Love Life听is a 91大神 weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Murphy, 25 and Susan, 22 have been together for almost five years. This week on 91大神鈥檚 Love Life, they talk about dating by accident, breaking up at least three times, and getting engaged.
What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other
Susan: We met in 2018 because of a friend. I was going through tough times emotionally and asked this friend if she knew anyone that鈥檇 be free to hang out during the school holidays.
She had a friend that was coming to Warri for an internship who needed a tour guide. I agreed and she gave him my number. When he texted me, I replied, 鈥淗ey stranger,鈥 and he said, 鈥淚 like you already鈥.
Murphy: A tour guide that doesn鈥檛 know work. When I asked for a tour guide, I just wanted someone to show me around. I heard there was a zoo in Warri ,and I wanted to see it. Would you believe I actually never saw the zoo? The only place she took me to was Shoprite.
Susan: My mummy didn鈥檛 let me go out.
Susan, you agreed to be a tour guide knowing your mother doesn鈥檛 let you go out? How were you going to do your work?
Susan: In my defence, I just wanted a friend to keep me company. At the time, my mum didn鈥檛 trust anyone with my safety, so I always had to be in the house by 6 p.m. There was no way I was going to take him to fun places and still be back home on time.
That鈥檚 why our first meeting happened at the mall.
Looking back at it, I could have been talking to a ghost or a serial killer becuase I didn鈥檛 even know what he looked like. I just trusted my friend to not put me in the hands of an evil person.
Murphy: She passed me, and when she came back, she asked if I was the person she was supposed to see. I just started laughing. I wasn鈥檛 sure it was her the first time. I thought if she was the one, she鈥檇 call my number.
After that time, I started hanging out with her almost every day after work.
Susan: It was every day o. Not almost.
Who is lying?
Murphy: Work would close by 5 p.m. and we鈥檇 hang out till her mum started calling her to come home. I enjoyed her company and I didn鈥檛 have a lot of friends, so I spent all my time with her.
See romance.
Susan: At the time, it wasn鈥檛 romance. We were not together and had only been talking for a month, but I knew he was someone I could rely on. He didn鈥檛 try to get information or be nosy. He would just be there.
I remember when I wanted to get a new phone and didn鈥檛 have enough money to pay for what I wanted. He was with me while I was trying to strike a deal with the person buying the phone for me.
That鈥檚 how he just sent me his salary for the month, which was the balance for me to buy the phone. He told me that if I wanted to pay back, I could. If I didn鈥檛, I shouldn鈥檛. To date, he hasn鈥檛 asked me for the money.
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AH! In Buhari鈥檚 Nigeria? A whole one-month salary!?
Susan: I like to believe he did it because he鈥檚 a good person.
Murphy: Well, she needed the money, and I don鈥檛 think I thought too much about sending her 鈧35k.
Susan: After he sent me the money, I carried him to meet my mother so that if anything happened to me, she could see the boy that gave me the money for the phone.
Murphy: So that鈥檚 why you took me to your house? I thought you just wanted to show me your place.
Susan: Ehn鈥 anyhow.
So, when did you both realise you had feelings for each other?
Murphy: In September of 2018, which was three months after we met, I realised I liked her. Meanwhile, this babe was asking me to set her up with someone where I worked because I worked in Chevron. Women.
Anyways, one day while I was viewing her WhatsApp status, she posted a screenshot of a message of a guy trying to ask her out. The message wasn鈥檛 constructed well, and it just wasn鈥檛 looking great. I felt I could do better, so I reconstructed the message and sent it to her. She replied with a yes, so I was very happy.听
Susan: That yes was by accident o. I was having a conversation with my best friend and she asked me a yes or no question. As I wanted to reply her, his message came in and I ended up sending the yes to him.
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Wow. All that message reconstruction for what?
Susan: I tried to delete it after, but he uses GBWhatsApp, so he saw the message. That鈥檚 how I entered the relationship.听
Murphy: Just for me to wake up the next day to a breakup message.
You didn鈥檛 tell him it was an accident?
Susan: I didn鈥檛. He was so happy, and I didn鈥檛 want to hurt his feelings. But later that night, I realised I didn鈥檛 want to be in a relationship, so I sent him a breakup message. He didn鈥檛 talk to me for the whole day.
Murphy:I couldn鈥檛 do anything at work. I was distracted for the whole day. It was so bad even my boss noticed. ___
Susan: I missed him so much because he was the only friend I spoke to constantly, so in the evening, I called him and told him the breakup message was a prank and he shouldn鈥檛 be angry with me. That鈥檚 how I entered the relationship again.
Murphy: When she called me, I was happy because yes, I was going to be with this person I really liked. Behold, a couple of months later, she broke up with me again.
What did he do this time?
Murphy: Help me ask her because I don鈥檛 even understand how it happened. To make matters worse, she鈥檇 resumed school at the time and was ill, so I left Warri to Abraka to go and see her. Just for me to get broken up with.
Susan: It was evil spirit. But honestly, I felt bad. I didn鈥檛 think I was treating him well in our relationship because I was still struggling with the feelings I had in my previous relationship. He was with me a 100% and I felt I didn鈥檛 return the energy. I didn鈥檛 want to hurt his feelings. When I told him we should break up, he said we should work it out and talk. By evening, we had gotten back together again.
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So, Susan, when did you realise you liked him?
Susan: The very last time I tried to break up with him in November of that same year. He had come to see me in school and seeing his face made me feel like I didn鈥檛 deserve him. He had been nothing but kind to me, but I felt scared to go through with it because the last relationship I had before him was a very toxic one. I felt I hadn鈥檛 healed enough. When I brought it up, he actually agreed we should breakup. He was tired of trying to convince me to be with him, and if I felt it wasn鈥檛 going to work, that鈥檚 it.
