Apparently, everyone wants to be a baller and not a mechanic. I鈥檓 here to tell you how you can do that. But first, I need people to understand mechanics are actually ballers. Especially during the rainy season when the floods destroy people鈥檚 cars. They鈥檙e eating good. Hmmm, maybe I do want to be a mechanic?
Anyway, since it鈥檚 just a baller you want to be, here鈥檚 what you need to do:
Beg your village people
You may be destined to be a baller, but your village people are holding you back. You must travel to the village to appease them so they can set you free. Only then can your true calling be fulfilled.
Become a wedding vendor
Wedding vendors enjoy life the most. Makeup artists charge 鈧250k for bridal makeup, and you think they鈥檙e not balling? Do you know the number of people that get married throughout the year? Whether it鈥檚 the DJ or baker鈥 as long as they provide services for weddings, they鈥檙e ballers. This is your secret.
Date or be a Nigerian woman
Nigerian women have money, let me just tell you. They鈥檙e the real ballers. If they tell you they don鈥檛 have money, they鈥檙e lying. If you鈥檙e not a Nigerian woman, then date one.
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Get a glucose guardian
It鈥檚 not your daily 9-5 salary that鈥檒l make you a baller, let鈥檚 not lie. The way for you to enjoy life properly is to get a sugar daddy who doesn鈥檛 have anything to do with their money. The type who’ll send you to the Maldives when you complain about stress.
Become a footballer
Footballers are literal ballers. They kick around a ball on the pitch and get paid a lot of money for it. They鈥檙e balling on and off the pitch.
Be born to generational wealth
Yes, you need to be born again. I don鈥檛 know how that鈥檒l happen; you decide which way you want to go back. But when you meet the angel who assigns people to families, make sure you find a way for them to put you with a family with generational wealth. If that doesn鈥檛 work, an easier way is to find a family yourself and beg them to adopt you. Or you can marry into the family.
Become a tech bro
Everybody knows tech bros are balling hard. Just become one of them, and you鈥檙e good to go, as long as you understand UI/UK and snake programming language. We don鈥檛 know how long it鈥檒l take for your balling money to come sha o.聽
Behave like a baller
What鈥檚 that thing people like to do again? Fake it till they make it, exactly. That鈥檚 what you need to do. If you act like whatever your definition of a baller is, you鈥檒l become one before you know it.
Become a Nigerian politician
Our politicians are the ogas of the ballers sef. How many ballers have over ten cars like our dear Senator Dino Melaye? You can become a Nigerian politician and ball without even stealing money.
Become a mechanic
With the kind of roads we have in Nigeria, mechanics are actually the ones balling. As you read this, I鈥檓 sure someone somewhere has just called their mechanic to complain about their carburetor.
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