A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

4:38 a.m. 

I鈥檓 fully awake, I鈥檝e taken a bath and I鈥檓 dressed in my all white. My roommates are beginning to let their guards down because it鈥檚 the last day. Why are they not awake by this time. They will blow the bugle now and they will start rushing. Anyways, let me go back to bed. It鈥檚 my last sleep inside this place. Let me enjoy it.

5:45 a.m. 

My first roommate wakes up and the noise he makes wakes me up. 5:45 a.m. and these people haven鈥檛 woken us up. Am I the only serious person in this camp? I ask what鈥檚 going on, and he tells me that they announced yesterday that we have all till 7 a.m. to prepare fully and move our boxes out of the rooms.

Oh, wow. Is this who I am now? So many questions come to my head:

1. Will I now be awake by 4 a.m. everyday?
2. Will I sing the national anthem and NYSC anthem everyday?
3. Will my new style of greeting people continue to be halting and saluting them like a soldier?
4. Will I drop everything I鈥檓 doing and freeze by 6 am and 6 pm because Nigerian is either waking up or going to bed?
5. Will I wear a waist pouch everywhere?
6. Will I only wear white clothes now?
7. Will the sound of trumpets make me angry?
8. Can I still walk normally, or will I 鈥渄ouble up鈥� everywhere I鈥檓 going?
   

7:12 a.m. 

We鈥檙e all out and taking pictures now. We鈥檝e packed our boxes out and finally locked the hostel. There鈥檚 so much joy in the air. I鈥檓 seeing smiles I鈥檝e never seen before. Omo.

7:45 a.m. 

I鈥檓 running towards OBS now. Last night, I was the one shouting that we must all be there by 7:15 for the group pictures, but let me not lie, I forgot. I get there and meet only a few people. They鈥檝e taken the pictures and most of the other people have left. So this is how when they ask if I was in OBS during my NYSC, I won鈥檛 be able to say yes with my chest because I didn鈥檛 take a group picture with OBS people. It鈥檚 paining my chest. 

10:45 a.m.

The marching has ended. The entire program has ended. This was much better than the swearing-in parade. The special guest of honour arrived much earlier than we thought they would so we skipped some part of the parade and just got into the thick of it. I stan a punctual special guest of honour. 

They鈥檝e told us bye-bye and just like that, camp has ended. We can go home. People are hugging and being very emotional. I haven鈥檛 seen anyone crying. But the hugs and goodbyes I鈥檓 seeing are like those of people who have known each other for years. 

I go back to OBS. That鈥檚 where all my own friends are. PPAs have come out. I got where I wanted. I can see tears and I want to laugh. Nobody wants to go to Gwagwalada. I think some people can see Gwagwalada on their PPA.

12:00 p.m. 

I鈥檓 in the Bolt cab going home. We鈥檙e speeding on these smooth and beautiful Abuja roads when suddenly the bonnet springs open and crashes into the windshield, shattering it and leaving glass droplets on us. It鈥檚 super scary but I鈥檓 thankful because it could have been much worse; the driver could have swerved to another lane or come to a sudden stop out of panic and then the accident would have involved more than just us. 

1:35 p.m. 

I get home to meet a welcome card and a spa reservation from the loml. Wahala for who single o. 

10:00 p.m. 

I鈥檓 feeling sleepy again. This is the fourth time I鈥檓 sleeping since I got home. There鈥檚 tired, and there鈥檚 tired. 

I am tired. 

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

8:48 a.m.

People are looking at me weird because I鈥檓 washing my hair. It鈥檚 just shampoo, leave-in conditioner, and moisturizer. My hair has horribly dried out and tangled in these couple of weeks and I鈥檓 beginning to feel like a mad person. I鈥檓 going out into the real world tomorrow, please. Let them not chase me from home.听

10:00听补.尘.

I鈥檓 in church. I came here to focus on God but because I鈥檓 in OBS, now I鈥檓 dealing with technical and sound issues. Wherever I walk, work meets me. Money, see your mate?

11:30 a.m. 

I鈥檓 going back to my hostel when I pass by a hostel. I laugh. This hostel must be full of Yoruba angels. I decide to walk a bit more so I can find more hostels that are perfectly fitting for Yoruba men

Because Yoruba men are committed till the end. Every allegation you hear is a lie.

Yoruba men are honest and full of integrity. They will never break your heart. Any objections?

12:00 p.m.

These people like lying. They said every Sunday is for rest until 4 p.m. but they鈥檙e chasing us out of the hostels because the Director General of NYSC is coming to speak to us. 

Every speech I鈥檝e heard in this place sounds like the same thing. It鈥檚 like 鈥淵es you can copy my assignment but don鈥檛 let it be the exact same thing.鈥� Sometimes, I predict what they鈥檙e going to say next. This man seems nice though. 

