Tayo*(30) and Tunde* (29) were more than friends; they were brothers. So when Tunde asked for a big favour during a family emergency, Tayo didn’t hesitate to help. 

For Sunken Ships, he shares how that decision unravelled a seven-year friendship and changed the way he thinks about favours forever. 

How did you meet?

We met in our first year at university in 2015. We lived in the same hostel and became close friends after bonding over our shared love for football. 

What was your friendship with him like?

I saw Tunde as a brother. We were so close that I鈥檇 spend holidays with his family in Ibadan instead of going home. If we wanted to hang out in Lagos instead, he鈥檇 stay with my family. He was truly my best friend.

Did you remain close after you graduated?

Yes. After we graduated, we both moved to Lagos for work. We didn’t see each other as much as we used to, but we still spoke every week. 

So what changed?

In 2022, Tunde called me one evening, sounding stressed. He said his mother was ill and needed treatment urgently.

Oh no.

Exactly. He said he needed 鈧�850,000 and asked if I could lend him 鈧�500K. At the time, I only had a little more than that in my savings, but this was my guy. We’d been friends for seven years, and his mum was also very kind to me when I stayed with them. I didn’t even think twice, I sent him 鈧�700K.

That鈥檚 so kind. Did he say when he would pay back?

Yes. He said he’d return it within three months because he was expecting money from a contract, but after the time had passed, he didn鈥檛 mention the money.

Did that upset you?

No, I wasn鈥檛 upset. I know how exhausting it can be to pay hospital bills. It was almost all the money I had saved up, but I didn鈥檛 need it right then, so I didn鈥檛 pester him for the money. But after six months, I noticed something.

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What was that?

This guy was posting a lavish lifestyle on Instagram. Weekend trips with his babe, new clothes and more. Every time I viewed his stories or statuses, he was always out and about, spending money. 

Ah.

Meanwhile, every time I mentioned him paying me back, he’d suddenly become the poorest man in Nigeria. The excuses just kept coming. If his car wasn鈥檛 having issues, it was that he had to send his sister money for an emergency.

Did you confront him?

I did, and he got immediately defensive. He told me I was counting his pockets and that just because he posted pictures or videos online didn’t mean he had money. He said he only posted them because he works in the entertainment industry and his social media had to be on point.

Omo.

It got worse. A mutual friend got married in March 2023, and we both attended. During the reception, Tunde was spraying bundles of money without a care in the world. I nearly lost my mind.

Did you bring up the debt there?

No, but I called him the next day and asked why he hadn鈥檛 paid me back yet, and he said I was disrespecting him and making him feel small.

What happened after that?

He started responding to my messages with one-word replies and avoided my calls. I got tired of trying to reach him and let things be.

Wow. Did he pay you back at all?

He sent 鈧�100k to me a week after the wedding with no explanation or message. Even after I texted to let him know I saw the money, he didn鈥檛 respond. That鈥檚 the last time we鈥檝e communicated.

That鈥檚 wild.

It is. I heard from a mutual friend that Tunde said he felt embarrassed and thought I cared more about the money than our friendship.

What do you think about that?

I think that’s nonsense. If I cared more about the money than the friendship, I wouldn’t have lent it to him in the first place. I had plans for that money, but I chose to help him because I cared about him so much.

Do you miss him?

Sometimes, I do. It鈥檚 been over three years now, and it鈥檚 still crazy to me that we鈥檙e no longer close because of money. I don鈥檛 have anyone else who was as close to me as Tunde was.

Would you reconcile if he reached out?

Maybe. Only after he sends the remaining 鈧�600,000 he owes. Then we can talk.

Has this affected your other friendships in any way?

Yes. Now, I still help my friends when I can, but when it comes to money, I鈥檓 strict. I only loan money I can give away without stressing. 

Dami* (31) thought she was finally giving love another chance after three years of being single when she met Dare*(32) on Bumble. But what started as a hopeful relationship quickly turned into a cycle of financial struggle, manipulation and emotional exhaustion. 

For Sunken Ships, she shares why she ignored the red flags, what it was like dating a manipulator, and the moment she realised she couldn鈥檛 build a future with him. 

How did you meet?

We met on Bumble early in 2024. We talked briefly, and when I told him I was deleting the app soon, he asked for my number. I obliged.

Why did you give him your number?

I鈥檇 been single for almost 3 years at that point, and I wanted to see if he was worth my time, while he wanted to know my values and interests. Chatting with him was a good way to answer the questions we both had.

Was this when you realised you had feelings for him?

No. I didn鈥檛 develop any feelings for him until after we started dating. My friends convinced me to give him a chance because they鈥檇 been trying to get me back into the dating pool since the end of my past relationship.

When did you start dating?

We started dating at the end of February 2024. He unexpectedly came through for me by helping me pay off an urgent loan when I needed it, which solidified my decision to give our relationship a shot.

What were the early days of your relationship like?

They were a mix of good times and shege. Dare was a freelance photographer with an inconsistent income. We basically moved in together and were squatting wherever we could find.

Ah. Why?

I had a female muslim cousin sharing my room with me, so he couldn鈥檛 move in with me. He didn鈥檛 have a stable income to afford rent, so we sometimes had to share with other people.

Okay. Did you notice any red flags at the start of your relationship?

Looking back, I noticed so many, and I beat myself up for ignoring them. His lack of a job, his random jealousy, his lies, and many more red flags were obvious from the start, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance.

When did the problems in the relationship become difficult to ignore?

Our issues became glaring when we moved to Ibadan together in May 2024.

Tell me about that.

An older female friend of mine got Dare a job and allowed us to squat in her house while we saved up for our own rent. It was inconvenient, but we didn鈥檛 have a choice. My biggest issue was how Dare would constantly complain about how stressful our situation was.

It must have been discouraging.

It was so discouraging. I told him to start sleeping at work to help us save rent a little faster, but his complaints got worse. He said the stress was overwhelming and constantly complained about the mosquitoes as if I was having a better time. 

What were you doing?

I was a freelance writer constantly hunting gigs, but my income was more stable than his.

Did you try to speak to him about his behaviour?

Yes, I even asked our host to speak to him, but he didn鈥檛 improve. He would get so upset that he would punch the walls. Our host had to threaten him before he stopped.

