Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Timi, and I have been married for two years. We dated for 9 months before marriage.

How did you meet each other?

We were both members of a Facebook group. Timi was quite popular there. I recall often seeing his posts. Me, I was just a regular commenter, so I was quite surprised when Timi sent me a friend request one random day. I accepted, and we started chatting almost immediately.

Apparently, he鈥檇 been reading my comments and liked my opinions. We had similar values and sense of humour, so our conversations flowed naturally. 

We would talk for hours about anything from politics to conspiracy theories. It took him two weeks to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Even before he asked me to be his girlfriend, I knew he would be my husband. We clicked too well. 

Love it for you both. What was your and Timi鈥檚 financial situation like?

I was newly unemployed, having just left a toxic job as a lab technician at a hospital. It was even unemployment that pushed me to become an active commenter on the Facebook group. I鈥檇 been job-hunting for three months without any luck.

Timi, on the other hand, had a business centre near the state university (we were both in Osogbo at the time), where he made money from student projects, printing and the like. About a month into our relationship, Timi did something very unusual. 

He opened a new bank account, put the bank app on my phone so he wouldn鈥檛 have access to it, then started sending everything he made there. Then, every week, he sent me his expense list, and I handled it. 

For instance, if he wanted to send 鈧�30k to his brother or needed to buy 鈧�10k fuel, I sent it from the account. I became his unofficial accountant.

Do you know why he did that?

Timi isn鈥檛 very good with money. In fact, it was one of the things we talked about before we started dating. He鈥檚 bad at tracking his finances and saying 鈥渘o鈥� when people ask him for money. 

We agreed I was more financially responsible, so he鈥檇 run every financial decision by me before making it. I didn鈥檛 expect that he鈥檇 literally put all his money in my hands one month into our relationship. 

That was another thing that really cemented my conviction that he was my husband. No man would do something like that except he was 100% sure of his future with the person. He was all in, and so was I.

We are married now, and we still run the same arrangement with our finances. Funny enough, the money thing isn鈥檛 even the craziest thing Timi has done in our relationship. 

Something else beats that?

Oh yes. My dad died in 2023, while Timi and I were planning for our wedding, and it affected me so much. I was mourning my dad and dealing with bad dreams, fearing that my aged mother would also die soon. 

I shared my fears with Timi, saying how I wished I lived close to my mum in Akure so I could spend more time with her before she passed away. This husband of mine immediately said, 鈥淲e can move to Akure.鈥� I thought he was joking. He wasn鈥檛.

We were planning our wedding and moving to another city at the same time. I can鈥檛 even say for sure how we raised money to make it happen. I had a job at that time, but my 鈧�70k/month salary was hardly enough for anything. 

Our saving grace was that we were moving to my late dad鈥檚 house 鈥� I鈥檓 the only child, so it鈥檚 practically mine 鈥� and didn鈥檛 need to worry about renting an apartment. Also, Timi鈥檚 friends and family really showed up for us. We were just getting financial help all around. Another relative helped us secure a space close to a school area, so Timi could relocate his business, in addition to the one in Osogbo (a colleague manages it for him). God has just been really good to us. I can鈥檛 deny how lucky we鈥檝e been.

You mentioned you both maintained the same financial dynamic in your home. How does that work these days?

It鈥檚 pretty straightforward. I divide my salary into two and keep half in a savings account. Then I add the remaining half to whatever Timi sends to the account that I have access to. When he needs money, he tells me, and I send it. 

When I make purchases, I tell him. I always try to tell him before spending money, but he really doesn鈥檛 care. He trusts my judgement and always says he knows I can鈥檛 spend money anyhow without a good reason. That鈥檚 the truth, but I carry him along all the same. 

I know our dynamic isn鈥檛 common, and most people won鈥檛 understand it. One mistake we made when we first got married was letting people know how we ran our finances. It鈥檚 not like we were announcing it, sha. It just happened. For instance, if my husband needed to pay for something or send money to anyone, he鈥檇 go, 鈥淚鈥檒l tell my wife to send it.鈥� 

When people noticed the pattern and asked him or me questions, we鈥檇 innocently joke that I was the accountant who handled every expense. Before long, people started telling my husband things like, 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 do things that way,鈥� and 鈥淲hy will you let your wife know the exact amount of money you have?鈥� Someone even said, 鈥淎s a man, you mean you don鈥檛 have anything? Your wife has cooked efo (cast a spell) on your head.鈥�

Wahala

Thankfully, Timi is not the type of man who cares what anyone else thinks. It鈥檚 that thing that鈥檚 unconventional gan gan he always wants to do. We sha stopped telling people. 

Some family members and close friends know about it, but they still don鈥檛 understand. We鈥檝e both stopped explaining. We鈥檙e sure everyone talks behind our backs, but they鈥檒l be fine. It鈥檚 our marriage, after all.

That鈥檚 right. How do you both budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

We used to go to eateries at least twice a month when we were dating and in our first year of marriage. I handled the payment (from his account) when this happened.

However, the dates haven鈥檛 been regular because business hasn鈥檛 been so great lately, and everything is now expensive. We鈥檙e looking to start another business, which is why I鈥檝e been saving 鈧�50k (half my salary) every month. The remaining 鈧�50k barely covers food. So right now, we鈥檙e just managing that and whatever Timi makes from the business centre.

What does this safety net look like now?

We鈥檝e saved 鈧�350k. The plan is to hit 鈧�500k in the next three months and start something else. 

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

We鈥檙e currently trusting God for a child. I want it to happen soon, but I鈥檓 also hoping we can be a bit more financially stable before then. So, an ideal future would be us with our kids and thriving businesses.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Feel Disrespected Because I Don鈥檛 Contribute Financially

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!听Expect honest conversations and insightful sessions听on building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.听to be the first to know when tickets start selling.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Charles, and I have been married for 11 years. 

How did you both meet?

We met two weeks before our wedding. It was like an arranged marriage, but I wasn鈥檛 forced to marry him. Charles was planning to relocate, and his family wanted him to marry a Nigerian wife before leaving. 

Charles鈥� parents were mainly responsible for finding his wife. Our families are from the same village, so their search led them to my parents. At that point, I was in the final year of my nursing programme. My parents encouraged me to consider him because he was from a good family. When I told my friends, they said it was a good idea. I鈥檇 get to relocate, and since nursing was lucrative abroad, I鈥檇 make money too. So, I said yes.

So, you agreed to marry him before you both met in person?

Yes. But we chatted on Facebook, and we both knew what the other person looked like. It was just like how people do boyfriend/girlfriend these days. We just knew our 鈥済etting to know each other鈥� phase had the end goal of marriage. 

Also, it was pretty short. We started chatting about a week before we finally met in person. Then we got married two weeks later. By the time we started talking, our families were already into wedding planning. 

Interesting. I鈥檓 really curious about the kind of things you discuss with a stranger you鈥檙e marrying in three weeks

We talked about work, or in my case, school. Charles worked as an engineer in the manufacturing industry and, with the help of a relative, had gotten a similar blue-collar industrial job abroad. 

