Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Roseline, and I have been dating for seven months.

How did you meet?

We met at a house party and sleepover last year. I typically avoid settings like that because I鈥檓 an ambivert. While I love partying and having a good time, I get sick of it when I have to stay for too long. So, I almost didn’t attend, but the host was a close friend I hadn鈥檛 hung out with in forever.

At some point during the night, I got tired and went to hide in the bar at one corner of the room. That鈥檚 where I met Roseline. I鈥檇 seen her in the apartment earlier, but we hadn鈥檛 said anything to each other. She was the only other person at the bar, so we started a conversation. 

We talked for hours about everything from music to movies, and stayed up after most people had crashed. We鈥檇 make out, stop to talk some more and then make out again. It was an intense connection. So intense that I didn鈥檛 even mind that she lived in Ibadan. We started dating almost immediately after.

I鈥檓 screaming. Why did you say Ibadan like that?

I don鈥檛 have anything against the city. I just wasn鈥檛 the biggest fan of long-distance relationships. I鈥檓 always the first to discourage anyone who tells me they鈥檝e found love with someone in a different city. 

Maybe it鈥檚 because women have broken my heart a few times, but I think it鈥檚 already difficult to manage a relationship with someone you see daily, let alone someone several kilometres away.

However, I completely forgot my own no-long-distance-love rule when Roseline came into the picture. I kept telling myself, 鈥淪hebi it鈥檚 Ibadan here, we鈥檒l run it.鈥�

So, how have you guys been 鈥渞unning it鈥�?

In the first few months, we travelled to see each other every weekend. Roseline did most of the travelling because she runs an online business and has a more flexible schedule. Whether I was travelling to Ibadan or she was coming to see me, I handled all the expenses from transportation to accommodation and feeding. 

I share a room-and-parlour apartment with a friend, and Roseline is often uncomfortable with company and says she can鈥檛 be free around my friend. So, whenever she visits, we stay in a hotel for two nights. This also applies when I visit Ibadan. She lives with her sister, so I pay for hotels there too. Then I still have to consider food and dates, because 鈥渨e can鈥檛 just stay indoors all through.鈥�

Yikes. Sounds like you spend a tidy amount on each trip

I spend at least 鈧�150k on each visit. Notice how I said, 鈥淚n the first few months鈥� earlier? About four months into our relationship, I realised how crazy it was that I was spending so much and reduced the trips to once a month, which is still expensive.

I鈥檓 honestly not sure what even possessed me to start this whole travelling-and-staying-in-hotels business. I think I was in the love-struck phase and was eager to do anything to please my babe. Also, around the time we started dating, I made 鈧�3m from a consulting gig and felt rich. Maybe that鈥檚 why I lost my senses for a bit and was spending anyhow. 

Hmmm. Where鈥檚 that 鈧�3m now?

Omo. I can鈥檛 pinpoint one reasonable thing that I used that money for. After withdrawing 鈧�700k from it to replace my iPhone and buy a few clothes, the money just gradually disappeared. 

I know a chunk of it went to funding the Lagos-Ibadan trips and the 鈥渘ew relationship鈥� high. I also bought Roseline a 鈧�140k wig and sent her money a few times. I don鈥檛 even want to think about that money because I was incredibly foolish with it. It was my first million, so to speak, and I thought it would last forever. It didn鈥檛 last four months.

罢丑别听听is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.听Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.听.

You mentioned you and Roseline only see each other once a month now. Did that take some getting used to?

We鈥檙e still getting used to it. Roseline hasn鈥檛 been a big fan of the new arrangement. I fear I introduced her to a lifestyle I can no longer maintain. 

She somehow interprets my reluctance to fund trips as 鈥渘ot wanting her to come over.鈥� The last two times she visited, I insisted we stay in my apartment with my roommate, and she was in a bad mood the whole time. It was as if I knew she didn鈥檛 like a situation, and I was forcing her to be in it.

She鈥檚 said she won鈥檛 visit if we don鈥檛 stay at a hotel. I鈥檓 lowkey fine with that, but every two to three days, she’ll be like, 鈥淪o you aren鈥檛 missing me, abi?鈥� 

Does she know the change is because of money?

I tell her all the time, but I don鈥檛 think she believes me. I think she just assumes I have money somewhere, and I鈥檓 deciding not to spend it on her. 

If she鈥檚 not complaining about us not seeing, she’s complaining that it鈥檚 been a while since I gave her money or bought her anything.

What kind of money conversations do you both have?

We don鈥檛 really talk about money like that, except when she鈥檚 asking me for it, or I鈥檓 telling her I don鈥檛 have. Our relationship is still in its early stages, so we haven鈥檛 gotten to the point where we talk about our income and finances yet. I honestly think that鈥檚 a conversation reserved for people who have been together for a year or two. 

I know not everyone will agree with that, but I think it鈥檚 a bit weird to start asking each other, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 your salary?鈥� or 鈥淗ow much does your business bring in monthly?鈥� I think money conversations like that should happen organically, and we just haven鈥檛 gotten there yet.

Now that I think about it, I think not knowing might be the reason for Roseline鈥檚 expectations. I work for a 鈥渂ig鈥� company, so maybe she thinks I鈥檓 making serious money. It also doesn鈥檛 help that I was spending like a fool when we met. Maybe I鈥檒l tell her one of these days that I only earn 鈧�600k. She should calm down with the billing.

What do your relationship expenses look like these days?

It鈥檚 very minimal. The last two times she visited, we only stayed indoors, watched movies and ordered food. I know she鈥檒l most likely want a more exciting date when we see each other again, but I鈥檓 trying to push that forward as much as possible.

Right now, the most I do is send her random 鈧�10k for data once or twice a month, or pay for her Chowdeck order like once a week.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I save 鈧�100k monthly. Most of that goes to rent, and I leave the remaining in my savings app. Right now, I have 鈧�500k in my savings, which is crazy given that I was technically a millionaire last year. 

I know Roseline also uses a savings app, but I鈥檓 not sure how much she saves or how much she has. I鈥檇 say we both tend to spend first and save later. We like to have a good time, so it鈥檚 really hard 鈥� at least for me 鈥� to deprive myself just because I want to be able to say I have some money somewhere. But I鈥檒l keep trying my best to be more financially responsible.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Roseline?

One where we both earn enough to travel around the world comfortably without having to consider selling a kidney.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Fear Marrying Her Would Make Me Her Family鈥檚 Breadwinner

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Nimi, and I have been together for two years.

How did you both meet?

We met at a wedding in 2024. I was the MC, and she worked as one of the caterers鈥� assistants. Towards the end of the reception, a vehicle hit the caterer鈥檚 bus, damaging some utensils, leading to a commotion in the parking area.

I tried my best to calm the affected people because the situation was affecting the party, but they were just shouting. It was chaotic. Nimi was one of the more level-headed people. I noticed how maturely she spoke and suggested solutions. 

After the wahala settled, I struck up a conversation with her. We exchanged numbers, and by the next day, we were dating.

Just like that?

I can be very direct when I want to be. I just told her I liked her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. 

Nimi was like, 鈥淎han, calm down. You don鈥檛 even know me.鈥�

I said, 鈥淲e can be knowing each other inside the relationship.鈥�

I must鈥檝e been persuasive, because she accepted. Now that I think about it, it was such an impulsive move. I guess I was just tired of all the rules around relationships. I鈥檝e done everything, from long talking stages to forming friendships first before coming clean, yet all the relationships ended in heartbreak. I just wanted to try something different. Nimi was down, and that鈥檚 how we started.

We started dating 鈥渙ver the phone鈥�, and I cooked for her during our indoor date the following weekend to officially kickstart the relationship. She often jokes that tasting my cooking was the final sign she needed to be sure she鈥檇 made the right decision.

