91´óÉñ

With Valentine’s packages including things ranging from a small child to a Range Rover, it really is the little things that matter. We’ve got  some suggestions on things that should be added to increase the value of a Valentine’s Day package for your partners. 

1) Therapy 

A lot of people in this country need help. Unhinged fellows that divine intervention can’t help. Therapy sessions need to be included in Valentine’s Day packages. At least that way, all your red flags will turn green. 

2) Bitcoin 

Who says you can’t put cryptocurrency inside Valentine’s Day package? So what if the money is not physical? You people should find out how to make it happen. Also, the package should not cost more than 2k. Things are already hard enough, please. 

3) Orgasms 

Trying to get an orgasm can be stressful and time-consuming. So, if you’re not trying to make everyone’s life easier by bottling orgasms and selling it in Valentine’s Day packages, then you should keep your package to yourself. 

4) Citizenship 

Ticket out of Nigeria is not enough, they need to start adding abroad citizenship. Help us please; times are hard.

5) The will to live 

Life is tough and people are tired. Help us to help ourselves. If you don’t add the will to live, who’ll be alive to buy the Valentine Day package?

6) Ticket to heaven 

Nigeria is bad enough as it is, why will anyone take their chances with hell? Na ticket wey no dey cut we want now o. Please, give us a chance to enjoy eternal rest. 

7) Back-up partner 

Just in case the partner you spend this Valentine’s Day with starts to misbehave, there should be one that is willing and ready to continue from where the former one stopped.  At least that way, there will always be a partner that will buy you Val gifts.

If these things won’t make the best Valentine’s Day package, we don’t know what will.

[donation]