One of the major things we talked about was how we鈥檇 live after marriage. He made me believe that he鈥檇 travel abroad first to settle and get his papers, and then bring me over within two or three years. By then, I鈥檇 be completely done with school and would have researched 鈥� or even attained 鈥� all the certifications I needed to practice nursing abroad. That way, I could get a job immediately upon arrival.

What we didn鈥檛 discuss was the possibility that things might not go to plan. 

I鈥檓 guessing that means things didn鈥檛 go to plan

They didn鈥檛. First of all, I got pregnant immediately after our wedding in 2015. It鈥檚 funny because we spent only two nights together before he travelled.

I had to move in with my in-laws. We鈥檇 discussed that part, though. Since I was supposed to travel soon, he said it made sense to save money by living with his family instead of renting an apartment. Staying with my in-laws as a pregnant woman wasn鈥檛 easy. I had to deal with pregnancy stress, the struggle of rounding up school, and on top of that, still do house chores. 

I couldn鈥檛 say because I was pregnant, I鈥檇 leave my mother-in-law to do all the cooking. If I were at my parents鈥�, I鈥檇 have been sleeping comfortably while my mum took care of me. But I didn鈥檛 have that freedom at my in-laws鈥�. They weren鈥檛 bad; they just had expectations of me, and it was too stressful. Imagine handwashing my parents-in-law鈥檚 and brother-in-law鈥檚 clothes while heavily pregnant.

Hmmm

Also, Charles wasn鈥檛 sending me money. I鈥檇 assumed that he鈥檇 at least send me pocket money. He didn鈥檛. Whenever I asked for money, he鈥檇 be like, 鈥淲hat do you need money for? Aren鈥檛 you with my parents?鈥� 

When he eventually managed to send me something, he鈥檇 send it through my brother-in-law. So, I couldn鈥檛 regularly ask for money because I worried his family would start saying I was eating his money.

The only time I had some form of financial independence was between 2017 and 2019. I got a job at a hospital and was earning 鈧�80k/month. I could save and get nice things for myself without too much explanation. That ended in 2019, after Charles returned to Nigeria permanently and told me to stop working.

Two questions: Why did he return, and why did he ask you to quit?

He ran into some issues with his papers and decided to leave before he was deported. You notice I didn鈥檛 mention joining him? Well, his papers weren鈥檛 complete, and he didn鈥檛 find a permanent solution before coming back. The plan was to try another country, but then COVID came and scattered his plans.

As to why he told me to quit, he suddenly started having issues with me being a nurse. He claimed that all nurses have affairs with doctors, and the only reason I didn鈥檛 want to quit was because of that. It became a family issue, and I had to leave the job for peace to reign.

I鈥檝e had two more kids since then. It became easier to embrace being a housewife instead of trying (and failing) to convince him to let me take another job.

How do you both handle your home鈥檚 finances then?

My husband brings all the income. He has a regular job and also makes money on the side from construction sites, doing wiring and installations. I don鈥檛 know exactly how much he earns, but by the grace of God, we鈥檙e comfortable. We live in our own house and don鈥檛 struggle to feed.

However, Charles doesn鈥檛 involve me in any financial decisions. A year ago, I came home from the market to see people installing solar inverters in the house. Another time, he sold his car and bought another one without telling me. Things like that happen frequently, so I no longer ask why he doesn鈥檛 involve me. If I drag it, he鈥檒l only say something like, 鈥淚s it not my money?鈥�

Omo

He doesn鈥檛 give me money either. He prefers to ask what I need and buy it himself. I鈥檓 talking about things as small as pads and hair attachments. The only way I get small small money is by 鈥減adding鈥� the list of foodstuffs I give him. 

I only make money on things he can鈥檛 get from the supermarket. He doesn鈥檛 like going to local markets for foodstuffs like garri, meat, etc, so he gives me the money for that. 

I don鈥檛 know if I鈥檒l classify him as stingy, because it鈥檚 not really stinginess. He doesn鈥檛 complain about getting things for the house. What he doesn鈥檛 like is actually giving me money and allowing me to have a voice in financial decisions. I think it鈥檚 just disrespect. Since I don鈥檛 contribute financially to the home, he doesn鈥檛 value my opinion.

How do you feel about that?

It used to bother me, and I鈥檇 cry and complain to him. I even reported him to my parents. Those ones didn鈥檛 see anything wrong with his actions because he was 鈥渇ulfilling his duty鈥� and providing for the home.

These days, I don鈥檛 really care anymore. I still often feel disrespected 鈥� like I don鈥檛 matter 鈥� but I try not to dwell on it. Instead, I let him do what he wants. Shebi I don鈥檛 have to worry about anything regarding money in the house? It鈥檚 fine. Let him handle everything like Superman. On my own end, I鈥檓 strategic about getting money from him as much as I can and saving it. If anything happens, at least I have an emergency fund. 

What does this emergency fund look like now?

I鈥檝e been building it since 2022, and I have close to 鈧�5m now. I save using mutual funds, so it鈥檚 the interest on my savings that has pushed the money this high.

So, your husband handles all the expenses. Does he include relationship expenses, such as dates and gifts?

We don鈥檛 do dates. The highest we do is family outings for the kids. That happens at least once every two months. Then gifts are limited to birthdays. He just asks me what I want, and I tell him. I don鈥檛 buy him gifts because I don鈥檛 have money.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

I want to open a business soon, but I鈥檓 still thinking of a reasonable excuse to give him for how I raised capital. Maybe I鈥檒l say my elder brother loaned me money or something. 

For us as a couple, maybe having enough money to go on international holidays with the kids. Now that I think about it, I don鈥檛 even know if he can already afford that.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听I Feel Forced Into Providing for My Wife鈥檚 Child

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!听Expect honest conversations and insightful sessions听on building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.听to be the first to know when tickets start selling.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

I met my wife, Sola, through a family friend in 2022, and we got married a year later. October 2026 will make it our third year of marriage.

Tell me more about how you met

I had been single for about three years and was ready to try another relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. But most of the ladies I met weren’t serious. Once I talked to them for a while and expressed interest, they would start asking me for money. I sell and repair ACs; I don鈥檛 have money like that.

I was tired of the constant billing, but I also wanted to find a good woman. So, I started to tell family and friends that I was looking for a wife. A close family friend connected me with Sola. At first, I didn鈥檛 consider her as an option, but she turned out to be an understanding and caring woman. 

Why didn鈥檛 you consider her?

She had a two-year-old daughter. It鈥檚 not that I didn鈥檛 like her because she was a single mother; I just thought her child was young. I was worried that she was still involved with her child鈥檚 father or had to talk to him. I didn鈥檛 want to be with someone who had another man in her life.

However, my family friend assured me that the child鈥檚 father had abandoned them in Nigeria and married someone else in another country. That meant they wouldn鈥檛 be seeing each other physically, and he wouldn鈥檛 be calling her every time either. 

I started getting to know Sola better. We connected, and I liked her character. She didn鈥檛 bill me like other women. In fact, she cooked and served me the first day I went to her house. We weren鈥檛 even dating then. It showed me that she was really mature and wouldn鈥檛 need a man to give her money before showing him respect and care.

Interesting. What was Sola鈥檚 financial situation like when you got together?

