Shola, Author at 91��!

All The Ups And Downs That Come With Being A Z!KOKO Writer

Shola — Sat, 20 Jun 2020 08:03:41 +0000

Based on a true life story…

1) You, when you get a Z!koko job and you think your work is play.

Pashun! dream job!

2) When you now realize it’s not beans at all.

Who sent me? Follow your dream, follow your dream, now I don hang.

3) When you write a listicle and it has 50 comments.

Changes bio to content strategist. Digital media strategist. Content god.

4) When you write something you think is really boring and everyone loves it!

I heart you guys.

5) How you think of what to write every morning.

O God of inspiration, direct our noble cause.

6) When you think you’ve written something interesting and it has zero comments.

It do usually pain.

7) When one of the readers now say they don’t understand the rubbish you’ve written.

Pls dear.

8) When you see people cursing 91�� writers.

“91��, you people are mad.” “91��, it’s you that’ll never find love.”

On top small civil play.

9) When one reader is now trying to do oversabi in comments section and Z!koko readers drag the person for you.

Look at God.

10) You, when you see your friends struggling to their office in suits.

Godspeed guys.

11) Every time you remember you have the best job ever, you’re like:

The 91�� Guide To Surviving The Rainy Season

Shola — Fri, 25 May 2018 09:00:01 +0000

As we are all aware, the rainy season is here. And while we like how rain makes the weather cool for us, we have to admit Nigerian rain can be extra! Here are all the things you need to survive.

1. If you don’t have a big umbrella in this weather, you’re on your own.

Not all those small ones that can fly away with small wind o!

2. Nylon bag, or even sack sef for added protection.

To tie on your head when your umbrella is not having sense.

3. Original bathroom slippers is an absolute must.

To help the life of your loubs and nike shoes!

4. Canoe and paddle for all the times the rain is proving stubborn.

When the rain decides to turn everywhere into river.

5. Life jacket, for those of us that cannot swim.

If you cannot afford the canoe, kuku buy this one.

6. Forget lamp, lantern and kerosine is the way forward.

When NEPA will not even let you charge lamp nko?

7. Everybody needs a Sugar Parent

Because Sugar Daddy can send Range. Sugar mummy won’t even let you go anywhere

8. Okay, forget everything for a moment, see this Firewood?

That is what you need to become this season. “Weather for two” is a dangerous idea. Baby food is expensive. Be wise.

If You Think Clubbing Is Rubbish, You’ll Love This One

Shola — Wed, 03 May 2017 06:37:57 +0000

1. When you’re trying to enter a club but your baby face is blocking your joy

Is it now a crime to look like a baby girl?

2. When you now have to bribe the bouncers to let you in

Just take it and let me enter, abeg.

3. You, when you see hot babes walking in without wahala

What an insult! What a betray!

4. When you now finally enter, you’re like

One-in-town babe.

5. When annoying people won’t let you dance in peace and keep bringing their sweaty bodies to your side

Please, just gerrarahia.

6. You, when you thought the music couldn’t be louder but the DJ proves you wrong

Shebi you want to spoil my ear drums? Carry on.

7. When you ask for a drink and they call one ridiculous price

There’s water at home sha.

What’s clubbing in Nigeria really like?

All The Things That Happen When You Meet Your Online Crush In Real Life

Shola — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 11:07:53 +0000

1. When you sight them from afar and see how short they are

But this guy said he’s 6’2!

2. When you finally see their real face and it’s nothing like the picture you saw

Things are not even adding up in this place!

3. What of when they have mouth and body odor?

Cancelled! For life!

4. When they appear to have sense online but their brain is empty in real life

Ko le werk!

9 Thoughts All Boarders Had When Resumption Time Was Near

Shola — Tue, 18 Apr 2017 07:37:20 +0000

1. You, when you remember you’re about to see your wicked seniors again.

Stupid seniors that only know how to send you message.

2. When you realize there won’t be delicious food for you anymore.

Only salt and beans for the next months!

3. You, when you realize you can’t sleep past 5 o’clock for the coming term.

Can my parents just put me in a day-school already?

4. When you remember you won’t see your family for the next 90 days.

Not even my mummy that pampers me anyhow.

5. How you now start having nightmares the night before you go to school.

Hay God!

6. How you balance on the toilet for hours, because you know it’s only shotput after today.

You can only shotput after night prep sef.

7. You, when you’re eating that final meal before you leave home:

Before I face my cube of sugar meat in dining.