Whoa. That鈥檚 wild. What happened next?

In November, an old boss invited me to lunch at the eatery where Dare worked. When I told him, he flared up and said his coworkers would think my old boss was my sugar daddy.

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That鈥檚 a reach.

Even wilder, he proceeded to ignore me for three days after the lunch.

Ah. What did you do when he ignored you?

I broke up with him as soon as I realised he was trying to mess with my head. I also stopped squatting with him and moved back to stay with my cousin.

How did he react?

He begged me to change my mind. In fact, he begged me with gifts and words until April 2025. When I finally agreed to give him another chance.

How did your second go at a relationship with him go?

It was just as bad as the first time. I was on edge the entire relationship, afraid of what nonsense he would send my way. We were always arguing over one thing or another.

What was the final straw for you?

When we got back together, he was talking about wanting to marry me and have kids with me. Then he suddenly changed his mind.

Do you know why?

He told me one of his coworkers鈥� marriages ended suddenly when his wife walked out on him, and that gave him cold feet. 

Aw, that鈥檚 sad.

I wouldn鈥檛 have been that upset if he hadn鈥檛 begun pushing for us to start having kids out of wedlock with no stable income or housing. 

Ah, that鈥檚 a crazy ask.

Exactly. That鈥檚 when I realised he wasn鈥檛 the one for me. In October 2025, I ended things permanently. I couldn鈥檛 continue pretending that we could work out.

How did he take the split?

He went silent on me. When we first broke up, I would send him job applications I thought would be a good fit for him, but he didn鈥檛 even thank me or reach out to me on my birthday. I stopped sharing them after that.

Do you miss him?

No, I wish we had broken up sooner. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Would you be open to reconciliation if he reached out to you again?

I don鈥檛 even want to see him again, let alone date him. Let everybody be in their own corner, please.

Ope* (29) and Funmi* met as young Nigerians navigating life in South Africa and quickly became each other’s chosen family until a man came between them.

For Sunken Ships, Ope shares how she became stuck in a love triangle with her best friend, how it eroded their bond and how she鈥檚 coping with the aftermath.

How did your friendship with Funmi begin?

We met at a church program in Cape Town in 2017, but we didn鈥檛 become close friends until 2018. We hit it off when I sent my well-wishes for her mum鈥檚 birthday that year. She invited me to spend the Christmas holidays with her family in Durban, and the rest was history.  We became close from then on.

How close are we talking?

So close that her parents became my South African family. I didn’t usually go home to Nigeria for Christmas because of the costs, so spending Christmas with her family became my new tradition. I was there for three Christmases in a row. Her mum loved me, her sisters knew me, and everyone knew we were close.

How would you describe your friendship with her?

It was rocky, but deep. She was my first call for everything. Even though we had minor disagreements from time to time, I saw her as my best friend.

So what changed?

I started seeing a boy called Emeka*, and that became the beginning of the end.

Tell me about him.

I first met him in August 2018 at a church programme. We got talking, but I was in a relationship at the time, so when he asked me out, I said no and left it at that. Later, I mentioned him to Funmi in passing, and she mentioned she knew of him. 

What did she say?

Their parents were Nigerian pastors who’d been in South Africa for years, and they were close family friends. They’d basically grown up in the same church circles.

Did you notice any red flags when you told her about him?

Honestly? No. I was with someone else. I told her about him the way I’d tell her about any fine man I’d met. I wasn’t pressed at all.

What happened afterwards?

I broke up with my ex in April 2019. Funmi was my go-to person, so I told her. She told Emeka I was single, and the next thing I knew, he was texting me, offering himself as a shoulder to lean on. He was away in Nigeria for his IT year, but we became very close over the phone. I was emotionally vulnerable after my break-up, and he became a safe space for my feelings.

How did things progress between you two?

By August 2019, he was back in South Africa, and we actually met up. I went to Johannesburg to see him, and he came to my city, Pretoria, the following weekend. 

How was that like?

It was amazing. I thought I was really into him at that point and thought I had truly found my person.

So what changed?

In September, Funmi sent me a message to congratulate her and Emeka on spending six blissful months together.

Ah! 

I was so shocked, I couldn鈥檛 believe my eyes. This meant they’d been dating since February. The whole time he was calling me for hours, talking about his feelings, and visiting me, he was in a relationship with my best friend. 

Funmi never mentioned him?

No. She never talked about him. I told her when we were talking, but I never mentioned we were getting emotionally involved. 

Did you ask her why she didn’t tell you?

Yes. Apparently, Emeka told her to keep their relationship lowkey, so she didn鈥檛 tell anyone except their parents. That hurt me because I felt she didn鈥檛 include me on purpose.

Did you tell her about what went down between you and her man?

I struggled with it for a bit, but I knew I couldn鈥檛 let someone I love be with an untrustworthy person. I summoned the courage and told her everything.

What did Funmi say after she found out?

She was also shocked that Emeka had been sneaking around behind her back with me. She said she was going to break things off because she didn鈥檛 want to choose between him and me. It was painful, but I felt we鈥檇 get through it together.

Okay. What happened after that?

She called me back the next day and said she’d realised she loved him too much to break up with him, but she hoped we could all just move forward and leave what had happened behind.

Omo. What did you do?

I was taken aback, but I agreed and promised to be civil with Emeka. Somehow, he used that as an avenue to keep 鈥渃hecking in on鈥� me. I was so emotionally attached to him that I entertained his attentions. I’ll admit that a part of me was hoping he would eventually choose me. Or that Funmi would leave him so he鈥檇 be free to date me. 

Wow. So what finally snapped you out of it?

I went to her family’s house in Durban for Christmas in 2019 because it was our tradition, and she’d insisted things were fine between us. But it was awkward because Emeka was there between us. He would call her often during the day, and I would hear them on the phone together. It made me so jealous and a little crazy.

What did you do?

This is where I admit my own fault. I don鈥檛 know what came over me, but I texted him and told him I still had feelings for him. And that I was willing to wait for him to choose me. He took a screenshot of the message and sent it to Funmi.

Omo! While you were in her house?

Yes, o. It was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. When she showed me his message, I couldn鈥檛 speak. It was as if the scales fell from my eyes, and all the love I felt towards Emeka turned into hate and disgust. I was angry at him for showing her, but mostly at myself for even being in that situation.

