“Mike Ezuronye. 峄� b峄� g峄�? (Is that you?)”

2) Sonia (Sony)

Sonia is the name of the white woman on the pack.

3) Poly Station (Play Station)

There’s so much wrong with this but the thing that bugs me the most is that Nintendo doesn’t even own Play Station. Sony does.

4) Heimekem (Heineken)

How much are you willing to bet that the person behind this is named Nkem?

5) Sdidsa (Adidas)

I initially read that as “Sambisa” and my brain froze.

6) All of these (Puma)

Didn’t someone once say that variety is the spice of life?

7) Deats By Nani (Beats By Dre)

“Molowo NANI!”

8) Ghanel (Gucci + Chanel)

Nna ehn, they even combined the logos for the two brands.

9) This Abominable Combo (Obama + Sonic + Harry Potter)

This one worries me because Sonic looks like he has Jaundice.

10) This Ralph Lauren Polo logo

The horse threw the guy off its back and is now running away because it doesn鈥檛 want to be associated with this nonsense.

RECOMMENDED: 5 Nigerian Celebrity Endorsement Deals That Took Us For Idiots

This is much worse when the money taken was your last card. Now you’ll have to enter the banking hall and start shouting for them.

2) The ATM swallowing your card.

Just forget it and go apply for a new one.

3) The ATM taking longer than usual to work and people behind you start getting impatient because they think the real reason is that you don’t know how to use the machine.

“They’ll soon start calling me ‘olodo.’ Hay God.”

4) Waiting in line for so long only for some random person to show up and say, “I’m in front of you. I’ve been sitting down there.”

“Why are you like this?”

5) Waiting in line for so long only for the money to finish when it gets to your turn.

Then you have to resist the urge to start fighting the person who withdrew before you.

6) The ATM going offline with your card still in it.

How…Wh…WHAT DO I DO NOW?!

7) Attempting to press the buttons only for the ATM to shock the shit out of you.

Then you turn to the people behind you with a look on your face that says, “DID YOU SEE THAT?!”

8) The ATM giving you money so old and dirty, it looks like someone used it to wipe their ass after a case of explosive diarrhea.

“I deserve better than this sha oh.”

9) The ATM giving you your card WITHOUT the chip.

Oh, yeah. That happens.

10) The ATM giving you incomplete money.

“Wtf is this shit??”

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Then there are some celebrity endorsement deals you see that just make you quietly go:

Deals like:

1) Davido and Infinix:

Davido became an ambassador for Infinix that year and proceeded to do nothing for the brand outside of showing up for appearances and making ads. Even funnier was when, not long after signing the deal, he very publicly took his crew on a shopping spree to buy iPhones.

2) IK Ogbonna and Dorco Shaving Sticks:

These people really expected us to believe that IK used their razors to shave his facial hair when we know damn well that Ikog Bonna (much like his brethren, the 3 orange men from the 90s Mirinda ads) has clearly never grown facial hair.

3) Flavour and Flat Tummy tea

See ehn, the reason deal with worked so well is that no one knew who Jared was before he showed up, claiming that Subway’s sandwiches had helped him lose weight. The opposite of this is the reason why the ad above didn’t convert many people. We know how Flavour , and it’s not by knocking back shots of Flat Tummy Tea.

4) Wizkid and Tecno:

Look at his facial expression in this picture. He couldn’t look more uninterested if he tried.

5) All the celebrities that have ever signed with Glo:

We all know they never really used that slow-as-hell network. None of them should even try to give me that stuff.

Nigerian Celebrity Endorsement Deals

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“So if I was younger or older, I would be ugly??”

“Are you saying that I’ve been ugly the entire time you’ve known me?”

“Have I been smelling like dustbin before today??”

“Do it. Go ahead and call me ‘fat’ with your chest, you bastard.”

“So did you always just think I was stupid before today?”

“Bitch, I’ve already done it! What are you trying to say??!”

“Thanks. I actually having tiny rockets boots that aid with movement.”