Murphy: A king that knows his worth.
Susan: He sha gave me a whole speech while a James Arthur鈥檚 song Naked was playing on MTV base. It felt like the whole song was about us.
Murphy: That song annoys me so much.
Susan: Every time we hear that song now, he gives me dirty looks. When he slept off, I started thinking about how much I actually loved him.
Murphy: Past tense?
Susan: Baby, love. How much I love this person and didn鈥檛 want a life without him in it. So, when he woke up, I started confessing all my feelings to him. I told him how I鈥檇 ask him out this time if he wanted me to and I鈥檇 go on dates and everything. He was now blushing.
LMAO. Murphy, did you love her?
Murphy: From the first month after we started dating. I鈥檓 someone that knows what I want unlike Susan.
Susan: Please, abeg o.
Murphy: So, I knew she was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She鈥檚 smart, ambitious, pretty, etc. Honestly, she鈥檚 everything I want in a woman. That鈥檚 why I kept trying. I wanted to have it in the back of my mind that I tried everything possible to make sure it worked out. I鈥檓 happy I tried and we鈥檙e where we are today.听
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So what was dating like after everyone鈥檚 head had calmed down?
Murphy: I was having a great time. We were friends before we started dating, and I think that greatly influenced how easy the relationship was after she calmed down.
Susan: I鈥檓 a smitten babe. I am in love with him completely. Dating him is the best decision of my life, and I am grateful every day I get to spend life with him. The only small issue we had was having to deal with different versions of long-distance for a while.
Explain
Murphy: After my internship, I moved back to Benin City while she was still in Delta state. So, seeing her was about a two-hour drive. I graduated in 2019, but she was still in school, so whenever I wanted to see her, I had to lie to my parents I had a job to do in Delta state.
Susan: I travelled to him a few times too, but because I was still a student, my schedule was less predictable. We could have impromptu tests or assignments to submit. I liked school and I liked to keep my grades up, so he travelled more.
Murphy: Then last year, 2021, I moved out of my parent鈥檚 house. When looking for a place to stay, I had a few things to consider. I didn鈥檛 want a place that would stress me as much as Benin did in terms of random police checkpoints and the likes, and I wanted a safe place.
Susan: He first wanted to go to Lagos but then I don鈥檛 like Lagos. It wasn鈥檛 a place I wanted to live. So he moved to Abuja.
Murphy: In August. And she joined me in November.
Susan: I moved once I graduated and started house hunting. It was my first time in this sort of committed relationship, and I didn鈥檛 want to encroach on his space. I stayed for like three months looking for a house when my mother just told me that I was deceiving myself house hunting.
Murphy: I was trying to help her look for the house even though I didn鈥檛 want to.
Susan: Whenever he stopped helping me look for a house, I鈥檇 make it a big deal. That he doesn鈥檛 want me to find my own place and all of that. Eventually, I too realised I was deceiving myself and it made no sense to live separately because I would鈥檝e just been wasting money on rent.
Tell me about the proposal
Murphy: Well, I decided I was going to propose to her in May in Dubai. I鈥檇 told my friends and we鈥檇 booked our flights. After announcing to my friends, I realised I actually hadn鈥檛 told her parents I wanted to marry their daughter. So, we had to move our trip so we could see each other鈥檚 families.
The biggest issue with the proposal is that Susan is very nosy. She鈥檚 always asking what I鈥檓 doing and where I鈥檓 doing it. The day I was to get the ring and propose, we had to lie to her so she wouldn’t suspect anything. We thank God for a successful engagement.
Susan: I鈥檓 ashamed of myself because he outsmarted me. I had no clue what was going on. We travel regularly, so I just thought it was a regular trip. Plus, he told me he didn鈥檛 plan on getting married soon, so I forgot about it.
We had discussed marriage a couple of times and had even picked the name of our first daughter, but it鈥檚 not something I was in a hurry to do.听
Congratulations. Now that you鈥檙e engaged, do you think anything has changed?
Susan: Nothing honestly. Right now, I feel loved.
M: You no dey feel loved before?
Susan: It has doubled. I don鈥檛 just find him as annoying anymore. Now, he鈥檚 just cute.
Murphy: Nothing has changed for me. At least, she can鈥檛 do me anyhow because she no fit komot again.
So, when do you think the wedding will be?
Murphy: I鈥檇 like to say a year from now. We wanted to do it January 2023, but we don鈥檛 think that鈥檚 enough time. We want to be able to plan it very well. One thing that鈥檚 shocked me is how many things there are to do. Ah ah.
Susan: Since the engagement, we鈥檝e not actively planned anything and that鈥檚 why we want to move it.
Murphy: We don鈥檛 have a wedding planner because we heard they鈥檙e expensive. We believe in ourselves that we鈥檙e planners by heart.听
I will come back to check if you鈥檝e budged and gotten a wedding planner
Murphy: Hopefully we won鈥檛 o.
Susan: By the Grace of God, we鈥檒l be fine. I鈥檓 not scared of anything happening because I don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 anything that can make me say I don鈥檛 want to go through with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how鈥檇 you rate your love life?
Murphy: It鈥檚 a 10 for me. I love her.
Susan: If someone checks all the boxes of something you need in a person, then it鈥檚 a 10. M checks all the boxes and then even brings some extra to it. Before him, I didn鈥檛 know someone could be so intentional about another person, but here he is. My walking bag of joy.
