Dubem and Felix have been friends for over 20 years, even though they didn’t speak to each other for almost a decade. In this episode of #91大神MyBro, they talk about starting a rap group as teenagers, falling for the same girl in university and the tragic loss that reunited them again in 2020.

Let’s start from the very beginning. How did you guys meet? 

Dubem: We attended the same secondary school back in 1997. Felix was my older brother’s school son. It was a boarding school, my first time away from home, and my brother introduced us because he wanted someone to look out for me. 

Felix: You were supposed to be my school son even though I was in JSS 2. But I knew you’d give me plenty wahala from the moment we met.聽

What were your first impressions of each other? 

Dubem: Felix was a busybody. I come from a strict home, so being in boarding school was my first taste of freedom. I was among the most popular boys in JSS 1, skipping class and attending every social night. However, Felix was always there to tattletale on visiting days. He’d come over to my family and play the tape of all I’d been doing. I couldn’t stand him. 

Felix: I thought he was a spoiled brat. I come from a family where we didn’t have much, so I understood responsibility early on. He was wasting his time gallivanting around instead of focusing on school. In hindsight, that freedom to be himself away from home must’ve been an enormous relief. I admit that I took my school father thing a little too seriously.

It wasn’t until I got into SS 1 that we finally connected and became friends.聽

How did you guys connect? 

Felix: Rap music.聽

Come again? 

Felix: Yes, rap music o. This was the 1990s, and rap music was the biggest thing. Everyone thought they could be MCs, and I used to write bars and freestyle in private. 

Dubem: I didn’t think he was cool until I heard him rapping DMX’s Get at Me Dog one day. I’ll never forget because DMX had just dropped Its Dark and Hell is Hot, and I was still learning his flow. This guy already knew everything word for word. I told him I was a DMX fan, and we started talking about rap. 

Felix: I was shocked. I thought he’d be into the white pop music stuff, but this boy knew his shit when it came to rap, talking about Big Pun, Busta, Ice Cube and Dr Dre. We got so deep into the conversation that I did something I’d never done with anyone before, I shared some of my rap songs with him. 

Dubem: I was blown away by how personal and tight they were. I gave him some of my mediocre bars, and we decided to start a rap group that day. We called ourselves Redemption Crew.聽

Like Rihanna fans say every day, “Where is the album?”

Felix: We didn’t put one out. Now that I think about it, our name sounds like that of a hip Pentecostal church choir. But it was hot back then, sha. We really thought we’d become big-time rappers. 

Dubem: It’s not too late. We can resign and chase our dreams. Abi, what do you think? 

Felix: That’s a hard pass for me, please. LOL.聽

So what happened to the Redemption Crew? 

Dubem: We both went to UNILAG, fell in love with the same girl and everything scattered.聽

Back up. It’s a lie.

Felix: Unfortunately for all our potential fans, he’s telling the truth. We had a few popular songs in secondary school because we kept performing at social nights and parties. I eventually left for UNILAG in 2002, and Dubem came in a year later. University was different. The stakes were higher, and school was intense. Despite this, we still worked on the low and had plans to chase the rap thing once we were done. 

Dubem: That was until I met Ebele. My first girlfriend in university and the first girl I ever loved. She was in her first year, just like me, and we had an elective course together. It was love at first sight for me, but it took a lot of convincing to get her to go out with me. We started dating, and my life was perfect. 

Felix: I met Ebele through Dubem and didn’t think too much of her. They shared an elective, but she was in my department, so I saw her more often. We only started talking because of Dubem, and it was surface-level. However, when they started having problems, she came to me, and the conversations changed. 

Dubem: Our problems started about a year into our relationship. I got involved with some weird guys and started struggling with school work. Instead of finding a solution, I took it out on her by being distant. I’d stay with these guys and disappear for weeks. It was my fault. I was also distant from Felix. I pushed you guys towards each other. 

Felix: My friendship with Ebele started from our mutual complaints about Dubem. It helped that we both had someone to share the stress this man was putting us through. He eventually got his shit together, but it was too late because she was over it. I’m his friend, so I was still there.聽

Felix, how did your relationship with Ebele become romantic? 

Felix: It started in 2005 when I was in my final year, and almost two years after they were together. Ebele and I had gotten closer, but I didn’t even know how much I liked her until she kissed me while I was tutoring her. We both felt guilty about that kiss, but our feelings had become undeniable. I couldn’t lie to myself or my friend. Dubem had to know. 

Dubem: I knew about their friendship and thought it was cool, but kissing?  I lost my shit when he told me. He didn’t date anyone all the time he was in school, and now that he finally decided to see someone, he chose my ex? I was livid. I started replaying scenarios in my head. Had he been  playing me from the start? Did he always want my babe? 

Felix: I explained how our feelings grew as best as I could, and just sat there and let him have a go at me. I deserved it. What I’d done was horrible, but I was tired of running away from how I felt.聽

How did you guys figure it out? 

Dubem: I stopped talking to both of them. I couldn’t handle it, and I didn’t owe it to them to pretend that I was okay with it. I’d lost my best friend and a girl that was special to me, all at the same time. It was hard. And then I heard Felix moved abroad, which sealed it for me. We were done. RIP Redemption Crew. 

Felix: Lagos, scratch that; Nigeria, wasn’t big enough for us after what I did. I felt so embarrassed. I’d become that guy who breaks bro code and gets with his friend’s ex. I had to move far away from those who knew us, so I pursued my master’s in America. Ebele came to join me, and we got married in 2008. 

Dubem: I heard about their wedding from his cousin, which reopened the wound. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to be in the same room with him again. We didn’t see or talk again for 13 years until I got a call from Ebele after the lockdown in 2020.聽

What was the call about? 

Dubem: She called to tell me that they’d lost their son in the height of the pandemic, my friend was a wreck, and they were moving back to Nigeria. I was shocked when I realised who I was speaking to. The Ebele I knew was soft-spoken, but this Ebele was direct and uncompromising. She didn’t beg me to show up for my friend; she told me to. 

Felix: That’s Ebele for you. She’s always in control. But yes, that loss took me to a dark place. I had built a life in Texas, but I knew it was time to come back to the life I knew here. Losing my son in a place where my support system was shallow changed my perspective on coming home. I knew it was time, but I immediately started feeling anxious about Dubem, and I think my wife sensed that. 

She eventually told me she’d spoken to him and set up a meeting for when we returned to Lagos.聽

How did this meeting go?

Dubem: I’m not ashamed to say there was a lot of  crying. I’m a dad too, so I could connect to what they were both going through. These two people still matter to me regardless of what happened in university. Seeing Felix like that, I wanted to be there for him. 

Felix: I was sweating a lot the day he came over to our place. Seeing him again brought back all the memories of writing lyrics in our notebooks and planning our lives together. It felt like I was in boarding school again. I didn’t know how much I’d missed him until I saw him. 

Regardless of how I felt, I knew it was important to talk about what happened if we were going to move on from it. 

Dubem: I think he wanted to be sure I wouldn’t randomly stab him one day . LOL. The talk was necessary sha. He apologised again and spoke for hours. But honestly, I’d moved on. I loved Ebele, but we were never meant to be, and that’s fine. I’m married to the love of my life. I’ve never been happier.聽

So how’s your relationship now? 

Felix: We’re in a great place. We were intentional about not rushing into anything or overwhelming each other. We had the occasional family Sunday dinners and slowly graduated to hanging out alone and doing things together. I was scared we wouldn’t have anything to say to each other when we were alone, but we still had much in common. And most importantly, we still love each other. 

Dubem: We always have something to talk about, Felix. We’re still the same guys who loved DMX in school, it’s just that you have some grey hairs, which makes you old, and you also think Pusha T is a better rapper than Kendrick Lamar. 

Felix: But he is. 

Dubem: I think that’s what our kids call a red flag.聽

With so much history between you two, would you change anything about your friendship? 

Dubem: The time we spent apart. I wish we’d spent it getting to know each other better as we got older. We were apart for most of our 30s, and that’s time we’ll never get back again. 

Felix: True. I would’ve loved to meet Dubem, the first-time dad. 

Dubem: No, please. That was a crazy time. That girl wouldn’t stop crying and shouting everywhere we went. I always looked like a madman. 

Here鈥檚 a

What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person?

Dubem: I know a part of you still carries some guilt because of what happened in school, but I want you to know that I forgive you. I meant it when I said it in 2020, and I mean it now. I’m so happy to have you back in my life. I can see us in our 80s arguing about rap music over glasses of scotch. You’re my man, and I’ll always have your back. 

Felix: Thank you, Dubby. You’ve made moving back home such a seamless process; there’s no way it would’ve worked without you. I love you, and I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. Your authenticity has been consistent since the day we met, and it’s one of the few things I can always count on, no matter what. 

