As Told To Boluwatife

In 2017, I thought I had cracked the code to financial security. I was wrong.

I was 34 and naively believed I was on the right path to partial retirement by 40. I鈥檇 been extremely disciplined with my finances for years. I didn鈥檛 have an expensive lifestyle or spend money without carefully considering each expense.听

My wife is also frugal, so it was easy for both of us to plan our expenses and live on the barest minimum. We mostly lived on her income while I saved mine. We had one goal in mind: to save enough to make a big investment that would secure our future.

By mid-2017, I had about 鈧�30 million saved. To me, there was only one smart thing to do with that kind of money: build a house and rent it out. I figured that in six years, I could afford to take a break from work and live on my rental income. 

Although I worked in a federal ministry parastatal, I made most of my money from my farming and mini-exportation side hustles. With steady income from rent, I could step back from juggling multiple things at once and keep my civil service job, which wasn鈥檛 as time-consuming.

I already owned land from an earlier investment when my wife and I got married, so we decided to use the entire 鈧�30 million to build a four-flat house on it.

Looking back now, I didn鈥檛 think deeply about it. I didn鈥檛 run the numbers, consider maintenance costs, or account for evil tenants. I was part of the school of thought that believed nothing could ever go wrong with investing in real estate. 

My entire reasoning was that people would always need somewhere to live. Even if everything else failed, my house would still be there, bringing in passive income.

I finished building the house in a year 鈥� I must鈥檝e spent another 鈧�8 million in unexpected expenses. In 2018, my first set of tenants moved in. I honestly felt like I had arrived.

At first, everything seemed fine. They paid their rent, and I relaxed into the idea that I had made the best decision of my life.

Then, small issues started. One tenant brought in an electrician who did what I can only describe as magic while trying to connect her generator to her flat. When she turned on the generator, it blew some connections in the next tenant鈥檚 flat, so I had to redo the wiring. 

Another tenant was always fighting with his wife and disturbing the entire compound. Someone else was leaving the pumping machine on, letting water spill聽out of the tank for hours. Almost every week, a tenant would call me to settle one issue or another.听

I handled all this alone because I didn鈥檛 have a caretaker. I鈥檇 planned to pull in a distant relative to serve that function, but he insisted he鈥檇 only do it if he lived in one of the flats. It was an expensive option because it meant I鈥檇 have to forfeit rent. I rented the flats for between 鈧�650k – 鈧�750k/year. It wasn鈥檛 small money at all.

So, I managed the house and tenants myself. It was stressful, but I told myself it came with being a landlord. What I didn鈥檛 realise was that this was just the beginning.

Over the next few years, I experienced every type of tenant problem you can imagine. I had people damage the property and refuse to fix it, rent delays and even someone subletting a flat without telling me. Instead of passive income, the house became a full-time headache.

The money wasn鈥檛 even impressive. After expenses and repairs, what I earned yearly didn鈥檛 make up for the stress or the initial 鈧�38 million investment. Still, I held on. I kept telling myself it was an asset that would bring long-term benefits.

Then I met Joel*, the tenant who almost got me into real trouble.

Joel moved in around 2021. At first, he seemed responsible. He was married, but his family lived in a different state. Work brought him to the area, so he often stayed alone. His wife and kids only came during some weekends and long holidays. He seemed unproblematic, polite even.

But everything changed when his rent expired. The excuses started. 

鈥淚鈥檓 working on it.鈥�

鈥淚 need more time to gather the money.鈥�

I tried to be understanding because he seemed like a reasonable person.

However, after three months of back-and-forth, I got tired and asked him to move out if he didn鈥檛 have the money. That鈥檚 when I began to see Joel鈥檚 true colours. This man told me to my face that I couldn鈥檛 send him out. I needed to serve him a legal six-month quit notice because he was a yearly tenant and couldn鈥檛 just leave.

It turned into a whole situation. When persuasion didn鈥檛 work, I resorted to threats, but he refused to budge. He insisted he needed a legal notice and an additional six months to 鈥減repare鈥� to leave. 

When I eventually got a lawyer involved, Joel started avoiding the house so the lawyer couldn鈥檛 serve him the notice. This went on for another month before he eventually received the quit notice.

Even after that, this man refused to pay. My lawyer explained to me that Joel was still supposed to pay me the six months鈥� rent during the notice period. But of course, he didn鈥檛 pay anything. 

Six months elapsed, but Joel still didn鈥檛 leave. My lawyer suggested taking him to court, but it felt like a complicated process. The court would take weeks, and I鈥檇 still spend money. What right did this tenant have to make me go through all of that on top of my own house? I felt cheated and disrespected.

So, one day, I snapped.

I went to the house with some area boys and forced him out. We removed his belongings from the apartment and threw them outside. To me, it felt justified. He had overstayed, refused to pay, and ignored multiple warnings.

I didn鈥檛 think about the legal consequences. A few hours later, Joel returned with police men. The officers said I鈥檇 done 鈥渦nlawful eviction鈥� and destroyed Joel鈥檚 property. 

I couldn鈥檛 believe it. I had spent 鈧�38 million building that house, and now I was the one in trouble because of it. I spent three nights in jail and paid bail of 鈧�150k before I was released.

After that, I had to go back to the court I had tried to avoid. Joel claimed I unlawfully evicted him, and it took four more months of court visits and plenty of explanations. I spent close to 鈧�500k in lawyer fees. 

In the end, Joel stopped appearing in court and quietly packed out on his own towards the end of 2023. When I learnt he鈥檇 left, I actually did thanksgiving in church. The experience was so traumatic. I still send curses his way whenever I randomly hear or see the name 鈥淛oel.鈥�

I honestly regret investing everything in that house. If I had diversified my investments, I could have built something that didn鈥檛 depend on managing human behaviour every single day and would have made significantly more money.

It鈥檚 not like owning a house is bad; I just did it with the wrong intention. I thought it would bring me easy money and let me stop worrying about needing to work. But almost 10 years later, I鈥檓 not even close to retirement. 

The house is still there. I鈥檓 more careful with tenants these days, and I still make some money from rent. But my mindset has changed. It鈥檒l never be the stress-free investment I’d hoped for. In fact, it鈥檚 been the most stressful financial decision of my life. I often wish I could turn back time and make better choices, but I can鈥檛. I only have to look ahead and focus on what else I can do. 

The only small positive note is that the house is a legacy I can pass down to my children. I鈥檓 grateful for that.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Raised 鈧�8 Million to Japa. I Was Deported the Next Day

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As Told To Boluwatife

Seven years have passed since my unfortunate attempt to leave Nigeria for a better life in a different country. Yet, I still struggle to talk about my experience. I鈥檓 not sure I鈥檒l ever recover from the embarrassment and pain I suffered.

In 2019, I was 31 and convinced that escaping Nigeria was the only way to move my life forward. I was tired of my office job at a mid-sized logistics company in Lagos, and even more frustrated by the quality of life I could afford on my 鈧�60k salary. 

I lived in a tiny self-contained apartment and couldn鈥檛 do anything besides go to the office and church every week. I couldn鈥檛 even dream about getting married or owning a car. 

Meanwhile, everywhere I turned, someone was preparing to relocate or had already relocated. A former secondary school classmate moved to Germany and began posting pictures of snowy streets in our alumni WhatsApp group chat. A cousin left for the UK and started sending videos of his new apartment. Even someone from my office was talking about their plans to leave.

Everyone in my life was moving forward while I was stuck in one position. So, naturally, I started thinking about relocating too. Unfortunately, I had no money to fund any japa dream.

A colleague at work introduced me to a travel agent who explained a pathway that involved entering an Asian country with a short-term visa and arranging longer-term options after arrival. He spoke with confidence and gave examples of people who had successfully travelled the same route. 

It sounded like a great plan, but he also quoted 鈧�15 million for the entire process 鈥� including visa processing, flight cost, accommodation arrangement and settlement support. The cost was too much for me to even imagine, let alone have somewhere. 

Still, once the idea entered my head, I couldn鈥檛 let it go. For weeks, I thought only about how to raise the money and japa. It got to a point where I regularly daydreamed about finding dollars on the floor or someone mistakenly sending 鈧�15 million to my account. 