6:26 p.m.听

We鈥檝e just finished final parades along with some long addresses. I think we did great. I remember that we鈥檙e going to have to wear those orange combat boots tomorrow and my heart starts beating fast. Oh well, tomorrow will take care of itself. Let me rush to OBS. 

7:03 p.m. 

So this is why they were telling us to rush down to OBS. We call the coordinator of OBS 鈥淢ummy鈥� because she is such a great woman. She鈥檚 the perfect boss/mother combo. I will miss her. She bought chicken suya, beef suya and drinks for us and then we went round speaking about how nice it has been working at OBS. Someone is crying. This is giving me university ending vibes. Ugh. 

7:48 p.m.

I see the guy that got punished in my stead yesterday. I laugh as I pass him by. Maybe this is what movie villains feel like and that鈥檚 why they never stop being villains. 

Before they cancelled evening parades yesterday the military instructor asked if we enjoyed the carnival and what we wanted to make it better. From the crowd, I shouted 鈥淎lcohol!鈥� and he looked in our direction, fished him out and punished him for wanting alcohol. 

Good times. 

10:00听辫.尘.

I鈥檓 finally packing my box. People are asking me why. They should not even vex me this night. Did you people not get the memo that we鈥檙e leaving tomorrow????

In case you missed it:

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

6:30 a.m.

I don鈥檛 like all this nonsense. They said we should sleep all we want today but they are already blowing bugle. Does 6:30 sound like 鈥淪leeping all you want鈥�?

Anyways, I鈥檓 not even in my hostel. I鈥檓 preparing with the rest of my platoon for the carnival. If you see what other platoons are doing in their canopies, and then look at our canopy, you will just be pitying us. 

But never despise the days of little beginnings. 

9:53 a.m. 

Okay maybe our little beginning was just signs that we were not up for all this because all these things I鈥檓 seeing from other platoons as we proceed for the procession are bursting my head. These people obviously did not hear about all these things last night like we did. They are preparedddd!! I love to see it. 

12:47听辫.尘.

The 鈥渃arnival鈥� ends. It wasn鈥檛 fun. Maybe because my platoon didn鈥檛 win anything. But oh well, they said there鈥檚 bonfire at night. Maybe that one will be interesting. 

I see the camp commandant taking pictures with the shortest guy on camp. I join in the photos. Please, I鈥檓 short too. 

1:35 p.m.

My phone screen stops working. It just stops. It鈥檚 been acting up all day but now it鈥檚 just stopped. I know Dipo鈥檚 number so I call him with someone鈥檚 phone. I explain what鈥檚 happening and he says the screen is spoiled and I鈥檇 have to replace it. God, please. 

I take it to Nas. He says I don鈥檛 have to change it. Or at least he hopes so. He will help me bring it out and clean the panels. I really like Nas. 

4:39 p.m.

We鈥檙e cooking for the platoon. We鈥檙e all under a canopy talking and making noise. It鈥檚 fun, one of those things you miss when you leave. 

I see a chicken. No, not the one that chased me. There鈥檚 a face mask around it and it鈥檚 struggling. I want to take a picture, but my phone is still with Nas. But I pity it. It鈥檚 suffering. 

I keep talking about it and people keep telling me to forget about it, it鈥檒l be fine. 

The quiet girl beside me says 鈥淒o you want us to go and help?鈥� 

鈥渊别蝉鈥�

We spend the next 20 minutes chasing a chicken who thinks we鈥檙e here to kill it. Chickens are foolish. We finally catch it and help it get free. 

I wish someone recorded us. Somebody can use such a video to run for political post. 

鈥淗e cares about even the birds of the field. He will definitely care for your children. Nigeria, vote David Odunlami for president, 2031.鈥�

6:00 p.m.

Nas gives be my phone back. It鈥檚 working fine now. I thank him. He鈥檚 such a nice guy. I give it back to him to charge. I have to get a celebratory haircut. 

6:48 p.m.

Please, dear barber, stop showing me pictures of haircuts on your phone. Cut the one on my head. He鈥檚 been on a non-stop talking frenzy trying to impress me since I told him I lived in Lagos. I can鈥檛 blame him. Maybe I pronounced 鈥淟agos鈥� like somebody that has money and he鈥檚 trying to secure a customer. 

I don鈥檛 really like him though. He said because I鈥檓 from Lagos I probably do fraud because Lagos boys are fraudsters. Then he started glorifying fraud just to make me feel good. 

When he tried to confirm if he was right, and I told him he was wrong, he asked,

鈥淚s it your choice, or is it because your dad is a pastor?鈥�

鈥淚t鈥檚 because I鈥檓 a pastor鈥�

He was quiet for the rest of the haircut. 

He gives good haircuts though. 

8:53 p.m. 

