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According to the , the bigger a man’s genitalia, the better he is in bed.  Popular culture also teaches you that a woman’s sexual satisfaction is measured by how much noise she makes, and on social media, you find certain people reinforcing the belief that infertility is the punishment for abortion. These are some of the several loud and wrong myths that shape public conversations about sex and reproductive health among non-conservative Nigerians in the Western and Southern parts of Nigeria.

But aside from the popular belief that , what else do you know about conversations surrounding sex among Northerners?

Across Northern Nigeria, talking about sex outside marriage is considered taboo, and on the Arewa side of X (FKA Twitter), sex isn’t a part of popular culture the same way it is among people from other parts of the country.

In this article, we speak to six Northern Women on the myths about sex they grew up hearing and how those myths contributed to their understanding of intimacy.

*Some names have been changed for anonymity

“When it comes to your vagina, there is nothing Kayamata cannot do” — Hassanat  (21, Jos)

Where I’m from, people often accuse women who have vaginal infections or urinary tract infections of sleeping with different men. This is why women who have these challenges usually do not speak up about them.  Many women give birth in their homes or their fellow women’s houses and don’t go for antenatal care, so they do not see the need to go to the hospital for such issues. Those who decide to seek medical attention go to chemists instead of qualified doctors for treatment, but a lot of them believe that all you need to treat anything below the waist is Kaya Mata. Women believe that it can be used as a contraceptive, to abort pregnancies, to treat vaginal infections, to prevent HIV/AIDs and, interestingly, to make a woman who has been deflowered a virgin again.

“Effeminate men cannot perform in bed” – Fareedah” (25, Kano)

I learnt most of what I knew about sex from the internet later in life. Where I grew up, periods were something to be done in secret. During Ramadan, when girls are off solat (on their period), they do not eat in public before iftar (evening prayers) so that no one would find out that they are menstruating. I also grew up believing that as long as a woman does not bleed after her first time, she is not a virgin. Even if she’s never had sex, she’ll still be seen as impure. A funny myth I grew up hearing from the women in my community was that men who had feminine traits were impotent and incapable of performing sexual activities. 

Back then, we were told that any kind of itching around the vagina is a toilet infection that can be cured with herbs. People who went to reproductive health specialists were seen as people who did not have shame, and here in the North, we take shame very seriously. 

“Unmarried women have no business with contraceptives” – Fatima  (24, Kaduna)

I’m not just a Northerner, but I’m also a Muslim like many other people in my city. Sex before marriage is haraam to us, so it is believed that as an unmarried woman, there is no reason you should need contraceptives. For married women, the case is different; many clinics here give out free contraceptives, so they can just walk in and get them.

I was diagnosed with PCOS a while back, and my doctor suggested I start birth control, but my mum was very hostile to the idea until my doctor explained why I needed it . She never would have believed me if my doctor hadn’t spoken to her.

“Prostitution is the reason behind unwanted pregnancies” – Falnyi (21, Adamawa)

The first thing I learned about sex was that I would go to hellfire if I decided to do it. My catholic secondary school taught us about STIs and sex as a mortal sin, but very little about sex itself.  Growing up, talking about sex was considered an abomination, and if you were caught talking about it or reading books with sexual content, you would be labelled a prostitute.  My community was so anti-sex that parents used to beat their daughters for hugging boys. Some people even believe that talking about STDs could spoil their children.

We grew up believing that any girl who got pregnant outside marriage was a sex worker, and till now, a lot of people around me still believe that to contract STIs, you have to be a prostitute. When people find out that a married woman has an STI, they accuse her of being a loose woman. They believe that it is something to feel shame for, even if she got it from her husband.

Also, people don’t distinguish between vaginal infections, UTIs and STIs. They call everything ‘infection’. Many women don’t even know what yeast is because they don’t do tests for vaginal infections or talk about it. 

On contraceptives, the world is evolving, and people are becoming more aware of its importance but the truth is that I don’t think a lot of Northerners use them. I have family members who think that using contraceptives is wrong because children are gifts from God, and a lot of my friends believe that they come with horrible side effects, like heavy bleeding. I’ve even heard someone say that contraceptives are things white people give to us so that they can kill us and reduce the population. 

“Women need cleansing after their periods” — Hannatu (26, Kaduna)

I grew up hearing that sex is something that would change you and that it had the potential to wreck your life. Now I know it’s not that big of a deal, but back then it didn’t seem that way. Even now, there is a lot of shame attached to sex. Many young girls believe that having sex with a man means he has some leverage over them. Because of that, revenge porn is very common here. Rumours of a woman having sex are still a big thing.

Women get very distressed when a person begins to spread rumours that they are having sex. They’ll post videos to debunk the allegations and sometimes even go as far as deactivating their social media accounts. For this same reason, even though the general public is a lot more open to the use of contraceptives, people still think that women using birth control is a bold move that would eventually make them loose.

It is widely believed that menstruation is the process of a woman’s body pushing out dirt and infections. Therefore, it is something that makes her unclean. After a woman’s period, she’s expected to cleanse herself.  Some women do it by using Miski on their underwear or burning a special kind of turare (incense) and sitting over the smoke. Miski is a perfumed white liquid that isn’t medically approved for use in the vagina. Additionally, using it for long periods increases the risk of yeast infections and recurrence. 

“Rinsing your vagina with Potash will prevent pregnancy” – Hassanat  (21, Jos)

The only time anyone ever spoke to me about sex as a teenager was when did a campaign at my school. Even at that, they said very little about sex and talked more about period hygiene. Ladies who talk about sex here are considered wayward. My friends and I grew up believing that your vaginal health was determined by what you ate. We used to think eating hot plantain while pregnant would burn your baby’s face, and that maltina would make your baby black. 

Like many other teenagers, we also grew up believing that if a man touches you, you’ll get pregnant. So after being touched by a man, some girls would use potash to rinse their vaginas. They did this believing that it would prevent pregnancy. As time went on, they graduated to using it during their periods and after sex.

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