She taught at a school 鈥� she still does 鈥� and also had a hairdressing salon in front of her family’s house. I don鈥檛 really know how much she was making, but she lived alone and was comfortable. It was the first time I dated a financially independent woman. She even helped me with small business loans a few times. I always paid her back, sha. 

She had to let go of her salon when we got married in 2023. Her family鈥檚 house is quite far from where we live, so it doesn鈥檛 make sense to travel all that distance for a salon. We haven鈥檛 been able to raise money to get a better salon close to us, so she鈥檚 been running home services after school and on the weekends. 

Also, my wife鈥檚 child started living with us a year ago. It鈥檚 not easy to manage her work at the school and two children (we had a baby in 2024). Now imagine adding the stress of a salon and apprentices. It was easier when the eldest child was with Sola鈥檚 parents. 

Do you mean your stepdaughter didn鈥檛 always live with you both?

No, she didn鈥檛. She lived with her grandparents. Even when Sola and I were dating, the child didn鈥檛 live with her. I honestly thought we鈥檇 continue with that arrangement after marriage.

However, Sola鈥檚 mum had a stroke last year and couldn鈥檛 take care of the child anymore. I suggested sending her to stay with Sola鈥檚 sister, but Sola refused. It almost caused a big fight, but I had to let the issue go to let peace reign.

Why were you against the idea?

We never discussed the child living with us. It was like being forced into a financial responsibility I hadn鈥檛 prepared for. Imagine starting a marriage with children almost immediately. My expenses have doubled. I can鈥檛 drop money for food and say it鈥檚 only for one child na, abi? 

The child also recently started school, and Sola begged me to contribute to the school fees. That was an extra 鈧�80k I hadn鈥檛 planned for. I can鈥檛 tell her to go and meet the child鈥檚 father because people will say, 鈥淒idn鈥檛 you know she was a single mother before you married her?鈥� So, I have to accept that I’ll have to financially provide for the child one way or another, even if I don鈥檛 particularly like it. 

It鈥檚 what Yorubas call “Ab岷固乴岷固乯ayan 谩n”鈥� someone who engages in an unprofitable venture. No matter how much I spend on the child, she鈥檒l still wake up one day and go look for her real father.

That鈥檚 an interesting way to look at it. Does your wife know about your concerns?

I believe she knows the child isn鈥檛 my primary responsibility, so she doesn鈥檛 always come to me with her needs. It鈥檚 just when she needs help that she outrightly asks. And of course, as a woman, she knows how to get money from me when she really needs it. For instance, I can鈥檛 just ignore her complaints about the child being sick. I鈥檒l have to step in if I have money.

How do you both run your home鈥檚 finances?

We don鈥檛 really discuss it; we just know what the other has to do to contribute to the expenses. I pay 鈧�450k in rent for our mini flat, pay for electricity, and drop 鈧�10k every week for food. If the food money isn鈥檛 enough, she adds money. 

She also handles the children鈥檚 needs and small things around the house. Sometimes when I鈥檓 broke, Sola loans me money, and I pay her back when I make money. We know how to manage ourselves.

Do you have a budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

No. We don鈥檛 spend money on unnecessary things. If she sees something she likes and needs, she tells me, and if I have money, I鈥檒l give it to her. If I don鈥檛, we leave it. I鈥檓 not a birthday person like that, so I don鈥檛 need gifts. If she wants to make me happy, she knows she just needs to cook my favourite meal and let me rest. 

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I put 鈧�30k into a monthly ajo contribution, so I only need to add a little money to it and pay rent. Sola knows how to manage money, so whenever I have excess cash, I give it to her to keep for me. Most of the time, we still use whatever I keep with her to handle household needs or family emergencies. 

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

I hope to be a major electronics supplier in the future. At least, if I make enough money to do business, we鈥檒l be able to live a better life and enjoy good things. Sola is also always talking about building her own school someday. So, that鈥檒l be good too.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I鈥檓 a Heavy Saver, but He鈥檚 an Impulse Spender

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My boyfriend, Francis, and I started dating in July 2025, so that鈥檚 about seven months.

How did you meet?

We met when I visited Lagos to attend an older friend鈥檚 wedding. The Sunday after the wedding, I attended the couple鈥檚 thanksgiving at the groom鈥檚 church as well. 

Francis was one of the church鈥檚 instrumentalists, and he approached me at the end of the service. He said he liked how well I danced and wanted to be my friend. I was reluctant because of what people typically say about church instrumentalists: how they share heartbreak everywhere. Still, I thought he looked good and decided to give him a chance for the plot. If it didn鈥檛 work out, I could say a fine boy broke my heart.

I鈥檓 screaming. But he was just offering friendship, right?

Everybody knows 鈥淚 want to be your friend鈥� is code for 鈥淚 like you, but I don鈥檛 want to say it yet.鈥� Especially when it鈥檚 coming from a guy.

I guess I can鈥檛 fault that. When did romance enter the picture?

Almost immediately. After exchanging numbers, we chatted on WhatsApp for a couple of days, and then he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. 

I almost didn鈥檛 accept because I鈥檇 already returned home to Akure. He lived in Lagos, and I鈥檇 never tried a long-distance relationship. It helped that he came to Akure to take me out on a date and make a physical version of the girlfriend proposal. I thought that was romantic. 

How have you both been navigating the distance? 

Francis doesn鈥檛 let me really feel the distance. He travels to see me here at least twice a month. I live with my sister鈥檚 family, but whenever Francis visits, I tell her I鈥檓 spending the night with a friend so I can stay with him 鈥� he has a friend here who is kind enough to let us both sleep in his room. I have a feeling my sister knows I go to see my boyfriend, but thankfully, she鈥檚 pretty cool and doesn鈥檛 give me wahala.

Besides visits, we also do a lot of calls and texts. It鈥檚 just like a regular relationship; the only difference is all the planning that goes into seeing each other.

Who handles these travel expenses?

Francis does. One trip costs approximately 鈧�20k to and fro, minus other small expenses like taking bikes and buses within Akure. Sometimes, when he comes around, we go to eateries or the cinema, and he pays for those dates too. However, we mostly stay indoors, and I handle the cooking. 

To be honest, I鈥檝e been trying to get him to cut down on the trips. I know he gets paid to play instruments at the church and also makes money from his freelance graphic design hustle, but I feel the regular trips are a waste of money. He spends at least 鈧�60k every month on our relationship, and I don鈥檛 think he earns more than 鈧�200k. I can鈥檛 imagine spending like that. 

I guess he disagrees with cutting down the trips?

It鈥檚 funny. When I raise concerns about money and suggest that he travel only once per month, he鈥檒l actually agree. Then, a few days later, I鈥檒l hear he鈥檚 on a bus heading to Akure. He can be quite impulsive like that.

On the one hand, I like seeing him regularly, but on the other hand, I can鈥檛 encourage him to come all the time because of the cost. Hopefully, we will find a solution to the distance soon. 

I鈥檓 currently on the hunt for Lagos-based jobs so I can have a reason to move and be closer to him. My current job is with a Lagos-based company, but it鈥檚 remote. Also, I can鈥檛 live comfortably in Lagos on a 鈧�150k salary. So, I鈥檓 hoping to get something with better pay so I can afford rent.

Rooting for you. What kind of conversations do you and Francis have about money?