I also started researching the japa process on my own. I realised I wouldn鈥檛 need up to 鈧�15 million if I did everything myself without a travel agent. Based on my findings, I estimated 鈧�10 million would finish the process, and I鈥檇 still have extra to hold for the first few months after I arrived in the new country. 

So, I decided to start small and raise the money slowly. I convinced myself I鈥檇 somehow raise 鈧�10 million.

First, I liquidated my entire life savings of about 鈧�700k to start the visa application process. Next, I sold my late father鈥檚 acres of land in the village for 鈧�3 million. That move caused some issues between me and some extended family members. They argued I shouldn鈥檛 have made that move without their approval, but I didn鈥檛 really care what they thought. My only focus was on leaving the country.

And it seemed like things were working out in my favour. I got a six-month visa on my first try and still had an extra 鈧�2 million in my account. I only needed to raise about 鈧�6 million more to reach the 鈧�8 million I estimated for flight costs, accommodation and settlement budget. 

For accommodation, my colleague had linked me up with someone living in the country I was planning to travel to, and he鈥檇 promised to help me get a place. I just needed to send 鈧�3 million to him. 

For the next five months, I tried everything to raise 鈧�8 million. 

I started by taking loans. At first, it was from people close to me: my elder brother, two cousins, and a church member who ran a small cooperative. When that money finished, I started asking friends. Then friends of friends, and even people in my office. Before long, I had borrowed money from more than 12 people.

I told everyone the same thing: once I settled in Asia, I would start paying back immediately. Everybody believed me because at that time, it felt like moving abroad was a shortcut to success. Once you entered, your life automatically changed.

When the loans didn鈥檛 fetch me the money I needed, I started selling my things. My TV, generator, wardrobe and even my bed. At some point, I was sleeping on top of my clothes on the floor. I convinced myself I would eventually need to sell everything off when I was travelling anyway.

As my visa expiry date drew near and I saw no sign of raising the full amount I needed, I grew even more desperate. I decided to sublet my apartment without my landlord鈥檚 knowledge. I collected 鈧�1 million for two years’ rent from a former schoolmate鈥檚 brother and told him to lie to the landlord that he was my brother who had come to stay with me from the village. 

After all my fundraising efforts, I was only able to raise an additional 鈧�4 million, bringing my account balance to 鈧�6 million. By then, I had only one week left on my visa. 

The delay had also made it impossible for me to buy plane tickets in advance at a lower price. I eventually spent 鈧�2.8 million on tickets. After I sent the 鈧�3 million to the guy who had promised to help me with accommodation, I had just 鈧�200k left. Still, I believed I could easily find work when I arrived in the new country.

I travelled with that belief. I remember my excitement that day. My siblings took me to the airport, and we took countless pictures and videos. My mum even called and sent several prayers over the phone. Everyone was happy for me. 

On the plane, I was lucky enough to sit in a window seat and took even more pictures. I kept telling myself, 鈥淢y life is about to start.鈥�

I didn鈥檛 know it had already ended.

After two layovers, I finally arrived at my destination. At immigration, the officer stared at my passport for a long time. Then he started asking several questions about the duration of my visit and how much money I had. 

Remember, I only had a few days left on my visa. Well, I told him I was there on a short two-day vacation to tour the country. I couldn鈥檛 tell him I didn’t plan to return. 

Now that I think about it, my 鈥渧acation鈥� story was too foolish. Who would鈥檝e believed I was only there for two days when I travelled with three big bags?

The immigration officer called another officer, and the two spoke for a long time in a language I didn鈥檛 understand. Then they took me into a room and started asking me detailed questions. At some point, they even asked if I had paid someone to help me disappear after entry.

I kept insisting I was just visiting. But they didn鈥檛 believe me. I spent that night in an airport detention room with three strangers. Nobody explained anything or told me what would happen next.

The next morning, the immigration officers handed me a document and said I would be returned to Nigeria immediately. They said my visa timeline was suspicious and they鈥檇 prefer to remove me from the country before any overstay occurred.

Just like that, within 24 hours of 鈥渞elocating,鈥� I found myself on a plane heading back to Nigeria. It felt like a very bad dream. I didn鈥檛 even know whether to cry or laugh. Everything happened so fast. 

The reality of my situation hit me fully when I landed in Lagos. I had no home and nothing to my name. I鈥檇 sold everything and taken multiple loans to raise 鈧�8 million to travel. 

Now, I was back to square one and even worse off than before, owing almost 鈧�3 million with no hope of how to pay it back.

For the first few weeks, I couldn鈥檛 face anybody. When relatives called for updates on my trip, I had to tell them the truth. News of my deportation travelled fast, and creditors started calling to ask when I would start repaying their money. I stopped picking up calls and eventually had to switch the phone off completely.

I initially hid in my brother鈥檚 house, but when the shame became too much, I ran to my village. The people there also knew about my failed relocation, but at least they wouldn鈥檛 come to me every day to ask about Asia. Even in the village, gossip from Lagos got to my ears. How most people thought I had run away with their money, and were cursing and mocking me. 

It was a shameful period for me. I kept imagining how everyone expected me to be doing well abroad, but I was back with absolutely nothing. I had never heard of someone who spent less than 24 hours in a country before deportation. I wanted to die. I even tried to commit suicide twice, but my relatives rescued me. 

Seven years later, I鈥檓 slowly rebuilding my life. I returned to Lagos last year after spending the last few years working with a cousin who runs a small building materials shop. 

I鈥檝e managed to repay some of the people I owed. Most of them eventually forgave my debt. I also have a better job now. My pay is still not much, but I鈥檓 surviving.

The trauma of this experience still hasn鈥檛 left me. I have nightmares about it from time to time. In my dreams, I鈥檓 coming down from a plane, and big, muscled men suddenly rush at me and push me back inside. Sometimes, I wake up crying.

Now, whenever people around me start talking about japa plans, I just keep quiet. I can鈥檛 go through that suffering again. 

I know Nigeria is even worse now, and I still want a better life. But for now, I鈥檒l try my best to find that life here. 

*Name has been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Spent 鈧�15m Relocating to China With My Wife. I Often Regret It

As Told To Boluwatife

In late 2021, I was a 200-level student just coming out of the pandemic lockdown. My financial situation was manageable; a polite way of saying I was at the bottom of my family鈥檚 very long list of priorities. 

I come from a family with 11 children. My dad did his best to make sure all of us had an education 鈥� we even went to private schools 鈥�  but after fees were paid, there was nothing left for an allowance. I survived uni by taking random 鈧�10k -鈧�30k freelance writing or social media gigs.

Then, a friend of a friend introduced me to a DAO (Decentralised Autonomous Organisation), which is essentially a blockchain-based community.

I started as a social media intern, earning $300 a month. Within a month, I was promoted to team member and also joined their ambassadorship programme. Ambassadors used platforms like Discord to find and pitch our services to other decentralised organisations and startups.

My pay jumped to $700. But the real money came from the quarterly bonuses. We were building infrastructure for other crypto companies and had goals to hit. When we hit those goals, we got payouts every three months. 

I made my first million easily. My first two payouts were 鈧�700k each. Soon, I was seeing bonuses between $2,000 and $5,000 every quarter. I was a 20-year-old student pulling in millions of naira. 

I adopted a new lifestyle

When you go from managing to having everything, your brain does something funny. It convinces you the tap will never run dry. And it wasn鈥檛 just me. 

My girlfriend and some friends worked at the same company, and the new inflow changed how we thought about money. We started making questionable financial decisions.

I completely overhauled my life. I lived like a king. First, I paid two years’ rent upfront for a new apartment. I gave my old laptop to my brother and splurged 鈧�350k on a new one. Then I changed my entire wardrobe. 

Also, my girlfriend, my friends, and I bought enough food and supplies to last six months. We bought a fridge, a freezer, and furniture.

I became the family bank. I started receiving payouts from the company in November. By December, I made sure I spent a lot of money to make Christmas special for my family. Beyond that, I was gifting money like nobody鈥檚 business. I sent money to whoever asked me for it. It was crazy.