Haha. That鈥檚 sweet. Was it easy dating someone you barely knew, though?

We had what I鈥檇 call 鈥済rowing pains鈥� in our first year. We were two people with different personalities trying to be together. Nimi is an introvert, while I鈥檓 an extrovert. She likes that I鈥檓 outgoing, but she started to have issues with the number of female friends I have. To be fair, I have a lot. 

Nimi and I could be hanging out at my place, and one of my female friends would just knock on my door and enter. Or another would call me and want to talk for hours. I didn鈥檛 see any problem with it, so when Nimi started complaining, I thought she was overreacting. We had a lot of arguments and even broke up for a week before I received sense and begged that I鈥檇 change.

We also clashed over our spending decisions, particularly Nimi鈥檚 spending. Nimi is the hardest-working woman I鈥檝e met. She does everything from event catering to makeup and mobile photography. She鈥檚 an actual jack of all trades, but you never see the impact of the money she makes. She鈥檚 the firstborn and would rather spend all her money on her widowed mum and siblings before buying underwear for herself.

Hmmm. I鈥檓 assuming you had a problem with that

Oh yes. I didn鈥檛 understand why she couldn鈥檛 say no to requests or only help once in a while. In our first year, I constantly brought it up, and we argued a lot. She argued that I didn鈥檛 understand the responsibility, and I kept saying I didn鈥檛 even want to understand. 

At some point, she said I was complaining because I thought she鈥檇 start asking me for money once she was broke. We had a lot of bitter arguments in that line, with Nimi saying she鈥檇 never ask me for money, so I didn鈥檛 need to bother. 

I learned to back off and present my concerns more sensitively. I鈥檝e noticed she鈥檚 more receptive to feedback when I don鈥檛 come off like I鈥檓 attacking her choices. So, I approach the topic of how much she gives her family by first empathising and suggesting better ways to handle the responsibility. And there have been improvements. Now, she tries to stick to sending them a set amount of money each month rather than just whenever they ask. She also saves more these days.

It still hasn鈥檛 completely solved the 鈥渇amily expectations鈥� problem, though. They still call for help. Recently, it鈥檚 become an even bigger problem for me.

How so?

Nimi and I are planning to get married by the end of the year or early next year. So, we鈥檝e met each other鈥檚 families. The problem is, Nimi鈥檚 family seems to have decided I can also be an ATM.

It started with her younger sister asking me for a birthday gift. She reached out to me on WhatsApp and was like, 鈥淏ro Lekan, my birthday is on so-so date. Buy me a gift o.鈥� I didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal, so I promised to buy her one. Later, she asked me to monetise it instead. So, I sent her 鈧�20k. 

This was in December 2025. Some days later, her younger brother asked me to do Christmas for him, and I sent him 鈧�10k. When I visited their mum for the New Year, she complained about her damaged phone charger, so I bought her a new one. 

Since then, it鈥檚 like I opened the floodgates of requests. At least once a month, Nimi鈥檚 siblings or mum would call me to complain about something, and I鈥檇 feel like I had to send money.

罢丑别听听is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.听Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.听.

Does Nimi know about this?

Not at first. But when I noticed the pattern her family was bringing, I complained to her about it. This was around March. She wasn鈥檛 happy about it and warned them to stop, but just a few weeks ago, her brother still called to ask for a loan.

I鈥檓 concerned that this will be a regular occurrence after we get married. So far, Nimi has been practically independent and handles most of her financial responsibilities herself, but it won鈥檛 remain the same after we marry. I鈥檒l have to handle most of the bills and take care of her. I鈥檓 worried that 鈥渢aking care of her鈥� will extend to her family, too.

Of course, it鈥檚 not bad to support your spouse鈥檚 family, but Nimi鈥檚 family is extra demanding. I don鈥檛 want a situation where I鈥檓 working just to feed someone, or some family members will be sitting one place, feeling entitled to my money.

Hmmm

It鈥檚 a major concern for me. I haven鈥檛 really talked to Nimi about this because I know how she鈥檇 react. She鈥檇 most likely take it the wrong way and say something like, 鈥淚 will support them myself. We won鈥檛 ask for your money.鈥� But it鈥檚 not that simple. 

In marriage, both partners should be one in every aspect, including financially. I believe both partners should pool resources to run the home. It can鈥檛 be a case of, 鈥淭his is my money. I鈥檒l spend it however I like.鈥� We should both discuss and decide on how we鈥檙e spending. 

For instance, if I鈥檓 bringing more money, I won鈥檛 say I鈥檒l spend it all on myself. If my wife has a need, she can just take it. I wouldn鈥檛 be comfortable if she鈥檚 spending like that on her family, or if she wants to keep her own income separate so she can spend it on them.

Nimi says she agrees with the idea of pooling resources, but I get the sense it鈥檒l be an issue for her. She鈥檚 quite independent and will most likely push back if I try to determine how much she supports her family. Also, if she鈥檚 broke and her family has a need, she鈥檒l turn to her husband for help. Will I say I can鈥檛 give her family money, even though I don鈥檛 actually want to? I don鈥檛 want to become their breadwinner.

It seems you both have non-negotiables to work through

I guess so. Sometimes I think that couples don鈥檛 need to be 100% compatible to get married. I mean, husbands and wives will always disagree. We don鈥檛 need to think the same way about everything.

On the other hand, I wonder if this money issue isn鈥檛 a fundamental problem to pay more attention to. I still intend to address this, though. I鈥檓 eager to read what people think about our situation, and if they have any advice I can use.

Let’s talk about what spending on stuff like dates and gifts looks like in your relationship

I love giving gifts. Whenever I鈥檓 out and see anything Nimi might like, I buy it for her. She never buys anything for herself. I also cook for her regularly because she doesn鈥檛 like to cook. I consider it my way of taking care of her.

Nimi also does gifts, but it鈥檚 mostly during special occasions like birthdays. But she does help me out with money. We both don鈥檛 work salaried jobs, so we understand how our incomes can fluctuate. If I鈥檓 broke today, I know I can just call and ask her to lend me money. She has my back.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

Yes, we both have savings. I鈥檓 not sure how much she has, but I encourage her to save between 鈧�50k and 鈧�100k each month. I myself like to save 30% of whatever I make. Sometimes, that鈥檚 around 鈧�100k monthly. I currently have about 鈧�800k in my savings, but that鈥檒l drop to half in a few days because I have to pay rent.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you鈥檇 like for you and Nimi?

I鈥檝e been dreaming about us jointly owning a successful event production company. We can do it. We have the skill and experience; it鈥檚 just the money that’s left. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听 I Can鈥檛 Marry Him Because He鈥檚 Too Comfortable Being Broke

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Akin and I started dating in July 2025, so it鈥檚 almost a year.

How did you and Akin meet?

We met at my birthday dinner. Some of my closest friends organised a surprise celebration for me, but the person who was supposed to bring the cake and drinks had an emergency and couldn鈥檛 make it. So, he got Akin to deliver them instead. 

Before Akin arrived, the energy had already dipped. Imagine a birthday with no cake or drinks. However, Akin鈥檚 infectious energy lit up the room in no time. Akin has a way with people. You can鈥檛 be near him and not laugh. I had such a good time and laughed so much; I didn鈥檛 even know when I gave him my number.

I鈥檓 screaming

We were in a talking stage for about three weeks. It was that long because every time he tried to set up a date, something came up. I was either busy with work or had an event to go to. He didn鈥檛 want to officially ask me out over the phone, so we kept postponing the date. 