Recently, it鈥檚 mostly been me trying to educate him about the importance of saving and really thinking through financial decisions before making them. 

He鈥檚 a very impulsive spender, and I only discovered that about four months ago. Someone at his church gave him 鈧�500k, and that same day, he used it to trade his phone for an iPhone 14. When he told me what he had done, I was so confused. 

Before that money came, he had been complaining about electricity issues at his place, and I suggested he buy a mini power station for backup. How come the first thought that came to his mind after getting free money was a phone? When I told him that, he was like, 鈥淥h, that鈥檚 true. I completely forgot.鈥� 

This is just one example of his money habits, and it鈥檚 the one thing about him I鈥檓 struggling to get used to because of how very different we are in that regard. I鈥檓 a heavy saver. I only spend like 20% of my salary each month and save the rest on Piggyvest. My default setting is to save whatever money enters my hands. It鈥檚 strange to be with someone whose default setting is to spend money. 

Do you think the difference in money habits could be a dealbreaker?

It鈥檚 mostly just an annoying trait for now, not that it鈥檚 affecting our relationship itself. It鈥檚 not really a big problem. I imagine we鈥檒l need to address it properly as the years go by. But for now, I鈥檓 just doing my best to caution him where necessary. 

You mentioned only spending 20% of your monthly income. Does that include a budget for relationship expenses?

I don鈥檛 spend a lot of money in our relationship. Like I mentioned, the most I do is cook for Francis a few times, and the highest I spend is 鈧�10k. This is probably my own red flag, but I don鈥檛 like spending money. 

I like the idea of seeing money in my account, so I only touch my account when it鈥檚 absolutely necessary. Also, my salary is quite poor, so I believe it makes sense to limit my expenses as much as possible and build up a safety net while I look for better income options.

Francis is the giver in the relationship. Besides the trips and occasional dates, he sends me airtime and data sometimes, usually around 鈧�5k. He also buys me small gifts when he visits, like earrings and perfume. 

What does your safety net look like?

I have 鈧�2.2m in my savings. I鈥檝e been building this since 2022, so it should really be more than that. I鈥檝e had to dip into it a few times to handle emergencies.

Do you know if Francis has a safety net?

I鈥檓 sure he doesn鈥檛. I鈥檓 still trying to get him to save sef.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

It鈥檒l be nice to be able to afford a couple鈥檚 vacation outside the country one day.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Never Should Have Agreed to a 50/50 Partnership

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

Four years. My husband, Femi, and I dated for two years before we got married in February 2024.

How did you meet?

We attended the same secondary school, but Femi was about two sets ahead of me, so we didn鈥檛 meet there. We interacted for the first time on our school alumni WhatsApp group. 

The admins had organised a small competition, and Femi and I were head-to-head, dragging it out for the first prize of 鈧�1k in airtime. Anyway, I won, and Femi entered my DM and was like, 鈥淚 like your competitive spirit.鈥� 

We started talking and vibed right away. Within weeks, we鈥檇 planned a meet-up at his friend鈥檚 house party. We became official that night.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

We talked a lot. It鈥檚 almost like we knew we鈥檇 be endgame right from the start, so a lot of our conversations were about our future; how we鈥檇 run our home, etc. 

I鈥檇 never gotten so serious with a romantic partner as fast, and it convinced me Femi was the one. Also, he wasn鈥檛 a misogynist, which was very important to me. I鈥檝e dated my share of men who think women are beneath them, so I deliberately asked Femi several questions to feel him out, and his answers satisfied me. 

Did these conversations also extend to money?

Oh yes. Femi was the first man I鈥檝e dated to tell me his salary straight up without me asking. He worked in HR and was earning 鈧�200k/month when we started dating. I鈥檇 just pivoted into data analysis and was still hustling for internships paying 鈧�80k – 鈧�100k/month. 

We were very open with each other about our earnings and subconsciously started applying a 50/50 approach to joint expenses like dates.

Subconsciously?

Yeah. I鈥檓 not sure when or how we decided to split expenses. We just started doing it. If Femi initiated a date today, he would pay the bills. If I initiated tomorrow, I would handle the bills. 

One time, we travelled out of state for a three-day staycation, and we took turns paying the bills. For instance, Femi paid for the transportation, and when we got there, I paid the hotel fee. He didn鈥檛 ask me to do so; I just did. It was like an unspoken rule in our relationship.

I see

We later had a proper conversation about finances during our wedding planning in late 2023. As part of our church鈥檚 marriage counselling process, they give the intending couple a list of topics and conversation guides to discuss to ensure we are on the same page. 

One of the topics was 鈥淗ow we intend to split finances after marriage.鈥� The day we discussed it, Femi read out the topic and immediately answered, 鈥淥f course, we鈥檒l split bills equally, right?鈥� I didn鈥檛 think much of it and just said yes, especially since we were already doing a form of it. 

Knowing what I do now, I should鈥檝e never agreed to that. I think I was tricked into accepting that, haha. 50/50 never favours women.

Why? What changed?

For starters, any married woman who intends to be a mother is already at a disadvantage. There can never be equality in sharing responsibilities because she naturally takes up a bulk of the child care and mental labour.

We have a five-month-old baby now. Even though both Femi and I work, I handle over 90% of the child care because I鈥檓 the mother. Plus, I work from home, so I must juggle both motherhood and work stress. On top of that, I contribute equally to the home expenses. 

In fact, up until last month, I was contributing more because I handle food bills while Femi takes care of rent. One thing people don鈥檛 know is that daily food expenses add up and can be even more financially draining than 鈥渂ig bills鈥� like rent. Imagine spending 鈧�40k on food weekly, that鈥檚 like 鈧�160k monthly and almost 鈧�2m yearly. Meanwhile, our rent is 鈧�1.8m. 

When I clocked that towards the end of last year, I had to do a food expenses breakdown with Femi so he鈥檇 understand. Besides the food bills, I do more of the house chores. Femi does his share of the laundry and cleaning, but he doesn鈥檛 know how to cook, so I do it. Cooking is serious work o.

I agree like mad

Exactly. So, I don鈥檛 believe we鈥檙e doing a purely 50/50 arrangement. Also, Femi changed jobs recently and now earns 鈧�700k/month, which is more than my 鈧�550k. I鈥檝e told him we need to revisit our arrangement so he takes on more responsibility and I take less. He鈥檚 pushing back, saying he鈥檇 like us to save the extra income for joint projects. 

So right now, I鈥檓 in a dilemma. His reason for keeping things the way they are makes sense. It鈥檒l be great to have more savings. But something tells me that if I fail to overturn the 50/50 arrangement now, something will always come up to stop us from reviewing our finances. I might be stuck in this situation forever. I wish I鈥檇 known better before starting it. I鈥檓 trying to believe all hope is not lost yet, though. I鈥檒l keep bringing it up.

Hopefully, you both find something that sticks. How do dates and gifting work in your relationship?

We used to do biweekly dates when we were dating, but marriage and parenting have turned it into a once-in-a-blue-moon activity. The last time we went out was to celebrate our anniversary a few days ago. We ate at a nice restaurant, and Femi handled the bills.

For gifts, we don鈥檛 do that a lot. Maybe it鈥檚 because we鈥檙e often talking to each other about planned expenses. Whenever someone needs something, we just talk about it to decide whether we can afford it, then buy it. 