No, I’m not crying.聽

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Michael and Faith’s friendship started with a not-so-random DM on Facebook in 2016. With over five years in this friendship thing, they talk to #91大神MyBro about surviving health challenges together, maintaining transparency when helping each other financially, and how they deal with Michael’s tendency to disappear without telling his friend.聽

Let’s start from the very beginning. How did you guys meet? 

Michael: I met Faith on Facebook in 2016 when the app was still popping. We both wrote poems and were part of the same writing community. Our interactions were limited to the comment section until Faith DM’ed me one day.聽

Faith: Ah, I remember. I’d been reading your work and sent a DM saying, “Baba, you dey write gan.” 

Michael: I’m reading that message now and cringing because I replied, “Good evening, sir.” You asked me how to publish your poem somewhere, and I kept adding “sir” to all my messages. I don’t even know why I was being so extra. 

What was your first impression of the other person? 

Faith: I thought he was very intelligent. I’d read this thought-provoking essay he wrote about LAUTECH being on strike and how no one was doing anything about it. He had his way with words that allowed him to express even the most complex thoughts with a sense of clarity. I also liked that one minute, he could be writing something like that, and the next, he’s writing something about all power belongs to your bumbum with the same passion. 

Michael: What do you mean by that? I thought you were noisy. You were everywhere, and your comments were on everybody’s posts. Let’s not even get into your Facebook name; “Emmanuel GodHonoursMe Faith”. Bro, are you the only one God is honouring? LOL. 

Another thing that stuck out to me was the way you used words. You used to blow big grammar like Wole Soyinka in the most random conversations. I thought that was really cool. 

When did your relationship move from admiring each other’s writing to an actual friendship? 

Michael: We met for the first time and started getting close when I got admission to his university. Faith was in his second year, and I was in my first. We attended the same campus fellowship, and over time I started hanging out in his room since I had 20 roommates. Plus, he used to cook a lot. We became close during the period I was eating free food and hanging out in his room. 

So basically, you were like an Abuja man hanging out for food and shelter? 

Michael: You know what? That’s understandable. I started hanging out with him for basic human needs. LOL 

Faith: No, let me defend you small. I made food for almost everyone because I was a fellowship big bro. Remember you used to call me “Sir”? 

My turning point in our relationship was when I fell sick that day in school. I never fall sick, but my village people caught me this time, and I broke down. Michael was the first person on my mind to call. He came over, took me to the health centre and stayed with me through everything. He also checked up on me and cooked during that whole period. He took care of me. That ordeal unlocked something for me, and I knew this guy had become my friend. 

Michael: So I’ve saved you from untimely death? I’ve tried for you, sha. 

Michael, outside of food, can you remember when Faith really came through for you? 

Michael: When I first moved to Lagos after university, me and being broke were like five and six. Faith was more shocked when I didn’t come to borrow money than when I showed up to beg. But the money wasn’t really the moment for me. My favourite come-through moment was when I fell sick. 

You too? 

Michael: Yes, o! In 2021 I was really sick and needed to undergo a severe procedure. It was a terrifying moment in my life when I was like, “Maybe I’ll see God in a few seconds”, and Faith was right there by my side. I fall sick often, so I’m used to hospitals. On the other hand, Faith rarely falls sick, so hospitals make him very uncomfortable. He didn’t want to be in a hospital but was there for me. I was sick, but I was pitying him. Lol

Faith: I followed you to the hospital because I know you, and you have a habit of just putting your phone on do not disturb while everyone else is worried about you. I’m always concerned about you, so I felt it’d be better to go with you and be updated in real-time. Nothing prepared me for all the medical equipment and terms I heard during that period sha. Plus, I was the only one your mum could reach. It was worth it when you got better. 

Regarding coming through for me, I’m grateful to Michael for always telling me the truth. I’ve gotten to a point where I feel like I’m doing well and I’m one of the baddest when it comes to what I do, so it’s important to have someone who can pull me aside and keep me in check. Michael will explain a situation to me, and I’ll realise I was the one that messed up. He’ll still call me out today even if I sent him money yesterday.

I also feel comfortable talking to Michael about everything. Most people don’t have that in their friendship. 

Money has come up a couple of times now, and how as to how it might affect your friendship? 

Michael: First of all, Faith has a lot more money than me, so money can’t even be a problem for us. LOL. But seriously, it all boils down to transparency and being honest with one another. Faith knows how much I make, and I know how much he makes. I can’t ask him for anything that’ll inconvenience him, and he also knows when I’ll be able to pay back based on how much I make. We’ve refused to allow money to become a big deal in our friendship. 

Faith: The transparency part is important. If Michael asks me for money twice a month, I’ll know there’s a serious problem and follow up before he tells me, “Oh, he had to send money home” or something like that. But another thing is knowing our financial capacities because we only make big financial decisions with the other person knowing. Michael keeps me in check when it comes to spending. This guy once spent N5k from Monday to Friday. I don’t know how he did it. 

Michael: I’m not even trying to be frugal. I don’t know what I’m spending money on if I have food and water at home. You’re always going out, while I’m usually in my house, so it makes sense that you spend more money than me. 

Outside of knowing each other’s finances down to the last penny, what’s another unconventional part of your friendship? 

Faith: We’re very open about how much we love each other and unafraid to say it anywhere from the middle of Ikeja City Mall (ICM) to bus parks and emails. 

Michael: Not you listing some of the places I’ve told you “I love you.” 

Faith: The one at ICM is funny because you said it loudly in a restaurant after I bought you rice. Everyone was staring at us. It was embarrassing but beautiful.聽

Another unconventional thing about our friendship is that we write to each other a lot. Not texting, but writing via email to catch up and share how much we mean to each other. This guy can ghost everyone for a long time, but every time I write, he responds. 

Ghosting in friendship again? Michael, please explain

Michael: I’ve ruined a lot of potential friendships because I suck at responding to messages and social media. Instant messaging doesn’t make sense because I can’t keep up with talking to multiple people at once about different things. Many people don’t get it and assume I just don’t rate them. That whole thing on Twitter about “People make time for people they care about”. It’s not about time; messaging is just not my thing. 

What I love about my relationship with Faith is that he gets it. We don’t always text, but we talk via long emails. I can send a mail on Monday and not get a response until the following Monday, but that’s totally fine. I know he’s still there for me. Constantly talking doesn’t validate our friendship. 

Faith, how did you get comfortable with this communication style since it’s not the most conventional in friendships? 

Faith: It was a bit challenging initially, but I had to learn that not everyone will be like me. Not everyone has the energy to fill up a room or talk on the phone for 30 minutes straight. It doesn’t make them any less amazing. 

I know Michael trusts and feels safe with me, so he’ll come around on his own terms. Just because he’s nowhere to be found doesn’t mean he’s not thinking of me. He’s disappeared so many times only to send a bottle of wine or the hardcover of a book he thinks I’d like. People are different. 

Michael: I’m a great friend if you manage your communication expectations. Faith gets it, and that’s why we work well.

Faith: We’re on the same wavelength. He can disappear today, but when he returns, he can take up  six hours of my time. 

Six hours, doing what? 

Faith: We’ve watched a TV show virtually before, episode by episode. We also read together virtually at the same time. I’ll ask what page he’s on, and we’ll read together. If we poured this energy into dating, we wouldn’t be single. LOL.聽

Would you consider changing something about your friendship or the other person? 

Michael: I wish we saw each other more, but that’s on me. Faith is always available while I’m usually in my house, hiding or working. Then, for Faith, I’d like you to please calm down more often because it’s not everything or everyone that deserves the amount of emotional strength you put into them. Don’t you like peace, joy and happiness? These are things you could imbibe. Your gragra is too much. 

Faith: I totally agree with the second one. My emotions are always all over the place. For our friendship, I’d like us to have more money so Michael can spoil me with trips to Abuja鈥� 

Michael: Abuja? That’s your holiday destination? I need to unfriend you after this. 

Faith: Oya, let’s do Venice or Bali. Regarding what I’d like to change about you, I’ll say it’s the ghosting thing, but not for me, for our other friends. I’m already used to you disappearing, but most of our mutual friends don’t get it, so they become worried, and I have to reassure them that you’re good. Drop a message for them that says, “Hi guys. I’ll be disappearing for three days. Cheers.” 

Michael: I don’t plan it. But I’m trying to be better. 

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What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person? 

Michael: I want us to write more. Our emails are some of my most treasured possessions in the world. I love how we write each other those long emails, and I want more of that. 

Faith: I’m so proud of how you’ve hacked capitalism. You used to hate it, but now you’re killing it. I love seeing that growth. I’m so so proud of you. 

Michael: That’s so sweet. Look at you being a sweet person. 

Josh and Kelechi became friends after they both participated in a threesome. Now five years into their friendship, the two talk about the interesting sexual encounter that brought them together, bonding over therapy and why boundaries are important even in an unconventional friendship like theirs. 

