The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In听Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?听If yes,听.
How long have you been with your partner?
Three years and some months. We started dating towards the end of 2021.
How did you meet?
We met in 2020 on WhatsApp. We were both 200-level students of the same university and members of a school WhatsApp group. The group was mostly for fun and cruise.
One day, someone sent my picture to the group. I got angry and asked the person to take it down. Yinka messaged me privately, asking me not to be angry about the picture since it was just for jokes.
After that incident, we kept talking and realised we lived in the same neighbourhood. That鈥檚 how we became friends. He鈥檇 come to my hostel at night and we鈥檇 gist with my roommate. I was in a relationship then, so we were just friends for a while.
However, my boyfriend didn鈥檛 have my time. We often had issues, and I鈥檓 quite emotional, so I was always crying. Yinka was there, supporting me emotionally and even financially. I eventually left the other guy, and Yinka and I started dating.
You mentioned Yinka supported you financially?
Yes. We were both students without major sources of income, but Yinka often supported me with 鈧1k here or 鈧2k there. He did that because he was aware of some issues I had with my sister, whom I depended on for pocket money.
I wanted to try network marketing to sell goods and make money, but my sister preferred that I help out in her shop. We disagreed, so she stopped giving me money, and Yinka stepped up. His only source of income was the 鈧10k – 鈧20k monthly allowance from his parents, but he helped with random cash and food items. I also did a two-month stint at a hair salon during this time.
Six months into our relationship, my roommate moved, and I couldn鈥檛 afford rent on my own 鈥 I was still having issues with my sister 鈥 so I moved in with Yinka.
What was that like?
It was really nice. Initially, Yinka handled almost all the expenses. He gave me money when we needed to cook, and sometimes transport fare to school. But my mum later found out about the issue with my sister, and she started sending me the occasional 鈧2k to manage. So, I was able to contribute to the expenses as well.
Yinka and I were very transparent with money. Whenever either of our parents sent us money, we spent it together. We didn鈥檛 have major issues in the two years we lived together. I might not have left at all if he hadn鈥檛 cheated.
He cheated?
Yeah, but I know why he did. We haven鈥檛 had actual sex since we started dating. I have undiagnosed . Undiagnosed because I don鈥檛 have the money to go to a proper doctor, but my symptoms point to that condition.
I found out in 100 level when I was making out with a guy, and penetration became impossible. The guy even said, 鈥淎re you sure you have a vagina?鈥 It was funny because I see my period and everything. I don鈥檛 just know why that happened. Since then, I have tried several times. My ex even dedicated a whole day to trying, but it didn鈥檛 work. Instead, I went home with body pains.
I鈥檓 sorry you had to go through that
Thanks. I told Yinka about my condition before we started dating, and he told me that he would try to wait until I could. So, when I saw the chats between him and another student, it broke me. We talked about it, and he stopped. I considered that he wasn鈥檛 really the type to do something like that, so I forgave him.
A few months later, I saw another set of flirty chats between him and a church member, and I just got tired. I kept thinking of how I鈥檇 get my own place so we wouldn鈥檛 date again. I even started flirting with someone else online, and Yinka saw the chats. I was just ready to leave.
I gathered money from my mum and some money gifts I received on my birthday, rented a 鈧40k/year room and moved out. This was in 2023, and I was in my final year. About a month later, Yinka came and said we should forget everything and start afresh.
What was your response?
I agreed. Honestly, Yinka is a good person to me, and I consider him my best friend. I think having someone else is normal for guys, so I can cope. In fact, I told him last month that he鈥檚 free to satisfy his needs outside.
You did?
Yes. Yinka always wants us to try to see if sex will work, and it鈥檚 a major inconvenience for me. We鈥檝e tried lubricant and everything. I don鈥檛 want him to feel like I鈥檓 denying him.
So, I told him he can have sex with other people, but don鈥檛 let me find out. However, he said doing it outside would be expensive since he鈥檇 spend money, and he鈥檇 rather wait. So, that鈥檚 where we are now. Also, we moved back in together a few months ago.
Oh. Why?
I graduated late last year and thought I鈥檇 have been called for NYSC by now, so I only paid six months’ rent. Unfortunately, NYSC hasn鈥檛 worked out yet, so I鈥檓 living with Yinka while I wait.
