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If you’ve ever sent money home and wondered why your account balance looks like a crime scene, this one’s for you. Last week, 91���� hosted a Twitter space under the Shift Your Story campaign, because apparently, we’re out here shifting narratives and dodging family group chat money requests at the same time. The topic? Managing the effects of black tax on your finances.

Florence Damilola Olatunbosun, a financial educator at Money Africa, and Oluwaseyi Olubiyi, lawyer and CEO of Shedu Chops, pulled up with the facts and the tough love we all needed. They broke down exactly how black tax, or as we Nigerians love to call it, “billing”, is ruining dreams and savings accounts.

Black Tax Hits Different When You’re a Woman

Let’s start with the elephant in the room. Black tax is not just for high earners. Florence made it clear that basically anyone with income is fair game for family billing, but it hits women way harder, and it starts early.

“Black tax actually affects women differently because it combines factors such as economic, cultural, and even gender-based expectations,” Florence explained. You’re basically the eldest daughter, and the unofficial second parent. Your brother? He’s chilling in his room, finishing his food in peace. You? You’re expected to share everything, including your salary.

And it gets worse. Women often start their careers earning less than men, despite having the same qualifications and the same workload, yet receive less pay. Companies lowball women while expecting them to be more reliable. The lines aren’t connecting, but here we are.

Then there’s the cultural programming. “Most women are raised to be nurturers, so they expect you to be the one to help everybody,” Florence said. This expectation creates guilt, and that guilt makes it nearly impossible to set boundaries. Your elder brother can buy something and eat it alone in his room without remorse. But you? The guilt will haunt you like a Nigerian mother asking, ‘So you cannot even send something for your father and I?’

For women entrepreneurs, the struggle multiplies. Data shows that early-stage businesswomen often divert their capital to family support instead of expanding their operations. Some even take out loans not for inventory or business growth but to settle family bills. Just like that, business growth stalls and debt piles up.

Healthy Support vs. Financial Hostage Situation

So how do you know when you’ve crossed from being a supportive family member to being everyone’s personal ATM? Our speakers helped us paint two very clear pictures.

Healthy support is occasional, not constant. The person receiving help shows effort and improvement. They appreciate your support without acting entitled. Most importantly, you’re not getting burnt out, you’re still handling your own bills and saving money efficiently.

Unhealthy support is when requests are frequent and feel obligatory. You’re giving out of guilt, not love. You’re delaying your own bills and skipping savings to meet their needs. “You cannot pour out of an empty cup; you can only give when you yourself are full.”

If you’re afraid to say no because of the emotional fallout, or if you’re putting everyone else’s needs before your rent and savings, congratulations. You’re in an unhealthy support situation.

Also Read: “There is Money Everywhere,” Says The Lawyer Who Makes Money By Not Practicing Law

So What Do You Actually Do?

Our speakers came through with practical steps, and we took notes.
First, set up a generosity fund. Budget a specific amount for family support each month and stick to it. Christmas is coming, and the billing will be biblical, so plan ahead. When requests come in, give from that fund only. No exceptions unless it’s life or death.

Second, prioritise your essentials. Rent, food, savings, investments, handle those first. Florence shared a story that should terrify us all. “I’ve seen situations whereby people reach out to me and they’ll be like, oh Dami, for the 5-10 years I’ve been working, I’ve just been giving to my family… but guess what, I lost my job, and when I lost my job, there was really no one to support me.” If you don’t support yourself and plan for an uncertain future, you’ll likely have nothing to fall back on.

Third, communicate with your family. Have money discussions, actual conversations about your financial situations and goals. Let them know what you’re working toward. If they truly love you, they’ll manage their expectations. If they don’t, well, that tells you something as well.

Fourth, sleep on it. When someone asks you for money, don’t send it immediately. Say you’ll check and get back to them. This buys you time to think clearly without pressure.

And finally, learn to say no without feeling guilty. People will call you selfish, but be transparent about your finances. Break down your expenses. Show them the numbers. If they still don’t get the memo, offer an alternative amount instead of a flat no. Stay firm, don’t allow anyone to press your ‘mumu button’ and make you give in.

One audience question touched on whether young professionals should hide how much they earn to reduce billing. Well, if your family won’t be considerate, maybe you shouldn’t disclose everything. But if they care about you and your future, transparency helps everyone manage expectations better.

Protecting yourself isn’t selfish, it’s sustainable. The entire conversation reminded us that you can’t fund everyone’s lifestyle while yours is falling apart. Setting boundaries and saying no isn’t a bad thing. That’s how to survive.

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