Chikamso* (23) had known Adaeze* since secondary school, but they only became best friends at university. When Adaeze experienced a mental health crisis, her family blamed Chikamso and shut her out before she could understand what had happened.

For Sunken Ships, Chikamso talks about losing her best friend without understanding why and how the experience changed the way she approaches new friendships.

How did you and Adaeze* meet?

We attended the same secondary school and were seatmates, but we weren’t particularly close then. Then, after we graduated, we ended up at the same university. That was when we really grew a bond and became as close. 

At one point, she got into a toxic relationship that my family knew about. My mum was always concerned because she treated Adaeze like her own daughter. She eventually talked Adaeze out of that relationship. That was how much of a place she had in my life.

And how would you describe the friendship itself?

It was beautiful. In fact, we were more like sisters. We had each other’s backs. Naturally, we disagreed from time to time, but nothing that threatened our friendship. Adaeze was my favourite person, and she could be incredibly thoughtful. In 2023, I applied for a UK visa to visit my sister, but it was denied the day before my birthday. My family had spent a lot of money on the application, so I cried all morning on my birthday. 

Meanwhile, Adaeze had secretly contacted my siblings, parents and friends to make videos for me. She compiled them, sent me a gift and made the day special for me.

I also showed up for her. When she couldn’t secure accommodation, I let her stay in my hostel space for a semester because I genuinely saw her as family.

So at what point did you start noticing cracks in the friendship?

A few days after my birthday, Adaeze suddenly left the group chat we shared. We hadn’t quarrelled, so I called repeatedly, but she didn’t answer. I asked one of our mutual friends if she knew what had happened, but she didn’t.

Then, one of our classmates contacted me. He said Adaeze had sent him a voice note about me and asked him to rebroadcast it, but she deleted it before he could listen to the whole thing. From what he heard, she called my family and I evil and warned people to stay away from us.

I was confused and somewhat angry.  Shortly after,  Adaeze’s brother called and told me she was experiencing a mental health crisis and had been taken to a psychiatric hospital. 

My anger immediately turned to worry. I couldn’t sleep all night because I kept thinking about her. So, I decided to visit her the next day.

And how did that visit go?

It never happened. Her brother refused to share the hospital details because the family believed I had a hand in Adaeze’s condition. 

My aunt is a pastor, and whenever Adaeze visited my family, we sometimes attended her church. She had received prophecies there, and her brother was convinced those messages had affected her.

I tried to explain that I had no idea what was going on, but there was no real opportunity to have that conversation. He blocked me. Her mum blocked me, too, and eventually Adaeze blocked me.

I also couldn’t reach her sister, so after a while, I stepped back.

Hmm.

It was one of the worst periods of my life. My UK visa had been rejected, my boyfriend broke up with me that same month, and my best friend’s family believed I had harmed her. 

I had so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t reach Adaeze. She wasn’t speaking to me, and I couldn’t convince her family that I hadn’t done anything.

So I bottled everything up and tried to carry on with school.

I’m sorry. What happened when she returned to school?

She saw me and walked straight past me as though she didn’t know me. It hurt so much. 

This was someone I considered a sister, yet she cut me off for reasons I didn’t understand. Whatever she believed had happened, she clearly didn’t want anything to do with me. So I took it as a sign that I needed to leave her alone.

After that, we didn’t really interact in school anymore.

Sounds cold. Did she ever apologise?

We eventually spoke in 2024 at a mutual friend’s traditional marriage.

She apologised,  and I told her what had happened from my side. I explained that I had tried to reach her, but her family had blocked me from contacting her.

She told me she didn’t know that. From her perspective, she had simply stopped speaking to me. Once we finally talked, we were able to put the issue behind us.

We’re cordial now, but the friendship isn’t what it used to be.

Do you think you could ever become close again?

No. It’s been almost three years, and I’ve healed from what happened. I’m not sitting around waiting for her to explain herself anymore.

If she had spoken to me when everything happened, maybe things would have been different. I would have preferred to have a difficult conversation than wake up one day and realise that my best friend had disappeared from my life.

I don’t think I can put myself through that again.

How has the experience affected the way you approach friendships now?

It has made me scared of friendships. I’ve met amazing people since then, but I still find it hard to completely trust anyone. I’m afraid the same pattern will repeat itself. 

Friendship breakups can hurt just as much as romantic ones, and this was one of the hardest experiences I’ve had.

I’m still learning that just because one person disappeared from my life without an explanation doesn’t mean everyone else will do the same.

Tomilola* (29) met Soji* (27) online during the 2020 lockdown. What began with conversations about music and books soon became a close friendship, and she eventually introduced him to her wider friend group. But when several friends accused Soji of lying to them, Tomilola began to realise she might not have known him at all.

For Sunken Ships, she shares how she discovered Soji’s alleged history of deception and how this has affected her views on online friendship.

How did your friendship with Soji begin?

We became close after weeks of interacting online during the 2020 coronavirus lockdown. He’d leave comments on my music posts, and from there we started texting about our personal philosophies, favourite books, and our lives in general.

We became much closer during my job hunt in May when I asked him to be my accountability partner. He agreed, and we spent the next few months encouraging each other, reviewing cover letters and sending each other job links until we both got jobs. He was a shoulder I leaned on during that time because I was dealing with financial issues and really needed a job.

That’s sweet. How did your friendship progress over time?

It was great, even though we’d never met in person. He lived in Lagos while I lived in Ibadan, but I still tried to introduce him to as many of my friends as possible, both in Lagos and online. He was cool, funny, and gave great advice, so I knew my friends would like him just as much as I did. 

