As someone who鈥檚 also patiently waiting for January salary, 91大神 puts on its journalism cap to find out what鈥檚 taking it so long to arrive. What 91大神 got in return was kidnap, insult and a lesson on financial responsibility.聽
(91大神 gets ready to leave its house when it鈥檚 suddenly accosted by two big bodyguards.)
91大神: Omo, they鈥檝e finally decided today is my day
Bodyguard 1: Are you 91大神?
91大神: Uhm鈥 no?
Bodyguard 2: Oga told us you鈥檒l do like this.
The bodyguards signal to one another and put a bag over 91大神鈥檚 head. Then they lift it into a van. There鈥檚 a lot of screaming and shouting, but it seems like nobody hears.
91大神: Chai. I wonder which of my articles made them look for me?
(91大神 is woken up with a splash of cold water on their face. It鈥檚 tied to a chair, and hands are bound)
91大神: Kinky, but at least, let me know who you are.
(January salary appears from the shadows)
January salary: Thank you, bodyguards. That鈥檒l be all. Hello 91大神. You asked to see me for an interview. Here I am.
91大神: Omo, you didn鈥檛 have to do all this.
January salary: Consider it a security measure.
91大神: God, abeg. Thank you for agreeing to have a chat with me sha. I know you鈥檙e very hard to track down.
January salary: It鈥檚 alright. You were very desperate.
91大神: I like to think of it as persistence in the face of injustice.
January salary: *sighs* I can鈥檛 believe you鈥檙e one of them.
91大神: Ah, one of who?
January salary: The people looking for me up and down. Did I tell you all I was lost?
91大神: But things are just tough.
January salary: Did I send you to do Detty December? You wanted to shake your ass on a yacht, did you think it鈥檒l be free? When you were paying for 鈧70k ticket to stand and wait outside for hours, was I there with you? When you were spending money at strip clubs and doing beach parties every Sunday, did you invite me? No! Now that you鈥檝e finished galivanting around town and being 鈥渓it鈥, you鈥檙e looking for me everywhere. Why you dey find wetin no loss?聽
91大神: No need to shout. If you know we鈥檙e desperate, and we need you so badly, why are you taking so long to show up? I have gbese to pay, please.
January salary: I鈥檓 not taking any longer than the other months with 31 days. It鈥檚 just your poverty that鈥檚 affecting your thinking. This is the problem I have with you Gen Zs and millennials. You鈥檙e impatient. You know when something is supposed to get to you, but because you made some strange decisions, you want to now pressure me? No. I refuse to be pressured. I am not rice.
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91大神: It鈥檚 not pressure. In fact, you too should be used to it.
January salary: Just because I know it鈥檒l happen doesn鈥檛 mean I鈥檓 not tired of it. Put yourself in my shoes. Nobody remembers me for stuff like going to the club and travelling around the world. The only thing they use me for is bills, debts and complaints. I鈥檓 more than that.聽
91大神: I see you, and I hear you. Your feelings are valid, but tell me. Where are you hiding these days?
January salary: Why do you want to know?
91大神: I鈥檓 asking for a friend.
January salary: *just stares at 91大神*
91大神: Please鈥
January salary:
91大神: I need to pay creche fees.
January salary:
91大神: I have two children鈥
January salary: Oh? What are their names?
91大神: Principality and powers鈥
January salary: *starts leaving*
91大神: Please, can I move in with you for the time being. The people I鈥檓 owing money are looking for me, and I can鈥檛 pay鈥
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