Let’s take a trip down memory lane. How did you guys meet? 

Kelechi: I met Josh in 2018. I was in my second year of university while he was in his third and dating a girl in my class. I didn’t really know him, but their relationship was popular because both of them were the king and queen of PDA on campus. You wouldn’t see one without the other; they were always holding hands or kissing. 

Josh: What can I say? We were in love. I’d seen you around too, but I only started paying attention when my girlfriend started talking about this cute guy in class she wanted us to hook up with. She had a crush on you, but I needed to know more if we were both going to pursue something with you. 

Pursue something? 

Kelechi: Josh and his girlfriend are in an open relationship, although they’re only allowed to be with the same person. Guy, please explain it yourself. 

Josh: LOL. You’ve dropped the basic synopsis of our situation. The full gist is that my girl and I are open, but we only hook up with thirds. We’re not allowed to see other people separately. If I like someone, then two of us must like the person and vice-versa. It’s also purely sexual, no feelings attached.  

My girl liked Kelechi back then, so I had to scope the guy on my own too. You’re a fine guy, so it didn’t take too much convincing. Getting you on board was surprisingly easy too. But I can still remember the shock on your face when we told you we wanted to sleep with you. 

Kelechi: Bruh. Let me not lie and say I was a saint or anything. But I’d never been in a threesome, much more being approached by a couple to have one. I liked your girlfriend too, but I didn’t overthink it since she wasn’t available. She asked me to hang out after class, and that’s when you made the proposition. I thought it was a prank. 

Josh: Prank as per you’re on Punk’d? You really think you’re a celebrity for real. 

Kelechi: My friend, shut up. I had to pick my jaw up from the floor that day. My brain told me to say “No”, but I watched myself say, “Yes”. 

Josh: Omo, I was shocked, too o. That was the fastest “Yes” we’d ever gotten. Most people would ask to think about it and either come back for some *cough cough* or start avoiding us. But you said “Yes” on the first ask. Why? 

Kelechi: I don’t know. But there was something about the both of you 鈥� being the hottest couple in school and all, wanting me that immediately turned me on. I also felt really special, like I was chosen. 

Josh: DFKM

How did this friendship form from your threesome? 

Josh: Like Omawunmi once sang, 鈥淚f you ask me, na who I go ask?鈥� 

Kelechi: Behave, jare. I was too irresistible for just a one-night stand. You needed me to be a part of your life. 

Josh: Honestly, yes. The sex was great, and all three of us enjoyed it, but the conversation after really struck me, and I was like, “This boy is cool AF”. 

What did you guys talk about? 

Kelechi: Therapy. 

Josh: That’s not a topic anyone would expect to hear, especially when the people involved just had a spicy threesome. But I’d just started therapy, and when Kelechi joked about telling his therapist about us, I just started pouring my whole life’s story to him.

This was the first time I was meeting another guy who was in therapy. I鈥檓 sure there are other guys, but I鈥檇 never seen someone who was that open to talking about it. It started from jokes about how therapy is expensive AF and making us poor, and then we just segued into how helpful it鈥檚 been for us. 

Kelechi: Do you get? I’d be more of a mess if it wasn’t for therapy. I have a serious anxiety issue and most Nigerians don’t even take it seriously. People think I’m lazy or avoidant. Therapy helped me figure out the problem and learn how to confront it.

Talking to another guy who knew something was wrong and was taking the necessary steps to fix it reaffirmed my decision. 

Josh: Me too. My girl and I usually keep a distance from our thirds unless we’re planning a hook-up, but I started hanging out with you more, and it was just what I needed. She supported me but didn’t get the therapy thing. And that’s fine. I also needed to be around someone who could relate on a personal level. 

Was your girlfriend okay with that? 

Josh: Not at first, but I think she also understood that the sex thing with Kelechi was more her than me. My girl is my best friend, so I didn’t have a lot of friends in school I could talk to. I made her understand that I needed Kelechi on a friendship level and it didn’t have anything to do with her not being enough. 

Kelechi: This guy and sweet mouth. “Anything to do with her not being enough”? Bars, my guy. 

Josh: I dey try. But it really wasn’t. My entire existence was wrapped around one relationship in my life, and it wasn’t fair on her. It’s also part of why I started seeing a therapist. I needed people to talk to. 

It’s been five years, and I’m curious how your friendship has evolved. 

Josh: I realised a couple of months into our friendship that I was doing to Kelechi what I did to my girlfriend, making them the centre of my world. Like, I was talking to just two of them, and I know it’s good to keep my circle small, but it doesn’t mean I should suffocate the people in it. Kelechi was also too polite to ask for space. Now we have these difficult conversations and draw boundaries where necessary.

Kelechi: I’m a people pleaser, and I wanted to be a good friend, so it was hard for me to say, “Oh, I feel you dude. But I can’t process your stuff now because my life’s a mess.” 

We enjoy talking to each other, and it鈥檚 helped to have someone to listen to and bounce ideas off of, but that boundary thing was necessary. Then again, how do you set boundaries in such a complicated friendship? 

Josh: Talking about it. Shoutout to my therapist because she was the one who pointed out how in trying to be each other’s person, there was a high chance we might lose ourselves. I brought it up with Kelechi, and we had that conversation. We have an “I’m at my mental capacity” safeword. I know he wants to be there for me, and me, him, but we also had to learn how to be there for ourselves once in a while. 

You guys seem so zen. Do you even fight? 

Kelechi: It’s hard to fight with someone who doesn’t like confrontation. Whenever we almost have an issue, Josh will apologise whether he was right or wrong. I admire it, but it can be annoying. 

Josh: Wow. But it’s because I love you, bro. I genuinely don’t like people being upset at me. Plus, we’ve never had an issue worth fighting over. Our only problems are you always being late and me taking five years to text back sometimes. 

Kelechi: Fair enough. 

Is there anything you’d change about your friendship? 

Josh: I wish we met earlier. I don’t regret how we met, and I wouldn’t change it, but I wish we got into each other’s lives earlier. You’ve made me more open to receiving non-romantic love. I can’t help but wonder sometimes how many friends and relationships I missed early on in life because I was closed off. 

Kelechi: I wouldn’t change a thing. Not even timing. We met when we needed to meet, and it worked out well. I’d change your detty love for amala though. That right there is a character flaw. LOL. 

Do you have an interesting bro story you鈥檇 like to share? Fill this聽聽and we鈥檒l get back to you.

What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person? 

Kelechi: I’m open with how I feel about you and your importance to me. I love you, and If I had to choose a best friend in another life, even if I were a dog, I’d choose you. 

Josh: A dog? Be calming down. But I love you too, and I’m grateful you’re in my corner. I don’t know how I’d do this life thing without you. You and my babe are the only ones I’d actually get in a fight for. Everyone else O.Y.O is their case.聽

Tobi and Sadiq first met in 2001 but only became friends after an event changed their lives in 2020. In this episode of #91大神MyBro, the two talk about how they navigate their complicated 14-year age difference and the feeling of abandonment that comes with saying goodbye when someone you love japas.聽

Let’s take a trip down memory lane with your origin story

Tobi: I can confidently say I’ve known this one since he was a baby because I met him when he was four. This was 2001, and I was roommates in university with Umar, his brother, so I’d come over to their place when I met “Junior”. 

Sadiq: Bro, why would you tell everyone that? No one calls me Junior again. 

Tobi: Does your dad know this? Because鈥�

Anyway, I don’t think he even remembers that day. Do you? 

Sadiq: I was four, of course I don’t remember. But I remember you always came around our house when I was growing up. Because of the age gap between my brother and me, you naturally looked more like his brother than I did then.聽

What were your first impressions of each other? 

Tobi: I thought he was clingy. It makes sense to now because I understand he was a child and only had his brother and parents. But I was an only child forced to be independent super early, so I didn’t get why he wanted to follow Umar and me everywhere. He was like this pest we couldn’t get rid of. 

Sadiq: I just thought you guys were so cool. My parents will deny it, but I was a mistake; they only wanted one child. They had me when my brother was almost done with secondary school, so everyone around me was older. I also didn’t like kids my age because they were boring. I wanted to be a grown-up, so I attached myself to you and my brother. 

Tobi: My own that time was this small boy was cock-blocking us. We’d want to go out, and his mum would say, “Can you guys take Sadiq too? He wants to go.” I couldn’t stand him.聽

So what changed? 

Tobi: Time. The older he got, the less annoying his presence was. By the time he was a teenager, I had started to think, “Okay, maybe this kid is cool.” 

Sadiq: You think I’m cool? Thank God we’re recording this because I’ll save this quote and use it whenever you try to yab me, especially my fashion choices. 

Tobi: Enjoy the compliment while it lasts. You’ll only get it once every five years moving forward.聽

When did you guys become close? 

