A bunch of conversations later, I ended up here.

1999

The 6 billionth human was born in 1999, and while I was also born that year, that human wasn鈥檛 me.

You know what else makes 1999 an important year? The first ASUU strike and the switch to the democratic government we鈥檙e 鈥榚njoying鈥� now.

Out with the military and in with the thunder. I wonder what those 5 months were like for students.

2001

I was a chubby baby, walking around the house causing mischief.听听I don鈥檛 know if my mum was tired of me draining milk from her body 49 times a day, but I ended up in Kindergarten.听

While I was just starting school, University students were about to take another L for 3 months.

49 lecturers were sacked from the University of Ilorin and ASUU wasn鈥檛 having it. OBJ wasn鈥檛 ready to听deal with their feelings, so he called them lazy Nigerian youth 鈥�.听

2002

The baby boy was getting bigger and moving up the ladder. I like to imagine KG 2 was my boss year in Kindergarten.

I probably sat in the middle of the class, beside a pretty girl.

While I was enjoying my 3rd Christmas, ASUU was serving thunder again but not for very long.

The previous agreement had not been implemented and ASUU went on a 2-week long strike.

2003

Did anyone else have a long WWE wrestling phase? I know I did and it started when I was 4.

I鈥檇 come back home, speedily lose my uniform and beg my brother to play wrestling with me.

I always tried to do Kurt Angles ankle lock. Keyword being 鈥渢ried鈥�. ASUU too was experiencing trial and failure, the agreements still weren鈥檛 implemented.

While I was falling in love, ASUU embarked on the longest strike till date, a full 6 months.

听

2005

Four words 鈥� Lord of The Rings. The best movie of this century, argue with your pastor or priest. 6 years old and going outside every day.

After watching 鈥淔ellowship of The Ring鈥�, I became Legolas with the bow.

听

The downside is that I may have fired it at my sister and got a major ass whooping that evening. University students were about to feel some heat too, as ASUU was getting ready to interrupt academic once again. 2 weeks later things were back to normal and I was scheming how to make another bow.

2006

The first time I ever heard the word ASUU was in 2006. My big brother was in his first year and I had outgrown wrestling.

To be honest I didn鈥檛 have a partner anymore so I lost interest. He came home one day, ASUU had issued a warning strike and it was safer being at home.

He was back to school a week later though.

2007

Being the only child at home when I was 8 was beyond boring. My sister was in year 1 now, she had left me too.

I had my mom and dad every day, but making the lives of your elder siblings a bit more stressful has a unique taste.

I was busy playing outside, as usual, some parts of me missing them, some parts wondering if I should make a new bow and risk my mom knocking my teeth out, and they strolled into the compound.

Surprise surprise, Asuu had done it again. But I didn鈥檛 care really, it was the best 3 months of 2007.

2008

Junior secondary was when the real survival course took place. Avoiding seniors, trying to get food during break time and having my first real encounter with the sorcery called Math.

Normally I鈥檇 cry to my brother or sister and get them to show me a few tricks, but they weren鈥檛 around.

The one time I needed Asuu and they betrayed me.

You can imagine my delight when I overheard a conversation between my mom and my brother, mentions of a strike and ASUU. Unfortunately, they didn鈥檛 have the chance to come home.

I failed Math that term. ASUU went on strike for a week over demands for an improved payment scheme and the from the University of Ilorin.

2009

I hit 10 in 2009. I was still a short yellow chubby-faced boy, taking more note of the world but still having adventures outside.

The term had ended earlier than usual and the fun was about to begin. I was getting ready to 鈥渟hoot鈥� some arrows when 2 familiar figures strolled through the gate.

It had happened again, but this time it wasn鈥檛 going to be as much fun. My siblings wanted to graduate, not stay at home and count trees.

Those were 4 long months but in October, my siblings were back to chasing the GPA.

2010

It was bye-bye and see you later a few days to my siblings a few days after my 11th birthday. Once again I was Lord of the house and I would run around naked, stamping my authority with my royal buttcheeks. It was way more fun than it sounds.

I was done with another term and happy the holidays were here but I didn鈥檛 expect to see my brother and sister for another few weeks. I stepped into the house and there they were. I knew the routine by now. On the bright side, my Math scores went higher in the following term.