The definition of bonfire has changed. It now means 鈥淧eople dancing in circles platoon by platoon with Man O鈥橶ar music playing in the background without any fire involved鈥�.

Oxford, please do well to update your dictionary.

In case you missed it:

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

9:13 a.m. 

I thought they said there was no SAED today. Now it鈥檚 SAED competition. These people will do anything to keep us in one place for a long time. 

I鈥檓 running in the opposite direction of where people are going when two soldiers stop me. One of them is the soldier who told me to play R. Kelly for him. Yesterday, with his phone in his hand, he helped me catch a ball that was going to hit some random stranger and then lied that it was the impact of the ball that cracked his phone screen and everyone playing had to pay for it. Me I knew he was joking, but the other guys were scared. 

After some time and some laughter, he let us go on the condition that I play the same song for him on OBS. No wahala. I like him. He lets me go. I think we鈥檙e friends now. 

I tell him that I played his song yesterday, but he says he didn鈥檛 hear it. Okay. I will play it again today. 

As I leave, the other soldier shouts at me to come back. 

鈥淪o you鈥檙e doing music requests, but you didn鈥檛 give me a shout-out yesterday that was my birthday.鈥�

鈥淎h… I didn鈥檛 know that.鈥�

鈥淕ood, now you know. Play me 鈥淭oe Toe鈥� by Tekno.鈥�

鈥淚 shall. And I shall give you a shout-out too.鈥� 

鈥淥kay, you can go.鈥�

10:36 a.m. 

I plug in my earphones to listen to the song he wants me to play on air. 

AH!

This man should go and tell whoever sent him that he didn鈥檛 meet me at home o. Because if I play this song on air, Buhari himself will come and shut down OBS. 

Please, I鈥檓 not doing. You will manage Sunny Neji鈥檚 鈥淗appy Birthday鈥� sir. Thanks. 

3:04 p.m. 

The loud talking in my room wakes me up and the first thing that comes to my mind is OBS. I鈥檝e probably missed a lot of shows. I came and slept immediately after SAED, and my phone was dead so nobody could reach me. 

As I鈥檓 dressing, I listen to some of the things being said. Some guy is talking about how now that we鈥檝e collected our alawee, girls will be telling guys to take them to Mami. It has already happened to him. 

Some other guy talks about how he can鈥檛 talk to women and that鈥檚 his biggest problem in life. He鈥檚 asking for advice. Some of the stuff he鈥檚 saying catches my attention, so I ask him if he would like to talk about it later. He says yes. 

7:00听辫.尘.

We鈥檙e done marching, it was great. Everyone loved it. I stayed a bit at OBS. Everyone judged me with their eyes. Jay judged me with his words. I like Jay. Me and the guy are about to have the talk. I ask him if I can write some of the stuff he says and use it for my article. 

鈥淲hy not?鈥�

鈥淎飞别蝉辞尘别.鈥�

We go ahead and have an interesting conversation.

鈥淭he last time I spoke with a woman freely, I was in primary 5. She was my classmate. I used to be one of those rough kids in primary school that got all the attention, and I noticed that this girl liked me. We started talking, sharing pens and stuff like that. I have strong memories of this because it鈥檚 the only period in my life where I was genuinely happy. My brother was friends with her older brother, so I used to go to her house as well. She was basically my girlfriend. 

She had a friend that hung out with us, so I told my friend to come and join our squad so that he鈥檇 鈥渄ate鈥� her and we鈥檇 be couple friends. 

Worst idea ever. 

He was much more interesting than I was, so whenever we were at their house, he would get all the attention. I became old news. It felt like I was now living in his shadow. I eventually stopped going and started writing letters to her. 

I changed schools in secondary school. My new school was a better school in a better environment than my old school. I like to think that maybe if I went to a school where I could easily blend in with my classmates, I would have had the chance to start talking to girls again, but the only people in my class were rich kids. I didn鈥檛 feel like I belonged or that I was good enough for their attention, so I withdrew further into a shell. 

I started doing research. I can鈥檛 remember the name of the books I read about talking to women when I was in SS2. It might sound weird that at 24, I鈥檓 saying that since primary school, I haven鈥檛 had a proper conversation with a woman, but it鈥檚 true. I鈥檇 only talk to women maybe when we were in a group assignment and a direct question was thrown at me and I had to say something.  

In uni, I was a teacher in the mosque. The head teacher. My assistant was a woman. I had to hire a personal assistant just to deliver messages to her. 

Here鈥檚 the twist: when it comes to texting, I have no problem. That鈥檚 why I could write letters as a kid. In the days of 2go, I was a legend. I鈥檇 text anyone textable. But calls or a face to face conversation? Never. Even now, on WhatsApp, I can text, but I cannot meet in real life. 