How about savings?

We both contribute 20% of our incomes to a shared savings account, hold on to 25% for personal expenses (or savings) and then push the rest towards our home expenses. 

We use the money in the joint savings for big projects. We currently have nothing in the account, because we just liquidated it to install a solar power and inverter system at home. It cost us 鈧�2.5m.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

Ideally? For both of us to become billionaires with real estate and stock assets.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听We Can Afford Our Needs, but I鈥檓 Not Financially Ready for a Baby

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My wife, Tolani, and I got married in March 2024. We鈥檇 dated for a year prior to that. So we鈥檝e been together for almost three years.

How did you meet your wife?

I knew her from a distance for about five years before we started dating. We attended different branches of the same church and saw each other once or twice a year during joint programs or workers鈥� meetings. I didn鈥檛 know much about her. She was just one of the sisters in church.

In 2022, I was transferred to work at another church branch that had been newly formed. To grow the branch, the church leaders sent workers from a few existing branches to help there. Tolani and I were part of the transferred workers. 

Working closely with Tolani, I learned more about her, and I liked what I saw. She ticked all my boxes, so I prayed about it and asked her out. She also prayed and said 鈥測es鈥� after five months. 

Five months?

She kept me waiting for a long time, haha. She鈥檇 just come out of a long-term toxic relationship, needed time to heal and be sure of what God was saying about another relationship. She told me this and even said I was free to let her go if I needed an answer immediately 鈥� she didn鈥檛 want to delay me. 

But I was fine waiting. I believed she was the one, and if she needed time to become the best version of herself before we got together, then it was in my best interest to give her time. I also wasn鈥檛 in a particular hurry to get married. For one, my income wasn鈥檛 stable.

Why was that?

I was working as an assistant to a solar technician, learning to install solar panels and CCTV systems. I didn鈥檛 have a salary. My boss usually gave me a 鈧�5k or 鈧�10k stipend whenever we went for installations. If I did the installations myself, I could make around 鈧�20k or 鈧�30k. 

I also made a little money from occasionally helping people buy inverters and solar panels. Since I didn鈥檛 have a specific monthly income, it was tough to plan my finances. I just told myself I couldn鈥檛 get married until I finished learning and became my own boss.

Thankfully, the week Tolani agreed to enter a relationship with me, I got a job with an energy company to work as a solar technician. I still work there today, and they pay me 鈧�100k/month. A year later 鈥� just around the time we got married 鈥� I began taking on personal installation gigs on the side, which sometimes pushes up my monthly income to 鈧�200k or more. 

Now that I think about it, my finances started to get better when Tolani came into my life.

That鈥檚 cute. How does your wife earn an income?

My wife does a little of everything. Her main hustle is baking. She bakes cakes and snacks, and sometimes cooks for people. She also knows how to braid hair, sew dresses and do makeup. She often says, 鈥淛ust tell me whatever service you need, and I鈥檒l tell you whether I can do it.鈥� 

An enterprising queen

Oh, she is. Since she does a lot of things, it鈥檚 tough to predict exactly how much she鈥檒l earn a month. Also, she doesn鈥檛 have a shop, so she does most of her work from home. The lack of a shop limits her ability to advertise, so most of her clients come through referrals. It also means her income isn鈥檛 very stable.

How do you both run your home鈥檚 expenses?

We鈥檙e very transparent with our earnings and work with what we have. For instance, we use whatever Tolani earns each week to cover small household needs like fuel, gas, and electricity bills, while I handle other expenses such as food and rent. 

Tolani is our home鈥檚 accountant. Whenever I get installation side gigs, I send the money to Tolani to hold for me while we decide what to spend it on. I鈥檓 not good with tracking money or spending wisely, so it鈥檚 better to let my wife do it. 

When I get broke before salary enters, I ask her if there鈥檚 any money left in the 鈥渁ccount鈥� 鈥� that is, the money I kept with her 鈥� and if there is, she gives me. 

Also, I get her permission before buying anything. I don鈥檛 always make the best financial decisions, so it鈥檚 better to get a second opinion before spending money.

Sounds like you鈥檝e both settled on a working strategy. Do you ever disagree about money, though?

Most of our money issues happen whenever I spend unnecessarily. She complains, I try to defend myself, and it often leads to quarrels. That鈥檚 why I even adopted the habit of telling her before making any money decision, just so we can have peace at home. 

Another somewhat money-related issue is my decision to delay having kids until our financial situation becomes better. 

Isn鈥檛 your wife on board with that?

She isn鈥檛. Left to her, she wanted to get pregnant the month we got married. She believes we鈥檒l surely find a way to provide for our child as long as we keep pooling our resources together. However, I don鈥檛 think we鈥檙e ready.

My income is the only stable one; we have zero savings, and we only earn enough to comfortably pay rent. I know we can afford the basic necessities and a little comfort, but I鈥檓 not financially ready for a baby.

Our church and family members are already asking why we aren鈥檛 pregnant yet and sending us prayers for 鈥渇ruit of the womb,鈥� but I鈥檇 rather they pray for us to make money instead. If I start earning 鈧�500k today, I鈥檒l think about trying for a baby.

Tolani isn鈥檛 happy with my decision and often complains about it. The arguments have become more frequent as we approach our second year of marriage, but I think my decision is in our best interest. I鈥檇 understand if we mistakenly got pregnant. But to deliberately get pregnant in this situation? It鈥檇 be too bad.

That鈥檚 fair, I guess. Have you considered what you鈥檇 do if your income doesn鈥檛 improve in the near future?

Hmm. I really hope things change soon. But if it doesn鈥檛 in the next two or three years, I might have to cave in and let us have a baby. I won鈥檛 be happy about it, but I doubt Tolani will wait for much longer than that.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

A future outside Nigeria. I鈥檓 constantly researching different relocation options; it鈥檚 just money that鈥檚 still keeping us in this country.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He鈥檚 Invested a Lot in Me, but I Don鈥檛 Want To Be With Him

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My boyfriend, Justin, and I have been dating since 2019. We鈥檒l have been together for seven years in October 2026.

That鈥檚 a considerable amount of time. How did you meet?

We used to live in the same neighbourhood when my parents were still together. Justin was my elder sister鈥檚 plug for hair extensions. He had this big shop, and literally everyone in our area bought from him. 

Sometimes, I鈥檇 follow my sister to his shop, and he鈥檇 jokingly call me, 鈥淢y wife鈥�. It wasn鈥檛 like he was asking me out, though. He was just fond of me. This was around 2018, when I was in senior secondary three (SS3).

That same year, my parents separated after years of constant fights. My mum and siblings moved away to stay with family, but I couldn鈥檛 join them because of school. However, I faced a challenge: I had nowhere to stay nearby, and I hadn鈥檛 paid my WAEC fees either. Justin learned about the situation and invited me to stay with his sister while I wrote my exam. 

He also paid my WAEC fees and gave me 鈧�3k weekly to cover my transportation and anything else I needed. It wasn鈥檛 like I even needed extra money because his sister fed me, too.

Were there still no relationship talks at this time?

