Author: Winifred Andem
Oral sex (blow job, cunnilingus) can be intimate, awkward, overrated, or the best part of sex, depending on who you ask. Some people love giving it, others prefer receiving it, and for some, shame, self-consciousness or bad experiences make it difficult to enjoy.
We asked seven Nigerians to share how they really feel about oral sex. Here鈥檚 what they had to say.
鈥淚 enjoy giving, but receiving makes me self conscious鈥 鈥 Uduak*, F, 23
Oral sex is great, and I particularly enjoy giving. I like knowing I can make my partner feel good. Receiving, however, makes me very self-conscious. I worry about how I look or smell and whether I鈥檓 doing everything right, even though none of my partners have ever complained. Social media and porn have also shaped how I see my body and what I think it should look like, so I struggle to get out of my head long enough to enjoy myself.
Overall, I鈥檓 a fan. I just wish I could relax when my partner is down there.
鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 always have to lead to penetrative sex鈥 鈥 Wura* F, 24
I once read that oral sex is sex, and that completely changed how I think about it. Most people treat it as foreplay, like something you do before the real sex begins. But I don鈥檛 agree. Oral sex can be the main event too, and I think we should start treating it as such. It doesn鈥檛 always have to lead to penetrative sex.
That said, I prefer giving. I enjoy pleasing my partner, and there鈥檚 something about watching her enjoy herself that makes me feel good too.
鈥淚t is an art form鈥 鈥 Ukeme*, M, 32
People treat oral sex like a stop on the way to penetrative sex, but I think it鈥檚 an art form in its own right. It can聽 feel vulnerable, intimate and, when there鈥檚 real attraction, incredibly pleasurable. I also think that it is an opportunity for partners to explore each other鈥檚 bodies and get familiar with areas that are more sensitive.聽
Personally, I get more pleasure from giving than receiving. I always feel very powerful when a man鈥檚 dick is in my mouth. Although I’m not into every form of oral sex, especially rimming, when I鈥檓 really attracted to a man, I鈥檓 open to exploring.
鈥淚t should be pleasurable for everyone involved鈥 鈥 Joy*, F, 25
A lot of Nigerians grow up hearing that oral sex is dirty and not something decent people should do. That shame follows people into adulthood, even when they enjoy it.
There鈥檚 also a double standard in how people approach it. Some men expect women to give them oral sex but refuse to return the favour because they consider it 鈥渘asty.鈥 Meanwhile, women who openly ask for what they want are often labelled whores. I鈥檇 like us to stop treating oral sex like a gendered obligation. If people choose to do it, it should be because everyone involved actually wants to and enjoys it.
鈥淭here’s unnecessary shame and awkwardness around it鈥 鈥 Josiah*, M, 28
I enjoy oral sex and like both giving and receiving, although I usually prefer to give. What I don鈥檛 understand is the unnecessary shame and awkwardness people attach to it. Sometimes, that shame gets in the way of people exploring something they might actually enjoy. Still, I consider it a personal choice. People shouldn’t feel pressured to participate just because it鈥檚 considered normal or expected in romantic relationships.
鈥淚t鈥檚 pleasurable when you can navigate your partner鈥檚 body鈥 鈥 Ima*, 25, F
There鈥檚 an expectation that oral sex with women should be automatically mind blowing, but that鈥檚 not always the case. Especially in the beginning when you鈥檙e still figuring out what your partner enjoys. You have to learn how to navigate their body.
I have no issues giving oral pleasure to women. With men, though, it never works for me. My gag reflex gets in the way and I throw up whenever I try too hard. I鈥檓 always on the receiving end with my male partners and I find other ways to please them.
鈥淚 wish people were more open minded about it鈥 鈥 Jacob*, M, 23
I鈥檝e never had the chance to give oral sex, but I鈥檝e received and enjoyed it. Despite having access to so much information, I think many people聽 are still misinformed about sex because they鈥檝e never questioned what they were taught. A lot of those beliefs are聽 rooted in shame
Personally, if something feels good and can be enjoyed safely and consensually, I don鈥檛 see why anyone should feel ashamed of it. I just wish more people were curious, open-minded and willing to learn.
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