it won鈥檛 stop us from coming.聽

Reminding us that it鈥檚 not easy聽

Every five seconds, they must remind us that living abroad isn鈥檛 easy, like they鈥檙e not enjoying the perks of a functional society and economy. Come back to Nigeria then, if abroad is so tough. Nowhere is completely easy, except you鈥檙e rich.

Telling us to stay back 

I hate when they make statements like, 鈥淒on鈥檛 come to the UK. The people here aren鈥檛 friendly鈥�,聽 or 鈥淒on鈥檛 come to Japan. The sun doesn鈥檛 shine鈥�. Other nationalities are finding ways to bring in more of their people, but Nigerians are telling theirs not to come.聽

Telling us how lonely it is 

They don鈥檛 even mean they miss their families or struggle to make genuine friends. All they care about is how hard it is to find a sex partner. Then they tell us to find partners we can bring abroad with us.聽

Telling us to japa 

They japa and immediately forget the struggles they faced when they were leaving the country. Now, every time something bad happens in Nigeria, we get variations of 鈥淏etter japa fast if you like yourself鈥�, 鈥淛apa o. Nigeria is horrible鈥�.聽 Will you give me the money?

Acting like they don鈥檛 know how bad Nigeria is 

All of a sudden, they鈥檝e forgotten that NEPA takes light and the background sound they hear over the phone is generator noise. I once complained about working late at a former bank job, to a friend abroad, and he asked me to quit since they aren鈥檛 paying overtime. You say, what?聽

Telling us how much stuff in their new country costs in naira

鈥淐an鈥檛 believe I just paid 鈧�13k to barb my hair.鈥� No, sir. You paid $30. They鈥檙e not earning in naira, so I don鈥檛 get why they鈥檙e always crying about the naira equivalent of things. Are they looking for pity?

ALSO READ: 7 Telltale Signs Your Coworker Is About to Japa

In the spirit of Valentine, we decided to give four foods the chance to write love letters to those they care about. This is Love Letters to Food.

Dear Fried Rice, 

We get pitted against each other a lot, so people don鈥檛 really know how close we are. You鈥檙e the best friend I can鈥檛 do without. They see us as two competitors always fighting about who鈥檚 superior, but it鈥檚 so crazy how people don鈥檛 see that all our fighting is just banter. Like when you drag me for dating chicken because no one else can stand my wahala. 

Every time I鈥檓 down or feeling a bit of self-doubt because one restaurant or caterer didn鈥檛 cook me well, you never fail to remind me I鈥檓 a bad bitch, that countries all over the world fight about which version of me is the best, and Nigerian households cook me anytime they get the chance. I don鈥檛 think I can be in a bad mood for too long when I鈥檓 around you because you always know the right thing to say to make me feel better. Even when you鈥檙e not physically there, one phone call to you and I鈥檓 all good. I couldn鈥檛 ask for a better best friend and partner. 

You always say all these amazing things about me, but have you met you? You鈥檙e sweet, the most exotic type of rice there is, and anybody who disagrees can kiss a burning pot. You鈥檙e so full of life 鈥� only you has carrots, green peas, spring onions, bell peppers, shrimps and more. That鈥檚 why you give people around you life, and that鈥檚 why you鈥檙e a celebratory meal. You may not be cooked often in Nigerian homes, but that鈥檚 because they save you for special occasions. You鈥檙e that special.

I鈥檓 so glad we鈥檙e served together at most events. It has brought us closer than ever because we get to gist and gossip a lot. I love how we notice the same things; all we have to do is look at each other. I always have to hold myself from bursting out in laughter, and that鈥檚 what makes events fun for me. Whenever I鈥檓 served without you, it鈥檚 always boring because there鈥檚 no one to gist or make jokes with. All chicken knows how to do is complain that people don鈥檛 eat its bone in public. No one understands me like you do. 

I can鈥檛 imagine what life would be like without you as my best friend. Who鈥檇 I complain to when one expensive restaurant adds too much curry to me? Remember the first time you met turkey, and he took you to a bukka for your first date? You thought turkey was one rich protein and that he was going to take you to an exotic fancy restaurant, only for you to end up in a bukka. It was such a hilarious experience. 