The text conversations never go beyond constant exchange of pleasantries and getting to know one another on the surface level. 

If you want to see me have a panic attack or just start running, tell a woman to approach me. I will bolt. I now have the ability to know when someone I鈥檓 walking with is about to stop and greet a woman that they know. I will stop 20 metres before we get there, make a u-turn and pass another place. My friends have tried several times to set up random meetings with women for me. I don鈥檛 think they do it out of love. They just want to laugh. 

I talk to my sisters, but I鈥檓 not even comfortable doing that. I remember one time when I was waiting outside my sister鈥檚 hostel in uni. I heard my name and turned. It was a girl. A childhood friend. I just turned and walked away. She eventually found my number and texted me. We were talking and it was great. That was the first time I was having proper conversations with a woman.

Things changed when she asked that we meet in person. I wasn鈥檛 about to do that, so I told her to block me because I couldn鈥檛 proceed with that. I think she understood. We still text now. 

When I ask people for advice, they say things like, 鈥淛ust do it!鈥� and 鈥淲omen don鈥檛 bite鈥�, but they don鈥檛 realise that at this point it鈥檚 running away when I see a woman is reflex. 

It鈥檚 painful for me because I鈥檓 super attracted to women. I see them and I want to talk to them and make physical contact with them. I want to be a normal guy. So it鈥檚 not like I鈥檓 not trying. 

In my spare time, I fantasize about women and write love poems. . 

I hear classes that could help me win these battles exist. If the books I鈥檝e read won鈥檛 work, maybe a class will. But then again, I hear that all these classes only give you ginger and confidence, nothing else. 

Maybe what I actually need is therapy.鈥�

10:55 p.m. 

My hands hurt from beating chairs as makeshift drums in practice for the inter-platoon competition at the carnival tomorrow. 

As I drift off to sleep, I can鈥檛 help but think about how this guy must feel not being able to talk to women. It makes me sad.听

In case you missed it:

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

Earlier this week, I sent out a tweet asking for corp members from other states who read NYSC Diary and would like to contribute their stories to send me a DM and they鈥檇 get to write the diary for one day. 

is a corp member in Dakin Gari, Kebbi state. 

Here鈥檚 her Day 14:

4:20 am

It’s not easy going to bed by 11pm and waking up by 3:40am but that’s why I have a personal alarm clock, Tope. People are still trooping to the bathroom but guess what? I’m about to sleep again. Wahala for who no get personal alarm. 

8:35 am

Nobody hummed when they played that Nigeria wake up song today, I almost burst out laughing but I didn’t want to sit on the floor. 

Who serves someone beans and pap when they’re supposed to go for a lecture? 

Wicked people no longer use bombs and guns, they now roam about in the kitchen! 

12:00 pm

One PRO North West something something lady came today. Omo you had to see protocols. Honestly, I didn’t see the need for her visit. Like you just came to gist us what we already know, it’s not fair now. The dance groups actually did well but one aunty with big head sat in front of me so I couldn鈥檛 enjoy it as much as I was meant to.

 And the girl that gave the vote of thanks was obviously her daughter because I don’t understand how she know she’s a loving mother. 

PS: We didn’t do SAED today.听

7:05 pm

I’ve not had a lot of time to myself between us preparing for the DG’s visit and me frolicking with boyfriends upandan. The DG is finally here and he’s giving a speech. I don鈥檛 know why, but I鈥檓 scared that one of the soldiers/bouncers will start shooting and the bullet will hit me because I’m at the front. 

The man sha gave us cow, One Fat Cow! Wahala for who no come life come chop meat. He also gave leader people money. Thank God I made friends with Abiodun, the dance troop leader, and Opeyemi, the parade commander.

We’re going to have to split the money somehow somehow. All my moral support and Strepsils can’t go to waste.

8:55 pm

My friend is participating in Big, Bold and Handsome that means I get to be a personal hanger, manager and PA. I’m walking around with his native wear and trying to cheer him up. Baba was initially scared but he answered his question correctly and the oil on my head is overflowing. I’m a good charm oh, ma fo . 

The Big Bold and Beautiful contestants pulled up and you had to hear the way people were shouting. 

Small asses matter too, you know.

In case you missed it:

听

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

6:06 a.m. 

The camp director is angry. People have offended and broken the rules. She鈥檚 listing out the offenses and calling out the culprits. One guy had five bottles of Erujeje. He鈥檇 been caught before with a few bottles and now he鈥檚 getting caught with more. He will be expelled. Poor guy. Getting expelled because of Erujeje. It鈥檚 funny to me. 

Another girl was sitting on the slab of  hand wash basin. 

Two people were romancing and caressing each other in public. She goes on a bender with this one about how we cannot control our urges for such a short period of time. 

鈥楿rges鈥� is such a weird word. 