Next, the partying started. I didn鈥檛 really want to party all the time, but the thing about being in a friend group is that you can鈥檛 just back out of something everyone else is doing. I had fun sometimes, but most of the time I felt iffy about partying. 

Every time I tried to convince my friends to sit out a party, they鈥檇 be like, 鈥淟et鈥檚 do it.鈥� In the end, I鈥檇 think, 鈥淲hat the hell? I might as well.鈥�

While I was being unnecessarily generous and partying regularly, my girlfriend鈥檚 income (which was more than mine) mostly went into dealing with black tax. We lived together, and I knew she was constantly sending money to her parents and feeding her household. To cope with the stress, she bought things on impulse. Every day, delivery riders were at our door to bring clothes she didn’t need.

The 60% mistake

My life wasn鈥檛 just a big blur of spending sprees. I also tried to make what I believed were sensible financial decisions.

Instead of saving, I thought it was better to invest. All my friends were experts in Web3 and cryptocurrency, so I followed their advice and invested in crypto.

I put 60% of everything I earned back into crypto 鈥� Ethereum, my company’s token, and a few other promising coins. I thought I was being smart. 

But 2022 arrived, and the hit. Everywhere turned red, but I kept hoping the value of my assets 鈥� about $8k in total 鈥� would go back up. At the same time, infighting started at the company. Everyone wanted to be at the top of the food chain for the biggest bonus allocations. The toxic energy at work bled into our friend group. We went from supporting each other to competing.

By August 2022, the company collapsed.

I didn鈥檛 know how to stop spending

You鈥檇 expect that I鈥檇 adjust when the money stopped flowing in, right? Unfortunately, my girlfriend and I had gotten so used to a lifestyle, and we didn鈥檛 know how to pump the brakes.

I got another job earning $150/month at a startup almost immediately, but it was a drop in the ocean. My girlfriend started taking out loans to maintain our lifestyle. We fell into a classic debt trap: we鈥檇 borrow money to survive the month, get paid, use half the pay to settle debt, and then run out of money by the middle of the next month. The cycle repeated until there was nothing left to borrow.

Maybe things would鈥檝e been better if we鈥檇 managed the limited resources we had better. My girlfriend was still impulse buying and taking on family responsibilities. I can鈥檛 put the full blame on her, though. I should鈥檝e also tried to regulate our spending.

I eventually had to sell my crypto investments. I sold them for less than half of what I bought them for to clear our debts.

By November, everything was gone. My relationship ended, and my friend group fell apart. I also lost the new job because the startup didn鈥檛 even have an official operating license. 

I had to leave the apartment and move back into a school hostel 鈥� an eight-man room packed with 30 people. Imagine going from living under 24/7 AC to that kind of room. I couldn鈥檛 handle it and kept falling sick. Eventually, I ran away from the hostel to squat with a friend. 

Starting over

I spent 2023 and 2024 rebuilding. I took a PR internship that paid 鈧�40k, then moved up to 鈧�100k after about a year. I also took on a social media gig for a Web3 company for 鈧�150k. I was hungry sometimes, and I often had to do the one thing I didn鈥檛 really want to do: ask my parents for an allowance. They were surprised since I never ask, but they tried their best to send me money

Today, I鈥檓 24 and serving NYSC. I don’t have a high-paying job right now, and I don’t have any investments yet. But I have something I didn’t have at 20: Sense.

I realised that my friends and I failed because we didn’t have anyone older to guide us. We were just a bunch of 20-year-olds with too much money and zero financial literacy.

My plan for the next time the millions come? No more 60% crypto bets. I鈥檒l put 10% in ETFs and stocks. I鈥檒l also look into real estate, something tangible that won’t disappear when something goes wrong.

I鈥檒l prioritise financial stability over splurging. I have a passion for music that I鈥檇 like to explore, but I know I need a financial foundation first.

I don’t regret it, though. I must have made over 鈧�10 million in the year I worked at the DAO. So, I guess I made a 鈧�10 million sacrifice to learn how money actually works. I鈥檓 a lot less naive now. If I made all that money once, it can happen again. This time, I鈥檒l be ready to keep it.

*Name has been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Saved 鈧�4m at 19 and Achieved All My Dreams. Still, I Feel Behind

This is Oyin鈥檚 story, as told to Boluwatife

I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life without warning on a random Tuesday afternoon in 2024. 

I was lying on my bed, absent-mindedly scrolling through Instagram. I had just finished replying to a work email and decided to 鈥渞est my eyes.鈥�. Then a familiar smile stopped my thumb mid-air.

It was Kunle, my boyfriend of six years, on BellaNaija鈥檚 Instagram page.

The caption read something like: 鈥淟ove is sweet! #KunleWeds鈥︹�� I didn鈥檛 read the rest at first. I was too busy staring at the pictures.

There he was in a cream agbada, leaning into a woman I had never seen before. She was wearing a matching cream aso-oke, laughing into his chest like she had every right to be there.

I blinked and refreshed the page. Surely my eyes were playing tricks on me. But the post was right there, no matter how many times I refreshed it. I zoomed in on his face to be sure I wasn鈥檛 mistaken. I wasn鈥檛. It was Kunle.

My Kunle. My 鈥渨e鈥檙e-getting-engaged-before-the-year-ends鈥� Kunle.

I even checked the date, as if it might have been from years ago, and I somehow missed it. It was posted twenty minutes earlier, and already, comments were pouring in. 鈥淪o beautiful!鈥� 鈥淕od, when?鈥� 

I forwarded the link to his Instagram DM without typing anything. I didn鈥檛 trust myself to add words. The message delivered, and I waited hours, staring at my screen at intervals for the 鈥渟een鈥� icon.

When it was almost midnight, and he still hadn鈥檛 seen the DM, I called him over the phone. I called three times, but he didn鈥檛 pick up. I went to check his WhatsApp and saw that his profile picture had disappeared. He had blocked me. Confused, I went to his Instagram account, and it said, 鈥淯ser not found.鈥�

That was when the confusion began to turn into something colder. Because if this was a misunderstanding, why was he blocking me everywhere?

And if it wasn鈥檛 a misunderstanding, then who had I been in his life for the past six years?

****

This story is culled from a weekly series exclusive to the 91大神 Daily Newsletter.听聽for more stories like this.

Life comes at you really fast. 

You read stories of people sharing how they discovered that their partners were seeing someone else, and you never think that can happen to you. I never thought that could one day be me. Yet, here I was. 

The worst part is that we were fine. 

Kunle and I were one of the most steady and comfortable couples you鈥檇 ever meet. We hardly fought and shared the same sense of humour. Whenever we hung out with mutual friends, we almost always ended up driving everyone to fits of laughter because we were always cracking jokes.

We met at a mutual friend鈥檚 convocation celebration. It was also my convocation, and I鈥檇 gone to this friend鈥檚 canopy to take pictures with him. In the confusion of arranging to take pictures, Kunle mistakenly spilt his Chapman on my white dress and wouldn鈥檛 stop apologising. 

He asked for my number to 鈥渄ryclean the dress,鈥� and I told him I would consider it. He texted the next morning: 鈥淗ow鈥檚 the dress? And how鈥檚 the girl inside it?鈥� It was corny, but I loved it.

Somewhere between late-night calls and weekend visits, he became my person.

Six years is not a small thing. It was years of inside jokes, of learning the exact tone of his voice when he鈥檚 stressed and falling asleep together over the phone. I even met his family, and his sister often called me 鈥渙ur in-law.鈥� 

Earlier that year, in March, we went ring shopping. We often talked about our future and, over the years, had both agreed that 2024/2025 was the most realistic period for us to settle down. By then, we would have worked for a while and saved up some money. 

So, when Kunle had asked that we visit a ring shop so he鈥檇 know my preferences, I thought, 鈥淭his is it. The proposal will happen this year.鈥�

That was in March. The BellaNaija post went up in October.

How did he go from planning a future with me to getting ready to marry someone else in seven months? How come I had no idea?

I needed to find answers, so I did the first thing that came to mind.