Not at all. He was just like a guardian who paid my bills, and I really appreciated that. After my WAEC, he paid 鈧�30k/month for my three-month JAMB tutorial lessons. Even after I left his sister鈥檚 place and moved in with my mum, he continued to check on me. He gave me my first phone, his old Tecno phone, and we chatted regularly over Facebook and WhatsApp.

He finally asked me out on my birthday in 2019. At this point, I already knew he liked me and was wondering why he didn鈥檛 just open his mouth and say it. I first assumed he was much older than me and was shy. Then I discovered it was just an eight-year age gap (which I don’t think is a lot). He wasn鈥檛 old; he was just shy.听

Anyway, I accepted his request immediately, and we鈥檝e been together since.

You were about a year out of secondary school at the time. What were your finances like?

This is one aspect I鈥檒l forever appreciate Justin for. I had nothing, no money, no parents to support me, and no idea if I鈥檇 even be able to afford to continue my education. But Justin stepped in and handled everything.

He sponsored my university costs, supported me when I needed capital to start my own online hair business, and often helped my family as well. He once gave my mum 鈧�500k for house rent. 

I recently finished my NYSC and now have a job that pays me 鈧�300k/month. However, if I ever need money, I only have to call, and he鈥檚 ready to help me. He鈥檚 a good man. Sometimes when I think about how good he has been to me, I feel incredibly guilty.

Why do you feel guilty?

I鈥檝e been having second thoughts about my feelings for him for a few months. We started living together in 2025, and I鈥檝e noticed some behaviours I鈥檓 uncomfortable with. 

For instance, he expects me to do every single house chore. That ordinarily wouldn鈥檛 be a problem, but the few times I complained about having to cook twice a day without help, he implied that I could just quit my job since he was already handling all the bills. It鈥檚 like he wants me to be a housewife, but I want to work. I鈥檝e heard stories about how women need to have their own money. 

Hmmm

Also, I feel like our emotional closeness has declined. He鈥檚 never been the romantic type, and I always told myself I didn鈥檛 need romance. But over the years, it鈥檚 felt like it鈥檚 a big missing piece in our relationship.

I鈥檝e been trying to force him into giving me a pet name for years, but Justin still calls me by my full government name. He loves me in his own way, but to say it is war. I know he had a tough childhood and had to hustle from a young age, but sometimes I just want soft love. He鈥檚 just straightforward; no petting or romance. 

Whenever we argue, or I鈥檓 angry about something, he鈥檇 rather send money than apologise or talk things through. Money is good, but it鈥檚 not the answer to everything. I see the way people play with their partners online. Mine is always thinking of business. 

Have you discussed these concerns with him?

That鈥檚 all I ever complain about. Nothing changes. I鈥檝e just had to tell myself that it鈥檚 not fair to want to force him to change. That鈥檚 the way he is. If I love him, I shouldn鈥檛 want to make him someone he isn’t. The fact that I鈥檓 trying so desperately to change him must mean I don鈥檛 love him.

Honestly? I don鈥檛 think I really want to be with him. However, I can鈥檛 leave. He鈥檚 invested so much in me and has been so good to me. It wouldn鈥檛 make sense for me to leave him now. Besides, what reasons would I give? He isn鈥檛 romantic and wants me to be a housewife? People will judge me for 鈥渆ating his money鈥� all these years.

So, do you just plan to marry him out of a sense of responsibility?

Putting it that way sounds somehow. I鈥檓 just hoping that as I grow older, things like romance will stop being such a big deal to me. Either that, or I grow to accept him for who he is.

Also, it doesn鈥檛 appear we鈥檒l get married anytime soon. Justin wants to build his house and change his car before we get married. He already has land, but the economy has been bad for business, and he鈥檚 pushed back his building plans to the end of 2026 or 2027. I honestly don鈥檛 think he鈥檚 in a hurry to marry. I鈥檓 not either. 

He also wants me to get pregnant before we get married, but I鈥檓 not ready for that, so I鈥檓 secretly using contraceptives. I won鈥檛 get pregnant until I see him take decisive steps towards a wedding.

Alright then. What kind of money conversations do you both have?

We don鈥檛 really talk about our finances. He knows how much I earn, but I don鈥檛 ask him how much he has. If I need something, I ask him, and he gives it to me if he has the money. If not, he tells me to hold on till he does. 

He used to give me a monthly allowance when I was in school and during my service year, but that stopped when we moved in together. Now, he just gives me 鈧�300k monthly for our food expenses, and I ask if I need anything else.

How do dates and gifts work in your relationship?

We don鈥檛 do dates. Again, because of the lack of romance issues. He buys me gifts regularly, though. He bought me the iPhone 17 Pro Max when it came out for no reason at all. It wasn鈥檛 even my birthday. For me, I usually limit the gifts to his birthdays and during anniversaries.

Do you both have safety nets?

I鈥檓 sure Justin has. He鈥檚 very business-minded and money-conscious, so I鈥檓 sure he has savings somewhere. He also has some land in his village. Me, I鈥檓 the spender in the relationship. It鈥檚 difficult for me to save because there鈥檚 always something to buy. I have like 鈧�600k in my Piggyvest sha.

What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?

Justin wants us to leave the country one day, so that鈥檚 probably what an ideal future would be.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:听My Wife Doesn鈥檛 Like Spending Her Money on Our Family

听for relatable stories and actionable insights to help you make the most out of your money.

In 2025, through the 鈥淟ove Currency鈥� series, we explored how money shapes modern relationships. Every other week, these stories showcased the various ways couples negotiate love, trust, and independence through their finances. 

As the year comes to a close, we compiled the 10 most-read stories of 2025 to highlight the debates, dilemmas, and creative solutions that Nigerians have shared as they navigate financial compatibility in their partnerships.

1. She鈥檚 Proving Her Love and Submission With Her Finances

This episode sparked multiple debates and conversations, and it鈥檚 easy to see why. The couple, Loveth and Dele, have a rather interesting approach to finances. 

Loveth explains why she deliberately sends her entire salary to her husband. It鈥檚 her way of showing love and submitting financially, even taking the lead on dates and gifts while learning to let go of control in the relationship. 

Loveth believes this approach has helped build trust and a united financial future. However, it鈥檚 not advice she鈥檇 give everyone.

Read this story here.

2. She鈥檚 Trying to Secure Their Financial Future, but Her Husband Might Be Her Biggest Blocker

Anita thought she was building a secure future with her husband, but his impulsive habit of giving almost all their money to the church left their savings empty, and even led him to spend their joint savings without telling her. 

Despite the money drama, they seem to have found and settled into a system that works for them.

Read their story here.

3.听 鈥淪he鈥檚 the One but We鈥檙e Financially Incompatible鈥�

Samuel is convinced his girlfriend, Precious, is 鈥渢he one.鈥� Still, he has a problem. He believes Precious spends her modest salary impulsively, which makes him worry that they may be financially incompatible for a future together. He doesn鈥檛 trust her money habits to survive real-world financial ups and downs, and this one problem might spell the end for their relationship.

Read this story here.

4. The Lagos Housewife Trying to Make the Best of Her 鈧�100k Allowance

Merit is a Lagos housewife on a 鈧�100k monthly allowance from her husband. While she loves being supported, she鈥檚 frustrated by not having her own income and a say in how money is spent. 