In the meantime, I got a job as a shop assistant, earning 鈧40k/month. I also design on Canva and occasionally get design gigs, but those don鈥檛 come regularly.
Join 1,000+ Nigerians, finance experts and industry leaders at for a day of real, raw conversations about money and financial freedom. and secure your spot at the money event of the year, where you’ll get the practical tools to 10x your income, network with the biggest players in your industry, and level up in your career and business.
Do you and Yinka share living expenses like before?
I鈥檝e been handling the expenses this time. Yinka is almost perfect, but his small flaw is being laid back. He鈥檚 so focused on getting freelance design gigs that pay in dollars that he doesn鈥檛 want to do any salary work. When he doesn鈥檛 get gigs, he prefers to sleep at home.
I feel like it鈥檚 not realistic to rely on gigs that come once in a few months. I鈥檓 not complaining about handling the bills; it鈥檚 the least I can do considering all he鈥檚 done for me. But I鈥檓 worried he鈥檚 not thinking about the future. I don鈥檛 mind cleaning for money if necessary, but Yinka selects what he wants to do. His parents were ready to give him money to learn a skill he showed interest in a few months ago, but he just stopped talking about it.
I don鈥檛 like how Yinka isn鈥檛 making efforts for his future. He had an extra year, so he鈥檒l be graduating this year. I鈥檝e asked him, 鈥淲hat if freelancing doesn鈥檛 work?鈥 He said he doesn鈥檛 know, but he might start a business. Where will the capital for the business come from? He said he鈥檇 figure it out when he got there.
Hmmm
It鈥檚 a major concern for me because of my family background. My mum was a 鈥渕arried single mother鈥. My dad wasn鈥檛 there financially, and she single-handedly raised the children. My sister鈥檚 husband also doesn鈥檛 have a particular job he鈥檚 doing. I don鈥檛 want that for myself.
I鈥檓 always talking to Yinka about my concerns and why he needs to be intentional about the future. But it鈥檚 always like I鈥檓 talking to myself. I can talk for two hours, and he鈥檒l stay silent throughout. When I finish talking, he鈥檒l just say, 鈥淚鈥檝e heard鈥 and continue what he鈥檚 doing. I鈥檝e decided I won鈥檛 say anything again.
I can鈥檛 even talk to anyone about these concerns because it鈥檇 be like I鈥檓 painting him badly. Our friends know we鈥檝e been together for a long time and expect we鈥檒l get married. So, I鈥檒l be like the bad person if I complain about his only flaw.
But do you see yourselves getting married?
I鈥檓 confused. I see a future with Yinka, but that financial aspect is crucial for me. He鈥檚 supposed to be the leader, and I can support him. I don鈥檛 mind supporting even if he鈥檚 broke to minus zero. I just want to see him step up. Even if the job pays 鈧10k, do it. I鈥檝e done several odd jobs for money, and I want someone who can complement me in that area; someone with an even higher drive to get things working. I don鈥檛 see that in Yinka, at least not so far.
Hmmm. How do you both keep the romance alive in your relationship?
This will sound ridiculous, but we鈥檝e never gone on a date. Our journey has mostly been struggling to feed and graduate. I love romantic stuff, but there鈥檚 no space for it now. I鈥檓 even trying to save for when NYSC finally calls me. There鈥檚 no room for extra expenses.
How鈥檚 that safety net looking?
It鈥檚 nothing much. I just try to save at least 鈧1k monthly in a savings app. I also met someone online a few months ago, and he鈥檚 been very supportive financially. He sends me random money and internet data. During my convocation, he sent me 鈧20k. I know he鈥檒l turn up when it鈥檚 time for NYSC.
There鈥檚 nothing romantic going on, but I know he probably wants that. He鈥檚 separated from his wife and doesn鈥檛 know I have a boyfriend. I know it sounds like cheating even though nothing is going on, but omo, anything to survive. I鈥檓 sorry, but I need all the financial help I can get.
What does the future look like for you and Yinka?
Honestly, it鈥檚 not very bright. It doesn鈥檛 look like he鈥檒l change, so I may leave him after I go for service. I can鈥檛 keep advising a 25-year-old if he doesn鈥檛 want to be intentional. Deciding to end things will be heartbreaking, but I鈥檒l have to do it.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ:听The POS Agent Dating on a 鈧30k Weekly Income