We eventually went on a picnic, and that鈥檚 when we became official. To be honest, I wasn鈥檛 really feeling the picnic vibe. I don鈥檛 like heat or insects, so outdoor dates aren鈥檛 really my thing. But again, Akin has a way of making you drop your concerns and go with the flow. 

I鈥檝e been going with the flow since then. I don鈥檛 always love it, but we move.

Wait. Tell me more. What don鈥檛 you love?

Hmm. Akin can be overly carefree. Or maybe it鈥檚 because I鈥檓 very organised. I like to have plans, backup plans and even more backups if the first couple of plans don鈥檛 work out. Akin is nothing like that. Ask him what he plans to do tomorrow, and he鈥檒l be like, 鈥淒o I even know if I鈥檒l wake up tomorrow?鈥� 

Sometimes it鈥檚 endearing how he never takes life too seriously and does not let things weigh him down. However, most times, his personality triggers my anxiety. Like, how don鈥檛 you have a plan for anything? He thinks I鈥檓 too serious. I don鈥檛 think he鈥檚 serious enough. Even worse, his personality seeps into how he handles his career and finances. 

How so?

We鈥檙e both freelancers 鈥� he鈥檚 a web developer, and I鈥檓 a writer 鈥� but my income is more stable than his. I make around 鈧�800k – 鈧�1m monthly, and I鈥檓 constantly looking for new clients and pitching people. Akin is content with referrals or with someone miraculously stumbling on his portfolio. 

It doesn鈥檛 make sense to me. You鈥檙e a tech bro and should be making more money than I do. How are you content with averaging 鈧�500k in a month and often getting broke? This question makes up almost every conversation we have about money. I鈥檓 not even sure I can call them conversations; they鈥檙e mostly me complaining. 

If I鈥檓 not complaining about his lackadaisical attitude to making money, it鈥檚 about how he spends without planning for a rainy day. I think he has a thing against saving. If I manage to convince him to save for two months. By the third month, he鈥檒l say something came up, and he had to spend the money. It gets frustrating trying to get him to be organised.

Does this lead to conflicts?

Not really. He鈥檚 very carefree, so he never takes offence. If anything, it鈥檚 me who gets worked up after complaining. Then he鈥檇 tease me, make me laugh, and we’d move on to something else.

This whole routine was cute for a while, but I鈥檓 getting older, so I have to think more deeply about things. I鈥檓 28, and I want to get married by 30. Maybe even before then. While I love and care about Akin, I don鈥檛 think I can marry him 鈥� not while he鈥檚 still at this financial level. 

I can鈥檛 marry someone who earns less than me, and worse, less than 鈧�1m/month. I mean, look at how Nigeria is going. What kind of life would we live? I also can鈥檛 hope that Akin鈥檚 finances will improve, because his attitude doesn鈥檛 reassure me. I鈥檝e been thinking about this for the last few weeks, and that鈥檚 the conclusion I鈥檝e come to. He鈥檚 a good guy, but he鈥檚 not my future.

Does he know about your concerns and the 鈥渕arriage by 30鈥� timeline?

I don鈥檛 want to tell him, so he doesn鈥檛 start subconsciously pretending to be the man I want, and then return to his old, comfortable self once we get married. The only signs I鈥檝e been giving him are my complaints about his career and financial trajectory. 

If he keeps ignoring the hints, I鈥檒l have no choice but to pack my bags when the time comes. I鈥檓 still here because he鈥檚 good to me. If someone comes into the picture and ticks all my boxes, I鈥檓 sorry, I鈥檒l have to leave. I need to put my future first.

Interesting. Since you鈥檙e still together, what does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

We aren鈥檛 that big on gifts, but whenever we can, we go on dates. Akin has a constantly expanding list of places he wants us to visit in Lagos, so we end up doing a lot of outdoor dates. Not exactly my style, but I indulge him. Akin pays for all date expenses. 

Do you have a financial safety net?

I do, but Akin doesn鈥檛. I have 鈧�2.2m in investments (mutual funds and real estate), 鈧�660k in my emergency fund and 鈧�3m in my regular savings app. I also have roughly 鈧�800k tied up in gold.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you want for yourself and Akin, assuming you鈥檙e still together?

I really just want to live a comfortable life with my partner in our own property, with tons of investments and safety nets. I don鈥檛 see that with Akin yet; he can鈥檛 see that far ahead.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: We Love Each Other, but She鈥檚 Not Open About Her Finances

The  is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria. Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together. .

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My fianc茅e, Lola, and I have dated for about a year and a half. We got engaged two months ago.

Congrats on your engagement! How did you meet Lola?

Funny story. We met inside an Uber. We both picked the ride-sharing option, but I was the first passenger. The driver was supposed to pick her up somewhere along the way. However, we got there, and she wasn鈥檛 there. He had to start calling, trying to confirm her location. 

I was pissed that she was holding me up. I even considered telling her to her face when she finally came. But when she did, I couldn鈥檛 say anything again. She was so beautiful. All I could think about was finding a way to get her number before getting to my destination.

In other words, you lost focus

I did o. She apologised for the delay, and I used that as an opportunity to get talking. Luckily, I did get her number before the ride ended. That weekend, I asked her to hang out at an arcade. We played games, ate and had a good time. I spent about 鈧�80k on that day, including paying for her cab ride back home.

Did you both start dating immediately?

Pretty much. I think we both just knew we wanted a relationship from the moment we exchanged numbers. There was no long talking stage, fortunately. After that arcade date, I was like, 鈥淪o I can start calling you my babe now, right?鈥� and she was like, 鈥淏efore nko?鈥�

Our relationship has sort of followed the same pattern since then: easy and straightforward. Our engagement was pretty easy, too. I just thought one day, 鈥淚 love this babe, and I鈥檇 like to get married in 2027.鈥� 

Within three weeks, I鈥檇 bought the ring and proposed. Before I asked her to marry me, we hadn鈥檛 really talked about marriage. However, we鈥檇 once promised to be together for the long term. She said yes, so it鈥檚 safe to say we鈥檙e on the same page. 

Love it for you both. Now鈥檚 the part where I ask about your finances

Our finances are good for Nigerian standards. However, one small problem is that I鈥檓 never really sure how much Lola has or makes. I have a regular 9-5 that pays me 鈧�800k/month. Lola knows how much I earn since it鈥檚 the same amount every month. 

Sometimes, I earn more from side gigs, and I carry her along too. Maybe it鈥檚 because I use everything as gist. If someone pays me 鈧�500k today, best believe I鈥檓 telling Lola the next time we talk. Like, 鈥淗ow was your day?鈥� 鈥淥h, I鈥檓 fine. This guy just paid me 鈧�500k for that job I did last week.鈥�

Lola isn鈥檛 like that. She鈥檚 a freelance writer, so she doesn鈥檛 have a stable income, but I know she earns in dollars. What I don鈥檛 know is how much she makes. She often gives vague comments about working with clients, but never talks about money. I think it鈥檚 weird to ask pointed questions like, 鈥淗ow much are they paying?鈥� so I try not to. It feels like pocket watching.

On the few occasions that I do ask, she typically doesn鈥檛 give a straight answer. She could go, 鈥淭he client is not even paying up to $20/hour,鈥� or 鈥淚鈥檓 trying to get them to pay $100, but they鈥檙e insisting on $50.鈥� It鈥檚 like giving me information without actually giving me anything. 

Hmmm

Something happened a few weeks ago. We were both complaining about Tinubu and being broke when a debit alert popped up on her phone. We were cuddled up, so I could see her phone clearly. Her account balance was 鈧�560k. I was shocked.

For context, Lola has been robbed before, and she doesn鈥檛 like leaving 鈥渟erious鈥� money in her bank account. She鈥檚 told me before that she prefers to keep her money in a savings app and only uses a little at a time in her regular bank account. Also, she鈥檚 pretty frugal, so she saves more than she spends. 

