What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it鈥檚 not one thing. It鈥檚 a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly 91大神 series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It鈥檚 a series for men by men, talking about men鈥檚 issues. We try to understand what it means to 鈥渂e a man鈥 from the perspective of the subject of the week.
The subject of today鈥檚 Man Like is David I. Adeleke, a 27-year-old writer, communications strategist and media analyst. He talks about moving a lot as a child, how that affected him and growing up in a family where gender roles weren’t a thing.
What was growing up like for you?
I grew up in a Christian home, so I was taught certain values. A lot of these values still guide the way I live my life now even though my parents and I interpret and understand the Bible differently. But the values they taught me 鈥 love your neighbour 鈥 still guide how I live my life today.
My family also moved around a lot. Each time, we’d leave behind friends, schools, businesses and just move.
Why did you move that much?
My dad was a pastor, so he moved around a lot.
How did that affect you?
When you move around that often, you start to adapt in specific ways. One way I adapted was that it became easy for me to connect with new people. But it also made it easy for me to move on from people. And because I grew up in a nomadic family and made friends easily, I moved on from people without nostalgia. It was what my life demanded but also a coping mechanism.
How has that shaped your relationships now as an adult?
It has done a lot of damage to me. People would become attached to me in ways I was incapable of reciprocating. That didn’t mean I didn鈥檛 like them. For me, it was just another relationship; or them, it could mean a lot. And maybe it meant something to me, but in the grand scheme of things, it would be just another relationship.
You’re married now, what has that been like?
I鈥檝e never had to face my flaws as much as I do now.
When you know you鈥檙e going to be with someone for the rest of your life, you have to let them in. This means letting them into places and aspects of your personality you鈥檇 not have liked to. It鈥檚 ugly because your partner then starts to see how flawed you are, and you鈥檙e forced to acknowledge some of these flaws.
How long have you been married now?
One year and two days.
Oh, congratulations!
Thanks!
What does being a man mean to you?
I don’t know what it means to be a 鈥渕an.鈥澛 I grew up in a home where my dad was there and my mum was there. But I never bought into the idea that a man is supposed to do this or a woman is supposed to do that. Maybe it was there, I just never noticed it. Of my parents, my dad was the better cook. In my house, I think I’m the better cook, and I鈥檓 the one who likes to cook more. So when people try to tell me what a man should or shouldn鈥檛 do, I鈥檓 like, I don’t give a shit.聽
I can also be effeminate. One time, while attending a conference, I mentioned my relationship to a lady I met there. She was like 鈥淲ait, what?!You have a girlfriend?鈥
Wait, she thought you were gay?!
And that鈥檚 not the first time. I’m used to comments like that.
Can I ask you a random question?
Sure.
What’s something you spend a lot of money on regularly?
Shoes. And most recently, high fashion. I buy a lot of sneakers. I like to change my sneakers now and then. Also, nice blazers and nice traditional wears. I also like food. I spend a lot of money on food. I like to think that when I become a billionaire, I’ll be going to a nice restaurant every other day. I like eating well.
In order of interest, I鈥檇 say shoes, fine dining and clothes. And as much as possible, I like to give. At least 30% of my income goes out to other people.
Check back every Sunday by 12 pm for new stories in the Man Like series. If you鈥檇 like to be featured or you know anyone that would be perfect for this, kindly send an email.
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