Interview With…聽is a 91大神 weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
For many years, Cooking Gas has been one of the most trusted and dependable workers in the average Nigerian home, but while it almost always gets the job done 鈥 cooking our meals to perfection 鈥 it also seems to have a slightly vindictive streak.
Many Nigerians across the country have noticed that Cooking Gas always waits for the worst time to finish: Sunday mornings. So, we decided to sit down with Mr. Gas to ask if this is an intentional ploy to frustrate or merely a series of stressful coincidences.
91大神: Hello. It鈥檚 great to have you here.
Cooking Gas: Thank you so much for having me. It鈥檚 great to be here. This might sound hard to believe, but this is the first major interview I’ve ever done. I was shocked when my manager told me.
Really? But you鈥檙e such a vital part of our lives.
Yeah. I think it’s just a very bad case of 鈥榮ee finish鈥. People rarely pay me any attention, until it鈥檚 time for a refill. Before then, I鈥檓 usually just stuck in a dusty cylinder at the corner of the house.
Damn. Before we get into it, how has this pandemic affected you?
It鈥檚 been so hectic. Everyone is shouting 鈥渨ork from home鈥, but my work has always been from home. So, the cooking has been non-stop. I rarely get a moment to rest, and still, no one has said a simple “Thank you”.
How does that make you feel?
It hurts, but the disrespect is not new to me. It鈥檚 actually why I decided to start finishing on Sundays. It鈥檚 the only time I feel in control. After being under-appreciated for months, it鈥檚 my way to get a little payback.
Oh wow. And you never give a little warning?
It wouldn鈥檛 really count as payback if it was expected, would it? There are even times I almost finish on a random weekday, but I hold it out. Boil a few pots of rice until Sunday reaches. Then I bounce.
Damn.
Yup. I actually love to do it right in the middle of cooking a meal. That one tends to pain them a lot more. It鈥檚 always funny to see them scrambling to refill me, so they can finish cooking their soggy pot of beans.
What if they decide to use an electric cooker?
Lmao. An electric cooker? With which light? They should use it na. I鈥檒l be here waiting for the reality of Nigeria to slap them across the face. Then I鈥檒l still punish them by finishing a few Sundays earlier.
Ouch. Before we go, is there anything you鈥檇 like to tell your users?
Clean my cylinder more, it’s my home, and say thank you when you鈥檙e done cooking every meal. If I see that happening across the country, then maybe, I鈥檒l rethink my timetable.
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