They will face the camp court and whatever happens will happen. 

I鈥檓 praying for them. 

9:55 a.m. 

Today, we鈥檙e learning Igbo. They couldn鈥檛 get an Igbo coordinator, so a corp member taught us igbo. I don鈥檛 think he did a great job because right now the only Igbo phrase I know is 鈥榦tutuoma鈥�, and I already knew it before the lecture. 

1/10. Would not recommend. 

10:41 a.m. 

The woman speaking tells us that lectures officially end tomorrow and this is the loudest cheer I鈥檝e ever heard in this camp. I understand it. This thing is punishment. 

She then tells us that CBN, Bank of Industry and some other people would come tomorrow to tell us how to access money from our SAED skills and all of that. 

So basically, another set of lectures tomorrow. 

Women and their lies. 

2:16 p.m. 

I鈥檝e just finished another show at OBS. I could get used to this. In the past few days, I鈥檝e been doing the my job as a broadcaster so efficiently. Lowkey, I鈥檓 enjoying it. 

I鈥檓 go to the bole woman鈥檚 place and she鈥檚 not around. Her neighbor who sells Chicken and Chips is around. She sells for her. But as she鈥檚 approaching, she limps. I ask her what is wrong with her. 

鈥淢y brother, these people want to kill us.鈥�

鈥淢补?鈥�

鈥淭he workload is too much鈥�

Silence. 

I try to tell her sorry. Camp will soon end. She can rest. 

鈥淭hey need to let us have some assistance. But because of COVID, they won鈥檛 let us bring any apprentices in. Even my children are grown, they can assist me in this place. I鈥檓 an old woman. I have to do everything by myself; Cook, clean, wash up after, take orders from all of you, wake up early, go to the gate to pick up the items I鈥檓 trying to restock on. It鈥檚 hard. It doesn鈥檛 help that I鈥檓 the only one that sells what I sell here. Chicken and Chips, and Fish and Chips. 

I haven鈥檛 left here since I got here. They don鈥檛 let us go out because of COVID. I鈥檓 very surprised that I鈥檓 still alive and kicking. With the stress I鈥檓 going through, I expected my body to have given up by now. But I鈥檓 still here. 

If they don鈥檛 let us have assistance next time camp resumes which is next week, I鈥檓 not coming. I鈥檒l leave here and rest. I cannot kill myself because of money.鈥�

3:45 p.m. 

This is the time I鈥檝e been waiting for. This is the reason I came to camp. It鈥檚 time for my platoon鈥檚 Man O鈥橶ar drills. I鈥檓 the first to get there because I want to climb rope and show myself.

It goes really well. I do alllll the drills. I will not put the videos in the diary. I will just put a picture. Maybe I鈥檒l add a picture. 

4:35 p.m. 

The female corp members are finally out of the top secret meeting with the camp coordinator and we鈥檙e ready to march. I ask a few of them what they discussed and oh my God, the replies I got;听

鈥淲hat鈥檚 your business?鈥�

鈥淚f you want to know, be a woman in your next life.鈥�

Why so angry?

I ask one more person and apparently it was a 鈥淭hese men are useless and they will not marry you, so guard your hearts. They don鈥檛 have money and they don鈥檛 have sense, jazz up鈥� type conversation.  

Now I know why I got those responses. Ugh. 

Don鈥檛 worry, you鈥檒l all be fine. 

5:45 p.m. 

I overhear some guy talking about his experience in the camp court. I look and it鈥檚 someone I know. I couldn鈥檛 see earlier because it was dark. He鈥檚 the nicest guy on camp, no lies. 

鈥淪o why were you caressing and romancing a woman in public, my guy?鈥� I ask him. 

鈥淚 swear, I just hugged her. It was the simplest of hugs. It wasn鈥檛 even a long hug. It was just a simple, short hug. That鈥檚 how I got into trouble.鈥�

Eeish. 

Idea for toasting a babe: 鈥淵ou鈥檙e so hot, I can risk facing the camp court just to get a hug from you.鈥�

*blushes*

6:45 p.m. 

I鈥檓 joining my roommate to argue and make noise today. Today鈥檚 topic is 鈥淚s Buhari even really alive?鈥� I get irritated and leave the argument quickly. I don鈥檛 like arguing with people that bring emotions into argument, no matter what they believe. It makes the entire thing sound corny and stupid. 

8:28 p.m. 

I鈥檓 eating before they start the socials show for tonight. I see a girl beside me and so I ask her for her name. Mariam. She sounds Hausa, so I ask, 鈥淎re you Hausa?鈥� 

鈥淣o鈥�, she says. 鈥淚鈥檓 Kambari鈥�

鈥淲here鈥檚 that?鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 from Niger. My people originated from Borno but we鈥檝e settled in various places in Nigeria like Kebbi, Nassarawa and Niger. Our language is not Hausa, but whenever people see me, they just assume I鈥檓 Hausa. Like you did. I don鈥檛 get offended by it though, I鈥檓 just quick to tell them about my people and where I鈥檓 from. 