It鈥檚 safe to say I stunted on everyone in my class but it didn鈥檛 matter much, an extra year had been added to my sibling鈥檚 graduation date as the strike lasted for over 5 months.

2011

Moving to a new state is a life-changing experience. I didn鈥檛 know what to expect. But 5 months in Lagos gave me a growth spurt and puberty. It wasn鈥檛 bad so far.

My siblings were schooling in another state so it was weird to see them come home early December. No one needed to tell me ASUU was pon the strike again.

It didn鈥檛 last very long and some days after my 13th birthday, they were off to school again. It was the year my brother graduated.

2013

When you鈥檙e in SS2/SS3 your biggest concerns are WAEC and end of term parties. Thanks to having siblings I was also thinking about ASUU and the coming battles. Luckily my brother had already graduated and my sister was months away from leaving school too.

She dodged the bullet by a few weeks and finished her exams just as ASUU went on strike for 5 months.

On the flip side, it made her NYSC service a full calendar year, with all the many public holidays for the good of her sanity.

2017

At 18 both my siblings were long done with school, it was just me now. After the that happened in my school during my first year, I was praying nothing would try to mess with my graduation date.听

I should have used that time and energy to grow my Instagram honestly.

A few weeks into the second semester of year 2- like a thief in the night 鈥� ASUU came and did their magic. I started calculating how these people were about to mess with my graduation date but my God is bigger.

They called off the strike in September and it was back to hustling for the GPA.

2019

Now I鈥檓 in my final year, months away from escaping this psychological torture for a certificate I鈥檓 not sure will mean much and they have come again. When we鈥檙e talking about village people being online, it鈥檚 ASUU.

At this point, I don鈥檛 know how to feel about the strike anymore, but I鈥檇 still like to graduate this 2019. On one hand, I almost enjoy not being in school, being able to write, have a job and focus on my side hustle.

On the other hand, the sooner I leave this nightmare, the better. It looks like the strike will be called off soon, or it could last another 5 months as it did in January 1999.

Things are never as they seem in Nigeria.

One thing鈥檚 for sure now, I just want to be happier with a healthy bank account.

When a student on a 4.5 CGPA in his final year and semester, dares to dream he can finish with a first class.

Suggesting to a lecturer that has been using the same handwritten notes from 1988, to update his notes or send lectures via email.

When students try to ask for area of concentration, after the lecturer has broken the scheme into 22 topics and 250 pages of notes.

When they say a hand out they’re selling is not by force to buy, and no student actually buys it.

If the class is too full and rowdy for his liking.

When the class isn’t as full or as rowdy as he would like.

When you dare to think it’s his class you’ll be attending with that big afro on your head.

Attempting to ask a question while class is going on.

Not asking questions while class is going on.

When girls attend classes wearing sleeveless shirts.

And let’s not forget the biggest sin for female students. When your lecturer wants you and you think you can do something about it.

You鈥檝e heard it all. Nigerian universities are understaffed, underfunded and overcrowded. Their curriculums are as old as the lecturers鈥� degrees.

Gangs begin to scout you from the very first day like a Barcelona prospect. Lectures happen by the special grace of God and nothing else.

All of this paints the picture of a Nigerian university as a sufferhead training school.

And no-one knows this to be true more than the sufferheads-in-training themselves; students.

If they understand the problems, it only makes sense that they鈥檇 have a few ideas on how to fix things.

We asked 5 Nigerian undergrads what they would do to fix their universities.

Here鈥檚 what they said.

Oriafo Fehintola – The University of Benin.

鈥淪tudents should be admitted strictly to study the courses they choose, as opposed to instances where they get admitted for a vague course as consolation. 听Lecturers should teach students with enthusiasm and stop looking at them as avenues to make extra money.鈥�

鈥淭hings would be better if we had genuine teacher-student relationships, coupled with innovative ways of teaching that don鈥檛 involve needless dictation and long rambling.鈥�

Babalola Oyinlola Jane – Adeniran Ogunsanya College of Education.

鈥淎 good place to start would be for the Federal Government to increase the funds provided for the educational sector and ensure it鈥檚 effectively spent (because, corruption.)鈥�

鈥淎nd why don鈥檛 we have internet access on Nigerian university campuses in 2018, please? That 鈥� and basic amenities like well-equipped libraries and laboratories 鈥� so we can do what we actually came to school for.鈥�

Olumuyiwa Aguda – University of Ilorin, Ilorin, Kwara State.

