Emmanuel, 27 – Always down to bone

“Well, I鈥檝e never felt responsible for upholding the sanctity of someone else鈥檚 relationship. I鈥檝e hooked up with married people and people in long-term relationships. I don鈥檛 intentionally pursue them, but if I鈥檓 into someone and I find out they are taken, that doesn鈥檛 really phase me. If they are still willing to hook up, I鈥檓 down.”

Zainab, 22 – The snog queen

“In SS2, I went out with this boy. He was nice, but we had some issues – I low-key thought he was cheating on me. We took a break during the summer holiday and then, I met this other guy who was my neighbour. We hit it off immediately and had a hot make-out sesh. This is where the plot thickens – my boyfriend was friends with said neighbour. So, he found out about it.

To this day, I have no idea if it was the other guy that outed what we did, but the story was that I had sex with him and I was like “hell, no!”. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that we were technically on a break at the time, but he wasn’t having it. And so, we broke up — typical Ross and Rachel stuff. If you watch friends, you’ll get it. We got back together but not for long.”

Gbenga, 24 – The douche-y cheater

“My girlfriend was beautiful – I said ‘was’ because without me by her side, she’s not that attractive (LOL). Anyway, she was beautiful but was way too clingy and at first, I liked it but it got annoying after a while.

I met the girl I cheated on her with at the mall, and bruh, she was fine! like not just a snack but a whole damn meal. I went to talk to her, you know, putting on the sweet moves and of course, it worked. This girl was on me like white on rice. So anyway, I took her out on a couple dates for about a month before she let me get it. I liked her because she challenged me and was nothing like my girl. I know at this point you’re wondering why I didn’t just break up with her and the truth is, I just wanted to eat my cake and have it. Anyway, my girlfriend literally walked in on the new girl giving me head and that’s how i got caught cheating. I’d do it again though.”

Mercy, 23 – My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

“Firstly, I don’t think it’s cheating if a relationship isn’t defined, but I juggled four guys last year. Two of them found me out and got mad but I don’t know why they were so upset about it because we technically weren’t dating. I thought loyalty was only for I-want-to-marry-you people. “

Have you ever cheated? Or have you been cheated on? Let us know!

1. Practicing conversations in your head before having them

You also replay those conversations in your head after you’ve had them.

2. Having panic attacks over something that is yet to happen

Triggered!

3. Wanting the ground to open up and swallow you when you have to walk past a group of people

Take me now!

4. Overanalyzing anything and everything people say

And overthink everything too.

5. Cancelling plans to hang out with friends last minute

You’re just not wired to socialise.

6. Assuming strangers are making fun of you when you hear them laugh

Even though it was something else, you swear it’s about you.

7. You’re uncomfortable eating in public for the fear of being judged

Please don’t judge me!

Can you relate? Let us know what other thing(s) anxiety makes you do!

‘Tis the season of ashy skin, chapped lips and dusty surfaces. In case you didn’t already catch on, it’s harmattan again. And we’re here to help you survive its throes. Here are 5 must-haves for this trying period:

Vaseline (aka Petroleum Jelly)

As you already know, harmattan and dry skin are symbiotic. And during this time, it’s literally impossible to escape not moisturising your skin.

Vaseline, with its multipurpose uses, is all you need to save us the horrors of seeing your crusty skin.

Lip Balm

Chapped/ flaky lips are unavoidable this season. Therefore, it is important to stay strapped with lip balm, in order to keep those lips hydrated and supple, or risk not getting kissed by your MCM/ WCW.

Transformer Clothes

I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not talking about autobots’ merch. I mean detachable clothes that can work in both hot and cold weather because harmattan is a two-faced bitch.

Sunglasses

Looking cool while protecting your eyes from dust and dirt is a good two-in-one deal if you ask me.

Nose Mask

Apart from serving as a protective covering from dust, this is also great for dodging smelly pits and mouths.

Did we leave anything out? Let us know!