Here鈥檚 a fun fact: A huge number of Kambari people in the most remote places in Nigeria still don鈥檛 wear clothes. Many times, they鈥檙e naked. Other times, they wear animal skin.听

You should read about us.鈥�

10:32 p.m. 

The 鈥淏ig, Bold and Beautiful鈥�, and 鈥淪lim, Tall and Handsome鈥� contest was great. One platoon won the two categories. It was not my platoon. That鈥檚 bad. 

Tomorrow is the Mr. Macho contest. I just might take matters into my own hands and go for this thing. 

After today鈥檚 Man O鈥橶ar drills, I should be able to win Mr. Macho, don鈥檛 you think?

In case you missed it:

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

2:49 a.m. 

I wake up and I know instantly. I鈥檓 sick. Okay, maybe 鈥渟ick鈥� is a tad dramatic. I have phlegm and it won鈥檛 stop until I use some medication. It happens to me every year during harmattan and it鈥檚 usually very frustrating. Ugh, now I will be spitting all day. Iyama. 

6:36 a.m. 

All I鈥檓 feeling is regret. Who told me to be good at this marching thing? They鈥檝e flung out about 70% of the entire camp from marching, but I remain. Me and a few others. We鈥檙e the chosen ones for the Passing Out Parade and apparently it鈥檚 a really big event so the soldiers are making sure we do everything perfectly. There鈥檚 so, so many instructions and formations. All my body is paining me. The people that are not marching are laughing at us. I want to laugh at people too, please.听

10:55 a.m. 

This is my turn to laugh at people. We鈥檙e doing Yoruba lectures at SAED and oh my God these non-Yoruba people don鈥檛 know Yoruba. How can you be pronouncing Yoruba words like that? 

The woman teaching calls out my roommate who is Hausa to recount one to ten in Yoruba and he totally destroys it. Very good. Now I have stuff to laugh about when we get to the room. 

1:32 p.m. 

We鈥檙e doing SAED training. I鈥檓 learning so much about catfish farming. I tried to do it earlier this year but it didn鈥檛 work. The man teaching us does a good job making us interested in farming.

Someone talks about how the dignitary came yesterday didn鈥檛 give us money. 

鈥淲ait, he shared money?鈥�

Yes. He shared money. He was doling out bundles of cash to other groups but he came to advise us. He gave one group N100k and they shared it N2k each. But he gave us advice. 

What a way to encourage young farmers. I鈥檓 upset. 

2:44 p.m. 

I have taken a few pictures of people鈥檚 rubber shoes. Can you guess which shoes they鈥檙e impersonating? 

4:30 p.m. 

I鈥檓 proper tired now. My head is jammed with tiredness. My body hurts as hell but we have to keep marching. I鈥檓 tired. I want to scream. As we march, they tell us to be close to one another. There鈥檚 a lot of pushing. I鈥檓 marching in between two big bodied people. Every time I make contact with them, I almost fall because the impact is bad. I will keep marching, but when I leave this camp, I must eat well. 

7:19 p.m. 

I am in the clinic. I need meds for my phlegm. I cannot come and kill myself. The doctors are nice. We鈥檙e gisting. No wonder people are always in the clinic. It seems like a nice place to be. 

8:15 p.m.

I call my dad and tell him I鈥檓 tired. He says I should stop saying that. 

鈥淚f you were at war, would you be tired?鈥�

Daddy please, we鈥檙e not at war. I鈥檓 tired. I want to go home.听

In case you missed it:

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

9:42 a.m. 

This is the first time today I don鈥檛 feel like a robot. They鈥檙e teaching us Hausa at SAED. I鈥檓 really interested in learning Hausa. I bring out my phone and continue taking notes. I speak something I think I鈥檝e learned to a Hausa speaking person sitting beside me and he just fully bursts into laughter. 

I鈥檝e marked his face. 

One day, when I鈥檝e perfected my Hausa, I will find him and speak it to him so much that he will genuinely apologise for laughing at me ten years ago. 

2:42 p.m. 

As usual, I am woken up because my roommates are making noise. I join them in their conversation. We鈥檙e talking about traffic when one of them starts complaining that sometimes Abuja traffic is bad. That he remembers one time when he spent one hour and thirty minutes in traffic and he wanted to lose his mind. 

Ha ha ha. One hour thirty minutes in Lagos is the time you use to drive out of your street sir. Please let it go. 

4:00 p.m.