鈥淲e need to create a more practical structure. We should set up exchange programs with universities outside Nigeria and Africa. And learning is not just about long lectures and bored students 鈥� extracurricular activities and skill acquisition will help nurture talents and so on.鈥�

鈥淎nd finally, we should show existing lecturers that they won鈥檛 die if they use tech and the internet to be better at their jobs, and hire more hands.鈥�

Oluwasindara Dada – National Open University Of Nigeria.

鈥淚t would be unrealistic to claim the hero and want to turn things around for my entire school but there鈥檚 one thing I did and can do, its self-tutoring.鈥�

鈥淪tudents coming together to study something they鈥檝e learned individually, together is one way to balance this entire issue. And that鈥檚 what I did.鈥�

Avan-Nomayo Osasenaga. University of Lagos.

鈥淕oing to a Nigerian University is more like a survival course than getting an actual education. Whoever decides the teaching outline needs to learn what the internet is. It鈥檚 2018, not 1982.鈥�

鈥淟et鈥檚 do a refresher course and introduce these old geezers to the world today. The delivery method needs to change. If you can鈥檛 get familiar with new teaching methods and tools, you shouldn鈥檛 be lecturing. Simple. We鈥檙e paying school fees please, don鈥檛 stress me.鈥�

There you have it, folks. If there’s one thing that stands out here, it’s that Nigerian students have little faith in the capacity of the people who teach and train them.

For instance, Naga, who describes himself as 鈥渁 very concerned and pained student that can鈥檛 wait to finish school and breathe easy鈥� goes on to say 鈥淎 Doctorate isn鈥檛 any proof that you can teach or should be teaching.鈥�

鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 make sense when people with no imagination are put in charge of lecturing young individuals with dreams and aspirations.鈥�

So is there any hope, you ask?

Things may look pretty gloomy, but not all hope is lost鈥搘e can fix Nigerian universities.

Our biggest obstacle is that education is expensive, and as things are, our country is too broke to afford the quality that it鈥檚 young people need.

There are some ways to overcome this鈥揂 wise man has suggested working with private employers to design the curriculum (and hopefully provide some funding). But that鈥檚 long-term stuff.

Going by what our undergrads think, introducing some senior citizens to the internet as quickly as possible might be a good place to start.

Let us know what you鈥檇 do to fix things in the comments. Don鈥檛 be shy.

2. The person that has decided to break the world record for most pictures taken.

3. The person that has come to slay.

4. The person that will just be crying anyhow.

5. The person that is definitely hungover.

6. The person that doesn’t even show up at all.

More 91大神!