What happened next?

Emeka called and told me I had never stood my ground with him, or  sent him off. That there was never a time I actually said, “We can’t do this.” I hate that he was right, but he was. Funmi said she forgave me. I thanked her for the forgiveness and went home as soon as my flight allowed.

Did you two try to repair things?

We tried. She came to Pretoria later in 2020, and we hung out, but it was the same as before. Then the pandemic kept everyone in their own corner, so there was some relief in that.

What about her relationship with Emeka?

Around April 2020, Funmi called me to say Emeka had broken up with her in February, having fallen for someone else. A mutual friend of ours. It drove her into a depression. I felt sorry for her, but I also felt this terrible helplessness because I had cut off my friendship with her specifically so she could have a clean relationship with this man, and he left anyway. 

What was your friendship with Funmi like after this?

We became distant, but we still spoke once in a while. I even asked her to be my chief bridesmaid when I got married in 2022. The wedding was in Nigeria, but she didn鈥檛 come because her parents said Nigeria was too unsafe. 

I see. What was your final straw?

When Funmi chose to stay with Emeka rather than leave him, I lost some of the respect I had for her. But the final straw came when Funmi was getting married.

Tell me about that.

I received a general invitation in March 2023. No ask to be a bridesmaid, no ” I want you involved.” I waited because I thought she would ask me to be a bridesmaid. She never did

Oh wow. Did this hurt?

It was painful because when we were still close, we had promised to serve on each other鈥檚 bridal trains. I really wanted to support her when she finally found love. By August, when she still didn鈥檛 ask, I had to make a decision. Was I going to spend over $2,000 dollars on flights and accommodation just to sit in a hall at a wedding where I clearly wasn鈥檛 her friend anymore?

Did you bring it up with her?

I didn’t. I just quietly told her I wouldn’t be able to make it.

What hurt most about this wedding saga?

Aside from excluding me from the fanfare, I found out that she had become close with someone who we both knew disliked me, Rhema*. She even went so far as to make her the chief bridesmaid. That was when I knew that our friendship was over.

What did you do when you found out?

I unfollowed her and deleted her contact. She texted me once she noticed, with a casual “Hey, how are you?” I didn’t reply.

Do you think you would ever reconcile?

No. And not just because she picked both Emeka and Rhema over me. I thought about our friendship for a long time, and realised that even without Emeka, it was probably always going to collapse. If it wasn’t her parents controlling her, it was whoever she was dating, or whoever she’d made her new best friend. I realised Funmi often became whoever the strongest voice around her wanted her to be. 

That must have been a hard pill to swallow.

It was. I spent a lot of time being angry at Emeka, blaming him for the whole thing. But I’m starting to find where Funmi and I, too, were at fault. I miss her, but we鈥檙e better off apart.

And what about Emeka?

He鈥檚 married now and has a daughter with the same woman he left Funmi for. He also went around telling people that I forced myself on him. That I was the reason he and Funmi broke up. This was after I had already left South Africa and gotten married.

I’m sorry, what?

It was so crazy when a mutual friend reached out to tell me. I wished I had his number so I could call him and make it very clear that my name should never come out of his mouth again.

Has this experience made you bitter about friendship in general?

No. I genuinely still believe in beautiful friendships because I鈥檓 surrounded by them. This one just ran its course.

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Cassy* (30) thought she鈥檇 found something real when she met Dimeji* (31) shortly before the lockdown. What started as constant texting quickly became a serious relationship. But a visit to his place uncovered a shocking secret that made her question everything she thought she knew about the man she loved.

For Sunken Ships, Cassy talks about the moment his lies unravelled, and why she left without looking back.

How did you meet Dimeji?

I met him at a picnic in Ibadan shortly before the 2020 lockdown. We got paired to play a game, and after we won, we exchanged numbers and started texting regularly.

When did you realise you had feelings for him?

I noticed my feelings for him had changed shortly after we got into the habit of texting every day. He was handsome and charming, so it didn鈥檛 take long before I started looking forward to his messages.

Did the lockdown have any influence on your relationship?

It had a huge impact. I lived in Ibadan while Dimeji was based in Lagos, and after we went into lockdown, he became my closest online companion. I lived alone, and on several days, he was the only one I spoke to. We became close friends during that period.

Did you tell him about how you felt?

Yes, but only after he confessed his own feelings to me in June of 2020. We agreed that he鈥檇 visit me in Ibadan as soon as restrictions were lifted.

How did that visit go?

It was as wonderful as I imagined. We spent a whole weekend at my place just sleeping together and watching movies. 

Was that when your relationship became official?

Yes. He told me he saw a future with me and asked me to be his girlfriend that weekend in August. I was already deep in my feelings for him, so of course, I said yes.

What were the early days of your relationship like?

They were great. We talked every single day. He was also generous and attentive. I thought I had found my last bus stop.

What changed?

In February 2021, I had to go to Lagos for an embassy appointment. I figured I would stay at my man鈥檚 place to save money on hotel costs. But when I told him about my trip a week ahead, he said I wouldn鈥檛 be able to stay with him because he had a friend squatting in his apartment. He offered to cover some of the hotel costs instead.

What happened after that?

It was fine with me, but I still wanted to visit him. Every time we had seen each other, he had come to my place in Ibadan. I knew his address, but I鈥檇 never been to his place, and I wanted to see where he lived. When I suggested this, he turned me down and said we could go out instead.

What did you say to that?

I thought he was being considerate of the friend who was staying with him, which was why he didn鈥檛 want me to visit. So I assured him that I just wanted to know where my boyfriend lived and wouldn鈥檛 make his guest feel uncomfortable. He didn鈥檛 like that.

What do you mean?

It escalated into an argument out of nowhere. He accused me of not listening to him and trying to strong-arm him into doing what I say. I was so surprised at his reaction that I started apologising even though I didn鈥檛 know what I鈥檇 said to set him off.

What happened after the argument?

He became a little distant, but I figured he鈥檇 come around as he did after all our usual fights and continued plans for my trip to Lagos.

Tell me about the Lagos trip.