Her strategy? Secretly saving cash while dreaming of getting a job so she can contribute more and feel financially independent in their marriage.

Read this story here.

5. 鈥淢y Wife鈥檚 Salary Is Important, but I Want Her to Quit鈥�

Emeka swears he loves his wife, Uchechi, and values her salary. But after six years of marriage, he keeps pushing for her to quit her job so she can spend more time at home and focus on family responsibilities. Now, he has issued an ultimatum: Uchechi has until the end of the year to come to a favourable decision.

Read this story here.

6. This Tech Sis Earns 鈧�750k/Month, but Her Partner Will Never Know

Laura intentionally keeps her salary secret from her boyfriend Darryl because she鈥檚 been previously burned by money drama and doesn鈥檛 want him to treat her differently. 

She insists on financial privacy and independence, even as she dreams of building a business together one day.

Read this story here.

7. This Product Manager Is Experiencing Breadwinner Burnout

Damien loves his family, but since his wife, Josephine, had to quit work due to a difficult pregnancy, he鈥檚 been the sole breadwinner. Now he鈥檚 exhausted and counting down the days until she can find a job so he can finally get a break from carrying the whole financial load.

Read this story here.

8. The Customer Service Supervisor Cohabiting in Lagos on a Combined 鈧�4m Salary

Jack and Pat have been cohabiting for almost 5 years, splitting 50-50 on rent and bills while navigating the joys of gifting, shared expenses, and occasional budget clashes. 

Despite earning similar income now, they still butt heads over spending habits and risk tolerance.

Read this story here.

9. The Marketing Pro Seamlessly Running His Home on a Combined 鈧�2.9m/Month Income

Seyi and Fiyin have been building life together for over a decade, and with their combined incomes, they juggle bills, savings, and plans to relocate 鈥� all while keeping money talk smooth and mostly conflict-free. 

Their story took teamwork to an impressive level, showing that communication and planning can make love and money work.

Read this story here.

10. The Second Wife Who鈥檚 Pursuing Financial Independence on a 鈧�280k/Month Income

Rofiat became her husband鈥檚 second wife and went from hustling independently to relying on a tiny weekly allowance, so she fought her way back to financial freedom by convincing him to fund her business. 

Even though her husband still pays most of the big bills, she鈥檚 laser-focused on keeping her independence, especially because she knows more mouths (and possibly more wives) could join the household later. 

Read this story here.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My wife, Rhoda, and I have been together for six years and married for four.

How did you meet?

Through a mutual friend. I needed a tailor to sew some outfits for a family event, and I remembered my friend who always looked sharp in native attire. So, I asked for his tailor鈥檚 details, and it turned out to be Rhoda. 

The first thing I noticed was how pretty she was. Also, she seemed really hardworking. I went to her studio to give her the materials, and the place was filled with apprentices, with customers dropping in at intervals. I love seeing young people do really good work, and besides her beauty, that was another thing I admired about Rhoda. 

I didn鈥檛 fall in love on the spot, but there was definitely fascination at first sight. Even when she delayed my outfits and gave multiple excuses like Nigerian tailors usually do, I didn鈥檛 get angry (laughs). 

So, how did you move from a working relationship to a romantic one?

After I got my outfits, I kept chatting her up at intervals. At first, she wasn鈥檛 the most responsive. But she must鈥檝e noticed I was trying to get close because she eventually started responding regularly. 

We talked for almost a month before we went on our first date at a restaurant I鈥檇 been meaning to check out. I spent about 鈧�35k on food and transportation for that date. That鈥檚 where I popped the question: Will you be my girlfriend? She said yes.

That鈥檚 sweet. What were your finances like at the time?

I鈥檇 just gotten my first official job, earning 鈧�100k/month and squatting with my brother to save on rent expenses. 

Rhoda and I didn鈥檛 really talk about each other鈥檚 finances while we were dating, but I鈥檓 sure she made more money than I did. Her business was quite successful, and she even bailed me out with the odd 鈧�10k once in a while when I went broke before salary day. 

Also, after we got engaged, she often visited me at my brother鈥檚 house to cook for me out of her own pocket. So, while we didn鈥檛 actually sit down to track how much either of us was making, we had this unspoken agreement that we鈥檇 do nice things for each other whenever we had money. For instance, Rhoda hasn’t paid for internet ever since we got together, because I always buy her data. She also buys me stuff, so it鈥檚 vice versa.

The first time we made a specific effort to discuss our expenses was during our 2021 wedding planning. 

What did you both agree on?

We agreed that it wasn鈥檛 realistic for me to handle all the expenses. I think my salary at the time was just under 鈧�200k/month, with a few side hustles bringing in extra money here and there. 

So, we agreed that I鈥檇 handle bills like the hall and photography, while Rhoda would handle the outfits and her makeup. Our parents chipped in to help with food, hall decoration and other small expenses. It wasn鈥檛 a big over-the-top wedding. We just did what we could afford. I鈥檓 not sure our total expenses reached 鈧�2m.

What鈥檚 the financial dynamic like now that you鈥檙e married? Do you still split bills?

Yes, we split bills. However, I can鈥檛 say we鈥檝e settled on an approach that works for us. I think this is because we didn鈥檛 clearly share our financial expectations with each other before marriage.

I believe that my money is our money, and my wife鈥檚 money should be ours too. When one person brings out money to pay house rent or buy food, it鈥檚 not a case of 鈥淚 paid the rent,鈥� it鈥檚 all our money. So whether it comes from my wife or me, we should use it together for the good of our home.

However, Rhoda can be particular about her money. She believes I should take on the bulk of the expenses, so whenever she has to pay for something, she complains or acts like she鈥檚 shouldering my responsibility.

It鈥檚 strange because she didn鈥檛 give me this impression of her when we were dating. Or maybe I didn鈥檛 notice because we didn鈥檛 have shared expenses. 

Hmm. Does this cause friction between the two of you?

At first, we fought a lot about it. I鈥檓 a salary earner, so it鈥檚 inevitable that I鈥檒l be broke before salary day. 

So, what usually happened was that I鈥檇 spend all my money on transportation and household expenses. When it finished, I鈥檇 ask her to support my transportation and pick up the rest of the bills.

I didn鈥檛 know she found that uncomfortable. To her, it was as if I was forcing her into a breadwinner role and collecting her money. So, she鈥檇 complain about it, and that didn鈥檛 go down well with me. It felt like she was saying she didn鈥檛 want to contribute at all. As a result, we fought a lot about money in the first two to three years of our marriage. We even saw counsellors in church.

We鈥檙e better now, but it鈥檚 not necessarily because Rhoda has changed; I鈥檓 just learning to live with it. She now covers most of the food expenses, while I handle the rest. Despite that, she often complains about how expensive things have become, but I just try to ignore her. Sometimes, I support the food expenses. Other times, I simply tell her to manage what we have. If there鈥檚 no money, we can drink garri.

Do you both know what the other earns now?

My wife knows how much I earn. She also knows that I regularly take on side hustles to cover expenses, but we don鈥檛 really discuss how much I earn from side gigs because the amount is not a constant figure.

