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Every week, 91���� spotlights the unfiltered stories of women navigating life, love, identity and everything in between. 

What She Said will give women the mic to speak freely, honestly and openly, without shame about sex, politics, family, survival, and everything else life throws our way. 

Tammy, 28, discusses being a high achiever who got lost chasing someone else’s idea of success, the resulting identity crisis, and how returning to herself led to building a career that enables her to help others do the same.

What was your career path like growing up?

In primary school, I was the “smart one.” First position, best in class, one of those kids that teachers praised and parents compared their children to. But then I got into secondary school, and I just stopped understanding things the same way. My grades dropped, and suddenly, I didn’t know who I was anymore. If I wasn’t the smart girl, what was I?

That shook something deep in me. It made me crave safety and validation, the kind you get when you pick a career everyone respects. In Nigeria, that meant medicine. Not because I actually loved medicine, but because I thought if I could just do this one hard, impressive thing, I’d become “somebody” again.

What was studying medicine like for you?

It was brutal. Not necessarily in terms of grades, I actually did okay academically. But I was crumbling inside. I was constantly overwhelmed. From 2013, I just kept pushing through the exhaustion and disconnection because I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t have the language for it then, but I was completely out of alignment.

The turning point came in 2016. I remember talking to my sister one day after class. I was sitting on my bed, crying, and I just said, “I can’t do this anymore.” Not in a dramatic way, but in a deeply honest one. Something had to change. With her support, I left med school.

What came after that decision?

I applied to another university and got into a Management and Psychology program. It was the first time in years I felt like myself again. I excelled, got scholarships, and interned at big companies. It was like my brain lit up. I started to believe I wasn’t broken, but I had just been in the wrong place. But then, life humbled me again.

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How?

After graduation, I got a job in finance;  a “good” job. One of those names your parents can brag about. And it was the worst experience of my life.

I’d come home every night and cry myself to sleep. My chest felt tight all the time. I stopped eating properly. It was like my soul was imprisoned in my own body. But what scared me the most was how confused I felt. I was a high achiever. Why couldn’t I just do the job and be happy?

Eventually, it hit me that I was a creative. I needed room to think, to connect, to express. I couldn’t keep fitting into boxes just because they looked good on paper.

What did that realisation lead to?

I started exploring, writing, speaking, and taking courses. One step at a time, I built a coaching practice. I didn’t even know it would turn into a business at first. I just knew I wanted to help people figure out their path, the way I wished someone had helped me.

Now, I who feel stuck or confused about their careers. It’s the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.

How did all of this change you?

It forced me to slow down, to really reflect. I had to unlearn so much: that success has to be loud and shiny, that struggle means failure, that you only matter if other people approve of your choices.

From 2013 to 2022, I went through a long, painful unravelling. But I also rebuilt myself. I got to meet who I really am, outside the pressure and performance. It made me softer, braver, and more honest with myself.

Why are you telling this story now?

Because I know I’m not the only one who’s ever felt lost. For years, I thought something was wrong with me. But I wasn’t broken, I was just out of alignment.

If my story can help even one person pause and say, “Wait, maybe I’m not crazy. Maybe I just need to listen to myself again,” then it’s worth sharing.

It’s not always about some big, dramatic win. Sometimes, the real work is the quiet courage it takes to return to yourself over and over again.

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