Soon, he became a core part of our group. He hadn’t met several of us in person, but online, we were one big friend group.  Some of my friends in Lagos even invited him to a game night.  They ended up meeting him in person before I did the following year. We generally had a good run until June 2022, when Soji started having issues with several people in our friendship group. 

Oh. What happened?

I’d heard that some people were upset at him, but I didn’t realise how serious things were until one of them, Amos*, approached me.

Amos said he and Soji had become closer after discovering they lived in the same area in Lagos. Earlier that year, Soji had asked Amos to lend him ₦600k and promised to pay him back at the end of the month. When the deadline came, he couldn’t pay and kept asking for extensions. 

Amos eventually got fed up and asked me to step in since I was closest to Soji. I was surprised because, as far as I knew, Soji earned well as a copywriter. 

Then I found out that Amos wasn’t the only person who had issues with him. A few others also reached out to complain about the lies Soji had told them.

What did he tell them?

One friend said Soji had pretended to be wealthy to impress a mutual acquaintance. He told her stories about living on the Island and having a dad who worked for an oil company. When she asked to visit him, he ghosted her. 

To another, Soji claimed he was starting a clothing business and invited her to join him as a business partner. He had her create a couple of pitch decks and promised fast profits. He later claimed he’d used the decks to get investors, but started dodging her whenever she asked for updates.

I felt embarrassed and guilty because I  brought him into my life and introduced him to my friends. I decided to talk to him about what had happened and see if we could resolve the issues amicably. I thought maybe he was just going through a rough patch. 

How did your conversation with Soji go?

He claimed he was in a rough place mentally and had borrowed the money from Amos to handle a medical emergency involving his younger brother. He also explained the other lies as  misunderstandings and promised to clear them up. 

I trusted him to do the right thing  and hoped the tensions would ease, but things got worse.

What do you mean?

Amos got Soji arrested for defaulting on his payment, and that incident revealed more about Soji than we ever knew. 

First, Soji didn’t have a younger brother; he was the last child. He’d made up the story to get money  from Amos.  Amos found out after contacting Soji’s family in a bid to recover his money. They told him they had disowned Soji for constantly stealing and trying to defraud people. They were tired of bailing him out of his lies and washed their hands of him.

Omo, that’s wild.

Thankfully, Amos was able to recover part of the money, and they agreed on an instalment plan to settle the rest.

After they left the police station, Amos called and told me everything. I was hurt that Soji had deceived me for so long, especially after I’d defended him to my friends.

I removed him from our group chat and blocked him everywhere. Amos also came to the group and shared what he’d found out. We all agreed to cut Soji out of our lives.

Did you talk to him when you made this decision?

I didn’t. I spent weeks mulling over our friendship and wondering if he had become friends with me for ulterior motives from the beginning.

Did your friends blame you for bringing Soji into the group?

No, they tease me about it from time to time, but that’s about it.

I still felt guilty about it, though. I wished none of them had been hurt or inconvenienced because of someone I introduced them to. It took me a while to accept that I couldn’t have known what he was capable of.

Has he tried to reach out to you since then?

I don’t know. I haven’t checked any of his pages since. I’ve tried to bury the memory of our friendship entirely.

Has this affected your views on friendships?

Yes, I no longer trust people I meet online. The only new friends I’ve made since then are friends of friends or people my friend group has already vetted. 

I thought I was a good judge of character until I met Soji. I haven’t been able to trust my judgement since. It’s wild that a person can reinvent themselves online, and there’s no real way to know unless they show their hand or you find out.

Do you think there’s any chance of reconciliation between you and Soji?

Never. A person who can lie so blatantly can do worse, and I won’t stick around to find out. I’m okay with the friends I already have.

Mikun* (28) first met Demi*(28) in primary school, where Demi regularly made cruel jokes about her weight and complexion. Years later, they reconnected at university.  Demi apologised for the past, and Mikun believed they could finally have the friendship she’d wanted as a child.  But it didn’t take long for the old jokes to return.

For Sunken Ships, Mikun shares how giving her childhood bully a second chance left her questioning herself all over again.

How did you and Demi meet?

We attended the same primary school, and Demi was one of the popular students in our set. Everyone wanted to be her friend, including me. I tried to get close to her, but she often made jokes about my looks, and her friends would join in. Eventually, I stopped trying. 

We left for different secondary schools shortly afterwards and lost touch.

And how did you guys reconnect?

I ran into her in one of the cafeterias at my university during my second year. I didn’t even recognise her at first, but she called my name and introduced herself. I was surprised but happy to see someone I’d known for so long. 

I also thought we were adults now, so there was no need to hold on to something that happened when we were kids. We exchanged contact information and started talking again.

Did it feel like you were finally getting the friendship you’d wanted as a child?

Surprisingly, yes. We were studying different courses, but whenever Demi had free time, she’d come to my faculty to hang out with me. She was also a constant visitor to my room in the evenings. We’d talk about our days, study together and catch up on everything we’d missed in each other’s lives. 

At some point, we even talked about how she used to make fun of my appearance in primary school. She said she didn’t remember making fun of me, but still apologised. For a while, I felt safe with her. I thought we were becoming really close. Then she started showing me that maybe she hadn’t changed as much as I thought.

Oh. What happened?

One of my roommates, Jemima*, was very popular, and because we lived together, we naturally became close. When Demi started visiting me, I introduced them, and it soon became obvious that Demi wanted to get into Jemima’s good books. 

I didn’t mind that she wanted to build new friendships with people in my circle. What bothered me was how she tried to impress Jemima. She started making the same kinds of jokes about me that she had made in primary school.

