Love Life is a 91大神 weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
*Kola, 28, and *Cynthia, 27, have been dating for almost six years now. For today鈥檚 Love Life, they talk about finding each other on Twitter, navigating an already-existing relationship, and why they are still yet to have their first major fight.
What鈥檚 your first memory of your partner?
Cynthia: It was 2014; the day before my birthday. Since it was going to fall on a Wednesday, I jokingly tweeted that people use me as their #WomanCrushWednesday. He replied with 鈥淪ure鈥 and immediately DMed to ask for my picture.
Kola: The first thing I noticed was her beauty, let me not lie. Then as we got to know each other, her personality drew me in. We didn鈥檛 always have the same views, but that didn鈥檛 stop us from talking non-stop.
Do you remember meeting each other in person for the first time?
Cynthia: I remember him walking over to me at a social event and introducing himself with his Twitter handle. He was clearly shy, but I found that cute.
Kola: I remember being wowed by her confidence. Whenever she walks into a room, people stare, but it never fazes her. She鈥檚 very comfortable in her own skin.
When did you know you were into each other?
Kola: I was interested in her from the first day I DMed her. I just never did anything.
Cynthia: For me, it was about two months after we met. We became good friends, and I got to know him better. I was actually in a relationship at the time, but he challenged me in ways that my then-boyfriend didn鈥檛.
I knew he liked me, but he never said anything. He was very respectful of my relationship. I loved that he never came on too strong. That restraint was just one of the reasons I fell for him.
Kola, were you waiting for the relationship to end?
I honestly wasn鈥檛. I鈥檓 not a very perceptive person, so I didn鈥檛 even clock that she liked me. At that time, I was just happy to have someone I could talk to about anything and everything. I was actually expecting the whole situation to end in tears for me.
Cynthia, how did you go from that relationship to this one?
That relationship was falling apart, but I wasn鈥檛 ready to give up on it. I wanted to try and make it work. I even went as far as getting relationship advice from Kola. Still, nothing seemed to be working. We had serious communication issues.
I eventually ended things, but it wasn鈥檛 because of Kola. It just wasn鈥檛 working anymore. So, sometime after the break-up, I finally asked him what he wanted from me. He opened up, and we鈥檝e been together ever since.
Kola, would you have made a move if she didn鈥檛?
This is a question I ask myself all the time. As she said, I鈥檓 a very shy person, but I think I would have eventually made a move. I would have probably just waited a little longer for the coast to be clear.
I never wanted her to get the impression that I was waiting around for things to end with him.
Do you remember what your first major fight was about?
Cynthia: I know you won鈥檛 believe me, but it鈥檚 been almost six years, and I鈥檓 still waiting for our first major fight. We have a couple of rules set in place that have helped prevent that from happening.
Kola: Yeah. More than anything, we are both committed to making this relationship work. So, we never let anything fester. If she complains about something, I know it鈥檚 not coming from a bad place. I simply listen and adjust.
Cynthia, what are the rules?
Firstly, we never raise our voices when we disagree. Secondly, we never hang up on each other. Lastly, we never go to bed mad. These rules have allowed us to respectfully voice our opinions.
When did you know you had fallen in love?
Kola: It was two months after we started dating. I worked close to her house, and I used to visit her three times a week at the start of our relationship. By the second month, my day felt incomplete if I hadn鈥檛 seen her. That was when it hit me.
Cynthia: It was within the first month for me. We were texting, and I randomly brought up the fact that I was craving Big Treat鈥檚 coconut bread 鈥 the bakery was right across the road from the office I was in.
We continued texting for a bit, and I eventually decided to go get the bread. I got to Big Treat and there he was. The first thing he said was, 鈥淭hey鈥檙e out of coconut bread.鈥 At that moment, I couldn鈥檛 care less about the bread. I was just wowed by the gesture.
The second one happened two weeks later, and it鈥檚 also food-related 鈥 don鈥檛 judge, it鈥檚 the way to my heart. I was staying with a friend and I told him I was craving Nutella. That鈥檚 how he showed up with two huge jars.
How has this relationship been different from your past ones?
Kola: First of all, it鈥檚 been the longest. My longest relationship before this was about six months. It鈥檚 also the first time I鈥檓 receiving the love I鈥檓 putting out. In my other relationships, I was seen as too intense, but with her, my kind of love is appreciated.
Cynthia: It鈥檚 also been my longest. Before this, my longest relationship was two years. It鈥檚 definitely been my most challenging so far because I put in the work every day. We both do. And most importantly, he appreciates me in ways that none of my exes ever did.
What鈥檚 the most unconventional thing about your relationship?
Kola: I think the most unconventional thing about us is that we have reviews. From time to time, we sit down and break down where we are in our relationship. It鈥檚 our way of ensuring that our interests still align.
It can feel both technical and romantic at the same time. It鈥檚 not entirely planned out, but we have it often. We discuss things we鈥檝e noticed about each other since the last review.
It allows us to bring up the areas we think we can both improve. At the end of the day, we are both human, and we drop the ball sometimes. So, we have these meetings to address those instances.
How has the relationship changed you?
Cynthia: I鈥檓 a social butterfly, and he鈥檚 the exact opposite. So, I鈥檝e had to ensure that he never feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed when we go out. This has taught me to be a lot more considerate.
Kola: I鈥檝e learnt to relax and be more outgoing. I鈥檓 also a lot bolder. I never used to be the most confident person, but that鈥檚 not the case anymore. I鈥檓 a little braver and it鈥檚 all because of her.
What has been the biggest step you鈥檝e made in your relationship?
Cynthia: Moving in together.
What has that been like?
Kola: It鈥檚 been a few months, and the experience has been better than I could have imagined. We haven鈥檛 discovered any strange habits yet, but to be fair, we used to spend a lot of time together before the move.
Where do you see your relationship in five years?
Cynthia: Happier and closer. Definitely married with a kid or two.
Kola: As she said, married with a kid or two 鈥 we haven鈥檛 decided yet. Also, we should be living in a country that鈥檚 actually fit to raise children. If that鈥檚 Nigeria in five years, then so be it.
Cynthia: Nigeria? You and who?
LMAO. How have you guys kept the passion alive for this long?
Kola and Cynthia: Love, respect and commitment.
What鈥檚 the best thing about dating each other?
Kola: The consistency and energy. I鈥檓 never in doubt of how she feels about me. I never have to beg for attention or consideration. Honestly, nothing compares to having your energy reciprocated.
Cynthia: There are so many things to pick from. I love that he shows up every fucking day with the same energy. I can鈥檛 believe I landed the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful man I鈥檝e ever met. He makes me feel appreciated every damn day.
If you had to give the relationship a grade?
Kola: A+. Once we get married, it will move to A++.
Cynthia: A+ too. I鈥檓 really grateful for the broken roads that led me to him.
*Names have been changed for anonymity.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this .
