From Monday-Sunday, you can find people partying up at a club, bar, house party, you name it!

Our own is that, from Rumours to Escape, we can bet your last 5k you’ll hear at least 3 of these songs playing:

‘All I Do is Win’ was a jam the first 2 years, but in 2018, we’re not too sure about that

Even Chris Brown has rested this song, but Nigerian Djs? Mba no

Shaku is hard enough to dance to, you can’t be throwing this song in the mix every 5 minutes

‘I Got A Feeling’ has to be the one of the most over-played songs in the club, we lie?

If you are TIRED of hearing ‘Numb/Encore’ playing in clubs, you are not alone!

We love 50 Cent, but this song has been playing since we were in primary school #enoughisenough

Did all Nigerian DJs sit and agree to always play this song to keep Fat Joe happy?

Remember when Dorobucci came on and you had to refrain yourself from dancing with handkerchief?

To wrap this up, please feel free to never stop playing Shakiti Bobo, we’ll always be ready

Hennessy, Moet & Ciroc Gang.

Velveta, Eva, Don Simon, Andre, and friends

Star, Heineken, Goldberg, it’s all beer!

Got Juice?

Excuse me, Can I have a can of Malt?聽

“We only have minerals.”

Nestle Life, Eva, Aquafina. Let me drink my water and be happy.

“See bros please just give me any Bottled Water you have”

So tell us, what drinks did we miss?

2. Now all you want to do is chill and sleep.

3. But your friends are sending messages and calling you, to find out where the party at!

4. So to help you avoid the stress and expenses of a night out, here are a few excuses.

5. “Today is the anniversary of my great grandmother’s call to glory so I want to spend it in contemplative silence”.

6. “My financial status is currently unable to tally with your expectations this glorious evening”.

7. “My doctor said I need to stay at home and rest every third Friday of the month”.

8. “My mother said she had a dream and I can’t move around this night oh, better safe than sorry!”

9. “Oh I have a lot of work to catch up on”.

10. Or you can just ignore their phone calls and messages and claim your phone was faulty!

2. Make sure your MC isn’t a learner

3. Lose the invite of that uncle that likes to report

4. The two cousins that fight, keep them away from each other

5. Don’t worry about sending your in-laws transport money, they’ll find their way

6. Keep your yoruba demon friends away from any girls

7. Make sure the small chops is plenty unless they’ll be squeezing face

8. Laugh at everyones jokes, even if they aren’t funny

2. …. And gazing at each other with love struck puppy eyes.

3. Your crush finally asks you on a date.

4. One of your daft friends suggests you say no so he doesn’t think you are easy.

5. But you know that one is an enemy of progress so you ignore her.

6. You, searching for something to wear.

7. When you get to the restaurant and see him looking cuter than you remember.

8. And the conversation is even better than before.

9. You, trying to decide what to eat.

10. When he goes to the bathroom and hasn’t come back after 45 minutes.

11. You, realising you’ve been left to foot the bill.

12. When your friends ask you how the date went.

13. When next someone asks you out to dinner, you’re like:

2. When you get to Quilox and the bouncer says the place is full because celebs are around.

3. Your face, when a bouncer slaps one of your guys.

4. You, showing your guys the best part of the fence to jump in from.

5. When they finally let you and your squad enter.

6. When you hear how much they are selling Ros茅 but you still act like you’re considering it.

7. When you see the babe you came with rocking Iyanya upstairs in VIP.

8. You and your guys, scanning the area for all the fine babes.

9. You, when some idiots start breaking bottle and fighting.

10. When your squad is managing 2 bottles of Henny and you see some Yahoo boys popping basins of Mo毛t.

11. When you see your bill after ordering just 3 plates of snail.

12. You, trying to price Olosho.

13. When you and your guys see the person that sold you fake Henny.

14. When you get home and finally see what Quilox did to your account balance.

1. The People Begging The Bouncer To Enter

They never want to pay to enter, once they are outside the club 鈥淒j consequence baby, me and my twelve friends are trying to get in the club. Could you come get us?鈥�

2. The People That Skip Lines

These are the main people/squads in town, they know everyone. What is a line? The bouncers have been settled well before their arrival.

3. The Ones That Greet Everybody

They are in the club to say 鈥渉ow far鈥� to every single person in the club. Nothing else. 鈥淗AYYY MY GUY HOW FAR NOW?鈥�

4. The Perchers

Buy your own drinks? No. Buy your own hookah? No. Buy your own bottles? No. Perch on someone鈥檚 table? Snapchat with someone鈥檚 bottles/drinks? Beg for hookah pipe? All Yes!