That was when everything really scattered. I wanted to make it up to Dimeji for upsetting him, so I bought him a pair of headphones he鈥檇 been raving about. I decided I would drop it off at his place with his security guard as a surprise.

How did that go?

After finishing up at the embassy, I went over to his place. There, I met the friend staying with him and tried to drop off the gift. When he asked for my name, I told him to say it was from Dimeji鈥檚 girlfriend. I can鈥檛 explain how I felt when he replied, 鈥淥h, it鈥檚 from Tiwa*?鈥�

Ah, who is Tiwa?

That was my exact question. His friend explained that was the person he knew to be Dimeji鈥檚 girlfriend. I felt my head getting hot and called him immediately.

What did he say?

When I told him I was at his place, he hung up and sent me several angry text messages asking why I didn鈥檛 follow his instructions to stay away. I asked who Tiwa was, and he stopped replying entirely. I tried calling him and texting him, but he didn鈥檛 respond.

Omo. What did you do after that?

I took the gift and went back to my hotel. 

Did Dimeji reach out to you after that?

Yes, that evening, he came over. He immediately started begging and explained that Tiwa was his long-time girlfriend, but he couldn鈥檛 leave her because whenever he tried, she threatened to harm herself. He said he loved me, but we just needed to keep things lowkey till he could safely get out of his relationship with Tiwa

Whoa, that鈥檚 crazy. How did you react to that?

His explanation sounded insane to me. I asked him why he chased me if he knew he was with someone else, and he said he didn鈥檛 want to be without me.

How did this whole ordeal make you feel?

I felt so emotionally drained. It felt like I went from stability in my relationship to utter chaos. It was as if he was trying to manipulate me into becoming an official side chick. I wanted to get away from all the wahala and heal.

How did the conversation with Dimeji end that night?

I broke up with him. I couldn鈥檛 stomach the fact that he鈥檇 been lying to me for the entirety of our relationship. I was so hurt.

What happened after that?

I went back to Ibadan and was determined to move on from him. It was difficult because I had told everyone in my life about him.

Did he ever reach out after that night?

Yes, he did. I blocked him on all our shared social media when I got back to Ibadan, but he started sending me emails instead. He begged me to come back to him and swore he would end things with Tiwa once I did. I never replied to any of them.

Is there any chance you can revive your relationship with him and work things out?

Never. Aside from the fact that he鈥檚 a liar, I can鈥檛 trust him. In mid 2023, I saw he made an engagement announcement. He had proposed to the very same Tiwa he told me he鈥檇 been trying to break up with. That was when I realised he probably never intended to leave her at all.

Ah, that鈥檚 wild.

I was surprised too. But I鈥檓 happy that I didn鈥檛 let myself get tangled up in whatever game he was trying to play with my heart.

Did this affect the way you view love and relationships?

It was a bad experience, but I still believe I鈥檒l find love. However, I will never stay with someone who doesn鈥檛 have the values I respect, like honesty. My ideal person is someone I can completely trust.

Temi*(31) and Bolu*(31) met during their A-level year and quickly became inseparable. Teni believed their friendship was one of the few constants she could rely on, until one incident made her question everything she thought she knew about loyalty. 

For Sunken Ships, a woman shares how a decade-long friendship fell apart during one of the most difficult periods of her life, and why forgiveness didn鈥檛 mean giving her friend another chance. 

Where did you meet Bolu?

We met during our A-levels in 2014. We were all science students, and after a while, we created a tight clique with four other girls.

Wow, that鈥檚 a whole squad. What was your friendship like?

We were all so close that our teachers used to ask if we were related. However, among the girls, Bolu and I were the closest. We were in the same class and did everything together. 

What happened after that?

Most of the group went their separate ways and attended different universities, but Bolu and I went to the same university and remained close. We got in for different courses but made sure to spend as much time together as possible. 

Did you ever fight?

We argued every now and then, but never over anything serious. It was why I was so surprised when she did such a painful thing to me.

Tell me about that.

In my final year, I lost my dad, and that affected my studies. I had to retake a few courses, and so I planned to come back during the next session. 

Did you tell Bolu about this?

She was the first person I told. I also told her about how I worried about the cost of being in school for an extra year because of the financial burden my father鈥檚 death put on my family. She encouraged me and promised to help me in whatever way she could.

How did the extra year go?

It was a difficult year. During the session, I was travelling from Lagos to Osun for classes during the week and going back home on the weekends to help my mum with her provisions store. I squatted with classmates when I had classes or tests to save on hostel fees. Bolu spent time with me when I was in school, but things began to unravel when the first semester exams rolled around.

What happened during the exams?

A few weeks before exams, I confided in Bolu that the classmates I usually squatted with said they wouldn鈥檛 be able to accommodate me. I lamented having to get a large sum of money from my mum to pay for a month’s rent at a private hostel so I could write my exams. Bolu immediately said I shouldn鈥檛 worry and that I could stay at her off-campus apartment during the exams. It took a huge weight off my chest, and I was so grateful for her help. 

That鈥檚 amazing! 

I thought so too until I arrived at her place a day before my first paper.

What happened when you arrived?

I got to Bolu鈥檚 house just as the sun was setting. I wanted to get in and start revising ahead of the exams the next day, but it was as if she wasn鈥檛 home. So I started calling her to find out where she was, but she didn鈥檛 pick up. I waited outside till it got dark, but I still couldn鈥檛 reach her. I left her messages everywhere; on social media, on our group chats, I even called her brother to help reach her, but had no luck. Then it started to rain.

Wow, that must have been awful.

It truly was. The rain beat me for more than an hour. I had my laptop with me and was scared of water getting to it. A nice lady with a kiosk on the street let me take shelter in her store. Around 9:00 PM, I got frustrated and used some of the little money I had to pay for a cheap hotel for the night.聽

How was that experience?

It was horrible. They played loud music for most of the night at the hotel bar, which made it hard to focus while studying. In all this, I was still worried about Bolu because she didn鈥檛 respond at all, and I knew she also had her own final first semester exams that week.

How did the exam the next day go?

It was a near miss, but I did my best on the paper. As soon as I finished, I tried calling Bolu again. I couldn鈥檛 reach her. I was so worried because neither I nor our other friends could reach her at all. I also had to sort out my accommodation, so I borrowed some money from my friends and paid through the nose for a room in a private hostel.