“Like? What do you think I am really??”

“Honestly ehn, fuck you.”

“Are you saying I’m not worth much??

“I may be wrong but it sounded like you just insulted my entire family.”

“Really? Tell me, what are other *insert group* people like?”

What’s up, 91大神 Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this . It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Here are 15 memes I was given by the AI meme generator that actually make sense.

1) This meme you use when you see your friend who you know has no game with a girl.

“Is he paying her? Nah, he’s broke as shit. Did he demand this as payment for something he’s doing for her??”

2) This meme for when you realize that your hoe phase might be getting out of hand so instead of taking responsibility for your actions, you go ahead to blame your penis.

Classic deflecting.

3) When your secondary school would have a substitute teacher fill in for a teacher who was absent so your classmates would make a telepathic pact to drive this sweet, innocent substitute mad and you swore you wouldn’t join them but eventually did.

Some of those substitutes quit teaching because of you little demons.

4) This meme that perfectly describes what Twitter Naija people are like when there hasn’t been any fight or mass dragging on the timeline in days.

“Someone please say something problematic, or I WILL die!”

5) This meme that sounds like the kind of thing a white person would tweet and end up getting thousands of retweets for even though it lowkey makes no sense.

“What does this even mean??”

6) This meme for when your child gives off bad vibes and you just can’t stand a bad-vibes-having nigga.

You’re not doing anything wrong because according to white Twitter, YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE IN THIS WORLD ANYTHING. FUCK THEM KIDS.

7) This meme that perfectly describes when a friend (who initially thought they were your only friend) meets your other group of friends and is jealous that you have other people in your life.

“So you’ve just been going around befriending people is that it? You whore!”

8) This meme for when your friend jokingly but expertly insults you in public and it lowkey hurts like hell but you don’t want to make a scene and still want to acknowledge their mastery of the craft.

“獗结祲食矢 岬愥祾岬検搬祲食岫犪禈岫溼祻岬壥�!”

9) This meme for when a refuses to leave you alone.

The worst.

10) This meme that describes the excitement with which white high school teachers read Huckleberry Finn to their students because they know it’s their one chance to say the n-word in public without .

This is such a white people joke. Oh my God.

11) This meme that is so meta, it ejected me from the Matrix and shot me straight into Zion.

On the bright side, this is why the AI meme generator exists.

12) This meme for when you’re a chronic introvert who gets dragged out to a party and you successfully get through the night without passing out.

To let the other introverts in the group chat know that you’re ok.

13) This meme that every (one who has ever been a) student can relate to.

“Well, I can always carry over this course but THIS party won’t happen ever again. YOLO!”

14) This meme for people whose lives are so uneventful that they just want literally anything to happen.

So, everyone currently in lockdown.

15) The meme you send to friend you know has no game just to mess with them.

“Screw you, man.”

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1) Putting your essence inside a bottle.

This method was revealed in the 1998 Nollywood movie, Suicide Mission. Regina Askia puts RMD’s essence in a groundnut bottle and manipulates him using this. Her evil deeds are revealed when Pastor Patrick Doyle shows up, causing the bottle to break and Regina to turn into an unattractive dog. In your case, NO ONE is coming to break your bottle.

2) In the form of a voodoo doll.

Oh, yes. That prickly feeling you get all over your body from time to time that you think are effects of heat rash are really the effects of your voodoo doll being stabbed by numerous pins. Brace yourself for when the pain get worse.

3) A physical copy of your photo pinned to the bottom of a clay pot full of water.

All those times you had difficulty breathing or your hearing was distorted by what sounded like rushing water, this is what was happening. You’re royally screwed.

4) Your literal better half being trapped in a mirror dimension.

Because it’s not enough to trap a vital part of you, they also have to scare and confuse the shit of it.

5) Them deceiving you into thinking you can go out with reckless abandon just because the lockdown is being lifted.

