Let me start off by saying this is not an endorsement of cheating. Some of you might make reference to my name and say 鈥渋 AM noT sUrpRisEd a fEMi is saYiNg tHis鈥. Keep quiet. We heard you the first 500 times. Here, I鈥檓 not asking men to cheat.
In fact, I hate cheating. All I鈥檓 doing here is gathering tips to help you, in case you have to cheat. You know, like when someone puts a gun to your head and says 鈥淐heat NOW or lose your life.鈥 Yeah, that kind of thing. Or for national security. Like when James Bond goes on his mission to save the world but he has to sleep with somebody to get the nuclear passcodes. That kind of cheating.
When you鈥檙e cheating (because you totally and absolutely have to), it鈥檚 advisable to look out for certain qualities so it doesn鈥檛 quickly become a bad experience.
1. Discretion.
Guys, you want your side to be discreet. The quietest people that don鈥檛 like drama make the best sides.
2. In a relationship.
If your side is in a relationship, you鈥檙e in luck. This means they will avoid drama as much as you because they don鈥檛 want to cast. Win-win for everybody.
3. Speed.
You want somebody fast. You want someone that’s nimble and quick to react. Once you hear your partner coming in the distance, you want somebody that is already outside the window, running like the wind, their heels slapping the back of their heads.
4. Stealth.
Look, let鈥檚 face it. You can鈥檛 tell your partner that you鈥檙e cheating for the sake of national security. If they come and meet you at home, you can鈥檛 say 鈥淥h baby, I did it to save millions of people.鈥 The side piece has to run till their heels are slapping the back of their heads. Your side must also be good at sneaking. If they can climb out of a window, that鈥檚 even better.
5. Can fight.
If stealth fails, I鈥檓 afraid you鈥檒l need somebody that can defend themselves, at the very least. Because if they break somebody鈥檚 head, all of you will sleep in police cell and they will not hear that it鈥檚 for national security.
6. Can beg
Guy, you want somebody that is very persuasive, in case you get caught, so that they can join you when you’re begging for forgiveness. She might even throw in a little. “Forgive him now. You guys make a cute couple.”
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