Love Life is a 91´óÉñ weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Arthur* (28) and Sarah* (24) met in 2023 when Arthur joined her university as a direct entry student.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how he supported her through pregnancy and motherhood, the judgement they faced on campus, and navigating their relationship with a child that isn’t Arthur’s in the picture.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Arthur: We met in 2023, when I joined her school as a direct-entry student. I didn’t really make many friends when I arrived because I felt like a complete stranger; most people already had their established friend groups and cliques. Plus, I was a lot older than most of my coursemates. I’d left another university mid-way through my programme, gone to a polytechnic, and then returned to university. So I’d wasted a lot of time and years. I just wanted to keep to myself and maintain some level of respect.
I noticed Sarah around the fourth week after I resumed. She always sat at the back of the class, completely keeping to herself and never really interacting with anyone. And she always had this big bag with her, packed with flasks, cups, water bottles, and more. One day after lectures ended, I decided to go sit with her, and she was surprisingly receptive. We talked about random school stuff for a few minutes and then said our goodbyes.
Sarah: I didn’t notice Arthur at all until he came to talk to me. I’d been keeping to myself and avoiding people since we resumed for 200 level because I was pregnant.
When people found out, it felt like they actively isolated themselves from me. So I also isolated myself out of shame and embarrassment. But it was actually easier to open up to Arthur, since he was brand-new to the school and didn’t know anything about my past.
Fair enough. So how did things progress after that first interaction?
Arthur: We developed a friendship pretty quickly. I would always carry Sarah’s heavy bag for her after classes, run errands for her when she needed things, and help her out in whatever ways I could. I guess I just felt that duty of care because of her condition. I didn’t find it weird that she was pregnant. In fact, the polytechnic I came from had lots of nursing and expectant mums, and they carried on like regular students. But it was weird that Sarah was always alone and had no one to support her.Â
Soon, we both started getting attention and stares from other students because of our closeness. But I genuinely didn’t care what people thought or said.
Sarah: I kept wondering what he actually wanted from me or if he had any hidden agenda, but he was just being genuinely platonic and helpful. I couldn’t detect any ulterior motives. In a way, I felt like he was God-sent because he couldn’t have come into my life at a better time.
Curious, Arthur. Did you ever ask where the father was in all this?
´¡°ù³Ù³ó³Ü°ù:ÌýI always wanted to ask questions, but I didn’t want to trespass, overstep boundaries, or make her uncomfortable. So I just waited for her to share if and when she was ready. By that time, I’d heard rumours from coursemates and hostelsmates, but I didn’t pay much attention. I wanted to hear the original version from Sarah, and I was willing to wait until she was ready to share.Â
Sarah, were you comfortable with sharing the details with Arthur?
Sarah: Eventually, yes. About a month into our friendship, I opened up to him and shared the full story of my pregnancy. I’d made lots of mistakes in 100 level and found out I was pregnant when I was already four months along. I genuinely didn’t know who the father was. There were multiple possibilities and no way to be certain.Â
My parents didn’t want me to have an abortion when they found out. They’re very religious, and it went against everything they believed. But they also didn’t let me withdraw from school to have the baby privately. They forced me to continue attending classes and to carry the pregnancy publicly on campus, facing all the shame and judgment that came with it.
Arthur: When she told me everything, I felt deep pity and concern for her. That was when her isolation and withdrawal began to make more sense to me. In a way, I could relate to Sarah because I also had a rough 100 level, which was why I left my first uni. I got involved in a cult group that attacked some students. The whole thing got out of control, and I had to leave. So I’d had my fair share of rough beginnings.
After Sarah’s revelation, I just continued being there for her consistently. We maintained our friendship, and it kept growing deeper. Soon, it became clear to both of us that something more than just friendship was developing between us.
Oh
Sarah: Around my eighth month of pregnancy, we had physical intimacy. We didn’t have sex because Arthur was really worried he’d hurt me, but we did everything else. It happened naturally between us.
Arthur: I felt extremely guilty afterwards. I thought we’d made a huge mistake. But Sarah didn’t feel guilty at all. She actually wanted us to get more intimate and continue what we’d started. But I felt like that first time was a mistake that shouldn’t be repeated. So I tried to pull back, but Sarah wasn’t having it. She thought I was ashamed of what transpired between us.
I think we had a brief moment when we weren’t really speaking to each other. I wanted to continue being there for her as usual, but she took my rejection of any intimate relationship as a complete rejection. I’d come to her hostel, and she wouldn’t open the door. This continued until we left school for break.Â
Sarah: Honestly, now that I think about it, I don’t know why I did that. I think my emotions were just super high at the time. I was already heavily pregnant, and even though I’d maintained my stature and looked for most of the pregnancy, I wasn’t really looking like myself again. So his rejection felt like he probably didn’t find me attractive, or he didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t even know the father of her child. I was just making up lots of scenarios in my head.
