For Sunken Ships, Tumi opens up about how they met, the intense gut feeling that predicted their end and how she dealt with the painful aftermath.

When did you first realise something was wrong in your relationship with Jacob?

The phone calls. I called him over and over, yet he kept hanging up. That was unusual. We always stayed on the phone until one of us fell asleep, so it was unlike him to avoid my calls. It was the first time it happened, yet that moment was all I needed to accept that something had changed.

Let鈥檚 go back to the beginning. How did you guys meet?

I met Jacob at a party through mutual friends in 2022. We weren鈥檛 close, but we got along whenever we saw each other. I鈥檇 always found him attractive. He was funny, handsome and confident.

The only problem was that he was always with someone, so I kept my crush to myself. Then,  in 2024, he messaged me out of the blue.

He wanted a mutual friend鈥檚 number, but after I shared it, we just kept talking. Before long, we were texting every day and becoming really close.

So, at what point did the relationship stop being platonic?

He started applying pressure. He鈥檇 text me first thing in the morning and call after work almost every day. I enjoyed the attention, but I didn鈥檛 want to read too much into it. 

Then, in August 2024, he admitted he had feelings for me.

Oh.

I told him I鈥檇 liked him for a long time too, but I never said anything because he鈥檇 always been in a relationship. He quickly assured me he was single and asked me to lunch that weekend. Of course, I happily agreed.

How did the date go?

It was everything I鈥檇 imagined it would be. We鈥檇 already built up such a strong rapport over calls and text that meeting in person felt effortless. Our lunch turned into dinner, and I almost didn鈥檛 want to leave at the end of the day.

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Cute. Was that when you became official?

No, but we kept talking every day, going on dates and spending every weekend together. By the end of September, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

What was your relationship like in the beginning?

It was great. He was attentive, and as usual, we spoke every single day. I only asked that we keep the relationship off social media, but everyone important in our lives knew we were dating. 

 About four months, things started to take a turn. One day, while hanging out with friends, someone asked after his ex. The way he froze made me uneasy. I shrugged it off at first, but soon after, he started acting differently.

What do you mean?

It felt like he鈥檇 deliberately put some distance between us. Whenever I asked what was wrong, he鈥檇 blame work stress, but I didn鈥檛 believe him.

My gut kept telling me something was off, and it was more than just work issues. So I decided to investigate. I searched for his ex on Instagram and noticed she鈥檇 posted photos from places Jacob had been recently. I told myself it was a coincidence, but the feeling only got stronger.

Did you talk to him?

No. I didn鈥檛 want to admit I鈥檇 been stalking his ex online. Instead, I tried to get us back to where we鈥檇 been by asking to spend more time together. But he became harder and harder to reach. 

One evening in January, I called him several times after work, but he kept hanging up. He ignored my messages, too.

When he finally responded, he said he鈥檇 been busy and went to bed early. I accepted his excuse, but I knew something was off. 

He became even more withdrawn, and by the end of January, he ended the relationship.

I鈥檓 sorry. Did he say why?

He blamed work and said he wasn鈥檛 giving me the attention I deserved, so he wanted to step back. 

I was hurt because I felt like I鈥檇 seen the breakup coming. Nothing, however, prepared me for Valentine鈥檚 Day.

What happened?

He posted a photo with his ex at a Valentine鈥檚 Day dinner. I couldn鈥檛 believe my eyes. I stared at it, hoping it was a throwback picture, but after asking around, I found out they鈥檇 gotten back together right after we broke up.

What hurt the most wasn鈥檛 even the photo. It was the caption. He wrote about how he鈥檇 spent all their time apart waiting for her and how nothing else mattered. Was I the 鈥榥othing else鈥�? 

I thought we had something real, but he was just using me to warm his girlfriend鈥檚 seat.

Did you confront him?

I did, and the annoying thing is how honest he was. Part of me almost wished he’d lied. He said he thought the relationship was over when we started dating and that he wanted to move on. But once his ex showed interest in trying again, he realised he still wanted her.

Those words hit my self-esteem like a gut punch. I felt disposable. I blocked both of them everywhere and tried to move on. I feel better now, but those first few days after the split were the roughest.

Could you ever be friends with Jacob again?

I鈥檝e forgiven him, but I don鈥檛 want him in my life anymore. A part of me is still angry because he could have left me alone instead of using me as a placeholder until his ex came back. I don鈥檛 wish him bad, but I want nothing to do with him again.

Has this experience changed how you approach dating?

Definitely. I鈥檝e become more wary of people, but I鈥檓 still trying to keep an open mind. 

I have a strict policy now, though. I don鈥檛 date anyone who has been out of a relationship for less than six months. I never want to be anyone鈥檚 rebound again.

Read Also: Sunken Ships: I Lost My Best Friend After Dating A Woman He Said I Could Have

Kachi* (28) had always been drawn to Favour* (26) since they were kids. Over the years, she became a constant presence in her life; checking in, walking her home, studying with her, buying her birthday gifts and making space for her, even when Favour rarely did the same.

But every unanswered message and one-sided effort forced her to confront a painful possibility: what if the friendship she cherished existed only in her head?  

For Sunken Ships, she shares how years of chasing validation from someone she admired slowly eroded her self-esteem and why walking away was the only way to find it again.

Tell me how you met.

We attended the same church as kids, but I didn鈥檛 become drawn to her until 2014, when her mum passed away. She鈥檇 battled an illness for a long time before she died.

I saw firsthand the toll it took on her family, and I wanted to be there for her. In between offering comfort and companionship, our bond started to grow.

What were the early days of your friendship like?

Even though grief had brought us close, things still moved at a slow pace; she spent most of the year at boarding school. I鈥檇 only see her during the holidays, but we always got along well. For some reason, I thought the feeling of friendship was mutual.