Sadiq: We’ve always been close, but we got even closer after my brother moved abroad with his family in 2020. 

Tobi: 2020 was a challenging year for everyone. But for me, it was Covid, switching careers after years of being miserable, #EndSARS and then my best friend packed his bags and japa’ed. It was the worst year of my life.聽

Damn

Tobi: As an only child, I was used to doing things on my own until I met Umar. We were roommates, and even though he forced a friendship on me, he quickly became the brother I never had. We’d study and party together, and even when we left school, we ensured we lived close together. 

Nothing prepares you for what it’s like to say goodbye to someone who was a big part of your life. Umar mentioned wanting to leave Nigeria, but the protests were the tipping point. It’s ironic because it further strengthened my resolve to stay in Nigeria. I miss him, but then I had to quickly use Sadiq as a replacement. LOL聽

Sadiq: I was about to say this gist is about our friendship, not you and my brother. Na wa o. But yes, Umar leaving was a lot for everyone. But imagine someone successfully getting everything they need to go, and you’re like, “Oh, I feel sad or angry that you’re leaving”? I couldn’t really express the sense of abandonment I felt at the time with anyone until we hung out the weekend after he left. 

Tobi: That was the night we connected on a deeper level. Or maybe it was just the edibles. Either way, a connection sha happened.

What did you guys talk about? 

Tobi: Maybe it was because of alcohol and edibles, but after some small talk, I found myself opening up about how angry I was about Umar leaving. Just like Sadiq, I felt abandoned, but I also felt guilty for even feeling that way. Like, what right did I have? 

Sadiq: Exactly. I felt guilty AF. Talking to you about it and knowing you felt the same way made it okay for me to acknowledge my feelings and eventually move from them. 

I wasn’t sure how I’d function as a whole with my brother so far away, but I felt a lot better after our conversation. It was like I’d just gotten a new big bro that I could disturb and embarrass regularly.

Tobi: If only you knew I’d be the one embarrassing you. LOL. 

That conversation changed the way I looked at him. I’d always seen Sadiq as my best friend’s baby bro, but I saw him as a man in that moment. It wasn’t just an older and younger dynamic anymore. I felt we could be genuine friends.聽

Aww. How did you guys navigate this new friendship? 

Tobi: It was weird at first, especially for me. I felt like I was cheating on Umar when we hung out without him. Plus, people, especially my partner found it odd that I always hung out with someone old young to be my son. She was a major opposition to our friendship, but it’s been two years now and she’s gotten used to him. 聽

We have other friends, so it’s not like we desperately sought a connection. But I also wanted to put in the effort to have a relationship with him, separate from his brother. It helps that we both have a lot in common. No one loves to turn up more than both of us. 

Sadiq: Please, don’t lie. We’re not the same. How is this man 40, and I, the guy in his 20s, that has to remind him that we have a home every time we go out? I love a good night out, but Tobi loves a good night into day outing. LOL 

Tobi: What can I say? I love a good time. But outside of going out, we spend a lot of time talking too. From relationships to work, we always try to talk things out. I mean, I’m the reason his relationship has lasted this long. My golden advice has always been, “Don’t argue; just listen to her.” I better get a shoutout at your wedding. 

Sadiq: Please, when did I mention marriage? Don’t set me up abeg. 

Becoming friends with him has made it easier for me to be honest in our conversations. That whole big brother thing created boundaries. Like he said, I’m not the best at relationships, but Tobi has been in one since World War I, so he has a lot of experience and is never afraid to call me out on my bullshit. He looks out for me like an older brother, but he鈥檚 also non-judgemental like a friend. That’s the sweet spot. 

Tobi: World War I, abi? Well done. 

Sadiq is very stubborn, and I’m just like that too. But having him in my life has taught me to be patient. Both of us can’t be the assholes here, so we take turns. He also calls me out on some of my BS, like my drinking, which I’ve cut down on since we started hanging out. I’m learning from him that it’s possible to have fun and still remember the fun I had by the time I woke up the next day.聽

How does Umar feel about this friendship? 

Tobi: He finds it funny since I was very anti-Sadiq when he was younger. But he’s glad we have each other. He’s always complaining about FOMO on our group chat.聽

What holds your friendship together? 

Sadiq: Mutual respect. Tobi doesn’t treat me like a child, and that’s important to me. I’ve always felt like the “baby” for the longest time, so it’s great to have someone older who doesn’t reduce my opinions or experience to age. 

Tobi: Eyah, Junior. My boy. For me, it’s honesty. I like that he doesn’t judge me or see me as someone who should know everything. There’s this perception that once you’re in your 30s, you need to have life figured out. But I’m 40 now, and I’m still figuring shit out. I like that our friendship gives me space to do that. He doesn’t look at me like an agbaya.聽

What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person? 

Sadiq: I was always jealous of your friendship with Umar because I thought you guys were cool. Now that I’m older and have my own relationship with you, I understand that I admired the loyalty you guys had. Thank you for sharing that loyalty with me. Thank you for stepping up when I needed someone in my life. I know you don’t like sappy stuff, but I love you plenty.聽
Tobi: Did you just turn me into that “I’m not a stepfather; I’m the father that stepped up” meme? Jesus. You already know I love you. One thing I don’t say a lot is how proud I am of you. I was doing a lot more when I was your age, yes. But you’re doing well right now, and watching you kill it in your career, relationship, and life gives me so much joy.

Do you have an interesting bro story you鈥檇 like to share? Fill this聽聽and we鈥檒l get back to you.

They met eight years ago, when Emmanuel started cutting Tejiro鈥檚 hair. In this episode of #91大神MyBro, these two besties talk about the relationship secret that started their friendship, navigating a significant difference in wealth and influencing each other to be better.聽

Our origin story 

Tejiro: We met in 2015, when I’d just moved back to Port Harcourt after my masters in the UK. I was looking for a barber that’d treasure my hairline, so my girlfriend at the time brought me to your salon. But I wasn’t the only guy she was bringing there sha. 

Emmanuel:  This guy. Are we starting our story like this? 

Tejiro: Is it your heart they broke? Anyway, I sat in the salon for a while, watching you and the other barbers cut people’s hair. By the time you guys were done, I decided you were the least likely to fuck up my hair. 

Emmanuel: I didn’t notice you until you asked if you could sit in my chair.聽

First Impressions

Tejiro: I remember you smelt really nice, not like aftershave or powder, but like this quality big boy scent. I really liked it. You were also acting all serious, like the hair you were cutting was further maths. 

Emmanuel: Why do you think I’m the best at what I do? Cutting hair is like painting for me. 

Tejiro: Come on, Picasso. Abi, are you Leonardo Da Vinci? Guy, abeg. 

Emmanuel: I noticed you were restless that day. And I wished I had a biscuit to give you so you could calm down.聽

Planting the seed of our friendship 

Tejiro: I was one of your regulars for almost a year before we had any serious conversation. I’d text you to see if you were in the salon. I’d come in, cut my hair and bounce. Nothing serious. At least, not until you told me my girlfriend was cheating on me. 

Emmanuel: I knew your girlfriend before I knew you, and even before she brought you, she’d been bringing other guys to the salon. I didn’t think anything of it because I never got to know any of them. I also didn’t know the arrangement you guys had. But the gist about her, you and the other guys became a joke among the barbers, and even though it was a risk, I felt like I needed to ask you. I just had to be strategic about it. 

The week before I told you, I made small talk with you about work and life before I was like, “Where is madam? Shey, we’re coming for wedding soon?” or something like that, and that’s when you just went into the whole gist about how she’s so special to you, blah blah blah. 

It was like I’d given you the space to gush about your woman, and you didn’t want to stop. 

Tejiro: I was down bad for love, bro. 

Emmanuel: That’s when I decided to tell you what was happening. I could tell you really liked her, and it was unfair that you’d become a joke among my co-workers. What’s the worst that could happen? You’d say you knew and stop cutting your hair with me? No wahala. 

So the next time you came, I asked to see you when you were leaving and told you everything I knew. 

Tejiro: I didn’t want to believe it initially, but I had my suspicions. The weirdest thing is it wasn’t the cheating part for me. It was everybody knowing. It made me feel like a fool. 

I considered changing salons after we broke up. I was too ashamed to come back. But I wasn’t going to allow a woman fuck up my life and then my hairline. You were my barber, and I’d rather cheat on a girl than a barber that understands my hair. 

Emmanuel: LOL. I hope all the girls you meet next read this and understand that you’re trash.聽

Navigating our different backgrounds 

Tejiro: One of the most significant issues for us when we got to know each other was our different upbringings. 

Emmanuel: That part. You were this ajebo who was used to getting what he wanted, and I’d hustled my way on the streets of PH to get to where I was at the time. We saw life differently. You were always inviting me to the club and places I’d spend money unnecessarily, and I was like, “This one no know say I no get mama and papa with millions for their account.” 