I HAVE COLLECTED MY N3200. Mami Market, meet David Odunlami. I already have a list of some of the stuff I want to buy but let me not lie, it鈥檚 actually just N3200. Because of my experience in Mami Market, I already know some of the things I cannot buy because the money will finish before I can mention 

1. Noodles: A plate of three strands of noodles and small fried egg is N500. Noodles that I can go and loot from palliative warehouse? No, thanks. 

2. Soda: Every bottle of soda here is sold at twice the price. I have kuku now taken a liking to kunu. Healthy living as I save my money.

3. Fruits: The guy selling fruits here doesn鈥檛 know that we have only seven days left and that on the seventh day, we will leave and he will remain here with his fruits. The wicked cannot rule forever. 

4. Fried eggs: How can two fried eggs be N300. POLICE!

5. Face masks: You know that surgical face mask? Here it鈥檚 N200. Why?

6. Slim fitting: Slim fitting that is N200 outside camp? Please hold your N1500 as you鈥檙e going to slim fit your clothes, thanks.

Maybe I will just buy chicken suya and eat it with french fries. 

7. Water

8:23 p.m.

I was on my own, arranging gadgets for the talent show when these people came to tell me I was the DJ for the night. Now I鈥檓 sitting on the stage, getting overwhelmed my people鈥檚 requests. I鈥檓 definitely playing more recent music than any other DJ has. People have been complaining. Today, they鈥檙e not. They鈥檙e vibing. They鈥檙e telling me I鈥檓

doing a great job. They think it鈥檚 me. They don鈥檛 know that I鈥檓 just using a playlist I found on Deezer. 

Haq Haq Haq. 

10:24 p.m.

I just finished eating dinner. N500 suya and garri. Maybe tomorrow is the day I will shut down Mami. Today, I sleep.

In case you missed it:

NYSC Diary Day 10 鈥� A Mother Hen Showed Me Pepper

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

6:00 a.m. 

My alarm wakes me up and I get up and out of my bed. I need to be at OBS by 6:30 a.m. Who sent me work. I joined OBS to avoid marching and working, yet all I do in this place is march and work. I see my roommates and they鈥檙e all deep in sleep. It鈥檚 as if I should bring out a speaker and start playing heavy metal rock. When I鈥檓 sleeping, they will be arguing about meat. Now they are sleeping. There should be no peace for the wicked. I dress as noisily as I can. Somebody must wake up. Nobody does.听

6:32 a.m. 

Now I鈥檓 changing out of my mufti to wear my prisoner white on white. Today is Sunday, I鈥檓 meant to be able to wear normal clothes until 2:00pm, but I鈥檝e just received a call to remind me that my platoon is on camp duty. It means that today, I鈥檇 have to either do camp sanitation, help in the kitchen, or do security duties. No more OBS. 

As I step out, I hear a sound beside me. I look down and I see that same chicken that attacked that woman last night charging towards me. Omo. I just begin to run like it鈥檚 two mad people and three lions holding guns that are chasing me. My phone falls out of my pocket and onto the ground. I look back. The chicken is still chasing me. How can you leave your children behind and be chasing me. Are you mad? At this point, I鈥檝e run almost 30 meters (I measured it afterwards) and she鈥檚 still chasing me, looking angry as hell. I swear I didn鈥檛 do anything. I come to a sudden halt. My pouch is open and I spot my lip balm so I bring it out and try to stone her. She stops, looks at me for a few seconds and goes back to meet her chicks. I follow at a safe distance to pick my phone. The screen is a bit cracked. I look around. Nobody witnessed the events that took place. 

In fact, what events? What chicken? 

We move. 

7:00 a.m. 

They鈥檝e just told us to choose where we want to work. I chose security. I chose security because nobody else was choosing it and I wanted to end the awkwardness, besides who will protect the people? 

Now they鈥檝e given us red armbands and the DSP is telling us about our roles and duties and he鈥檚 basically saying that now that we鈥檝e chosen security, we are part of security forever so even if we see anything wrong on other days, we should call him and snitch. 

Me I should snitch. Emi Don Corleone. 

Never. 

10:00

I鈥檓 considering calling my sister and asking if I was adopted. See how people are bringing food for their siblings and children as if food is finishing in the world and they have to quickly eat. The things I鈥檝e seen at this security post. One girl even stopped to give us drinks and puff puff and buns while complaining that the food they brought for her was too much. Another girl gave us some expensive rich people鈥檚 chocolates. 

Security work isn鈥檛 so hard especially in a place with military strong protection from the outside. All we鈥檙e doing is checking people鈥檚 temperatures and making sure people wear face masks. When you throw in the occasional free food and the joys of bossing people around and creating a barricade between them and their loved ones (They鈥檙e not allowed near the gate. We search and then deliver whatever anyone brings for them), it鈥檚 actually a great job. 