You think Miss Rona gives a shit about your curfews?? HAHAHAIAMLOSINGMYMINDANDTHISISACRYFORHELPHAHAHAHAHA!

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Here are some things we now miss:

1) Exchange rate.

I miss the days of 1 Dollar = 150 Naira.

2) Proper holidays.

I can’t believe I ever complained about being free from June till August without having money worries. I am sorry, Mum and Dad.

3) Being carefree.

Need that child-like lack of awareness during these Corona over-information times.

4) Saturday morning cartoons.

I can’t remember the last time I gave something my complete attention like this.

5) Birthday excitement.

This used to be exciting to look forward to because of sharing of cake and biscuits with friends. And especially not giving your haters anything.

6) Looking forward to Sundays.

As a child, Sunday = Jollof rice and enjoyment.

As an adult, Sunday = Office email and plan for the week.

7) Copious amounts of restless energy.

The older you get, the more tired you become. Because I recall a time where I could do 5 intense activities in a day and not get tired. However, these days, if I climb the stairs twice, it’s a wrap for that day.

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1. For crying.

“Why are you crying? Ehn, answer me, why are you crying? The next thing, slap. Next thing, go and bring my belt.”

2. For not crying at at all.

God help you that you don’t cry when you are flogged. You’ll hear: “Oh you have grown wings, abi? That’s why you no longer cry. You are in soup today.”

3. For speaking up.

Say you feel cheated and you dare to speak up, it almost always leads to cane. They would go: “Oh, I’m talking and you’re talking, abi? You’re dead today.”

4. For not speaking up.

Imagine that something happens to you and you are quiet. Then they ask you, but you say nothing. “Talk na. Talk.What happened?” The next you’ll hear is a slap. And then the flogging begins.

5. For correcting their mistakes.

This one is simple: “Oh, you’ve become so educated that you can now correct me like I’m a child, abi?” Next thing is cane.

6. For not correcting them.

“WHY DID YOU NOT SAY ANYTHING WHEN YOU SAW ME POURING SUGAR INSIDE THE SOUP? Go and bring cane.“

7. For doing the house chores.

This is actually crazy. You’ll clean the house and your mother or father will ask why their dirty clothes are now in the laundry basket. “Did I tell you it is dirty? Answer me now?” Next thing you know, it’s beating.

8. For not doing the house chores.

Every Nigerian child must have experienced this at one point or the other.

The question is: dear Nigerian parents, what exactly do you want from us, please?

I’m digressing.

Here are 6 ways to ensure you get a good night’s sleep.

1) Take a cold shower right before bed.

Nobody said you can’t have fun with it. It’s your shower. Sing as loud as you want. Who gon check you? No one, that’s who.

2) Sleep with a fan or air conditioner on.

Crack open a window, even.

3) Apply mentholated dusting powder all over your torso.

The menthol will cool you down while blocking your pores and restricting sweat. It’s amazing.

4) Warn your sleep paralysis demon to leave you the fuck alone.

Don’t feel bad. It needs to understand the concept of boundaries and personal space.

5) Warn your great aunt from the village that’s disguised an owl outside your window to stop hooting and screeching all night or risk dying as Goliath did.

Threatening violence (especially with family) is never the way but her constant hollering has left you no other .

6) Consume copious amounts of alcohol to ensure you pass out once your head hits the pillow.

Or your floor. That works too.

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1) When they are picking head boy in secondary school.

Control them with height.

2) When Sanwo-Olu is pointing at someone for blessings.

You. Yes! you.

3) If your team has a corner kick and they need a last-minute goal.

It is I.

4) After a flood in Lagos and you need to get to work.

Rise, don’t waste my money.

5) Group photos.

No need to struggle to show in pictures.

6) When someone tries to steal your cloth.

Ntoi. It’s not even your size.

7) In a fight and someone tries to slap you.

Good luck trying to reach my face.

8) Changing a light bulb at home.

Soft work.

9) Faking experience on your C.V.

Well, everyone equates height with age so you can pull it off.