Tejiro: So, the break up pushed me to a crazy lifestyle. I also felt this need to prove to you (as the person who broke the news to me) that I was handling it well. But I wasn’t. I was a mess. 

Emmanuel: I’d been there before, so I had a feeling you were avoiding your feelings. But outside of that, your clique treated me like shit, and I didn’t find it funny.

Tejiro: Some of my friends at the time were assholes. They wondered how I was friends with the guy who cut my hair. To them, it was like being friends with your driver. I won’t lie; I started to look at it weirdly at some point too. But it came up in a conversation between my mum and me once, and she shut it down. 

Emmanuel: I trust Mrs N. No time for rubbish. We became closer after you stopped hanging out with most of those guys and took time to get over your breakup. 

You were trying to pretend like money wasn’t a factor in our friendship, but it is, and that’s normal. I can’t travel for summer like you, and I’ve accepted that there are things we can’t experience or do together (for now) because of money. 

Tejiro: I’d never had a friend outside of my social class, so it was somehow. Plus, I don’t like addressing issues. I tried to pay for stuff most of the time, but your shoulder pad is too high. I respect that, though. 

Emmanuel: Guy, abeg, you can’t pay for everything we do or get. You can pay for shawarma and bottles once in a while, but it’s okay to do something alone or with other people, if I can’t afford it. Shebi, we’re doing Ghana this December? That one I can do.聽

Pushing each other to be better 

Tejiro: Where do I even start when it comes to how you’ve come through for me? 

Emmanuel: I know mine. You pushed me to open my own salon. I always wanted to do it, but I second-guessed myself a lot and feared failure. 

Tejiro: Look at you today with three branches. You should name one after me, out of gratitude and all. It’s just a suggestion. 

Emmanuel: Get out! But seriously, these salons happened because of our different backgrounds. 

Tejiro: I don’t get. 

Emmanuel: Because I don’t come from a lot, I tend to limit myself, so I don’t lose the little I have. I make plans and dream, but something in my head always tells me to be “realistic”. But you? Bro, the way you make plans? You have the luxury to dream big because you have something to fall back on. Even though I don’t have that luxury, I needed some of that blind faith from you. 

I don’t think I’d be this successful if you didn’t push me to jump. 

Tejiro: You keep me grounded and make sure I’m not overdoing things, so I guess we’re in a “Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch your back situation.”聽聽

What I wish I could change about you

Emmanuel: Please, stop being restless, or channel it into something that challenges you. You could do a lot of cool stuff, but it’s hard to focus because you’re trying to do too many at once. 

Tejiro: It’s hard, but I’m working on it. 

I want you to rate yourself more. You’re the baddest at what you do, but you need some oud de confidence. Move with the energy of someone who’s a rockstar.聽

I want you to know

Tejiro: Outside of saving me from a shitty relationship, I want you to know you’ve changed my life in ways I could never imagine. Most of the friends I had before you were either too scared to tell me the truth when I did something wrong or just as oblivious as I was about life. You鈥檙e not like that. You鈥檒l tell me I鈥檓 messing up even when I don鈥檛 want to hear it. 

I’m grateful to know you and glad our friendship has lasted this long. I’m also happy I get free haircuts now because what’s the point of my best friend being my barber? 

Emmanuel: You’ll soon start paying again. 

I’m happy I know you. I’m happy your family has been warm and kind to me. And I’m excited to be that friend who’s rooting for you while you do cool stuff.

Do you have an interesting bro story you鈥檇 like to share? Fill this聽聽and we鈥檒l get back to you.

Joey and Akah met in 2008 when Joey was dating Akah’s sister. On this week’s #91大神MyBro, they talk about why Akah thought Joey was fake when they first met, their surprise connection and picking sides after Joey’s break-up with Akah’s sister. 

Let’s take a trip down memory lane

Joey: We met in 2008 when I was still dating your sis. She introduced you to me as her “overprotective brother”. She’d hyped you up as the guy who’d beat me if I fucked up. But then, you pulled up, and I was like, “Omo, if I racked with this guy, I’d definitely win.” 

Akah: I won’t beat you up because I still want to follow you to eat banga at your mum’s place. 

Joey: You’re a cute teddy bear who only pretends to like violence. The more I spoke to you about basketball the night we met, the more I realised you’re cool AF. We eventually turned your sister into a third wheel. 

Akah: I might’ve laughed with you that night, but it didn’t mean I liked you. I told my sister to break up with you when we got home. 

Joey: Guy, for real? 

Trust issues and initial gragra 

Akah: I don’t trust the guys my sister dates, so I didn’t trust you one bit. You moved like a player, and you were trying too hard to be liked with all your dead jokes and compliments. 

Joey: Na wa o. I was extra because I genuinely wanted you to like me. 

Akah: Exactly. And I could see the desperation. But my sister was so into you she made us hang out over and over again until I liked you. It was like when the radio rinses a song so bad you end up knowing the lyrics even though you can’t stand it. 

Joey: So you’re calling me a Drake song? Well done. I knew I wanted to be friends with you from the start. But I was also scared of how we’d navigate my relationship with your sister. 

The moment we became friends

Akah: I was also avoiding being friends with my sister’s guy. What would happen if you guys broke up? Plus, I wasn’t looking for new friends, so what was the point? 

But one day, our gist moved from basketball to our late dads, and for the first time, I felt a connection to you beyond bants. We’re both first sons who had to step up at a young age because we lost our dads. 

Joey: I don’t even know how that gist happened because I never used to talk about growing up or my dad. It’s too painful for me, even after all these years. I’d rather use jokes to cover it up. 

Akah: Are you telling me? 

Joey: Guy, abeg. Talking to you about not crying when my dad died because I wanted to hold it together for my mum opened the floodgates. I can count on one hand how many times I’d cried before that moment. It was weird that I was opening up to my babe’s brother, but I rolled with it and made you my free therapist. 

Akah: I didn’t mind. I love listening to people, and part of why I thought you were somehow before was because you only made jokes. Nothing about you sounded real. But talking about your family made you an actual human being to me. 

This was until you broke my sister’s heart in 2011, and everything became so fucking complicated. 

Joey: Oh, shit!

Picking between my sister and her ex

Akah: Imagine you breaking up with my sister just when I started to actually like you? Please, explain yourself. 

Joey: That breakup was mutual, but somehow, I got labelled as the bad guy. Someone would think I cheated or did something bad. We just ran out of fuel. 

Akah: And you couldn’t queue and refuel your relationship at NNPC? 

Joey: I knew you’d say something stupid. I remember thinking, “Bruh, Akah is going to hate me now”. It was the first consequence I actually thought of when we were breaking up. 

Akah: Then you should’ve stayed together for me. I was pissed when she told me sha. I was angry to see her in pain, but I was also mad that I would lose a friendship I hadn’t even wanted in the first place. Then I felt guilty because my sister had just ended a three-year relationship, and instead of me to ginger and go beat the guy up, I was worried about him too. 

Joey: You actually love me, man. It’s cute. 

Akah: No, I don’t. I was being a nice guy. But I also knew we couldn’t hang out or talk to each other for a while, so I avoided your calls and texts for about a month after the breakup. 

Joey: I was so angry. It felt like I was being punished, and I actually wasn’t going to talk to you again, but all that anger disappeared when you texted me asking if you could come to watch a game at my place. I had to stop coming to your place because of her. We could hang out anywhere but there.

Akah: I had to let things calm down and have my sister confirm it was okay before I contacted you. It was the right thing to do. She wasn’t completely fine with our friendship, but she knew we had our thing separate from her. 

Joey: It was tricky, but our friendship was worth it. I’d lost a relationship I’d invested in. I wasn’t about to lose a friend too. 

She’s married now, and you like her husband (not as much as me, though), so we can see it all worked out. Or would you have preferred if she married me? 

Akah: Imagine me walking her down the aisle then coming over to stand behind you as your best man? That sounds like stress, bro. 

Coming through for one another

Akah: We’ve been friends for over ten years now. I can’t begin to pinpoint a time you came through for me. 

Joey: So I’m a shitty friend? 

Akah: You come for me a lot. That sounds wrong. Oh, yes, you come through for me a lot. 

Joey: Even I was like, “I do what now?” 

I know a moment I’ll pick, and that’s in 2020, when you made me your son’s godfather. I know it’s just bants in Nigeria, but that level of trust mattered to me. I’m unmarried and don’t have kids, so it’s like you made me a dad without having to pay school fees or feed the child daily. It’s the best blessing I could ask for. 

Akah: We can change it anytime, so keep saying rubbish. 

What holds our friendship together? 

Akah: My therapist, for sure. I need somewhere to dump all your wahala when you’re done with me. It’s expensive, but it works. 

Joey: Thank her for me. Trust is what holds our friendship together. I know you have my back, and I want to believe you know I have yours too. 