Did you try to talk to him at any point?
Sarah: Not really. He tried to reach out, but I shut him out. I was also having these really weird dreams where it felt like I didn’t make it through childbirth. In a way, I just wanted to set him free. I already knew how people stared whenever he walked around me in school; I’d heard gossip about how I was trying to pin the pregnancy on him. So I felt like it was better to just let him be.
That must have been a lot. At what point did things get better between you guys?
Sarah: I had to leave school as my delivery date neared. I was gone for about an entire semester. I had my baby, and even though we weren’t really on speaking terms, he was part of the first people I shared the news with. He couldn’t visit since we were in different states, and he was also back in school.
Throughout that time, we only communicated by phone and text. And it was actually during this period of physical separation that I suggested to Arthur that we should officially become a couple. I don’t even know what I was thinking; I just blurted it out one day.
Arthur: I loved Sarah genuinely. But I had so many mixed feelings and concerns about entering a relationship with her. First, she didn’t know who her child’s father was. That man could eventually show up, and I’d have to deal with that complicated situation. Second, it was just a completely new experience for me, dating someone who already had a child.
I’d also told my siblings about her and they weren’t really thrilled about the idea. One of them also gossiped to my mum, and she had a long lecture about how I was too young to be starting my life with another man’s baggage. There was just a lot to think about, but through it all, I knew I really liked Sarah. So I told her to still give it time, at least when she’s back in school, we’d be able to see how things go.
Right. How did you feel about that, Sarah? Did you feel like he’d rejected you a second time?
Sarah: Not really. I’m an impulsive person, and I’m thankful that I have people who can rein me in. When he gave his reasons, I suddenly felt stupid, in a way, because that’s when I realised there were other things to consider. Plus, it wasn’t an outright rejection; he said he was going to think about it when I resumed.
Nice. So, when did you return to school, and how did things pan out between you guys?
Sarah: I returned to campus with my baby in 300 level second semester. I had several feelings going back because I knew people would have even more to say. I wondered how I’d navigate attending lectures with my child and all, but I was also thankful that I had Arthur.
He was genuinely God-sent during that time. He supported my son and me in ways I never expected. There were constant rumours and gossip all over campus about us, but Arthur never let it get to him or affect how he treated us.
Our relationship status was still completely undefined at that point. We were together in some ways, doing relationship things, but not as an officially labelled couple. And I was fine with that.
Arthur: I was acting like a platonic friend and a romantic lover simultaneously. I’d help with the baby, buy things he needed, support Sarah however I could, and like she said, I didn’t care about the gossip. It wasn’t like I made a lot of friends in school anyway, so they couldn’t say anything to my face.
By 400 level, Sarah sent her child back home to her parents, which was a relief in some way. I didn’t think the school environment was conducive to a new mum, and it was extremely hard for Sarah to juggle school and being a mum.
Anyway, that’s also when our relationship became official. It was easier to define and navigate the relationship without the child being physically present on campus with us every day.
But how do you feel knowing that the child will always be a part of Sarah’s life?
Arthur: I don’t have an issue with that at all. I’ve genuinely grown to love the boy. He’s a sweet kid, and I’ve bonded with him.Â
Sarah: I’ve made it very clear to Arthur from the beginning that if we continue this relationship outside of school, after graduation, my child absolutely has to be a part of my life and our life together. That’s non-negotiable for me.
Arthur: The only issue is my parents; they aren’t thrilled about this situation at all.
But I also don’t want to think about their disapproval right now. I’m just focused on enjoying our relationship and being there for Sarah and her son. I’ll deal with my family’s concerns later.
Do your parents know you’re dating again, Sarah? How do they feel about that?
Sarah: I think my mum does. She’s walked in on me having video calls with Arthur a couple of times, but she didn’t say much. She once asked me if he’s the father, and I told her no. She hasn’t really said much after that.
I think right now, they’re still disappointed in me, and they try not to have any deep conversations with me. I wish they would, so I can even have an idea of what’s going on in their heads, but they don’t.
Considering what you’ve both been through, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?
Arthur: Sarah is resilient and strong. She went through something incredibly difficult publicly and came out the other side. I admire her courage and her determination to keep going despite everything.
Sarah: Arthur accepted me at my absolute lowest point. When everyone else had abandoned me or judged me, he showed up and stayed. That kind of loyalty and unconditional support is rare and precious.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Sarah: I’d say 8. Arthur has been amazing, but I can’t act like the complications aren’t there.
Arthur: I’d give it an 8. We have something real and meaningful. But external pressures, family issues, and uncertainties about the future keep it from being perfect.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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