What exactly were these jokes?

In primary school, most of her jabs had been about me being a fat, dark-skinned child. She started making similar comments again. 

Once, she complimented Jemima’s outfit and said she knew how to put a look together, unlike me. Another time, Jemima was stepping out, and Demi offered her an umbrella, telling her to use it so she wouldn’t become as dark as me. 

I kept trying to dismiss the comments as harmless jokes, but each one took me back to primary school. I started feeling self-conscious about my body and complexion around her again. 

Did you speak to her about how you felt?

I did. I called her aside and told her I didn’t like being the punchline of her jokes, especially when they were about my appearance. I reminded her that her comments made me feel the same way I had felt when she and the other children laughed at me in primary school.

I thought she’d apologise, and we’d move on. Instead, she said I was too sensitive. She said I couldn’t claim to have forgiven her and then keep bringing up the past. 

I tried to explain that I wasn’t punishing her for what she’d done as a child; I was upset that she was doing it again. But she wouldn’t accept that. She kept insisting I was overreacting. Eventually, I started wondering if she was right, and I stopped bringing it up.

What made you realise you weren’t overreacting?

One day, after Demi left my room for her hostel, Jemima asked if I was genuinely okay with the way she talked about my appearance. She said she wouldn’t tolerate those comments if she were in my position. That conversation opened my eyes. Demi’s jokes weren’t harmless, and I wasn’t being too sensitive for calling them out.

She had made me question myself instead of taking responsibility for hurting me. I was angry about that, so I decided to distance myself from her.

Did she notice?

If she did, she barely brought it up.  I didn’t announce that I was ending the friendship; I just started avoiding her. If she asked to visit me, I’d tell her I was busy. I stopped taking her calls and responding to her messages. I even started attending evening mass more so I could avoid her after classes.

The change was probably sudden from her perspective, but I didn’t want another conversation where she’d convince me that I was imagining things. So I never gave her the chance to ask why I was pulling away.

Did that experience change how you relate to other friends?

For a long time, I became very sensitive to any jokes about my appearance. My friends started seeing me as overly serious because I shut down those comments immediately. I think I was afraid that laughing along would give someone the chance to bully me again. 

Do you think there’s any chance of reconciliation with Demi?

No. I’m not giving her a third chance to be my bully.

Dorcas* (52) met Sandra* (45) at church in 2011. Over the next three years, they became close, with Dorcas treating Sandra like a younger sister. But when Dorcas shared a business idea with her, Sandra discouraged her from pursuing it, then secretly executed the same idea.

For Sunken Ships, Dorcas shares how the betrayal ended their friendship and why Sandra’s apology years later wasn’t enough to rebuild their friendship.

Take me back to the beginning. How did you become friends with Sandra?

We met at church in 2011. She was a newcomer, and she sat beside me. At the end of the service, we greeted each other and got talking. I immediately liked her because she had a bubbly personality. We kept sitting together at church, and within a few months, we grew close.

She’d also just moved to Ibadan for a new job and was still settling in. I was happy to become one of her new friends.

What were the early days of your friendship like?

They were great. Sandra would come to my house after work so we could go to church together. She always had interesting stories, too. 

Whether it was about a co-worker or something she’d overheard about a fellow church member, she always had gist to share. I was a stay-at-home mum at the time, so Sandra and her gist made things less boring.

We also didn’t have an issue with our age difference. I saw her as a younger sister, and eventually, she became my closest friend in the city. There was nothing we didn’t share.

That sounds great. So at what point did things change?

Around 2014.  I decided to start a small tailoring business to keep busy. I shared my plans with Sandra because I trusted her.

I didn’t know how to sew, so my plan was to hire apprentices who had just finished learning and pay them salaries while I brought in the customers. I wanted to start by pitching to my church and offering to help sew robes for the choir members. 

Sandra discouraged me. She said it would be difficult to get customers consistently and might look strange to bring business into the church. She told me to consider other ideas, and I agreed.

A few weeks later, Sandra called to say she wouldn’t make the mid-week service. It was unlike her, but I didn’t think much of it. Then Sunday came, and I got the shock of my life.

What happened?

Sandra didn’t sit beside me as usual, so I almost thought she hadn’t come to church. Then the service started, and I noticed the entire choir was wearing matching robes.

I planned to tell Sandra how strange it was that someone else had come up with the same idea I had. But when I found her after the service, she was curt instead of her usual warm self. I asked if something was wrong, but she said she was fine and needed to rush home.

Oh.

I decided to put it out of my mind and call her later. 

Seeing the choir’s robes had also reignited my interest in starting a business. After Sandra left, I went to the pastor on a whim and asked if I could start selling Zobo at the church after services. He was delighted and said he was happy that, like Sandra, I was also thinking about starting a business the church could patronise.

I had to conceal my shock. Sandra hadn’t mentioned anything about a business, but our pastor’s comment made me suspicious.

How did you confirm your suspicions?

I asked the head of the choir department. By then, people at church knew Sandra and I were friends, so he assumed I already knew she had supplied the robes. He was surprised that I was asking.

I felt hurt and betrayed. I wasn’t the first one to come up with the idea, but I would have preferred Sandra to tell me she wanted to partner with me rather than take the idea for herself. 

Read Also: Sunken Ships: My Best Friend Moved Abroad. I Was The Last To Know

Did you speak to her about it?

Several times. I called her and sent messages on WhatsApp and Facebook, but she ignored them all. She also started avoiding me in church. 