For Lola to have 鈧�560k in her account, it means she considers it disposable. It also means she has far more than that saved up. Even me, I don鈥檛 have 鈧�500k just sitting in my spending account on any random day.

Did you ask her about it?

I did, jokingly. I said, 鈥淵ou have over 鈧�500k, and you鈥檙e still claiming you鈥檙e broke.鈥� Then she laughed it off with, 鈥淒on鈥檛 you know women are always broke? We can have millions and still want other people鈥檚 money.鈥�

I didn鈥檛 say anything else, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I think that鈥檚 when her lack of financial transparency started to bother me. I didn鈥檛 give it much thought before, but it鈥檚 like my eyes opened. I was really planning to marry this babe, and I wasn鈥檛 sure what her thoughts were about money, especially as a couple. 

The whole thing struck me as Lola likely being someone who would want to keep her money to herself and expect you to handle every expense. It鈥檚 a red flag, to be honest.

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So, you both didn鈥檛 have money conversations before getting engaged?

Now that I think about it, I wouldn鈥檛 call what we used to do conversations. It was just me gisting her about gigs I got, both of us complaining about the economy, and maybe some ranting about black tax expectations from our siblings.

But for us together, as a couple, we keep our finances separate. Since this incident happened a few weeks ago, I鈥檝e been deliberately getting us to talk about what our financial dynamic would be in marriage. So far, we鈥檝e sort of agreed that we鈥檒l run a 鈥渢he man pays the bills, and the wife supports sometimes鈥� system. 

However, I鈥檓 not sure if that counts as progress because Lola鈥檚 still not transparent about her finances. I recently brought it up, but she doesn鈥檛 seem very open. She sees it as me wanting her to tell me every kobo she makes, and she considers that controlling. I think we still have a way to go to be on the same page, but I think we鈥檒l get there. At least, I hope so. 

What if you don鈥檛?

Ah. I don鈥檛 want to think about that. It won鈥檛 be good, and I can鈥檛 imagine having to rethink our marriage plans. Because I don鈥檛 think it鈥檇 be wise to start a marriage with a 鈥渨hat鈥檚 mine is mine, don鈥檛 ask me鈥� mentality.

Speaking of, what鈥檚 the plan to fund the wedding?

I have a wedding fund which I鈥檝e been topping up with at least 鈧�30k every month for about three years. It鈥檚 currently close to 鈧�2m. That鈥檚 not enough for a wedding, but I鈥檓 sure my parents and elder siblings will step in when it鈥檚 time.

Do you have another safety net besides this wedding fund?

Oh yes. I save 鈧�50k – 鈧�100k monthly in an investment app. I currently have 鈧�1.6m there.

What does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

There鈥檚 no strict budget to it. Whenever we can, we like to go on dates and visit new recreation spots in Lagos. I typically budget 鈧�80k – 鈧�120k for those dates. Sometimes, it鈥檚 more, but it鈥檚 not all the time. Also, it鈥檚 typically just once a month. 

Gifts are usually for special occasions like birthdays and our anniversary. For her birthday, I gave her 鈧�500k to swap her phone because the one she was using had packed up. For my birthday, she got me a two-piece set and a pair of footwear.

What鈥檚 the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?

One where we can afford international trips at least once a year without having to think too much about it. I鈥檝e been dreaming of having our honeymoon on some Island somewhere, but I can鈥檛 afford that. Unless maybe a miracle happens before 2027.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Hands Over All His Money to Me. People Don鈥檛 Like That

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!听Expect honest conversations and insightful sessions听on building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.听to be the first to know when tickets start selling.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Timi, and I have been married for two years. We dated for 9 months before marriage.

How did you meet each other?

We were both members of a Facebook group. Timi was quite popular there. I recall often seeing his posts. Me, I was just a regular commenter, so I was quite surprised when Timi sent me a friend request one random day. I accepted, and we started chatting almost immediately.

Apparently, he鈥檇 been reading my comments and liked my opinions. We had similar values and sense of humour, so our conversations flowed naturally. 

We would talk for hours about anything from politics to conspiracy theories. It took him two weeks to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Even before he asked me to be his girlfriend, I knew he would be my husband. We clicked too well. 

Love it for you both. What was your and Timi鈥檚 financial situation like?

I was newly unemployed, having just left a toxic job as a lab technician at a hospital. It was even unemployment that pushed me to become an active commenter on the Facebook group. I鈥檇 been job-hunting for three months without any luck.

Timi, on the other hand, had a business centre near the state university (we were both in Osogbo at the time), where he made money from student projects, printing and the like. About a month into our relationship, Timi did something very unusual. 

He opened a new bank account, put the bank app on my phone so he wouldn鈥檛 have access to it, then started sending everything he made there. Then, every week, he sent me his expense list, and I handled it. 

For instance, if he wanted to send 鈧�30k to his brother or needed to buy 鈧�10k fuel, I sent it from the account. I became his unofficial accountant.

Do you know why he did that?

Timi isn鈥檛 very good with money. In fact, it was one of the things we talked about before we started dating. He鈥檚 bad at tracking his finances and saying 鈥渘o鈥� when people ask him for money. 

We agreed I was more financially responsible, so he鈥檇 run every financial decision by me before making it. I didn鈥檛 expect that he鈥檇 literally put all his money in my hands one month into our relationship. 

That was another thing that really cemented my conviction that he was my husband. No man would do something like that except he was 100% sure of his future with the person. He was all in, and so was I.

We are married now, and we still run the same arrangement with our finances. Funny enough, the money thing isn鈥檛 even the craziest thing Timi has done in our relationship. 

Something else beats that?

Oh yes. My dad died in 2023, while Timi and I were planning for our wedding, and it affected me so much. I was mourning my dad and dealing with bad dreams, fearing that my aged mother would also die soon. 

I shared my fears with Timi, saying how I wished I lived close to my mum in Akure so I could spend more time with her before she passed away. This husband of mine immediately said, 鈥淲e can move to Akure.鈥� I thought he was joking. He wasn鈥檛.

We were planning our wedding and moving to another city at the same time. I can鈥檛 even say for sure how we raised money to make it happen. I had a job at that time, but my 鈧�70k/month salary was hardly enough for anything. 

Our saving grace was that we were moving to my late dad鈥檚 house 鈥� I鈥檓 the only child, so it鈥檚 practically mine 鈥� and didn鈥檛 need to worry about renting an apartment. Also, Timi鈥檚 friends and family really showed up for us. We were just getting financial help all around. Another relative helped us secure a space close to a school area, so Timi could relocate his business, in addition to the one in Osogbo (a colleague manages it for him). God has just been really good to us. I can鈥檛 deny how lucky we鈥檝e been.

You mentioned you both maintained the same financial dynamic in your home. How does that work these days?

It鈥檚 pretty straightforward. I divide my salary into two and keep half in a savings account. Then I add the remaining half to whatever Timi sends to the account that I have access to. When he needs money, he tells me, and I send it. 

When I make purchases, I tell him. I always try to tell him before spending money, but he really doesn鈥檛 care. He trusts my judgement and always says he knows I can鈥檛 spend money anyhow without a good reason. That鈥檚 the truth, but I carry him along all the same. 