2. How people queue up in front of Shop 10:

3. When you finish eating at Salado and they show you the bill.

4. You, when your crush sees you eating beans in front of Jaja.

5. When you run to Iya Moria to buy their bomb rice and it has finished.

6. You, when you discover the pounded yam at Computer!

7. When you get to Alhaja’s shop in 2001 Cafeteria and they don’t have plantain.

8. When you’re in school on Sunday and NO ONE bothers to open for you!

9. You and the suya mallams in Moremi are like:

10. When someone nice now surprises you with free Chicken and Chips!

11. When you buy take-away food and you start praying your roommates are not in the hostel.

12. Your roommates, when they now see you bringing food to the room.

13. How you enter Olaiya, because you know they always have amala.

2. When your school forces everyone to do mock exams to prepare.

3. When your parents force you to attend one local common entrance lesson:

4. When you ask your parents for a new math set and they start asking you JAMB questions.

5. How you look at Primary 4 students that want to follow you and do common entrance too:

6. You, jacking the Friday before your common entrance like:

7. How you see the maths and quantitative common entrance questions:

8. You, waking up on the Saturday of common entrance like:

9. You, looking for your friends when you get to your common entrance centre:

10. How you stroll into your centre with 12 extra pencils and 10 biros:

11. When you see them repeat questions you crammed in your Ugo C. Ugo.

12. You, when the invigilator starts dictating answers for some of the students.

13. You, waiting for your parents to come and pick you from the centre when it’s over:

14. When your result finally comes out and you passed the cut-off mark.

15. Your face, when you remember you still have interviews to do:

2. When you’ve not printed your docket and you hear the portal is closed.

3. Jaja boys thinking of what to protest about so they can shift the exams.

4. You will now start seeing some new faces in classes.

5. Some people will still come and borrow notes one day to exams.

6. How first class students be in Main Library.

7. You, trying to make sense of all the jargon in your notes.

8. You, when it鈥檚 exam period and NEPA starts flashing the light.

9. When you apply dusting powder to night class and people are looking at you funny.

10. When you hear someone has run mad in the library.

11. When you see your friend hanging with her guy in Love Garden.

12. Classes on a normal day VS classes during exams.

13. When you and your squad are reading in FSS and you hear gunshots in New Hall.

14. You, looking for the question the lecturer said is sure to come out.

15. Wicked lecturers looking at y’all struggling and enjoying it.

16. When Sodeinde boys start their wahala rap-battles again.

17. When they’re giving someone malpractice form to fill during the paper and you have dubs on you too.

2. How you see the students that charge boarders to help them buy stuff outside:

3. When you can hear day students gisting about Paloma and Diego in class.

4. When day students bring cold water to school and start forming stingy for you.

5. How day students look in the middle of the term vs. How you look in the middle of the term:

6. Your face, when day students start asking you for hostel gist:

7. How you look at day students when they bring their phones to showoff:

8. You, watching day students eat the food they brought from home.

9. When day students are talking about their weekend plans and you’re just there like:

10. How you spend your money vs. How day students spend their money:

11. How you look at day students that wear all the clothes they have at home for socials:

12. When a day student tries to form familiar with you and your guys.

13. You, watching day students leave school at closing time:

2. When she appeared and all the students immediately dispersed.

3. When she always walked around with a ‘weapon’ for flogging.

4. When she asked Amanda the meanest rhetorical question.

5. When she called a whole assembly just to punish one student.

6. When she used the ultimate Nigerian adult logic:

7. When Matilda finally reported to her father.

8. When she very clearly hated all her students.

2. Or your parents made it for you, because it was either engineering or medicine.

3. When you get to university and see how hard it is to get into an engineering course.

4. When you realize that the class is 97% male.

5. When you start registering for courses and you see the ridiculously long list.

6. When classes start and the lecturers all seem to be speaking Greek.

7. Then you realize that your Math no longer actually involved numbers, just bloody letters.

8. When your lecturer begins your first lecture of the year by showing you a pie chart of those who carried over.

9. And most 3 or 4 unit courses seem to be taught by demon professors.

10. When your friends complain about their ‘many’ 10 courses while you have 16.

11. When you do assignments over night and finish 20 minutes before classes start.

12. When you actually start your assignment 20 minutes to the due time.

13. And you have classes from 8am to 8pm, so no food places are open by the time you’re done.

14. When you finally have a free period and a lecturer fixes an extra class in it.

16. When you hear someone saying they like the course that single-handedly destroyed your social life, self-esteem, and GPA.

17. When your class size just keeps reducing till you have less than half of the students you started the course with.

18. So you start contemplating changing course.

19. When tests results came back and the entire class failed.

20. When the lecturer has covered 1500 pages of lecture notes and you ask him for AOC and he says ‘EVERYTHING’.

21. When the ‘Control Systems’ lecturer thinks that you actually understood what he was teaching.

22. When you hear about a revision or tutorial class.

23. Then it’s exam time, and you cannot even eat or sleep.

24. But you can calculate what you need to get to pass.

25. When you enter the exam hall and the questions ask you about material you haven鈥檛 learned yet.

26. That impending sense of doom when you realize that each of the three questions on your exam sheet set has multiple, lettered parts to it, all compulsory.

27. Overall, this is you during exams.

28. When you hear that results are out but you don’t move, because you already know what you got.

29. When your parents ask you to explain your results.

30. Then you realize that engineering wasn’t really your calling, but you’re stuck for 5 years.

31. When your 4-year course counterparts are graduating and you’re just going for IT.

32. When the lecturers actually expect you to make your final year project by yourself.

33. You can count the number of first class students in your whole department on one hand.

34. When all of your family and friends suddenly require your help on household repairs or math. Because engineer.

35. When someone else in your family wants to go study engineering.