Anyway, we continued the holiday-period arrangement for some time until she graduated in 2016. By that time, she spent more time at home while she awaited admission into university. She joined the same church workers鈥� society as me, and after our meetings, I鈥檇 walk her home. If she missed a meeting, I鈥檇 drop by to check on her.

That鈥檚 sweet. So at what point did you first notice cracks?

The funny thing is, I never quite did. I thought we had a great friendship. She gave me every reason to believe that she valued our friendship.

I remember we also promised to exchange birthday gifts in 2016. I was working at the time, so I gave her money to make her hair and bought her a beautiful dress. Seeing how happy she was made me happy too. She promised she鈥檇 get me something special for my birthday. 

But she never kept that promise.

Oh.

I got nothing from her. Even worse,  she didn鈥檛 post me on her social media, which stung. I honestly can鈥檛 even remember getting a birthday message from her.

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Curious. Did she know it was your birthday?

Yes. She kept telling me to be patient because she hadn鈥檛 found the right gift yet. She made that promise over and over again, but nothing ever came.

Right. Why didn鈥檛 you walk away?

That should have been my first lesson in reciprocity, but I really liked her. She was a representation of the person I hoped to be, so I wasn鈥檛 ready to let go of the friendship. I suppressed my feelings and carried on as if nothing had happened.

So did things improve after that?

Not really. We started studying for JAMB together. After work, I鈥檇 go to her house so we could study and talk about everything we wanted to do when we got into university. 

Eventually, we got into different schools, and we were back to a long-distance arrangement.

This time around, I couldn鈥檛 ignore the cracks. I was always the one checking in. She started a business in school, and she鈥檇 only reply promptly when I wanted to patronise her. Otherwise, she鈥檇 leave my messages unanswered for days.

Did you ever bring it up?

I did, but she said balancing the business and school was tedious. But the funny thing was that the only time she鈥檇 reach out first was when she was coming back to Lagos for the holidays.

Even then, it started to feel like the friendship was one-sided. She constantly posted photos with her other friends, but never me. The only time she did was in 2018, and that was because we鈥檇 done a photoshoot together. Even though the friendship battered my self-esteem, I stayed in it.

Then a few years later, my father passed away. 

I鈥檓 sorry. Did she show up for you? 

It was one of the hardest periods of my life because I was away at school and couldn鈥檛 come home immediately. She sent me her condolences and promised to visit my mum, but she never did. Even after I returned home, she still didn鈥檛 visit.

 Despite that, I still refused to accept that the friendship was one-sided. I loved looking at her WhatsApp status, but eventually, she stopped responding altogether.

So when did you decide you鈥檇 had enough?

There wasn鈥檛 a big incident or fight. I just started working on my self-esteem, and I realised I didn鈥檛 have to accept scraps of friendship. 

My fianc茅, whom I thank God for, really helped me see myself differently. He constantly reminded me that I was worthy of friendships where the effort was mutual. That was the motivation I needed to cut her off.

And did you have any regrets afterwards?

Honestly, I expected to be heartbroken. Instead, I felt relieved. I felt free.

Till this point, I don鈥檛 even know if she鈥檚 aware that I鈥檝e cut her off, but I don鈥檛 care. 

Fair enough. If she reached out today, would you give the friendship another chance??

No. I think I gave her more than enough time to pour into our friendship. That time has now passed. I don鈥檛 wish her evil, but I no longer want her in my life.

Ibrahim*(32) was more than a friend to Deji*(31), he was a brother. They met as university students, bonded over their love for football, and spent years navigating adulthood together.

For Sunken Ships, Deji shares how that brotherhood slowly fell apart after he fell for a woman Ibrahim once wanted. 

Let鈥檚 start at the beginning. 

I met Ibrahim at a football viewing centre at our university. We kept running into each other during the 2017 Premier League season. One day, we got talking and found out we were both die-hard Manchester United supporters. That was how our friendship started. 

What were the early days of your friendship like?

Fantastic. Ibrahim quickly became my closest friend. We talked every day and shared everything: family issues, money problems, relationships, and career plans. He鈥檚 a year older than me and always seemed to have life figured out. I looked up to him like an older brother. Whenever something important happened in my life, he was the first person I called. 

 I can never forget an event that happened during my final year in 2018.  I lost a chunk of my school fees to gambling, and got desperate as the payment deadline got closer.  Eventually, I opened up to Ibrahim. He scolded me but also helped me raise the money, and made me promise to quit gambling. That moment deepened our bond even more.

Sounds nice.

Yes, I鈥檒l always be grateful to him for that. It made me feel like I could count on him no matter what. 

Even after school, we stayed close. In 2021, when I wanted to leave my family home, Ibrahim suggested we rent a two-bedroom flat together in a building his grandmother owned. The rent was cheaper, so it made sense.

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Right. And what was living together like?

At first, it was great. We split chores, paid bills on time and spent most evenings watching football together. Ibrahim also loved hosting game nights, so there was always something happening. It felt like living with a brother. 

The only area where we really differed was dating.

What do you mean?

Ibrahim believed money was the quickest way to a woman’s heart. He鈥檚 a data analyst and earns well, so he never hesitated to spend on the women he liked. I’m the opposite. I don’t earn as much as he does, so I rely more on conversation and personality. 

Right. Did this difference ever become a problem?

We joked about our different approaches, but it was never a serious issue.

Oh. 

Then in 2024, Ibrahim told me about a woman he’d met online.  He really liked her, but from what he told me, she wasn’t very receptive.

At the time, I didn’t think it was anything serious. He talked about her often and seemed disappointed that things weren’t progressing. Eventually, he stopped mentioning her, so I assumed he鈥檇 moved on. 

Then, in early 2025, I met the same woman through a mutual friend, and we started talking. Once I realised who she was, I knew I needed to talk to Ibrahim before pursuing anything.

How did that conversation go?

