We bring to you letters written by women to women they love, miss, cherish or just remember. To celebrate the support women continue to show each other, this is #ToHER.
From: the woman who lowkey misses her university bestie
To: Leila, the bestie she lost over a breakup
I鈥檓 writing this on a plane. I鈥檓 finally leaving the trenches called Nigeria, and I wanted to say goodbye. We never really got a chance to see each other again since we finished school in 2019. And I want to finally be honest about how I鈥檝e felt over the years. I鈥檓 going to be in a different country, so what鈥檚 the worst that can happen?
If I鈥檓 being honest, we weren鈥檛 meant to be friends. Becoming so close happened by chance because if my friend, Caleb, hadn鈥檛 been crushing on you in our first year of uni, I probably wouldn鈥檛 have noticed we were in the same class. We were over a 100, so don鈥檛 blame me. Caleb was like a best friend to me, so when you both started dating at the end of our first year, you became my friend by proxy. I didn鈥檛 have a choice.
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Don鈥檛 get me wrong, I loved you for all the reasons Caleb loved you and probably more. You were goofy, sweet, and you could relate to my obsession with The Vampire Diaries. But even with those cute things I loved about you, our arguments made it difficult to keep being friends.
When people say three is a crowd, I completely understand what they mean now. I lived it for the remaining four years of uni. First, you hated seeing me and Caleb study without you. Then, you hated him cooking for the both of us. Our arguments escalated to Caleb not treating you the same way as me. I had to take a step back at that point. There was way too much drama over one boy.
You tried to reconnect in our third year to 鈥渆xperience our friendship outside of me being Caleb鈥檚 friend鈥, in your own words. I was down for that. We slept over at each other鈥檚 hostels, did assignments together and planned every birthday together since we were born a day apart. I鈥檇 forgotten Caleb was supposed to be my best friend by our fourth year. Everything in my life was suddenly happening with you. So when you broke up after university, I didn鈥檛 expect it to affect us, especially after I gave up that friendship for you.
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But you completely shut down like I couldn鈥檛 be the friend you needed. I left messages and called; I tried everything I could to help. At some point, I had to give you the space you were silently asking for. I missed you a lot. A year went by and you didn鈥檛 even try to call me. There were so many transitions happening in my life, and I didn鈥檛 have anyone to share them with. So I didn鈥檛 feel guilty when Caleb and I became close again. You鈥檇 made your decision to be a ghost, and I accepted that.
It鈥檚 been three years since the breakup, and now, we鈥檙e saying 鈥渉ellos鈥 and 鈥渉is鈥 like the last three years didn鈥檛 happen. It鈥檚 infuriating to act like we didn鈥檛 call each other sisters at some point, Leila.
I wish a guy didn鈥檛 have so much power over our connection. Now that I鈥檓 moving away, I think it鈥檚 important to remind you that I鈥檒l probably always love you. The shallowness our friendship has reached doesn鈥檛 change the love we shared as friends in university.
I鈥檒l always root for you.
With all my love,
Halima
READ ALSO: I鈥檓 Tired of Being Your Supportive Friend, I Want More
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