My wife doesn鈥檛 work a salaried job, and I don鈥檛 track everything that enters her account, so I can鈥檛 say this exact figure is her monthly income. However, since we鈥檝e been taking our money issues to counsellors, she鈥檚 been trying to be open about her income. She can just say, 鈥淎 client paid me 鈧�50k today, so I used it to buy chicken鈥� or something like that.  

I still think she isn鈥檛 pulling her weight, though. I mean, she helps, but I don’t think she鈥檚 contributing fairly. I work multiple jobs to earn around 鈧�600k monthly, but we鈥檙e not living a good life. It鈥檚 even more difficult because we have a child. I believe we鈥檇 be more comfortable if my wife were more open to pooling resources, but raising matters like this often leads to long talk, so I just let it be. 

Interesting. Do you both have safety nets?

It鈥檚 mostly for rent. Our rent costs 鈧�800k/year, and I save 鈧�50k monthly, while Rhoda pitches in whenever she has extra money to make up the full amount. I also have a different 鈧�50k/month savings for emergencies. I have a little under 鈧�800k in the emergency fund.

Over the years, we鈥檝e had to take loans for major projects. For instance, in 2022, we took a 鈧�1m loan to set up our solar electricity system and inverter. I don’t think I’ll do that again anytime soon. Since I couldn’t manage to save and repay the loan at the same time, I asked Rhoda to fund part of the monthly repayment 鈥� we were paying around 鈧�100k/month, so she was bringing 鈧�65k. I know the complaints I got from her during that period. It’s like, you’re also enjoying this thing, but you want me to carry all or most of the financial burden because I’m the man. That’s not realistic. 

I just hope things will continue to improve and we’ll understand each other better as we spend more time together.

How do dates and gifts work in your relationship?

Dates are usually limited to birthdays and anniversaries. If it’s my birthday, my wife takes me out and handles the bills and vice versa. I usually handle the bills for anniversary dates, but we buy each other gifts. For our last anniversary, Rhoda bought me a pair of shoes, and I bought her a jewellery set for 鈧�20k.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

I’d just like us to be a true unit when it comes to finances one day. I think it’s only then that we can have big dreams, such as owning our own house or relocating in the future.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Tries His Best, but I Often Feel Financially Stressed

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, David, and I have been married for five years. We met in 2020 and married that same year.

How did that happen?

I’d just started my service year in Ekiti when the COVID lockdown happened. My parents live in Delta, which is quite a distance from Ekiti. I thought the lockdown would end quickly, so I stayed back, believing it would be a waste of money to go home. 

At that point, I was already a member of David’s father’s church, and the church helped corps members who didn’t want to go home find accommodation with church members. I stayed with a lady who lived close to David’s house, and almost every day, he would visit me, bearing food. 

According to David, he didn’t do that because he liked me. He’s just a giver who tries to help as many people as possible around him. However, we began to learn more about each other during these daily visits, and he felt that God had told him I would be his wife. When he told me this, we’d only known each other for two weeks.

What was your reaction?

I was surprised, but I prayed about it and got confirmation from God that he was the one. I initially didn’t even want to pray about his proposal. He was a pastor in his father’s church, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a pastor’s wife. 

I’ve always heard about the sacrifices it takes to marry a pastor. He wouldn’t likely make a lot of money, and I had to accept that he’d divide his time between his home and the church. I’d also need to be a 鈥渞ole model鈥� for women in the church, and have a big heart to mentor people and listen to their problems. It just felt like such a big role that I wasn’t prepared for. 

Additionally, I always had a mental picture of myself working for about two years and earning money before settling down. Yet, I was jobless, without any financial safety net, and God was telling me to get married. It felt like He was carrying all my plans and throwing them away to make way for His own.

However, I felt peace after praying and getting confirmation. I also shared my worries with his mum, and she gave me helpful advice and encouragement for the journey ahead. She helped me understand that God’s grace was available to support the responsibility He was placing on me, and I only needed to seek His help continually. 

So, I accepted David’s proposal, and we got married five months later.

What were finances like, considering you didn鈥檛 have a job and he was a pastor?

We lived on the goodwill of people for the first two years of our marriage. David鈥檚 dad used to give him a 鈧�30k salary, but even with the most extreme managing, the money only lasted us about three weeks. 

To make things worse, I got pregnant immediately after the wedding and had high blood pressure throughout the pregnancy and for some months after delivery, so I couldn鈥檛 work. Thankfully, we never went hungry. David’s parents and other church members often gave us foodstuff.

Things started to get better in 2023. I got my current job, which pays me 鈧�85k, and I started pitching in with living expenses. Sadly, David’s dad passed away in 2024, so he’s now the head pastor. The promotion came with a higher salary 鈥� 鈧�70k/month. We have two kids now, so our combined salary is still quite low, but God keeps providing for us.

What kind of money conversations do you have with your husband?

It’s mostly about what needs to be done or bought at home. We treat our finances like a joint system; whenever the other person gets money, we bring it to do what needs to be done. 

That’s especially necessary because, even though my husband has a salary, we can’t completely depend on it. I can just hear, 鈥淭his sister in church hasn’t paid school fees, so I sent her money,鈥� or 鈥淚 felt led to give this person money.鈥� Sometimes, he tells me before giving out money, but I can’t discourage him, even though it can be an inconvenience. I believe God blesses people so they can be a blessing to bless others. We’re also recipients of the generosity of others. 

So, I can’t stop him from emptying his account to help people. It’s just difficult to plan because I can’t say the money we have today is what we’ll have tomorrow. The only income we can plan on is my salary, because people usually go to the pastor for their financial problems, not his wife. 

Still, our finances are usually tight because 鈧�85k is not enough. My husband can still come and suggest that we use my salary to do something in the church. One time, we used the money we planned for electricity units to fix the church generator while we sat in darkness for two days.

Hmm

I often feel stressed because of our financial situation, but one thing I can say is that my husband tries his best to make me happy. He’s a good man.

I also try to put my hope in God instead of our bank accounts. Once, we were completely broke, and someone sent my husband 鈧�50k out of the blue. Miracles like that happen a lot. It’s just that, I’m someone who loves to plan. I don’t like waiting to 鈥渟ee what happens.鈥� But I’m learning to let God take control. 

What are your thoughts about safety nets?

I try to push for us to save for house rent and emergencies, but it hardly works out. What usually happens is that we’ll save for a while, and something almost always comes along to take the money away. 

Still, I ensure that I keep some money aside whenever we receive financial gifts or any extra money. Right now, I have 鈧�62k in my savings.

Do you have a budget for romance and gifts in your relationship?

There’s no budget; we just get things for each other when there’s money. People often tease me, saying I must have a turban in every colour, and that’s my husband’s doing. When he has money, he buys me turbans or Ankara material so we can sew matching outfits.

On the other hand, my husband doesn’t like gifts. I can buy him a wristwatch today, and he’ll say, 鈥淪omeone would have appreciated the money you used to buy this.鈥� So, I just maintain myself and only buy him things he absolutely needs, like singlets, boxers and shirts when I have money.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

One of my husband鈥檚 sons in the Lord recently gifted him a plot of land. The goal is for us to build a hostel so we can make money from it or build our own house. I believe it’ll be a good investment for our future.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: My Wife鈥檚 Salary Is Important, but I Want Her to Quit