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First dates are supposed to be about getting to know someone, but in Nigeria, there’s always a little mathematics involved in dating. How much should dinner cost? Should there be drinks? Who’s paying for the cab ride home? And at what point does a nice first date become an unnecessarily expensive outing?

With the cost of almost everything rising, Nigerians have very different ideas of what a first date should look like. For some, ₦50k can get you good food, ice cream and a decent conversation. For others, anything less than ₦200k means you probably haven’t planned properly. 

We asked Nigerians how much they consider acceptable to spend on a first date, where they’d spend it and what they expect that money to cover. Their answers reveal just how differently we think about money, dating and what counts as a good time.

“₦50k” — Ruth*, F,  22, Delta

₦50k works just fine for me. I’m still at a stage where ₦50k is real money, so I can’t imagine expecting somebody to spend ₦200k on a first date. I’d be happy with a nice café or casual restaurant where we can eat, talk and maybe get ice cream afterwards. If the food is ₦25k and transportation is another ₦15k, we’ve already had a proper evening. I also don’t want someone spending more than they can comfortably afford just because they think that’s what women expect.

“₦100k” — Maxwell*, M,  29, Ibadan

₦100k works best for me because it gives me enough flexibility. I’d probably budget ₦60k to ₦70k for a good restaurant, then keep the rest for drinks, transportation and anything spontaneous. I don’t believe the first date should be cheap just because you’re testing compatibility, but I also don’t think you need to spend ₦300k to show that you’re serious. If I spend ₦100k and we have an amazing time, that’s money well spent. If we don’t click, at least I haven’t spent my rent trying to second-guess chemistry.

“₦100k” — Kamsi*, F, 28, Port Harcourt

₦100k is enough for the whole date, but I wouldn’t expect the man to pay it all. I’m perfectly fine paying my half. He can get the food, I can sort out drinks and dessert, or we can just split the whole bill. 

We’re both adults, and we’re both going on the date because we want to meet each other. I don’t think paying for someone’s meal should automatically become a test of whether they’re a serious man. If he insists on paying, that’s different, but I’m not going to sit there pretending I forgot my wallet.

“₦120k “ — Ife*, F, 30, F, Lagos

₦120k feels reasonable because I want the person to be able to plan a proper evening without being financially reckless. I’d probably expect dinner at a nice restaurant, drinks and transportation, with enough left over for dessert or ice cream. I’m also not impressed by somebody spending ₦120k if I later discover that’s half their monthly income. To me, the amount has to make sense for the person’s lifestyle. I don’t want a man performing wealth for me on the first date and then complaining about how expensive women are afterwards.

“₦200k” — Chuka*, M, 31, M, Calabar

₦200k is a good budget. I’d probably take her to a proper restaurant where dinner and drinks could come to around ₦150k, then we could go somewhere else for cocktails or dessert. 

I’m at a point where I can afford to spend that amount without it becoming a financial crisis, so I don’t see why I should pretend otherwise. But I also wouldn’t judge somebody who wants to spend ₦50k on a first date. Your budget should reflect your pocket, not what Twitter says a man should be spending.

“₦350k” — Nneka*, F, 29, Lagos

₦350k is a reasonable budget for the kind of date I’d enjoy at this stage of my life. I’d probably choose one of the more expensive restaurants, have dinner and drinks, then go somewhere else for cocktails afterwards.

 It depends on what we’re doing. I don’t think women should feel guilty for enjoying expensive dates when the person taking them out can genuinely afford them. What I don’t like is someone spending ₦350k and then acting as if you’ve signed a contract to become their girlfriend just because they bought dinner.

“₦500k” — Kunle*, M, 32, Ibadan

₦500k is the maximum I’d budget for a first date, but I’m not necessarily trying to spend it all. I’d rather have the flexibility to take someone to a very good restaurant, order what we want, get drinks afterwards and not spend the evening doing mental calculations. 

If the whole evening costs ₦300k, that’s fine. If it gets closer to ₦500k, that’s also fine because I can afford it. But I don’t think a man should spend ₦500k on a first date if that’s going to affect his bills. There’s nothing romantic about spending your rent money on dinner.

“₦500k” — Faizah*, F, 31, Abuja

₦500k is honestly around the minimum I’ve spent on a proper date before. I’m not saying that’s what everybody should spend, because obviously, people’s lifestyles and incomes are different. But if someone takes me to a high-end restaurant, then we go somewhere else afterwards, ₦500k doesn’t shock me. 

The mistake people make is assuming that because a date costs ₦500k, the woman must have demanded ₦500k. Sometimes that’s simply the lifestyle both people are already accustomed to. I also don’t expect anything in return because somebody paid for an expensive evening. A date isn’t a transaction.