I told him I liked her and asked if he’d be uncomfortable with me pursuing a relationship with her since things between them hadn’t worked out. He said there was no problem, and I completely believed him.

If he’d told me he wasn’t comfortable, I would’ve backed off, but he seemed calm about it and gave his blessings.

So what changed after you started dating the woman in question??

Everything.  He became distant. We stopped doing things together, not the game nights or the football matches. Whenever I tried to make conversation, he’d shut it down with one-word responses.

Must have been tough.

The worst part was how he treated my girlfriend whenever she visited. He never greeted her, never spoke to her and acted like she wasn’t there.

She asked me a few times if she’d offended Ibrahim, but I kept telling her not to worry.

Did you try talking to him about it?

I did, but he insisted everything was fine and claimed he was busy with work. Still, his behaviour stayed the same. Then, in September 2025, he finally came clean.

He told me our living arrangement wasn鈥檛 working anymore and said I needed to move out. At first, I thought he was joking, but once I realised he wasn鈥檛, the shock and hurt hit me.

I was confused by the whole situation because I’d specifically asked for his blessing before pursuing the babe.

Right. Did you remind him?

Of course. That鈥檚 when he admitted that he only agreed because he didn’t want to seem selfish. That was the first honest thing he鈥檇 said about the situation.

But I continued looking for a new place anyway because he didn鈥檛 rescind his decision. He still wanted me out. The whole period between finding a new place and still sharing the apartment with him was miserable. We went days without speaking. It felt like I was living with a stranger. 

Eventually, I found a place in April 2026. It felt sad to leave because I鈥檇 spent years building that relationship. But it is what it is. I鈥檓 still with my babe, and the relationship is thriving.

Do you ever wonder if the relationship was worth losing Ibrahim over?

Sometimes. I don鈥檛 regret my relationship. I just wish I’d found a way to keep both. 

Do you think you’d reconcile if Ibrahim reached out?

It wouldn鈥檛 be easy, but I’d still try. A part of me hopes we’ll speak again someday.

Growing up, Morenikeji* (29) adored her older brother, Ayo* (33). He was smart, responsible and constantly held up as the example to follow. 

Then, in December 2025, one conversation changed everything.

For Sunken Ships, she shares how a political disagreement shattered the respect she鈥檇 spent a lifetime building with her brother, and why he now feels like a stranger.

What was your relationship with your brother like growing up?

It was great. He鈥檚 the oldest, so my younger brother and I always looked up to him. 

He was the best of us academically, and my parents constantly used him as the standard we should aspire to. Beyond being my older brother, I genuinely liked him as a person.

What made you two so close? 

We鈥檙e similar and share a love for music, movies and the arts. There was nothing I couldn鈥檛 talk to him about. We’d discuss work, relationships, family issues and our plans for the future. If I were ever in trouble, he would be the first person I鈥檇 reach out to for help. Ayo was one of the few people whose opinion I genuinely valued. 

Did you ever disagree with him?

Of course. We fought as most siblings do, but it was never serious. 

But our most recent disagreement is the worst we鈥檝e ever had. And honestly, I don鈥檛 know if we鈥檒l recover from it.

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What happened?

We fell out over our political differences. I know it sounds strange that something like that could upturn the bond we share as siblings, but that鈥檚 just how I feel.

 I didn鈥檛 vote in the 2023 elections because I simply didn鈥檛 care.

Since then, I鈥檝e learnt my lessons. Nigeria has shown me proper shege, and I鈥檝e been forced to become more politically conscious. I鈥檝e encouraged the people around me to care, too, and I鈥檝e reached a point where most of them share my concerns and frustrations.

I鈥檇 naturally assumed my brother would follow suit. I couldn鈥檛 have been more wrong.  

What do you mean?

My biggest gripe is his support of the APC. After I developed an interest in politics, I aligned myself with a party that actually cares about effecting change. And I encouraged my family and friends to support the same party. 

But not my brother. Not only was he hell-bent on keeping his support for a party that鈥檚 gotten us to our current state, but he also took glee in defending some of the worst tribalist takes imaginable. 

Doesn’t he have the right to his own political choice, or did you at least ask his reasons?

I did. We were both home for Christmas in December 2025, so I pulled him aside to talk.

I couldn鈥檛 reconcile the brother I鈥檇 admired all my life with someone willing to support people I believe are dishonest. Then he explained himself.  He said he didn鈥檛 want to antagonise powerful people he hoped to connect with someday.

What did you think of his reason?

The explanation made absolutely no sense, and it completely changed how I saw him. I鈥檇 always held him in high regard, yet, in that moment, I realised he was willing to overlook everything the party represents as long as he benefited. 

I lost all respect for him that day.

Yikes. Did you express your disappointment, though?

In a way, I did. I tried to change his mind. I supported my argument against the party with examples of just how bad things have gotten in the country. But the more we argued, the more things escalated. 

I tagged him disappointing and greedy. He called me naive and foolish, especially for thinking my 鈥榖ig English鈥� could change reality. 

And that was when I landed the final blow. I regret my actions, but it was necessary.

What did you do?

He鈥檚 always been insecure about his financial situation. He has a job, but the economy hasn鈥檛 been kind to him, just like the rest of us. So I told him that his continued support for the party wouldn鈥檛 guarantee his success in life or make him rich. I saw the hurt spread across his face immediately. Part of me wishes I hadn鈥檛 said those words.  

Did you try to apologise?

Not in that moment, I didn鈥檛 feel the need to. But every time I replay the scenario, I wish I could cut that part out.

And how have things been since then?

We鈥檝e barely spoken. I avoid him because I don鈥檛 trust myself not to say something worse.

I even unfollowed him everywhere because seeing him defend that party online only makes me angrier. Our relationship has changed for the worse.

What does the rest of your family think of this?

They all insist I鈥檓 overreacting. My parents especially keep saying politics shouldn鈥檛 come between family. But that鈥檚 not how I see it. 