I know our dynamic isn鈥檛 common, and most people won鈥檛 understand it. One mistake we made when we first got married was letting people know how we ran our finances. It鈥檚 not like we were announcing it, sha. It just happened. For instance, if my husband needed to pay for something or send money to anyone, he鈥檇 go, 鈥淚鈥檒l tell my wife to send it.鈥� 

When people noticed the pattern and asked him or me questions, we鈥檇 innocently joke that I was the accountant who handled every expense. Before long, people started telling my husband things like, 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 do things that way,鈥� and 鈥淲hy will you let your wife know the exact amount of money you have?鈥� Someone even said, 鈥淎s a man, you mean you don鈥檛 have anything? Your wife has cooked efo (cast a spell) on your head.鈥�

Wahala

Thankfully, Timi is not the type of man who cares what anyone else thinks. It鈥檚 that thing that鈥檚 unconventional gan gan he always wants to do. We sha stopped telling people. 

Some family members and close friends know about it, but they still don鈥檛 understand. We鈥檝e both stopped explaining. We鈥檙e sure everyone talks behind our backs, but they鈥檒l be fine. It鈥檚 our marriage, after all.

That鈥檚 right. How do you both budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

We used to go to eateries at least twice a month when we were dating and in our first year of marriage. I handled the payment (from his account) when this happened.

However, the dates haven鈥檛 been regular because business hasn鈥檛 been so great lately, and everything is now expensive. We鈥檙e looking to start another business, which is why I鈥檝e been saving 鈧�50k (half my salary) every month. The remaining 鈧�50k barely covers food. So right now, we鈥檙e just managing that and whatever Timi makes from the business centre.

What does this safety net look like now?

We鈥檝e saved 鈧�350k. The plan is to hit 鈧�500k in the next three months and start something else. 

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

We鈥檙e currently trusting God for a child. I want it to happen soon, but I鈥檓 also hoping we can be a bit more financially stable before then. So, an ideal future would be us with our kids and thriving businesses.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Feel Disrespected Because I Don鈥檛 Contribute Financially

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!听Expect honest conversations and insightful sessions听on building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.听to be the first to know when tickets start selling.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Charles, and I have been married for 11 years. 

How did you both meet?

We met two weeks before our wedding. It was like an arranged marriage, but I wasn鈥檛 forced to marry him. Charles was planning to relocate, and his family wanted him to marry a Nigerian wife before leaving. 

Charles鈥� parents were mainly responsible for finding his wife. Our families are from the same village, so their search led them to my parents. At that point, I was in the final year of my nursing programme. My parents encouraged me to consider him because he was from a good family. When I told my friends, they said it was a good idea. I鈥檇 get to relocate, and since nursing was lucrative abroad, I鈥檇 make money too. So, I said yes.

So, you agreed to marry him before you both met in person?

Yes. But we chatted on Facebook, and we both knew what the other person looked like. It was just like how people do boyfriend/girlfriend these days. We just knew our 鈥済etting to know each other鈥� phase had the end goal of marriage. 

Also, it was pretty short. We started chatting about a week before we finally met in person. Then we got married two weeks later. By the time we started talking, our families were already into wedding planning. 

Interesting. I鈥檓 really curious about the kind of things you discuss with a stranger you鈥檙e marrying in three weeks

We talked about work, or in my case, school. Charles worked as an engineer in the manufacturing industry and, with the help of a relative, had gotten a similar blue-collar industrial job abroad. 

One of the major things we talked about was how we鈥檇 live after marriage. He made me believe that he鈥檇 travel abroad first to settle and get his papers, and then bring me over within two or three years. By then, I鈥檇 be completely done with school and would have researched 鈥� or even attained 鈥� all the certifications I needed to practice nursing abroad. That way, I could get a job immediately upon arrival.

What we didn鈥檛 discuss was the possibility that things might not go to plan. 

I鈥檓 guessing that means things didn鈥檛 go to plan

They didn鈥檛. First of all, I got pregnant immediately after our wedding in 2015. It鈥檚 funny because we spent only two nights together before he travelled.

I had to move in with my in-laws. We鈥檇 discussed that part, though. Since I was supposed to travel soon, he said it made sense to save money by living with his family instead of renting an apartment. Staying with my in-laws as a pregnant woman wasn鈥檛 easy. I had to deal with pregnancy stress, the struggle of rounding up school, and on top of that, still do house chores. 

I couldn鈥檛 say because I was pregnant, I鈥檇 leave my mother-in-law to do all the cooking. If I were at my parents鈥�, I鈥檇 have been sleeping comfortably while my mum took care of me. But I didn鈥檛 have that freedom at my in-laws鈥�. They weren鈥檛 bad; they just had expectations of me, and it was too stressful. Imagine handwashing my parents-in-law鈥檚 and brother-in-law鈥檚 clothes while heavily pregnant.

Hmmm

Also, Charles wasn鈥檛 sending me money. I鈥檇 assumed that he鈥檇 at least send me pocket money. He didn鈥檛. Whenever I asked for money, he鈥檇 be like, 鈥淲hat do you need money for? Aren鈥檛 you with my parents?鈥� 

When he eventually managed to send me something, he鈥檇 send it through my brother-in-law. So, I couldn鈥檛 regularly ask for money because I worried his family would start saying I was eating his money.

The only time I had some form of financial independence was between 2017 and 2019. I got a job at a hospital and was earning 鈧�80k/month. I could save and get nice things for myself without too much explanation. That ended in 2019, after Charles returned to Nigeria permanently and told me to stop working.

Two questions: Why did he return, and why did he ask you to quit?

He ran into some issues with his papers and decided to leave before he was deported. You notice I didn鈥檛 mention joining him? Well, his papers weren鈥檛 complete, and he didn鈥檛 find a permanent solution before coming back. The plan was to try another country, but then COVID came and scattered his plans.

As to why he told me to quit, he suddenly started having issues with me being a nurse. He claimed that all nurses have affairs with doctors, and the only reason I didn鈥檛 want to quit was because of that. It became a family issue, and I had to leave the job for peace to reign.

I鈥檝e had two more kids since then. It became easier to embrace being a housewife instead of trying (and failing) to convince him to let me take another job.

How do you both handle your home鈥檚 finances then?

My husband brings all the income. He has a regular job and also makes money on the side from construction sites, doing wiring and installations. I don鈥檛 know exactly how much he earns, but by the grace of God, we鈥檙e comfortable. We live in our own house and don鈥檛 struggle to feed.

However, Charles doesn鈥檛 involve me in any financial decisions. A year ago, I came home from the market to see people installing solar inverters in the house. Another time, he sold his car and bought another one without telling me. Things like that happen frequently, so I no longer ask why he doesn鈥檛 involve me. If I drag it, he鈥檒l only say something like, 鈥淚s it not my money?鈥�

Omo

He doesn鈥檛 give me money either. He prefers to ask what I need and buy it himself. I鈥檓 talking about things as small as pads and hair attachments. The only way I get small small money is by 鈥減adding鈥� the list of foodstuffs I give him. 

I only make money on things he can鈥檛 get from the supermarket. He doesn鈥檛 like going to local markets for foodstuffs like garri, meat, etc, so he gives me the money for that. 

I don鈥檛 know if I鈥檒l classify him as stingy, because it鈥檚 not really stinginess. He doesn鈥檛 complain about getting things for the house. What he doesn鈥檛 like is actually giving me money and allowing me to have a voice in financial decisions. I think it鈥檚 just disrespect. Since I don鈥檛 contribute financially to the home, he doesn鈥檛 value my opinion.

How do you feel about that?

It used to bother me, and I鈥檇 cry and complain to him. I even reported him to my parents. Those ones didn鈥檛 see anything wrong with his actions because he was 鈥渇ulfilling his duty鈥� and providing for the home.

These days, I don鈥檛 really care anymore. I still often feel disrespected 鈥� like I don鈥檛 matter 鈥� but I try not to dwell on it. Instead, I let him do what he wants. Shebi I don鈥檛 have to worry about anything regarding money in the house? It鈥檚 fine. Let him handle everything like Superman. On my own end, I鈥檓 strategic about getting money from him as much as I can and saving it. If anything happens, at least I have an emergency fund. 