****

Since Kunle had blocked me everywhere on social media and even phone calls, I did the next best thing: I started spam-calling him.

I spent a week calling him every day with different numbers. Once he picked up and realised it was me, he鈥檇 block the new number too. I sent him several messages, pleading for him to explain what was happening. When he didn鈥檛 respond, I resorted to sending curses. He didn鈥檛 reply to those either.

I also tried catching him unawares at his house, but somehow, he was never there on the few occasions I went. When all my attempts at reaching him failed, I turned to his sister, Bimpe.

Bimpe and I were somewhat close. We had hung out together without him a few times, and I often gifted her on her birthday and on random occasions. She had even once joked that she鈥檇 choose me in the divorce if Kunle messed up. If someone had answers for me, it鈥檇 be Bimpe. 

When she picked up, I didn鈥檛 waste time. 鈥淏impe, what is going on?鈥�

She didn鈥檛 need to ask me what I meant. Instead, she let out a heavy sigh and swore she didn鈥檛 know the girl either. She said Kunle had just started bringing her home a few months back. At first, the family thought it was nothing serious. Then suddenly it was introductions and wedding plans.

鈥淎 few months?鈥� I remember repeating, like maybe if I said it slowly, it would hurt less.

Bimpe said she didn鈥檛 know how to tell me. That it wasn鈥檛 her place, and she kept hoping Kunle would explain it himself. 

She 鈥渄idn鈥檛 know how to tell me.鈥� 

After six years of being with her brother and regularly visiting her family’s house. I had a cordial relationship with everyone in that family, and yet no one saw it fit to tell me the truth. 

In the 鈥渕onths鈥� since he started bringing this other woman home, I still visited them a few times and ate with them. I can鈥檛 imagine that they were smiling with me while actively planning a wedding behind my back. 

I asked Bimpe a question, 鈥淲hen he brought her home, did you mention me to her?鈥�

She didn鈥檛 say anything in response. That silence told me everything I needed to know. No one had fought for me. I had simply overestimated my place in that family for all those years.

I hung up, and the tears finally came. I cried so much, my eyes were bloodshot. I had to take sick leave from work for days. I didn鈥檛 feel like myself for weeks; it felt like my heart was breaking several times a day.

And then, in the middle of that heartbreak, I made a decision that shocked even me.

I decided I would attend the wedding.

****

This story is culled from a weekly series exclusive to the 91大神 Daily Newsletter.听聽for more stories like this.

My friends and siblings tried to talk me out of attending the wedding. 

They kept saying, 鈥淥yin, what do you want to do there?鈥� 鈥淚s the heartbreak not enough? Do you want to embarrass yourself on top of all that?鈥�

I didn鈥檛 have a clean answer for them, and I still don鈥檛 really know why I went. I guess a part of me wanted to see it with my own eyes, to confirm it wasn鈥檛 a bad dream. Also, if anyone needed to be embarrassed, it should be Kunle, not me. 

So, I made my findings and discovered the wedding date and venue. I bought new outfits, had my hair done and even hired a professional make-up artist. I arrived at that wedding looking like a million dollars.

When I walked into the church, I felt eyes on me almost immediately. Some of our mutual friends attended the wedding as well, including some of Kunle鈥檚 coworkers who knew we were dating. I鈥檓 sure the gossip was hot that day. Everyone probably expected me to create a scene and give them even more to talk about. Me, I was just there to enjoy myself.

Kunle saw me just as the ceremony started, and his face changed. The confidence disappeared, and his smile tightened. He looked like a man waiting for chaos. I didn鈥檛 give him any.

After the church programme ended, I followed everyone to the reception hall. I even greeted his mum politely and hugged Bimpe. Both of them were just staring at me as if I鈥檇 grown two heads. 

I found my seat, and when the food came, I ate to my fill. I must have stopped every usher that walked by to collect a new plate of food and small chops. When it was time to dance the couple in, I joined the crowd and danced as if there were a prize for the best dancer. 

At this point, even the bride had noticed something was off. I鈥檓 not sure if she knew me or if she just noticed the way Kunle was staring at me with fear in his eyes. Both of them were uncomfortable and didn鈥檛 dance as much as they should have. They just signalled the MC to stop the music and continue with the rest of the programme.

Throughout the rest of the day, Kunle kept stealing glances at me while I tried as much as possible to avoid his eyes. Honestly, despite my outward bravado, my heart was breaking inside, and it took everything in me not to break down and cry. When I couldn鈥檛 hold it in anymore, I left the party and went home. 

That night, he sent me one message. 鈥淚鈥檓 sorry.鈥�

Just that. I stared at it for a long time. Then I put my phone down and went to sleep.

****

It鈥檚 been over a year since all this happened. 

On the outside, I look fine. I go to work and laugh with my friends, but I鈥檓 still nursing pain in my heart.

Betrayal changes a person鈥檚 life so much. I don鈥檛 believe in promises anymore. When a man tells me he likes me, my mind immediately starts producing imaginary red flags. Instead of feeling flattered by compliments, my chest tightens, and I get scared.

I hate that about myself. I used to love freely. Now I analyse everything, and it鈥檚 exhausting.

Sometimes I replay the last year of our relationship, looking for clues I missed. Was she already there when we went ring shopping? Were there late replies and 鈥渂usy weekends鈥�  that I ignored?

I don鈥檛 think I鈥檒l pursue a relationship anytime soon. Trust feels like a weird concept, and I don鈥檛 even trust my own judgment anymore.

The scariest part isn鈥檛 that he betrayed me. It鈥檚 that I鈥檓 not sure I鈥檒l ever be the girl who believed in forever so easily again.

I don鈥檛 know which loss hurts more.

*Names have been changed to protect the subject鈥檚 identity.

Enjoyed this story?  for more stories like this.

As Told To Boluwatife

Growing up, I never knew what money trouble meant. I attended an expensive private school and lived a comfortable life. That changed in JSS 2 when my dad passed away.

The cracks appeared. He hadn鈥檛 left money behind for us, and my mum had to step in and do it alone. By JSS 3, I was moved to a different school. I hated the change and struggled with being limited to what my mum could afford. I developed a fierce need for my own money.

I started selling everything. I sold bracelets in school. On Sundays, I鈥檇 pack snacks and drinks into my mum鈥檚 car and sell them to church members. 

At university, a friend told me, “Abby, you鈥檙e a great writer. Do you know you can make money from this?” That was my entry into the gig economy. 

I started at a writing agency for 鈧�1 per word. Then, it went up to 鈧�1.5. It wasn’t much, but it was mine. Eventually, I realised writing gigs weren’t frequent enough, so I looked for a real job.

In 2023, during my second year, I got a job as a customer service rep for a media company, earning 鈧�40k/month. Six months later, they asked for a volunteer to manage their social media. I had experience writing YouTube scripts and content writing, so I told them to sign me up. 

By then, my customer service salary had increased to 鈧�65k. When I took on the additional social media role, the figure jumped to 鈧�105k/month.

At this point, I鈥檇 stopped going to classes. I just stayed in my hostel and worked. It didn鈥檛 matter because I鈥檓 an avid reader; I鈥檇 read my school material at the end of the day and still pull good grades.

In early 2025, I added Upwork to the mix, writing YouTube scripts. I was making at least 鈧�200k/month from Upwork alone. In the same year, I transitioned completely from customer service to the marketing manager role for the media company, and my salary dropped to 鈧�100k.

2025 was also the year I made my first million. It didn鈥檛 come from one big payday, though. I made it by being an avid, almost obsessive, saver. I never left my hostel or spent money on clothes, so I channelled my earnings into savings. 

I saved every single penny from Upwork. Sometimes I鈥檇 make $100, sometimes $300, and I didn鈥檛 spend anything. My initial goal was to save enough to buy a laptop. By the end of the year, I had saved almost 鈧�4 million.

I spent most of it fulfilling my 18-year-old dreams. I moved out of the hostel and rented an apartment for 鈧�800k, furnishing it with another 鈧�1m. Then, I bought a second-hand laptop for 鈧�300k and a phone for 鈧�500k 鈥� though I got scammed and had to spend more to swap it. The rest, about 鈧�1 million, went into savings and investments.