To me, this isn鈥檛 just about politics. It鈥檚 about values. I鈥檓 scared of what my brother would do if he ever had access to real power.  

Has he reached out to you since your fight?

No. And I haven鈥檛 reached out either. Right now, the distance between us is for the best.

 I don鈥檛 see a future where things return to how they used to be, unless there鈥檚 a fundamental change. I鈥檓 too disappointed by what he stands for.  

What鈥檚 the hardest part about this fight with your brother?

Missing him. Ayo isn鈥檛 just my brother; we used to be friends. I wish we were still on the same page.

Joy* (28) used to be best friends with her older sister, Moje* (30), until Moje started dating Fola*. 

For Sunken Ships, Joy opens up about watching her sister shrink under a controlling relationship, how her attempt at an intervention backfired, and the distance that has followed since.

What was growing up with your sister like?

Moje and I are two years apart, and growing up, she was my best friend and role model. I admired her so much, and I wanted to be exactly like her.

What was your relationship like as adults?

We remained close. We talked almost every day. If anything happened, she was the first person I’d call. I used to spend weekends at her place and we always made time to hang out with our mutual friends. Now I second-guess whether to even text her. 

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What changed?

She started dating a guy named Fola* in 2024. She met him through a mutual friend, and at first, she wouldn’t stop talking about him. I met him a few times after they got together, and he seemed sweet. He called her often and showered her with affection. I remember telling my sister he seemed serious about her.

When did things start to feel off?

At first, it was very small things. She started spending a lot of time at his place, and we didn鈥檛 get to see each other often. Then it became her not wanting to go out with her friends unless she checked with him first. I thought maybe she was just being a considerate girlfriend, but it kept escalating, and I started to worry.

Can you give me an example?

In April 2025, our cousin was getting married in Ondo. Moje and I had bought our outfits and were supposed to travel together. Two days before, she called to say she wasn’t coming anymore. When I asked why, she said Fola felt the wedding 鈥渨asn’t necessary for her to attend鈥�. I thought it was ridiculous.

Did you say anything to her at the time?

No, I only made a joke about him hiding her from her family. She laughed it off and said I was exaggerating. But it kept happening. She missed countless hangouts with her other friends and me. We鈥檇 be expecting her, and she鈥檇 cancel at the last minute. The worst part was that every excuse she gave had to do with Fola or an opinion he had about the outing.

Did anything else make you feel concerned?

Yes. The longer the relationship went on, the more her decisions revolved around whether Fola would like them and what he thought. She even changed the way she dressed because Fola preferred a different look.

What finally pushed you to talk to her about it?

I was at her place one weekend, and we were gisting about her relationship. Then she confided in me that she and Fola had a big argument. When she described their argument, she mentioned that he had yelled at her and punched a wall before storming out, which I saw as a huge red flag. She tried to downplay it as a one-off, and I decided to talk to her about all my concerns.

How did that conversation go?

Honestly, I was a bit harsh at first. I told her bluntly that her relationship was getting too controlling and that I didn’t like how obsessed she’d become with Fola鈥檚 approval. I reminded her of how she used to travel and go out whenever she wanted. I told her that Fola might be manipulating her.

How did she react?

She got defensive immediately. She said I didn’t understand their relationship, and I was only seeing the bad parts and not the good ones. She said that every relationship has its issues. Then it turned into her accusing me of never liking anyone she dated. She also called me jealous because I’m single, and that one stung.

Ah. What happened after that?

I talked about it with our cousin, who advised me to apologise to her because she鈥檚 the older sibling. So two days later, I called to apologise.

Did she accept your apology?

No, she told me to stay out of her business if I couldn’t support her relationship. Since then, our calls have gone from every other day to maybe once every couple of weeks. Even those calls feel stiff, like we’re walking on eggshells around each other.

Has anyone in your family noticed the rift between you?

My mum has goten suspicious, but doesn’t know the full story. I haven’t told her about Fola鈥檚 fight with Moje because it’s not really my place to share, and I think she would feel betrayed if she found out I told our mum behind her back.聽

Where do things stand between you right now?

We’re cordial but distant. She doesn鈥檛 tell me any details about her relationship with Fola anymore, and she comes to even fewer hangouts. The few times we see each other, I try to hide my emotions when Fola’s name pops up. I hate that he has come between us. Sometimes I catch myself wishing they’d break up, and then I feel guilty because she’s my sister and I want her to be happy. 

If you could say something to her, what would it be?

That I’m not trying to control who she loves, I just want her to see how she鈥檚 being isolated by this person. I just want my sister back.

Do you think you and Moje will regain your previous closeness?

I hope so. I miss my sister, and I feel so helpless. It feels like she鈥檚 disappearing into this relationship, and I don鈥檛 know how to reach her. I can only pray she knows that I鈥檒l always have her best interests at heart.

When Ada* (22)聽 came out to Susan* (22) in University, she became the first person to make her feel safe. But as Ada grew more comfortable with her sexuality and found community among other queer women, she noticed Susan pulling away.聽

For Sunken Ships, Ada shares how she lost a precious friendship because the person who once accepted her unconditionally became uncomfortable with being associated with her. 

What made you realise your friendship with Susan was going downhill?

I noticed that when we went out, she never posted pictures of us or our outing, but she did that for all her other friends.

Let鈥檚 head back to the beginning. How did you meet?

I met Susan in 2021 at a canteen at our university. A mutual friend introduced us, and we clicked almost immediately. We swapped contacts and started texting on WhatsApp. Within months, we were inseparable and remained so for the next three years.

What were the early years of your friendship with her like?

It was amazing. Our friendship quickly became a sisterhood. She was the first person I called when anything happened, good or bad. We spoke or texted each other every day. She was also the first person I trusted enough to see the parts of myself I was hiding from the world.

What parts of yourself were you hiding?

