It鈥檚 the festive season again and as you should know by now, it鈥檚 one of the surest times to lose your beloved gadgets if you鈥檙e not careful.
I鈥檝e then noticed that when Nigerians lose their phones, there鈥檚 an almost predictable set of events that must happen. Don鈥檛 agree? Check below.
1. Let鈥檚 say you鈥檙e with your friends (or fellow Yoruba demons) just chilling and having fun.
Or discussing how to break the next heart.
2. Then one of your guys asks..
Abeg gimme 1 minute for your phone.
3. And that鈥檚 when trouble starts and you suddenly notice you鈥檙e not with your phone. So you ask around and then they all tell you they鈥檙e not with it and you鈥檙e like鈥
Ah! Rough play.
4. So you collect one person鈥檚 phone to call your phone maybe you鈥檒l hear it ring鈥
Ring. Please. Ring. God oh!
5. And all your guys are looking at you like鈥
Hafa e dey ring?
6. But by then the thief has already switched it off and is en route computer village like鈥
7. It鈥檚 now switched off. By this time panic is slowly setting in but you don鈥檛 want to think of the obvious so you and your squad search all around for it like鈥
Una don see am?
8. The optimist in you wants to assume the phone is probably dead but the devil comes at you in your mind like鈥
Oga was the phone not on 98% 30 mins ago? How can it be dead? Ehn??
9. This is when the foolish questions start pouring from your friends. Even though in your mind you plan to react like this鈥
鈥淲here did you put it?鈥, 鈥淒id you see anybody take it?鈥, 鈥淗ow much credit was in it?鈥 and so on.聽Una dey mad? How would I have seen somebody take it?
10. But you dunno when you just break down like鈥
I no know oo. My iPhone 6!!
11. Then you try to retrace your steps and see if you can remember where you dropped it. You also check your pocket for the 10th time just in case you didn鈥檛 notice it the last 9 times鈥
But e no dey my pocket na, where e con dey?聽?
12. You suddenly develop trust issues and ask your friends repeatedly if they鈥檙e trying to play a prank on you by hiding your phone but they鈥檙e like鈥
E no dey my hand na seriously. Check am.
13. That鈥檚 when the hope in you starts fading like make-up on a girl鈥檚 face after a swimming date and then you begin to cry to the Lord鈥
Ah God! Why me? After all my tithes and offerings. Please you must show yourself strong in my life oo.
14. After about 6 hours and still no luck, you鈥檝e finally accepted the reality and brace yourself to tell your parents. You start with mumsy of course and she鈥檚 just looking at you explain throughout like鈥
15. You also ask her not to tell daddy but as an African woman with good home training she hurries to snitch to the man and he鈥檚 like鈥
Ehn?! Phone that we just bought for him last month? Call him here.
16. And he gives you the tongue-lashing of destiny that makes you wonder if Jesus really took away your shame on the cross鈥
Chai! My life *cries in iPhone 6 money*
17. Few days later you start rocking your Nokia torchlight phone until money for another phone shows.
Because nothing can switch off the light that鈥檚 in you聽鉁
The end.
Written by 91大神 contributor