2:00pm

I鈥檓 going to grab a drink. The weather is hot. I see my assailant casually hanging around. She鈥檚 eating with her kids. Nobody is walking with me so I decide to take a longer route. I鈥檓 not getting younger. There鈥檚 no point taking chances with my heart.

3:17 p.m. 

It鈥檚 getting boring now. I move closer to the policeman and we start gisting. Obviously I move the conversation towards #EndSARS to know what he thinks. It鈥檚 either he鈥檚 a really great guy, or he鈥檚 afraid of me, because he鈥檚 giving me FK Abudu vibes. He鈥檚 spitting facts and he鈥檚 super happy that the protests happened. He says he hopes it keeps progressing from #EndSARS to #EndBadGovernance. 

I like him. 

7:30 p.m.

Today is the first time that there鈥檚 no social activity. I go to see my OBS Platoon 6 Hausa Teacher friend. She鈥檚 been admitted to the clinic. She was sick but she鈥檚 better now. She鈥檚 playing the guitar and singing and everyone is loving it so I tell her to teach me a few tricks. She does and I get it quickly. People are impressed. 

I鈥檓 leaving NYSC camp as a certified musician and security personnel. My price has gone up. 

9:30 p.m.

I鈥檓 fetching water outside when I look up on the roof of the building beside me. I see a few chickens. ON THE ROOF OF A HOUSE. HOW DID THEY GET THERE?

This is all the proof I need that the chickens here are all cultists. 

So yes, in the morning, I wasn鈥檛 running from a chicken. I was running from the powers of darkness. It all makes sense now. 

[donation]

A new NYSC batch has been called in for camp. So, everyday by 1:30PM for the next 21 days, one of our writers will be sharing his day-to-day camp experiences.

5:45 a.m. 

I鈥檝e just finished leading the entire camp in prayers. Pastor David. As I鈥檓 walking back to my platoon, the woman who addresses us every morning calls me back.  I go to meet her. 

鈥淣ice prayers,鈥� she says. 鈥淕od will give you more strength.鈥� I鈥檓 smiling. I say amen. 

鈥淏耻迟…鈥�

Hay God!

鈥淵ou were saying a lot of ‘uhm’. How can you be saying ‘uhm’ while praying. Everyone will just think you鈥檙e unserious. Learn to pray without saying ‘uhm’.鈥�

I tell her thank you and I leave. She鈥檚 nice. I will stop saying ‘uhm’ when I鈥檓 praying. 

2:14 p.m. 

It鈥檚 a mostly uneventful day, so I go to get lunch. Bole and pomo. It used to be bole and fish, but please, fish is expensive. Me and the woman are gisting. We鈥檙e friends now. She starts talking about her life so I ask her if I can record her and write some stuff. 

Here鈥檚 some stuff I found interesting:

鈥淚 came to Abuja from Benue in 2000. My dad died when I was four, so I came听 to live with my aunt. She put me through to get my O-Levels before she passed away. In 2008, a friend found out about selling food in Mami Market and told me to try it out. I wasn鈥檛 interested, but somehow, she convinced me, so I came here, registered and started business.听

It was terrible. There were already about five women here selling fish, and I started with low capital, so when they would be roasting a lot of fish, I would have only three on my pan. Nobody bought from me. The corp members would come out and troop to all those other women and nobody would buy from me. I was getting depressed. 

I鈥檓 Catholic, so I decided pray about the situation. I did a novena (prayer and fasting for nine days). On the ninth day, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He told me that instead of roasting only three pieces of fish, I should buy a whole carton and roast it all at once. I didn鈥檛 even consider disobeying once. I just did it. The first time I did it, I sold out in minutes. And that鈥檚 how business success started for me. 

In the next few years, I transitioned between roasting fish and selling drinks. We used to sell alcohol on this camp until a few years ago when we got a new administration. After about three years, I started selling actual food. My restaurant is called 鈥淲inners鈥�. I鈥檓 not selling food this time because of COVID. The administration only wanted a few food sellers so I decided not to do food. In fact, this is my first time of selling bole. 

I鈥檒l be honest, I really don鈥檛 like the the roasting job. The heat is unreal. Even when you鈥檙e asleep, after a long day and a bath, you can still feel the heat inside you. And there鈥檚 no getting used to it, you feel the same thing everyday. I can鈥檛 wait for COVID to go away so I can get back to selling my food. I鈥檓 tired of selling bole.鈥�

9:00 p.m. 

I鈥檝e always said it. The chickens in this place are not normal. They are angry. This chicken with new chicks just started chasing this woman unprovoked. She had to drop her bags and run. Lowkey, I鈥檓 a terrible person because I couldn鈥檛 control my laughter. The chicken stopped chasing the woman when I brought out my phone to record though. 

Another opportunity to have a viral video on the internet, gone.

In case you missed it: