Fatima* (26) and Toba* (29) met in July 2025 at an amusement park in Lagos. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the embarrassing moment that led to their first interaction, why he initially hesitated to pursue a relationship with her, and her decision to date someone who doesn’t fit her usual type.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Fatima: We met at a Lagos amusement park in July 2025. I was supposed to go with my friends, but they bailed at the last minute. I decided to go alone since I鈥檇 already booked my ticket. Toba was seated beside me on one of the rides.听

When it started spinning and going really fast, I screamed at the top of my lungs. I wasn’t mentally prepared for how intense and aggressive it would be. Then the absolute worst thing that could happen happened: my wig flew off. It went flying through the air. I was mortified beyond words. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.听

When the ride finally stopped, and we got off, I was so disoriented, dizzy, and nauseous from the spinning that I threw up right there. It was the most humiliating moment of my entire life. But he stepped in to check on me. He offered me water and heaped sand on my vomit. It was the nicest gesture I鈥檇 gotten from a stranger in a really long time.

Toba: I was at the park with my brother, nephew, and nieces. Just a random weekend outing with family. We were trying different rides, having fun. I noticed Fatima when she sat beside me on one of the rides. In my head, I was like 鈥淒amn! Who鈥檚 this pretty babe?鈥� But it was just a passing thought, not like I planned to make a move or anything. 

After the whole throwing-up episode, I felt concerned for her. My family tried to make sure she was comfortable. Then we left to try other attractions with my nieces and nephews, but I kept thinking about her, wondering if she was okay. So I came back to check on her. I did this two more times. By the third time I came back, she seemed much more settled and stable.

Fatima: When he came back the third time, he asked me to join his family for the rest of the day. On a normal day, I would have immediately turned down an invitation like that from a stranger. But at that point, after how kind he’d been, it didn’t seem harmful. I said yes.

Toba: We spent the rest of the day together at the park. My nieces and my nephew liked her. When it was time to leave, my brother insisted we drop Fatima off at home since her place was on our route. That’s when we exchanged contact information.

Sounds like the perfect meet up. What happened after that day?

Toba: I went snooping around Fatima’s Instagram. I just wanted to get a sense of her personality. Plus, I wanted to see more pictures of her. I liked everything I saw, and she ticked all my boxes physically. But despite all of that, I didn’t reach out.听

She鈥檚 a pretty babe, and I know from years of experience and observation that pretty girls are always hard to chase. They have multiple guys in their DMs trying to talk to them, and they’re used to receiving attention and compliments from all directions. I wasn’t in the right headspace to do that kind of heavy chasing at that time, as I was in the middle of preparing for very important professional exams.  So I moved on.

I see. Did you try to reach out, Fatima? 

Fatima: About a week after the park incident, I texted Toba. I apologised for not thanking him properly earlier for helping me that day. Honestly, I’d actually forgotten to reach out. The whole experience at the park was so embarrassing and overwhelming that I didn’t really process or think about the part where I’d received help from Toba and his family. When I finally remembered days later, I texted him immediately to say thank you.

Toba: When she texted, I used that opportunity to get closer since she’d reached out first. I tried to keep the conversation going beyond her 鈥渢hank you鈥� message. I’d randomly text her throughout the week about different things. Soon, we were talking regularly, and we developed a friendship.

Fatima: Was it exactly a friendship? Toba wanted more, and I could already tell from his behaviour. He would ask questions about my love life, whether I was seeing anyone, and what I was looking for. Or he’d randomly bring up his own relationship history even when I hadn’t asked. It was obvious where his mind was.

Right. So how did things progress over time, especially with your knowledge about his interest in you?

Fatima: Around August, my birthday was coming up. I was planning a potluck at my place with friends and some people I’d gotten close to. I invited Toba. I wasn’t sure if he’d come, but I extended the invitation anyway. He showed up with so many gifts. Like, an excessive amount of gifts. It was really cute and thoughtful, and some of my friends noticed. I remember one of them pressing me about who he was, and I just waved her aside.

Toba: I wanted to make a good impression. I wanted her to know I was serious about getting to know her better, even though I still hadn’t explicitly told her how I felt. I was still building up the courage. But that didn鈥檛 even last long because she legit hit me up to ask what the deal was.

Fatima: I really wanted to know his plan. I鈥檓 not a fan of stringing each other along. I like it when intentions are clear from the very beginning. Plus, I was already tired of the subtle hints and the whole dance. 

After I confronted him, he confessed his feelings. He told me he liked me and wanted us to be in a relationship.

Did he get a yes? 

Fatima: Not immediately. If I’m being completely transparent, by looks alone, Toba didn’t fit my spec. He looked nothing like my ex. I’ve always been very drawn to physical appearance and aesthetics in the men I date. My exes were all conventionally attractive, the kind of guys people would literally stop and stare at when they walked into a room. But every single one of those relationships came with serious, recurring problems. 

It was either that they cheated on me with multiple women or I was constantly insecure when I saw other women around them.听 I didn鈥檛 like the version of myself in those relationships. So after my last relationship, I made a mental note that whoever I dated next wouldn鈥檛 be conventionally attractive. Good looking, but not someone who鈥檒l draw too much attention to himself. Toba wasn’t ugly by any stretch of the imagination, but he wasn’t what I’d call too good-looking or conventionally gorgeous either. He also wasn’t particularly muscular or built like the gym bros I used to date.

Ouch. 

Toba: I actually brought this up myself once during one of our conversations. I told her I’d combed through her social media and seen the kind of guys she used to roll with. I knew I didn’t look like them. That was actually another reason I’d hesitated to pursue her. I made a joke about it, about how I knew I wasn’t her usual type physically.

Fatima: I found it really cute that he could joke about himself like that. He had self-awareness and confidence despite knowing he didn’t fit my usual spec. That actually made him more attractive to me. It showed emotional maturity. By September, I gave him a yes. I could have said yes the same month he asked, but I just wanted him to do a little more chasing. 

Fair enough. What were the early days of the relationship like? 

Fatima: We鈥檙e not up to a year yet, so I think it鈥檚 safe to say we鈥檙e still in the early days. The relationship has been good overall. I genuinely think I made the right decision. I trust him in a way I couldn’t trust my previous partners. I’m not constantly stressed about his whereabouts or who he’s talking to.  He鈥檚 kind, loving and intentional. 

Toba: Everything she said. And I think something she forgot to mention is her relationship with my family. I 诲辞苍鈥檛 think I鈥檝e dated anyone who they鈥檝e received so openly. It鈥檚 either there鈥檚 one complaint or the other. But everyone seems to love Fatima. We’ve had our moments, though. We had a significant fight once over a situation with one of Fatima’s friends.

Oh. Tell me about that.

Fatima: I’d confided in Toba about something that one of my close friends had said to me. This friend, someone I’d known for years, had made some comments about how Toba wasn’t fine or attractive enough for me. Honestly, she didn鈥檛 mean it that way. It was something I could have said as well. It was just normal girl-to-girl banter. We have a way of ranking guys based on their looks and style. I casually mentioned it to Toba because I didn鈥檛 think he’d get upset about it. But he did. 

Toba: It was a mix of different reasons. I鈥檇 been super nice to the babe, and she鈥檇 always shine her teeth whenever I came around. It was weird to think she鈥檇 say something like that about me, and even suggest that Fatima shouldn鈥檛 have agreed to date me. I would have let it slide, but she鈥檚 a constant in Fatima鈥檚 life, and I wouldn鈥檛 be able to carry on with the pretence if I didn鈥檛 say how I felt. I reached out to her privately and gave her a piece of my mind. But Fatima didn鈥檛 like that.

Fatima: I was disappointed. I felt like he’d crossed a boundary. I’d shared that information with him in confidence as my partner, not as an invitation for him to go and confront my friend. It led to a whole lot of back-and-forth between us. We argued about boundaries, about how to handle situations like that, about what’s appropriate and what’s not. I think it also made me realise that he could take a lot of jokes about his looks from me, but not from other people.

Toba: We resolved it after a lot of communication. But I don’t speak to that friend anymore. 

Curious, Toba. Was it really about her comment or the fact that she tried to sabotage your relationship?

Toba: The latter. I  don’t let comments or criticisms about my looks get to me anymore. Not even a little bit. I was bullied extensively in secondary school and throughout university because of my physical appearance. But I’ve developed extremely thick skin over all those years of dealing with it. Funny thing is, I鈥檝e consistently dated women who are significantly prettier and more attractive than people who troll me. So people鈥檚 opinions and judgments don’t hold any real weight.

Fatima: That confidence is part of what attracted me to him. He knows who he is. He’s not trying to prove anything to anyone.

Sweet. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Toba: Fatima is beautiful, intelligent, and she chose me despite what everyone else thought. She looked past the surface and saw my value. That means everything to me. I wake up every day wanting to prove that she made the right choice.

Fatima: I have genuine peace in this relationship that I never had before. I’m not constantly anxious or insecure. I’m not worried about him cheating or leaving me for someone else. I can just exist and be happy. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Fatima: I’d give it an 8. We’re still relatively new, but it’s been really good so far. 

Toba: I’d say 8 as well. We have a strong foundation, we communicate well, and we鈥檙e building something solid. I’m excited about where we’re headed.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

Henrietta and Ayo, navigate stigma, shame, and a world that would rather they stayed quiet. But silence has its limits. Watch .

Deborah* (30) and Oba* (33) met and struck up a friendship at work in  2021. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about him being everyone’s favourite coworker, the night in Ibadan that changed their friendship, and getting engaged despite her family’s concerns about his decision to leave banking to become a full-time pastor.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Deborah: Oba and I met in 2021 after I was transferred to the bank branch where he worked. Oba was my first point of contact when I arrived. He seemed genuinely nice from that first interaction: he helped me settle in, showed me around, introduced me to people, and explained how things worked in the branch. But it didn’t take long for me to realise that Oba wasn’t just nice to me. He was everyone’s favourite coworker, just generally being kind and approachable. Everybody liked him and wanted to be around him.

Oba: I didn’t have it easy when I  joined the banking industry. The system can be harsh, and people can be unkind. But I made a conscious decision not to let the system change who I was. I was intentional about being nice, being helpful, and maintaining my values even in a difficult work environment. 

That鈥檚 why I help everyone settle in. That鈥檚 also how I met Deborah, and we naturally struck a cordial bond.

Right. Let鈥檚 talk about the first few months working together.

Deborah: We started off as cordial coworkers and had nothing beyond work conversations. But I found myself wanting his friendship. He seemed like someone I’d genuinely get along with outside of work. The problem was that being friends with everyone’s favourite coworker wasn’t easy. Some colleagues were already starting to get jealous of the attention he gave me when I first arrived. I didn’t want to create unnecessary drama or make enemies in a new workplace. So I stepped back.

Oba: I actually liked Debby from early on. I enjoyed talking to her. I looked forward to seeing her at work. I’d come around her desk often to find excuses to chat. Then I noticed she started withdrawing from me. She became more distant and less warm. I didn’t understand why, but I respected it and pulled back. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or seem like I was forcing a friendship she didn’t want.

Deborah: Later in the year, several people from the branch, including Oba and me, attended a colleague’s wedding in Ibadan. I’d planned to return to Lagos after the reception. But it got really late, and travelling back that night would have been risky. Oba suggested I could sleep at his family’s house. His parents lived there.

I was hesitant at first. Going to a colleague’s family home felt like crossing a professional boundary. But it was safer than travelling back to Lagos at night on those roads. So I agreed. 

His family was lovely when we arrived, very welcoming and warm. They didn’t ask awkward or uncomfortable questions. They gave me a room, made sure I was comfortable, and offered me food and refreshments. That night, after settling in, Oba and I talked for hours in the living room. We gisted about everything you can imagine: work stories, life experiences, our families, our different experiences navigating the banking industry, our frustrations and joys. It felt like we’d known each other for years.

Oba: The conversation flowed naturally. We just clicked in a way I hadn’t experienced with many people. There was no awkwardness or uncomfortable silences. We talked, laughed, and shared stories until it was well past midnight. I remember thinking that this was special, that Deborah was someone I could really connect with on a deeper level.

Hmmm.

Deborah: I told Oba why I’d withdrawn earlier in the year. I explained the jealousy I’d sensed from other colleagues and how I’d created distance to keep the peace.  It wasn鈥檛 because I didn’t want to be friends with him.

Oba: I wished she’d mentioned it earlier. I understood office politics, and I’d dealt with jealousy before. But I also didn’t think we should let other people’s pettiness dictate our friendship. Still, I understood why she’d made that choice. And now that we’d cleared the air, we could move forward.

Sweet. So what happened next? 

Deborah: After we returned to Lagos, we became even closer. The conversation we’d had that night opened something up between us. 

Oba: I stopped caring about what people at work said. If they wanted to gossip, that was their problem. I was around Debby constantly. We’d have lunch together, take breaks together, and chat throughout the day. During this time, I started realising that what I felt for her went beyond friendship. I was developing romantic feelings.

Did you sense this shift, Deborah?

Deborah: I could tell something was different. The way he looked at me, the attention he gave me. It was different from before. But I didn鈥檛 make any assumptions. As long as it wasn鈥檛 spoken out loud, I chalked it all up to friendship.

Oba: I eventually shot my shot after some time. I told her I liked her and wanted us to explore something beyond friendship. But I didn鈥檛 get a yes.

Oh.

Deborah: I didn’t agree for two main reasons. First, I was in a relationship. Second, even if I were single, I had a rule about not dating coworkers. The banking industry is small, and I’d seen too many workplace relationships go badly.

Oba: I respected that she was with someone. But I didn’t care about the coworker part. People dated in the banking industry all the time and got married successfully. I’d seen it happen. So that reason didn’t hold much weight for me. But I understood her position, and I backed off. We maintained our friendship.

I see. And how did the relationship progress over time?

Deborah: We were still cordial. By early 2023, I’d ended my relationship. It had run its course. I took several months to heal properly and get myself to a good place emotionally. Once I felt ready to date again, I mentioned it to Oba casually during one of our conversations.

Oba: I’d been there throughout her breakup and healing process. I looked out for her as a friend, checked on her, and supported her however I could. But I never pushed anything romantic. I gave her space. Still, my feelings for her never went away. I’d always kept my eyes on her, hoping that maybe one day the timing would work out.

And coincidentally, around that same time, I was leaving the bank. I’d decided to answer a pastoral calling. I was transitioning out of banking to become a full-time pastor. So things were aligning in our favour.

Curious, Deborah. How did you feel when you learned he was becoming a pastor?

Deborah: I had serious reservations when I learned he was transitioning to full-time pastoral work. I knew Oba was religious. But I didn’t know the extent or depth of his commitment to ministry. I didn’t know he was this deep into it, to the point where he’d leave a stable, well-paying banking career to pursue it full-time. Becoming a full-time pastor is a massive, life-altering decision. It comes with expectations, serious responsibilities, a certain lifestyle and conduct. That worried me significantly for a while. I had to really think deeply about whether I was ready for that kind of life, whether I could handle being a pastor’s wife, and whether that was the path I wanted for myself and my future family.

Oba: I completely understood her concerns and didn’t take them lightly. Pastoral life genuinely isn’t for everyone. There are demands on your time, expectations for how you conduct yourself publicly, and responsibilities to a congregation. I wanted her to be fully aware and informed of what she’d be signing up for if she chose to be with me. I didn’t want to surprise her later or have her feel trapped.

Deborah: But something in my spirit kept telling me that Oba was my husband. I’d felt it for a while, even before things got romantic. There was this knowing, this peace about him. So despite my initial reservations, I trusted that inner voice. We started courting toward the end of 2023.

Cute. And how has that been?

Oba: It’s been a beautiful relationship. We understand each other and share similar values. We built a strong foundation as friends first, so transitioning to romance felt natural. We’re engaged now, planning to marry.

Deborah: I don’t regret saying yes to this relationship. But there’s been one ongoing challenge that affects us both.

What鈥檚 that?

Deborah: My family still has strong reservations about Oba. Specifically, they’re deeply worried about him abandoning his stable banking career to become a full-time pastor. My parents especially keep bringing it up in conversations. They ask detailed questions about our financial stability and future plans, whether he’ll be able to adequately provide for a family, and whether we’ve thought through the long-term implications. They’re concerned that he’s made a reckless decision by leaving a secure, well-paying profession for something less financially secure.

Oba: I won’t lie, it’s disappointing. I wish they could see beyond the career change and trust that I know what I’m doing. But I’m handing it over to God. I can’t control how they feel or what they think. I get paid a regular salary as a pastor. It’s not like I’m doing volunteer work without any income or depending on offerings and goodwill. The church compensates me properly for my work and my time. I have a steady, predictable income stream every month. I manage my finances responsibly and carefully. 

I’m not struggling financially or living paycheck to paycheck. So honestly, I don’t fully understand what the deep worry is about. Yes, banking pays well, especially at senior levels. But pastoral work also pays a decent salary. Maybe not at exactly the same level as banking, but it’s sufficient for a good quality of life.

Deborah: I think my parents are comparing his current pastoral salary to what he used to make in banking. So in their minds, he’s taken a significant pay cut. 

Oba: I understand they’re coming from a place of care for their daughter. They want to make sure she’s taken care of. I respect that. But I also need them to trust that this is my calling, my path, and I’m walking it with full conviction. I didn’t make this decision lightly or impulsively.

Have you tried to make your family see things from his perspective, Deborah?

Deborah: It’s been genuinely challenging and emotionally draining. I love my family deeply, and I want their blessing and full support for this marriage. I’ve tried repeatedly to reassure my parents, patiently explaining that we’ll be fine and that Oba is a responsible and capable man who knows how to provide. But despite all my efforts, they’re still worried and anxious. It creates real tension sometimes between them and me, and it weighs on me emotionally. I’m caught between honouring my parents and moving forward with the man I love.

Oba: I know it’s incredibly hard for Deborah to be in this position. But I also can’t and won’t go back into banking just to appease them or ease their concerns. This pastoral calling isn’t a career experiment or a phase I’m going through. This is genuinely what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. 

Right.

Oba: As long as I have the love and support of my wife, I’m not worried about what anyone else thinks. Deborah is the one I’m building a life with. She’s the one who’ll be by my side through everything. If she believes and trusts me, then that’s what matters most. Her family’s concerns are valid, but they’re not the ones living this life; we are.

Deborah: I trust that we’ll be okay financially. I’ve made peace with this path we’re on together.

Let鈥檚 move on. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Deborah: Oba is consistent and genuine. What you see is what you get. He’s the same person in public as he is in private. He’s kind, thoughtful, and supportive. He makes me feel loved and valued. Even with the family concerns, he’s patient and understanding.

Oba: Deborah is strong and loyal. She stands by me even when it’s difficult. She believes in me when others doubt. She’s smart, she’s beautiful, she challenges me to be better. I’m grateful to have her as my partner.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Deborah: I’d give it a 9. We have a strong relationship built on friendship and genuine love. The only reason it’s not a 10 is because of the external pressure from my family. But that’s not a reflection of what Oba and I have together.

Oba: I’d also say 9. Deborah and I are solid. We’re building something beautiful together.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

Alex* (26) and Toyosi* (29) met at a vigil one night in 2024.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about meeting while she was healing from a failed engagement, reconnecting months later after his mother’s death, and navigating a relationship where she wants to be married by 30 but he’s not financially ready to take that step yet.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Alex: We met at a church vigil in July 2024. The vigil was happening on my street, and I’d helped the pastor secure the necessary permissions for the venue. Because of my involvement, I wasn’t following the program closely or participating in the prayers. I was mostly walking around, making sure everything was running smoothly. That’s when I saw Toyosi.听

She was in one corner of the venue, completely absorbed in prayer and crying intensely. I overheard some of her prayer requests, and she was asking God to break the spell of failed marriages in her family. She was pouring her heart out about her fears and her pain. It was a deeply personal, vulnerable moment, and I knew I was invading her privacy by standing there. But I couldn’t help it. I was genuinely intrigued. I wondered why someone who looked so put together, pretty, and articulate would have such heavy prayer requests.

Toyosi: I didn鈥檛 want to attend that particular vigil because I had another one the next day, but my mum encouraged me. She said, 鈥淲e 诲辞苍鈥檛 know where God will answer your prayers.鈥�

I was fresh out of a two-year engagement that had ended badly. It was my first real, serious relationship, and I invested so much time and emotion into it. When it fell apart, I was devastated, sad and depressed. I poured myself heavily into church activities to cope with the pain.听

This particular vigil was one of those nights where I desperately needed God to calm my mind and heal my heart. I was crying out to Him about my family’s history with broken relationships and my fears about repeating that pattern. I didn’t notice anyone watching me while I prayed. I was completely lost in my conversation with God.

Right. So, at what point did you guys interact?

Alex: I approached her the next morning, introduced myself and tried to make conversation. But I could tell she seemed uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure if it was me or if she just wanted to leave.

Toyosi:  I was worried about my morning breath. We’d been at an overnight vigil, and I hadn’t brushed my teeth yet. And his breath wasn’t exactly pleasant either. It was just an awkward moment all around. But he seemed nice and well-spoken, so I gave him my number.

Screaming. What happened after you exchanged numbers?

Alex: I didn’t reach out for months. Life got very serious very quickly. I lost my mum shortly after we met, and that took a heavy toll on me. I wasn’t in a space to think about anything else, let alone reaching out to someone I’d just met.

Toyosi: I expected him to reach out within the first week or so. When he didn’t, I mentally moved on. I’d told God after my engagement ended that I didn’t want another situation where I’d be the one chasing after a guy. So I left it alone.

Alex: Then, in December 2024, the church had its crossover service for New Year’s Eve at the same location where we first met. I ran into Toyosi again. Honestly, I was actually quite reluctant to say hi to her because I felt guilty. Months had passed, and I hadn’t reached out at all. I thought she might be upset with me or think I was just playing games. I didn’t want it to be awkward or uncomfortable. But she saw me first and greeted me very casually, like it was no big deal, like she wasn’t holding anything against me. I took the greeting as a positive sign and made sure not to sit too far from her during the service. I positioned myself where I could see her and where we could potentially talk afterwards.

Toyosi: At that point,  I’d already moved on from anything with him. So it was just a friendly greeting.

Alex: After the service, I had a moment with her and explained why I hadn’t reached out. I told her about losing my mum and everything that had happened. She was very sympathetic. Over the next few weeks, she started checking on me regularly, asking how I was doing and how I was coping.

Toyosi: Losing a parent is devastating. I could tell he was going through a lot, and I听 wanted to be there for him as a friend and make sure he was okay. I’d send messages, call sometimes to check in. We鈥檇 spend a lot of time on the phone talking about life and the people we鈥檇 lost. We also got into details about our personal and romantic lives.听

Was this when you started developing feelings for each other? 

Alex: In a way, yes. But I was hesitant about acting on those feelings. There were several major things holding me back and making me overthink the situation. First, she’d shared with me how she’d just come out of a two-year engagement. I didn’t want to seem like I was taking advantage of her emotional vulnerability during a healing period. I didn’t want her to think I was trying to be a rebound or a distraction from her pain. 

Second, I wasn’t personally ready to marry yet. I wanted a serious, committed relationship with clear intentions, but marriage itself felt far off for me. I needed more time. 

And third, she鈥檚 three years older than me. I wasn’t sure how she’d feel about dating someone younger.

Toyosi: I wouldn鈥檛 say I was exactly developing feelings. I was in a state where I wasn鈥檛 really sure of what I wanted, even though I was praying to God for true love. As we got closer, I knew Alex was interested. These things are obvious even when they aren鈥檛 stated. I was waiting for him to make his move, but I didn’t understand why he was taking so long. But I’d made a vow to God that I wouldn’t chase a man, so I kept quiet and waited.

Curious, when did you finally make your move, Alex?

Alex: I finally summoned the courage in February 2025. I took Toyosi out on Valentine’s Day. We had dinner at a nice restaurant,  and I laid everything out. I started with the age thing 鈥� told her the three-year gap didn’t bother me. Then I told her I wasn’t ready for marriage yet, but I wanted a serious relationship with her. I wanted us to be intentional about building something together.

Toyosi: It was a lot to process in one sitting. The age thing wasn’t an issue for me at all. Alex doesn’t look or act younger than me. He’s mature, and he carries himself well. But the marriage thing was worrisome. I’d just come out of a two-year engagement that went nowhere. I didn’t want to enter another long relationship that would lead to the same dead end. I was 29 years old. I’d always envisioned being married by 30 at the latest. So hearing him say he wasn’t ready for marriage made me pause.

I didn’t give him an answer that day. I needed to think about it.

Right.

Toyosi: I had to weigh everything carefully. On one hand, I genuinely liked Alex. He was kind, thoughtful, and intentional in his approach. He’d been there for me during what was actually a difficult transitional time in my life. On the other hand, I was genuinely scared of wasting more precious time 

I prayed intensely about the situation. I asked God for real clarity and direction. And I also tried to be very realistic and honest with myself about my timeline versus his, and whether those two could align.

Were you guys still spending time together during this period?

Alex: Yes. We kept spending time together and going on dates. I didn’t want to pressure her for an answer, but I also wanted her to see that I was serious, even if I wasn’t ready for marriage.

Toyosi: Those weeks helped me see more of who he was. How he treated me, how consistent he was, how he communicated. It gave me more information to work with.

In April, I said yes. It was kind of out of the blue. We were hanging out, and I just told him I’d thought about everything, and my answer was yes. I wanted to give us a chance.

Alex: I was surprised. I kept asking her why she said yes, what changed her mind, what made her decide. I needed to understand her reasoning.

Toyosi: I was just trusting my gut. I couldn’t explain it logically. I just felt this was the right decision, despite the uncertainty about the timing of marriage.

Sweet. You’ve been together for almost a year now. Tell me about the relationship.

Alex: It’s been good. We’ve had minor differences and arguments here and there, but nothing serious. We communicate well. We’re learning from each other. We’ll be celebrating our one-year anniversary this year.

Toyosi: I’m happy in the relationship. Alex is a good partner. But I do worry sometimes about the marriage timeline. I always envisioned being married by 30. I’ll be turning 30 this year, and we haven’t really broached the topic of marriage seriously since we started dating.

I don’t want to pressure him about marriage. I’m very aware that he told me upfront and very clearly that he wasn’t ready for marriage. And I made an informed decision. I accepted that reality when I said yes to the relationship. 

But now that we’re approaching a full year together and I’m also approaching my 30th birthday, a significant milestone for me, the worry is creeping back. I find myself wondering when exactly he’ll be ready. I wonder if we’re actually on the same page about timing or if we’re years apart in our expectations. I wonder if I’m going to end up in another painful situation where I invest multiple years of my life and emotional energy, and it doesn’t ultimately lead to the marriage I want. These thoughts keep me up at night sometimes.

Have you talked to Alex about this?

Toyosi: Not directly. I drop hints sometimes. But I haven’t sat him down and had a serious conversation about where we’re headed and when.

Alex, are you aware of her concerns?

Alex: I’m aware. I know she’s probably wondering when I’m going to be ready, and I’m getting there. I’m gradually approaching the point where I want to get married. I just need to be a little more financially settled before I can take that step.

Talk about what financial settlement means to you.

Alex: I want to be able to comfortably afford the wedding itself, which can be expensive. I want to handle the engagement process and all the traditional requirements that come with it. And I want to have some decent savings set aside before we start our life together. I don’t want to go into marriage completely broke or struggling financially month to month. I don’t want us to start our marriage stressed about money from day one. 

I’m actively working on building my income streams right now. I’m saving money deliberately. I’m trying to get to a more stable and secure financial place. Once I’m actually there, once I feel comfortable with my financial situation, I’ll be ready to have the marriage conversation seriously and move forward with those plans.

Toyosi: I understand where he’s coming from completely. I genuinely appreciate that he wants to be financially ready and responsible before taking the step into marriage. That shows maturity and planning. But I also really wish we could have more of this kind of detailed conversation together as a couple, instead of hearing about his timeline and thought process secondhand or having to guess what he’s thinking. We mostly scratch the surface, but I鈥檇 appreciate it if we could sit together and openly discuss his specific plan, his realistic timeline, and the financial milestones he’s working toward. That way, I can know what I’m working with. But I guess this is a starting point.

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Alex: Toyosi is supportive, understanding, and patient. She was there for me during one of the darkest periods of my life. She’s kind, she’s smart, she challenges me to be better. I value her deeply.

Toyosi: Alex is intentional and consistent. He shows up. He communicates. He makes me feel valued and cared for. Even with the uncertainty around the marriage, I feel loved in this relationship.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Alex: I’d give it an 8. We have a strong foundation, we care about each other, and we’re building something good. The only thing keeping it from being higher is the pressure I feel about the marriage timeline and knowing that Toyosi is worried about it.

Toyosi: I’d also say 8. I’m happy with Alex. I love what we have. I just need more clarity about where we’re headed and when.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

Cynthia* (27) and Maleek* (28) are exes who have agreed to remain friends. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the cycle of violence and expensive apologies that marked their relationships, and the reckoning that inevitably followed.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Cynthia: Maleek and I met in 2021 during our HND at a polytechnic in Ogun State. We’d seen each other around in our ND days, but we barely spoke. But that changed in 2021 after I attended a friend’s birthday party at Maleek’s apartment. That was the first time we actually interacted.

Maleek: The party was my earliest memory of Cynthia. I 诲辞苍鈥檛  remember seeing her on campus before that night 

I allowed my close friends to use my apartment for events like that. I had a big three-bedroom flat all to myself, so why not? I mostly kept to myself in school, but I was generous with the people in my cycle. That birthday party was when I first noticed Cynthia.

She wasn’t really playful. Everyone else was loud, dancing, drinking, and being over the top. But Cynthia was calm and reserved. That drew me to her. At the time, I had several girls I was talking to, but none of them was a serious girlfriend. They were all too extroverted for my liking, and obviously interested in my money and what I could do for them. Something about Cynthia’s calm demeanour made me feel like she was different. Like she could be the one I’d take seriously. I approached her, and we talked briefly. Before she left, I asked for her number. 

Cynthia: I didn’t really want to give him, to be honest. I wasn’t sure what I was getting into. But I didn’t want to seem rude, since I was in his house at a party he was gracious enough to host. So I gave him my number and figured I’d see where it went.

What happened next?

Maleek: We started talking on the phone regularly. I’m very direct, so I didn’t waste time. I told her I was interested in her and wanted us to date. I started throwing gifts at her, sending her money, taking care of things for her. That’s how I am. If I like someone, I show it through my actions and my resources.

Cynthia: I didn’t mind it, honestly. I’d been looking for a boyfriend like that, someone who had money and could take care of me. Things weren鈥檛 exactly rosy at home, and I couldn鈥檛 do some of the things my friends were doing for money. 

Maleek was very generous, and I appreciated it. We started dating in late 2021, and the first year was actually good. He was attentive, sweet, and took care of me financially, and we enjoyed each other’s company. 

Seems you both moved things around pretty fast. Curious, did you ask questions about his finances, Cynthia?

Cynthia: I didn鈥檛 need to. As we got closer, I realised that he came from money. He also wasn鈥檛 dependent on his parents鈥� wealth. Maleek was always doing multiple things, from trading forex to selling gadgets. His mum, who works with the government,  also had high-paying side gigs for him. It was easy to say yes once I realised he earned from legitimate sources. 

Maleek: I wasn鈥檛 bothered about the assumptions people made about my lifestyle. People will always talk, and I鈥檝e learned to be fine with that.

Right. So how did things progress over time?

Cynthia: In the second year of the relationship, I started spending more time at Maleek’s apartment. I was basically living there part-time. And that’s when I started noticing red flags that I’d missed. He was extremely jealous of everything. He had serious, deep-rooted trust issues. He always wanted to know who I was talking to, where I was going, who I was with, and what time I’d be back. He’d look through my phone without asking for permission, scrolling through my messages, checking my call logs, and looking at my social media interactions. He’d question me intensely about male classmates and friends. If I mentioned a guy’s name even in passing, he’d want to know who the person was, how I knew them, and why I was talking to them. It became suffocating. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I was being monitored constantly.

Maleek: I had trust issues, yes. I still do, to some extent. But I’m working on them. I just felt like the girls in my school couldn’t be fully trusted. They have many options  鈥� too many guys trying to get their attention at every turn. On campus, in class, at parties, online. Everywhere you look, there’s someone trying to talk to and get close to them. I wanted to make sure Cynthia wasn’t playing me or entertaining other men behind my back. I didn’t want to be the fool who trusted completely and then got betrayed. So I watched her closely.

Hmmm.

Cynthia: It got so bad that Maleek hit me during some of those arguments. The first time it happened, I was completely shocked. I didn’t expect it from him at all. I couldn’t reconcile the sweet version of him with the person who was now hitting me. I threatened to leave immediately. I told him I wouldn’t tolerate it. And he came back crying and begging within hours. He apologised profusely,  swearing he didn’t know what came over him and promising it would never happen again. And then he spoiled me with gifts and money to make up for it. Expensive bags, shoes, money, whatever I wanted, and I forgave him. I convinced myself it was a one-time mistake.

Then it happened again. And again. It became a cycle. We’d argue, he’d hit me, I’d threaten to leave, he’d cry and beg and buy me expensive things, and I’d stay. By the time we got to our final year, I had emotionally checked out of the relationship. But I was still physically there. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it was the money, fear or a combination of both.

Maleek, had she given you any reason to suspect anything? 

Maleek: Honestly, she has always been faithful. I didn鈥檛 see it because I guess I also had the wrong set of friends. Cynthia is pretty and light-skinned. They鈥檒l always tell me it wasn鈥檛 possible that I was her only guy. Some of them would also randomly hit me up whenever they saw her hanging out with a male coursemate. It was crazy.

I was immature at the time. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions or my insecurities. I thought I could control the situation through jealousy and aggression, but all I did was push her away and hurt her. 

Cynthia, when did you finally leave?

Cynthia: I broke up with him after we graduated in early 2024. I had had enough of the emotional and physical abuse. I couldn’t do it anymore. I told him it was over, and I meant it this time. But he didn’t move on.

Maleek: I wanted another chance. I kept calling her, asking to see her, trying to convince her that I’d changed. And surprisingly, she entertained some of it. She’d pick up my calls and sometimes agree to hang out. I thought maybe there was still hope for us.

Why did you still entertain him, Cynthia?

Cynthia: I don’t know. Maybe I felt guilty, or maybe I still cared about him in some twisted way. But I was clear that we weren’t getting back together. I just wanted to maintain a friendship or cordial relationship. But after we both left school and returned to Lagos, we barely spoke. In a way, I thought that phase was finally over, and I could move on. But I was wrong.

Why? What happened?

Cynthia: Fast forward to NYSC in 2024. We ended up in the same state for NYSC. It was strange seeing him again in a new place, but since we ended on a fairly cordial note, it wasn鈥檛 entirely awkward.

Because Maleek had money, he was able to settle down quickly and comfortably. Within the first few weeks, he’d found a decent place to stay, furnished it properly, got everything sorted, and was living comfortably. I, on the other hand, was still trying to manage and figure things out. My accommodation wasn’t great at all. I was in a cramped space that I shared with another corps member. I was struggling financially because my allowance wasn’t enough to cover everything I needed. And I was still finding my footing in the new environment.

Because of that, I started visiting Maleek again. It was easier to go to his place, where things were comfortable, than to stay in my cramped space. We started hanging out more frequently.

Maleek: Seeing her again was probably the best thing that happened to me. I was actually supposed to serve in Lagos, but my plug messed up. He was going to work on my redeployment, but I halted the arrangement after I saw Cynthia. I never shared this with her. It was just a decision I made after I realised she had no plans to redeploy. In a way, I still felt responsible for her.

When she started visiting, I thought maybe this was our second chance. I’d try to initiate things and rekindle what we had, but she declined. She insisted we should just be friends. I tried to respect that, but it was hard because of my feelings for her.

Curious, Cynthia. Did you think it was safe to be around him, considering the past?

Cynthia: It wasn鈥檛, and I sometimes blame myself for getting carried away, because the same thing from our school days happened again.

One day, I went out with another male friend,  a corps member I’d met during orientation camp. We hung out to get food, talk about experiences so far, and have a good time. When he dropped me off later that evening, I asked him to drop me at Maleek’s place because I planned to spend time there and maybe stay the night, since my own place was uncomfortable. I didn’t think anything of it. But when the guy’s car pulled up outside Maleek’s building, and I got out, Maleek was outside. He was immediately furious.

Maleek: Seeing her laughing with another guy who felt comfortable enough to drop her off at my place triggered everything I’d been trying to suppress. I felt disrespected and betrayed, like she was throwing it in my face.

Cynthia: I tried to explain calmly that he was just a friend, but he wasn’t listening. He’d already decided what had happened. And then he hit me. We weren’t even dating anymore; we’d been broken up for over a year, and he hit me.

This time, I fought back. We got into a physical altercation so loud that neighbours came out and intervened. They separated us, and I left his place immediately. But I was so angry that I reported him to the police the next morning. I told them everything that happened, and then they went to arrest Maleek.

Maleek: I was briefly detained. They came to my place, brought me in, questioned me for hours about what happened, about my relationship with Cynthia, about the allegations she’d made. They warned me sternly about the consequences of domestic violence. They told me I needed to stay far away from Cynthia and stop harassing her. It was humiliating being there, and I couldn鈥檛 believe Cynthia would take it that far. They released me later that same day with a very stern warning to leave her alone completely, but I didn鈥檛. 

Why?

Maleek: The moment I was released, I went straight to look for Cynthia at her place. I know it sounds absolutely crazy, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was still in denial about the seriousness of the situation. I wanted to apologise face-to-face鈥擨 needed her to know I was genuinely sorry for my actions. I thought that if I could just talk to her and explain myself, she’d understand.

I see. 

Cynthia: When he showed up, my flatmates didn’t let him anywhere near me. They’d already heard what happened the night before. They were protective and concerned for my safety. They made sure he couldn’t get to my door or try to talk to me. Some of them even threatened to call the police again if he didn’t leave immediately. I appreciated that so much because I didn’t want to see him at all. I needed space from him. 

Thankfully, we barely saw each other for the rest of NYSC. We both finished our service year and returned to Lagos without crossing paths.

Fair enough. So when did you reconnect?

Cynthia: Late 2025. We ran into each other at a mutual friend’s wedding in Lagos. I saw him from across the reception hall, and he looked genuinely different from the last time I’d seen him. I watched him from a distance for a bit, and then, for some reason I can’t fully explain, I went over to say hi. I don’t know exactly why I did it. We did some small talk about how we’d been and what we’d been up to.

Maleek: I was surprised when she came to talk to me. I thought she’d avoid me forever after everything that happened. But she seemed open, so we exchanged numbers again and agreed to keep in touch.

What’s your relationship like now?

Cynthia: We talk occasionally, maybe once every few months. Nothing deep or intense, just friendly check-ins. I’m also dating someone else now, and Maleek knows that. I’ve told him about my current relationship. I’ve moved on completely, and I’m in a much healthier place mentally and emotionally. 

Maleek: I’m still single. I’m focused on relocating abroad right now, so I’m not really actively looking for a relationship. But I’m glad Cynthia and I can at least be cordial after everything that happened between us. I’m glad she’s moved on and found happiness with someone who treats her better than I did. I’ve done a lot of serious self-reflection since everything happened, and I’ve worked hard on myself. I’m not the same person I was back then. 

Looking back, what do you wish you’d done differently?

Maleek: I wish I trusted her more and didn鈥檛 listen to my 鈥渇riends鈥�. They didn鈥檛 mean well with all their side comments, disguised as concern for me. I also have better control of my emotions now.

Cynthia: I wish I’d left the very first time things got physical. I wish I’d valued myself more from the beginning and recognised immediately that no amount of financial comfort or material things is worth your physical safety or your mental peace. 

Do you think you guys will ever be in a relationship again?

Cynthia: Not romantically. I’m content with us being friends from a distance.

Maleek: I agree. What we had is in the past. I respect where she is now and her decision to move on. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Cynthia: Maybe a 3. There were good moments, especially in the beginning. But the bad far outweighed the good. 

Maleek: I’d say a 4. I cared about her, and I tried in my own flawed way. But I let my insecurities get the best of me.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

Nofisat* (28) and Niyi* (30) grew up in the same neighbourhood but didn’t start dating until 2024. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a childhood acquaintance became something more, why she dated his older brother in secondary school and his cousin in university without knowing they were related, and the struggles of navigating a family that houses one鈥檚 exes. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Nofisat: We grew up in the same area, but we weren’t close as children at all. Niyi was one of those kids in the neighbourhood that everybody knew about, but he never really came out to play with the rest of us. He was very reclusive and was always indoors, even when his siblings came out. So my earliest memory of him is just knowing he existed.听

Niyi: She was always outside, playing with someone. I’d see her through the window sometimes, running around, laughing, being loud and social. We lived in the same neighbourhood, knew of each other, but were in completely different worlds. She was outgoing, and I was withdrawn. There was no bridge between us at that point.

When did you start interacting with each other?

Nofisat:  When we got to secondary school, Niyi transferred to my school. I think it was around JSS2 or JSS3. Even then, we weren’t exactly close. We were just classmates who knew each other from the neighbourhood. It wasn’t until I started dating his older brother in SS2 that Niyi and I began talking more regularly.

Niyi: She’d come to the house or we’d walk home from school together. We’d also borrow notes from each other occasionally, talk about school stuff, but it was very surface-level. My reclusiveness got worse in secondary school, so I wasn’t exactly fun to be around. I was just the quiet younger brother.

Nofisat: I should note that my relationship with his brother wasn鈥檛 anything deep or serious. We liked each other, hung out, and did the things secondary school couples do. But it didn’t last beyond secondary school. As soon as we graduated, everyone moved on. 

We went to different universities, and the connection naturally fizzled out. His brother went to Zaria, I went to a private university in Benin Republic, and Niyi went to UI. We saw each other during breaks, and by then, whatever we had was already over. But I coincidentally got with their cousin. I didn鈥檛 even know they were related.

Wait. How did that happen?

Nofisat: In uni, I dated a guy I met through mutual friends during my first year. We hit it off quickly and dated for about 2 years. It was a good relationship while it lasted. But like many university relationships, it eventually ran its course, and we broke up.听

What I had absolutely no clue about was that he was Niyi’s cousin. I’d never seen him at Niyi’s house during all their family events, or maybe I just never noticed. 

How did you find out?

Nofisat: During a school break 鈥� or maybe it was a Christmas break 鈥� I went to Niyi’s house. I can’t even remember why now. But when I got there and walked into the compound, I saw my ex. The guy I’d broken up with months earlier in Benin Republic. I was so confused. My brain couldn’t process what I saw. For a few seconds, we stared at each other in shock. When I finally asked what he was doing there, he told me he was Niyi’s cousin. It was so awkward.

Niyi: I thought it was funny, honestly. Not in a mocking way, but just the coincidence of it all. This girl had dated my older brother in secondary school, and now she’d dated my cousin in university without even knowing we were related. But at that time, Nofisat and I were still just acquaintances. There was nothing romantic between us. So that knowledge didn鈥檛 matter.

Right. Let鈥檚 get back to that. When did things change between the two of you?

Nofisat: It was after NYSC. I had finished serving, and I was back home, job hunting and doing some personal business from the house. I was home most of the time, and so was Niyi because he was working remotely. For a long time, I assumed we were both unemployed. I thought he was also struggling to find work like I was.

Niyi: I had a full-time remote job and freelance gigs on the side. But from the outside, it looked like I was staying at home all day.

Nofisat: It’s hard to remember exactly what brought us together or what sparked the conversation. We may have ran intoeach other in the neighbourhood and just started talking. During that conversation, I mentioned something about job hunting and how tough the market was. That’s when he told me he was fully employed and working remotely.

Niyi: After that conversation, we started talking more frequently. We run into each other, or I鈥檇 send her links to job openings I found on Twitter. The conversations got deeper over time. We talked about work, life, what we wanted for our futures, and all that.听

It was nice to have someone who understood where I was in life, even though our situations were different.

Was this when you started catching feelings? 

Nofisat: That happened gradually. We were both single, which created an opening that wouldn’t have existed otherwise. As we spent more time together, there was an undeniable shift in how we related to each other. It wasn’t just the kind of surface-level conversation you have with someone you’ve known your whole life but never really known. There was something else bubbling underneath all of that.

Niyi: Everything she said. I started looking forward to seeing her or hearing from her. I’d find excuses to text her or to be in places where I knew she’d be. It became clear to me that I was developing feelings for her. But I was also aware of her awkward dating history. She’d dated my brother and my cousin. That was something I had to think about before acting on my feelings.

Nofisat: I had the same worries g. I thought about the fact that I’d dated his older brother in secondary school, even though it was brief and immature. I’d also dated his cousin in university for two whole years, which was a real relationship with real feelings and real history. And now here I was, catching feelings for Niyi himself, the third person from the same family. 

It felt really weird when I laid it out like that. Like, what are the chances?   Was I potentially about to make it even more complicated by pursuing something with Niyi? Although none of those relationshipverlapped,  it felt almost inappropriate. They were all in the past. But still, I worried about what people would think, especially our families.

Did you talk to each other about this concern?

Niyi: Yes, we had to address it before we moved forward. I told her that it didn’t matter to me. As far as I was concerned, what happened with my brother was in secondary school.  They were kids. It happened years ago, and it wasn’t even a serious relationship. As for my cousin, yes; that was more recent and serious. But I spoke to him about it before making any move with Nofisat. I asked him if he’d have an issue with it, and he said he didn’t. He’d moved on, and he had no problem with me dating her.

Nofisat: Even with Niyi’s reassurance and his cousin’s blessing, I still felt weird about it. I appreciated that he spoke with his cousin and gained clarity. But it didn’t change the fact that I’d have to navigate family gatherings and potentially see these people regularly. It wasn’t just about whether they were okay with it. It was about how I’d feel in those situations.

 You both decided to pursue the relationship anyway.

Nofisat: The heart wants what it wants. We made it official in March 2024. 

Honestly, what we shared was fundamentally different from what I’d had with his brother or his cousin. Those were different chapters of my life. With Niyi, it felt more mature and intentional. We were adults who knew what we wanted from a partner and from life. We had real, substantive conversations about our futures, and I didn’t want to let it go just because of the awkward situation or what other people might think.

Niyi: For me, I just believed we could navigate the whole thing if we were intentional about it. 

Right. You’ve been dating for two years now. How has it been?

Nofisat: It’s still weird for me sometimes, I won’t lie. Even after two years with Niyi, there are moments at family events when I feel self-conscious. Thankfully, Niyi’s older brother relocated abroad a while ago, so he’s not around for family events anymore. That makes things significantly easier. I don’t have to wonder if he’s thinking about our secondary school relationship or if he’s judging me for being with his younger brother now. But Niyi’s cousin still shows up regularly at family gatherings. And every time I know he’s going to be there, I feel a little uncomfortable. We’re both completely over that relationship, but I 诲辞苍鈥檛 think it鈥檒l ever stop being awkward.听

Niyi: I don’t see it as an issue. The only thing I asked both my brother and my cousin was to keep whatever history they had with Nofisat to themselves. I don’t want it brought up in family conversations or used as a joke or gossip. That’s the one boundary I’ve set.

And have they respected that boundary?

Niyi: Yes. My brother is abroad, so it’s not really an issue with him. And my cousin has been respectful. When we’re all together, he treats Nofisat like he’d treat any other person in the room.

Curious. Are either of your parents aware? 

Niyi: My parents know, because I told them when Nofisat and I started getting serious. I didn’t want them to find out from someone else and make it a bigger deal. I explained the situation to them clearly. They were a bit surprised, but they didn’t make a big deal out of it. They just wanted to know if I was serious about Nofisat, and I told them I was.

Nofisat: His parents have been welcoming to me, which I appreciate. They treat me well, and they’ve never made me feel uncomfortable about the past. But I still wonder sometimes if they talk about it when I’m not around. 

As for my parents, they 诲辞苍鈥檛 know. I 诲辞苍鈥檛 really talk about my relationship with them. They鈥檙e just excited I鈥檓 dating someone they know. And that鈥檚 all they need to know.

What’s the best thing about being with each other despite this complicated history?

Nofisat: Niyi is so different from his brother and his cousin. I think that’s what makes this work. With him, I feel understood in a way I didn’t feel in those previous relationships. He’s thoughtful, he’s intentional, and he communicates well. We have deep conversations about what matters. He’s also very patient with my insecurities about the family situation. He doesn’t dismiss my feelings or tell me I’m being ridiculous. He listens and reassures me. That means a lot.

Niyi: Nofisat challenges me in good ways. She pushes me to be more social, present, and less reclusive. She’s also incredibly hardworking and ambitious, and I respect that about her. I don’t regret choosing to be with her.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Niyi: I’d give it a 9. The only reason it’s not a 10 is that I know Nofisat still sometimes struggles with the family history, and I wish I could make that completely go away for her. But overall, I’m very happy with where we are.

Nofisat: I’d also say 9. Niyi is an amazing partner, and our relationship is solid. I’m learning to let go of my worries and just focus on us. So yes, a 9 feels right.

听*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

Sunkanmi* (27) and Ife* (25) met in 2024 at a hospital in Lagos.听

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a hallway conversation turned into a business partnership and a relationship, why mixing professional massage sessions with personal attraction created tension, and how boundary issues with clients threatened everything they’ve built together.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Sunkanmi: I met Ife at a hospital in 2024. I work in the physiotherapy department there. I noticed when she came in with an older woman one afternoon.听 A colleague handled their case,听 but from across the room, I immediately liked her. She looked pretty and exactly like my spec.听

I watched from a distance, trying to find a way to talk to her without making it obvious or coming across as unprofessional.

They needed directions to another part of the hospital, and someone was already explaining how to get there. But I saw my chance and jumped in. I said I was heading that way and could show them the route. It wasn鈥檛 entirely true, but I wanted to talk to her, so I made it work.

Ife: I remember that day clearly. I was there with a family friend 鈥� an older woman whose children had relocated abroad. I鈥檓 a masseuse, and I used to give her body massages. She鈥檇 been complaining about severe knee pain, so I brought her to the hospital to get it properly checked out.

When Sunkanmi offered to show us the way, I didn鈥檛 think much of it. I was just happy someone could help because we were a bit lost. 

Right. What happened during that walk?

Sunkanmi: I tried to get to know her a bit. I asked questions and made conversation. That’s when I found out the woman wasn’t her mother but a family friend. I also learned she was a masseuse, which I found interesting. When we got to where they were going, I asked for her number. While I didn’t want to come across as forward or aggressive, I also didn’t want to let the opportunity pass.

Ife: I gave it to him. I didn’t want to seem rude since he’d been nice enough to help us. But I also wasn’t expecting much from it. From my perspective,  it was just a polite exchange.

Did you reach out immediately, Sunkanmi?

Sunkanmi: No, I didn’t. I didn’t reach out for weeks. Another lady I had been talking to at the time started paying me more attention, and I got distracted. Ife kind of fell to the back of my mind. 

Ife: , I鈥檇 also forgotten about him. Weeks had passed, and I’d moved on with my life. So when he eventually reached out, it was a surprise.

When did he reach out?

Ife: I can鈥檛 even remember if a month or two had passed. But one random afternoon, I posted a session from a client’s massage on my Instagram story, and Sunkanmi replied. He seemed genuinely interested in what I do as a masseuse. He asked questions about my process, my techniques, how long I’d been doing it, and what kind of clients I typically work with. The conversation flowed naturally, and then he asked if he could book a session. I didn’t immediately connect him to the guy from the hospital weeks ago until he reminded me. Then it clicked.

Sunkanmi:听I work in physiotherapy, so wellness and body care are something I understand and appreciate. But I’ll admit, I also wanted an excuse to see her again and spend time with her. Booking a massage session seemed like the perfect way to do that.

Ife: I was a bit cautious, to be honest. When a client, especially a male client you don’t know very well, requests home service instead of a neutral location, you have to be careful. You never know what their intentions are. But I’ve developed my own ways of protecting myself in those situations. I let trusted people know where I’m going and when I should be back. I keep my phone on me at all times. I share my location. I trust my instincts, and if something feels off at any point, I leave immediately, no questions asked. 

Sunkanmi seemed harmless enough from our interactions, and I needed the business, so I agreed to go.

Right. What was that first session like?

Ife: It was professional. I came, did my work, and left. He was respectful throughout. We talked a bit during the session, but it was mostly small talk. Nothing particularly deep or personal. 

Sunkanmi: That first session confirmed what I’d already suspected. Ife is very good at what she does. She’s professional, she knows her craft, and she takes it seriously. I respected that. But I also enjoyed being around her. So I booked another session. And then another. That’s how we started getting close.

At what point did things move from being just professional?

Sunkanmi: By the fourth or fifth session, there was definitely a shift in the dynamic between us. We’d been talking more between sessions, texting back and forth about things that had nothing to do with massage or physiotherapy. We were sharing things about our lives, our backgrounds, our families, and what we wanted for our futures. During the sessions, we’d have deeper conversations rather than just the usual small talk. I’d already started having feelings for her at that point, and I could sense there was something on her side, too. There was a tension in the room during those sessions that wasn’t there before. A kind of awareness of each other that went beyond professional.

Ife: I noticed it too. I was single at the time and starting to see Sunkanmi as more than just a client. But I was also trying to keep things professional because that’s how I operate.

Sunkanmi: I’ve always toyed with the idea of running a wellness centre. It’s been a dream for a while. And I loved how professional Ife was about her work. I’ve always wanted a woman who shared my dreams and my vision, so it was easy for my attention to shift fully to her. The other situation I’d been in just faded out.

I see. So when did things become official between you?

Ife: We had sex before we made things official. It happened naturally one evening after a session. The tension, which had been building for weeks,听 reached a point where neither of us could hold back anymore. After that, we talked about what we wanted, and we decided to make it official. That was in July 2024.

Sunkanmi: By then, I knew I wanted to be with her. We’d already started talking about the idea of working together to build something in the wellness space. It made sense to make the relationship official and see where we could take things personally and professionally.

Sweet. Tell me about the early days of your relationship.

Sunkanmi: The first year was really good. We did a lot of things together. We travelled when we could afford it, went out to nice restaurants, and spent quality time together outside of work. Beyond just the relationship, we also started building something professionally that excited both of us. We began running a side hustle as wellness experts. I handled the medical side of things, using my training and experience to advise clients on recovery, muscle care, posture correction, and more. And Ife handled the massages and body care, the hands-on therapeutic work. We were making good money, building a client base, and it felt like we were creating something sustainable together. It was working really well.

Ife:  We were on the same page about everything. The business was growing, clients were coming in, and we were making money doing something we both cared about. It felt like we’d found the perfect balance between love and work. But things changed eventually.

What happened?

Ife: We started having issues. I noticed that Sunkanmi doesn’t draw boundaries with female clients the way I think he should. I don’t mean just being friendly or maintaining good customer service; he鈥檇 text them late at night or entertain conversations that had nothing to do with business or bookings. He was overly accommodating in ways that made me uncomfortable. I brought it up multiple times, tried to explain why it bothered me, but he kept waving it off. He’d say he was just building his client base and maintaining relationships, that this is how you make sure clients come back.

Sunkanmi: I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. In business, especially in the wellness and service industry, you have to be available for your clients. You have to make them feel valued and cared for. That’s how you build loyalty. That’s how you get repeat customers and referrals. 

I was responding to messages when they came in, being friendly and personable, making sure they felt comfortable reaching out to us and booking with us again. That’s just good customer service in my mind. I wasn’t trying to be inappropriate or cross any lines. I genuinely thought I was just doing what was necessary to grow our business.

Hmmm.

Ife: The breaking point was toward the end of 2025. A couple booked Sunkanmi for a weekend staycation. Just him, not both of us, which was already unusual. I’d had reservations about this couple because they always had weird requests. Things that didn’t sit right with me. Requests that seemed to push the boundaries of what a normal massage or wellness session should look like. But Sunkanmi took the job because the pay was really good. He said it was too much money to turn down, and we needed it for the business.

That entire weekend, he was unreachable. I tried calling, I tried texting, nothing. He’d go hours without responding, and when he did, it was short and dismissive. I was worried, frustrated, and honestly, suspicious. By the time he came back, I was convinced something had happened.

Sunkanmi: It was an intense weekend. The couple had booked me for multiple sessions throughout the day, and in between, I rested or prepared for the next session. I wasn’t on my phone much because I was focused on the job. When I finally checked my phone and saw all her messages, I knew she was upset. But I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong.

Did you confront him, Ife?

Ife: As soon as he got back. I told him I didn’t trust what had happened that weekend. I told him I thought something inappropriate had happened and that I needed him to be honest with me. He got defensive immediately and said I was accusing him of infidelity, and worse, accusing him of doing things with a man, which he found insulting.

Sunkanmi: The fact that she immediately jumped to infidelity, and specifically to something involving the husband, felt like she didn’t trust me at all.

How did you guys resolve the fight?

Ife: It took time, and it wasn’t easy. We had to sit down multiple times and have very difficult conversations about trust and boundaries. I explained to him that my concerns weren’t just about that one weekend, even if it brought everything to a head. The lack of boundaries with female clients, the overfamiliarity, the late-night texting, and the way he handled certain situations made me uncomfortable.听

Sunkanmi: At first, I was too defensive to hear her properly. But once I calmed down, I started to understand where she was coming from. She had legitimate concerns about how I was conducting myself with clients. I needed to take those concerns seriously.

HERtitude is turning 5 this April 2026, and it would be such a shame if you missed out on all the fun. Make sure to secure your tickets听.

Right. Has that issue caused any more problems in your relationship?

Ife: Things have changed in how we operate. I’m now more in charge of booking clients and vetting them thoroughly before we accept any jobs. If I suspect any foul play or if something doesn’t sit right with me about a particular client or booking, I cancel it. I don’t care how much money they’re offering to pay us. 

Sunkanmi doesn’t always like it when I turn down good money, but he respects my decision because he knows why we’re in this position in the first place.

Sunkanmi: It bothers me that she feels like she has to monitor the bookings and vet every client before I interact with them. But I also understand her concerns. So I’m trying to be patient and work through it with her.

Curious, Sunkanmi. How exactly are you working through it?

Sunkanmi: I’ve had to learn what appropriate boundaries actually look like with clients, especially female clients. I don’t respond to messages late at night anymore unless it’s a genuine emergency that can’t wait. I don’t entertain conversations that aren’t directly related to the service we’re providing or the booking they’re making. I keep things professional and focused. It’s been an adjustment for me because I’m naturally a friendly person, but I know it’s necessary if I want this relationship with Ife to work.

Ife:  I can see that he’s making a genuine effort to change his behaviour and rebuild my trust. It’s not perfect, and there are still moments when my anxiety kicks in, and I worry about what’s happening when I’m not there. That said, we’re moving in the right direction, and I can feel the difference.

Do you still enjoy working together, or has the tension in the relationship affected the business?

Ife: We’ve turned down some lucrative opportunities because I didn’t feel comfortable with them, and that’s cost us money. But I’d rather lose money than lose the relationship. The business is important, but it’s not more important than our trust and our peace of mind.

Sunkanmi: I still enjoy working with her. We complement each other well professionally. She brings skills and expertise that I don’t have, and vice versa. If anything, it’s made me realise how important it is that we’re aligned on how we run the business and how we treat our clients.

Fair enough. What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?

Sunkanmi: I value Ife a lot. She’s intelligent, hardworking, and dedicated to her craft. She challenges me to be better, both in business and in life. She doesn’t let me get away with things, and even though that can be frustrating sometimes, I know it’s because she cares. She wants us to succeed together, and she’s not willing to compromise on her standards. I respect that about her.

Ife: Sunkanmi is ambitious. He has a vision for what he wants to build, and he’s willing to work for it. That’s something I admire. He’s also able to overlook some of my flaws and my moments of insecurity. He doesn’t hold grudges, and he’s willing to have difficult conversations even when they’re uncomfortable. That’s not easy to find in a partner.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Sunkanmi: I’d give it a 7. We’re not where I want us to be yet, but we’re working toward it. 

Ife: I’d also say 7. It’s not perfect, and we’ve been through some difficult moments. But I’m still here, and he’s still here. We’re both committed to making this work.听

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

Tora* (21) and T峄嵦乴谩n铆* (23) met on a dating app in March 2025.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a shared love for hugs turned into something deeper, navigating polyamory when it鈥檚 new territory for one party, and what it means to fight for a relationship your family doesn’t know about.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tora: March 2025; the day we matched on the dating app. I saw her profile, and something felt different. Her bio read: 鈥淚 like hugs, spicy food, and sweets. I’m also asexual, but still figuring out what I’m open to and I can get awkward with flirting and compliments. That said, I prioritise emotional connections. I appreciate long conversations and a genuine interest in the mundanity of each other’s lives.鈥� 

Everything in that bio was me. I love hugs, spicy food, and sweets. I’m also asexual. Her eyes had this warmth I don’t see in other people. I didn’t expect her to match with me because I thought she was out of my league. But it happened.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: I remember finding her profile and thinking she looked amazing. I swiped right first because I wasn’t expecting her to swipe back. But she did. Even after the match notification, I was hesitant to send a message because of previous dating app experiences. I was living in the Azores at the time, dating apps were not kind to dark-skinned girls. I encountered many racists. It didn’t help that I was asexual. As a rule, I’d always wait for the other person to message first.

Tora: I had a 鈥淒o not message first鈥� rule. I wanted people to actually show interest because I was tired of always making the first move and getting ghosted. So I stopped making the first move altogether. But when I saw her, I was convinced we鈥檇 be compatible. After about an hour of deliberating, I broke that rule and said something. Thank God I did.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: Tora’s bio said she was a professional cuddler. My bio said that I loved hugs. I found it adorable. At the time I met Tora, I had almost given up on dating apps.

Sweet. How did the conversation go when you reached out, Tora?

Tora: My first message went like this: 鈥滾ike spicy food: check. Like hugs: check. Likes sweets: check. Asexual: somewhere under that umbrella. How was your week?鈥�

 She replied the next day. From there, we talked about anything we could think of. I broke the ice by asking about her hobbies. She told me she liked reading. Keep this in mind because it planted a seed in my mind that would eventually prompt me to write her a book.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: I 诲辞苍鈥檛 usually befriend people quickly, but we got to talking about our interests, our families, recipes we wanted to try, and so on. These conversations would go on late into the night. Our first conversation lasted three hours. Soon, I found myself getting excited with every notification from her. One thing I found fascinating about how we met was how easily the conversations flowed.

Must have been nice. How did things progress from texting to meeting in person?

Tora: One day, we were talking about our favourite shows and genres, and at some point, I randomly texted, 鈥淢y day just keeps getting better. Genuinely, I think it’s been like the best couple weeks of my life lately. Knock on wood, but my anxiety tells me it’s about to be ripped away from me for character development.鈥�

Then I said, 鈥淚 feel like if I ask you on a date, I’ll be pushing my luck because there has to be a limit to how awesome a life can be.鈥�

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: I replied:  鈥淥nly one way to find out.鈥�

 That was how she asked me out. This was still pretty early in April, and she had a trip coming up, so we scheduled our date for after she got back. The date was set for later in the month.

Tora: Before we met in person, we discussed boundaries and comfort level with physical touch. I asked about her preferences, if she was a hugger or a handshake kind of person. We both agreed to give each other elbow bumps at our first meeting, as a homage to COVID-19. 

That all flew out the window once we actually saw each other. We flew into each other’s arms.

Awwn. Tell me more about your first meeting.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: It was spontaneous. It happened the day before our official date. My brother was having an exam near Tora’s place, and I was going to wait at a garden. Tora offered to keep me company. She had a formal event, so she was dressed nicely in a long black dress. When she saw me, she did a little jog in her heels. When she got to me, no elbow bumps or handshakes. We ran into each other’s arms.

Tora: I nearly winded myself with the crash-hug. It felt nice to get the pre-date jitters out of the way. T峄嵦乴谩n铆 noticed I couldn’t stop watching her. I’m an expert speedcuber, but even though I’d been solving Rubik’s cubes for nine years, I forgot my algorithms because I couldn’t think straight. She also immediately started playing with my hair. I let her.

What about the actual first date? How did that go?

Tora: Our date was fantastic. We had our first kiss. She brought me flowers. I’ve never been given flowers before. We talked over coffee, shared a pistachio cronut, walked around the gardens, and held hands. On our first date, I told her I loved her in Yoruba. I studied to tell her that in her native language. The pronunciation wasn’t perfect, but she could tell how much effort I’d put in.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: It was beautiful. She also taught me how to ride her waveboard. I had an embarrassing fall, and she came over, squatted with me, and hugged me. The damage to my ego was worse than any physical pain, but she knew how to comfort me in the sweetest way.

T峄嵦乴谩n铆, how did you feel about Tora鈥檚 declaration of love on a first date?

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: Honestly, I took a bit longer to come to terms with my feelings. For one thing, I felt it was a little too soon. We’d only been talking for about a month when she said it. 

Also, there鈥檚 something I need to mention. Tora is polyamorous. She has a husband.

Oh.

Tora: I never hid it. Before we had any romantic interest in each other, I’d casually brought my husband up. T峄嵦乴谩n铆 knew I’m poly. It’s in my bio. It says 鈥渆thical non-monogamy.鈥�

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: At first, I paused when she mentioned a husband. Yes, her bio had 鈥渆thical non-monogamy,鈥� so I knew she might have other partners. A husband was a whole different ballgame. 

I almost ghosted her, but I valued the friendship we’d built, so I continued. I was struggling with the guilt of feeling like 鈥渢he other woman鈥� in a marriage. I brought up my feelings with Tora, and she told me that love is not a finite resource. She loves her husband and loves me; that being married to him doesn’t make their relationship any more important than ours. Her words were:  鈥淚’m committed to you, and I’m committed to Carlos. Married or not, I love you both.鈥�

 It was then I realised what had been holding me back, and I finally let go.

Nice. When did you officially become a couple?

Tora: May 10th, 2025. She told me she loved me for the first time. I asked if that meant she was ready to make it official. She said yes. Then she went back through our chat history and replied to each instance where she really wanted to say 鈥淚 love you鈥� but had resisted. It made me cry.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: We had a couple more dates of just us being cute and silly together. It was one of the happiest times of my life. The day after our first date, I attended a conference Tora was hosting so I could support her from the audience. Being there really grounded her and made her do a better job at hosting. The conference was a great success. I also met her husband, Carlos. I sat next to him in the audience, and we chatted about Tora while she was on stage.

What was it like meeting Carlos for the first time?

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: Carlos was sweet but shy like me. We didn’t talk much, and it was hard to get a read on him. I wasn’t sure if he liked me, but I desperately hoped he did. At first, it felt like a 鈥漨eeting the parents鈥� moment. Afterwards, Tora encouraged us to get to know each other a little more, assuring me that Carlos did not, in fact, hate my entire existence and was just shy. So Carlos and I began sending each other reels on Instagram, and we slowly built up a friendship from there.

Tora: One of the things that really solidified their friendship status as was the day they planned to surprise me with a brunch, their treat. They met up at the central bus station and got on the bus together to the restaurant where we鈥檇 planned to meet. They sat at the back of the bus chatting away, discussing how they thought I’d react. Then I walked into the same bus. I sat at the front, luckily, and didn’t notice them. But they were at the back of the bus, giggling and hiding, trying to keep out of sight. They recorded my clueless self getting on the same bus. It was a complete coincidence, but I’m ashamed I couldn’t detect their cuteness with my sixth sense. 

How would you describe the dynamic between the three of you now, T峄嵦乴谩n铆?

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: I enjoy the metamour dynamic more than I thought I would. Carlos is easy to talk to and gives good advice. We have quite a few similar interests as well. I never thought it’d be so fun scheming to love-bomb a partner, but it is. Right now, I would say he’s my best guy friend.

Right. What were the early days of your relationship like?

Tora: They were really nice. But in May, she told me she’d be leaving the Azores. I was heartbroken, but I decided I was in too deep to back out. Before her, I thought I’d never be in a long-distance relationship, but I wanted to try for her.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: That was also one of the reasons I was hesitant to share my feelings.. This was my first relationship, and the speed at which we were drawn to each other surprised me. I was selfish and didn’t want to tell her I was leaving, as I thought she might ghost me. I should have trusted her more. I eventually told her when I realised I was in over my head. I told her I understood if it was a deal breaker. She was sad but said she’d be willing to try for me. So we had to come to terms with long distance pretty early in the relationship. 

When did you leave, T峄嵦乴谩n铆? And what was that transition like for both of you?

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: I left in July 2025. Before I left, we wanted to have one last fun event with my friends. We organised a karaoke night and had a great night singing songs together and getting tipsy.

Tora: When she told me she was leaving, I was with Carlos cooking for him, and I started to cry. He comforted me. T峄嵦乴谩n铆 and I made plans through tears on how to maintain the relationship over distance. We said we’d do a weekly movie night, check in every day, and be intentional about times of high stress and busyness. The transition was difficult, incredibly so. But before she left, I opened a savings account to save up to see her. We both don’t make much money, so we can’t see each other often. I put 100-200 euros a month into it, and we made it work.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: The early days of long-distance were rough. I missed her terribly and was depressed for a while. But I was still living with my parents, so I had to be careful. We called and texted often, and we had our Friday movie nights, but it was still tough. I wasn’t careful enough, though, because my parents got suspicious of my constant calls and wanted to know if I was dating anyone. My parents are staunch Christians, and I haven鈥檛 come out to the. So I discussed with Tora that I had to lay low for a while. Those days were hard. We couldn’t talk to each other much at all.

Read our State of Love Report 2026

How did Carlos take T峄嵦乴谩n铆’s move?

Tora: He was sad too. They became friends quickly because my husband was open to making new friends. But now that she鈥檚 away, they still have game nights and keep up with each other. He didn’t break down like I did, though. He’s stronger than I am. I think he was more worried about me since he knew how hard it hit me.

Sweet. Have you guys  talked about reuniting?

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: We actually spent some time together in December 2025. The reunion was both carefully planned and spontaneous. Tora had suggested it, but I didn’t know what I’d tell my parents. That was until I had some valid reasons to travel. Then the alibi pieces fell into place. Soon, I had a flight booked. The trip itself was magical. Those four days were the highlight of my 2025.

Tora: Wecould only afford four days. Day one, she arrived late, so we had dinner at a Lebanese restaurant. Day two, we slept in to cuddle, got street food, went ice skating, and ate churros in the grass. On day three, we went on a hike with friends and ate at a Nigerian restaurant, where I tried Malta Guinness for the first time. Day four, we spent the morning together and went to the arcade with friends in the afternoon.  On day five, when we had to part, we spent the morning holding each other in tears, trying to delay the inevitable. But it鈥檚 okay. Whether or not we鈥檙e together, we鈥檙e both committed to each other.

Fair enough. So it鈥檚 been almost a year together, have you had any major fights or arguments?

Tora: Nothing relationship-threatening. I’ve had some trouble listening and zoning out when she’s talking about her interests. She also had a problem with me calling her ‘chocolate’ or things similar to that earlier in our relationship. It bothered her, so I stopped.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: Yes. I get really upset about the zoning out bit. But she鈥檚 apologetic every time and is making the effort to be more intentional with listening. We鈥檝e started organising鈥渋ntentional listening鈥� time slots where she eliminates distractions so I can talk about anything. 

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Tora: She is my perfect match. Nobody I dated before matched my energy levels. I’m very open about my love, outwardly affectionate, and super loving by nature. I’m loud and excitable, and most people haven’t been as vivacious. I thought I was weird for it. But after I found T峄嵦乴谩n铆, I finally had someone who could love me the way I love them. Unapologetically, affectionately. We match each other’s energy.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: She makes me feel seen. She sees and accepts all parts of me, even the cringe bits. With her, I never have to worry about doing too much or being annoying. I can just be. She’s consistent, kind, loving, and extremely expressive. I love her vivacious, free-spirited energy. She lifts me up and inspires me to keep improving myself.

How do you see the future of this relationship, considering the reservations from T峄嵦乴谩n铆’s family?

Tora: I understand where her family is coming from. I fully support their beliefs and respect their religion and their background. Same with T峄嵦乴谩n铆. I respect her beliefs and religion, even if I am not of that religion. I have no intention to drive her away from her faith or her family.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: Honestly, it is uncertain. I do not know where life will take me or what my future holds, but I do know that I want her in my future, and I will fight for a future together. Whatever that may look like. That’s the reason I gave her the Oriki Aduk岷�: One you fight to care for. 

As for coming out to my parents, I plan to do that as soon as I have some financial safety nets. I love my parents dearly, but I do not think they will accept my relationship. I am mentally, if anything, prepared for the possibility that I will be cut off once that day comes.

Tora: It is such a wholesome feeling of love and acceptance to be bestowed an oriki since I am not Nigerian myself. Her best friend also approved of me and gave me a Nigerian name.

Sweet. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Tora: Numbers are not appropriate to measure my love for this woman. A scale of 1 to 10 implies there’s a maximum amount of love I can experience for her, but even after almost a year together, I keep loving her more each and every day. For her, I changed. For her, I improved. For her, I committed to long distance, despite my reservations. For her, I get up in the morning. For her, I work hard to earn money so I can see her again. For her, I’d do it all. It’d be easy to say ’10’ here, but it wouldn’t be adequate. Every time I make her smile, it makes all the pain of this distance worth it.

罢峄嵦乴谩苍铆: I wouldn’t rate our relationship because I feel it is too complex to assign a number to. I would rate the situation an 8.9 out of 10, because of the forced distance and the alienation of having to keep the relationship secret from my parents. But even at that, I would go through the pain of leaving her and the stress of homophobic parents a million times over for a chance to hold her hand again.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

HERtitude is back this April with Main Character Energy. Get your tickets here:

Do you have awkward questions about sex or contraception, but 诲辞苍鈥檛 know who to ask?

Ask Myka! Get judgment-free answers about birth control, sex, and your body anytime. Tap the to start chatting with Myka, the contraception chatbot!

Hariff* (27) and Jumoke* (26) met in December 2024 at an adult-themed house party.听

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a wild truth-or-dare game broke the ice, why honesty about sexual preferences changed everything for them, and how making up after arguments usually starts with one person being horny.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Hariff: I met Jumoke at a house party in December 2025. My brother works in showbiz, so he usually gets free invites and tickets to shows and events around Lagos. He’d gotten an invite to an adult-themed house party on Boxing Day and asked if I wanted to come. I had no plans, so I said yes. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was curious.

When I got there, the vibe was already lit. There were games happening in different corners of the house, people were drinking and dancing, and the music was loud.

Most people who were there had attended previous editions of the party, so many came with their partners. During the truth-or-dare game, they kept picking each other because they were comfortable with it. I was basically just there observing and drinking. Then Jumoke was dared to tickle a guy’s ear. I guess I seemed like the only guy who wasn’t already partnered up with someone, so she picked me.

Jumoke: I had only attended that party because my friends dragged me out. I’d been sick for most of December and had missed several hangouts with them. They were frustrated that I either cancelled or didn鈥檛 feel up to it.听So when they saw this party was free for women, they basically forced me to come. They said I needed to get out of the house and have some fun. I wasn’t even in the mood for a party; I was still recovering and just wanted to stay home. But I went anyway to keep the peace and stop them from complaining.

When it was my turn to do the dare, I panicked a little because I didn’t know anyone there. I looked around, and Hariff seemed like the safest option. He wasn’t with anyone, he looked calm, and he didn’t seem like he’d make it weird. So I walked over to him and did the dare. He was very chill about it, which made me relax.

Right. So what happened after that?

Hariff: For the rest of the night, we kept picking each other during the games. Whenever either of us had to choose someone, we’d just look at each other. It was easier because we’d already broken the ice. The games got progressively wilder as the night went on, so there was definitely a lot of tension building between us.

Jumoke: The party ran through the night, so after the games wound down, people started pairing off or just chilling in different corners of the house. Hariff and I ended up on a couch together, and we talked for hours. We talked about everything 鈥� our families, jobs, what we’d been doing with our December, and other random things. It was surprisingly easy to talk to him. At some point, we fell asleep on that couch.

Hariff: When we woke up the next morning, the house was quieter. A lot of people had already left. As we exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes, I fully saw Jumoke and took her in properly. The night before, everywhere had been dimly lit, so I hadn’t really paid that much attention. But in the morning light, I looked at her and thought, okay, she’s really beautiful. I liked her immediately.

Hariff, when did you reach out to her after the party?

Hariff: I reached out to her after I got home. I told her I’d had a really good time talking to her and would like to see her again. She responded pretty quickly, and we started talking properly from there. We made plans to hang out a few days later, then we saw each other almost every other day until the end of the year. We’d go to different events, try new restaurants, go to the beach, explore the city and spend time together. The connection we’d felt at the party carried over into real life, and it felt even better outside of that wild environment. We got to know each other properly, beyond the games and the party atmosphere.

Jumoke: It鈥檚 funny because I usually 诲辞苍鈥檛 take men I meet under weird circumstances seriously. I remember I鈥檇 said a quiet 鈥渘aso鈥� after he took my number and promised to reach out. Surprisingly, he kept to his word. 

I guess I was also receptive because some of the games we’d played at the party created this insane sexual tension between us. Every time we hung out, it felt like it was building toward something. We both knew what was happening, but we didn’t rush it.

I can imagine. When did things get physical between you?

Hariff: About three weeks after we met. We’d been spending a lot of time together, and one day it just happened. We were at my place, and things escalated. And I’m not going to lie, it was insane. I wasn’t expecting it to be that good, but it was.

Jumoke: I wasn’t shy about what I wanted. I told him exactly what I liked and how I wanted things to go. For me, that’s always been important. I don’t see the point in being quiet and hoping someone figures it out. Just say it. It makes everything better for everyone involved.

Hariff: That was a first for me. The girls I’d been with before were shy about that kind of thing. They’d wait for me to lead, or they wouldn’t say what they wanted directly. But Jumoke was completely different. She was confident and direct, and it made me more confident, too. It removed a lot of the guesswork and pressure.

Jumoke: I’ve found that most men actually appreciate it when you tell them what you want because it makes it easier. They don’t have to worry about whether you’re enjoying yourself or whether they’re doing something wrong. You’re just giving them direct feedback, and they鈥檙e doing the Lord鈥檚 work. 

Did you guys talk about going official at any point?

Jumoke: Oh, yes. After the first time we had sex, I was really clear on my dislike for relationships without labels. I told him if we were going to get together again, it had to be under defined terms. And I wasn鈥檛 even saying that because I wanted him to ask me out. I just needed to know if we were in it for the sex or something else. But then he asked me out.

Hariff: Maybe because the sex was too good? But honestly, I鈥檇 fallen for her right after that morning at the house party. She crossed all my boxes for what I wanted physically and had other qualities I admired. Kindness, selflessness, not to mention that she got along with my siblings the first time she visited our house. That was also another first, compared to other girls who had visited. 

Sweet. So would you say physical chemistry is the foundation of your relationship?

Jumoke: I wouldn’t say it’s the only foundation, but it’s definitely a major part of what keeps us together. We like each other as people, too. We enjoy spending time together outside of the bedroom. But the physical connection is really strong, and I think that makes a difference. Good sex can carry you through a lot of rough patches.

Hariff: I agree with that. It’s not like we don’t have our issues. We do. But I think our physical connection makes it easier to reconnect after a disagreement. It reminds us why we’re together in the first place.

What are some of those issues you’ve had to navigate?

Hariff: Jumoke procrastinates a lot, which drives me crazy sometimes. She’ll say she’s going to do something, and then she’ll put it off until the last minute. It makes me worried because I like to plan ahead and get things done early. So when she’s dragging her feet on something, I get anxious.

Jumoke: It’s something I’m working on. But what frustrates me about Hariff is that he’s not expressive when he’s angry or hurt. He’ll just go quiet. And I hate the silent treatment. I’d rather you tell me what’s wrong so we can talk about it and fix it. But he shuts down and makes everything worse because I’m left guessing what I did or what’s bothering him.

Hariff: I’m also trying to get better at that. I know the silent treatment isn’t fair, but sometimes I need time to process my feelings before I can talk about them. I don’t want to say something I鈥檒l regret later in the heat of the moment . So I keep to myself. 

You鈥檝e both said you鈥檙e trying to do better. What steps do you guys take to resolve your issues?

Jumoke: Honestly? A lot of the time, we end up back together because one of us gets horny. I know that sounds shallow or immature, but it’s the truth of how we operate. We’ll be in the middle of being upset with each other, giving each other space or whatever, and then one of us will reach out. Not to apologise or talk things through right away, but just to say ‘I miss you’ or ‘Come over.’ And suddenly we’re fine again. I know it’s not the healthiest pattern. I’m aware that we should probably sit down and talk through our issues more directly before jumping straight to making up. But this is what works for us more often than not, at least for now.

Hariff: I’d say about 80 per cent of the time, that’s what happens. 

Do you think that’s sustainable long term?

Jumoke: I think it works for us right now because we’re still in the early stages of our relationship. We’ve been together for a little over a year. Maybe as we grow together, we’ll develop better communication habits. But for now, this is what we’re doing, and we’re both okay with it. 

Hariff: I also think that the fact that we’re physically compatible makes the relationship worth fighting for. It’s not just about sex for the sake of sex. It’s about the connection we make during those moments. That intimacy carries over into other parts of our relationship. It makes us want to work through the tough stuff rather than just walk away.

Fair enough. Beyond the physical, what else do you enjoy about being with each other?

Jumoke: Hariff is funny. He makes me laugh a lot. He’s also very considerate in ways that matter to me. He remembers small things I mention in passing and follows up on them. That means more to me than grand gestures. He’s also easy to be around. I don’t feel like I have to perform or be a certain way when I’m with him. I can just be myself.

Hariff: Jumoke is one of the most confident people I know, and I find that attractive. She knows what she wants, not just in bed but in life. She’s ambitious. She’s driven. She’s not waiting around for things to happen to her. She’s making things happen. And she’s very caring. When I’m stressed or overwhelmed, she knows how to calm me down and make me feel better. I just need her to stop procrastinating. Haha.

Curious, Hariff. Has being with Jumoke changed your approach to sex and intimacy?

Hariff: I’ve become a lot more receptive to trying new things. Before Jumoke, I had a more narrow and conventional view of what sex should look like or how it should go. I thought there was a certain script I had to follow as a man. But she’s introduced me to different things, different dynamics, different ways of experiencing intimacy, and I’ve realised I actually enjoy a lot of it. I’m more open now to exploring and experimenting. I don’t feel like I have to be in control all the time or lead everything. Sometimes she takes control, and I’m completely fine with that. In fact, I enjoy it. 

Jumoke: That’s one of the things I love most about Hariff. He’s not fragile about his masculinity. He doesn’t feel threatened when I take the lead in bed. He lets me do whatever I want, and he genuinely enjoys it. A lot of men say they’re open, but when it comes down to it, they’re not really comfortable exploring new territories. Hariff actually is.

I imagine so. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Jumoke: I’d give it a 10. Not because we’re perfect, but because what we have works for us. We’re honest with each other. We enjoy each other. We’re attracted to each other. We’re both committed to making this work even when it’s hard. That’s a 10 in my book.

Hariff: I’ll also give it a 10. We’re learning together, growing together, and having great sex while at it. I’m happy. She’s happy. That’s what matters.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

Morenikeji* (49) and Thompson* (53) met at her mother’s food restaurant near a bus park in 2000. They have been married for 20 years.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how an unlikely meeting led to marriage, surviving years of toxicity, and how patience, faith, and time transformed what could have ended into a lasting relationship.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Morenikeji: March, 2000. I鈥檇 finished secondary school and was working with my mum at her restaurant near the bus park. Thompson’s father owned buses at the park, and Thompson managed them on his behalf.听 Men from the park, including Thompson,听 ate at our restaurant.

I noticed him quite early. He always spoke English, which stood out in that environment. There was something about how he carried himself that was a little different from everyone else. But I never let any of my interest show. My mum had warned me seriously about getting involved with any of the men in the park. She didn’t trust the environment, and I respected that. So I kept my distance from everyone, Thompson included. He got the same treatment as everybody else.

Thompson: I started noticing Morenikeji not long after I became a regular at the shop. But what attracted me to her wasn’t just her looks. It was how she carried herself. She was strict. She didn’t give any man room to disrespect her. I observed how she handled customers, moved around the shop,听 and shut down anyone who overstepped. She wasn’t rude about it, but her boundaries were very clear. I found that extremely attractive.

When I tried to have conversations with her, she was always curt. Short answers, no warmth or invitation to continue talking. I kept trying because something told me there was more there. I wasn’t going to give up just because she didn鈥檛 make it easy.

Curious, Morenikeji. Why did he get that treatment even when you had some interest? 

Morenikeji: My mum once told a customer off for trying to get chatty with me. So it was best to keep my feelings private.

What changed things was my birthday; he got me something really nice. I wasn’t expecting the gesture at all. I had been cold and curt the entire time I鈥檇 known him, yet he still paid attention enough to know when my birthday was and do something thoughtful about it. After that, I became warmer, started giving him more attention, and that’s really how things began between us.

How did you know her birthday, Thompson?

Thompson: I鈥檇 overheard her mum talking about it some weeks earlier, so I听 committed the date to memory.听

Morenikeji started warming up after the gift. I was genuinely happy when she finally started letting me in. 

Right. How did things progress from there?

Morenikeji: We kept it very private at first. My mum didn’t know, so we had to be careful about how we moved. We’d find moments to talk, spend time together quietly away from the observant eyes at the park. It felt good. For the first time, someone in that environment felt worth knowing; worth trusting a little. I started to enjoy having him around. We also snuck to hotels on some weekends.

Thompson: Those early months of getting to know each other were really good. She wasn’t someone who just agreed with everything you said or told you what you wanted to hear; she pushed back. She had her own perspective and wasn’t afraid to express it. I respected that. 

But things took an unexpected turn.

What happened?

Morenikeji: I got pregnant towards the end of that year. When I found out, I was scared. I was young, wasn鈥檛 married, and I knew my mum would be disappointed. But I knew I didn’t want to abort. My mum was also against terminating the pregnancy when I eventually told her. 

So she took the situation into her own hands. She went straight to Thompson’s family and confronted them. Things moved very quickly after that. There was an introduction, and we got married in 2001.

We went from a secret relationship to a rushed marriage in a very short time.

Thompson: I wasn’t ready. I didn鈥檛 even have my own place yet. Now I had to raise a family. 

I had wanted her to abort the pregnancy. I felt cornered into the marriage even though I had genuine feelings for her.听 I resented how it happened and how the decision was taken out of my hands. I didn’t know how to process any of that, so I was often angry.听

Considering the circumstances around your marriage, what did the early years look like?

Morenikeji: He was very aggressiveverbally and physically. Those early years were very, very hard. I would cry and go to my mum, and she would advise me to endure. She would also remind me that she warned me about the men in the park, which was her subtle way of reminding me I had brought it on myself. That made everything worse. I was suffering, and I felt like I couldn’t fully complain about it.

After I delivered our child, he calmed down for a period. I didn’t fully understand why at the time. Maybe having a child changed something in him, or maybe other things also played into it. But there was a 1-2-year stretch where things were more stable, and we actually lived like husband and wife. 

Thompson: I think it boils down to the resentment I was carrying at the time. I was directing it at her, even though she was not the real source. I was young and angry, but that鈥檚 no excuse for my actions.

Hmmm.

Morenikeji: When he started again, my mum changed her advice. This time, she told me to retaliate. She said I should not allow him to treat me like a servant. So for every verbal attack, I returned it. Every physical one, I returned. It became very toxic between us. The house was genuinely a war zone for a while. I’m not proud of my own behaviour during those years either, but I was fighting to survive the only way I knew.

Did you consider leaving?

Morenikeji: It crossed my mind many times, and I would be lying if I said I never got close to actually doing it. But I had decided that I didn’t want to have children with different men. I wanted one family. And as bad as the worst days were, there were also genuinely good days in between. We had moments that reminded me of why I had been drawn to him in the first place. There were real things worth holding onto even in the middle of all the chaos.

Thompson: When she started fighting back, something happened inside me. I think on some level I had been behaving the way I was because I expected her to keep absorbing it. When she didn’t, I had to look at myself differently. It forced a confrontation with my own behaviour and the aggression started losing its grip on me. Over time, I began to pull back from it.

That still sounds like a very difficult and prolonged period. What actually turned things around for good?

Thompson: Faith, genuinely. I became more serious about my religion, and it changed how I saw everything around me. My marriage, my responsibilities as a husband and a father, my own behaviour and character. I had to sit with who I had been and what I had done to the woman I married. It鈥檚 not easy, but I did it. And I changed because I had to, not because anyone was forcing me.I looked at my life, and I didn’t like the man I was seeing.

It was a slow process, and it required real work. But the intention was clear, and even Morenikeji could see that the change was real and not just temporary.

Morenikeji: I didn’t trust the change immediately. I remember telling my mum and she said I should stay on guard. She said he was only slowing down because he鈥檇 seen that I couldn鈥檛 be trampled upon easily. And it was true, you can’t just wake up and say you鈥檙e a changed man, especially after all you鈥檝e put me through. But, even with all my doubts,  the change was obvious. There was a time he even brought his pastors to for forgiveness from me. So slowly, I let my own guard down. We eventually  found our way back to what a marriage should feel like.