People started gossiping when they noticed we no longer sat together during services. That was embarrassing, but losing someone I considered a younger sister without even getting an explanation hurt more.

I eventually told my husband about what happened. He agreed that cutting me off without a conversation was unfair. 

She stopped coming to our church shortly after that,  and since she had ignored all my messages, I didn’t reach out again.

Did she ever reach out to you after that?

Yes, in 2017. She sent me a birthday message and then begged for forgiveness for what happened between us. She said she’d gone somewhere to pray, and they told her that someone she’d offended was blocking her from meeting her husband.

I told her I wasn’t blocking anything and I had left her to God and her conscience. By then, I had started the zobo business and even moved on to a provisions shop, so I wasn’t thinking about the tailoring business anymore. 

She still wanted to apologise in person and offered to visit, but I declined. I told her I was no longer angry with her.

Since then, she’s sent check-in messages now and then. She invited me to her wedding in 2018, but I didn’t go. I didn’t trust her enough to let her back into my life.

Has this experience affected your other friendships?

No.  I have healthy friendships that have lasted longer than the one I had with Sandra. They just don’t live in my city, so we don’t see each other often. I’m more careful with friendships with younger people now. I try not to overstep my boundaries and leave room for disrespect.

Do you think you could fix your relationship with Sandra?

No, I don’t like dubious people. That ship has sailed.

Jonathan* (37) considered Dimeji* (36) more of a brother than a best friend. But after almost 14 years of friendship, he discovered through a casual conversation with an acquaintance that Dimeji had moved abroad months earlier and even held a goodbye party without telling him.

For Sunken Ships, Jonathan shares how the discovery ended their friendship and changed the way he trusts people.

Let’s start from your relationship with Dimeji. How did it begin?

We used to play basketball together at a neighbourhood court near my house. Sometime in 2005, I overheard him complain that his ball was deflating, but he didn’t have a pump. I had one at my place, so I offered to help. We walked home together, and from that day, we became thick as thieves.

He lived nearby, so we visited each other often and quickly realised how much we had in common. We both loved sports and rap music, and we’d swap CDs all the time. I spent so much time at Dimeji’s house that I became an unofficial member of his family. I come from a Christian background, while he’s Muslim, so I’d spend the Islamic celebrations at his place, and he’d come to mine for the Christian ones. I saw him as a brother.

This continued even after we went to different universities, graduated and started working. If I needed a few days away, I’d spend them at his place, and he was always welcome at mine.

Sounds like you had a pretty solid friendship going. 

We did. We were open with each other about money, family issues, women… everything. 

We disagreed a few times when we were younger, but it was never serious. As we got older, we disagreed even less because we knew each other well enough to avoid offending each other.

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Right. So at what point did things change?

In 2017, when we were both in our late 20s, Dimeji and I started debating whether to pursue postgraduate degrees or leave the country. I’ve always been pro-Japa, but Dimeji wanted to build in Nigeria.

I decided to pursue a master’s degree abroad and kept him updated throughout my application process. I even tried to convince him to move abroad as well, but he insisted he wasn’t interested. My application eventually fell through because I couldn’t raise the funds, and Dimeji supported me through that period.

Fast forward to August 2018, Dimeji told me he was visiting his older sister, who lived in the UK.   

When he eventually returned in December, we started hanging out again, and everything seemed fine. I had no idea anything had changed until the following year, when I tried to visit him at his place.

What happened?

In March, I wanted to spend a few days in Lagos for an interview and to see my girlfriend. I was based in Ibadan, so I planned to stay at Dimeji’s place, like I usually did. But this time, he told me he wasn’t available. 

I didn’t think much of it, so I  booked a hotel and asked if he was free to meet for drinks. He declined that too.

That weekend, while I was out with my girlfriend, I ran into one of Dimeji’s friends. We’d met at his place once, so we weren’t particularly close, but he knew we were like 5 and 6.

We exchanged pleasantries, and he teased me about finding time to hang out with women now that my friend had japa-ed. I laughed it off, but I was confused. As far as I knew, Dimeji had been back in Lagos since December.

I told him that, but he looked even more confused. Then he told me Dimeji had thrown a small going-away party in August before leaving the country. One of our mutual friends had even taken over his lease after he moved abroad.

Oh shoot. How did that discovery make you feel?

Blindsided. I didn’t want to believe what I heard, so the next day, I called Dimeji, but I couldn’t get through. I sent him a message about what his friend had told me, hoping it was some elaborate joke. 

Instead, Dimeji sent me a voice note confirming everything. He said his family had pressured him to move abroad for his master’s, so he took the leap and moved to the UK in August.

Did he share why he hid the truth from you? 

 He said his mum had gone to pray somewhere, and they told her that if anyone outside their family knew about his plans to move abroad, they wouldn’t succeed. He swore he planned to tell me eventually, but was waiting for the right time.

I didn’t believe him. If it was such a secret, why did he have a going-away party? Why did I have to find out about his move from someone else?

What made it worse was that we’d spent time together in December and he hadn’t mentioned it once. He even complained about the cold and said it would be a while before the UK saw him again. I was so hurt.

I’m sorry. What was the friendship like h after that?

We slowly grew apart. I told him that since he thought I would cast an evil eye on his plans to move abroad, we should keep our distance. I soft-blocked him on all our social media and focused on my life. 

Moving on wasn’t easy, though. Mutual friends would run into me, ask how he was doing and then ask when I was going to join him. Every time it happened, I had to explain that I didn’t know he’d even left.

Did he ever try to make amends?

Not once. We’d unfollowed each other on social media, but he still had my number and never reached out.  

