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Love may not cost a thing, but dating certainly does. From the girlfriends who treated their partners’ salaries like joint accounts to those who brought endless financial emergencies, these eight Nigerian men share the most financially demanding relationships they’ve ever been in, and the expensive lessons they learned from them. 

“She used my card without telling me” — Ray*, 29

An ex-girlfriend secretly used my debit card details for months. I’d given it to her to pay for a subscription and forgot about it. Because of the nature of my work, I’m constantly getting bank alerts, so I don’t really pay attention to debits below ₦20k.

One day, while trying to trace a transaction, I noticed a consistent ₦10k debit that  amounted to about ₦700k. Believing my card had been compromised, I told my babe what I noticed, and she said, “Oh. I made those purchases.” When I asked why she’d do that without telling me, she looked confused and asked, “But isn’t your money our money?”  

We had been dating for five months.

“She wanted me to spend ₦300k on her birthday” — Ibrahim*, 26

My last relationship was with a girl who claimed her love language was “receiving gifts and money.” At first, I gave her gifts and sent her the random ₦5k once in a while, as is my habit when I love someone. However, she began measuring my love solely by money. If I sent her ₦5k this week, and sent nothing the following week, she’d say she wasn’t feeling loved. 

The moment I knew I was done was when she sent me a PDF list of things she wanted for her birthday. It was a full list with prices and links to Instagram vendor pages. The total was over ₦300k. That’s the same amount I pay for rent.

“I dated an ‘upcoming baddie’” — Ayo*, 25

When I was a stupid 19-year-old undergraduate, I dated an upcoming baddie whose role models were Instagram big girls. She kept trying to imitate their lifestyles, and I suffered for it. Every outing we went on had to be an “aesthetic place.” I even scammed my dad of ₦100k to celebrate Valentine’s Day at a hotel because of that girl. 

We eventually broke up after she found an actual rich kid who didn’t have to scam his parents to give her the lifestyle she wanted. Wherever you are, Chioma*, my God will judge you.

“She was a student” — Chinedu*, 31

I dated someone who was still in university while I had a full-time job. Because I was earning a salary, most expenses automatically became my responsibility. From handout costs to food and data needs, I was somehow involved in everything. 

We dated for two years, and I spent at least ₦15k every week helping her with one thing or another. When she graduated, I gave her ₦50k for her photoshoot. We eventually drifted apart after her uncle sponsored her to join his family abroad. 

Looking back, I spent more money in that relationship than I was actually comfortable with.

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“She was constantly starting businesses” — Gbenga*, 34

My most financially demanding relationship was with a woman who constantly started businesses. Every two or three months, she’d tell me about a new idea that was guaranteed to “change her life,” and I’d try my best to be a supportive boyfriend.

We dated for two years, and I financially supported six businesses during that time. She tried everything from perfumes to thrifting to skincare. None survived longer than four months. I still have cartons of unsold detox tea in my house from one of her failed businesses.

“She was constantly billing me” — Mike*, 31

My last serious girlfriend used to literally spend my salary with me. Once I got paid, she’d suddenly remember she needed money to do her hair or sort out some emergency that always appeared from nowhere.

One month, I decided to lie. I claimed that my salary was delayed and that I was broke. She showed up at my house with food because, according to her, she wanted to console me so I wouldn’t think about money too much. The moment she realised I’d actually been paid, she asked me for ₦100k before leaving the next morning. I gave it to her.

“Her family problems were too much” — Paul*, 28

My ex-girlfriend wasn’t actually the problem. It was her family. She had a sickle cell sibling, and her retired dad had suffered a stroke and couldn’t walk properly. Every few weeks, there always seemed to be a crisis that needed financial assistance. 

I really loved her, so I tried to stick around for the first few months and help when I could. But after I took out a ₦250k loan to help her with a hospital bill, I realised I couldn’t continue like that for the rest of my life. I didn’t even break up with her. I just ghosted her. How do you tell someone you don’t want to date again because of her family’s problems?

“She was like a monitoring spirit” — Dele*, 27

The reason I can’t cohabit with a woman again is because of Mary*, the last girlfriend who lived with me. That girl drained me. She was like a monitoring spirit; she knew the second money entered my account and always made sure I spent it on her.

Before we started living together, I used to save ₦100k monthly. When she moved in, I couldn’t save again. It got to a point where I’d “borrow” money from her to give her. Like she could ask me for money for hair, if I didn’t have it, she’d offer to use her own money and then disturb me to pay her back. We lived together for a year, and that was the brokest I’ve ever been.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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