I want you to know

Joey: My mood automatically gets better every time I think about you. You’re the human version of drugs because you always have a way of making everyone around you feel better. It’s even more beautiful because you’re not doing it intentionally to get them to like you. It’s just your thing. I think that makes you an incredible person. 

Akah: I agree, but I’m not a drug IJN (Amen). I’m really proud of how open you’ve become over the years. You’ve moved from someone who’d joke about a situation instead of addressing it. Humour is great, but sometimes, sitting in or addressing your other emotions is good. I’m glad you’ve learnt a lot from me, and I’ve made you a better man. I’m so proud of myself on your behalf. 

Joey: LOL. You’re a clown, and that’s why I keep you around.

Do you have an interesting bro story you鈥檇 like to share? Fill this  and we鈥檒l get back to you.

Desmond and Collins have just taken their six-year friendship from Instagram and texting to hanging out in real life. In this episode of #91大神MyBro, they talk about shooting friendship shots and becoming best friends over the internet, holding each other accountable when one messes up and how alcohol helped their first hangout.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane 

Desmond: We started talking in 2016 when I joined Instagram for the first time. I’d followed a bunch of bloggers I thought were cool, and you were one of them. You looked like you had sense, so I sent you a DM even though I didn’t know you. 

Collins: I was trying to be polite when I responded to your DM. My first reaction was, “Hey, God. Why is this person disturbing me?” You were asking a bunch of questions, trying to get to know me, and I wasn’t here for it at all. 

Desmond: That’s why I carried our conversation for the first couple of weeks. See, I was very shameless and direct with my friendship shot. I had a goal, and I was going to achieve it. Period. 

Collins: A part of me wondered if I was cool enough to have someone shoot a friendship shot at me, but I rolled with it.聽

Our conversations didn’t have structure, but they worked 

Desmond: The more we spoke, the more I realised we had much in common, even if our conversations were random AF. We talked about any and everything from work to the Billboard Music Charts. After a few months, we even moved past “Hi” and “Hello”. It was just hot gist after hot gist. 

Collins: With you, I didn’t have to start thinking if you’d care for the gist I was bringing. It was just seamless. This made us close even though we only chatted online. 

Desmond: Exactly. It had to be seamless for us to maintain our friendship for six years without seeing each other.聽

Our friendship has travelled from Port Harcourt to Ilorin to Ibadan to Lagos, and now, Ghana

Desmond: When we started talking, I was in Port Harcourt trying to get into school while you were in school in Ilorin. I remember you moved to Ibadan for your IT, but we were facing financial challenges so we couldn鈥檛 actually plan to travel and see each other. By the time I secured the bag and moved to Lagos, you’d moved to Ghana. We kept missing each other. 

There are limitations to having a long-distance friend. Many things happened in my life that I wished you were around to witness in real-time. Texting and calling are great, but I’d rather go to a party with you than gist you about a party I attended. 

Collins: People talk about love languages in romantic relationships, but for me, it’s the same for my friendships. For me, it鈥檚 physical touch and quality time, so having a best friend I couldn’t do these things with was very somehow. 

We communicated a lot, but as more time passed, I knew we had to fix our distance. 

Desmond: Seeing you was important to me too. So many cool things happened for me in 2022, so I said, “Fuck it”, meeting you had to happen as soon as possible.聽

Planning our first hangout, anxiety and alcohol 

Collins: Planning to finally see each other took about one week, and you handled everything. I was planning to stay back in Accra after exams, to get an internship or something, but you were like, “No, you’re coming to Lagos”. I was nervous when I packed my load, boarded my flight and landed in Nigeria. I kept thinking, “Is this really happening?”

You gave me the longest and tightest hug when I got out of the cab at your place. But all I was thinking was, “Damn, Desmond is fucking tall.” I thought you were my height? 

Desmond: I cosplay as a short man to lower people’s expectations so they can be impressed when they realise I’m way taller than they expected. 

I wanted you to come in December [2022] because I was finally in a good place with a spacious apartment, a social life and friends I knew you’d like. I know you’re shy, so I lowkey planned your arrival to fall on the day I had a party at my house, so there’d be a lot of alcohol. 

Collins: Wow. Were you nervous? 

Desmond: For just a moment right before you arrived, I thought about us not getting along in person. But I wasn’t really bothered by it because we’d been talking too long for it not to work. You know all my tea, from my sex life to how much I have. Last last, we’d join our heads together and figure it out. 

But just in case things got awkward we did some drugs and downed alcohol at the party. By the night’s end, you were dancing shirtless in just a pair of shorts.聽

We’re sensitive people, so we avoid looking for each other’s trouble

Collins: We’ve never fought because I know the things that’ll piss you off, and I avoid them. 

Desmond: Same. We’re both really sensitive that the chances of offending each other are high, but we’re conscious about avoiding them. I used to drag Taylor Swift, but you’re a stan, so I’ve stopped. That鈥檚 how you know a good friend. LOL.

We’re also very clear about how we feel about things. I always tell you when you’re doing something I don’t like. It’s a plain “I don’t like this thing. Please, don’t do it again” conversation. Like when you get high and start talking a lot. Once you start, I pinch you like a Nigerian mother so you can adjust yourself. 

Collins: It wasn’t a big deal because I understood your intention.

Desmond: Exactly. I’d want someone to do that for me if the case was reversed and I was misbehaving because of alcohol. We make sure our communication lines are open and direct.聽

He came through for me

Desmond: You come through for me a lot, but off the top of my head, I can pinpoint two situations that stick out to me. You were one of the few people who stuck by me and helped me get through life after I came out to my mum. One day, she flogged me with a belt. I called you that night crying on the phone. You gave me a safe space. 

Another time was in 2021, when I did something messed up. I called you to talk about it, and you clearly pointed out that I’d fucked up. Not a lot of friends do that. Not having people to hold you accountable is how you become a horrible person. 

Collins: I hate knowing you’re in pain, so I’m always in action mode when it comes to you. LOL. I also try not to judge you while being as honest as possible, because that’s what we do. 

You did the same thing for me in 2019 when I dropped out of university in my final year. Things were going to shit, and I couldn’t do it anymore. My mum hung up when I called to tell her, and everyone around me kept asking why I didn’t just endure. But with you, it was different. 

You didn’t belittle my feelings or decision. You asked what I needed and even helped me research new schools before I ended up at my current school. I wouldn’t have made it through that period without you. 

Desmond: I’d dropped out of school before, so I understood that bugging you at that time would only fuck things up. It was from a “How did I want to be treated when I made my own choice” POV. I wanted to be there for you, but only in the way you wanted me to be. I was there to listen and help you explore your options, not add more stress to your plate.聽

What makes this friendship different for us

Desmond: I don’t need to hold back when sharing my thoughts. In some friendships, some things are too much to talk about, but not with you. I can’t be anything but who I am when I’m with you. 

Collins: Mehn, you know everything about me. Even the things I’ve forgotten, you know them. I overthink things a lot when interacting with other people because I’m not good with words, but with you, it’s just easy to talk.聽

What I’d change about you

Desmond: I wish you’d see yourself the way I see you. You underrate yourself a lot, and I have to constantly remind you that you’re the shit. 

Collins: I can only fix something that’s broken. There’s nothing I’d change when it comes to you or our friendship.聽

I want you to know

Desmond: We profess love to each other every day. But I’m always grateful I get to do life with such a wonderful person by my side. It feels good to have a friendship I feel this confident in. 

Collins: If there’s one thing I thank God for whenever I get to talk to Him, it’s you. You make everything so easy and beautiful. I’m glad I get to be a part of your life, and you get to be part of mine. I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world. 

Desmond: Not even Beyonc茅 Renaissance tickets? 

Collins: Hell, no. But maybe Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour tickets.

Do you have an interesting bro story you鈥檇 like to share? Fill this聽聽and we鈥檒l get back to you.

Chide and Edem are best friends who started out as fuck buddies. In this episode of #91大神MyBro, they talk about why they decided to stop having sex, the time Edem rescued Chide out of a toxic relationship and why a relationship between both of them can never work.

Let鈥檚 take a trip down memory lane 

Chide: We met in 2020 when we tried to have sex but you couldn鈥檛 get it up. 

Edem: God, abeg. Is that how you want to start? Now, everyone will think I have erectile dysfunction or something. Please, tell the whole story because I鈥檓 still on the streets, and I don鈥檛 need people thinking I can鈥檛 blow their backs out. 

Chide: We met on a hookup app after they lifted the lockdown in 2020. I was bored with a sprinkle of horniness, so I started chatting with you, and luckily for both of us, you didn鈥檛 live far from me. 

Edem: Imagine if you ended up being a catfish? I was ready to chase you with a cutlass. 

Chide: When last did you see a cutlass in real life? 

