Rising musician has built a name off love songs filled with heartbreaks and commitment issues. But behind the lyrics are real stories from his own life.
In an interview with 91大神, he opened up about the inspiration behind the lyrics 鈥 鈥淪he no care about balling鈥asanova / But she know that I no go treat am well鈥, from his latest single, 鈥溾 鈥 a personal experience from years ago that still haunts him today.
This is Skinny Skater鈥檚 story as told to Marv.
I鈥檝e never been good at commitment. I hate being tied down. My parents are divorced, and all four of my uncles are divorced and unmarried, too. Maybe it鈥檚 because of those experiences and the people I鈥檝e seen around me, but the idea of belonging to someone entirely has always made me uneasy.
I have been to therapy because of this, and it couldn鈥檛 even fix me. Rather, I spent a lot of time rehashing my lack of commitment, things I already knew.
They gave me tools to help me manage it and patterns to look out for, but it didn鈥檛 work.
I like freedom. I like being able to do what I want, when I want. But that freedom also comes with its own kind of loneliness, which I love because no visitor means everything is left and kept where I put it.
A lot of this is about control. I like being the one who decides how close or how far things go. Love makes me surrender that control, and that scares me. I鈥檝e always been the guy who wants to handle everything on his own, who doesn鈥檛 like to depend on anyone. But when I care about someone deeply and they’re always around, dependence and vulnerability sneak in quietly. I wasn鈥檛 ready when this happened with a girl I dated some years ago.
When I met her in 2018, she was the first person I had a long-term relationship with. Initially, I didn鈥檛 think it would become anything serious.
For a year and a half that we were together, it was mostly great. She had a calm personality and was the kind of babe that made me feel seen. And even though I didn鈥檛 plan for it, I found myself getting used to her. She made things easy. She鈥檇 call to check on me, show up when I needed someone, and never ask for too much. That鈥檚 what got me.
I liked it. It felt good, but it also scared me. I knew what it could mean, and I wasn鈥檛 sure I wanted that. Her kindness felt like she had ulterior motives.
I thought she was too nice and too good for me.
She began to notice things changing and complained about it. Many times she tried to talk to them about it. She wanted more of me and my presence. I could feel it in the way she鈥檇 ask questions 鈥 鈥淲hat are we doing?鈥 鈥淲here is this going?鈥 鈥淒o you see us together for real?鈥 I didn鈥檛 have the answers. Sometimes I鈥檇 change the topic; sometimes I鈥檇 just stay quiet. I wasn鈥檛 trying to hurt her, but I didn鈥檛 know how to tell her the truth, that I didn鈥檛 want to be committed. I just wanted things to stay how they were.
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But I knew that I couldn’t expect someone who loved me to stay in the dark forever. She started pulling away, little by little. She鈥檇 reply slower, cancel plans, and stop calling first. I noticed, but I didn鈥檛 bring it up. I told myself, 鈥淚f it鈥檚 meant to be, it will be.鈥 That was a lie I said to make myself feel better. Deep down, I knew I was the reason things were falling apart.
When it finally ended, I couldn鈥檛 even explain what happened. There was no big fight, no argument. Just silence that grew until it swallowed everything. One day, she stopped showing up, and I didn鈥檛 go after her. Maybe I thought she鈥檇 come back; perhaps I didn鈥檛 want to face what losing her meant.
She was so hurt, she joined an X (at the time Twitter) trend about bad ex-lovers, and she made a thread about me, detailing how I鈥檓 not present, committed, unfit to have a relationship with anyone. Some friends shared it with me and it hurt a little bit.
I tried to move on like it was nothing. I told myself I was fine, that I didn鈥檛 need anyone. Actually, she wasn’t in my head anymore. I was busy with other things, like my music. But most relationship-leaning songs I wrote somehow had a bit of our story. That鈥檚 when I realised it wasn鈥檛 nothing. It was something real, and I鈥檇 lost it because I was scared of commitment.
That鈥檚 where my new single 鈥淐asanova鈥 came from. I was talking to myself, confessing. I wasn鈥檛 proud of how things went down. I knew I let her on. I gave her reasons to believe we were building something when, in reality, I was too afraid to build anything at all.
It鈥檚 strange, because I wrote the song this year, almost four years after we drifted apart. I write love songs all the time. I can describe what heartbreak feels like and how it sounds. But living through it is a different kind of lesson. Writing it was the first time I admitted that I was the problem. That I wasn鈥檛 some victim of heartbreak, I was the one causing it.
You might hear 鈥淐asanova鈥 and think it鈥檚 about being a player, but it’s really about being lost. It鈥檚 about wanting love but being afraid of what it asks of you. I didn鈥檛 set out to hurt anyone; I was just scared of being vulnerable.
Now, when I listen to that song, it feels like a mirror. It reminds me of who I am, because I鈥檓 still struggling. Other relationships I have had since then haven’t lasted up to four months. Even now, I鈥檓 currently in one that’s just a few months old.
I鈥檓 sure I鈥檝e not changed completely, but I鈥檓 learning to own up to what I did. She showed me what fear looks like: my own reflection, hiding behind excuses. I鈥檓 learning that I can鈥檛 keep someone halfway. I either show up or I don鈥檛.
My ex from years ago is married with kids now, and I don’t have any attachment to her anymore. I learned through her, but there’s nothing more to say to each other.
Other people I meet now, I don鈥檛 make promises I can鈥檛 keep. I don鈥檛 say what I don鈥檛 mean. I don鈥檛 hold someone鈥檚 hand just because it feels good in the moment, because affection can be misleading if it鈥檚 not backed by intention.
The fear is still there, and I鈥檓 afraid it’s how I’m always going to be. It’s especially frightening when I think about how those close to me have the same commitment issues, and mine is just like an extension.
