The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In聽Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
I鈥檝e been with my husband, Hosea, since 2018, so that鈥檚 six years. We got married in 2023.
How did you and Hosea meet?
We matched on Tinder, but we didn鈥檛 live in the same city. Tinder shows you people who live farther away if you don鈥檛 match with people close to you. I was also using Tinder Premium, so I could even meet people outside Nigeria.
Hosea and I texted for five months until I moved to his city to start my master鈥檚 degree. He was in his final year of medical school. Our first date was at the cinema, and our second date was at his place. He asked me to be his girlfriend during the second date, and I said yes.
You were both students?
Yes, but I had a thriving online thrift business that brought me around 鈧100k in profits monthly. I was even considerably better off financially, as he couldn鈥檛 work much for money due to the demanding nature of medical school. He occasionally had a project management gig with someone that paid him 鈧200k – 鈧400k about twice a year, but that was all.
Although I earned more, Hosea took care of 100% of our date expenses and the bills when I visited. He鈥檇 even still give me transport money on top.
In 2020, I finished my master鈥檚 degree and returned home. Hosea also moved to Abuja for his housemanship, and we transitioned into a long-distance relationship.
What was that like?
It was tough. The lockdown happened, and we didn鈥檛 see each other for a year. Then we started to grow apart and broke up for about seven months. While we were broken up, I got into another relationship and almost got married. But he was too wealthy for me, and I broke it off.
Did you say, 鈥渢oo wealthy鈥?
I know it sounds funny, but I like having financial autonomy. Having my own money makes me feel safe, like I can make decisions for myself. This other guy gave me so many gifts: plots of land, gold, a car, and even a house. He wanted to get married immediately, but the financial gap between us was too wide.
I didn鈥檛 know what he did for money 鈥攚e didn鈥檛 even talk about things like that, and it didn鈥檛 feel like our marriage would be a partnership. I wouldn鈥檛 be able to make any decision because he had everything. I just didn鈥檛 feel relaxed. In the end, I had a talk with him and we ended the engagement.
Around the same time, Hosea came back and asked that we give it another try, so we got back together in 2021. He started talking about marriage, too, but I wasn鈥檛 ready.
Any reason why?
I just wanted to take my time. In 2022, I got a job that paid 鈧370k/month as a pharmaceutical rep. I鈥檇 expanded my thrift business to wholesale, and it brought in an additional 鈧400k/month. Hosea was working at a private hospital in Abuja and earned 鈧700k/month.
In December 2022, I visited my parents and invited Hosea over. That鈥檚 how he told my dad he wanted to come and marry me. In summary, wedding planning started, and we got married in 2023.
How did you both handle wedding expenses?
We initially budgeted 鈧4m – 鈧5m for the wedding, then Hosea brought out only 鈧1m and said it was his savings. I was surprised because where was the remaining money supposed to come from? Why would you use your life savings for a wedding?
We had to cut down on a lot of things, but my parents ended up covering the bulk of the expenses, as they wanted a big celebration for their first daughter. I only paid for my makeup. Looking back, I should鈥檝e asked Hosea a lot more questions about his plans for the wedding expenses, but I didn鈥檛 think much of it.
After the wedding, we realised 鈧2.1m from the money people sprayed us, and Hosea used it to rent an apartment and buy a mattress for us in Abuja. Up until then, he鈥檇 been living with his sibling鈥檚 family.
I still lived and worked in my city while he set up the place. So, we did long-distance and frequent visits for the first few months of our marriage until I joined him in 2024.
How did your homes run in those first few months?
Our finances were still very separate. I鈥檝e always been a big saver, so I didn鈥檛 need to ask him for money. I鈥檓 always keeping my money in the bank or tying it down in gold jewellery.
But Hosea鈥檚 own is to give money to the church. I didn鈥檛 know that at the time, though. All I knew was he liked handling his expenses himself and that he had a provider mindset. When he was setting up our place, I had to deliberately chip in because he wouldn鈥檛 ask me for anything.聽
I resigned in January 2024 and moved to Abuja to join him. I was also pregnant, so it had become stressful to run my business and work. I had to stop the business when I moved because Abuja isn鈥檛 close to places like Onitsha, where I can travel to buy cloth bales.
Then, I realised just how different our money habits were when we started living together.
How different?
First of all, he had so many things taking his money. When Hosea receives his salary, he sends money to his mum, then his sister and his dad. Then he pays tithe, removes church offerings, fuel and other utility bills. At the end of the day, he only has about 鈧150k left from 鈧700k. So, we have to manage that for food.
I鈥檝e had to chip in several times to supplement whatever he dropped for food. I had 鈧8m in my savings when I moved in, so I was happy to buy food and do things around the house without asking him.
I told Hosea about my savings, and we decided to open a joint savings account. I put 鈧5m in the account and sent random amounts every month. Hosea, on his part, sent 鈧100k monthly there. We had a baby on the way, so we wanted to be prepared. He also told me he had a personal 鈧150k/month savings.
