What would a world where Nigerian musicians were practising therapists be like?
Don鈥檛 think about it to much. We know.
Portable
First of all, as you鈥檙e going to meet him for advice, anything your eyes see, take it like that. Apart from the fact that he can misguide you so bad that your life would be worse than when you first met him, your entire business would also be in the public. Once you miss Portable鈥檚 payment like this, he鈥檒l go on IG live to tell everyone about your childhood trauma, abandonment issues and serial infidelity.
Asa
Expensive as hell, but the thing is, after one therapy session, no matter how fucked up your issues are, this woman will fix you. But you won鈥檛 admit it because you want to keep spending time with her because you love her a bit too much.
(I think I might have gone a little too personal there. Sorry, guys.)
Wizkid
This man is good at his job, but he never has his own advice to give you. It鈥檚 always what someone else tells him that he鈥檇 come back and tell you.
Asake
While you鈥檙e telling Asake your secrets, he鈥檒l interrupt you halfway to ask if he can add you to his group of choral backup singers. Next thing, you鈥檙e in the studio with 15 other patients shouting 鈥淓miliano rora鈥 at the top of your voice.
Ayra Starr
If you鈥檙e not Gen-Z, please don鈥檛 even bother booking a therapy session with Ayra Starr. Do you know the meaning of periodt? Or Purrr? This is the vocabulary you鈥檙e going to meet there, so just save yourself the extra headache. Before you go there sad and leave confused.聽
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Burna Boy
Burna Boy will talk about himself 90% of the time, and you need to be careful not to interrupt the African Giant, or request that he pays attention to your own issues. But when he finally advises you, it鈥檚, 鈥淵ou need igbo and shayo.鈥 Simple.
Tems
After spending hours telling Tems all your issues in life, all you鈥檒l get is, 鈥淐razy things are happening.鈥 But her beauty will heal you, so win win.
Kizz Daniel
You鈥檝e heard from everyone that he鈥檚 a great therapist, but after you pay and arrive at his office, he鈥檒l tell his receptionist to tell you he鈥檚 not around.
Davido
He鈥檚 the therapist with all the good vibes. He may mistakenly broke-shame you multiple times sha.
Tope Alabi
After all your talk, Tope Alabi will have just one question 鈥 鈥淗ave you tried Jesus?鈥 And if you stay a bit longer, a deliverance session will start.聽
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