Did you get a hold of her at all?

No, but the next day, a Wednesday, I saw that she posted a photo of her studying with her classmate at her house on her WhatsApp status.

Ah. What did you do?

I messaged her immediately. I asked why she hadn鈥檛 responded to my calls and texts. I told her how the rain beat me and how I had to stay in a hotel the previous night, but she still didn鈥檛 respond.

Omo, that鈥檚 cold. What did you do?

I told the rest of our friends in our A-level friend group. They couldn鈥檛 believe it. They got so upset on my behalf that they started calling and messaging her. She didn鈥檛 respond to a single call or message from any of us.

Wow. Did she ever reach out to explain herself?

Yes, she did. After the exams, a day before I went back to Lagos, she sent me a voice note apologising. She said that when she told her dad I would be staying with her for two weeks to write exams, he wasn鈥檛 comfortable with the arrangement. She was too embarrassed to tell me, so she just vanished. I asked her why she didn鈥檛 respond to my calls or messages, and she said she didn鈥檛 want me to get angry.

How did you feel?

I couldn鈥檛 believe it. If she had told me earlier, I wouldn鈥檛 have been upset at all. Instead, she left me out in the rain and ghosted my messages. She didn鈥檛 even ask how I managed to find accommodation for the rest of my stay or how I was doing during the entire exam period. I told her I wasn鈥檛 angry with her, but she needed to keep her distance from me.

How did she take that?

She went to our group chat with our A-level friends and said I was being mean and unforgiving to her, even after she鈥檇 apologised for not being available.

What did they say?

They roasted her for being inconsiderate and self-centred. She angrily left the group chat, and that鈥檚 one of the last times we鈥檝e interacted.

She never reached out after that?

I announced my engagement on Instagram in 2025, and she sent me a congratulatory message. I didn鈥檛 respond to it.

Do you think reconciliation is on the table if she comes around?

Honestly, no. I don鈥檛 see myself relying on her again. It wasn鈥檛 just that she couldn鈥檛 come through for me when I needed her, it was how she left me hanging even though she knew I had no other options. Her trying to paint me as unforgiving afterwards was the final nail in the coffin for me. I don鈥檛 see her as a friend anymore.

Has this affected your perception of friendships?

No, I鈥檓 still surrounded and supported by the most amazing women. I don鈥檛 want her friendship anymore because I still have plenty of high-quality friendships. 

Iyebiye* (27) and Remi* (27) met in secondary school and became best friends. This friendship was a safe space for Iyebiye until one missed FaceTime call spiralled into an argument that strained their bond.

For Sunken Ships, Iyebiye talks about the argument that ended a decade-long friendship, and why forgiveness doesn’t always mean a second chance.

How did you and Remi become friends?

In 2012, she joined my SS1 set as a new transfer student. We were in different classes, but a couple of my friends swore I would like her. They introduced us, and we became fast friends.

That鈥檚 cool. What was your friendship with her like?

It was amazing while we lasted. We were the only two people in my set with Blackberry phones, so every time we went home for the holidays from boarding school, we would chat for hours on BBM messaging app. At school, we did everything together. Soon, she started telling people I was her best friend. I loved the sound of that, so I went along with it.

Why did you decide to go along with it?

I had never had a best friend before, and I really enjoyed our friendship. It was the first time in my life that people associated me with someone in that way. Even our families got to know each other because of our friendship. It felt like we were building something special.

What changed?

Remi moved abroad for university in 2016, while I remained in Nigeria. We were sure nothing could affect our friendship, but the distance and time zone differences put an invisible strain on our relationship. This eventually led to our final argument.

Tell me about that.

In 2022, I was having a rough time. I was in my final year, fighting for my life, battling depression, struggling with financial stability and a tumultuous family dynamic. Because of this, I wasn鈥檛 on my phone much and often missed calls and messages. She knew I was struggling at the time, but when I missed her FaceTime call on a random Tuesday, she exploded.

What do you mean?

Things were so bad at the time that I couldn鈥檛 afford data consistently. She called when I didn鈥檛 have data, so when I managed to buy some a few days later, I saw she had tried to reach me and called her back. She was very upset and said the worst things to me.

What did she say?

She accused me of using the excuse of not having data to try to manipulate her into buying some data for me. I told her that wasn鈥檛 the case, but she was too angry to listen. She called me a leech and said all I do is “take and take” without bringing anything to our friendship. She mentioned the phone she got for me and said it was crazy that after she did that, I still wanted her to buy me data.

She got you a phone?

Yes, unprovoked. Earlier in 2022, my phone broke, and I had no money to fix or replace it. The minute she heard, she bought me a phone and had it delivered to my doorstep as a surprise. At the time, she mentioned she didn鈥檛 tell me about the gift in advance because she knew I would turn it down, so it was wild to me that she would raise it as an example of how I was 鈥渓eeching鈥� off her.

How did you respond to her accusation?

I was so hurt and embarrassed. I told her she was acting totally out of character and I wished her the best, but I asked her never to reach out to me again.

What did you do after that?

I reached out to a few of her mutual friends in her country. Her messages were erratic, and the accusation was so out of character that I knew something was wrong. It turned out that she was having a mental breakdown from the pressure of her studies. They managed to get her the help she needed.

Whoa, that鈥檚 crazy! Did you reach out to her after she got better?

No. I didn鈥檛 feel safe in our friendship anymore. 

Did she reach out to you?

While she was getting treatment, she reached out to me a few times to try to pick up the fight again, but I ignored her. I didn鈥檛 want her to hurt me more than she had already, and I had already checked out of the friendship.

What about when she got better?

In 2024, after she recovered, she sent me a long message apologising for her actions and begging us to rekindle our friendship.

What did you say?

I told her that I had forgiven her, but I didn鈥檛 see us ever being friends again. It felt a bit harsh, but I knew I could never be as open with her as I used to be.

Did she reach out to you after that?

Yes, she sends me a check-in message every few months. At first, I ignored them, but after a while, I started replying. She called me on my birthday in 2024, and she asked if we could at least try to rebuild our friendship.

What did you say to that?

I told her I was willing to try. Now, we have a year-long streak on Snapchat.

Does this mean there鈥檚 hope for you guys to become best friends again?