I鈥檓 a lesbian. I鈥檓 comfortable with my identity now, but back then I wasn鈥檛. Not even to myself at first. I grew up in a conservative Christian home, so even entertaining the possibility felt terrifying. Susan is straight, but she was the only person I felt safe enough to talk to about the complex feelings my sexuality gave rise to. 

How did she react when you told her about your queerness?

She didn鈥檛 even flinch or do anything dramatic. She treated my coming out like it was just another regular day. It lifted a huge weight from my heart that I didn鈥檛 even know was there. For years, she was my safe space. 

At what point did you start accepting your sexuality?

After university. We both moved to Lagos for our service year in 2025. There, I started meeting other queer women for the first time. It felt like somebody had finally switched on a light. I made new friends, started going to events, and I even experienced my first relationship with a woman. In all this, Susan was by my side, and I told her everything.

How did Susan fit into this new phase of your life?

At first, I thought she was happy for me. Whenever I told her about a date or a new friend, she’d smile and listen. But after a while, I noticed she never asked follow-up questions, she鈥檇 just change the topic. Then I started noticing other things.

Like what?

Whenever she went out with her friends, she always posted photos of their outing and them together, but she never posted us, even though we saw each other multiple times a week. It became obvious to me that something had changed.

Did you ever ask her about it?

Yes, many times. Every single time, she’d tell me I was imagining things. She’d say she didn鈥檛 post photos of me because she forgot or was busy. I accepted her explanations because ultimately, she was my closest friend.

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Was there a particular moment that made you realise the friendship was in trouble?

Yes. I invited Susan and a bunch of my other friends to my birthday dinner in 2025. Most of the guests were queer because those were the people I spent the most time with. Then, halfway through dinner, before we even cut the cake, Susan begged to leave, saying she had an emergency. It was very odd.

What happened next?

I called her the next day to ask if she was okay, since her behaviour the previous night had been unusual. What she said shocked me.

Tell me what she said.

She said she’d spent the entire evening feeling like an outsider. I apologised immediately because I thought I’d somehow excluded her. Then she said something that completely threw me off. She said I was getting wrapped up in 鈥渢hat lifestyle鈥�.

What did she mean by that?

According to her, hanging out with queer people all the time was giving me a bad reputation in our old school groups. More and more people were clocking my queerness, and it was making her uncomfortable. She confessed that was why she hadn鈥檛 been posting photos of me. To avoid rumours that something was going on between us.

How did that make you feel?

It hurt. Especially because she was the first person I was ever comfortable being myself with. I didn’t know how to explain that becoming my true self wasn’t something I could undo to make her feel more comfortable.

What happened after that conversation?

That conversation revealed a gap in our closeness. We tried to continue our friendship, but the distance between us kept growing. First, we stopped hanging out as much and started talking less and less. Then, over a few months, we just stopped talking altogether.

Did either of you officially end the friendship?

No. That’s the saddest part for me. I miss our friendship terribly, but we鈥檙e on different paths now.

Have you spoken to her since the end of the friendship?

Yes, but only once in a while. It’s cordial. We check in on birthdays and holidays, but the intimacy is gone. We don’t know each other’s daily lives anymore, and every conversation reminds me of what we used to share. 

How do you feel about her now?

I still love her, and I miss our friendship. She was my best friend during some of the hardest and most confusing years of my life. But I think she loves a version of me that no longer exists, and I had to choose between keeping that version alive for her or becoming myself. I chose myself.

Would you be open to reconciliation if she said she was interested?

No. I don鈥檛 know if she has let go of her fear of what others think of our friendship. Losing her hurt, and I don鈥檛 want to go through that again.

Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

When Esther* (24) lost her mum, the loneliness that followed felt unbearable. Desperate for companionship, she found comfort in Ire* (24), who quickly became her emotional anchor during one of the darkest periods of her life. But what started as a source of healing soon turned into a relationship marked by disrespect, betrayal and heartbreak. 

For Sunken Ships, Esther shares how she and Ire鈥檚 story began, why she forgave him the first time and the moment that spelt the end of their relationship.

How did you and Ire meet?

We started talking on Facebook in May 2023, and quickly became regular text buddies. He attended the same university as I did, but he was away for his IT year. Soon, we were talking every day and became really close before we agreed to meet in August.

What drew you to him?

He was always there when I needed it. We talked constantly, and he became my companion during a really dark period. At the time, that meant everything to me.

What was giving you a tough time?

My mum, who was my best friend, passed away in March 2023, and it was rough for me. The loneliness was almost unbearable. I felt like everyone had moved on and abandoned me after the funeral. Meeting Ire became a breath of fresh air. His consistency meant a lot to me.

That鈥檚 great. What happened when he returned to school?

We spent almost every day together throughout August and began dating. I was genuinely happy. For the first time since my mum died, I didn’t feel lonely all the time.聽

So what changed?

I became attached to him. I always wanted to be around him, and he started complaining about it. He’d compare me to other girls and tell me I needed to give him space so he could miss me.

Wow. How did that make you feel?

It hurt. Ire was one of the few people I felt safe with. After losing my mum, I’d become used to relying on him emotionally. So when he started pulling away, it felt like I was losing someone important all over again. 

I鈥檓 so sorry. What did you do after that?

I didn鈥檛 want to let him go. So even though he got more and more rude and dismissive of my feelings, I stayed with him, hoping things would get better.

Did they?

Not at all.

Can you give me an instance?

In September 2023, I visited him, and after a while, he rudely told me to go back to my place. When I left, I forgot my keys at his place and had to go back to get them. When I got there, I caught him having sex with someone else.

That鈥檚 awful! What did he say?

Nothing, he just begged me. I should have left him then, but I had the mentality that all men cheat anyway, so I took him back and hoped he wouldn鈥檛 hurt me again. I think I was just scared of being alone again. Until the last straw, I was determined to stand by him.

