At first, it was love, or at least it looked like it. Until it wasn鈥檛. In the wild west of dating, while semi-famous, the expectations to foot bills can be endless.
In this As Told To, opens up about falling hard, loving honestly and how his interactions with famous celebrities led to his girlfriend demanding exorbitant money from him.
This is ShineTTW鈥檚 story as told to Marv.
I had just attended Lagos Fashion Week 2024 when a contact who worked at a fashion magazine in New York, US, reached out to ask if I would like to attend some of the New York Fashion Week shows. It would be my first fashion event outside Nigeria. I accepted the offer, even though I didn’t tell them I had to save up for it. It cost me a lot of money to be there, but I wanted to be at the show.
Then boom, as one of the Nigerian artists at聽 New York Fashion Week. That was cool to see that, but also a bit strange. I wasn鈥檛 even pushing myself as a fashion-forward musician at that point. But I felt good to be in the spotlight.聽
People were paying attention even when I wasn鈥檛 performing.
That visibility came as both a blessing and a curse. The truth is, people especially women, never really meet the real me.. They meet 鈥渢he artist,鈥 the me that went to New York Fashion Week. The guy in the fashion photos, the interviews and music videos. They fall for the idea, not the reality. And in the event that love blossoms, that illusion is always in the mix.
I lived with the music producer Spellz in 2019, so I knew early in my career how illusions manifest and people begin to have expectations. In those days, I was always around whenever big artists, such as Wizkid and Runtown, came to record music. The benefits of being in the same space with them aren’t just learning from their creative process but also picking up lessons from their experiences, including relationships.
There is a babe I first met in 2021. She was beautiful, but nothing serious transpired between us. We just said hello and exchanged contacts. I reached out a few times after, tried to link up, but it never happened. She always said she was busy. I鈥檝e learned that if someone wants to be with you, they will. So, I didn鈥檛 push it.
In 2024, I was in the U.S, and I found out she was around too. That鈥檚 when we finally met up again. This time, it clicked. We went on dates, did grocery shopping together and hit the studio. It felt like a real relationship, like something was actually forming. In that one week I spent there, we saw each other constantly. I liked her. She liked me. But I still lived in Lagos, and she was in the US. We were both honest about not liking long-distance, but we decided to try.
You see, I鈥檝e always thought I was terrible at dating. Not because I鈥檓 emotionally unavailable or anything, but because, for some reason, I鈥檝e always been unlucky in love.. I鈥檝e had three serious relationships, and none of them worked out. They all started out the same way: good vibes, connection and real spark. But they always ended the same way too: in disappointment and distance.
My single 鈥溾 came out of that. It鈥檚 about those moments when something starts off feeling like magic but ends in a mess. 鈥淭ime will determine if your love is real or vanity鈥 came straight from that place of disillusionment.聽
When things start going weird in one of my relationships, I鈥檇 try to convince myself that maybe with time, it would get better. But it never does.
But with this babe, it felt good, even though my pessimism due to failed relationships was peaking. At the same time, I thought I could beat the odds. She came to Nigeria for Christmas shortly after, and we spent even more time together鈥攚eeks, actually. It felt real and consistent. But then came the unnecessary billing and demands.
As an artist, people often assume I鈥檝e got money lying around, that I can sponsor their lifestyles and fix all their problems. She鈥檇 always make insane demands for things; if it’s not luxury bags and hair, it鈥檚 to sponsor dinners for her and her group of friends. The one that broke the camel’s back and has since stuck with me the most was when she asked that I pay her rent. It was 鈧5 million. When I said I couldn鈥檛, she said I didn’t love her and wasn’t willing to spend money on her. I tried to make her understand that I don’t have unbudgeted funds lying around, but she didn’t see my point. The entitlement became clear to me. It felt inconsiderate and l wasn’t comfortable with it. I realised that she had seen me at fashion week and the clothes, and assumed I was a bag of money. Suddenly, someone who wasn鈥檛 interested in me in 2021 was now interested. So I ended the relationship.
She tried to fix it, even after I said I was done. But I couldn鈥檛 do it. I鈥檝e seen that play out too many times. Each time it happens, things repeat themselves. I had realised that with her, love is always transactional. It鈥檚 sad. It makes me wonder what people truly wanted from me: me, what they think I can give, or access to the famous people I am in proximity to.
At one point, every “I love you” sounded suspicious. So, I began to slowly, though painfully, detach myself from the drama and relationship. I鈥檝e become quick to get myself away from things that don’t serve me. It makes me guarded.
Being an artist complicates everything, and it鈥檚 a weight I carry on my chest. That鈥檚 why now, I鈥檓 not looking for relationships. I鈥檓 not on the streets, I鈥檓 not in love. I鈥檓 just at peace. I just carry all of my feelings with me into the studio. And it’s crazy, some of these stories and memories show up in my music, even when I don’t intend to. Sometimes I write a line and don鈥檛 even know why I wrote it until later. That鈥檚 when I go, 鈥淥h鈥 this was about her.鈥
It鈥檚 a similar situation to 鈥淭ime.鈥 It鈥檚 why some people think it鈥檚 just a breakup song, but it鈥檚 a reflection and timestamp on a period of hurt and clarity. If love finds me again, cool. If it doesn鈥檛, I鈥檝e already made peace with the idea that maybe, just maybe, I鈥檓 better off on my own.