I鈥檓 obsessed with investing. I bought some of in 2021, and the value has skyrocketed 鈥� I’ve gotten over 100% returns. I have a few stocks, but my preferred investment instruments are mutual funds, ETFs and some crypto.听

Currently, I have three jobs: the marketing manager role (鈧�100k), a new internship I just got (鈧�101k), and a community engagement gig (鈧�30k). I don’t even spend the 鈧�30k; I split it between my ETFs and mutual funds.

My portfolio currently sits at about 鈧�600k in liquid savings and 鈧�400k in investments, though crypto volatility recently reduced the latter slightly to about 鈧�350k. I use mutual funds because they feel safe, and ETFs for the long term. I even got the apartment just because I鈥檒l soon graduate and wanted a one-year break from the pressure of family and post-grad life.

I鈥檝e ticked all these boxes, but I still don鈥檛 feel like I鈥檓 doing enough. I don鈥檛 believe I鈥檝e made it.

When I was 18, the pinnacle of success was 鈧�100k a month and an apartment. I got those things, and suddenly, they felt small. The goal posts have moved. Now, I鈥檓 20 and depressed. I feel like I need to be earning 鈧�1 million a month to feel safe. 

One of my jobs, the internship, is at a marketing agency, and I鈥檓 hoping to get retained or find a foreign company that pays better. But I have major imposter syndrome. I鈥檓 constantly scared my superiors will realise I don鈥檛 know as much as they think I do.

My next goal is to hit that 鈧�1m monthly income by the end of this year. And for once, I want to actually spend money on myself. I鈥檝e been working since I was 15, and every naira has been tied to a goal. 

People say money is just a tool, but when you鈥檝e been on both ends of the stick, you know that money can be a saviour. If there were a church for money, I鈥檇 worship there. I know exactly what it can do for a person, and I never want to be without that power again. 

I鈥檓 turning 21 soon, and I鈥檓 frustrated because I鈥檓 not where I want to be at this age. I haven’t even travelled. I鈥檝e been making money for five years, and I鈥檝e never just spent on a whim.

I鈥檝e achieved my 18-year-old dreams, but now, I鈥檓 just looking for the next finish line. I just want to hit that 鈧�1m/month mark so I can finally chill and stop running for a second. Maybe even take an international trip. I鈥檒l probably want more money when I hit 鈧�1m, but let me get there first. 

*Name has been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Gave Up My Career for My Husband. Now, I鈥檓 40 and Starting Over

Now, she shares how she鈥檚 reclaiming her life from the wreckage of a one-sided partnership.

As Told To Boluwatife

If you had met me at 30 and asked what my life would look like at 40, I鈥檇 tell you I鈥檇 be stable and established, in the process of setting up an education fund for my children and building a retirement fund for the future. I鈥檇 say nothing about figuring out how to rebuild my savings from scratch.

But unfortunately, this is where I am.

When I met my ex-husband, David*, in 2014, I had a consulting career in advocacy and was starting to get recognition. I travelled for work and paid my bills. I even had savings and a few investments to my name. I was comfortable. 

David ticked all my boxes, and the cherry on the cake was that his drive matched mine. He had an energy business idea I knew could become big if we joined forces. 

So, when we got married in 2015, I imagined we were more than romantic partners. We were a team, building a business empire together. 

Two years into our marriage, I turned down a major career opportunity. The money was good, but the job required me to relocate to a different country for a year. It would have come with a lot of exposure, but it would have meant leaving David to manage his growing business alone.

He didn鈥檛 outrightly ask me to reject the job. Instead, he asked questions that implied he didn鈥檛 support me taking the job. 

Questions like, 鈥淲ill you be able to focus on our marriage?鈥� 

鈥淒o you think we can survive long-distance?鈥� 

鈥淲hat happens to the business? You know it鈥檚 still at a fragile stage.鈥�

So, I declined that job and told myself it was a temporary sacrifice. 鈥淭emporary鈥� turned into 10 years.

I stopped applying for specific roles because I didn鈥檛 want to disrupt our home. I avoided contracts that required much travel and mostly took work that didn鈥檛 require much of my time. The trade-off was that they were low-paying opportunities. I was essentially making myself smaller to make our marriage feel stable.

In addition to all that, I still had to take on almost all the financial responsibilities at home. David’s business struggled a lot in the early years, and I often had to step in.

There were months when business was slow, and I had to dip into my savings to pay David’s staff (the two people who helped him with logistics and operations). I paid the house rent and covered our feeding expenses more times than I can count. 

I even 鈥渂orrowed鈥� him 鈧�3m to sort medical bills incurred from the emergency surgery and intensive care hospital stay when we had our twins in 2020. He didn’t have the money, and I had to gather money from my mum and siblings to settle the hospital so they’d allow us to go home. 

David promised to pay the money back, but every time he made some money, there was always something else to pay for. I ended up liquidating my 鈧�4m fixed deposit savings to repay that debt and handle other household expenses.

In all this, I never confronted David or complained about taking on his responsibilities. I was the perfect picture of an understanding wife. 

Then, one random day in 2025, David said he wasn鈥檛 happy anymore. Even as I recount this, it sounds like the kind of stuff you see in movies. How do you explain to people that your husband left you because he 鈥渨anted something different鈥�? It鈥檚 not like he caught me cheating or could give me a good excuse for why I was no longer enough for him. He just said he鈥檇 provide for the kids, but he needed to walk away, and he did.

It was when he left that I realised how much of a disservice I鈥檝e done myself in the past 10 years. I鈥檇 poured all of myself into him, into his business and our family, such that there was almost nothing I could point to as mine.

I鈥檇 stopped working entirely in late 2023 to be more hands-on with our children after a nasty experience with a domestic help. The help was excessively beating the kids, and we (David and I) thought it best for me to look after them full-time until we could find a suitable replacement. That was yet another 鈥渢emporary鈥� arrangement that turned out to be permanent. 

Another thing that took the urgency out of returning to work was that David鈥檚 business was finally picking up and paying the bills. I thought I had put in the work and could finally reap the fruits of my effort. Until David ended the marriage and forced me to reevaluate my life. 

I didn鈥檛 have the financial cushion I thought I did. My savings had been drained slowly over the years. The investments I once had were liquidated to 鈥渉elp us鈥�, and my career had practically taken a back seat. I was 40 and vulnerable. 

Nothing prepares you for that reality. It鈥檚 different when you鈥檙e younger. At 25, you still have time to make mistakes and start over. But what does starting over look like at 40? I should be thinking about retirement and settling into old age with my family.

Instead, I鈥檓 back into the hustle and bustle of building a safety net. I had to dust off my CV and try to reclaim a professional identity. I even added everything I did for my husband鈥檚 business in the CV and gave it official-sounding titles like operations management, vendor negotiations and budget oversight.

I was fortunate enough to get a fairly decent job in January 2026 after months of job-hunting, but I know I would have been several positions ahead if I hadn鈥檛 let David derail me. Still, I can only look forward.

It will be tough to do on a 鈧�200k/month salary, but I plan to set up an emergency fund and have consistent savings by the end of the year. I also have ideas for a business, and my siblings are ready to lend me capital to get started. 

I like to maintain a positive outlook, so I鈥檒l say one good thing about this ordeal is that I can see clearly now. I used to think keeping my home stable was the highest form of contribution. Now I know stability also means making sure you can survive independently. No one imagines their home breaking, but if that happens, you need to be able to stand.

If I could talk to my younger self, I wouldn鈥檛 tell her not to support her husband. I would tell her to have an untouched safety net, never stop growing professionally, and, most importantly, never reduce her capacity to make someone else feel secure. Support should not mean self-sacrifice. 

I鈥檓 not where I imagined myself to be at 40, but I believe I鈥檒l still get there; it鈥檚 just going to take me longer. I鈥檝e learned my lessons, and it鈥檒l only get better from here. 

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Spent 鈧�15m Relocating to China With My Wife. I Often Regret It

He shares how he navigated the world of social media growth, his transition into high finance, and the exact mathematical strategy he鈥檚 using to reach 10 figures by his 30th birthday.