Tell me about that.

It only took a month for him to send me over the edge. For context, his neighbour had a female friend, Sade*, who stayed over often. After a while, I noticed Ire was spending more and more time with her. When Sade came around, Ire would cut my visits short and send me back home.

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Did you ever confront him about it? 

No. It didn鈥檛 sit right with me, but I still took it in stride because of how much I cared about him. On one of my visits in November that year, he told me he wanted to step out to get something nearby, but he didn鈥檛 come back for over an hour. I was worried and went to check for him, only to find he was at the neighbour鈥檚 place.

What did you do when you found out?

I was so upset, I left without saying anything to him. At home, I felt guilty for leaving abruptly so around 10:00 PM that night, I decided to go back to his place so we could talk things out. What I met there shocked me.

What did you find?

Ire opened the door, and behind him was Sade wearing nothing but lingerie. I ignored her and told Ire I wanted to talk, but he said that wasn鈥檛 possible and that I had to leave because Sade was spending the night with him.

Ah. How did you react to that?

I was dumbfounded. I asked him if he was choosing her over me, and he said yes. He told me to go home like I meant nothing to him.

Whoa. That鈥檚 so wicked.

I was too hurt to even go back home immediately. I sat outside his place for a few minutes and heard them laughing together through the door.

What did you do after you left?

That incident shook me. I blocked him everywhere that night. The next day, he came begging as usual, but I shut him out completely. I want nothing to do with him ever again.

I鈥檓 glad. Has this experience affected how you approach relationships?

Yes, I鈥檝e been single since I left Ire. I have learned to put myself first, and I’m not interested in romance right now. I shouldn’t lose myself trying to keep someone who doesn’t value me.

Tayo*(30) and Tunde* (29) were more than friends; they were brothers. So when Tunde asked for a big favour during a family emergency, Tayo didn’t hesitate to help. 

For Sunken Ships, he shares how that decision unravelled a seven-year friendship and changed the way he thinks about favours forever. 

How did you meet?

We met in our first year at university in 2015. We lived in the same hostel and became close friends after bonding over our shared love for football. 

What was your friendship with him like?

I saw Tunde as a brother. We were so close that I鈥檇 spend holidays with his family in Ibadan instead of going home. If we wanted to hang out in Lagos instead, he鈥檇 stay with my family. He was truly my best friend.

Did you remain close after you graduated?

Yes. After we graduated, we both moved to Lagos for work. We didn’t see each other as much as we used to, but we still spoke every week. 

So what changed?

In 2022, Tunde called me one evening, sounding stressed. He said his mother was ill and needed treatment urgently.

Oh no.

Exactly. He said he needed 鈧�850,000 and asked if I could lend him 鈧�500K. At the time, I only had a little more than that in my savings, but this was my guy. We’d been friends for seven years, and his mum was also very kind to me when I stayed with them. I didn’t even think twice, I sent him 鈧�700K.

That鈥檚 so kind. Did he say when he would pay back?

Yes. He said he’d return it within three months because he was expecting money from a contract, but after the time had passed, he didn鈥檛 mention the money.

Did that upset you?

No, I wasn鈥檛 upset. I know how exhausting it can be to pay hospital bills. It was almost all the money I had saved up, but I didn鈥檛 need it right then, so I didn鈥檛 pester him for the money. But after six months, I noticed something.

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What was that?

This guy was posting a lavish lifestyle on Instagram. Weekend trips with his babe, new clothes and more. Every time I viewed his stories or statuses, he was always out and about, spending money. 

Ah.

Meanwhile, every time I mentioned him paying me back, he’d suddenly become the poorest man in Nigeria. The excuses just kept coming. If his car wasn鈥檛 having issues, it was that he had to send his sister money for an emergency.

Did you confront him?

I did, and he got immediately defensive. He told me I was counting his pockets and that just because he posted pictures or videos online didn’t mean he had money. He said he only posted them because he works in the entertainment industry and his social media had to be on point.

Omo.

It got worse. A mutual friend got married in March 2023, and we both attended. During the reception, Tunde was spraying bundles of money without a care in the world. I nearly lost my mind.

Did you bring up the debt there?

No, but I called him the next day and asked why he hadn鈥檛 paid me back yet, and he said I was disrespecting him and making him feel small.

What happened after that?

He started responding to my messages with one-word replies and avoided my calls. I got tired of trying to reach him and let things be.

Wow. Did he pay you back at all?

He sent 鈧�100k to me a week after the wedding with no explanation or message. Even after I texted to let him know I saw the money, he didn鈥檛 respond. That鈥檚 the last time we鈥檝e communicated.

That鈥檚 wild.

It is. I heard from a mutual friend that Tunde said he felt embarrassed and thought I cared more about the money than our friendship.

What do you think about that?

I think that’s nonsense. If I cared more about the money than the friendship, I wouldn’t have lent it to him in the first place. I had plans for that money, but I chose to help him because I cared about him so much.

Do you miss him?

Sometimes, I do. It鈥檚 been over three years now, and it鈥檚 still crazy to me that we鈥檙e no longer close because of money. I don鈥檛 have anyone else who was as close to me as Tunde was.

Would you reconcile if he reached out?

Maybe. Only after he sends the remaining 鈧�600,000 he owes. Then we can talk.

Has this affected your other friendships in any way?

Yes. Now, I still help my friends when I can, but when it comes to money, I鈥檓 strict. I only loan money I can give away without stressing. 

Dami* (31) thought she was finally giving love another chance after three years of being single when she met Dare*(32) on Bumble. But what started as a hopeful relationship quickly turned into a cycle of financial struggle, manipulation and emotional exhaustion. 

For Sunken Ships, she shares why she ignored the red flags, what it was like dating a manipulator, and the moment she realised she couldn鈥檛 build a future with him. 

How did you meet?