I don鈥檛 think so. I鈥檓 still on guard when I talk to her. We are nowhere as close as we used to be, and I don鈥檛 think we鈥檒l ever be best friends again. But it鈥檚 nice to be cordial with her.

Has this affected the way you approach your other friendships?

A little. I鈥檓 even more wary of asking my friends for help or accepting gifts now. I don鈥檛 like being accused of bad-faith actions, and I鈥檇 rather avoid it totally.

Jane* (28) was delighted when her older brother introduced her to his fianc茅e. However, Jane鈥檚 close relationship with her brother became misinterpreted by her sister-in-law, leading to tension.

For Sunken Ships, she shares how a sordid accusation from her sister-in-law strained their relationship and how she handled it.

How did you meet your sister-in-law?

I met her in April 2022 when my older brother introduced us. They had been dating for a few months by then, and my brother wanted to include her in our friendship. I thought she was cool. She was beautiful, had a great job, and my brother really liked her. She was also quite nice when we met, so I had no complaints.

Did she join your friendship like you hoped?

Not really. My brother and I live in the same city, and we鈥檇 hang out at least once a week. Sometimes, she joined us when she was free.

Okay. Was there any friction between you before the wedding?

Not at all. We were very friendly throughout the time my brother and she were dating. By the time their wedding came around in 2024, I had already come to see her as a part of our family. 

Are you and your brother close?

Yes, we鈥檙e like best friends. We鈥檝e been close since we were kids. We don鈥檛 have any other siblings, and we share many interests, so aside from respecting him as my older brother, I have always viewed him as one of my closest friends. 

Where did the cracks in your relationship with your sister-in-law start to appear?

After their marriage, I would visit my brother and his wife at home at least once a week. I tried not to visit more than that, even though my brother encouraged it because his wife didn鈥檛 seem comfortable with it. 

How did you mean?

She would say things like 鈥淵ou鈥檙e here again? You like your brother, o鈥�. But I thought she was just joking around.

Did you have any idea why?

Not at the time. I thought she just wanted more alone time with him, which I understood. After all, their marriage was still new. But then, soon after, she blew things out of proportion.

What happened?

I got laid off from my job in early 2025, and it took a toll on me. When I told my brother, he told me to come over for a movie night at his house to take my mind off things. That evening, we were snuggled together on the couch with a blanket, watching a movie. I was resting my head on his shoulder when his wife came in shouting.

What did she say?

She said what we were doing was inappropriate. She accused us of incest and said no siblings she knew would be comfortable being under a blanket together unless there was something else involved.

Ah! That鈥檚 crazy.

My brother and I immediately became upset. She even went further and cited times when my brother kissed my forehead as examples of us crossing the line of proper sexual behaviour between siblings. I was so irritated. My brother also kisses our mum on the cheek and forehead. Does that mean he鈥檚 sleeping with our mother, too?

Omo. What did you do after that?

I was so livid.  told my brother I was too upset to spend the night and went back home. I called my mum and told her everything that had happened. She also got upset and told me she鈥檇 talk to her about it.

How did the talk go?

She didn鈥檛 get a chance to speak to her because my brother called our in-laws and our family for a meeting. Since my sister-in-law had made the incest accusation, there was a lot of tension between her and my brother. 

How did the family meeting go?

I鈥檓 not sure. We weren鈥檛 able to resolve much. She insisted that she was uncomfortable with how close my brother and I were to each other. My family insisted that she was projecting weird stuff on my friendship with my brother. For peace to reign, I agreed to keep my distance from them.

Wow. How did this incident affect your relationship with your brother?

It didn鈥檛 really affect my relationship with my brother. We鈥檙e still close, and we still hang out often, but I hardly ever visit him at home now. And when I do, I make sure I鈥檓 always with a family member before I start to hear nonsense again.

What about your sister-in-law?

That whole experience made me see her differently. I go out of my way to avoid her now. I don鈥檛 want anything to do with her. I don鈥檛 even greet her if I can help it.

Do you know if this affected your brother鈥檚 marriage?

Yes, it did. It put a strain on their relationship, and my brother tells me they argue more often now. They鈥檙e trying to work through it, but I try not to get involved because I don鈥檛 want anybody to accuse me of anything.

Would you consider being close to your sister-in-law if she apologised sincerely?

Probably not. I think it was very odd to project onto my brother and me in the first place. Just because we have a good relationship doesn鈥檛 mean anything sinister is going on. It鈥榮 too weird for me to look past.

Deola* (32) and Demilade* (32) have been best friends since they were kids. 

However, what started as excitement over her childhood best friend鈥檚 wedding quickly turned into a series of demands, expensive obligations, and hurtful words she couldn鈥檛 ignore. In this week鈥檚 Sunken Ships, Deola shares how being a maid of honour cost her more than money.

What spelt the end of your friendship with Demilade?

The way she spoke to me during her wedding planning after I had spent a large amount on wedding prep was what pushed our friendship downhill.

That鈥檚 sad. How did you meet?

We basically grew up together. Her mother and mine were school friends, and so we spent a lot of time together as kids and eventually became friends. We attended the same secondary school and became even closer.

What was your friendship with Demilade like?

It was great. We were like sisters. We told each other everything, and we always had each other鈥檚 backs in school. Even when we went to different universities, we remained close.

What changed?

In 2023, Demilade got engaged, and we began planning for her wedding the next April. Of course, I was to be her maid of honour. Everything was going great at first, then she started going overboard.

What do you mean?

Demilade was particular about how she wanted her wedding to go and, most especially, how she wanted it to look. She became demanding and started making unreasonable requests. Some of these requests were expensive, but if anyone complained, she would threaten to kick them off the bridal train.

Ah, that鈥檚 wild.

There鈥檚 more. She told me I would have to pay for a custom pair of shoes and use an expensive tailor of her choice for my dress. Just paying for my dress, shoes and makeup cost over 鈧�200k. I took it all in stride because it鈥檚 a once-in-a-lifetime event, and I wanted to do anything I could to make my best friend鈥檚 day special. 

What happened after that?

A month to the wedding, she reached out, saying she wanted to throw a bridal shower. Usually, the bridesmaids plan the shower for the bride, but Demilade insisted on doing it herself. Instead of planning it, she wanted us to contribute the money. That wouldn鈥檛 have been an issue if she hadn鈥檛 billed each of us another 鈧�120k for it.