5. The Happening Squad

They are always in one corner of the club doing their own thing hailing each other.

6. The DJ Khaleds

Their motto is if it wasn鈥檛 on snapchat, it did not happen. Everything. Goes. On. It.

7. The Crew

Yeah, you guessed right. You can鈥檛 sit or stand with them.

8. The Bottle Poppers

These are the siren and fireworks people. If they don鈥檛 blow the siren for them about ten times, they haven鈥檛 gone to the club. Stress.

9. The Single Ladies Squad

They have their own section, table, bottles etc. They came to show off. No do not try to talk to them. They also came to snub every single male advance.

10. The Hunters

鈥淓xcuse me lady, can I speak to you for a moment鈥�. All the time this is their favorite line. No chill always thirsty. Uncle enjoy the music small too now.

11. The Photoshoot Models

They are always ready for every photo. Every and any. You can鈥檛 catch them looking bad in any of the 1000 photos taken at the club.

12. The Chimneys

Cigarettes, hookah and any other thing. They never hesitate to be an exhaust pipe in your face. Okay thank you carry your lung cancer and shift.

13. The Dance Competition People

They are here for a Dance Off. If you aren鈥檛 careful you might lose a tooth dancing close to them. They are probably using it to make up for not going to the gym earlier,

14. The Phone Addicts

These set of people never take their eyes of their phones at any point. They should have just brought their chargers and WiFi devices and a bed so we know they are for real,

15. The Big Daddies

These are the older generation, they are always at some section of the doing the point-and-kill. 鈥淗eyss see that babe over there call her for me鈥�.

16. The horrible dressers

These people come to the club trying to impress everyone but鈥� They should have just stayed home.

17. The ones who don’t know what they are doing neither do we

See, we too we don鈥檛 understand.

2. When you enter the house party and immediately check if you know anyone.

3. When people enter and run straight to a socket to charge their phone.

4. When people start asking for wifi password.

5. When you get to the party and it’s all guys.

6. When everybody just packs themselves in groups.

7. When someone complains that the music is too loud.

8. When the party’s playlist is serious rubbish.

9. When they finally pass you the aux cord.

10. When the house party is banging but you came with bae.

11. When you want to turn up but everyone is just pressing phone.

12. When those annoying people put their phone’s screen brightness on the highest.

13. When you see guys struggling for wall space.

14. When a babe says 鈥渢hat鈥檚 my seat.鈥�

15. When the light comes on and you see who you鈥檝e been dancing with.

16. When you start feeling sleepy halfway through.

17. When you realize the party is actually dead.

Thankfully none of this happens at a Smirnoff House Party and 91大神 is giving out 5 TICKETS to the next #SmirnoffHouse party taking place this Saturday, November 14th.

1. They are usually very crowded.

2. …And time wasting.

3. Lord! The overpriced Aso ebi.

4. Expenses! Expenses! Expenses!

5. The many stages and tiresome procedures.

6. Not getting served Jollof rice because you didn’t buy Aso ebi.

7. Weddings MCs are boring and tell the worst jokes.

8. The annoying people that steal all the drinks and small chops at the table.

9. Getting criticised for dressing hotter than the bride.

10. The low chances of getting seized.

11. Dealing with those “Your own is next” comments.

Time to put on your dancing shoes and hit the town.

Then you get a text “Don’t forget there is vigil this this evening”.

So you think of a way to wriggle out of this one.

And when you get home start giving your mum some sweet tales.

While your siblings are looking at you like

Your mum finally lets you off the hook with

While one sibling is busy chatting like

So you go and gather your best baffs.

And sneak out of the house like an armed robber.

You and your friends arrive looking sweet!

Only for the bouncer to say it’s full.

After small wash, he allows you in and you enter the place with style.

Only for you to see your ex with that babe he said was his cousin.

Then you remember you don’t care because you are better.

You look to the left and see your crush.

You look to the left and see his girlfriend.

Then you remember what you and your friends came for once you hear “It’s Young John ..”

Give them!

And your personal favourite 鈥渁ruba鈥�.

Even though at the end of the night you smell like cigarette smoke and you’ve danced your makeup off and you鈥檝e spent too much money, you feel fulfilled after a Lagos night out and are ready to do it again next week.