Edem: Fair enough. So we tried to have sex, but I was nervous AF. 

Does FIFA work as viagra? 

Chide: I really don鈥檛 get why you were nervous. It was frustrating and hilarious at the same time because you looked like you wanted to die. 

Edem: I wanted to bury myself in the ground. But I also didn鈥檛 want to give up, so I asked you to play FIFA with me so we could get comfortable. It worked because we ended up smashing in between the game. Hallelujah. 

Chide: So FIFA is your viagra? Interesting. 

Transitioning from fuck buddies to regular buddies 

Edem: We started hanging out regularly after that. We were hooking up, but we also started getting close. I鈥檇 just moved back to Nigeria and didn鈥檛 have a lot of gay friends, so our friends-with-benefits situation was heavy on the friendship part. You just got me. 

Chide: My dear, I was giving you the Nigerian LGBTQ+ orientation. That one is more important than the NYSC camp you went to. We stopped hooking up around 2021, right? 

Edem: Yeah, We became so comfortable with each other that the sex got weird. I remember the last time we tried. It was like the first time all over again, but worse. We were laughing like mumus, and no one could get anything done. 

Chide: See, choosing not to have sex with you again wasn鈥檛 a hard decision, no offence. 

Edem: Plenty of offences have been taken, Chide. You clearly don鈥檛 rate me, and now I know. 

Chide: Guy, rest. LOL. I鈥檇 started talking to someone who wanted a relationship towards the end of 2021, so what was the point? 

Edem: And where is that relationship today? That鈥檚 the same relationship that made me reassess our friendship. Your choice in men is the ghetto. 

Chide: Like you weren鈥檛 one of those men. 

Trouble in paradise? 

Edem: Please, explain why you kept avoiding me and hiding me from your boyfriend? The whole thing really pissed me off. I didn鈥檛 want to say anything at first so no one would call me a bad belle, but even when I did, you didn鈥檛 take me seriously.

Chide: I didn鈥檛 tell him about you because I wasn鈥檛 sure what we were. We were friends who鈥檇 hooked up, and I knew he wouldn鈥檛 like it. 

Edem: That should鈥檝e been your first red flag, but your shades were too thick. He didn鈥檛 need to like our friendship. The worst part is you started acting differently. You used to be 鈥渋n your face鈥�, which helped me accept myself as a gay man too. But you went into a shell with him and started moving like a boring straight man.  

It felt like a betrayal because you helped me come out, only for you to now go back into the closet. We were still friends but only saw each other at general hangouts. We didn鈥檛 get to hang out on our own until I convinced our other friends to stage an intervention. 

Staging an intervention and getting through heartbreak

Chide: I remember the intervention lunch at your place. It looked like you guys watched the video for Girl by Destiny鈥檚 Child and decided to recreate it. I hadn鈥檛 heard from you in a while, so I didn鈥檛 know what to expect when you invited me over. I saw you and our other friends and knew shit was real. 

LOL. It鈥檚 all jokes now, but omo, I needed to be saved. 

It鈥檚 easy to say, 鈥淚t can never happen to me鈥�, until you find yourself cutting off your friends and dressing a certain way just to make some guy comfortable. 

Edem: People stage interventions for drug addicts, but your own had to be different. We had to call a meeting on top of your matter because of man. Chai. Are you proud of yourself? 

Chide: I left that relationship a mess. I don鈥檛 think I would鈥檝e left or survived without you reminding me daily that I was loved. We were friends already, but that鈥檚 when I realised you鈥檇 become my personal person. 

Edem: Look at me getting my flowers. I showed up at your house with either shawarma, pizza or ice cream (sometimes, all three) every other day after work, so I definitely deserve 鈥渇riend of the year鈥�. 

We can never have a sexual relationship again

Chide: If I鈥檓 being honest, just for a brief moment, I did reconsider you and me again after that breakup. You were there for me, and we got each other, so I thought, 鈥淲hy the fuck not?鈥� 

Edem: You did? I don鈥檛 think it would鈥檝e worked out, but I鈥檓 curious to know why you didn鈥檛 say anything. 

Chide: I knew it would end in tears. LOL. I love you as a friend, but I genuinely don鈥檛 think I鈥檓 attracted to you romantically or sexually (at least, not anymore). I only considered it because I was lonely and you were there, but I鈥檓 comfortable with what we have. As a matter of fact, I love it. If we do anything else, we鈥檒l be fucking up a good thing. 

I didn鈥檛 leave a toxic relationship to end up with a guy who snores. Did they swear for me? 

Edem: You won鈥檛 see the pearly gates of heaven for this thing you just said. But I agree. I can take a bullet, like a small skin-wound-only bullet, for you because I love you as a friend. I doubt I鈥檇 do that if we were dating. You and I would fight all the time and start resenting each other. 

If I could change something about you 

Chide: We鈥檇 always fight each other because you don鈥檛 know how to talk.

Edem: Why am I catching strays? I know where this is going. 

Chide: I know it鈥檚 from a place of love, but guy, sometimes, you鈥檙e too blunt. There鈥檚 a way you can tell someone the truth without them feeling like they鈥檙e being dragged. I鈥檓 used to it, sha. 

Edem: I was raised in a family where my parents said it as it was and rubbed off on me. But I鈥檓 trying to be better now. These days, I do a lot of mental gymnastics before I say shit. I also apologise when I feel like you鈥檙e offended. You know I love you, right? 

Chide: No, I don鈥檛. Do I even know you? LOL. 

I want you to know 

Edem: As annoying as you are, I can鈥檛 imagine my life without you. We met when I was really hiding from the world because I was scared for my life as a gay man in Nigeria. Knowing you has helped me understand that shit is dangerous here, but it doesn鈥檛 mean I should cower in fear. You鈥檝e helped me become comfortable in my queerness, and I love you for it. 

Chide: Alexa, play Lady Gaga鈥檚 Born This Way. 

Edem: Why are you like this? 

Chide: I love you too, Edem. You can be a lot sometimes, but I鈥檇 rather have a lot of you than none of you. 

Edem: Bars! Nicki Minaj and Jay Z are in the mud. 

Chide: Who would I share this many pop culture references with if I didn鈥檛 have you around? You鈥檙e the real love of my life. At least, until I meet another hot guy and make you number two again. Love you for life, babes. 

Do you have an interesting bro story you鈥檇 like to share? Fill this  and we鈥檒l get back to you.

Brought to you by LOVE LIFE

Jacob and Seun met in their first year of university, when they were just 18 years old. 30 years later, on #91大神MyBro, the two talk about transitioning from roommates who hated each other to best friends, going their separate ways in their 20s and reconnecting in their late 30s.聽

Let’s take a trip down memory lane 

Jacob: My first memory of you was in our first year at Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, back in 1992. I got in on the second list, so when I resumed, most of our coursemates already knew themselves. You were the crowned prince of parties, and I came to school all focused. Looking at you, I kept reminding myself, “This is the kind of guy I don’t want to be.” 

Seun: I was the social prefect in secondary school, so I’ve always been popular. LOL. We didn’t talk throughout our first year because I never noticed you. It was when we became roommates that I actually got to know you. And we started fighting from the moment we started living together.聽

World War 1993

Jacob: You were the worst roommate ever. I was constantly cleaning up after you, and you never even acknowledged all I was doing. Because I was brought up to be overly polite, I didn’t know how to tell you how frustrated I was, so I was always passive-aggressive. 

Seun: That was the problem. There were weeks when you didn’t say a word to me, and I thought you were a snobbish ajebutter. It’s true sha. I’m not easy to live with. But we never had a real fight. We just hated each other in silence.聽

Getting drunk and becoming friends 

Seun: The first time I ever felt close to you beyond our cold “heys” and “hellos” was that night in our second semester when I came back to the room drunk and sick after a party. 

Jacob: How could I ever forget that night? You usually came back drunk on weekends, but this time was different. You kept throwing up, and I thought you would vomit your intestine. I didn’t like you, but I wasn’t going to let you choke on your own vomit, so I got a bucket, sat beside you, rubbed your back and prayed you wouldn’t die right before exams started. 

Seun: Jacob, you were thinking about exams? I was really sick that night, and you stayed up with me until I got it all out of my system and slept. I woke up the next day and just knew, this guy has seen me at my lowest, I have to get to know him. 

Jacob: You’ve gotten lower than that, Seun. 

I was taken aback by how nice you became after that night. I still didn’t like you, but you were persistent, always trying to start a conversation with me, so I started warming up to you too. You’re not that bad when you’re not causing wahala up and down. 

We ended up getting a place together after our second  year. You still didn’t clean well, but I agreed it was a cross I’d bear for our friendship. 

Seun: At least you managed me until we graduated.聽

Parties, late nights and life after university

Jacob: Life after we finished university was wild. I was jealous of all the fun you and your other friends had when we were in school. You guys went to parties while I was spending my nights trying to maintain my first class. The pressure was a lot, so after university, I decided to do all the things I missed out on. 