We met on Bumble early in 2024. We talked briefly, and when I told him I was deleting the app soon, he asked for my number. I obliged.

Why did you give him your number?

I鈥檇 been single for almost 3 years at that point, and I wanted to see if he was worth my time, while he wanted to know my values and interests. Chatting with him was a good way to answer the questions we both had.

Was this when you realised you had feelings for him?

No. I didn鈥檛 develop any feelings for him until after we started dating. My friends convinced me to give him a chance because they鈥檇 been trying to get me back into the dating pool since the end of my past relationship.

When did you start dating?

We started dating at the end of February 2024. He unexpectedly came through for me by helping me pay off an urgent loan when I needed it, which solidified my decision to give our relationship a shot.

What were the early days of your relationship like?

They were a mix of good times and shege. Dare was a freelance photographer with an inconsistent income. We basically moved in together and were squatting wherever we could find.

Ah. Why?

I had a female muslim cousin sharing my room with me, so he couldn鈥檛 move in with me. He didn鈥檛 have a stable income to afford rent, so we sometimes had to share with other people.

Okay. Did you notice any red flags at the start of your relationship?

Looking back, I noticed so many, and I beat myself up for ignoring them. His lack of a job, his random jealousy, his lies, and many more red flags were obvious from the start, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance.

When did the problems in the relationship become difficult to ignore?

Our issues became glaring when we moved to Ibadan together in May 2024.

Tell me about that.

An older female friend of mine got Dare a job and allowed us to squat in her house while we saved up for our own rent. It was inconvenient, but we didn鈥檛 have a choice. My biggest issue was how Dare would constantly complain about how stressful our situation was.

It must have been discouraging.

It was so discouraging. I told him to start sleeping at work to help us save rent a little faster, but his complaints got worse. He said the stress was overwhelming and constantly complained about the mosquitoes as if I was having a better time. 

What were you doing?

I was a freelance writer constantly hunting gigs, but my income was more stable than his.

Did you try to speak to him about his behaviour?

Yes, I even asked our host to speak to him, but he didn鈥檛 improve. He would get so upset that he would punch the walls. Our host had to threaten him before he stopped.

Whoa. That鈥檚 wild. What happened next?

In November, an old boss invited me to lunch at the eatery where Dare worked. When I told him, he flared up and said his coworkers would think my old boss was my sugar daddy.

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That鈥檚 a reach.

Even wilder, he proceeded to ignore me for three days after the lunch.

Ah. What did you do when he ignored you?

I broke up with him as soon as I realised he was trying to mess with my head. I also stopped squatting with him and moved back to stay with my cousin.

How did he react?

He begged me to change my mind. In fact, he begged me with gifts and words until April 2025. When I finally agreed to give him another chance.

How did your second go at a relationship with him go?

It was just as bad as the first time. I was on edge the entire relationship, afraid of what nonsense he would send my way. We were always arguing over one thing or another.

What was the final straw for you?

When we got back together, he was talking about wanting to marry me and have kids with me. Then he suddenly changed his mind.

Do you know why?

He told me one of his coworkers鈥� marriages ended suddenly when his wife walked out on him, and that gave him cold feet. 

Aw, that鈥檚 sad.

I wouldn鈥檛 have been that upset if he hadn鈥檛 begun pushing for us to start having kids out of wedlock with no stable income or housing. 

Ah, that鈥檚 a crazy ask.

Exactly. That鈥檚 when I realised he wasn鈥檛 the one for me. In October 2025, I ended things permanently. I couldn鈥檛 continue pretending that we could work out.

How did he take the split?

He went silent on me. When we first broke up, I would send him job applications I thought would be a good fit for him, but he didn鈥檛 even thank me or reach out to me on my birthday. I stopped sharing them after that.

Do you miss him?

No, I wish we had broken up sooner. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Would you be open to reconciliation if he reached out to you again?

I don鈥檛 even want to see him again, let alone date him. Let everybody be in their own corner, please.

Ope* (29) and Funmi* met as young Nigerians navigating life in South Africa and quickly became each other’s chosen family until a man came between them.

For Sunken Ships, Ope shares how she became stuck in a love triangle with her best friend, how it eroded their bond and how she鈥檚 coping with the aftermath.

How did your friendship with Funmi begin?

We met at a church program in Cape Town in 2017, but we didn鈥檛 become close friends until 2018. We hit it off when I sent my well-wishes for her mum鈥檚 birthday that year. She invited me to spend the Christmas holidays with her family in Durban, and the rest was history.  We became close from then on.

How close are we talking?

So close that her parents became my South African family. I didn’t usually go home to Nigeria for Christmas because of the costs, so spending Christmas with her family became my new tradition. I was there for three Christmases in a row. Her mum loved me, her sisters knew me, and everyone knew we were close.

How would you describe your friendship with her?

It was rocky, but deep. She was my first call for everything. Even though we had minor disagreements from time to time, I saw her as my best friend.

So what changed?

I started seeing a boy called Emeka*, and that became the beginning of the end.

Tell me about him.

I first met him in August 2018 at a church programme. We got talking, but I was in a relationship at the time, so when he asked me out, I said no and left it at that. Later, I mentioned him to Funmi in passing, and she mentioned she knew of him. 

What did she say?

Their parents were Nigerian pastors who’d been in South Africa for years, and they were close family friends. They’d basically grown up in the same church circles.

Did you notice any red flags when you told her about him?

Honestly? No. I was with someone else. I told her about him the way I’d tell her about any fine man I’d met. I wasn’t pressed at all.

What happened afterwards?

I broke up with my ex in April 2019. Funmi was my go-to person, so I told her. She told Emeka I was single, and the next thing I knew, he was texting me, offering himself as a shoulder to lean on. He was away in Nigeria for his IT year, but we became very close over the phone. I was emotionally vulnerable after my break-up, and he became a safe space for my feelings.

How did things progress between you two?