As Told To Boluwatife

The Early Hustle: Selling Clout from a Dorm Room

I was 15 when I stumbled into the right WhatsApp groups. Back then, I was active on Twitter and found my way into these closely knit circles with top influencers. I struck up a friendship with a guy who managed a B-list artist. Because I had free time, I鈥檇 help him with small admin tasks, like contacting people and managing PR group chats. I was basically a digital errand boy for free.

This relationship taught me how valuable social media popularity was. People were crazy about amassing followers, and I realised I could make money from it without being famous myself.

My manager friend put me on. He taught me the strategy behind social media growth: how to engineer organic and inorganic follower growth.

I did that by partnering with a friend who brought in clients 鈥� influencers and other people who wanted to grow their accounts 鈥� while I provided the technical know-how. I found a team of Vietnamese suppliers who could generate dormant and bot Instagram accounts and followers in bulk. I鈥檇 buy them in units, let’s say 500 or 1,000 followers per unit, and ship them out to the influencers.

By the time I was 17 and in 100 level, we were selling up to 100 units a week. We鈥檇 sell a unit for about 鈧�4,000, take out the cost of paying the Vietnamese guys, and split the profit 60/40. I was netting 鈧�140k a week. In a month, I was making over 鈧�500k in net profit. 

That鈥檚 how I hit my first million.

Managing the Windfall

Making that much money wasn鈥檛 entirely new to me because I grew up privileged, but it did fuel a bad habit: gambling. Having so much free time and “easy” money led me to sports betting. At one point, 30% of my income was just going into gambling.

The wake-up call to quit gambling came one evening in 2022. I was broke, and when I looked at my bank statement, I saw that all my money had gone to bets. I knew I was ruining my life and needed to do something better.

I turned to my father, a finance professional, and asked him to introduce me to a friend who ran a microlending business. I鈥檇 seen their financials and wanted in on the profits. This friend鈥檚 primary customers were traders on Lagos Island. These traders often bought and sold goods in large quantities and always needed cash. 

The risk of lending was high because they might not repay the money, but if they did, I could make far more money. I took the risk and gave 鈧�1 million to one trader. She de-risked it and spread it across 10 traders at 鈧�100k each. Then she got it back in instalments and paid me 鈧�28,000 every single Sunday for an entire year. That was a 50% upside. It taught me that regardless of how much you gamble, you need a consistent cash flow that hits your bank account like clockwork.

The Transition: From Clout to Private Equity

By late 2024, the Instagram business had become unprofitable. The platform鈥檚 security measures tightened, and they began banning bot accounts. Also, I bought the accounts and followers with dollars, and when the exchange rate spiked, it became too expensive to buy accounts that might get banned.

Plus, I had just graduated. It was time to face the real world. Two weeks after leaving uni, I moved into Investment Banking.

I started as an “intern”, but it was a real job at a . Several people had resigned when I joined, and I had to quickly get acclimatised with how investment banking worked in Nigeria. I worked long hours, often staying at work late into the night.

My pay started at 鈧�70k/month, then jumped to 鈧�150k three months later when I started my NYSC. After my service year, my role became 鈥済raduate trainee鈥�, bumping my pay to 鈧�320k.

I worked there for two years, and recently switched jobs. I now work in Private Equity (PE). Salaries at PE firms are usually higher than at Investment Banks (IB). This is because while IB earns fees on deals, PEs earn more from carried interest and management fees on the fund raised (even if they haven鈥檛 invested the money yet). 

Plus, in the Nigerian market, most deals are capital market transactions (such as and ). There are multiple IBs offering the same services and hustling for the same pie. PEs have an edge.

Also, moving to Private Equity, my job band jumped to Senior Associate, which was higher than my Analyst band at the IB. My base pay is 鈧�45 million per annum. That鈥檚 roughly 鈧�2.5 million monthly, plus other allowances.

In Private Equity, we “eat what we kill.” I work on infrastructure assets 鈥� think of guys like Dangote wanting to build a refinery. If I buy an asset that does well and close the right deals, I鈥檒l earn huge bonuses from the income the firm generates from those deals. Since I鈥檓 just starting, I鈥檒l probably make between 鈧�10m and 鈧�20m in bonuses by the end of the year. 

However, at the rate I鈥檓 going, I project I will start making the big bucks in two years; at least 鈧�70 million in yearly bonuses.

The Strategy: How I鈥檓 Hitting 鈧�1 Billion by 30

I鈥檒l turn 30 in nine years. The math for a billion is doable, but it requires discipline and aggressive planning. 

Here is the breakdown:

1. High Savings Rate: I spend very little and don鈥檛 plan to get married before 30, so there aren鈥檛 many things coming to take my money away. I can comfortably live on about 鈧�12m 鈥� 鈧�18m a year and save about 60% of my total income.
2. Fixed Income: My investment strategy is pretty simple: fixed income and equity. When rates are high (above 23%), I lock money away in fixed income. Because of my background in investment banking, I know where to get higher (and riskier) rates that aren’t available to the general public, like private notes or asset-backed facilities, sometimes at up to 25% tax-free interest.
3. The Equities Gospel: I don’t trade crypto anymore because I lost everything (about $3k when I was making money from Instagram) when . I learned my lesson.听

Now, I watch the stock market. I pay attention to volumes. If I see a dormant stock suddenly start moving, I know someone big is buying. I call my more investment-savvy mentors to confirm, and I follow the money. Higher risks come with higher returns, and I can make a 40% upside (and more) from making the right plays.

4. Compounding Bonuses: If I earn 鈧�70m in bonuses for the next nine years, that鈥檚 鈧�630m. When you add my salary, my high savings rate, and the 40% upside from aggressive equity plays, the path to 鈧�1 billion is clear.听

Even if my bonus projection doesn鈥檛 work out how I envision it, my current 鈧�45 million income won鈥檛 stay static. If I get a promotion in a year or two, I鈥檒l move to 鈧�75m. I could also move jobs and double my income.

Of course, these are all projections. A COVID 2.0 can come and set the world back. I could lose my job and need to start afresh. I could also wake up with the desire to secure a Master鈥檚 Degree. Still, with all that, I should walk away with about 鈧�200 million.

Future Plans: Hard Assets

Interestingly, I haven鈥檛 thought about what I鈥檒l do when I hit a billion. I don鈥檛 think anything will change. I鈥檒l still work for people who have money to buy assets, and maybe earn enough to buy one for myself and run it.

By 40, I want to own hard assets. If it鈥檚 not a marginal field, it will be a power plant. I鈥檓 not the guy who takes things from zero to one, but I take them from 10 to 100. I know how to build the models, raise the capital, and operate the business.

People often say I鈥檓 “too young” when I walk into rooms, but I don’t let that stop me. I don’t spend money lavishly. I鈥檓 disconnected from the typical social pressure to spend. My only goal is to keep the structures lean and the numbers working.

Adeniyi鈥檚 Actionable Steps for Wealth Building:

• Don’t do it alone: My biggest asset isn’t my salary; it’s my friends in the market and my mentors who tell me when I’m messing up. Join professional circles where people talk about why the market is moving, not just that it鈥檚 moving.
• Arbitrage your time: Use your free time to find a digital niche or side hustle. Use the capital from your side hustle to fund your education or certifications to enter a high-ceiling industry.
• Protect against inflation: Use as a buffer, but use for actual growth.
• Know your math: I track my portfolio on a laptop and run simulations. If you don’t know your numbers, you don’t have a strategy. You cannot grow what you don’t measure. Use a spreadsheet to track every naira that enters and exits, and project your growth based on different interest rate scenarios.

*Subject鈥檚 name has been changed for anonymity.

ALSO READ: How I Built a 7-Figure Income Source While Still in University

聽for relatable stories and actionable insights to help you make the most out of your money.

In this story, he talks about dating a woman who expected enjoyment without restraint, the incident that made him realise he could not rely on his partner, and how he ended things after realising that sex was the only thing she consistently brought into the relationship.

