Nigeria gives off simulation vibes, so it’s no wonder half the population clings to the 鈥渞eality鈥 reality TV shows offer.
It may feel like there’s nothing real in reality TV, but what we actually care about is the drama and messiness of it all. Here鈥檚 a ranking of the reality shows Nigeria has given us so far, from clean AF to as messy as the last presidential elections.
鈥淩eal Housewife of Lagos鈥
These 鈥渞eal鈥 housewives will fight over any and everything on TV. And if that isn鈥檛 enough, they’ll take that fight to the internet and cuss each other out in real-time.
Drama has never looked so good.
Messiness scale: 10
There鈥檚 nothing clean or out-of-bounds out of bounds with this show. It’s so messy you鈥檒l think they dipped it in a LAWMA truck. It might be scripted, but they’re doing their best to bring that script to life. We might as well give them an Oscar.
鈥淵oung, Famous and African鈥
We saw the lineup for this show and really thought that everything was going to be fine? We’ve never been happier to be wrong.
From the bad wigs to the trifling men to Swanky Jerry鈥檚 shocking style, 鈥淵oung, Famous, and African鈥 鈥 they were really just slightly famous and African 鈥 came with enough drama to fill our young Oliver Twist hearts.
Messiness scale: 10
This show is messier than the current state of Nigeria. And that’s saying a lot.
鈥淏ig Brother Naija鈥
Every season, the producers put the most unhinged people in Big Brother鈥檚 house, spray something in the air, wish Biggie good luck and run away. That’s the only possible explanation for all the chaos and romantic relationships that have ensued in that house so far.
Messiness scale: 9
Every season, the contestants come into the house unashamed and unafraid of a little mudslinging, and we鈥檒l always be here for it.
鈥淓buka Turns up Africa鈥
What are the odds that Ebuka and his merry gang of explorers would give us Real Housewives-worthy drama? From Timini and Zubby鈥檚 dick-measuring contest to Jimmy and Timini鈥檚 subtle jabs to Timini going off at Ebuka and offering to refund whatever was spent on the trip. We got more than we bargained for with this show, and now that we think of it, Timini was the main culprit. The 鈥淩eal Housewives of Lagos鈥 producers must offer Timini a spot on the next season. If Dr. Rommel can do it, he can too.
Messiness scale: 8
Timini took all the internet drags and insults he’d gotten over the years and poured them into the show. We鈥檙e not mad about it; they should turn up Europe next and double the drama.
鈥淏ig Brother Titans鈥
Do you see how we鈥檝e separated Big Brother Naija from Big Brother Titans? That鈥檚 because they can never be the same thing. The show tried to maximise the joint slay of BBMzansi and BBNaija and fell short of expectations.
Messiness scale: 7
We won鈥檛 say some of the housemates didn’t do their best to give us the drama we signed up for, but compared to Big Brother Naija, they were a slight stain.
鈥淩eal Housewife of Abuja鈥
There’s obviously something in the Lagos air that makes everyone cling to messiness and drama, and this show made that clear. Don’t get us wrong; it was nice to see the housewives look like actual housewives living in luxury. But other than that, the Abuja gang weren鈥檛 half as chaotic as their Lagos counterparts.
Messiness scale: 6
They tried their best to give us some sort of drama, but even the reunion didn’t bang like it should鈥檝e.
for a day of fun, networking and partayyyyy
鈥淯ltimate Love鈥
Big Brother鈥檚 children kept falling in love in his house, so the producers thought they could turn the house into Love Island for a hot minute. They shouldn鈥檛 have bothered
Messiness scale: 5
They should鈥檝e rubbed the muddy waters of the Lagos dating scene on the house walls. Maybe then we would鈥檝e gotten more than what the contestants gave.
鈥淏ae Beyond Borders鈥
The producers saw that Big Brother Titans had half of Nigeria鈥檚 populace upset and came up with a show to matchmake South African women with Nigerian men. But they brought a group of people who couldn’t find drama even if it was staring them in the face and didn鈥檛 even care enough about our entertainment to at least give them a script when they saw how dry they were.
Messiness scale: 4
They brought Eric of BBN back, and he couldn’t even redeem himself after flopping out of Biggie鈥檚 house.