Seun: Those were the good times. We would close from work on Fridays, go dancing and only sleep on Sunday nights. We did that until you got tired of it. 

Jacob: It wasn’t for me, but I was glad I got it out of my system. 

Three years after university, I knew I wanted to settle down. I’d been dating my girlfriend back in university on and off, but we reconnected again, and I asked her to marry me when I was just 25. 

Seun: I never felt like a third wheel when both of you were dating in university, but the moment you got married, I started noticing you becoming distant until I felt like a stranger.聽

Taking a break from our friendship

Jacob: I don’t think I changed when I got married. I just rearranged my priorities. I’d done the partying thing with you and realised it wasn’t what I was into. The problem is, you were still really, and I mean, really into going to parties. You wanted to go out, and I wanted to stay at home all the time. We wanted different things. 

Seun: But just like in university, you could have communicated this better. You never returned my calls, and I started seeing less of you. It was like I did something wrong but didn’t know what it was. 

Jacob: I started feeling guilty for always postponing our outings, so I decided to avoid the conversation altogether. 

Seun: Smart move. I asked you several times what was going on. 

Jacob: I know now that it was wrong. I should’ve just spoken to you about it. Then the kids came, and life just revolved around them. That’s when the gap widened between us. 

Seun: I felt unwanted, so I kept to myself too. It broke my heart because you鈥檇 been like my brother for so long. But it was clear you needed space, so I gave you space. Your move to the UK in 2003 didn’t make it easier 鈥� NITEL calls weren’t cheap. 

Jacob: Sho get? Those bills used to be crazy. The break wasn’t expected, but it was necessary at the time. We were on different paths.聽

Reconnecting and rebuilding life together after a separation 

Seun: I made new friends, but you were still my best friend, even if we didn’t talk. While you were away in the UK, I still found ways to find out how you were doing. Your wife and I share mutual friends; unlike you, she communicated with them.  

I was shocked when I ran into you at a wedding in 2010. I didn’t know what to say. 

Jacob: I was shocked too. I’d just separated from my wife in 2009, so I came back to Lagos to pull myself together. I remember I broke down that night when I was talking to you. So much time had passed. It was the first and only time you’ve seen me cry. 

Seun: That’s why I didn’t know what to say. I’d heard about the separation but seeing how hard it hit you put things in perspective for me. You’ve always been a family guy, so having that part of your life end must’ve been really hard. I knew I couldn’t be angry anymore. I had to be there for you. 

Jacob: You were my unofficial therapist back then. We talked and talked, and I was surprised by how you’d changed. You still liked parties, but you switched nightclubs for owambes. LOL. Just having someone to talk to helped me during that period.聽

40+, single and thriving together

Seun: Crazy how we’re almost 50, and we’re still single men.

Jacob: We’re not the same. I’ve been married, so my case is different. I never saw myself being single in my 50s, but it looks like that’s how it鈥檒l be, and I’m getting comfortable with it. We’re the weird single uncles at weddings now. It would’ve been much more challenging if I didn’t have you to plan activities with. 

Seun: I knew I wouldn’t ever get married, so I’ve mentally prepared for this phase of my life. But you’ll still meet someone soon, Mr Romantic. Hopefully, I’ll still be in your life if that happens again. 

Jacob: You can count on it.聽

I want you to know

Seun: Even though our friendship hasn’t been perfect, I want you to know I’ll always have your back. I shouldn’t have stepped back when I noticed you were pulling away. I feel sad about the time we lost, but I know we have the rest of our lives to make up for it. 

Jacob: Do we have that much time? Remember we’re almost 50 o. 

Seun: Thank you so much for holding my hand through one of the darkest periods of my life. Looking at our friendship, I realise many things can come and go, but real friendships hold you through everything. I appreciate you for doing just that. Here’s to 50 more years.聽

Seun: You and who? I plan on clocking out at 80 tops. LOL.

Do you have an interesting bro story you鈥檇 like to share? Fill this聽聽and we鈥檒l get back to you.

From friendships built on heartbreak and beer to friends learning how to open up and accept love because of each other,, we鈥檝e shared many brostories (you鈥檙e free to laugh) since we launched in April. But out of all the crazy and fun stories, here are the eight bromances you all couldn鈥檛 get enough of.

1) I Didn鈥檛 Know How to Say 鈥業 Love You鈥� Until I Met You 鈥� Adesegun and Demi

When Adesegun and Demi met for the first time over five years ago, their interaction was what anyone, especially Demi, would describe as a hot mess. However, listening in on their conversation now, it鈥檚 hard to think of a time when these two weren鈥檛 obsessed with each other. In their friendship, the 鈥淚 love yous鈥� flow freely and without hesitation as I watch them remind themselves of just how much they mean to each other. 

In this episode of My Bro, they talk about the transition from hatred to friendship, bonding over the losses in their lives, accepting each other鈥檚 differences and how this friendship has made them more receptive to love. 

2) I Can Count on You and Know That I鈥檒l Be Okay 鈥� Muyiwa and BFG

While there might be a little confusion over when Muyiwa and BFG met for the first time, their unique bond and friendship is as clear as day. Connecting over beer, Twitter jokes, career moves and heartbreak, these two, over the past decade, have successfully built their friendship on a foundation of honesty and humour.

In this episode of My Bro, they talk about why they鈥檙e the closest within their friend group, what people don鈥檛 understand about their friendship and why sometimes all you need after a bad breakup is your bro and a bottle of beer. 

3) I Can鈥檛 Wait for the World to See You the Way I See You 鈥� Brian and EL

People often say, 鈥淒istance makes the heart grow fonder鈥�, but listening to Brian (in Enugu) go back and forth on a virtual call with EL (in Abuja), I鈥檓 convinced distance had little to do with the strong bond these men share. A casual encounter over ten years ago created a relationship built on the foundation of honesty, humour and love that runs real deep. Brian and EL aren鈥檛 just friends, they鈥檙e practically brothers or, as EL likes to say, 鈥淭wins鈥�.

In this episode of My Bro, they talk about being each other鈥檚 soulmate, the depressive episode that threatened their friendship and the day they almost died.

4) Our Friendship Is Perfect Because You鈥檙e Stable and I鈥檓 Chaotic 鈥� Nnamdi and Yela

Nnamdi and Yela both understand what position they hold in their friendship 鈥� one is dominant and outspoken, the other is a supporting character who chooses violence once in a while. This dynamic might prove difficult for some friends, but these two have figured out a way to complement each other and make it work. 

In this episode of My Bro, they talk about surviving loss together, feeling guilty when one friend gets left behind and why they鈥檙e perfect for each other. 

5) You Helped Me Fall Back in Love With Filmmaking 鈥� Dare and Kayode

Many things don鈥檛 gel well in my book: Garri and milk, trench coats and the Nigerian sun, and running a business with your friend. However, after spending over an hour getting to know directors-turned-friends-turned-business-partners, Dare Olaitan and Kayode Kasum, I may have to rethink my list. 

These two are responsible for directing the 2021 comedy, . And this year [2022], Kayode was a producer on Dare鈥檚 , while Dare was Executive Producer on Kayode鈥檚 . How do they separate their friendship from their work? And most importantly, how do they work together without throwing hands? 

In this episode of My Bro, they talk about how they moved from creative partners to friends, avoided fights on set and learnt to support each other without crossing boundaries. 

6) Amebo Is the Glue That Holds Our Friendship Together 鈥� Foluso and Gbolahan

Foluso and Gbolahan may have met in a high-pressure environment, but best believe their five-year friendship is pressure-free and smooth AF. If they weren鈥檛 bankers, they could be comedians with their comedic timing and constant dragging of one another.

In this episode of My Bro, they talk about bonding over heartbreak, using amebo to hold their long-distance friendship together and why Foluso won鈥檛 get to be Gbolahan鈥檚 best man at his upcoming wedding. 

7) You Push Me to Accept I Deserve Better 鈥� Astor and Hassan

and met five years ago, working as writers at 91大神. Their friendship and chemistry was so popular that they got their own show: Astor and Hassan vs The World. But while they鈥檙e both famous for making other people laugh, Astor and Hassan have had major bad days they only survived because they had each other. 

In this episode of My Bro, they talk about posting funny memes as a cry for help when life gets hard, supporting each other through relationship drama and managing the weight of people鈥檚 expectations. 

8) Our Fighting Has Only Brought Us Closer 鈥� Stephen and Pamilerin

and started talking on social media five years ago, and now, they鈥檙e best friends who run a popular restaurant in Lagos. In this episode of My Bro, they talk about understanding each other鈥檚 love language, handling fights about work and how Pamilerin鈥檚 recent marriage has affected their friendship.

Find all the bromance stories we covered in 2022 here.