Thank you for being the best friend any food could ask for, for staying by my side in the good times and bad. I love you, and I look forward to more chaotic times with you. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, bestie.

ALSO READ: 鈥淚 Feel Seen Because of You鈥� 鈥� Love Letter From Gizzard to Dodo

Eko and milk

I鈥檝e never had this, but I bet it tastes as unappealing as it looks. People who say they like this are lying. How can you eat something that looks so bland? 

Spaghetti and Beans 

I understand we鈥檙e talking about trenches food, but come on now, spaghetti and beans? Why did anybody think this would be a good combination? There鈥檚 no way this tastes good because the textures of both meals just don鈥檛 go together. The worst is rice, spaghetti and beans. You must be eating for eating sake if you eat that. 

Yam and beans 

What is it with mama put and adding beans anywhere it鈥檚 not needed? Is yam and stew not good enough? Eating two heavy meals together can鈥檛 be good for anybody. 

Agege bread and butter

Just bread and butter? No egg, beans, akara or even stew? It鈥檚 giving basic.

Akara and pap 

Image credit:

The best akara is the kind you buy from the mama down the road from your office at 7 a.m. before work starts. It鈥檚 straight out of the fire and goes perfectly with agege bread or pap hot enough to burn your throat. The bread is two days stale, and the pap is the kind they scoop with a big plastic cup. 

Fried yam or potato with pepper sauce 

Whether you have it early in the morning, afternoon or at night, fried yam or potato with pepper sauce will always bang. Take note though, it must be served inside black nylon or newspaper. If they give it to you in a styrofoam plate, it won鈥檛 have the sweet trenches taste. 

White rice and ofada sauce 

The rice has to come with ofada sauce that has enough pepper in it to make you cry, plenty of meat, two boiled eggs and five fingers of plantain.  

White rice, stew and boiled egg

The egg has to be soaked in the stew, and the stew must have enough oil to reduce your life span by eight years. If not, the food won鈥檛 slap. 

Mai shayi bread and egg 

I鈥檓 not sure whether it鈥檚 the excess oil or how they press the bread in the frying pan after putting the egg in the middle, but mai shayi agege bread and egg sandwich tastes like it dropped from heaven.  

Ewa agoyin and agege bread 

Nothing beats trenches ewa agoyin. A restaurant opened up and tried to sell it in fancy packaging. That didn鈥檛 work out because the trenches is part of ewa agoyin鈥檚 sauce. It鈥檚 best served in a styrofoam plate with the oil dripping into the black nylon and staining everywhere. 

ALSO READ: Ranked! Lagos Traffic Food

Dear Dodo, 

I鈥檓 thinking about the first time we met as I write this letter. It was the day my life changed.

Before you, very few people liked me. Anytime they heard gizzard, they acted like someone just gave them semo. I was always picked last from a pot of stew, and if I was mistakenly served on a plate, I had to deal with the fear of being pushed aside and ignored. Do you know what it feels like to always expect rejection? Semo does, and only semo should. I was really going through it, and I felt so alone. Then you came into my life. 

From the moment we started dating, we were the power couple. Everyone wanted us around; we got invited to so many events and served to all kinds of people. 

Now, I鈥檓 in places I never would鈥檝e dreamt of. I even get treated more special than small chops, and it鈥檚 all because of you. You鈥檙e a blessing to not just me but to everyone around you. Your friends 鈥� beans, egg and jollof rice 鈥� can testify to how much of a blessing you are. 

The more they cook and serve us together, the more I fall in love with you. Every moment we spend together is magical. Whether we鈥檙e served at a wedding, a 70th birthday, a  bridal shower or even a burial, whether we鈥檙e alone or served with our friends, as long as I鈥檓 with you, that鈥檚 all that matters.  

In this month of love, I want to say thank you for creating magic with me and making us Gizdodo. It鈥檚 so crazy how, despite our opposite textures, we work so well together. We were meant for each other. The only time we fight is when people leave us out to spoil, and that鈥檚 because we鈥檙e both fighting for our lives. But that rarely even happens. 

You鈥檙e an incredible partner and soulmate, and I love you more than I can ever express. I can鈥檛 wait to spend the rest of my life with you on different plates at more events. I love you from one owambe to the other.