What does this emergency fund look like now?

I鈥檝e been building it since 2022, and I have close to 鈧�5m now. I save using mutual funds, so it鈥檚 the interest on my savings that has pushed the money this high.

So, your husband handles all the expenses. Does he include relationship expenses, such as dates and gifts?

We don鈥檛 do dates. The highest we do is family outings for the kids. That happens at least once every two months. Then gifts are limited to birthdays. He just asks me what I want, and I tell him. I don鈥檛 buy him gifts because I don鈥檛 have money.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

I want to open a business soon, but I鈥檓 still thinking of a reasonable excuse to give him for how I raised capital. Maybe I鈥檒l say my elder brother loaned me money or something. 

For us as a couple, maybe having enough money to go on international holidays with the kids. Now that I think about it, I don鈥檛 even know if he can already afford that.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Feel Forced Into Providing for My Wife鈥檚 Child

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!听Expect honest conversations and insightful sessions听on building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.听to be the first to know when tickets start selling.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

I met my wife, Sola, through a family friend in 2022, and we got married a year later. October 2026 will make it our third year of marriage.

Tell me more about how you met

I had been single for about three years and was ready to try another relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. But most of the ladies I met weren’t serious. Once I talked to them for a while and expressed interest, they would start asking me for money. I sell and repair ACs; I don鈥檛 have money like that.

I was tired of the constant billing, but I also wanted to find a good woman. So, I started to tell family and friends that I was looking for a wife. A close family friend connected me with Sola. At first, I didn鈥檛 consider her as an option, but she turned out to be an understanding and caring woman. 

Why didn鈥檛 you consider her?

She had a two-year-old daughter. It鈥檚 not that I didn鈥檛 like her because she was a single mother; I just thought her child was young. I was worried that she was still involved with her child鈥檚 father or had to talk to him. I didn鈥檛 want to be with someone who had another man in her life.

However, my family friend assured me that the child鈥檚 father had abandoned them in Nigeria and married someone else in another country. That meant they wouldn鈥檛 be seeing each other physically, and he wouldn鈥檛 be calling her every time either. 

I started getting to know Sola better. We connected, and I liked her character. She didn鈥檛 bill me like other women. In fact, she cooked and served me the first day I went to her house. We weren鈥檛 even dating then. It showed me that she was really mature and wouldn鈥檛 need a man to give her money before showing him respect and care.

Interesting. What was Sola鈥檚 financial situation like when you got together?

She taught at a school 鈥� she still does 鈥� and also had a hairdressing salon in front of her family’s house. I don鈥檛 really know how much she was making, but she lived alone and was comfortable. It was the first time I dated a financially independent woman. She even helped me with small business loans a few times. I always paid her back, sha. 

She had to let go of her salon when we got married in 2023. Her family鈥檚 house is quite far from where we live, so it doesn鈥檛 make sense to travel all that distance for a salon. We haven鈥檛 been able to raise money to get a better salon close to us, so she鈥檚 been running home services after school and on the weekends. 

Also, my wife鈥檚 child started living with us a year ago. It鈥檚 not easy to manage her work at the school and two children (we had a baby in 2024). Now imagine adding the stress of a salon and apprentices. It was easier when the eldest child was with Sola鈥檚 parents. 

Do you mean your stepdaughter didn鈥檛 always live with you both?

No, she didn鈥檛. She lived with her grandparents. Even when Sola and I were dating, the child didn鈥檛 live with her. I honestly thought we鈥檇 continue with that arrangement after marriage.

However, Sola鈥檚 mum had a stroke last year and couldn鈥檛 take care of the child anymore. I suggested sending her to stay with Sola鈥檚 sister, but Sola refused. It almost caused a big fight, but I had to let the issue go to let peace reign.

Why were you against the idea?

We never discussed the child living with us. It was like being forced into a financial responsibility I hadn鈥檛 prepared for. Imagine starting a marriage with children almost immediately. My expenses have doubled. I can鈥檛 drop money for food and say it鈥檚 only for one child na, abi? 

The child also recently started school, and Sola begged me to contribute to the school fees. That was an extra 鈧�80k I hadn鈥檛 planned for. I can鈥檛 tell her to go and meet the child鈥檚 father because people will say, 鈥淒idn鈥檛 you know she was a single mother before you married her?鈥� So, I have to accept that I’ll have to financially provide for the child one way or another, even if I don鈥檛 particularly like it. 

It鈥檚 what Yorubas call “Ab岷固乴岷固乯ayan 谩n”鈥� someone who engages in an unprofitable venture. No matter how much I spend on the child, she鈥檒l still wake up one day and go look for her real father.

That鈥檚 an interesting way to look at it. Does your wife know about your concerns?

I believe she knows the child isn鈥檛 my primary responsibility, so she doesn鈥檛 always come to me with her needs. It鈥檚 just when she needs help that she outrightly asks. And of course, as a woman, she knows how to get money from me when she really needs it. For instance, I can鈥檛 just ignore her complaints about the child being sick. I鈥檒l have to step in if I have money.

How do you both run your home鈥檚 finances?

We don鈥檛 really discuss it; we just know what the other has to do to contribute to the expenses. I pay 鈧�450k in rent for our mini flat, pay for electricity, and drop 鈧�10k every week for food. If the food money isn鈥檛 enough, she adds money. 

She also handles the children鈥檚 needs and small things around the house. Sometimes when I鈥檓 broke, Sola loans me money, and I pay her back when I make money. We know how to manage ourselves.

Do you have a budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

No. We don鈥檛 spend money on unnecessary things. If she sees something she likes and needs, she tells me, and if I have money, I鈥檒l give it to her. If I don鈥檛, we leave it. I鈥檓 not a birthday person like that, so I don鈥檛 need gifts. If she wants to make me happy, she knows she just needs to cook my favourite meal and let me rest. 

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I put 鈧�30k into a monthly ajo contribution, so I only need to add a little money to it and pay rent. Sola knows how to manage money, so whenever I have excess cash, I give it to her to keep for me. Most of the time, we still use whatever I keep with her to handle household needs or family emergencies. 

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

I hope to be a major electronics supplier in the future. At least, if I make enough money to do business, we鈥檒l be able to live a better life and enjoy good things. Sola is also always talking about building her own school someday. So, that鈥檒l be good too.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I鈥檓 a Heavy Saver, but He鈥檚 an Impulse Spender

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My boyfriend, Francis, and I started dating in July 2025, so that鈥檚 about seven months.

How did you meet?

We met when I visited Lagos to attend an older friend鈥檚 wedding. The Sunday after the wedding, I attended the couple鈥檚 thanksgiving at the groom鈥檚 church as well. 

Francis was one of the church鈥檚 instrumentalists, and he approached me at the end of the service. He said he liked how well I danced and wanted to be my friend. I was reluctant because of what people typically say about church instrumentalists: how they share heartbreak everywhere. Still, I thought he looked good and decided to give him a chance for the plot. If it didn鈥檛 work out, I could say a fine boy broke my heart.

I鈥檓 screaming. But he was just offering friendship, right?

Everybody knows 鈥淚 want to be your friend鈥� is code for 鈥淚 like you, but I don鈥檛 want to say it yet.鈥� Especially when it鈥檚 coming from a guy.

I guess I can鈥檛 fault that. When did romance enter the picture?

Almost immediately. After exchanging numbers, we chatted on WhatsApp for a couple of days, and then he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. 

I almost didn鈥檛 accept because I鈥檇 already returned home to Akure. He lived in Lagos, and I鈥檇 never tried a long-distance relationship. It helped that he came to Akure to take me out on a date and make a physical version of the girlfriend proposal. I thought that was romantic. 

