听

And flex you did.

听

Forgetting that that salary was also supposed to last you throughout the next month.

Now you鈥檙e broke, even though it鈥檚 the only the second week of January. You鈥檙e losing weight because you鈥檝e been forced to go on a diet by your near-empty bank account. If this describes your current situation, I鈥檓 here to help.

听

Here is a a list of 10 cheap meals that鈥檒l keep you satisfied until January salary enters.

1. Bread and butter

Throw in a 50cl bottle of Pepsi and you get the bricklayer special!

2. Cabin biscuits and Milk

Pour the milk in the biscuits (like a human) or crush the biscuits and throw them in the milk (like a f***ing psychopath) to get a delicious bowl of what hungry boarding school students decades ago affectionately called biscuit flakes (even though the end result couldn鈥檛听be further from being flaky).

3. Cabin biscuits and sardines

Squeeze your face all you want, but I can personally vouch for this outrageous but totally delicious combo.

4. Raw instant noodles soaked in cold water for like 40 minutes.

Is it kinda disgusting? Yes. Will you gag the first few times you try it? Also yes. But it does get better after a while, and you really don鈥檛 have a choice because you鈥檙e broke. So shut up and learn to love the taste of vomit.

5. Eba mixed with palm oil and pepper

Pouring the oil and pepper in during the eba-making process. I鈥檝e never tried it myself but I imagine it鈥檒l taste a lot like stale palm oil flavoured cotton candy.

6. Raw instant noodles.

Because who has all that time (and technical know-how) to actually cook it, right? Just take it out of the pack and eat it like a snack. No one will judge you (too much).

7. Mayonnaise

Just Mayonnaise. Eat it straight out of the jar or put it in a bowl so you can lie that it鈥檚 ice cream if you get caught. And even if you do get caught, you鈥檙e a (broke) grown-ass adult and you can do whatever you want.

8. Butter

Just butter.听If you like some crunch in your munch (and don鈥檛 mind a little听diabetes when you hit 50), throw some ground sugar in the mix. Eat it straight out of the container or put it in a bowl so you can lie that it鈥檚 custard if you get caught. And even if you do get caught, you鈥檙e a (broke) grown-ass adult鈥�

9. Bread and Gala

Works with any sausage roll, really. For when the bread and butter/mayo combo becomes too听mainstream.

10. Salad

Did you really think I was going to end this without including some healthy greens? The best thing about salads (apart from their high nutritional value) is that you don鈥檛 have to cook them. Just cut up and enjoy. Too lazy to cut? Eat the ingredients individually and wash it down with a cold bottle of salad cream.

No need to thank me, you guys. I’m just…

2. Then he invites you to meet his other friends at his expensive house.

3. They finally ask where you live so they can come check on you.

4. First night out as guys, and they decide to order at a fancy restaurant

5. When they talk about their vacation trips but you’ve only gone to Ogbomosho

6. Sharing interesting stories about the most trying times in their lives

7. Everyone says you’re the most humble of your friends

8. You and your self-esteem

9. One day your rich friend comes to you for an emergency loan.

10. When they eventually start doing things without you

11. So you decide to hustle your way up.

One day e go better – Safari

Money – Timaya ft. Flavour

Penalty – Small Doctor

Rich and Famous – Praiz

Rich – M.I. ft. Koker

Ojuelegba – Wizkid

Fake Love – Wizkid ft. Duncan Mighty

Because we know that this brokeness is only temporary we also added the perfect song to add to your playlist on payday.

2. Hardship? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HARDSHIP?

3. Have you ever fantasized about soaking garri WHILE SOAKING GARRI?

4. Have you ever pressed your toothpaste as if it stole your phone, then sliced it open to rub your toothbrush inside?

5. You take a girl out to buy meatpie and Coke and she says she wants egg roll too

6. Back to that garri we mentioned. Have you ever oversoaked garri and kept it in your neighbor’s fridge to resume later?

7. Have you ever called a cousin YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE to ask about ‘mummy and daddy’ and to ask them to tell their daddy that ‘things are tait’ in school?

8. Have you ever fed yourself for an ENTIRE WEEK using the famous ‘I waka well’ technique?

9. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO BROKE YOU DONATED BLOOD SO THEY’LL GIVE YOU PUFF PUFF AND MALT?

10. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are levels to being poor oh. Wow. But here are some things poor people in denial do:

2. And after all your trying it has happened again!

3. You’re broke oh!

4. But now you are tired of crying and shouting, what are you going to do?

5. First you list out all your expenses and start cancelling out all the unnecessary ones.

6. Like that your expensive girlfriend…

7. And buying small chops and cake every day.

8. All your attempts at cost cutting have not yielded much!

9. And now everyone thinks you are rude.

10. Then your father asks you 鈥渨hat did you use your money for?鈥�

11. You’re like:

12. Now you are researching mutual funds and investment opportunities, like:

13. Meanwhile everyone thinks you are now stingy and greedy because you no longer throw money around!

14. But your ARM Money Market Fund is starting to look better each month

15. And when your friends are complaining about being broke, you look at them like:

16. Because thanks to ARM, you are on your way to rich gang, and poverty is behind you.

Start your journey to wealth here

2. But then you also remember that you are very broke.

3. You check your account and it’s even worse than you thought!

4. Meanwhile your friends and colleagues are expecting you to “do birthday” for them!

5. You find out how much cake is and you’re like:

6. Even small chops are expensive.

7. People start texting you that they’re coming to your house after work that day:

8. And before you know it your own birthday has become a prayer point.

9. The closer you get to your birthday the more stressed you are.

10. Now you are thinking about your big age and lack of money.

11. So you ask for the day off and tell everyone you’re travelling around that period.

12. But you stay at home and beg God not to allow this kind of wretchedness follow you into next year.

2. When you’ve made a tight budget and one unexpected expense comes up.

3. When your rich gang friends start making plans for lunch and want to include you.

4. When your salary has just entered but you know in 30 minutes you will be broke again.

5. When the aso ebi mafia want to turn you into a debtor.

6. When you go and borrow money AGAIN from your sharp mouthed friend they’re like:

7. When you see “sales” but you don’t bother entering the store because even if it’s 100% off, it’s still too expensive.

8. When you see “free” in front of anything.

9. When you forget your change.

10. How people look at you when you go to a party with an empty container to carry food home:

11. When someone threatens to sue you, you’re like.

12. When you check your account balance and it’s even worse than you thought.

13. You, every morning:

14. When someone refers to anything more than 1500 naira as “chicken change”.

1. On pay day.

2. Your bank account when you decide to splurge on that PS4 console you鈥檝e been eyeing.

3. Then the long monthly shopping list pops up.

4. When you actually start buying the things on the shopping list.

5. Every debit alert brings serious heartache and torture.

6. It鈥檚 only 15th of the month and things are already not smiling.

7. Your bank account when you think of buying ordinary Shawarma.

8. When you think about all the unnecessary things you bought during the month.

9. When the money actually finishes and everything goes red.

10. When that huge credit alert comes in at the end of the month.

What did we miss? Share your experiences as a broke Nigerian with us.

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