By August 2019, he was back in South Africa, and we actually met up. I went to Johannesburg to see him, and he came to my city, Pretoria, the following weekend. 

How was that like?

It was amazing. I thought I was really into him at that point and thought I had truly found my person.

So what changed?

In September, Funmi sent me a message to congratulate her and Emeka on spending six blissful months together.

Ah! 

I was so shocked, I couldn鈥檛 believe my eyes. This meant they’d been dating since February. The whole time he was calling me for hours, talking about his feelings, and visiting me, he was in a relationship with my best friend. 

Funmi never mentioned him?

No. She never talked about him. I told her when we were talking, but I never mentioned we were getting emotionally involved. 

Did you ask her why she didn’t tell you?

Yes. Apparently, Emeka told her to keep their relationship lowkey, so she didn鈥檛 tell anyone except their parents. That hurt me because I felt she didn鈥檛 include me on purpose.

Did you tell her about what went down between you and her man?

I struggled with it for a bit, but I knew I couldn鈥檛 let someone I love be with an untrustworthy person. I summoned the courage and told her everything.

What did Funmi say after she found out?

She was also shocked that Emeka had been sneaking around behind her back with me. She said she was going to break things off because she didn鈥檛 want to choose between him and me. It was painful, but I felt we鈥檇 get through it together.

Okay. What happened after that?

She called me back the next day and said she’d realised she loved him too much to break up with him, but she hoped we could all just move forward and leave what had happened behind.

Omo. What did you do?

I was taken aback, but I agreed and promised to be civil with Emeka. Somehow, he used that as an avenue to keep 鈥渃hecking in on鈥� me. I was so emotionally attached to him that I entertained his attentions. I’ll admit that a part of me was hoping he would eventually choose me. Or that Funmi would leave him so he鈥檇 be free to date me. 

Wow. So what finally snapped you out of it?

I went to her family’s house in Durban for Christmas in 2019 because it was our tradition, and she’d insisted things were fine between us. But it was awkward because Emeka was there between us. He would call her often during the day, and I would hear them on the phone together. It made me so jealous and a little crazy.

What did you do?

This is where I admit my own fault. I don鈥檛 know what came over me, but I texted him and told him I still had feelings for him. And that I was willing to wait for him to choose me. He took a screenshot of the message and sent it to Funmi.

Omo! While you were in her house?

Yes, o. It was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. When she showed me his message, I couldn鈥檛 speak. It was as if the scales fell from my eyes, and all the love I felt towards Emeka turned into hate and disgust. I was angry at him for showing her, but mostly at myself for even being in that situation.

What happened next?

Emeka called and told me I had never stood my ground with him, or  sent him off. That there was never a time I actually said, “We can’t do this.” I hate that he was right, but he was. Funmi said she forgave me. I thanked her for the forgiveness and went home as soon as my flight allowed.

Did you two try to repair things?

We tried. She came to Pretoria later in 2020, and we hung out, but it was the same as before. Then the pandemic kept everyone in their own corner, so there was some relief in that.

What about her relationship with Emeka?

Around April 2020, Funmi called me to say Emeka had broken up with her in February, having fallen for someone else. A mutual friend of ours. It drove her into a depression. I felt sorry for her, but I also felt this terrible helplessness because I had cut off my friendship with her specifically so she could have a clean relationship with this man, and he left anyway. 

What was your friendship with Funmi like after this?

We became distant, but we still spoke once in a while. I even asked her to be my chief bridesmaid when I got married in 2022. The wedding was in Nigeria, but she didn鈥檛 come because her parents said Nigeria was too unsafe. 

I see. What was your final straw?

When Funmi chose to stay with Emeka rather than leave him, I lost some of the respect I had for her. But the final straw came when Funmi was getting married.

Tell me about that.

I received a general invitation in March 2023. No ask to be a bridesmaid, no ” I want you involved.” I waited because I thought she would ask me to be a bridesmaid. She never did

Oh wow. Did this hurt?

It was painful because when we were still close, we had promised to serve on each other鈥檚 bridal trains. I really wanted to support her when she finally found love. By August, when she still didn鈥檛 ask, I had to make a decision. Was I going to spend over $2,000 dollars on flights and accommodation just to sit in a hall at a wedding where I clearly wasn鈥檛 her friend anymore?

Did you bring it up with her?

I didn’t. I just quietly told her I wouldn’t be able to make it.

What hurt most about this wedding saga?

Aside from excluding me from the fanfare, I found out that she had become close with someone who we both knew disliked me, Rhema*. She even went so far as to make her the chief bridesmaid. That was when I knew that our friendship was over.

What did you do when you found out?

I unfollowed her and deleted her contact. She texted me once she noticed, with a casual “Hey, how are you?” I didn’t reply.

Do you think you would ever reconcile?

No. And not just because she picked both Emeka and Rhema over me. I thought about our friendship for a long time, and realised that even without Emeka, it was probably always going to collapse. If it wasn’t her parents controlling her, it was whoever she was dating, or whoever she’d made her new best friend. I realised Funmi often became whoever the strongest voice around her wanted her to be. 

That must have been a hard pill to swallow.

It was. I spent a lot of time being angry at Emeka, blaming him for the whole thing. But I’m starting to find where Funmi and I, too, were at fault. I miss her, but we鈥檙e better off apart.

And what about Emeka?

He鈥檚 married now and has a daughter with the same woman he left Funmi for. He also went around telling people that I forced myself on him. That I was the reason he and Funmi broke up. This was after I had already left South Africa and gotten married.

I’m sorry, what?

It was so crazy when a mutual friend reached out to tell me. I wished I had his number so I could call him and make it very clear that my name should never come out of his mouth again.

Has this experience made you bitter about friendship in general?

No. I genuinely still believe in beautiful friendships because I鈥檓 surrounded by them. This one just ran its course.

罢丑别听聽is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.聽Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.聽.