This is Akpan’s story, As Told to Adeyinka

Right now, I can’T consider any serious relationship. It鈥檚 not because I don鈥檛 believe in love, and it鈥檚 not because I don鈥檛 want companionship. It鈥檚 because of what I went through with my ex. That experience showed me a side of relationships I wasn鈥檛 prepared for, and I鈥檓 still dealing with it.

When I started dating Chigozirim two years ago, everything felt normal and even sweet. She acted like she cared about me. She doted over me so much that if a mosquito landed on my skin, she鈥檇 brush it away immediately and ask if I was okay. It made me feel seen. She wasn鈥檛 raised in Lagos. She grew up in the village and only moved to Lagos after getting a job on Victoria Island. At the time, that difference didn鈥檛 bother me. I believed that love was about understanding each other and growing together.

As the relationship went on, I began to notice that the effort was almost one-sided. She was all about the good life and enjoyment, but whenever something came up that required the smallest sacrifice of her time or effort, she took off. Anytime I told her I was busy with work, she would get irritated. If I said I couldn鈥檛 see her that day, she would insist that we meet anyway, just to go out and have fun. She always wanted us to enjoy ourselves, but she never wanted to talk about building anything beyond that.

Sex was never an issue; she never denied me sex. That part of the relationship worked smoothly. It was the easiest thing she parted with. But whenever the conversation shifted to plans, discipline, or how to think about our future, her countenance changed. I would tell her we needed to slow down spending so we could save towards something meaningful. I would suggest that she delay changing her phone or that we skip big celebrations for a year, so we can focus on our goals. But Chigozirim would always respond as if I wanted to deprive her of happiness.

She would ask if it meant she should stop wearing wigs, stop buying clothes, stop celebrating her birthday, or stop expecting flowers and gifts. I tried to explain that I wasn鈥檛 against having a good time. I just believed that there was a time to enjoy and a time to build. I showed her my bank statements so she would understand that I had money, but I also had plans. I asked if she would stay with me if things didn鈥檛 work out, and I ended up struggling, and she avoided answering directly.

What hurt me the most was that I didn鈥檛 feel like we were a team. Everything was about what I could provide in the moment. There was no conversation about how we could support each other in the long term. She expected me to show her off, spend money on her in front of friends, and constantly prove my affection through gifts and outings. There was no room for restraint or understanding.

One particular incident changed how I saw everything. 

I was with some of my friends when area boys surrounded my car. Anyone who drives regularly in Lagos knows how dangerous that situation can become. They demanded money aggressively, and I knew that if I didn鈥檛 settle them quickly, things could escalate. I panicked and called her. My friends were right there listening.

I begged her to help me, even if she had to borrow the money. I told her I would pay her back the same night. She said she didn鈥檛 have money. This was someone who had been working for a long time. I asked her again because the situation was serious. She still refused. There was no advice, no show of concern, and no attempt to help in any way.

That moment stayed with me. I couldn鈥檛 wrap my head around the lack of empathy. I felt exposed and embarrassed in front of my friends. I felt like I was alone in something that could have gone very wrong. From that day, I started to realise that I couldn鈥檛 depend on her when things got difficult.

I believe relationships should involve shared responsibility. It doesn鈥檛 always have to be equal, but there should be effort from both sides. Even if someone can鈥檛 help financially, they can still offer advice, encouragement, or emotional support. I didn鈥檛 feel any of that from her. All she brought consistently was sex, and while intimacy is important, it can鈥檛 be the only thing holding a relationship together.

What I see a lot now is the idea that sex alone is a huge contribution. It鈥檚 treated as if giving sex is the same as giving real support. As if opening your legs means you have already done your part. That mindset doesn鈥檛 sit well with me. I believe that relationships should involve growth, understanding, and sacrifice from both sides.

Ending the relationship wasn鈥檛 easy. I didn鈥檛 walk away lightly because, as much as I didn鈥檛 like that I mostly got sex, that need was fully catered for. There were feelings involved, and I questioned myself at times. But I knew I couldn鈥檛 continue pretending that everything was fine. I realised that whenever things became serious, she protected herself and left me to face problems alone.

Since we broke up, I鈥檝e noticed a pattern in my interactions with other women. When I talk about my dreams and the discipline required to achieve them, many see it as a problem. They act as if planning and restraint are signs of selfishness. Later, when a man starts doing well, those same people are quick to celebrate and claim they believed in him all along.

For now, I鈥檓 choosing myself. I鈥檓 focusing on my life, my plans, and my peace of mind. I鈥檓 not closed to love forever, but I know I can鈥檛 go back into a situation where I feel unsupported and alone. 

I want a partner who understands that enjoyment is important, but building a future together matters even more.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

When you鈥檙e done reading, you鈥檒l get to decide: Did Mimi fuck up or not?

This is Mimi鈥檚 Dilemma, As Told To Boluwatife

I鈥檝e been close friends with Lizzy for almost 6 years. In that time, I鈥檝e learned her strengths and her flaws, and Lizzy has never been great at managing money. This isn鈥檛 me talking behind her back; she openly admits it.

I鈥檝e seen it happen multiple times. In 2024, just after we wrote our final exams in uni, Lizzy told me about a small business idea she was really passionate about: selling skincare and makeup products. She talked about how it could help her earn extra income. 

She even had the capital for it, but instead of moving forward with the idea, she spent most of that money on her convocation. She bought two new outfits, a pair of shoes, and three bags. I understand she needed the outfits for the convocation photoshoot, but three bags? When I asked her why she splurged like that, she couldn鈥檛 give a reason. The money eventually ran out, and the business idea quietly died, too.

This event stuck with me because Lizzy seemed genuinely disappointed in herself afterwards. She told me she wished someone had stopped her.

So, when Lizzy got a 鈧�400k bonus from work in July 2025, she already knew what the problem would be. She said she wanted to save the money for rent (due in January 2026), but she didn鈥檛 trust herself to leave it untouched. Her solution was to give the money to me.

She told me clearly that once she transferred the money, I should not give it back to her under any circumstances until January. She made me promise, and I did. I honestly thought this was a sign of growth; she was recognising her weakness and asking for help.

When she sent the money, I took the responsibility seriously. In fact, I locked the money away in a savings app so it wouldn鈥檛 be easy to withdraw. In my head, this was me protecting her future self.

Three months later, in October, Lizzy came to me for the money. She said she urgently needed to change her phone because it had started malfunctioning. According to her, it had become a problem and was stressing her out.

I told her I couldn鈥檛 give her the money.

We had an agreement. She gave me the money specifically to stop herself from making impulse decisions. Also, I鈥檇 locked the money in a savings app and set a release date for January. If I withdrew the savings before the release date, I would forfeit about 鈧�14k. 

I knew Lizzy wouldn鈥檛 want to lose 鈧�14k from the amount. She would鈥檝e just suggested that I lend her money from my savings instead, while I waited for her money to be released 鈥� She knew I had some money saved. 

However, I wasn鈥檛 willing to do that. I keep my money in several savings accounts and money instruments, and I don鈥檛 like to liquidate unless in an 鈥渆verywhere is burning鈥� emergency. I knew Lizzy wouldn鈥檛 understand that, so I just told her the money was locked until January.

Beyond all that, I didn鈥檛 see a phone as an emergency. To me, rent was more important than replacing a phone that still worked, even if it was inconvenient. I even offered to give her one of my old Android phones to manage if hers was disturbing her too much.

Lizzy refused. She just kept asking for her money. Each time she asked, I said no. I reminded her of why she trusted me with the money in the first place. I thought I was being a good friend by refusing to cave because things had gotten uncomfortable.

After that, everything changed.

Our conversations became tense. She stopped calling like she used to. Even when I reached out, Lizzy鈥檚 replies became short and distant. The warmth we鈥檇 had for six years just disappeared. 

On New Year鈥檚 Day, I sent Lizzy her money immediately, thinking it would end the tension. Instead, she told me I overdid it. She said I wasn鈥檛 a good friend. I should have understood her situation and helped her when she needed it. According to her, I treated her like a child and acted as if I knew better than she did.