When I look back now, I think it was a combination of everything working together. His faith and the personal reckoning it brought. My own stubbornness in not walking away. Time doing what time does. The grace of God, as both of us would say. None of it was easy, but we came out the other side.

Curious, though. How did those hard years affect the children? Did you make any effort to shield them?

Morenikeji: When children are small, they sense tension, and they feel the atmosphere of a home, but they can’t fully understand what they’re seeing. So I like to think they didn鈥檛 fully understand what was happening. Now that they’re grown, they see everything clearly. They can read a room. They know when something isn’t right between us. This knowledge guards how I handle conflict now. I don’t want them watching us treat each other the way we used to. 

Thompson: We still argue. I want to say that clearly because I don’t want us to sound like a couple that has arrived at some kind of perfection.  Things still get heated sometimes. But there is a maturity in how we handle it now that simply did not exist before. We don’t cross certain lines anymore. When a conversation starts going in a bad direction, one of us pulls back before it escalates. That of restraint didn鈥檛 come easily or naturally. But it’s there now.

Right. When you look back at those early years, what do you think you could have done differently?

Thompson: I see that period as a test. I say that not to minimise what happened or to wrap it in a neat spiritual explanation that lets me off the hook. I don’t believe that. What I did was wrong, and I own that fully. But I understand now that we were two young people in a situation that neither of us had planned or chosen on our own terms. We were young and immature. We didn’t know how to communicate. We didn’t know how to give each other grace. We learned all of that the hardest possible way. 

Morenikeji: I鈥檒l say I 诲辞苍鈥檛 regret standing up for myself. It was necessary to do that. But that period no longer defines us. We have built something real on the other side of all of that, and the fact that our union survived is the thing I hold onto. We didn’t come through all of that for nothing.

Fair enough. What is the best thing about being with each other today?

Morenikeji: He knows me completely. Twenty years means there is nothing hidden between us. He knows my moods before I speak them. He knows which silences are fine and which ones mean something is wrong. There is a sense of comfort in being fully known by someone and having them choose to stay anyway.

Thompson: She never gave up on us when I gave her every reason to walk away. I think about that often. The strength it took to stay and fight for something that must have felt broken beyond repair. That is not something I take lightly. She is a stronger woman than I deserved in those years. I’m grateful for where we are now. I’m grateful that we found our way through.

What would you say to a young couple going through a very rough patch who are wondering whether to stay?

Morenikeji: A rough patch is not the same thing as a broken marriage, but you have to be honest with yourself about which one you are actually in. There are things that can be worked through over time, with effort and genuine change from both sides. And there are things that cannot. Only you know which situation you are truly in. For us, the good that existed between us was always real enough to hold onto, even during the worst of it. That mattered. It kept me there when leaving would have been easier.

Thompson: I would tell the man specifically to look at himself honestly. A lot of problems in a marriage begin with a man who has not dealt with his own unresolved issues and is taking them out on the people closest to him. I know because I was that man. Deal with yourself first. You cannot build something healthy while carrying things you have refused to address. It is uncomfortable work, but it is the only real way through.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Morenikeji: I would give it an 8. Not because things are perfect, because they are not and I would never claim otherwise. But because of how far we have come from where we started. There is still work in any marriage. There will always be work. 

Thompson: I’ll give it an 8 as well. We鈥檝e built something that went through the very worst and still held together. You don’t appreciate calm water the same way if you have never been in a storm.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

Sebastian* (24) and Lauretta* (23)听 met in 2023 during their uni鈥檚 Freshers’ week.听

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the financial crisis that brought them together, navigating a no-sex boundary for over a year, and why their first Valentine’s Day as a sexually active couple was both awkward and beautiful.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Sebastian: Freshers’ week in 2023. I’d made up my mind that university was going to be different;I was somewhat of a nerd in secondary school. I wasn’t as cool as my classmates. Girls barely looked my way, and I just decided to focus on my studies. 

Plus, I was young and couldn’t afford to keep a girlfriend on the little pocket money I got from home.

But when I came to university, I promised myself I wouldn’t let the same thing happen. So I started looking out for a potential babe right from the jump. During Freshers’ week, I noticed Lauretta. She was very reserved and kept to herself. That caught my attention because most of the other girls were loud and trying to make friends with everyone. 

During one of the orientation lectures, I walked up to her and asked if I could sit next to her. She said yes, but she was not so warm. She gave very short answers to my questions 鈥� her name, where she was from and her hall of residence. She wasn’t rude, but she wasn’t warm either. 

We had another lecture two days later, and I sat beside her again. This time, she was more receptive. She actually smiled when she saw me. We talked a bit more, and that’s how we became friends. Or at least, I thought we were becoming friends.

Lauretta: My first memory of Sebastian was in that lecture hall. Honestly, I hadn’t really paid any attention to him or the other guys. I didn’t even have time for that because I wasn’t sure if I’d remain in the school. There were lots of financial issues at home, and my parents suggested I  defer my admission until they could sort things out.

So when this guy came and sat next to me during the lecture, asking me all these questions, I felt like he was a disturbance. I was polite because I didn’t want to be rude, but in my mind, I was thinking, ‘Please, I have bigger problems than making friends right now.’ The second time he came and sat beside me, I decided to give him an audience, so I wouldn鈥檛 come across as mean. That’s really all it was at first.

Right. What happened after the lecture hall encounters? 

Sebastian: We spent most of the first semester in a strange phase: be wherever she was. And she would just entertain me out of courtesy. Looking back now, I realise she probably wasn’t interested at first. But I didn’t give up.

I’d text her to ask if she was going to a particular lecture, and if she said yes, I’d make sure I got there early to save a seat for her. Or I’d offer to walk her to the library. Small things like that. She never said no, but she was never really excited either. She just kept it civil.

Lauretta: He’s right. I was just being civil. I wasn’t thinking about him in any romantic way. The whole time, I was worried about whether I’d even be able to continue in school. I felt guilty for adding to my parents鈥�  burden. So when Sebastian would show up and be friendly, I appreciated it, but I didn’t think much of it.

So, when did things take a turn?

Lauretta: I guess when we were about to write our first-semester exams. I still hadn’t paid my school fees. My parents had been trying, but they just couldn’t come up with the money. I was worried because I wouldn’t be allowed to write the exams if I hadn’t paid.

On the first day of exams, I couldn’t go into the hall because my name wasn’t on the list. I was standing outside, trying not to cry, when the exam ended, and everyone started coming out. Sebastian noticed and came over to ask what was wrong. I didn’t want to share my problems, but he seemed genuinely concerned. He was the only person who really cared enough to ask. So I opened up and told him about the school fees situation.

Sebastian: I felt so bad for her, but I didn’t have the money to help her. I was a student too, and I was depending on my parents. But the bursar was a distant uncle. So I took Lauretta to him and explained the situation. He was kind enough to let her write the exams with a promise that she’d pay before the end of the semester.

I didn’t think it was a big deal; I was just trying to help a friend. But that gesture really meant something to Lauretta. She told me later that it was the moment she began to see me differently.

Lauretta: It was everything. I’d been feeling so helpless and alone. And then Sebastian showed up and actually did something about it. That’s when I realised he wasn’t just some guy trying to befriend me for fun. He actually cared, and that gesture solidified his place in my heart as a friend. 

Wait, a friend? Didn鈥檛 you want more, Sebastian?

Sebastian: When we returned for the second semester, I asked her out properly. I’d spent most of the holiday break time confessing my feelings over text and sending her lengthy love messages. I told her how I felt, how much I cared about her, how I wanted us to be together. But Lauretta said she’d only take me seriously if I said it in person when we met again.

I hadn’t asked her out in person during the first semester because the whole semester was rough for her due to the school fees issue. I didn’t want to seem insensitive or like I was taking advantage of her vulnerability. So I waited. When we resumed for the second semester, I manned up and asked her face-to-face. And she said yes.

Lauretta: I needed to confirm he was serious. It’s easy to type sweet things, but saying them face-to-face takes courage. When he actually did it, I knew he meant it. So I said yes. 

I also told him I had a strict no-sex rule. I wanted us to take things slow and build our relationship on more than physical attraction.

Sebastian: I was fine with the no-sex rule. As long as we could cuddle and kiss, I was okay with waiting. I just wanted to be with her.

If you say so. What were the early days of your relationship like?

Lauretta: We did a lot of things together. We’d study together, eat together, and go to department events together. Sebastian lived in a private hostel, and his place was much better than mine. My hostel, on the other hand,  was crowded, noisy, and just generally uncomfortable. So I started spending more and more time at his place until I moved in with him.

Sebastian:. Having her around was nice. We became really close during that period. We learned each other’s habits, what annoyed us, and what made us happy. It was a good foundation for our relationship.

Curious, what about the no-sex boundary? How did you navigate that?

Lauretta: It wasn’t easy, I’ll be honest. We were living together, sleeping in the same bed, and being intimate in other ways. The temptation was definitely there. But I’d made up my mind about it, and Sebastian respected that. We did everything else but penetrative sex. We had our boundaries, and we stuck to them.

Sebastian: There were moments when it was hard to hold back. But I’d agreed to it, and I didn’t want to pressure her. I cared about her more than I cared about sex. So we made it work and found other ways. 

Plus, I鈥檇 never had penetrative sex, so it didn鈥檛 feel like I was missing out.

Fair enough.听

Lauretta: Although we finally had sex on Valentine’s Day, 2024. By that point, we’d been together for about a year. I felt ready and secure in our relationship. I knew Sebastian wasn’t just with me for sex. He’d proven over and over again that he cared about me for who I was. So I decided I wanted to take that step with him.

Sebastian: Valentine’s Day felt like the perfect day for it. It was romantic, special. We’d talked about it, so it wasn’t a spontaneous decision. We both knew it was going to happen. We wanted it to be memorable.

Nice. How was the experience?

Lauretta: It was cute because it was a first-time experience for both of us. Neither of us had done it before. Even though we’d done everything else leading up to it, actual sex was different. We both expected it to be super great, you know, like in the movies. But the reality was that the first few tries were mostly clumsy and uncomfortable.

Sebastian: Yes, it wasn’t this magical, perfect thing right away. There was a lot of fumbling, trying to figure out what worked and what felt good. It was awkward at times. But we laughed about it. We just enjoyed being together and learning together.

But we’re better at it now. Practice makes perfect, right? I’m just glad our first time was with each other. There’s something special about going through that learning process together, which made it hotter in my opinion. 

Another thing is just how Valentine’s Day now mean something else to us. It marks the day we took our relationship to a new level of intimacy and trust. 

Lauretta: It’s really special to us. It reminds us of how patient we were with each other and respected each other’s boundaries. And it reminds us that the best things are worth waiting for.

You mentioned earlier that you were discovering new things about each other. What were these discoveries, and how did you navigate them?

Lauretta: Living together as students has its challenges. Money is always tight. We have to budget carefully for food, transportation, and other expenses. Sometimes we argue about little things, like whose turn it is to clean or cook. But we always work through it.

There鈥檚 also the nerdy part. I like to study at my own pace, but Sebastian wants us to pull all-nighters or binge-watch tutorials on YouTube. Sometimes it really makes him overbearing, but I鈥檝e learnt to cope with him.

Sebastian: I mean, I like to see it being invested in our growth. We initially had a first-class goal, but a second-class upper is our goal now, and nothing鈥檚 stopping us.

For me, the biggest challenge right now is thinking about graduation. We’re both in our final year, and we’re worried about what happens after we leave school. We鈥檝e practically spent the last four or so years together. We鈥檝e stayed back in school during breaks and just spent time together. I鈥檓 not sure how we will go from that to not knowing when we鈥檒l be together next. What if we end up in different cities for NYSC or for work? It’s scary to think about.

Lauretta: But we’re trying not to stress much about it. I鈥檝e told him we鈥檒l cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, we’re just focusing on finishing strong and enjoying the time we have together.

Rooting for y鈥檃ll. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Sebastian: The best thing about being with Lauretta is how comfortable I feel around her. I can be myself completely. I don’t have to pretend or try to impress her. She knows me, all my quirks and flaws, and she loves me anyway. She’s also incredibly supportive. When I’m stressed about school or worried about the future, she’s there to encourage me.

Lauretta: Sebastian is my best friend. He’s the person I want to share everything with. He’s patient, kind, and thoughtful. He showed up for me when I needed someone the most, and he’s never stopped showing up. I trust him completely. And honestly, he makes me laugh. We have so much fun together, even when we’re just doing nothing.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Sebastian: I’d give it a 9. We have something really special. We’ve built a strong foundation based on friendship, trust, and respect. We’ve navigated challenges and come out stronger. The only reason it’s not a 10 is that we still have the uncertainty of graduation ahead of us. But I’m confident we’ll figure it out.

Lauretta: I’d also say 9. Sebastian has been everything I could ask for in a partner. He’s supportive, patient, and loving. I’m excited about our future, even with all the unknowns. We’ll make it work because we both want to.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.