In this life, everyone has preferences, things they like, things they don鈥檛 like. Some people like jollof rice, some like fried, some people like amala, some like semo.
Some people鈥檚 preferences are downright nasty (looking at you, semo lovers) but I can respect it, so why can鈥檛 people respect how I feel about chocolate? It鈥檚 not like I was always a chocolate hater, but like the sun, I had a come-up.
At first, I loved it
Everyone thought shoving chocolates in the mouth of a child was a rite of passage, and back then, I had no beef with it. I accepted chocolates in all its forms: bars, cookies, ice cream, all the works. Matter of fact, if you鈥檇 sprinkled chocolate on fufu and fed it to me, I would have probably eaten it.
Back then, it was great, but now I鈥檓 older, wiser, and the agbado leader and his cohorts have pushed me into the unwelcoming arms of sapa.
After eating the 999th chocolate, something snapped in my head, but I ignored it.
Till I got my first taste of freedom
All the chocolates I consumed as a child were great, but when I got older, everyone and their daddy took it upon themselves to preach about the dangers of regular chocolate. According to them, dark chocolate was better and healthier I should have clocked it when it was mostly boomers saying, 鈥 Dark chocolate is sweeter, and better.鈥 I should have known better.
I can still remember the way the bitterness hit my tongue, and how it took all of my willpower not to throw up my small intestine.
How do you guys eat that thing?
I slowly started revolting
I was determined to lead the fight against chocolate of all types, shapes, and sizes. I started with chocolate cakes, which wasn鈥檛 that hard cause some people add raisins.
Again, how do you guys eat that thing?
But I quickly realized the world isn鈥檛 on my side. Every time I said no to chocolate, people looked at me like I just threatened them with another round of cash scarcity.聽
People: Do you want chocolates?
Me:
Them:
Like people鈥檚 overreaction to my newfound enemy wasn鈥檛 enough, I still have to battle on Valentine鈥檚 Day. People think gifting me boxes of chocolates is romantic and shows love, it doesn鈥檛. As a matter of fact, I think boxes of chocolate are as romantic as a rock with a ribbon on it. But clearly, I鈥檓 the only one who holds that sentiment.
Now, I鈥檝e decided to stick with my hate, even if it gets me hate
If amala slander can exist, I鈥檝e decided to continue rejecting everything that has chocolate in it. If people decide to act like they鈥檙e going to have a seizure, I shall be looking at them like this –