8. When you’re now almost in school and you see the signboard.

My wahala is about to start!

9. When you enter the gate and the first set of people you see are your wicked seniors.

It’s my God that will punish all of you.

Goodluck Jonathan’s Administration Never Meant Nigeria Well

Shola — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 12:37:20 +0000

Goodluck Jonathan and his corrupt officials have once again given us international exposure nobody asked them for

If you’re not sitting down, you should, because this one is BAD! It’s TERRIBLE!

Under our nose, Jonathan and former Minister of Petroleum during the Abacha regime, Dan Etete, sold our birthright to Shell

Recently uncovered evidence shows that Shell was involved in a bribery deal with, who is also the owner of this fake company, Malabu Oil(which he set up with our money in 1995, by the way). Somehow, in 2014, Etete got about $801 million of $1.1bn- money from the proceedings of the sale of one of OUR oil fields to oil giant Shell and Italian Oil company, Eni – to Malabu.

More baffling is the fact that the oil field -OPL 245- is worth $500bn in untapped oil!

At the time dem Jonah struck that Malabu deal, this is what $500bn in naira was:

₦1,250,000,000,000,000.00

Good night
— HEO (@4eyedmonk)

OPL 245 as it’s called was one of our most valuable resources, worth 499 times more than what it was sold. Why do our leaders insist on selling our futures for temporary gain? Why?

Dan Etete, a convicted felon in France, was allowed access to such huge deals during the Jonathan’s administration. Where in the world does that happen? And what is Buhari’s government doing about it?

In 2011, Shell had to pay another $30 million for briberies alone. Foreign media say this is possibly ‘Big Oil’s Worst Scandal’ because the transactions were illegal and denied them until last Sunday.

Will Jonathan and his cohorts be prosecuted?

A govt that has details of theft of public funds on the scale of this Malabu deal but hasnt secured a conviction of 1 person has failed abeg
— 20.10.2020 (@I_Am_Ilemona)

There are reports the , nothing is certain.

One of the documents uncovered showed how some of the money was split

Nigerian businessman Aliyu Abubakar withdrew $54,418,000 in cash. $466,065,965.44 withdrawn in cash and subsequently funneled to government officials including President Goodluck Jonathan, Attorney General Mohammed Bello Adoke, Minister of Petroleum Diezani Alison-Madueke, Minister of Defence and former National Security Advisor Aliyu Gusau. $10,026,280 to former Attorney General Christopher Adebayo Ojo $11,465,000 paid to former Senator Ikechukwu ObiorahForeignpolicy.com

We should all be mad. We were robbed, again and again.

Children like the one in this picture will haunt the conscience of the Malabu crowd & similar Grand Pillages.
— Oby Ezekwesili (@obyezeks)

The United Nations says the funds it needs to resolve the famine crisis currently brewing in Northern Nigeria is about 1.5 times the amount collected from the sale of OPL 245. About 5 million people face starvation. Nigeria currently has no oil refineries, and electricity generation is at an all-time low.

The case is still being investigated and it’s unclear which way it will spin for now. But hopefully, everyone involved gets the justice they deserve.

People Are Dragging The President’s Spokesman For Tweeting ‘Based On Logistics’

Shola — Mon, 10 Apr 2017 11:22:16 +0000

Everyone got a little high on excitement after Efe won the Big Brother Naija reality show

So Garba Shehu though it would be a nice idea to jump on Efe’s catch phrase ‘based on logistics’

Based on Logistics, PMB is committed to delivering on the 3 key areas that he promised (Tackling Corruption, fixing the Economy & Security).
— Garba Shehu (@GarShehu)

He was very wrong

People were here for him

https://twitter.com/DavidAkondu/status/851194227744804864

Logistics, logistics but things are still one kind

Based on logistics
The grass cutting SGF still has a job
Economy is still in recession
Boko Haram and Fulani herdsmen still killing people
— IKECHUKWU (@iykimo)

Everything is propaganda with these people

I think based on logistics, you guys should let Nigerians enjoy this moment devoid of propaganda. Make una pack well first
— Godwin Etim (@goddae)

No light but they won’t stop talking rubbish

Base on logistics, I have not had power supply for the past two days in my areas, and bills keep coming
— princess (@mmprincessmercy)

Somebody made Buhari’s score sheet

Based on logistics, our clueless Messiah will start feeling the heat from tomorrow

Buhari's Mid term report
Power: F9
Jobs: F9
Economy:F9
— IKECHUKWU (@iykimo)