This brings me to the second thing I noticed about his money habits, which is the one I mentioned earlier about giving so much money to the church. I realised how serious it was when I had my baby, and he said there was no money to pay the hospital bills. My dad had to support the 鈧700k bill because my baby was put in intensive care, and Hosea kept complaining about money. It was so embarrassing.聽
After we were discharged, I sat him down to ask why he acted like that. That鈥檚 how my husband said he鈥檇 actually cleared out all our savings to sew a seed in church months before.
Wait. The whole thing?
The whole thing, including my 鈧5m. He said he was led by the spirit. He even showed me the transaction receipt. I cried so much to my mum because I wasn鈥檛 sure what else to do. I鈥檇 trusted him with our finances, and he did that. I knew he was more serious with church than me 鈥 I don鈥檛 even go to church 鈥 but I didn鈥檛 know it extended to finances. Maybe if I鈥檇 been following him to church, I might have known earlier. He actually cleared every single naira.
I鈥檓 so sorry about that. How did you move past that?
At first, I was angry and heartbroken, but I had mixed feelings. I was angry at Hosea, but was I supposed to stay angry at Jesus? I believe Nigerian pastors are scammers, but there wasn鈥檛 much I could do. However, the joint account is dead and buried.聽
For two months after the incident, I made sure Hosea handed over his salary so I could oversee the expenses. I still ran every decision by him, but I made the payments. Then I started feeling bad that he wasn鈥檛 handling the money he worked for.
Besides, we couldn鈥檛 do that in the long term. If I can鈥檛 trust my partner with finances, it鈥檒l impact our marriage negatively. So, we returned to our usual arrangement on the condition that he鈥檇 make money available for me, the house and our baby when we needed it. He can spend the rest on church as he likes, as long as he provides for us.
Oh. How鈥檚 that working so far?
It鈥檚 going well. He gives me a personal 鈧50k allowance monthly, then 鈧100k for food and provisions and 鈧70k for the baby鈥檚 needs. Sometimes, I still supplement with some of the savings I manage to gather. I just have to make it work because I know he won鈥檛 stop giving to the church. He clearly told me he didn鈥檛 regret giving away our life savings, he just regrets not telling me. That鈥檚 just who he is.
A few months ago, I really needed to change my phone, and he said he only had 鈧100k. As a good wife, I collected it and said I鈥檇 add money to it. That same evening, they sold anointed handkerchiefs at church, and he bought two at 鈧80k on the spot.聽
So, for him, it鈥檚 church first. He even pays the pastor 鈧20k/month 鈥 a pastor who has a private jet. But I don鈥檛 want to think about that. I wish he spent less in church, but it鈥檚 a no-go area for him, and he won鈥檛 compromise on it. He says he鈥檚 doing it for our future, so I just have to trust him. As long as he鈥檚 performing his responsibilities at home, he can continue his giving.
You mentioned savings earlier. Is this from your allowance?
I occasionally get small contracts to supply drinks at events. Those come like once every two months, and I make at least 鈧80k on each job.聽
I鈥檝e been thinking of starting a business, but I haven鈥檛 come up with anything yet. I also make some money from sports betting. The gambling isn鈥檛 regular, though. When I need some money, I鈥檒l put 鈧200k on 1.1 odds, run the bet for five straight days and make 鈧20k each day. I try not to do more than that so I don鈥檛 lose money.聽
I hardly lose because I鈥檓 a very careful gambler. Sometimes, when my husband is very broke, he gives me money and tells me to do my sports betting magic.
So, that鈥檚 where my savings come from. I’ve bled through most of it and only have 鈧700k currently. In January, I put my husband on a savings app and make sure he saves 鈧30k/month since he always complains about being broke.
Is there room in the budget for dates and romance stuff?
Oh yes. Besides our different approaches to money, my husband is a really good man, and our marriage is great. Sometimes, he takes and uses the income to plan dates. For this year鈥檚 Valentine鈥檚 Day, we had a really nice outing that cost him about 鈧200k. In December 2024, we had a three-day family getaway in another city.
He also regularly buys me stuff. Just recently, he got me six new dresses. I鈥檓 hoping I can save enough money to take us on a trip to Ghana later this year. I figure it might cost up to 鈧2m. If it doesn鈥檛 work out, we might just go to a resort in Lagos instead.
What鈥檚 your ideal financial future as a couple?
Japa. I鈥檝e been trying to convince Hosea to take the or any medical exam that can help us relocate, but he鈥檚 worried he might fail. I still have the gold, plots of land, and house from my ex-boyfriend, which should give us at least 鈧40m if we sell them.聽
That should be more than enough to cover the exams and relocation costs, but Hosea thinks it鈥檒l be a waste of time and money we could鈥檝e given the church if he fails. I鈥檓 just hoping he鈥檚 open to it soon.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: The Lagos Housewife Trying to Make the Best of Her 鈧100k Allowance
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