Sharon* (23) moved to the UK seeking a fresh start with her family, but her uncle鈥檚 broken promise left her battling toxic living conditions, exploitative jobs, and depression as an illegal immigrant.
Where do you currently live, and when did you leave Nigeria?
I live in the UK. I left Nigeria in 2022.
What inspired you to leave?
Honestly, I didn鈥檛 want to leave. But I had to go with my family. My mum really wanted to leave Nigeria, so she took me and my younger brother with her. I was in 200 level at the time, so I had to drop out.
What was it like when you arrived?
Mixed feelings. Like I said, I didn鈥檛 really want to leave. But things were tough back home. We were struggling a lot, so I saw it as a chance for a fresh start. I knew it wouldn鈥檛 be a bed of roses, but I hoped things would get better.
Did you have a plan for life in the UK?
Yes, we did. Before we travelled, my mum had already secured a job as a live-in minder. So once we arrived, she went straight to her client鈥檚 house.
Our aunt, who was already living in the UK, offered to house my brother and me. But my brother only stayed briefly before moving to study at a college. So it was just me, my aunt, and her young child, whom I helped look after.
Initially, everything seemed okay, then it started to go downhill.
How?
At first, my aunt was nice. She bought me clothes and gifts. But then she became controlling and abusive. I spent all day basically being a nanny to her child. I wasn鈥檛 allowed to go out or even try to find work.
I felt stuck. I wanted to live my own life, get a job, and be my own person. But she wouldn鈥檛 let me. She started insulting me and threatening to throw me out. I was dealing with all that and also facing visa issues.
Visa issues?
Yes. We came in on one-year visas. My uncle who had a sponsored work visa, was supposed to register us as his dependents. But he started dodging it. I had a limited window before I鈥檇 be too old to qualify, so we kept trying to get him to follow through while I was also dealing with my aunt鈥檚 behaviour.
He eventually agreed and registered my brother, but by then it was too late for me. I was too old to be a dependent, and my visa expired. I鈥檝e become stuck. I can鈥檛 go back to Nigeria because there鈥檚 nothing to return to. I also can鈥檛 stay here freely because I鈥檓 now here illegally.
I鈥檓 so sorry to hear that. So what did you do?
I kept quiet about my aunt鈥檚 behaviour for a long time because I didn鈥檛 want to worry my mum. But eventually I told her, and she encouraged me to leave and move to the city where she was working. So I did.
I didn鈥檛 have a plan. I just knew I couldn鈥檛 stay with my aunt anymore. I couldn鈥檛 stay with my mum either because she was living in her client鈥檚 house. But she had met some people and introduced me to one of them, who took me to his church.
That鈥檚 how I ended up living in the church.
Wow. What was that like?
Very uncomfortable.
There was no kitchen or bathroom. To bathe, a church member would bring me a bowl around midnight. I鈥檇 take it to the toilet and stand in it to have my bath. There was no bed. I either slept on the floor or pushed some chairs together. And it was freezing in the winter.
I was basically the church cleaner. On Sundays, people would eat and leave the place a mess, and I鈥檇 have to clean it all up.
Worse still, I had to stay under the radar because the owner of the building where the church was located didn鈥檛 want anyone living in it and didn鈥檛 know of my presence. There were CCTV cameras, so I had to be really careful. This meant I could only go out at certain times because of the CCTV cameras. Things were really tough, but some of the church members were kind. They bought me clothes and sometimes brought food. One of them told me about a cleaning agency I could work for. So I started doing that.
How was the job?
It was hell. I met a lot of difficult people. Many of the clients were rude and spoke to me in a very demeaning way. Some refused to pay me in full after I finished cleaning.
I鈥檇 clean up to three houses a day for very little money and end each day completely exhausted. I did that for about four months. It was depressing. I kept trying to find other jobs, but without a visa, my options were limited. And the church was far from everything, so even the jobs I could get were out of reach because I couldn鈥檛 afford the transport.
What do you do now?
One day, I went to visit a friend I knew from back in Nigeria. I told her I was looking for a job, and she introduced me to my current boss. I鈥檝e been working with him for about two years now as his administrative assistant.
Does your boss know about your visa situation?
Yes, he does. And he鈥檚 taking advantage of it.
He鈥檚 usually nice, but sometimes he says things that are really demeaning. I can鈥檛 complain at work. I work every single day, yet I don鈥檛 earn enough to save anything. I don鈥檛 get leave or time off.
I feel trapped, like I鈥檝e been reliving the same day for the past two years.
Do you still live at the church?
No, I was kicked out. They noticed my movement patterns on the CCTV and figured out I was living there. So I had to leave. I moved in with my friend, the one who helped me get the job.
What was that like?
Very uncomfortable. But I didn鈥檛 want to seem ungrateful.
I鈥檇 come back from work and still have to help around the house. I slept in their living room, so when they stayed up watching TV late into the night, I had to stay up too, even though I was exhausted.
I barely got any sleep before waking up early for work. And even when they finally went to bed, I couldn鈥檛 sleep properly knowing her husband could walk into the living room at any time.