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In Lagos, two things are certain every Christmas: detty concerts and bumper to bumper traffic, upped by a bajillion notches. It’s the absolute worst really, and no higher power can save you from it – well, except you’re from Edo. So how then, do you kill time while sitting through the madness? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Make that phone call you’ve been putting off

You swore you’d call your mom back two days ago but you didn’t. It would be a good time to check up on her. However, make sure you’re not caught by road safety.

2. Download movies to watch

You never know who has their WiFi Hotspot on while you’re stuck in hellish traffic… So you just might get lucky.

Feel free to download that Christmas movie that has been sitting idly on your Netflix watch list. Be like this guy

3. Scroll through your Twitter/Instagram feed

In this digital world, you have to be up-to-speed on the juiciest news so you’re not caught sleeping on a bicycle. You know, It’s never a bad time to see if another celebrity has committed an atrocious offence, or see what your crush is up to. Heck, you can even tweet your annoyance at the IJGBs who have come to make Lagos even more inconvenient than it already is.

4. Learn your fave artiste’s song lyrics

This detty December, you don’t want to be caught on camera messing up the song lyrics of your fave artiste (who you claim to stan). Take it from me, it never looks cute, ok?

1. Nigerian parents, why?

2. Nigeria + Generators = Soulmates

3. PHCN shenanigans

4. Torn Naira notes

5. You gotta do what you gotta do

6. SARS, did you forget your job?

7. Shhh! It works

8. When power is restored

9. Punctual kings and queens

10. No pictures = It didn’t happen

11. Mad oh!!!

12. I mean…

13. What a shame!

A wimpy move? Absolutely, but do people do it anyway? HELL YES!!!

We asked 5 people to share their ghosting stories and boy, do people need Jesus candles…

Patrick, 25 – A date with a douche

“My friend introduced me to this guy. He was good-looking, and since I’m superficial, I figured we’d hit it off. We eventually went out on a date and started talking. Not sure how it got to the topic of feminism, but he had so many toxic, sexist notions e.g. women are only good for their reproductive ability. Tbh, I wasn’t even aware queer people could be so sexist, especially in such a heteronormative way.

Anyway, before the date was even over, I’d blocked his number and wiped him off social media. Considering how intense the argument was, I doubt he would have even tried to reach out, but I didn’t want to risk it.”

Chiamaka, 23 – Still hung up on his ex

“So I met this boy on a group hike. We started talking and hit it off instantly. He was nice… but wouldn’t stop bringing up his ex in our conversations. Gradually, the drive to speak to him slipped away and I was not about to be caught up in all that drama. So I did the needful.”

Olumide, 28 – Cold hearted or nah?

“We went to uni together and she was classmates with my best friend, although we didn’t really speak until after graduation. We went out once and it went well. Not long after, we made plans for her to come over to my place. That day came and for whatever reason, I didn’t feel like seeing her anymore. So she called and called and I didn’t answer.

For like a week, she tried to reach out via calls and texts. But still no response from me. She gave up after that week but not before sending a long paragraph, insulting me for ghosting.”

Fatima, 23 – A couple strings attached

“My most recent ghosting happened with this guy I was kind of seeing. It was supposed to be light with no strings attached, but he was catching feelings and wanted us to be serious. So we had this conversation where I told him what I needed romantically from a partner to even consider being serious. And then he said 鈥渁s much as I want this, I don’t want to feel like I’m overcompensating.鈥�

Anyway long story short, I ended things with him there and then, but he didn’t seem to get the memo. So I stopped responding to his messages and answering his calls.”

Bella, 27 – What’s worse than a boring lunch date?

“So I met this guy through a friend. Both of them were good friends. So we started hanging out. Nothing serious. A lunch date here and there. But then, they were no fun. I wasn’t learning much about him, and sharing about my life seemed like a chore. Our conversations were like QandA sessions and for me, if a conversation isn’t flowing, I won’t stick around. So I went mute for months.

It was gradual. I’d always be busy doing something so we wouldn’t do any more boring lunch dates. Till I just blanked completely. Funny enough, we saw each other a few months after the long silence. Same thing. I think we both get now that there is nothing here. He didn’t at first, I believe.”

Have you ever been ghosted? or have you ghosted someone? Let us know!