We’re so here for this 2019 drama

https://twitter.com/ani_nomso/status/851190936491233282

When you have to take beating for your boss

— K (@Damocleansword)

What a betray

Politicians have come. They want to hijack this small thing we are using to distract ourselves
— Ogb (@OgbonnaJnr)

These people just use us to play

Lmao! Nigeria must be a joke to you people.
— Investor Folarin (@OfficialDJXO)

Garba Shehu and his boss are the real fake housemates

based on logistics you should start packing your things from AsoRock villa bcos you and ur boss are fake house mates
— Jacob (@Area_Jay)

This person is angry o

— Duke of Ilawe Ekiti (@TheOluwaferanmi)

But who sent him to talk?

— Apiam Duker Maina| #SARSMUSTEND (@Chimere_KiNg)

Wow!!!

https://twitter.com/Its_Nnanna/status/851210100366860288

People are not even taking this nonsense

— #ENDSARSNOW (@shecynder)

Someone advised him a little too late

https://twitter.com/NiyiPosh/status/851258673498214402

Efe Has Finally Won Big Brother And We Can All Rest Now

Shola — Mon, 10 Apr 2017 06:15:32 +0000

For all the people who missed the Big Brother finale last night, there was only one winner!

Efe won the prize money of N25 million as well as a brand new Kia Sorento.

Okay he wasn’t the only one who one. Bisola was the 1st runner up and also won a trip to New York to attend a United Nations event, courtesy of ONE Campaign

And Tboss, who came 3rd, won a N500,000 gift card from Pay Porte for winning most of the Arena Games

It’s all over and we can now rest!

Ladies and gentlemen, no more Lumapil commercial after today
— Oluwasola (@Shollazza)

Nigerians are wondering what we will be distracted with now

https://twitter.com/iNigerian_/status/851181634619625472

But first, we want to know if Efe will share this money with us

Because everybody said he’s razz but look at God

https://twitter.com/Teniwadess/status/851176766513303553

Now that the show is over, let’s all resume our wailing for Daddy Bubu

Yes, sir! We’ve not forgotten you!

The Royal Arts Academy Remixed Dino Melaye’s Song And It’s Hilarious AF

Shola — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 09:09:38 +0000

Remember how Dino Melaye clowned himself in a music video after his certificate scandal was cleared and resolved?

We told you guys about it .

People had to seize the opportunity to do the #Dinochallenge

. delivers our top entry. Top that!
— Anakle (@Anakle)

Nigerians don’t dissapoint

Nigerian woman parody of Senator Dino Melaye
— Sahara Reporters (@SaharaReporters)

Chanels TV spiced it up with subtitles

To understand the import of the Anthem,for those who do not understand the Yoruba language,we have helped with some subtitle.
— SeunOkin Channels tv (@seunokin)

Royal Arts Academy, one of Nigeria’s leading institutes for the creative arts just made the their own remix, and it’s lit!

Of course, people are loving it

Una no go kill me Nigerians
— J A M I L U (@wazirijamil)

Because Nigerians are too much

Lmao… I really watched it 13times b4 retweeting sef…dis pple r crazy…lolllllllll
— dinkieGirl (@dinkychic001)

Some only noticed their facial expressions

this face!
— KAYCEE GEORGE (@geokaycee)

But others are just tired

Am tired of Nigeria…….. Am going back to my village. Ilorin kwara
— phoenix (@DandelionBeebee)

This Governor Legit Thinks God Sent Us Meningitis Because ‘Fornication Is Rampant’

Shola — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 06:32:31 +0000

Nigeria is currently experiencing a terrible Cerebro Spinal Meningitis (CMS) outbreak, with about 328 people killed already. We told you about the signs and symptoms here.

But Abdulaziz Yari, the Zamfara State Governor, thinks the outbreak is upon us because we’re all sinners

Zamfara State is the worst hit and has the highest number of casualties. When he was questioned about this, he blamed God instead. Read the full story .

Apparently, this Governor has talked to God in a WhatsApp message and God has revealed the reason we’re suffering from CMS to him

You, when you realize most Nigerian politicians have low thinking capacity

Zamfara people, when they see their governor

Other saner governors be like:

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Health has said there’s no such thing and CMS is not spiritual

Meningitis is a medical emergency not spiritual. Report any sign to the nearest health facility. FMoH Advisory
— Federal Ministry of Health, NIGERIA (@Fmohnigeria)

Shola, Author at 91����!