Nollywood has always depicted Nigerian society in different crazy ways, but nothing compares to how they depict exactly how Nigerian wives should behave. It’s amazing and highkey hilarious, honestly. Let me give you a few examples.
These people will just be making marriage to be fearing somebody. Where鈥檚 the nearest convent, abeg?
1. Marry as a virgin
But on your wedding night, bust several moves. Shey the knowledge comes with the ring, at least for women? Men have to get their knowledge the more鈥 manual way, obviously.
2. Throw it down in the kitchen
Looking like this, no less. If you鈥檙e not Martha Stewart mixed with , are you even worth marrying? You will just push your husband into the hands of the next woman that can cook! Shey, it鈥檚 food聽cooked by someone else聽he came to use his life to eat.
3. Get pregnant in the first few months.
In fact,聽if you don鈥檛 get pregnant on your wedding night there must be something wrong. To聽Nollywood, any good wife will birth a son first, so act accordingly. It鈥檚 simply common sense and a little biology. Also, don鈥檛 forget to keep having babies till your husband can no longer afford them, but never ever add weight, look tired or complain.
4. Never accuse your husband of cheating even if you catch him red handed.
And if it鈥檚 paining you too much that your husband聽fell into the orifices of another woman, you need to apologise for not being enough and performing your duties to satisfaction. If he should continue, get your Bible or Quran and pray because it must be jazz.
5. Be obedient.
If your husband says 鈥榡ump鈥, you better pack your breasts and start jumping.
6. Always look good.
Even if you鈥檙e just leaving the delivery room. As soon as that baby drops, the weight should drop too. In fact, leave that place with your baby, makeup and heels. After all, you don鈥檛 want to push him into the hands of another woman.
7. Be more forgiving than Jesus.
If your husband slaps you, just grab his collar, call him by his name and say 鈥測ou slapped me?!鈥 Then go ahead and insist that he kill you without delay. And when he should get on his knees, shed two tears and insist that the devil made him do it, forgive him. You鈥檙e a good wife.
8. Clean the house like that’s what you were born to do.
A Nigerian husband can only survive in the cleanest of homes and environments, so of course, it is your duty as a good wife to make that happen. The house must always be sparkling!
9. Always always look sexy.
But only in the house! So you can titillate his senses as you bend down to perform every little task. You have to stay on top of that sexy game!
10. Don’t bother him unnecessarily. Even when you think it’s important, it’s not important to him.
Even if you also have a job, you must always remember that your husband has had a long day, so you must never ask him to help around the house, help with the children, or even inconvenience him by falling sick. Don鈥檛 make him look outside the home for complete laziness.
11. Respect his family. He doesn’t have to respect yours o but you must respect his family.
Even if his younger siblings are younger than the last born of your family, you must always call them 鈥榮ister鈥 or 鈥榖rother鈥. Show that you have home training if you don鈥檛 want to go back to your father鈥檚 house that they weren鈥檛 chasing you from in the first place.
12. You had better get out of bed first in the morning.
You must never let your husband wake up after you. What kind of wife are you?! You should have been doing 鈥渙ne or two things鈥 before he opens his eyes. This includes but is not limited to cooking, cleaning, and preparing the kids for school. You get up before him on weekends even, to handwash his underwear.
13. Ensure food is always fresh and hot.
Whether you have a job or not, all food your husband eats must be fresh and hot. Don鈥檛 ask me how you鈥檙e supposed to do that 鈥 I鈥檓 not married to your husband with you.