That hurt during the first year after we stopped talking. It felt like I was the only one who cherished what we had. Eventually, I got used to it. 

Over time, I started to feel like he’d been looking for an opportunity to cut me out of his life even before he relocated. I can’t imagine what I could have done to make him want that, but I’ve accepted his decision. I haven’t reached out to him either. By March 2026, it had been seven years since I last spoke to him.

Omo, that’s rough. Has this betrayal influenced how you view friendship?

Definitely. My friendship with Dimeji was the closest one I had, and losing it changed how I approach other friendships. I haven’t tried to replace what we had. 

I’m closer to my younger brother now because he’s the one I trust the most. Outside my family, all my friendships are disposable. Don’t get me wrong, I have good friends, but I keep a wall around myself.

Would you forgive Dimeji if he reached out to reconcile?

I’ve already forgiven him. I don’t carry what he did in my heart, but I think our time as friends is over. There’s been too much water under the bridge. I think we’re okay the way we are now.

Idowu* (28) and Tito* (28) met as children and became inseparable. For nearly two decades, they shared almost everything. Then Idowu discovered a secret that shattered the friendship she thought would last forever.

For Sunken Ships, Idowu shares how finding out that Tito was secretly involved with her ex-boyfriend broke her heart and changed the way she sees friendship and trust.

Can you describe your relationship with Tito?

We’ve been best friends since we were 10. We met at her cousin’s birthday party in 2008. The following year, I saw her again on my first day of secondary school. We spotted each other on the assembly grounds, clicked immediately and became inseparable after that day.

As we grew older, our friendship only got stronger. She was the first person I called whenever anything happened, and vice versa. By the time we got to university, everyone knew us as a pair. If you saw me somewhere, Tito was probably close by. 

We were so close that even our mothers became good friends.

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Sweet. And what was going on in your life outside your friendship with Tito? 

In 2019, I started dating Tunde*. It was my first serious adult relationship.

At first, things were great. Tito actually encouraged me to give him a chance because I was deeply religious and reluctant to date.

We stayed together until 2021, when we discovered that our blood types were incompatible and had to end the relationship. I knew we had no choice, but that didn’t make the breakup any easier. I cried for weeks. 

Tito was my biggest support system during that period. She’d stay on the phone with me for hours while I cried and talked about Tunde. She encouraged me and reminded me that I could still find love.

That’s why what happened next hurt so much.

What happened?

About six months after the breakup, I started noticing some strange things. Whenever I mentioned Tunde, Tito would get awkward and quickly change the subject. I thought she was just tired of hearing about my ex, so I didn’t think much of it.

Then, during a hangout with a mutual friend, she casually mentioned that she had seen Tunde and Tito together around town. I was confused because Tito never mentioned seeing him. 

Ah. Did you talk to Tito about this?

As soon as I left the hangout, I called Tito and asked if she and Tunde had been spending time together. She laughed it off and said people were being messy. She claimed they’d bumped into each other once or twice and only exchanged pleasantries. 

I believed her. Why wouldn’t I? Tito was the last person I expected to lie to me, especially about something like this. So I let it go. 

Then, a few weeks later, I saw them myself.

Oh.

My cousin was visiting from the UK, so we went to a restaurant to catch up. We were halfway through our meal when Tito and Tunde walked in together.

Tunde had his hand around her waist and she was laughing with him. The sight ruined my appetite. I couldn’t stop staring until Tito looked up and saw me. She looked like she’d seen a ghost.

Did you confront them?

I walked straight to their table and demanded an explanation. At first, she insisted they were just friends, but I wasn’t buying it. Eventually, she admitted they’d been seeing each other for three months. 

Barely three months after Tunde and I  ended our relationship.

Wow. Sounds awful.

That’s not even the worst part. It was finding out the layers of lies. According to Tito, everything started after Tunde and I officially broke up. She’d called him a few months after we broke up to mediate a reunion. She tried to convince him that we could still have a relationship, give up the idea of biological children and adopt instead.

But one thing led to another, and they realised they were attracted to each other. Then they started exploring that attraction without my knowledge because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

I told Tito that the relationship itself wasn’t even my biggest issue; what truly hurt was the dishonesty. You can’t call someone your best friend and spend months lying to their face.

What about Tunde? Did he try to explain himself?

He sat there looking like he’d forgotten how to speak. He didn’t say anything throughout the conversation, and honestly, I didn’t care. 

We were over; he didn’t owe me anything. But Tito was different. I saw her as my sister, so I expected more from her.

I’m sorry. Did you ever move past the betrayal?

I stopped talking to Tito. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. 

Losing her felt like going through another rough breakup. For weeks, she called and apologised. She sent long messages saying she missed me and didn’t want to lose our friendship.

But every time I read her messages, I remembered all the conversations we’d had while she was hiding the truth. I couldn’t get past it.

Do you think you’ll ever reconcile?

No. I’ve forgiven her because carrying that anger around was exhausting, but I’ll never trust her again. After we stopped talking, I started wondering if she’d been eyeing Tunde before we even split up. I’ll never know for sure.

She threw away our sisterhood for a relationship she wasn’t even sure would last. The last I heard, they aren’t together anymore.

Has this changed how you navigate your other friendships?

Yes. I don’t believe in best friends anymore. I think the only people who can truly have your back are your family. I still have close friends, but I know deep down that if push came to shove, they’d choose what’s best for them. I’ll probably do the same.

Has this affected your romantic relationships, too?

Not really. I’m currently in a loving relationship that’s almost two years old, and I feel cherished.