Whoa. How did you react?

I was honest with her. I told her I didn鈥檛 have the money. It was too far out of my budget, considering what I had already spent on wedding expenses. I told her I would miss the bridal shower but support them however they needed me to.

How did she take your refusal?

She got upset and kicked me out of the wedding planning WhatsApp group. She then messaged me privately to tell me off for being a bad friend. She said she was disappointed in me because my absence would throw off the aesthetic she was going for. She also insulted me, saying she wished she hadn鈥檛 put a miser on her bridal train. I couldn鈥檛 believe it. 

What did you do after that?

I got upset and sent my mum a screenshot of our chat. She advised me not to react, so it wouldn鈥檛 look like I wished her ill during her wedding. So I held my tongue till after the wedding, but that was when I knew our friendship was over.

How did the wedding go?

It was a beautiful event. No one would have guessed that I had checked out of the friendship. I threw myself into my maid of honour duties. I wanted there to be no doubt that I did my part. After the festivities were over, I sent her a congratulatory message and soft-blocked her everywhere.

Did she try to talk to you after the wedding?

Yes, she sent me a WhatsApp message asking why I had soft-blocked her. I didn鈥檛 respond. She then tried to emotionally blackmail me by asking our mothers to intervene.

How did that go?

I turned down their attempts to reconcile us. I didn鈥檛 feel comfortable in our friendship any more. 

Have you spoken to her at all since then?

I haven鈥檛 spoken to her since her wedding. Thankfully, she moved to another state with her husband, so I haven鈥檛 run into her since then either.

Do you miss her?

All the time. Walking away from our friendship was painful, but it鈥檚 gotten better with time.

Would you rekindle your friendship with her if given the chance?

I don鈥檛 think so. I鈥檓 not interested in being friends with someone who鈥檚 that obsessed with optics.

Growing up together with an abusive relative, Omolabake* (44) and her brother, Olamide* (41), bonded over their shared suffering. After they escaped, they swore never to send their children to live with relatives who treat them poorly.聽However, years later, Omolabake’s son had to move in with Olamide for school, and their relationship began to unravel.

For Sunken Ships, Labake shares the incident that ruined her close relationship with her brother and why she decided to cut him off.

When did you realise your relationship with your brother was over?

When I got evidence of the terrible way my brother was treating my son, I knew we would never see eye to eye again.

Let鈥檚 start from the beginning. What was growing up like for you?

It was hard. I spent my early childhood in a village in Ondo with my four siblings. When we reached the age for secondary school, we were sent off to live with different relatives who helped pay our fees. In turn, we did chores and ran errands for them. My younger brother and I were sent to live with the same strict aunt.

How did that influence your relationship with your brother?

That experience made us close. Our aunt was wicked and treated us badly. Beatings and cruel punishments were always on the table. We bonded over our suffering with her and swore that when we had our own kids, we wouldn鈥檛 send them to live with relatives who would treat them poorly.

Totally fair. How did you guys escape your wicked aunt?

After we graduated, I moved back home to Ondo and got married, while my brother moved to Lagos and settled down there. 

Did the distance affect your relationship?

No, we were the closest to each other among all our siblings. We kept in touch by phone and visited each other often.

What led to your conflict?

Despite my promise to myself to never send my children to live with relatives, things didn鈥檛 go as planned. In 2021, my first son was admitted to Unilag and needed a place to stay. Getting him accommodation was expensive, and I complained about it to my brother on the phone. He immediately offered to house him.

That was nice of him. How did you respond?

I jumped at his offer. I thought it would be great for my son to spend a few years with his uncle and his family. It was cheaper, and I knew he would be with someone I trusted. I was even willing to send over money to cover his upkeep, but my brother refused.

Where did things go wrong?

At first, everything was fine. My son did chores and went to school from home. But a few months into his stay, he complained to my brother about the number of chores that were assigned to him. He told him it was becoming difficult to balance the chores with his schoolwork.

What did your brother say?

He became angry. He called my son lazy, saying that he did more chores when we grew up with my aunt, and it never affected his schooling.

Ah. What happened after that?

In early 2022, my son couldn鈥檛 wash my brother鈥檚 car before heading to class. As punishment, my brother beat him. Ordinarily, I鈥檓 not against discipline when it鈥檚 needed, but did he want to kill my child for me? He beat my son like an animal. My son sent me a photo of all the welts and marks on his body from the beating.

Oh no. What did you do when you saw that?

It felt like my head was going to explode with anger. The next day, I took a bus to Lagos to get my child back and to confront my brother.

How did that go?

It became a shouting match. My brother refused to see that what he had done was wrong. He claimed I was being too soft on my son. That made me angrier because I know he would never accept it if someone else did that to his child.

What happened after that?

I paid through the nose for a private room in a hostel for my son and took him away from that house. I reported my brother to our siblings and let them know I was distancing myself from him. 

Did they try to intervene?

Yes, they did, but my brother鈥檚 lack of remorse kept the rift between us.

Did he ever reach out to apologise?

Not once. He has kept to himself since I confronted him in Lagos.

Would you ever consider reconciling with him if he apologised?

No. He鈥檚 no better than the wicked aunt who maltreated us. I don鈥檛 want anything to do with him.

Ginika* (24) spent the first thirteen years of her life believing she was Bolanle, the last child of a poor family living in a Lagos slum. Unbeknownst to her, her biological parents were alive and well.

For Sunken Ships, Ginika recalls her early childhood, reconnecting with her parents after more than a decade and why she has decided to cut both of them off.

Tell me about your relationship with your parents.

My relationship with my parents is complex. On one hand, when I was abandoned, living with a different family for the first thirteen years of my life, I yearned and wished for parents of my own. But after escaping that place and reuniting with them, I no longer want to have anything to do with them.

Whoa. Let鈥檚 go back to the beginning.

My parents’ relationship has always been tumultuous. My mum got pregnant when she was 18. My dad was in his 30s and had told her he wanted to settle down but wasn鈥檛 making any serious moves. Afraid of the way her strict family would react, and that my dad would leave her stranded, she tried to abort it with pills she got from a friend鈥檚 mum. 

