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After his first love ended and confirmed everything he feared about commitment, Lucky* (29) leaned fully into freedom. From an open relationship that took a surprising turn to a messy office entanglement that cost him his job, he shares how heartbreak, unchecked freedom, and reckless choices shaped his view on love — and why, even now, settling down still isn’t on his radar.

What’s your current relationship status?

I’m single. Not searching. I like not having to answer to anyone, and the way I see it, relationships come with too many rules. 

How did you arrive at that conclusion?

A chain of experiences pushed me here. It started with how I was raised. My parents were strict, and my dad always warned me about women and how love could ruin your life. Ironically, he was the one constantly cheating on my mum. So even before my first real relationship, I already had a warped view of what love could be.

Still, when I got into university in 2016, I was curious — not just about love but about freedom. But I didn’t stay free for long. That same year, I met Nancy*. She was a classmate who sold me an extra ticket to a play theatre arts students were producing. We went together but barely watched the play. We spent the whole time talking, and I liked how easily we connected. A few weeks later, we started dating.

That sounds quick. How did the relationship go?

It was a disaster. I was young and inexperienced, and take time to know her well enough before rushing in. She wanted us to be public, which I didn’t mind at first. Then the rumours started. People said she’d slept with half our class. I defended her until I found out she’d been with one of my closest childhood friends. I confronted him, and he showed me their chats. She’d even told him we weren’t really together. I sent her the screenshots and blocked her everywhere. That ended our seven-month relationship and killed my interest in dating.

Right. So, how did your romantic life progress afterwards?

I went full-on wild. I was outside every other night, partied, met women and hooked up. It felt good to be in control. For once, I felt like I had freedom and pushed it to the extreme. I lost track of my body count. My experience with Nancy reinforced the idea that commitment doesn’t protect anyone from pain. So what’s the point?

Did anyone challenge that belief?

Yes. In 2021, right at the peak of my “outside” era, I met Rita*. I had just moved to Lagos with some of my guys and was ghosting my NYSC. We met at a party, and I thought it’d be a one-time thing. But I liked her too much to let it end there.

She was three years older and intentional with her decisions. She had her wild side, but somehow managed to balance it with her goals. Rita was deep into crypto and Web3, and I learned a lot just by being around her. I admired her and eventually asked her out. To my surprise, she said yes.

In the beginning, I genuinely tried to stay present and loyal. But after a few months, I became restless. I cheated twice — not because we were unhappy, but because I got bored. I felt guilty after the second time, so I confessed. I expected a meltdown or even a breakup, but she just looked at me and said, “Okay.”

A few days later, she came back and told me she’d thought it over and wanted to open the relationship. At the time, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. I finally found someone who got me.

Must have been nice. How did that go?

It was great for a while. I could see other people without guilt or lingering emotional attachments. But it fell apart when she started seeing one guy regularly. His name was Wale*. He was older, more stable, and clearly better suited for her. He made me feel insecure. Eventually, I asked her to stop seeing him, but she flipped it on me.

She said I didn’t know what I wanted — I couldn’t set the rules and refuse to follow them myself. And she was right. That argument led to our breakup in February 2023. Not long after, she started officially dating Wale. They’re still together.

Do you regret how that ended?

Absolutely. I ruined it because I couldn’t handle sharing her emotionally. She’s still the best person I’ve been with. She reads 91����, so if she sees this, I hope she knows I still care.

Curious, what did your love life look like after that?

Things got rough. I spiralled and talked to multiple women just to distract myself. At one point, I was hooked up with three different people from work. Not at the same time, but their timelines overlapped. In the end, I gave two of them gonorrhoea.

Wait, what?

I started feeling pain while peeing, got tested and found out I had gonorrhoea. I traced it back and reached out to everyone I’d been with. That’s how I confirmed I’d passed it to Lois* and Amina* from the office. Things blew up quickly when they both found out I’d been involved with each of them, and the gossip spread. Before I knew it, HR called me in and advised me to resign. I felt deeply humiliated.

Did that experience slow you down at all?

It forced me to reflect. I took a break from the streets for a while, and have only been with a few people since then. I’m still not looking for anything serious, but I’ve definitely become more cautious.

Would you say you’re against commitment?

Not exactly. I just don’t like the idea of losing my freedom. Relationships come with expectations and responsibilities. None of those things are bad, but I feel pressured by them. I’d rather be honest and avoid anything I know I can’t sustain. That’s why I  prefer to keep things casual. 

Is there hope for love or companionship in the future?

I won’t rule it out. I’m still unlearning a lot.  I just haven’t met the right person yet. Or maybe I have and fumbled them — who knows? I still believe in love. I just don’t think I’m built for the conventional kind. But if someone comes along who gets me, and we can create something that works for both of us, maybe I’ll give it a shot.

So, how would you say the streets are treating you? Rate it on a scale of 1-10

10 out of 10. I’m having a great time, honestly. I just need to work on finding a healthier balance.

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