No long talk. We鈥檙e tired of seeing real alpha males waste their lives being mediocre. To make the best of your life, use this template and don鈥檛 deviate from it. We got it from Adam.
3 a.m.
Wake up, king. There are important things for you to attend to and not enough time in the day for you to do them. The first thing a real man does when he wakes up is to fear women. Don鈥檛 press your phone or brush your teeth. Just lay in bed and meditate on the evil women have done and are capable of in this life for the next two hours. Take it all in, so nothing catches you off guard in the course of your day. If you don鈥檛 do this, anything your eyes see, take it like that. You鈥檝e been warned.
5 a.m.
It鈥檚 time for your daily 10km run. Get out of bed and start running. Are you trying to be fit, training to run from responsibilities or away from people trying to get you to cheat? All join.
5:25 a.m.
Image source:
It鈥檚 time for breakfast. What鈥檚 that? You can鈥檛 run 10km in 25 minutes? This article is for men, please. If you can鈥檛 do 10km in 25 minutes, then read this.
Back to the men. Homemade pounded yam without soup is for breakfast. If you鈥檙e not fortunate enough to have a partner to make it for you yet, you have to do it yourself. That鈥檚 kuku how you work out your arms. Eat and be merry. Wash it down with straight gin. Any other thing, and you鈥檝e failed.
6 a.m.
It鈥檚 time for your daily 1k push-ups. This will aid in the digestion of your food and building of your chest. You need chest.
As a man, why haven’t you bought ? We’re expecting you this Saturday.
6:08 a.m.
Go about your day. Do what you do best, king. Obviously, this means working for yourself, and not someone else. You can鈥檛 be calling someone else 鈥渟ir鈥, or even worse, 鈥渕a鈥.
No. We didn鈥檛 forget bathing. Real men don鈥檛 baff.
12 p.m.
Men deserve breaks too. Use yours to hunt for your lunch. People who sit in their houses to order food off their phones are the problem with humanity and the reason we won鈥檛 survive if the earth was ever in danger.
1 p.m.
Back to work. No food for lazy man.
4 p.m.
It鈥檚 time to find your missing rib. A king needs support because the crown is heavy. We won鈥檛 teach you how to search for a partner o. Do whatever you do best. If you want to go about lying about how much you earn, do it. If you want to steal another man鈥檚 partner, do it. Just find a way. But if you fail, there鈥檚 always tomorrow.
6 p.m.
You鈥檙e hanging out with your guys soon. Quickly pop into your backyard farm to harvest some wheat to brew the beer you people will drink. If you have some bush meat left over from lunch, even better. If you don鈥檛, no dinner for you because you lack discipline.
7 p.m.
Your guys are around. It鈥檚 time to watch football, drink aforementioned beer, play FIFA and argue Messi vs Ronaldo, boobs vs ass and Wizkid vs Davido vs Burna Boy.
Before they leave, kiss them goodnight, lips to lips. But very importantly, don鈥檛 forget to say #NoHomo.
9 p.m.
Taekwondo or boxing classes. Of course, you鈥檙e the teacher. Other 鈥 younger 鈥 men need to learn how to protect their homes and families, and you must teach them.
10 p.m.
Pee all around your house to assert your dominance, so another man doesn鈥檛 become the man of your house before you wake up the following morning. Very important.
10:30 p.m.
Apply your beard oil. Wait? You don鈥檛 have a full beard? Why are you here. Again, this article is for MEN.
11 p.m.
Go to bed, but not before kneeling before the picture of Shola in your room and praying to him to watch over you. Don鈥檛 forget to apologise for any slip-ups you might鈥檝e had during the day. For example, politely asking a woman for her number instead of demanding it.
Go to bed.
1:13 a.m.
Wake up, look in the mirror and remind yourself you鈥檙e the man. Then go back to bed.聽