How have you both been navigating the distance? 

Francis doesn鈥檛 let me really feel the distance. He travels to see me here at least twice a month. I live with my sister鈥檚 family, but whenever Francis visits, I tell her I鈥檓 spending the night with a friend so I can stay with him 鈥� he has a friend here who is kind enough to let us both sleep in his room. I have a feeling my sister knows I go to see my boyfriend, but thankfully, she鈥檚 pretty cool and doesn鈥檛 give me wahala.

Besides visits, we also do a lot of calls and texts. It鈥檚 just like a regular relationship; the only difference is all the planning that goes into seeing each other.

Who handles these travel expenses?

Francis does. One trip costs approximately 鈧�20k to and fro, minus other small expenses like taking bikes and buses within Akure. Sometimes, when he comes around, we go to eateries or the cinema, and he pays for those dates too. However, we mostly stay indoors, and I handle the cooking. 

To be honest, I鈥檝e been trying to get him to cut down on the trips. I know he gets paid to play instruments at the church and also makes money from his freelance graphic design hustle, but I feel the regular trips are a waste of money. He spends at least 鈧�60k every month on our relationship, and I don鈥檛 think he earns more than 鈧�200k. I can鈥檛 imagine spending like that. 

I guess he disagrees with cutting down the trips?

It鈥檚 funny. When I raise concerns about money and suggest that he travel only once per month, he鈥檒l actually agree. Then, a few days later, I鈥檒l hear he鈥檚 on a bus heading to Akure. He can be quite impulsive like that.

On the one hand, I like seeing him regularly, but on the other hand, I can鈥檛 encourage him to come all the time because of the cost. Hopefully, we will find a solution to the distance soon. 

I鈥檓 currently on the hunt for Lagos-based jobs so I can have a reason to move and be closer to him. My current job is with a Lagos-based company, but it鈥檚 remote. Also, I can鈥檛 live comfortably in Lagos on a 鈧�150k salary. So, I鈥檓 hoping to get something with better pay so I can afford rent.

Rooting for you. What kind of conversations do you and Francis have about money?

Recently, it鈥檚 mostly been me trying to educate him about the importance of saving and really thinking through financial decisions before making them. 

He鈥檚 a very impulsive spender, and I only discovered that about four months ago. Someone at his church gave him 鈧�500k, and that same day, he used it to trade his phone for an iPhone 14. When he told me what he had done, I was so confused. 

Before that money came, he had been complaining about electricity issues at his place, and I suggested he buy a mini power station for backup. How come the first thought that came to his mind after getting free money was a phone? When I told him that, he was like, 鈥淥h, that鈥檚 true. I completely forgot.鈥� 

This is just one example of his money habits, and it鈥檚 the one thing about him I鈥檓 struggling to get used to because of how very different we are in that regard. I鈥檓 a heavy saver. I only spend like 20% of my salary each month and save the rest on Piggyvest. My default setting is to save whatever money enters my hands. It鈥檚 strange to be with someone whose default setting is to spend money. 

Do you think the difference in money habits could be a dealbreaker?

It鈥檚 mostly just an annoying trait for now, not that it鈥檚 affecting our relationship itself. It鈥檚 not really a big problem. I imagine we鈥檒l need to address it properly as the years go by. But for now, I鈥檓 just doing my best to caution him where necessary. 

You mentioned only spending 20% of your monthly income. Does that include a budget for relationship expenses?

I don鈥檛 spend a lot of money in our relationship. Like I mentioned, the most I do is cook for Francis a few times, and the highest I spend is 鈧�10k. This is probably my own red flag, but I don鈥檛 like spending money. 

I like the idea of seeing money in my account, so I only touch my account when it鈥檚 absolutely necessary. Also, my salary is quite poor, so I believe it makes sense to limit my expenses as much as possible and build up a safety net while I look for better income options.

Francis is the giver in the relationship. Besides the trips and occasional dates, he sends me airtime and data sometimes, usually around 鈧�5k. He also buys me small gifts when he visits, like earrings and perfume. 

What does your safety net look like?

I have 鈧�2.2m in my savings. I鈥檝e been building this since 2022, so it should really be more than that. I鈥檝e had to dip into it a few times to handle emergencies.

Do you know if Francis has a safety net?

I鈥檓 sure he doesn鈥檛. I鈥檓 still trying to get him to save sef.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

It鈥檒l be nice to be able to afford a couple鈥檚 vacation outside the country one day.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Never Should Have Agreed to a 50/50 Partnership

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

Four years. My husband, Femi, and I dated for two years before we got married in February 2024.

How did you meet?

We attended the same secondary school, but Femi was about two sets ahead of me, so we didn鈥檛 meet there. We interacted for the first time on our school alumni WhatsApp group. 

The admins had organised a small competition, and Femi and I were head-to-head, dragging it out for the first prize of 鈧�1k in airtime. Anyway, I won, and Femi entered my DM and was like, 鈥淚 like your competitive spirit.鈥� 

We started talking and vibed right away. Within weeks, we鈥檇 planned a meet-up at his friend鈥檚 house party. We became official that night.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

We talked a lot. It鈥檚 almost like we knew we鈥檇 be endgame right from the start, so a lot of our conversations were about our future; how we鈥檇 run our home, etc. 

I鈥檇 never gotten so serious with a romantic partner as fast, and it convinced me Femi was the one. Also, he wasn鈥檛 a misogynist, which was very important to me. I鈥檝e dated my share of men who think women are beneath them, so I deliberately asked Femi several questions to feel him out, and his answers satisfied me. 

Did these conversations also extend to money?

Oh yes. Femi was the first man I鈥檝e dated to tell me his salary straight up without me asking. He worked in HR and was earning 鈧�200k/month when we started dating. I鈥檇 just pivoted into data analysis and was still hustling for internships paying 鈧�80k – 鈧�100k/month. 

We were very open with each other about our earnings and subconsciously started applying a 50/50 approach to joint expenses like dates.

Subconsciously?

Yeah. I鈥檓 not sure when or how we decided to split expenses. We just started doing it. If Femi initiated a date today, he would pay the bills. If I initiated tomorrow, I would handle the bills. 

One time, we travelled out of state for a three-day staycation, and we took turns paying the bills. For instance, Femi paid for the transportation, and when we got there, I paid the hotel fee. He didn鈥檛 ask me to do so; I just did. It was like an unspoken rule in our relationship.

I see

We later had a proper conversation about finances during our wedding planning in late 2023. As part of our church鈥檚 marriage counselling process, they give the intending couple a list of topics and conversation guides to discuss to ensure we are on the same page. 

One of the topics was 鈥淗ow we intend to split finances after marriage.鈥� The day we discussed it, Femi read out the topic and immediately answered, 鈥淥f course, we鈥檒l split bills equally, right?鈥� I didn鈥檛 think much of it and just said yes, especially since we were already doing a form of it. 

Knowing what I do now, I should鈥檝e never agreed to that. I think I was tricked into accepting that, haha. 50/50 never favours women.

Why? What changed?

For starters, any married woman who intends to be a mother is already at a disadvantage. There can never be equality in sharing responsibilities because she naturally takes up a bulk of the child care and mental labour.

We have a five-month-old baby now. Even though both Femi and I work, I handle over 90% of the child care because I鈥檓 the mother. Plus, I work from home, so I must juggle both motherhood and work stress. On top of that, I contribute equally to the home expenses. 

In fact, up until last month, I was contributing more because I handle food bills while Femi takes care of rent. One thing people don鈥檛 know is that daily food expenses add up and can be even more financially draining than 鈥渂ig bills鈥� like rent. Imagine spending 鈧�40k on food weekly, that鈥檚 like 鈧�160k monthly and almost 鈧�2m yearly. Meanwhile, our rent is 鈧�1.8m. 

