Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it鈥檒l amaze you how similar all our experiences are.听Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.听
This week I talk to a 20-year old lady who in her own words ‘just wants to vent’.
Hi there!听
I鈥檓 not sure if this is an actual problem. Especially right now. It鈥檚 like there are people dying o Funke* and this is what you are talking about.
Lol, I haven鈥檛 even asked anything yet.
I know, I know. It just felt right to acknowledge that given the current state of affairs in the world my issues aren鈥檛 exactly going to bring a tear to anyone鈥檚 eyes.
Would you like that?
No o I鈥檓 not looking for a pity party I just want to vent really. Ok maybe a little bit, for once I鈥檇 like to be able to talk about this and get sincere concern or even a genuine 鈥榩ele鈥. I don鈥檛 know if anything I say is actually going to be publishable. Sorry in advance.
I solemnly promise not to scoff. What do you want to talk about?
I was reading about a girl who has an eating disorder the other day. She wasn鈥檛 anorexic or overeating so people nobody took her seriously until it started affecting her health. But every time she ate she鈥檇 go and stick a finger down her throat and throw up. Or sometimes she鈥檇 go for days barely eating anything, just drinking water and juices. And I just thought to myself yo this sounds like me. I don鈥檛 have any health problems, at least I think I don鈥檛 but I鈥檝e struggled with my body image since I was a teenager and done some stupid things because of it.听
In your opinion what鈥檚 the most stupid thing you鈥檝e done?
Had to be buying slimming tea. Someone in my hostel was selling them last year, she鈥檚 model slim and she claimed that鈥檚 what worked for her. For months that鈥檚 what I was drinking. I was drinking like four or five cups a day until I got an ulcer. I can remember the doctor asking me over and over again if there was anything I鈥檇 like to tell him. But I was with my mum so I didn鈥檛 mention the tea. To be honest I don鈥檛 know if it was the tea or the fact that I wasn鈥檛 eating that caused the ulcer.
Ever tried anything else?
See, I actually don鈥檛 have sense. When I was 13/14 I used to stick a finger down my throat to throw up anytime I ate something TV said could make you fat. Like cake or a pizza or if I just felt like I had eaten too much. I continued doing it till I was 16.
What made you stop?
My sister caught on and reported me to my parents. It was a pretty big deal. My mum especially was so angry. She didn鈥檛 understand why I was doing it, she thought it was some form of rebellion. After my sister reported, anytime I ate in the house my mum would make me sit down in front of her for hours and monitor me when I went to the bathroom. Nobody ever asked me why I was doing it.
Why were you doing it?
I鈥檓 not a large person. I鈥檝e never been at least in theory. At my largest, I was probably a size 12 max 14. I鈥檓 currently a size 10. But I鈥檓 a little top-heavy so for certain clothes like button-down shirts. I sometimes have to buy a size 12. Anyway, I鈥檓 not a large person in theory but I鈥檝e always felt like I was occupying more space in the world than was originally allocated to me by God.
I am small-boned. I can tell from my wrists and ankles. Also, all the women in my family are tiny. My mum has had 4 children and is still a size 8, my sisters are probably size 2 and 0 accordingly. They are also not very tall, about 5鈥5鈥 max. So when you see my mum and my two sisters they just look like three tiny triplets. Then there鈥檚 me, I鈥檓 the last child but I鈥檓 5鈥10 and wear a size 10. My breasts are DDs theirs are B and C cups.
I don鈥檛 know if you get the picture. My sisters can swap clothes with each other and even my mum, but I can鈥檛.听 Even when they are shopping they leave me out because they think my taste is different from theirs but it鈥檚 not. I just can鈥檛 wear the clothes they wear because of my body. Do you get?
听
I get it, ever talked to them about it?
I used to but I think it鈥檚 either I don鈥檛 know how to communicate how I feel or they don鈥檛 understand. They always make jokes about let鈥檚 say buying a particular dress so everyone can do and co then one of my sisters will say oh but Funke can鈥檛 wear this one o it won鈥檛 fit her. And someone else can reply don鈥檛 worry you鈥檒l do and co with daddy. We are all girls and I鈥檓 not even close to my dad. None of us are, he鈥檚 hardly around. So I pretty much live in a college girls frat house.
What鈥檚 that like?
I鈥檓 20, my immediate older sister is 21 and the one before her is 23. Our mum is 44, she got married pretty early. But she鈥檚 very jasi, she could pass for someone in her 30s. She has Instagram, Twitter and she has even just joined TikTok. She has a ‘my door is always open’ policy so nobody is really hiding to do anything. You can talk to her about anything boys, relationship, except sex sha I think that鈥檚 where she draws the line.
There鈥檚 no sneaking around, we don鈥檛 really have curfews and I can walk into her room right now and tell her I鈥檓 going clubbing. Well at least pre corona she won鈥檛 have batted an eyelid she鈥檇 just ask which club. She has jokes for days. But for as long as I can remember I鈥檝e always felt like the fat kid in the popular girl鈥檚 clique who is the butt of all their jokes. My mum is the Queen B and my sisters are her cohorts. It鈥檚 not as if she鈥檚 mean or anything but I think because I don鈥檛 look like them it鈥檚 easy to be excluded.听
And you say it?
I talk about it all the time but it鈥檚 always laughed off or comes across as whiny or annoying. I鈥檝e tried talking to my mum 鈥榳oman to woman鈥. The summary of what I told her was that I always felt excluded from the family. She replied that it was unfair to blame it on her on my sisters because I鈥檓 the one who excludes myself from things. But I don鈥檛, they always conclude I don鈥檛 like something before they even ask me.
Back to your eating habits, what are they like now?
I wish I could say I鈥檓 over it and I鈥檝e gotten to a point where I love my body, but I haven鈥檛, so I鈥檓 always on some diet or weight loss experiment. Any time I tell myself I鈥檓 done with one, a new one pops up. I鈥檓 currently trying intermittent fasting. Before that, I was doing water fasts. Since I read that article I鈥檝e just kept asking myself. Is this what an eating disorder feels like? Do I need help? Or do I just need someone to slap some sense into my head?