How did that go for her?

It didn鈥檛 work, obviously. When she found out a few months later that she was still pregnant despite her attempts, she knew she had to keep it.

How did her family react when she told them about you?

She kept the pregnancy hidden until she delivered, then showed up at her house with a baby. Her parents were deeply disappointed with her and sent her away from home. They also stopped sending her money in the middle of her pre-degree program. They were especially harsh on her because it had happened before.

What do you mean?

Her older sister had also gotten pregnant young and out of wedlock. My grandparents had looked to my mum as their 鈥榝inal hope鈥� and wanted her to complete her education. Only for her to surprise them with a baby out of wedlock.

I see. How did your dad react when your mum told him that she was keeping the baby?

She made him believe that she had found a way to get rid of the pregnancy, so he didn鈥檛 even know that I existed.聽

That鈥檚 wild. When did your mum finally tell you about him?

I didn鈥檛 physically meet my mum until I was 14. She didn鈥檛 tell me anything.

Ah! Please explain.

When my mum鈥檚 abortion attempts didn鈥檛 pan out, she had me right before her pre-degree exams. She wanted to focus on them, so she begged her friend鈥檚 mum, a midwife, to care for me for two weeks while she finished her school year.

How old were you when she dropped you off?

I was thirteen days old. She never came back after her exams. She left me there in a Lagos slum with that family, and I grew up thinking I was one of them.

That鈥檚 so crazy. What was living with that family like?

I wasn鈥檛 treated with any kindness while I lived with them. One of their greatest offences is erasing my Igbo heritage. They changed my name from Ginika to Bolanle*, so I grew up thinking I was Yoruba and the last child of their family. I didn鈥檛 know my biological parents even existed. Another is how much they sedated me.

Sedated you? What do you mean?

My mother often came to visit the family. Each time she did, the matriarch would inject me with a sedative so I wouldn鈥檛 be awake during the visit. They made sure I never set eyes on my mum. I didn鈥檛 know anything about her. I thought I got so many injections because I was sick.

Omo. Did your grandparents or extended family try to come for you?

Yes, when I was still a baby. But the family taking care of me refused to let me go. The midwife claimed that I had health issues that needed to be closely monitored because of my mum鈥檚 abortion attempts. Eventually, they kept lying that I was with my mum or that I had travelled with a caretaker, so my grandparents gave up on taking me back.

Wow. How did your dad find out about you?

He reconnected with my mum on Facebook in 2013, two days after my 13th birthday. He was shocked to learn he had a daughter and insisted on speaking with me. My mum told him to reach out to the family I was staying with, and he did. It wasn鈥檛 easy.

Why was it difficult?

I don鈥檛 know why, but they were determined to keep me from knowing any family but theirs. It was a greedy uncle who finally got me on a phone call with my dad after taking a bribe.

What was that first connection with your dad like?

I was on top of the world. I finally had a dad, someone who would protect me if I asked. I told him how they barely fed me and didn鈥檛 let me go to school, and he promised to take me away from there. Ten days after he made that promise, he came to get me.

That must have been a relief.

At first, it was. But it was as if I went from being a house girl in one house to continuing in another. My dad was married and had my half-sister, whom I adore. I wasn’t enrolled in school. I spent my days cooking, cleaning, and taking care of his child. His wife made me call her mummy from day one, and when the baby I’d spent all my time caring for started calling me 鈥榤ama鈥�, she complained. It wasn鈥檛 ideal.

When did you finally meet your mum? 

I met her for the first time eighteen months after I met my dad. He said he couldn’t afford my school fees, and my mom offered to pay, but only if I moved in with her in Kwara. 

What was it like meeting her after all that time had passed?

It was surreal. I was excited to meet her, but also angry that she had abandoned me so easily. I found out that she had someone who wanted to marry and also had a son. 

What was it like living with her? 

She introduced me to her prospective husband as her sister’s daughter and warned me to call her “auntie” in front of him. He was kind at first, but when he eventually found out the truth that I was her daughter, he turned cold toward me. Their relationship ended shortly after that, and she blamed me.

Would you say things improved after your parents came back into your life?

Yes and no. It was great to have my own family members and identity, but they didn鈥檛 treat me much better than the family I grew up with. My education was placed on the back burner, and they used me as a free caretaker for my half-siblings. I had to do many things to make money for myself, and that took a toll on my mental health.

Like what?

I鈥檝e taken all sorts of gigs. I donated my eggs for 鈧�150k, which was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I鈥檝e travelled interstate to cook on the weekend for families for peanuts, all to keep body and soul together. In 2023, I decided to prioritise myself and my health.

Did you ever get to continue your education?

Someone offered to sponsor me through school while I was in Kwara, but my mum turned down the offer because she didn鈥檛 want me to parade myself as a poor child. I鈥檝e taken matters into my own hands now by saving up for a cybersecurity course.

What’s your relationship with your parents like today? 

Distant. I don鈥檛 speak to either of them anymore. I鈥檓 tired of being used as a housegirl or an emotional weapon. They鈥檝e shown with their actions that they only care for me when it鈥檚 convenient, and I don鈥檛 want that kind of inconsistency in my life.

Do you live with either of them?

No, I had to move out of my dad鈥檚 place in 2017 when his wife became increasingly abusive to me. Instead of defending me, my dad beat me to please his wife. I didn鈥檛 go back to my mum鈥檚 place because she claimed I loved my dad more than her, and that made us argue often. I live by myself in Ibadan now.

What does that look like for you right now? 

I’m figuring things out as I go. I want to travel, build a career, and see how far I can get on my own. 

How long has it been since you鈥檝e been in contact with your parents?

It鈥檚 been more than two years since I鈥檝e reached out to them. I speak with my half-siblings because I love them, but I don鈥檛 have anything to say to my parents.

Do you want children of your own someday? 

Honestly, no. I was made to take on a caretaker role too young, and I don’t want to repeat that. Maybe I’ll meet someone who changes my mind, but I’m not holding my breath.

Would you like for your kids to meet your parents? 

Absolutely not. If I have any children, they’re not meeting either of my parents. I want to build them a life without stress or the kind of inconsistencies I had to deal with growing up.

*Names have been changed to protect identities