I was shocked. Since then, I鈥檝e tried to fix things. I鈥檝e reached out. I鈥檝e tried to talk about it calmly and explain my intentions. I鈥檝e apologised for how the situation made her feel, even though I was just following the rules she set. But Lizzy remains cold and distant.

What hurts the most is that it feels like this six-year friendship is unravelling because of money, money I never touched or benefited from. I truly believed I was helping her as she asked me to.

Now I鈥檓 left questioning myself. Maybe I should have been more flexible. Perhaps I should have trusted her judgment. Or did I do exactly what a good friend was supposed to do? I really don鈥檛 know.

NEXT READ: Na Me F鈥擴p? I Snitched and Cost My Friend Her Job

As Told To Boluwatife

The possibility of relocating to China first began taking root in my mind in late 2023.

The idea came from Clara*, a friend I met in 2016 at my NGO job. We鈥檇 remained close even after we both left the NGO. That year, I learnt she鈥檇 gotten married and moved to China to study. Clara sold me the dream. She talked about scholarships, monthly stipends for international students, and China’s status as the world’s manufacturing hub.听

“You鈥檙e literally studying for free and the stipends will cover your living expenses. You can also do business on the side,” she said. “You won’t even want to come back.”

I was doing okay for myself in Nigeria. I was an outlet manager for an oil and gas company. My salary was between 鈧�500k and 鈧�700k a month, depending on allowances. I had a car and lived in a good house. My life was stable. 

Still, I knew better than to imagine my future was secure in Nigeria. With all the ways Nigeria can happen to a person, it鈥檚 almost impossible not to look elsewhere. 

So, I bought the China dream. I sold the idea to my wife, and we started the process in 2024.

The Money Just Kept Piling Up

The first mistake I made was not researching enough before jumping headlong into the japa plan.

I didn’t have a budget because I didn’t know what I was getting into. All I knew was that my wife and I needed to secure graduate school admission to relocate. Clara would plug us to an agent, and everything would go smoothly.

It didn鈥檛 exactly happen like that.

The agency fees and application costs came in bits. “Pay this for the agency,” “Pay that for the school.” Because it didn’t come in a single lump sum, I didn’t realise how deep I was going until I was already neck-deep.

We paid about 鈧�3 million in agency fees and application costs. We had to apply to several schools to make sure my wife and I could attend the same university. A lot of time also went into trying to get the best scholarship offer available. 

In China, they have what you call 鈥淭ype A鈥� and 鈥淭ype B鈥� scholarships. The provisions of each scholarship differ by school, but they mostly offer full tuition, accommodation, and stipends. The typical difference between the types is the amount of monthly stipends they offer. 

鈥淭ype A鈥� students received a monthly stipend of up to 2000 RMB (about 鈧�450k). 鈥淭ype B鈥� stipends were usually around 1000 RMB. Unfortunately, my wife and I got the 鈥淭ype B鈥� scholarship.

Still, Clara encouraged us to keep our minds open and continue with the process. Next came visa processing and document authentication, which took another 鈧�1 million. 

Even after admission and visas were sorted, we faced another delay and additional expense due to a name error on my documents. We couldn’t book flights early, and ended up paying almost 鈧�4 million for tickets. 

By the time we landed in China in September 2025, I had drained my savings. The whole process cost me roughly 鈧�15 million. This includes the 鈧�2 million cash we arrived in China with as an emergency fund.

The Reality Check

The perfect life we were promised hit a wall the moment we arrived.

First, the scholarship stipend wasn’t what we expected. Instead of the 1000 RMB we were promised, we learnt we鈥檇 only get 500 RMB. As if that wasn鈥檛 enough, Clara had told us that, in addition to the monthly stipend, our supervisors would also pay us an allowance for studying with them. 

So, we calculated that we鈥檇 get at least 500 RMB from our supervisors, bringing our total stipends to 1500 RMB each. We estimated that it would be enough to live comfortably, save and even send money home.

However, we got there and learnt that supervisors only paid medical students and laboratory research assistants. We were studying tourism management, so no money for us. We had to find a way to live on a 500 RMB monthly stipend.

Unfortunately, the 鈥渕onthly鈥� stipend didn鈥檛 come monthly. They didn鈥檛 pay us for the first three months. They have this centralised system where if one person in the whole international student group hasn’t finished their bank registration and other documentation, nobody gets paid.

During the admission acceptance process, we paid a refundable commitment fee of 2400 RMB per person. We鈥檇 been told we鈥檇 get the money back as soon as we resumed. But we didn鈥檛. The money only came after three months, when we eventually got our first stipend.

That meant we had to stretch the 鈧�2 million we brought with us to China to the limit for the first three months. It wasn鈥檛 even up to 鈧�2 million because we spent about 鈧�1.2 million on medicals and residence permits upon arrival. 

Those first three months were tough. In addition to suddenly accepting that our financial projections had changed, we incurred a few unnecessary expenses because we were newbies. We initially took several taxi rides because we didn鈥檛 know how much cheaper buses were. 

The Chinese are also very smart people. Once they noticed we didn鈥檛 know the language and relied on Google Translate, they overcharged us for things like meals and SIM cards.

Another shocker has been the housing. Clara gets to stay with her husband and their baby. However, my school is different. I think it鈥檚 because they just started their own international student program. Even though we are a married couple, the school put us in separate dorms. 

So, during the day, my wife comes to my room, we cook together in the common kitchen, we eat, and then at night she returns to her own room. I鈥檓 a married man, but I鈥檓 sleeping in a bunk bed with four other men. I can鈥檛 afford to get an apartment because we aren’t allowed to work on a student visa. If they catch you, it could result in deportation.

It鈥檚 interesting how I expected that I鈥檇 be sending money home regularly. Instead, I was the one getting support from home for the first few months after I arrived. Things are a little better now. At least we鈥檝e gotten the stipend. 

The only small problem is that they paid six months’ worth of stipends at once. So, instead of monthly, they pay every six months. We鈥檝e had to live very frugally because if the stipend finishes before the next one comes in, we鈥檇 have to be fully dependent on support from home. Thankfully, we brought a lot of foodstuff from Nigeria, so that鈥檚 helping a bit.

When I think about all these things, I regret leaving everything and spending so much to come here. I call Clara almost every week to share my frustrations. I know she didn鈥檛 plan to intentionally give me wrong information. She was just acting on what she knew; I should have done my own thorough research. 

To be fair, I sometimes have some 鈥淭hank God for China鈥� moments. 

My wife needed surgery a few weeks ago, and our student health insurance covered the entire cost. The hospital treated her so well, like an egg. I compared the cost of the surgery in Nigeria, and it would have cost 鈧�2.5 million. Plus, she wouldn鈥檛 have gotten that level of care.

It鈥檚 not just the hospital. I don鈥檛 fear for my life here. I recently heard about someone killing a whole family over inheritance in Kano. Here, I鈥檝e never even seen a gun. My lecturer, a doctor, said she has never seen a real gun in her life except in movies. I can walk outside at 2:00 a.m. to buy something, and I don鈥檛 even look behind me. The data is unlimited and cheap. The light doesn’t go off.

What鈥檚 Next?

Right now, I鈥檓 still moving between regret and resignation. One day, I鈥檓 happy to be here; the next, I鈥檓 regretting my life choices. I鈥檝e been here for four months. I know how much I would鈥檝e made back in Nigeria. Instead, I鈥檓 living from hand to mouth, trying to survive. 

Thankfully, I still manage to send 鈧�30k home every month to my mum and my junior siblings, because I have to keep my word. Still, this wasn鈥檛 the life I hoped for.

The plan now is to find a way into business. I鈥檓 sending out quotations to people who want to buy things from China. If that clicks and I start making a profit, I鈥檒l stay, maybe do a PhD to extend my visa, and find a way to move out of this dorm so I can live with my wife properly. If that doesn鈥檛 work, we鈥檒l have to carry ourselves back to Nigeria.

China is full of opportunities, and I know there鈥檚 a chance I will make it here. I just have a lot of mixed feelings. I wouldn鈥檛 discourage anyone from coming here, just make sure you know the real cost. Arm yourself with the right information, and be prepared for anything.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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