Dinah* (29) had to step up financially after her dad鈥檚 income loss and eventual death worsened her family鈥檚 financial situation. In this story, she talks about turning to loans to fill the income gap. Although she鈥檚 grateful she can support her family, she also resents that her sister has it easier.
As Told To Boluwatife
As a firstborn daughter, I started subconsciously putting my two sisters鈥 needs ahead of my own from a young age.
At first, it was the small things, like sometimes giving them my snacks when they begged after eating theirs. It was also the occasional big things, like when I was 13 and allowed my 11-year-old sister to wear my Christmas clothes because she was upset that my dad had accidentally burnt hers.
I don鈥檛 remember my parents pressuring me to do those things. The most they did was encourage me to be a good example to my sisters. They didn鈥檛 explicitly say, 鈥淧ut them first,鈥 but I took the 鈥渂e a good example鈥 advice to mean that as well.
I started giving my sisters money when I was in uni. My youngest sister was in JSS 1, and she asked for money the most. It wasn’t serious money, though. Whenever we talked, she鈥檇 ask me to buy her something, and I鈥檇 send 鈧2k or 鈧3k through my mum or my second sister.
In 2020, just as I completed NYSC, my father ran into money problems. The lockdown affected his import business, and then he made a bad investment choice that wiped out his savings. My mum stepped in, but her salary as a teacher struggled to fill the gap my dad鈥檚 income loss left. We were broke.聽
To make matters worse, my immediate younger sister was in a private uni, and my youngest sister was just about to enter. The financial burden was a lot, and even though my parents tried their hardest to provide, I could tell they were struggling.
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My mum sold her car, and she stopped attending parties. My mum is the biggest owambe Nigerian aunty ever, and her inability to buy aso-ebi and souvenirs to attend her parties was the biggest indicator that everything wasn鈥檛 okay.
Fortunately, I got my first job almost immediately after NYSC. My 鈧180k salary wasn鈥檛 huge, but it gave me some independence. I didn鈥檛 have to add to the financial burden at home; more importantly, I could support my family.
I started chipping in for expenses at home: food, gas, electricity and utility bills. Things weren鈥檛 back to normal, but we were surviving.
Then, in 2021, my dad died.
We had to deal with two different types of grief: grief from losing my dad, and grief from relatives who swooped in like vultures to reap where they didn鈥檛 sow. The main bone of contention was our house.
My dad had built it before he married my mum, and his brother (my uncle) had contributed financially to the building. My uncle even had some of the land documents, and after my dad died, he attempted to take ownership. When the wahala became too much, my mum decided to leave the house for him.
Our financial responsibilities increased from just trying to survive and pay school fees to paying rent. My mum took on extra after-school tutorials to make more money, but it wasn鈥檛 enough.
My two sisters鈥 private university tuition ran into millions. My immediate younger sister worked several jobs in school to support herself, but my youngest sister didn鈥檛 have that advantage. She relied on whatever she got from home.
In 2022, I took a loan for the first time to pay part of my youngest sister鈥檚 school fees. Her university allowed us to pay the tuition fees in instalments, but at that point, we were owing 鈧300k, and exams were close.
My mum couldn鈥檛 find money anywhere, and out of the blue, my bank sent me an email that I was eligible for a quick loan. I took out 鈧310k and repaid it in six months. But before I finished repaying that one, I took another 鈥渜uick鈥 鈧100k loan from a loan app. Why? The repayment schedule from my bank reduced my monthly income to about 鈧100k, which hardly covered my transportation and living expenses.
That鈥檚 where the loan cycle started. The loans were supposed to be emergency options until my salary came, but I was drowning in a sea of interest rates and repayments. I was taking loans from one place to repay another loan. At my lowest, I was owing seven different loan apps a total of 鈧800k and fielding harassment calls from their loan collectors.
Things didn鈥檛 improve even after I changed jobs in 2024 and started earning 鈧300k. My mum also had to take it easy at work because of a lingering wound from a domestic accident 鈥 she has diabetes, which affected the wound healing process鈥 so I became the de facto breadwinner.
I often feel like my youngest sister doesn鈥檛 fully appreciate the extent to which my mum and I went to secure her education. This babe called me early this year for 鈧350k for final year week celebrations. She wanted to buy a dinner gown, do her hair, and take pictures. She knows I complain about loans, but somehow, she just expects me to come through for her.
She has finally graduated, and I鈥檓 glad to be free of the financial burden. However, I鈥檓 still stuck in a loan cycle. I owe two different loan apps a total of 鈧408k, and I borrow from another at least once a month. I think it鈥檚 an addiction because I literally can鈥檛 do without loans. My salary doesn鈥檛 last two weeks, and I must borrow money to stay afloat.
I鈥檝e tried to mentally calculate how I can afford to be debt-free and not have to take loans anymore, but the only way that鈥檒l work is if I can double my income to 鈧600k or 鈧700k. With the level I am now, it鈥檚 not possible.
I can鈥檛 really blame anyone for my financial situation. No one forced me to take the responsibility, and I鈥檓 grateful I could support my mum and siblings. That said, I can鈥檛 help feeling some sort of resentment towards my youngest sister. She got to live a soft life and will probably never have to worry about providing for any sibling.
Why didn鈥檛 I also have the luck of coming as a lastborn? Why did my dad have to die? Did I do too much for my family? Will I ever make sense of my finances?
I鈥檒l probably never have answers to these questions, so it鈥檚 best not to dwell on them. I just have to focus on trying to live for myself now and see what my life can be without black tax lurking in the shadows.
*Name has been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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