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Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.

Deji* (29) and Teni* (27) have been together for three years and plan to tie the knot next year. In preparation for their wedding, they’ve been jointly saving for about two years. Recently, Deji invested a bulk of their savings into a bad deal without Teni’s knowledge. While he’s ready to bear the loss, Teni isn’t as forgiving. Now he’s stuck wondering if he has doomed their relationship.

When you’re done reading, you’ll get to decide: Did he fuck up or not?

This is Deji’s Dilemma, As Told To Boluwatife

The past three years have been the most peaceful and happy I’ve been in my life. But I may have just done something to change that.

I met Teni* at a friend’s wedding in 2022, an event I almost didn’t attend. I’d debated sleeping away my exhaustion from work over spending my precious weekend at yet another social gathering. I’m glad I eventually decided to attend.

Teni and I shared a table at the wedding. I remember stealing glances at the beautiful lady beside me, wondering how to start up a conversation with her. My opportunity came when the ushers served food, and we both reached for the only plate of amala on the tray. 

I gestured for her to take the food, and when she did, I joked that she’d have to repay me with pounded yam. She laughed — this soft, musical sound — and that was it. I was gone.

We talked the entire afternoon, and I asked for her number. By the time we went on our first date a week later, it felt like we had known each other for years. 

Everything with her was easy. Natural. Teni challenged me, supported me, and filled my life with a kind of peace I didn’t even know I needed. Early this year, I proposed at the same restaurant where we had our first date. It was perfect.

Even before our engagement, we’ve been preparing for the life we want to build together. We always knew that we’d most likely get married in 2026. Since December 2023, we’ve been saving jointly for the wedding and our future home — both of us contributing at least 30% of our monthly income. 

We didn’t have a savings goal; the plan was to set aside some money so we wouldn’t have to raise money again when the time came.

Teni is a freelancer and experiences periods of high income flow, so she sometimes contributed more than 30%. For me, I already had plenty of living expenses and family responsibilities on my ₦650k salary, so I maintained my 30%. 

We had a system that worked: I already had a mutual fund account, so we directed our savings there due to the high returns (between 18% and 20% per annum). We’d started active wedding planning right after I proposed, so we finally drew up a budget of ₦10m. We already had close to ₦5m saved, so it was a matter of raising the rest. 

Teni handled the organisation, tracking how much we had and what we still needed, while I managed the vendors and coordinated plans. We made a great team.

Everything changed two months ago.

A friend told me about an importation business opportunity. The idea was to pool money to import gadgets, household decor, and fashion accessories from countries like China and sell them to wholesalers for a profit in Nigeria. 

He swore it was legit. He told me he’d personally invested in it and showed me testimonials. I didn’t have to do the actual groundwork. I just needed to provide the capital, and I would practically make almost double my investment in a few months. It seemed like a genuine opportunity.

I kept thinking about how much it would help with the wedding, how proud Teni would be if I suddenly eased our financial burden and had more than enough left to start our family together. It felt like a chance to be a hero.

So, without telling her, I took out ₦3m from our joint savings and put it into it.

The plan was to surprise her when the returns came in. I imagined telling her how I’d proactively invested our money and made double back. It was supposed to be a good thing.

But the whole thing collapsed.

My “friend” disappeared. When I traced him down to his family’s house, I learnt he did the same thing to a few other people to raise money to relocate out of the country. The business itself was real; he just used it as an opportunity to steal.

Telling Teni was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. She thought I was joking at first. She was furious when she eventually realised I was serious, accusing me of “gambling with our future behind my back.”

I tried to explain. I told her it was meant to be a surprise, that I was thinking of us. I even swore to raise the ₦3m back somehow and pay back every kobo. I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal. 

Granted, my friend had scammed me, but it wasn’t because I misjudged a business opportunity. It was the person involved who turned out to be a snake. If all had gone well, she’d most likely be happy I took the initiative. 

Besides, the wedding was still months away, and I could recover the money before then, even if it meant saving every naira of my salary.

But Teni said it wasn’t about the money. It was about trust.

For weeks now, she’s been cold and distant. She says she’s wondering if this should be a deal breaker; whether she can marry someone who would make a major decision about their shared life without even talking to her. 

I keep telling her she’s overreacting. I didn’t cheat or lie for selfish reasons, and I didn’t do anything to hurt her on purpose. But every time I say that, she just sighs like she’s tired of explaining something I refuse to understand.

And maybe I truly don’t understand. To me, it still feels like a mistake I can fix if she’ll just give me a chance. But to her, it feels like a betrayal.

She hardly calls me these days, and I feel stuck in a loop. I’ve sent apologies after apologies, but a part of me feels she’s dragging this too much. Still, another part of me worries that she may have already made up her mind, and I might lose her. I’m not sure what I can do at this point.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity. 

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