Has Tito tried to reach out to you since then?

She sends me a birthday message every year on WhatsApp, but I never reply. I have nothing to say to her anymore.

Names have been changed to protect the identities of the people involved.

Read Next: Sunken Ships: He Dumped Me Because I Forgave Him 

Ada* (28) believed she’d found a relationship worth fighting for when she met Obaloluwa* (29) in 2022. For nearly two years, things seemed to be heading in the right direction. But a betrayal, followed by an unexpected breakup, left her questioning everything she knew about love and self-worth.

For Sunken Ships, she talks about navigating her ex’s infidelity, the aftermath and how she’s rebuilding her self-trust.

How did you meet Obaloluwa?

We met at a cafe in October 2022. I had gone there to work because the light in my area was bad. The place was full, so when he came in, we had to share a table, and we started talking.

I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship, but we clicked almost immediately. He was funny and charming, so when he asked for my number, I was happy to give him. After that, we started chatting regularly. A few months later, we officially started dating.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Honestly, they were great. He became a big part of my life very quickly and made me feel seen. We talked every day and even started making plans for the future we wanted.

So when did things start to change?

Around the year-and-a-half mark. It wasn’t a dramatic shift at first. I noticed he became less present when we were together. When we were apart, he took longer to reply to messages, and he stopped sharing details of his day. Whenever I brought it up, he had an explanation or an excuse. I didn’t think about it too deeply because I thought we were just past the honeymoon phase. Then, during one of my visits to his place, I went through his phone while he was sleeping and found out he’d been seeing another woman.

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Whoa. How did that make you feel?

I felt so hurt and betrayed. I had opened up my heart to him, and he didn’t cherish me enough to be faithful. I remember sitting and staring into space for hours. I couldn’t even cry immediately because I was so shocked.

Did you confront him?

Yes, I did as soon as he woke up, and he admitted it. He spent the whole day apologising to me. He said he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. He also swore it was a mistake and promised never to do it again if I gave him another chance. 

So what did you decide?

I forgave him. Not because what he did wasn’t terrible, but I genuinely believed he was willing to change.  I think people can learn from their mistakes, so I was willing to give him another chance.

I really wanted us to put it all behind us and survive it. We spent weeks talking about rebuilding trust, and I saw him put in the effort he’d promised into reassuring me. 

Did things improve after that?

At first, yes. He became very attentive and doting. He went back to sharing his days and interests with me like he did when we first met.

After a month had passed, I felt like he was pulling away again, and I was afraid he’d gone back on his word.

Did you tell him about how you were feeling?

Yes. I told him he was being distant and told him to open up to me. His response blindsided me.

He said he didn’t think he could continue our relationship because I took him back so soon and acted as if nothing had happened, which made him worried about my self-esteem.

Ah!

I was so confused and angry. I was trying my best to move forward, and that was why he wanted to leave? I couldn’t believe it. 

I still fought for us. I tried to make him understand that I wanted to prioritise strengthening our relationship rather than wallowing in the past, but his mind was already made up. According to him, my forgiveness came too easily for him to believe I’d ever take a stand on any bigger issues we faced as a couple.

Why do you think he made that decision?

I think leaving was easier than doing the work required to heal our relationship. I also think he didn’t believe that I had truly forgiven him.

What has healing looked like for you after the relationship?

It’s been a long road since then. I had to come to terms with the fact that I may have had low self-esteem to take back a cheater, only for him to leave me. I’ve been saying positive affirmations to my reflection in mirrors to help increase my trust and confidence in myself. I also decided to pick up a gym habit. Following through with the things I promise myself, like working out three times a week, has helped increase my faith in myself and self-discipline.

Do you think you are open to dating again?

I am. The experience definitely did a number on me, but it didn’t destroy my belief in love. I’m much stricter now, though. I’ll never let a man play with my heart like that again.

Read Next: Sunken Ships: My Fiancée Left Me Twice. Now She Wants a Third Chance.

For Sunken Ships, Tumi opens up about how they met, the intense gut feeling that predicted their end and how she dealt with the painful aftermath.

When did you first realise something was wrong in your relationship with Jacob?

The phone calls. I called him over and over, yet he kept hanging up. That was unusual. We always stayed on the phone until one of us fell asleep, so it was unlike him to avoid my calls. It was the first time it happened, yet that moment was all I needed to accept that something had changed.

Let’s go back to the beginning. How did you guys meet?

I met Jacob at a party through mutual friends in 2022. We weren’t close, but we got along whenever we saw each other. I’d always found him attractive. He was funny, handsome and confident.

The only problem was that he was always with someone, so I kept my crush to myself. Then,  in 2024, he messaged me out of the blue.

He wanted a mutual friend’s number, but after I shared it, we just kept talking. Before long, we were texting every day and becoming really close.

So, at what point did the relationship stop being platonic?

He started applying pressure. He’d text me first thing in the morning and call after work almost every day. I enjoyed the attention, but I didn’t want to read too much into it. 

Then, in August 2024, he admitted he had feelings for me.

Oh.

I told him I’d liked him for a long time too, but I never said anything because he’d always been in a relationship. He quickly assured me he was single and asked me to lunch that weekend. Of course, I happily agreed.

How did the date go?

It was everything I’d imagined it would be. We’d already built up such a strong rapport over calls and text that meeting in person felt effortless. Our lunch turned into dinner, and I almost didn’t want to leave at the end of the day.

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Cute. Was that when you became official?

No, but we kept talking every day, going on dates and spending every weekend together. By the end of September, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

What was your relationship like in the beginning?