When I clocked that towards the end of last year, I had to do a food expenses breakdown with Femi so he鈥檇 understand. Besides the food bills, I do more of the house chores. Femi does his share of the laundry and cleaning, but he doesn鈥檛 know how to cook, so I do it. Cooking is serious work o.

I agree like mad

Exactly. So, I don鈥檛 believe we鈥檙e doing a purely 50/50 arrangement. Also, Femi changed jobs recently and now earns 鈧�700k/month, which is more than my 鈧�550k. I鈥檝e told him we need to revisit our arrangement so he takes on more responsibility and I take less. He鈥檚 pushing back, saying he鈥檇 like us to save the extra income for joint projects. 

So right now, I鈥檓 in a dilemma. His reason for keeping things the way they are makes sense. It鈥檒l be great to have more savings. But something tells me that if I fail to overturn the 50/50 arrangement now, something will always come up to stop us from reviewing our finances. I might be stuck in this situation forever. I wish I鈥檇 known better before starting it. I鈥檓 trying to believe all hope is not lost yet, though. I鈥檒l keep bringing it up.

Hopefully, you both find something that sticks. How do dates and gifting work in your relationship?

We used to do biweekly dates when we were dating, but marriage and parenting have turned it into a once-in-a-blue-moon activity. The last time we went out was to celebrate our anniversary a few days ago. We ate at a nice restaurant, and Femi handled the bills.

For gifts, we don鈥檛 do that a lot. Maybe it鈥檚 because we鈥檙e often talking to each other about planned expenses. Whenever someone needs something, we just talk about it to decide whether we can afford it, then buy it. 

How about savings?

We both contribute 20% of our incomes to a shared savings account, hold on to 25% for personal expenses (or savings) and then push the rest towards our home expenses. 

We use the money in the joint savings for big projects. We currently have nothing in the account, because we just liquidated it to install a solar power and inverter system at home. It cost us 鈧�2.5m.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

Ideally? For both of us to become billionaires with real estate and stock assets.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听We Can Afford Our Needs, but I鈥檓 Not Financially Ready for a Baby

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My wife, Tolani, and I got married in March 2024. We鈥檇 dated for a year prior to that. So we鈥檝e been together for almost three years.

How did you meet your wife?

I knew her from a distance for about five years before we started dating. We attended different branches of the same church and saw each other once or twice a year during joint programs or workers鈥� meetings. I didn鈥檛 know much about her. She was just one of the sisters in church.

In 2022, I was transferred to work at another church branch that had been newly formed. To grow the branch, the church leaders sent workers from a few existing branches to help there. Tolani and I were part of the transferred workers. 

Working closely with Tolani, I learned more about her, and I liked what I saw. She ticked all my boxes, so I prayed about it and asked her out. She also prayed and said 鈥測es鈥� after five months. 

Five months?

She kept me waiting for a long time, haha. She鈥檇 just come out of a long-term toxic relationship, needed time to heal and be sure of what God was saying about another relationship. She told me this and even said I was free to let her go if I needed an answer immediately 鈥� she didn鈥檛 want to delay me. 

But I was fine waiting. I believed she was the one, and if she needed time to become the best version of herself before we got together, then it was in my best interest to give her time. I also wasn鈥檛 in a particular hurry to get married. For one, my income wasn鈥檛 stable.

Why was that?

I was working as an assistant to a solar technician, learning to install solar panels and CCTV systems. I didn鈥檛 have a salary. My boss usually gave me a 鈧�5k or 鈧�10k stipend whenever we went for installations. If I did the installations myself, I could make around 鈧�20k or 鈧�30k. 

I also made a little money from occasionally helping people buy inverters and solar panels. Since I didn鈥檛 have a specific monthly income, it was tough to plan my finances. I just told myself I couldn鈥檛 get married until I finished learning and became my own boss.

Thankfully, the week Tolani agreed to enter a relationship with me, I got a job with an energy company to work as a solar technician. I still work there today, and they pay me 鈧�100k/month. A year later 鈥� just around the time we got married 鈥� I began taking on personal installation gigs on the side, which sometimes pushes up my monthly income to 鈧�200k or more. 

Now that I think about it, my finances started to get better when Tolani came into my life.

That鈥檚 cute. How does your wife earn an income?

My wife does a little of everything. Her main hustle is baking. She bakes cakes and snacks, and sometimes cooks for people. She also knows how to braid hair, sew dresses and do makeup. She often says, 鈥淛ust tell me whatever service you need, and I鈥檒l tell you whether I can do it.鈥� 

An enterprising queen

Oh, she is. Since she does a lot of things, it鈥檚 tough to predict exactly how much she鈥檒l earn a month. Also, she doesn鈥檛 have a shop, so she does most of her work from home. The lack of a shop limits her ability to advertise, so most of her clients come through referrals. It also means her income isn鈥檛 very stable.

How do you both run your home鈥檚 expenses?

We鈥檙e very transparent with our earnings and work with what we have. For instance, we use whatever Tolani earns each week to cover small household needs like fuel, gas, and electricity bills, while I handle other expenses such as food and rent. 

Tolani is our home鈥檚 accountant. Whenever I get installation side gigs, I send the money to Tolani to hold for me while we decide what to spend it on. I鈥檓 not good with tracking money or spending wisely, so it鈥檚 better to let my wife do it. 

When I get broke before salary enters, I ask her if there鈥檚 any money left in the 鈥渁ccount鈥� 鈥� that is, the money I kept with her 鈥� and if there is, she gives me. 

Also, I get her permission before buying anything. I don鈥檛 always make the best financial decisions, so it鈥檚 better to get a second opinion before spending money.

Sounds like you鈥檝e both settled on a working strategy. Do you ever disagree about money, though?

Most of our money issues happen whenever I spend unnecessarily. She complains, I try to defend myself, and it often leads to quarrels. That鈥檚 why I even adopted the habit of telling her before making any money decision, just so we can have peace at home. 

Another somewhat money-related issue is my decision to delay having kids until our financial situation becomes better. 

Isn鈥檛 your wife on board with that?

She isn鈥檛. Left to her, she wanted to get pregnant the month we got married. She believes we鈥檒l surely find a way to provide for our child as long as we keep pooling our resources together. However, I don鈥檛 think we鈥檙e ready.

My income is the only stable one; we have zero savings, and we only earn enough to comfortably pay rent. I know we can afford the basic necessities and a little comfort, but I鈥檓 not financially ready for a baby.

Our church and family members are already asking why we aren鈥檛 pregnant yet and sending us prayers for 鈥渇ruit of the womb,鈥� but I鈥檇 rather they pray for us to make money instead. If I start earning 鈧�500k today, I鈥檒l think about trying for a baby.

Tolani isn鈥檛 happy with my decision and often complains about it. The arguments have become more frequent as we approach our second year of marriage, but I think my decision is in our best interest. I鈥檇 understand if we mistakenly got pregnant. But to deliberately get pregnant in this situation? It鈥檇 be too bad.

That鈥檚 fair, I guess. Have you considered what you鈥檇 do if your income doesn鈥檛 improve in the near future?

Hmm. I really hope things change soon. But if it doesn鈥檛 in the next two or three years, I might have to cave in and let us have a baby. I won鈥檛 be happy about it, but I doubt Tolani will wait for much longer than that.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

A future outside Nigeria. I鈥檓 constantly researching different relocation options; it鈥檚 just money that鈥檚 still keeping us in this country.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He鈥檚 Invested a Lot in Me, but I Don鈥檛 Want To Be With Him