So you just discovered on TikTok that all the totally normal behaviours you have are people-pleasing characteristics. It turns out you鈥檙e just not that nice for niceness sake; and even your willingness to always let things slide is a trauma response. Thank you, TikTok, for the diagnosis!
Here鈥檚 how to say no as a people pleaser.
You have to practise passive assertiveness
Your body language should say no before opening your mouth to say yes. The next time a friend or coworker comes to ask you for something at your inconvenience, stand like this:
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If that doesn’t work, just close your eyes
If you can鈥檛 see the face of the person trying to inconvenience you, you鈥檙e less likely to want to help them.
Walk away as fast as you can
If they can鈥檛 catch you, they can鈥檛 ask you to do anything for them.
Tap into your inner toddler and start reporting everybody
Snitches get stitches, but sometimes it鈥檚 necessary to snitch before you faint from exhaustion. Shout 鈥淚 will report you oh鈥 like a toddler who discovered the word 鈥渘o鈥.
Tape your mouth shut and glue your hands to your sides.
If your mouth is closed, everyone will take your silence as no, and if your hands are glued to your sides, you can鈥檛 shrug and say yes. When they see you trying to enforce boundaries like this, they鈥檒l leave you alone.
Buy a big placard with the word 鈥淣O鈥 written boldly
You can wear it on your neck or carry it in a bag. Next time your roommate asks you if they can eat the cake you鈥檝e been saving for later, just bring the placard out. Or if your boss tries to give you more work than you can handle, you know what to do.
Chant 鈥渘o鈥 to yourself in the mirror every morning
There鈥檚 nothing as effective as using the actual word itself being used as an affirmation. Try to say it with a smile, so they know that if they keep pushing, they鈥檙e about to see crazy. When the conductor asks for his change, say no. When the food delivery people ask for their money, tell them no. Go forth and succeed.