It was great. He was attentive, and as usual, we spoke every single day. I only asked that we keep the relationship off social media, but everyone important in our lives knew we were dating. 

 About four months, things started to take a turn. One day, while hanging out with friends, someone asked after his ex. The way he froze made me uneasy. I shrugged it off at first, but soon after, he started acting differently.

What do you mean?

It felt like he’d deliberately put some distance between us. Whenever I asked what was wrong, he’d blame work stress, but I didn’t believe him.

My gut kept telling me something was off, and it was more than just work issues. So I decided to investigate. I searched for his ex on Instagram and noticed she’d posted photos from places Jacob had been recently. I told myself it was a coincidence, but the feeling only got stronger.

Did you talk to him?

No. I didn’t want to admit I’d been stalking his ex online. Instead, I tried to get us back to where we’d been by asking to spend more time together. But he became harder and harder to reach. 

One evening in January, I called him several times after work, but he kept hanging up. He ignored my messages, too.

When he finally responded, he said he’d been busy and went to bed early. I accepted his excuse, but I knew something was off. 

He became even more withdrawn, and by the end of January, he ended the relationship.

I’m sorry. Did he say why?

He blamed work and said he wasn’t giving me the attention I deserved, so he wanted to step back. 

I was hurt because I felt like I’d seen the breakup coming. Nothing, however, prepared me for Valentine’s Day.

What happened?

He posted a photo with his ex at a Valentine’s Day dinner. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I stared at it, hoping it was a throwback picture, but after asking around, I found out they’d gotten back together right after we broke up.

What hurt the most wasn’t even the photo. It was the caption. He wrote about how he’d spent all their time apart waiting for her and how nothing else mattered. Was I the ‘nothing else’? 

I thought we had something real, but he was just using me to warm his girlfriend’s seat.

Did you confront him?

I did, and the annoying thing is how honest he was. Part of me almost wished he’d lied. He said he thought the relationship was over when we started dating and that he wanted to move on. But once his ex showed interest in trying again, he realised he still wanted her.

Those words hit my self-esteem like a gut punch. I felt disposable. I blocked both of them everywhere and tried to move on. I feel better now, but those first few days after the split were the roughest.

Could you ever be friends with Jacob again?

I’ve forgiven him, but I don’t want him in my life anymore. A part of me is still angry because he could have left me alone instead of using me as a placeholder until his ex came back. I don’t wish him bad, but I want nothing to do with him again.

Has this experience changed how you approach dating?

Definitely. I’ve become more wary of people, but I’m still trying to keep an open mind. 

I have a strict policy now, though. I don’t date anyone who has been out of a relationship for less than six months. I never want to be anyone’s rebound again.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: I Lost My Best Friend After Dating A Woman He Said I Could Have

Kachi* (28) had always been drawn to Favour* (26) since they were kids. Over the years, she became a constant presence in her life; checking in, walking her home, studying with her, buying her birthday gifts and making space for her, even when Favour rarely did the same.

But every unanswered message and one-sided effort forced her to confront a painful possibility: what if the friendship she cherished existed only in her head?  

For Sunken Ships, she shares how years of chasing validation from someone she admired slowly eroded her self-esteem and why walking away was the only way to find it again.

Tell me how you met.

We attended the same church as kids, but I didn’t become drawn to her until 2014, when her mum passed away. She’d battled an illness for a long time before she died.

I saw firsthand the toll it took on her family, and I wanted to be there for her. In between offering comfort and companionship, our bond started to grow.

What were the early days of your friendship like?

Even though grief had brought us close, things still moved at a slow pace; she spent most of the year at boarding school. I’d only see her during the holidays, but we always got along well. For some reason, I thought the feeling of friendship was mutual.

Anyway, we continued the holiday-period arrangement for some time until she graduated in 2016. By that time, she spent more time at home while she awaited admission into university. She joined the same church workers’ society as me, and after our meetings, I’d walk her home. If she missed a meeting, I’d drop by to check on her.

That’s sweet. So at what point did you first notice cracks?

The funny thing is, I never quite did. I thought we had a great friendship. She gave me every reason to believe that she valued our friendship.

I remember we also promised to exchange birthday gifts in 2016. I was working at the time, so I gave her money to make her hair and bought her a beautiful dress. Seeing how happy she was made me happy too. She promised she’d get me something special for my birthday. 

But she never kept that promise.

Oh.

I got nothing from her. Even worse,  she didn’t post me on her social media, which stung. I honestly can’t even remember getting a birthday message from her.

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Curious. Did she know it was your birthday?

Yes. She kept telling me to be patient because she hadn’t found the right gift yet. She made that promise over and over again, but nothing ever came.

Right. Why didn’t you walk away?

That should have been my first lesson in reciprocity, but I really liked her. She was a representation of the person I hoped to be, so I wasn’t ready to let go of the friendship. I suppressed my feelings and carried on as if nothing had happened.

So did things improve after that?

Not really. We started studying for JAMB together. After work, I’d go to her house so we could study and talk about everything we wanted to do when we got into university. 

Eventually, we got into different schools, and we were back to a long-distance arrangement.

This time around, I couldn’t ignore the cracks. I was always the one checking in. She started a business in school, and she’d only reply promptly when I wanted to patronise her. Otherwise, she’d leave my messages unanswered for days.

Did you ever bring it up?

I did, but she said balancing the business and school was tedious. But the funny thing was that the only time she’d reach out first was when she was coming back to Lagos for the holidays.

Even then, it started to feel like the friendship was one-sided. She constantly posted photos with her other friends, but never me. The only time she did was in 2018, and that was because we’d done a photoshoot together. Even though the friendship battered my self-esteem, I stayed in it.