Her husband made me very uncomfortable. He tried to touch me a couple of times, but I didn鈥檛 tell my friend. I didn鈥檛 want to cause trouble. She had helped me get a job, and I was staying in her house. I couldn鈥檛 afford any drama. So I just endured it.
I made sure I was never alone in the house with him. Sometimes I鈥檇 get back from work, and if he was the only one home, no matter how tired I was, I鈥檇 go back out for a walk or something. Anything to avoid being alone with him.
That was my life until I got my own place.
Congrats! How do you feel about your new place?
A part of me is grateful that I can at least afford my own space, no matter how small. But another part of me is worried because almost all my money goes into rent. Still, I knew I couldn鈥檛 keep staying at my friend鈥檚 place.
Can you describe the living conditions?
It鈥檚 a shared apartment. I have eight housemates, all Nigerians. I have my own toilet, but I share a bathroom with one person, and we all share the kitchen and living room.
Unfortunately, my room is close to the shared areas, so I hear all the noise. And my housemates are very noisy. I鈥檝e complained several times, but they don鈥檛 change. They act like children, not the adults they are. And they鈥檙e all older than me.
Do you regret travelling abroad?
Yes and no. It鈥檚 a lot of things; It hurts that my classmates in Nigeria have graduated from university while I鈥檓 stuck here, but I try to shrug it off by remembering how much I struggled back home. At the same time, I remember I had the freedom to move around in Nigeria, which I don鈥檛 have here, due to my illegal status.
I don鈥檛 know, to be honest. I guess I have mixed feelings about it.
Would you consider coming back home?
There鈥檚 nothing and no one to go back to.
What about your father?
He wasn鈥檛 a good father. He still isn鈥檛. He was abusive to my mum. I don鈥檛 really consider him part of my life. He has another family now, and he even depends on me to survive.
You send him money?
Yes. Between that and my brother鈥檚 expenses, it鈥檚 a lot. His tuition is free, but I pay for everything else. I鈥檓 the breadwinner now, and it sucks.
What are your plans for the future?
I don鈥檛 know. I鈥檝e spoken to lawyers, but the options available to me require a lot of money. Way more than I can afford, even if I save for years.
I feel like I鈥檓 stuck in an impossible loop. To get a visa, I need money. To get money, I need a good job. To get a good job, I need a visa.
I鈥檓 just hoping God will send someone to help me, because I鈥檓 tired and I don鈥檛 know what else to do.
What are the biggest culture shocks you鈥檝e experienced?
First, the sneakers. I see a lot of white people wearing dirty sneakers. I don鈥檛 understand it. They just wear them dirty, and when they鈥檙e as filthy as they can be, they throw them away.
Also, the zebra crossings. We have them in Nigeria, but people don鈥檛 respect them. So it shocked me a bit when I saw how much people here actually do.
Another thing is how polite white people can be, even when they鈥檙e being hypocritical. Everyone calls you 鈥渓ove,鈥 鈥渉oney,鈥 鈥渂aby,鈥 or 鈥渟ugar,鈥 and they鈥檒l be all cute about it, but they don鈥檛 like you. They鈥檒l hate you and still be polite. I don鈥檛 get it. Why pretend?
And thanking the driver when you get off the bus. That really surprised me when I first arrived. I do it now, too, but it was a big shock at first.
You’ve been through a lot, but which would you consider your worst experience in the UK?
It would have to be the period I lived in the church and had the cleaning job. I was still very young, just transitioning from a teenager to an adult; that was a very difficult way to do it.
And the best experience?
Watching the Tina Turner Musical. I鈥檝e always wanted to see a musical theatre show, and this year was my first time. That was fun. I think so far, that鈥檚 been my favourite experience.
Did you go with anyone?
Yes. It was actually a surprise. I had mentioned to a friend that I love theatre and would love to see a show. So he surprised me by taking me to see it.
What about romantic relationships?
The dating pool here has shown me shege. The men who approach me are either married, single dads, or way older than I鈥檇 like. The young ones are broke and unserious. They don鈥檛 want to settle down. They just want to hit and go.
Those are the options. There鈥檚 no in-between. It鈥檚 either young and broke, just looking for fun, or old and married. They鈥檒l be married with kids and still want to chase you.
It鈥檚 been mad. So I鈥檝e just put that aside for now. I don鈥檛 think I鈥檓 even in the right mental state to be in a relationship. There鈥檚 no point thinking about it, to be honest.
Do you still feel depressed?
I was diagnosed with depression earlier this year, and I鈥檝e started group therapy sessions.
Is therapy helping?
I鈥檝e only just started, but I enjoy the sessions. I feel seen, like I鈥檓 not alone in this. It helps me understand that my feelings actually make sense. But after the sessions, it鈥檚 like I鈥檓 back to real life again. I feel like it鈥檚 not really solving my problem.
I鈥檓 sorry you feel that way. I understand this might be a difficult question to answer given your situation but on a scale of one to ten, how happy would you say you are in the UK, and why?
I鈥檇 say two. The visa situation is always hanging over my head, so I can鈥檛 enjoy moments. No experience feels genuine because that worry is always at the back of my mind.
Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me . For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT).
