Ifunanya* (23) thought Damilola*(23) would be one of the most important people in her life forever. But as Damilola鈥檚 relationship progressed towards marriage, Ifunanya went from being her closest friend to feeling like an afterthought.
For Sunken Ships, Ifunanya talks about holding on even though she felt repeatedly excluded, and the last straw that led her to end the friendship.
How did you and Damilola become friends?
We met at university after I changed my course to Chemistry in 200 level. I already knew of Damilola because she was in the same department as one of my friends, but we didn鈥檛 really talk.
Damilola was the one who decided we should be friends. I don鈥檛 make new friends easily, but she kept finding ways to get close to me. She鈥檇 text me about classes and even walk me back to my hostel. At a time when I was new to the department and didn鈥檛 know many people, she made me feel like I belonged there.
Damilola was thoughtful and generous, and before long, we started doing almost everything together.
Sounds cute. And how did the friendship progress over time?
We grew even closer. A few years ago, I had a bad falling-out with a close mutual friend, Rhoda*. Damilola knew what had happened, but she didn鈥檛 want to take sides.
I was upset because I felt I would have tried to fix things if two of my close friends fell out. Still, Damilola supported me through that loss.
That period actually brought us closer. I started seeing her as my best friend, not just someone I was close to.
When did you start noticing a change in the friendship?
It happened gradually after she started dating her now-husband.
They were always on the phone. Sometimes, Damilola and I would make plans to spend time together, but she鈥檇 spend most of that time talking to him. I noticed it, but I didn鈥檛 want to be the friend who complained about her relationship.
One day, I joked that if she ever had to choose between us, she鈥檇 pick me. Her partner didn鈥檛 find it funny. I didn鈥檛 think much of it then, but looking back, I sometimes wonder if that affected how he saw me.
After a while, I also started feeling excluded.
In what ways?
Damilola鈥檚 partner is wealthy, and on Valentine鈥檚 Day in 2024, he surprised her with a car. He also invited some of her friends to celebrate with them, but I wasn鈥檛 invited.
I only found out when I saw the videos online.
I was hurt because I considered myself her best friend. I didn鈥檛 necessarily expect to be at every event in her life, but I thought I would at least know about something that big. When we eventually talked about it, she said I wasn鈥檛 invited because I was out of town. I accepted the explanation, and we moved on.
Right. But did it happen again?
Yes. A few months later, Damilola casually told me her partner was coming to pay her bride price soon.
Then, one Sunday night, I opened WhatsApp and saw videos of him proposing to her. Our friends were there, including Rhoda, but I wasn鈥檛.
I was shocked. My best friend was getting engaged, and I was finding out at the same time as everyone else.
People who knew how close we were would have expected me to be there. I couldn鈥檛 understand how we had gone from doing almost everything together to me watching her engagement on WhatsApp.
Did you ask her why you weren鈥檛 invited?
Of course. She said she didn鈥檛 know she was going to be proposed to, so she couldn鈥檛 control who her partner invited. I understood that part, but what bothered me was that she didn鈥檛 seem sorry that I wasn鈥檛 there, and that hurt me even more.
I initially decided not to attend her traditional marriage ceremony. Then she came to my hostel and said she didn鈥檛 want to go through with the ceremony without me. So I went.
I did her makeup and helped with the ceremony. Rhoda was also there on the aso ebi train, even though they weren鈥檛 particularly close. I was emotionally exhausted by the whole situation, but I still showed up because I didn鈥檛 want one painful incident to end a friendship that meant so much to me.
Did things get better after that?
Not really. Our relationship became more strained. After Damilola moved into her marital home, she kept telling me she鈥檇 invite me over, but she never did.
Then, in December 2025, her husband planned an outing with her friends for her birthday. One of Damilola鈥檚 newer friends, Somto*, lived in the same hostel as me, so I called and offered to pick her up since the venue was far. Somto declined and said she was at a friend鈥檚 place and would find her own way there.
When I arrived at the venue, Damilola, her husband, her siblings and Somto all came in the same car. I was confused because Somto had just told me she was somewhere else.
I asked them about it, and they denied that Somto had been at Damilola鈥檚 house. Later, I privately asked Damilola鈥檚 cousin what had happened. He confirmed that Somto had been at the house. He even said that when I called, Somto had asked Damilola whether she should answer me or not.
I was embarrassed. My supposed best friend had never invited me to her home, yet someone she had only recently become friends with was there. Worse, they鈥檇 all lied to me about it.
What did you do after that?
I started putting more distance between us. But I couldn鈥檛 bring myself to end the friendship completely.
Whenever I tried to pull away, Damilola would do something kind that made me reconsider. Like when I fell ill for instance, she sent me food. Those gestures made me believe our friendship was still worth saving.
So what finally made you give up?
After graduation, we got internships in different states. We congratulated each other, but we barely spoke or texted like we used to.
Then Damilola suddenly messaged me to say her wedding was coming up and that she鈥檇 love me to attend.
She didn鈥檛 invite me to be a bridesmaid or to be involved with the wedding. It felt like such a strange and casual way for someone I鈥檇 considered my best friend to invite me to her wedding. I took some time to sit with how I felt about it, and eventually decided I wouldn鈥檛 attend.
Did you tell her?
I did. And she just said 鈥淥K.鈥
She didn鈥檛 ask any questions or try to press further. When the wedding came around in August 2026, I watched everything online.
Rhoda was there. So were people Damilola barely spoke to in school.
Almost everyone I knew seemed to have been invited. Meanwhile, I was still wondering whether the message she sent me even counted as a proper invitation.
I felt discarded, to be honest.
I鈥檓 sorry.
It was one of the worst things I鈥檇 ever experienced. Some of our classmates even contacted me because they couldn鈥檛 understand why I wasn鈥檛 at the wedding. They knew how seriously I took our friendship. It made me question whether I鈥檇 misunderstood my place in Damilola鈥檚 life all along.
I eventually deleted Damilola鈥檚 number and the numbers of her siblings and parents. I didn鈥檛 want to see any more wedding content. I also removed her from Instagram. That was the end for me.
How has the friendship breakup affected you?
The pain is still fresh. A part of me wonders if I was the problem, but I know I was a genuine friend, and I always did my best for her. I showed up for Damilola even when I felt excluded.
Sometimes, I wonder if she only valued me because I was useful to her in school when we became friends.
Has this affected the way you view friendships?
Yes. I鈥檓 much more sceptical now.
I鈥檝e met amazing people since moving for my internship, but I tell them I don鈥檛 completely trust anyone. I鈥檓 afraid someone else will change without warning and leave me questioning what I did wrong.
Would you reconcile with Damilola if she ever reached out to you?
No, I think our friendship has run its course. I never imagined that she鈥檇 treat me the way she did, and I don鈥檛 think I can ever move past it.