Then a few years later, my father passed away. 

I’m sorry. Did she show up for you? 

It was one of the hardest periods of my life because I was away at school and couldn’t come home immediately. She sent me her condolences and promised to visit my mum, but she never did. Even after I returned home, she still didn’t visit.

 Despite that, I still refused to accept that the friendship was one-sided. I loved looking at her WhatsApp status, but eventually, she stopped responding altogether.

So when did you decide you’d had enough?

There wasn’t a big incident or fight. I just started working on my self-esteem, and I realised I didn’t have to accept scraps of friendship. 

My fiancé, whom I thank God for, really helped me see myself differently. He constantly reminded me that I was worthy of friendships where the effort was mutual. That was the motivation I needed to cut her off.

And did you have any regrets afterwards?

Honestly, I expected to be heartbroken. Instead, I felt relieved. I felt free.

Till this point, I don’t even know if she’s aware that I’ve cut her off, but I don’t care. 

Fair enough. If she reached out today, would you give the friendship another chance??

No. I think I gave her more than enough time to pour into our friendship. That time has now passed. I don’t wish her evil, but I no longer want her in my life.

Ibrahim*(32) was more than a friend to Deji*(31), he was a brother. They met as university students, bonded over their love for football, and spent years navigating adulthood together.

For Sunken Ships, Deji shares how that brotherhood slowly fell apart after he fell for a woman Ibrahim once wanted. 

Let’s start at the beginning. 

I met Ibrahim at a football viewing centre at our university. We kept running into each other during the 2017 Premier League season. One day, we got talking and found out we were both die-hard Manchester United supporters. That was how our friendship started. 

What were the early days of your friendship like?

Fantastic. Ibrahim quickly became my closest friend. We talked every day and shared everything: family issues, money problems, relationships, and career plans. He’s a year older than me and always seemed to have life figured out. I looked up to him like an older brother. Whenever something important happened in my life, he was the first person I called. 

 I can never forget an event that happened during my final year in 2018.  I lost a chunk of my school fees to gambling, and got desperate as the payment deadline got closer.  Eventually, I opened up to Ibrahim. He scolded me but also helped me raise the money, and made me promise to quit gambling. That moment deepened our bond even more.

Sounds nice.

Yes, I’ll always be grateful to him for that. It made me feel like I could count on him no matter what. 

Even after school, we stayed close. In 2021, when I wanted to leave my family home, Ibrahim suggested we rent a two-bedroom flat together in a building his grandmother owned. The rent was cheaper, so it made sense.

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Right. And what was living together like?

At first, it was great. We split chores, paid bills on time and spent most evenings watching football together. Ibrahim also loved hosting game nights, so there was always something happening. It felt like living with a brother. 

The only area where we really differed was dating.

What do you mean?

Ibrahim believed money was the quickest way to a woman’s heart. He’s a data analyst and earns well, so he never hesitated to spend on the women he liked. I’m the opposite. I don’t earn as much as he does, so I rely more on conversation and personality. 

Right. Did this difference ever become a problem?

We joked about our different approaches, but it was never a serious issue.

Oh. 

Then in 2024, Ibrahim told me about a woman he’d met online.  He really liked her, but from what he told me, she wasn’t very receptive.

At the time, I didn’t think it was anything serious. He talked about her often and seemed disappointed that things weren’t progressing. Eventually, he stopped mentioning her, so I assumed he’d moved on. 

Then, in early 2025, I met the same woman through a mutual friend, and we started talking. Once I realised who she was, I knew I needed to talk to Ibrahim before pursuing anything.

How did that conversation go?

I told him I liked her and asked if he’d be uncomfortable with me pursuing a relationship with her since things between them hadn’t worked out. He said there was no problem, and I completely believed him.

If he’d told me he wasn’t comfortable, I would’ve backed off, but he seemed calm about it and gave his blessings.

So what changed after you started dating the woman in question??

Everything.  He became distant. We stopped doing things together, not the game nights or the football matches. Whenever I tried to make conversation, he’d shut it down with one-word responses.

Must have been tough.

The worst part was how he treated my girlfriend whenever she visited. He never greeted her, never spoke to her and acted like she wasn’t there.

She asked me a few times if she’d offended Ibrahim, but I kept telling her not to worry.

Did you try talking to him about it?

I did, but he insisted everything was fine and claimed he was busy with work. Still, his behaviour stayed the same. Then, in September 2025, he finally came clean.

He told me our living arrangement wasn’t working anymore and said I needed to move out. At first, I thought he was joking, but once I realised he wasn’t, the shock and hurt hit me.

I was confused by the whole situation because I’d specifically asked for his blessing before pursuing the babe.

Right. Did you remind him?

Of course. That’s when he admitted that he only agreed because he didn’t want to seem selfish. That was the first honest thing he’d said about the situation.

But I continued looking for a new place anyway because he didn’t rescind his decision. He still wanted me out. The whole period between finding a new place and still sharing the apartment with him was miserable. We went days without speaking. It felt like I was living with a stranger. 

Eventually, I found a place in April 2026. It felt sad to leave because I’d spent years building that relationship. But it is what it is. I’m still with my babe, and the relationship is thriving.

Do you ever wonder if the relationship was worth losing Ibrahim over?

Sometimes. I don’t regret my relationship. I just wish I’d found a way to keep both. 

Do you think you’d reconcile if Ibrahim reached out?

It wouldn’t be easy, but I’d still try. A part of me hopes we’ll speak again someday.