Stew is on his way back home exhausted after long board meetings with tomato, pepper and onions. He can鈥檛 wait to get back to his wife, white rice, who decided to work from home today.
He gets home, unlocks the door, and the first thing he sees when he enters is his wife on the dining table with Egusi on top of her.
Stew: W鈥攚hat鈥檚 going on?
White rice: Babe, it鈥檚 not what it looks like. I swear!
Stew: Of course, you鈥檒l use the standard cheating line.
White rice: I鈥檓 not cheating, babe. It鈥檚 really not what it looks like.
*Egusi just sits there looking smug.*
Stew: I can鈥檛- I can鈥檛 do this. *Stew storms out of the house and drives off*
White rice to Egusi: Why are you just sitting there? Why didn鈥檛 you tell him the truth?
Egusi: What truth? That I finally got the girl I wanted?
White rice: Are you mad?
Egusi: White rice, you know I鈥檝e wanted you for a long time. And I always thought you deserved better than boring ass stew.
*White rice looks at Egusi like she wants to slap the hell out of him.*
Egusi: I don鈥檛 even understand why you鈥檙e upset. The way he reacted without giving you the chance to explain shows he clearly doesn鈥檛 trust you.
White rice: Anybody would react the same way after seeing someone on top of their partner.
Egusi: I wouldn鈥檛 have. And that鈥檚 why you should be with me?
White rice: Are you okay? Aren鈥檛 you dating eba?
Egusi: Forget about that. That鈥檚 not important.
White rice: Now. I see why pounded yam broke up with you. Mscheeew
*Egusi tries to hold White rice鈥檚 hand but she pulls it away*
Egusi: White rice, you and I are meant to be, and you know this. People outside say we鈥檙e a bad combination, but I disagree. We go perfectly together. Fuck what anybody else says.
*White rice looks at Egusi with irritation.*
White rice: You鈥檙e just saying rubbish. Please, leave my house.
Egusi: But we haven鈥檛 finished 鈥
White rice: Get out!
It鈥檚 the middle of the night. White rice is sleeping in the living room when she hears a rustling of keys and realises it must be stew coming back home. She hopes to God he has calmed down.
Stew unlocks the door. When he walks in, it鈥檚 clear he鈥檚 been drinking palm oil, way too much of it.
White rice walks over to help him before he hurts himself. There goes the conversation she wanted to have with him tonight.
Stew: You hurt me *in a slurred voice*
White rice: I promise you I didn鈥檛, baby. But we鈥檒l talk about it tomorrow.
Stew: Tomorrow, I鈥檓 moving out.
*White rice drops him on the bed*
White rice: You鈥檙e not going anywhere in Jesus鈥 name. This was all a misunderstanding and we鈥檒l sort it鈥
She hears some snoring and realises Stew is fast asleep.
She sighs and begins to take off his shoes and pants.
White rice is sitting up in bed using her phone when she hears Stew groan beside her.
White rice: Good morning, ba-
Stew: You鈥檙e texting Egusi, abi?
White rice: What? Okay, time to put all of this to an end. I need you to not say anything while I talk, okay?
*Stew rolls his eyes*
White rice: You know how this brand called 91大神 is always pushing the agenda that people should eat me and Egusi together?
Stew: Oh, I should answer? You said I shouldn鈥檛 talk na. Okay. Yes, I know.
White rice: So they reached out to me and asked if I鈥檇 take a picture with Egusi for one of their articles. They offered to pay a huge sum of money, and since we鈥檙e trying to japa, I agreed.
Stew: If so, why didn鈥檛 you take the picture side by side?
Egusi: Because they wanted to show that Egusi and I really belonged together. If we didn鈥檛 do it like that, they wouldn鈥檛 have paid. I can show you the email. I鈥檓 not lying, babe. And we weren鈥檛 even naked. I鈥檇 only been parboiled, and Egusi wasn鈥檛 completely done.
Stew stares into his wife鈥檚 eyes and sees she鈥檚 actually telling the truth.
Stew: I鈥檓 sorry I didn鈥檛 give you the chance to explain, babe.
White rice: I completely understand. You owe me extra meat for the stress sha.
Stew: Hahahaha
And they lived happily ever after.
ALSO READ: Amala, Pounded Yam and Eba Debate for the Title of Best Swallow
